Mystery Science Theater En Masse

Two Riffers, Episode 1: Bloody Moon (Part One)

--

Warning: This fic contains the following:

-Sex scenes (in Parts One, Two, Three, Four, Six, Eight, and Nine)
-Attempted rape (in Part Two)
-Character death (in Parts Four and Seven)
-A rape scene (in Part Seven)

Proceed with caution.

--

1. the new kid

Manic: Sounds a lot like that "The New Girl" nonsense that we always hear about, huh?
Sonia: I guess.

*OK!1111 DIS Is my first story.,

Sonia: Well, I can obviously see that.

NO ACTING LIKE SIMEN COWELL AND TELLING ME ITS BAD PLZ!

Manic: *as Simon Cowell* Actually, it's horrendous.

I dont own twilight and never will! IF PEOPLE LIKE IT, ILL CONTUNIE IT!*

Sonia: Sadly, if it was in her hands, the plotless garbage would remain intact.

If you really knew me, then you'd know that I am in love with Edward Cullen (though he doesn't know it even though I've known him forever).

Sonia: He's still an idiot or still a "Bellasexual".
Manic: My money's on both. It's like betting for red and black on the roulette wheel.
Sonia: You better hope that it doesn't hit green.

My name is Lenobia Seria Emuyen Dark'Moone Cullen,

Manic: Get out.

and I am a werewolf/vampire mix, 16 years of age.

Sonia: How long before we hit the long hair, tiny waist, and big breasts?
Manic: Easy; just mention the name "Princess" to Kyo and watch him flail.
Sonia: You did that last week, didn't you?
Manic: Yep. It was freaking hilarious... well, that was until Miyu booted me out because I caused him to go nuts.

I have long, luscious raven coloured hair with blue fringe that goes to my waist.

Sonia: One.

I am as pale as a full moon and I am even more beautiful than it.

Manic: Somebody's got way too much pride here.

My sisters in the Cullen family (cuz they adopted me heehee)

Sonia: Heeheehee... shut up.

are really jealous of the way I look cuz even Jasper and Emmett think Im hot (they even tried to catch me while I changed, what perverts!1).

Sonia: And this will all happen before she mounts somebody in three chapters or less in the style of Ebony Way.

My parents were vampires and werewolfs, but they died when I was born.

Manic: How emo.

I'm emo

Sonia: Manic!
Manic: What? How the heck was I supposed to know that?
Sonia: We're supposed to be good at sniffing out clichés, remember?
Manic: Oh. Whoops.

and like to wear black and headbang to Blood on the Dance Flooor.

Manic: She probably banged her head on the dance floor more than enough times.

(And I totally hate it when Alice tries to copy my style cuz she thins she's emo-er than me! What a poser.

Manic: I don't think emo kids ever said "emo-er" before, poser.

I've been to twice as many BOTDF concerts as she has!11!)

Sonia: *facepalms* She is not helping her already frayed case here.

Okay, so this is my tragic story of my love….

Manic: Does she kill herself in the end? Because that'll be great!

It was another depressing day at forks high school. It was the 19th day of school

Sonia and Manic: *muttering as they flip between August and September on a calendar*
Sonia: Where the heck do we start?
Manic: Hell, I don't know. Do we start on the last week of August or after Labor Day?
Sonia: That depends on your opinion of the color white, dear brother.
Manic: *sarcastically* Doesn't look good on me.
Sonia: *looks at Manic's shirt* Obviously.
Manic: Hey!
Sonia: *ignores Manic's outburst* Let's just pretend that the first day of school is on the last Monday of August.

I wore 18inch waist black PVC corset Black Skinny jeans and my favourite converse evah, along with dark eye shadow, thick eyeliner and white foundation with blush.

Sonia and Manic: This just in: Nobody cares.

Today I went to my first class of Art (I'm a really talented artist).

Sonia: Painting the canvas black is not "art".
Manic: But setting a $100,000 handbag on fire does the trick.
Sonia: That's not art, either; that's being a moron.

I sat next to my BFF Drakina Monea.

Manic: That sounds like some sort of atom bomb component.

Her parents were abusive.

Manic: Cassy? Where are you, Cassy? We need your razorblades!

Drakina was all alone when her parents killed themselves. She's really pretty. She has bright hazel eyes that are covered by her short black hair's bangs. She was wearing a asking alexandra shirt with a black mini-skirt with leather stockings that went up to her thighs.

