Mystery Science Theater En Masse

Two Riffers, Episode 2: The New Girl (SerketChaos Version) (Part Two)

--

3. Meet the Gang!

Kyo: Been there, done that.

After Sonic hit Eggy a few times they were on there way.

Angelique: *woodenly* Thrilling.
Kyo: Huh. The quality of this fic took a nosedive. Did the author only update the first two or so chapters?
Angelique: I guess so.
Kyo: So we're going to read the old and choppy stuff. I see.

"Tails,do you think we can trust her?" Sonic whipered

"Oh, course we can Sonic! and if your still not sure we can make her do some tests when we get back to the gang!"

Kyo: And then she stole everyone's crap and sold it for whatever.

"Hey, what'cha talking a bout Tails?" Keira asked

Tails gave her a quick and meaningless reply

Angelique: Those words were now meaningless, too.

"Hey, Keira... " Sonic piped-up "do you wanna meet the gang? It would be fun, and I'm sure you would get along with every one!"

Kyo: And then Keira kicks Knuckles's ass in two seconds flat. Oh, wait... wrong story. Thank god it's the wrong story.

Tails poked Sonic then sadly said" Sonic...Station Square is 12 miles away and the trains aren't running today..."

Kyo and Angelique: *stares at Tails*
Angelique: Guess you were right, Kyo. Poor Tails is suffering from memory loss.
Kyo: Yeah, Sonic fics can do that to you.

"Tails, Tails, Tails..."Sonic sighed"Have you forgotten that I Sonic the hegehog can run at the speed of sound so I'll carry Keira and I'll drag you along..."

Angelique: Hey, what happened? The punctuation and spacing was fine a minute ago.
Kyo: Maybe the site blew up due to other fics dragging the whole site down. I don't know, really.

"WHAT?" Keira and Tails yelled at the same time

"WHAT?WHYDOIHAVETOBEDRAGGED! IMYOURBESYFRIENDIDESERVEAPIGGYBACK" Tails yelled

"WHA!WHYDOIGETCARRIEDANDTAILSGETDRAGGED?ILLGETDRAGGEDANDYOUCANPIGGYBACKTAILS!"Keira yelled after Tails.

Kyo: *frowning* If this was supposed to be funny... then look at my happy face.

Sonic just stood there trying to depher what had just been said.

Angelique: Well, gibberish is a language... a language that mostly evolved thanks to awful text speak.

Then a huge grin spred across, he chukled and said"Keira you are the strangest person I have ever met!" Keira looked down and sniffed, she had not been teased like that since she left the village she'd forgot how much it hurt.

Kyo: *rolls his eyes* Damn wangst.

Sonic noticed this and quickly said sorry,he did not know much about her past so he just kept quite,but in the end Sonic ended up carring Keira and deraging Tails...

Kyo: Poor Tails. After all the work he's done... like going through lava, getting smashed, spiked and so forth... Sonic repays him by dragging him. And some new lady gets carried around like a princess to twist the wounds.

Soon they arrived in SS and went to were everyone was staying.Sonic -who is oblious (sp?) -

Angelique: Oh, dear. "(sp?)" should be after a lot more words.

had not put Keira down and much to Amy's dismay Sonic was holing her bridal style.

Kyo: *irritated* Because that's the only damn way the ladies have to be held. They have to be held in that stupid, stupid style!

Amy's jaw dropped to the ground and it took sonic a bit to realise he was still holding Keira.

Angelique: It took that long for Sonic to realize that he was holding someone?
Kyo: Amnesia. He got hit by Eggman's robots one too many times.

"oh uhh yeh heheheh..."Sonic said as he shifted nervously and gently put Keira down.

"Hiya!"Keira said warmly "You must be Amy that big fat dude mistook me for you for me!"

Amy looked at her and thought ' What! those rag-like clothes why would sonic fall for that THING? she looks like she a hobo or something...and me get misktaen of her! I'd never dress like a slob...but she has such good manners...amy? AMY? AMY!'