Sonia: I can imagine Sonic snoring again.

She had to live with me and my family for a while(So she knows that were vampires). She scooted towards me.

Manic: That was after she wiped her butt by scooting across the carpet, of course.

"Have you seen the new boy? He's a fuckin' hottie!" Drakina asked?

Sonia: I don't know, did she ask? That is an important question?

"No, what's his name?" I asked curiously.

Manic: Big McLargeHuge?
Sonia: Roll Fizzlebeef?

The teacher, Mr. Perkins, looked at us with a grin. Mr. Pwerkins was really young, and he looked really hot for his age. I heard he used to be a body-builder and athlete, what a prep…

Manic: *mutters* Wow, this girl's pretty uppity.
Sonia: And Pseudo Ebony makes the rounds once again!

"Lenobia! You may discuss this with Drakina later. Pay attention!"

Manic: To what? About how "emo" she is? Maybe we can talk about eating Count Chocula with blood next!

the Door suddenly opened.

Sonia: Yes, it was quite an important door.

A guy with short black hair, slight tan and awesome build stepped into the room.

Sonia and Manic: *bored* Pedobear's cousin -- I mean -- Jacob.

All the preps looked at him for only a second and turned away.

Manic: Please; they'd drool all over him, too. He is muscular, after all.
Sonia: Yes, but he's not white. *sarcastically* Therefore, he is unfortunately disqualified.

But me and Drakina starred at his tight abs that could easily be seen through his dusty white shirt that said bite me.

Manic: Oh, here we go with that stupid "dusty" adjective again...

He was almost as beautiful as Edward, ALMOST.

Sonia: And you're almost getting on my nerves. Almost.

"Ah, Jacob, find a table please." Mr. Perkins said

"Thats him the new hottie!" Drakina whispered.

Sonia: Did you just call your friend "the new hottie"? I couldn't tell with the missing comma.

Jacob went towards our table which had room for two more people.

Manic: And since he was so huge and muscular, he took up the remaining two seats.
Sonia: Manic... it's a teenage boy, not a 400 pound man.

We used to have a girl named Jenny at our table. She was a dumb drama-queen with no life. I was very hungry for blood, so I killed her by draining every last bit….Fuckn' prep….

Manic: Oh, you know you wanted to do that, sis.
Sonia: Not really. Anyway, why did she do that in school where everyone could see it?
Manic: *shrugs*

"Hey girls mind if I sit here?" He said

I almost bushed….

Manic: *as Lenobia* ...and I almost wet myself.
Sonia: Manic!

Drakina nodded quickly.

"Are you from here?" I asked.

Jacob sat down and grinned depressingly.

Sonia: And then he licked his lips suicidally.

"Well, I would say yes and no…." He said.

Manic: *as Jacob* But mostly "no". Damn vampires usurped our land.
Sonia: *cringes*

"Enough chit-chat, its time to began your sketches." Perkins said in a lod voice.

I drew a black wolf standing on a mountain in less then 5 minutes. It was really good.

Sonia: Stick figures do not count, hon.

While adding finishing torches, I

Manic: *as Lenobia* ...burned the crap out of the paper.

couldnt stop staring at Jacobs black eyes covered in dark eyeliner.

Sonia: So now he's a raccoon.

Jacob looked back…..

"You know your hot, want to go to see saw 3 at my house and maybe listen to BOTDF after 3rd period?" He asked.

Sonia: So we're ditching school just to play "emo"?
Manic: Could've been worse; he could've asked her to see "The Hills Have Eyes 2".

I smiled, but with sadness In my eyes.

Manic: Oh, boo-hoo, man.

"Sorry,, Jacob. But I like someonelse." I replied sadly….

Sonia: What the heck is she so sad about?
Manic: Sis... she's "emo". She's gonna be "sad" about everything.

*Awesome rght?

Sonia and Manic: No.

PLZ REVIEW! BOTDF ROX!" btw the charrie Drakina is my bffs, not mine. Ily Cathrine! (she helped me write dis)*

Manic: Well... uh... let's hope Cathy found a good plot with you.

2. the secret

Sonia: Spoiler Alert: She's emo.

*OK! i uuploaded da chafter erly cuz da stories not dat populor!111

Manic: Desperation. By Calvin Klein.

Thx 2 catherine for da help! U roxx gurl!*

Manic: Is she invisible like that "Raven" person that Tara kept talking about in her badfic?
Sonia: I don't know. Probably.

Jacob nodded. But I could tell that his in his puppy dog brown eyes that looked so much like BOTDF's main singer, that he would note give up.

Sonia: And the writing just went downhill a bit.

"Come on, you sure?" he asked.

"So, Fucking sure!" I yelllled.

Manic: Dude, shut up! You're still in class!

"ok….why cant we go as friends?" he asked.

Manic: Because people who just met and consider each other as friends normally don't do it on the first date.

"because I hardly know you. What if you're a poser?"

Sonia: That question just came from the poser. Let that sink in.

I said

Sonia: No, you did not "say". You "asked".

"Would a poser know this?"

Jacob stood right back up stretching so far I could see his abs and pubic hairs.

Manic: *stammers* I-I-I...  huh?!
Sonia: Excuse me while I heave... shouldn't have had that extra cream cheese on my bagel today...

"IM YOUR BATTLE TO YOUR EVERY WAR, IM THE FIRST FIT FOR EVERYTHING TORN!" Jacob was singing lyrics to the BOTDF song, death to your heart. He keep singing.

Sonia: *vomits in a bucket*
Manic: Sis, he was singing.
Sonia: I know! That's why I'm vomiting!

"OMG, Jacob, your so sexy and hot and cool! I FUKIN LUV BOTDF!" I said with depression and joy.

Manic: Kill yourself.
Sonia: That's what she wants, Manic. Don't tempt her.
Manic: But then the fic'll end.
Sonia: Oh? Yeah, go ahead, then.

"Will you hang out with me girl?" he asked, sitting back down.

Manic: *sings* Ooh, girl! I wanna sex you up all night long--
Sonia: If you don't shut up, I will hit you with this bucket.

"FUCK YEAH!" I said!

Sonia: Are you sure that you said that.
Manic: *yells* I think she may have shouted that?
Sonia: *massages her forehead with the tips of her index and middle fingers* Thank you.

We went into the forest near the town of Forks (Which is where I live).

Sonia and Manic: Dur-hay.

Jacob carried me, because I am so light and skinny.

Sonia: Two.
Manic: And we have another one... Tanya, Emi, now this Loopadin.
Sonia: Lenobia.
Manic: Yeah, that's what I meant. Lobotomy.
Sonia: *sighs*

Jacob had black eye-liner with color contacts, no shirt but just black skinny jeans.

Manic: What is it with skinny jeans? If I wanted my crotch squished, I'd go scuba diving!
Sonia: What crotch?
Manic: You're not funny, man.

After the movie

Sonia: What movie?
Manic: "Saw 3", remember?
Sonia: Oh. They need to find a better movie.

we found a pond and sat next to it.

Manic: And then I pushed her in.

I was wearing a black corset with blood red straps connecting to my black mini-skirt.

Manic: And then I held her head under the water.

We sat down talking.

Sonia: You were talking about more "emo" garbage. Yes, we know.

After an hour or so we had a lot in common. He liked black and depressing stuff like death and wrist-slitting, MCR, BOTDF and other awesome bands that are 3mo.

Manic: This fic makes me want to slit my wrists so I can avoid the other chapters. And no, I'm not emo.

I was a WC to. We understood eac other.

Sonia: *raises her hand* I don't understand what "WC" means. Care to enlighten me?
Manic: A WereCullen?
Sonia: Oh, if only that was correct.

"Lenobia, I have something to tell you…." Jacob said, standing up.

"Yeah Jacob?", I said.

Manic: *as Jacob* I'm actually a broom.

"I like you alot, you bring alot to my dreprezzing life. And I love you to much."

"im a werewolf!" he yellled.

Sonia: And then werewolf hunters everywhere filled his body with silver bullets. The End.

I gasped!

Manic: Quick, somebody throw a golf ball into her mouth!

I couldn't believe it! He's so damn HOOOTTTT! And now he's a werewolf?

Sonia: Says the Sue who drew a damn wolf picture in art class earlier!

Jacob jumped in the air and spun in the air! He was no a WULF!

Manic: Wolf, Natalie. Wolf.

He transformed back. He was naked.

Manic: And then they did it.
Sonia: I can't scold you for that observation.

I checked out his body. I noticed several tattoos. I couldn't help staring at his junk and long john.

Sonia: Now I really can't scold you, Manic.
Manic: Thank you very much. And why does she keep staring at his pajamas?
Sonia: I don't know.

"Jacob, Im a werewolf too!" I confessed, I spun around into a wolf and transformed back again. Jacob noticed my beautiful body and busty boobs.

Manic: Hat trick, sis!
Sonia: *summons her keytar laser* Kill with intended malice.

He walked around me and sniffed around until his nose was on my ass.

Sonia: Well, they are dogs... kind of.

We were both naked, but I felt comterble, espesilly with Jacob. My hot body looked at lot like Lara Croft's

Sonia and Manic: *annoyed* Oh, shut up!

We lied back down and then we started to…..KISS!

Manic: That's it? All this talk about being naked and that's all they do?
Sonia: No, there's more. It's a bad "My Immortal" clone. I think you can figure it out.

3. broken love3

New CHAFTA! BOTDF ROX! Btw: sexxxx1!111!

Sonia: See?
Manic: Well, pry my eyes out so I can't see anymore.

After we kissed, Jacob took his hand and startyed petting me below my waist.

Manic: It's such a nice pussycat.
Sonia: *slaps Manic on the back of his head*
Manic: *rubs his head* Ow, man!

We twisted tongues together while Jacob replaced his hand with his dingaling and pressed it hard into my thingie.

Sonia and Manic: Uh...
Sonia: What the hell did I just read?
Manic: Did his hand turn into a penis?
Sonia: Since you asked that, I certainly hope that we're getting paid in bleach.

I moaned loadly but it felt good, I argasmed.

Sonia: So... she argued during an orgasm?
Manic: Somebody can balance so much on that plate.

Then white stuff came out of his dingaling as he moaned and he made me lick it up from my thighs.

Manic: Penis! Vagina! Sperm! It's not hard to write all of that stuff out!
Sonia: And the Sue is a contortionist now.

"oh that was good" I sighed, looking up at Jacobs hot bod.

Manic: I'd like a refund, please.
Sonia: Manic!

"Hey Lenobia I have an idea" Jacob smirked devilously as he spun around and became a wolf.

Sonia: I also have an idea! End this fic!

""we can express our romance this way"

Manic: That's smut, bro. Ain't no romance there. You gotta work your way up to romance.

Jacob then put his long hard hairy wolf dingaling into my cat and I moaned sexily.

Sonia: *faints*
Manic: *harshly scrubs his fur with a Brillo Pad* It burns! It burns!

His dingaling digged into my body sexily. It felt so good I started to cry tears of rainbow blood.

Manic: *foams at the mouth, faints*
Amy: *peeks into the room* Sonic! They fainted!
Sonic: *sighs, revives Sonia and Manic with a smelling salt compound and leaves* Told them that they didn't have to do this by themselves, but no...!
Amy: *sits Sonia and Manic up* Well, they're good to go again. *wipes the foam from Manic's mouth, leaves once they're fully revived* Okay, now they're ready.

I moaned and Jacob bit my neck while ejecoulating and barking.

Sonia: Mmm. So he became a vampire as well, I see.

"JACOB!11 JACOB!1111 JACCCUP!111" I roared!

Manic: Yeah, I think we can tell. First you give me a Pikachu missile moment, and now you give me this.

Three hours later, I

Manic: *as Lenobia* ...died due to having three hundred orgasms.

was laying on my bed at the "3mo House" (that was the new name of the Cullen house).

Sonia: She really needs that house thrown on her for changing the name.

I rememberd the passion I experience near the pond. I felt a little guilty,

Sonia: Of course... you just slept with someone you knew for only two or so hours!

so I slit my right hand (cuz Im a leftie) and left that blood run down my body.

Manic: And then she died. The End.

I thought of Jacobs hot bod, but then I thought of Edward, So I cried cause I like him to.

Manic: And then she cried teh hawt tearz of blud.
Sonia: *sips some pomegranate tea* Oh, please.

I went downstairs wearing red eye liner to show my bloody tears,

Sonia: *still sipping her tea*
Manic: I know, I know.

eye shadow, and white foundation with a dark black jacket that said BOTDF on the back. With black jeans that had chains.

Manic: Dude, we don't care. Shut up.

"Where the fuck were you?" Alice asked as I walked sexily down the stairs.

Sonia: And that was before she tripped.

"None of your fuking bloody business!" I roared back.

Sonia: Scratch that; that was before she was pushed down the stairs.

"Huh, whatever" she replied with a sarcastic grin on her face.

Manic: Any normal person would've hit her. In the case of Amy, she'd probably smack a concussion into her empty head.

Jasper, Edward, Esme, Emmett, Carlise, and Rosilee,

Manic: Wanna know what's sad? The fact that she spelled their names better than Erin did.
Sonia: And she got the first four spelled correctly!

walk into the den after listening Edward play a song on his black metal guitar that said 666 and Lenobia. I could tell it was a song about me, cause

Manic: *as Lenobia* ...I'm more vain than Sonia the Hedgehog.
Sonia: I hate you.

I can read minds better then Edward can (I prefer not to use it cause I'm to perfect for it).

Sonia: And I hate you, too.

Edaward was wearing a black tripp trench coat from Hot Topic and torn black jeans, along with eye liner. He had a lot of tattoos (a lot of them had my name on them).

Manic: Uh... if he's full of tattoos with her name on it... chances are that he does like her.
Sonia: Keep in mind that "Twilight" characters use their brains last, dear brother.

"Hey, Lenobia…" he said sexily and darkly.

Manic: I headdesked headdeskingly.

As he put his arm around me and touched my boob lightly.

Sonia: That was before he suckled it harder than the child on that horrid "Time" cover.

"Hey, hotness, I need to talk to you." I said, nudging him towards my room.

Manic: Yeah, "talk". *nudges Sonia with his elbow* Eh? Eh?
Sonia: Yes, I understand that, Manic.

"K babe" He said, flipping his spiky black hair back. We walking upstairs, I was constantly staring at his dark color-changing eyes (Note: THEY HAD SMEXY EYESHAWDEW in DIM!).

Sonia: And Erin's now writing in her place.
Manic: Yeah, right; she'd send everyone to Hell in a heartbeat.

Then we sat on my bed and I placed my hand on his shoulder and KISSED him passionately. Edward then pushed me on the bead before getting on top of me sexily.

Manic: Oh, Lobotomy can do it on a bead!
Sonia: That sounds painful, actually.

"Hon, I thought you wanted to wait for sexxxx." I questioned.

Sonia: What makes you think that he would wait for sex in this fic, you ninny?

Edward shooked his head and said no as he started to undo my pants, "I love you so much, I wanna do this"

Manic: At this rate, she should've just walked around naked.

He took of his shirt and pants while bearing his fangs.

Sonia: Why is he giving his teeth to her?
Manic: Whoa, he really is old, huh?

He sung his fangs into my neck as he prepared to plow me.

Manic: *as Edward, sings* I am going to plow you...
Sonia: *blinks* Really? Really?!

His dingalong was cold and rock jhard,

Sonia: And if he ever puts that inside of me, I will smash it off with a sledgehammer.

but it was bigger than Jacobs. He shovwed it into ,me hard and I started to moan seductivly.

"oh edaward!oh! that's so good!" I moaned laudly

Sonia: I dry heaved repeatedly.

"OH JACCUP!" I yellled passively.

Manic: Whoops.

Edward stopped just b4 he could kum in me. "What?" he questioned.

Manic: *as Lenobia* Nothing! Just finish the job!

I gasped! Realizing my mistake when the door was pushed open and everyone came in caiuse they heard ;load noises.

Sonia: No, he didn't make that kind of "load" noise.
Manic: Sis, you're a hypocrite.

"like, wtf is going on in here?" Rosalie said with a jealous gasp (causew she wants Edward to, duuuh hes hot.)

Manic: He originally looked like he didn't shower. Now he looks like he's covered in soot because of all of those tattoos. And girls still find him hot?
Sonia: Apparently. And Rosalie never liked that jackass to begin with!

"why did u call me jacup?" edweard questioned angrily.

Manic: Because she's thinking about that fuzzy--
Sonia: Manic!

I was freaking out. This could ruin everything…

Sonia: You ruined my will to live earlier. Get in line.

give meh gewd reviews lovelys!:)

Sonia and Manic: No.

orrrrr i'll kill off jaccup XD jk!11!1!

Sonia: Watching paint dry was a lot more hilarious than reading that last sentence.

--

Continue to Part Two
Go Back to Still Selling Out Page
Go Back to Episode List
Go Back to Main MST 'EM Page