Kyo: Whoa, when did Amy become a huge asshole?
Angelique: Maybe the author hates her.
Kyo: Of course. They always have to make a certain lady in fics the "unlikable bitch".
Angelique: Oh, yes. And Kyo, watch the language. You don't have to be angry all of the time, you know.
Kyo: *mutters* Yes, Lili.

"What?" Sonic was waving his hand around her face to get her to snap out of it

"As I was saying this Keira, she's really cool and she would like to meet the rest of the gang and Tails"

Angelique: He's known her for two seconds... and he thinks that she's cool. Yes, that's logical.
Kyo: Hey, I thought that he was doubtful of her a minute ago.
Angelique: Consistency doesn't exist.

Sonic looked over at the smoldering pile that used to be Tails

Kyo: Yeah, the "smoldering pile" that you caused, you dimwit.

"Tails wouid like a bath!" "Uhhh sure..."Amy mumbled as she let them in. Soon everyone was in the living room to see this new girl, everyone found something they liked about her or had something in common

Kyo: *rolls his eyes* Everyone has to kiss the new girl's butt. Jesus, she's starting to remind me of freakin' Sabrina.

well...everyone except Amy who hated that THING, according to her she stole Sonic away.

Angelique: Honestly, I will not be surprised if this is an Amy bashing fic.
Kyo: Well... to be fair, she does act like that when another girl that's not Sonia is around Sonic. But she wouldn't stoop so low to call her a thing.

Keira was busy talking to Rouge when she ralised something and said she would be right back

Angelique: She realized that the period was missing from that sentence.

Keira ran over to sonic and explaned her issue, Sonic just stood there and sweat-dropped

"Well... " Sonic started'' You could use my room and I'll sleep on the couch-"

"NO! If ANYTHING I'll sleep on the couch..."

Kyo: *grins* You'd like that, wouldn't you?

"ok then...'amy would do anything to sleep in my room'

Kyo: That includes killing anyone... for that and a Klondike bar.

well you could ask Rouge to share,... Amy not a good idea" Sonic looked over and qukily turned attion back to Keira "SO! Let's go find Rouge hehehe.." Sonic chuckled nervously for the ever so 'sweet' Amy was glaring at him and getting hit with hammers was one thing he did NOT want to feel and/or have Keira witness on her first day with them.

Angelique: *sarcastically* When she hits him, she really loves him!
Kyo: *scoffs* Biggest crock of crap I've ever heard from stupid people.

"Rouge!" Sonic yelled over the crowd of people "ROUGE!" he yelled again

Angelique: Care to remind us that he was yelling?
Kyo: *rubs his neck* And I'm not sure where we are now.

"Yes? Is there something wrong with Keira!" she asked quite ergently because Sonic seemed to be holding her hand quite tightly and she look worried

" No , no there's nothing wrong ...it's just that Keira needs a place to stay and we were hoping you would share your room with her..."

Kyo: What an emergency. I'd hate to see what'd happen if Princess Kiss-My-Butt had a heart attack.

"OH, but of course I will! come with me Keira I'll show you to my room

" oh my..." Keira whisperd it's bigger than my home in the village...

Angelique: *rubs her neck* Ouch! Kyo, what was that?
Kyo: Time whiplash. It just hit me a moment ago, Lili.

"Really?" Rouge asked suprised. She was about to ask where it was but she noticed Keira looking sadly at the ground

Kyo: *grumbles* Oh, Christ. This crap again...

Rouges' shock changed to sympathy, true they had alot in common

Kyo: *confused* Like what?!

but she really didn't know about her past, she decided it was better not to ask. Rouge put a hand on her sholder and said barly above a whisper

"Don't worry Keira things will be better,I mean look at all the friends friend you have"

Angelique: Friends that she had managed to acquire in the span of two seconds, no less...

Rouge sighed not knowing what else to say " I'm going back down stairs...there are some sheets in my closest so you can set up if you want" with that Rouge left

down stairs

Kyo: *removes his dunce cap*

"Hey,what's up?"

Angelique: *bluntly* The ceiling.

Every one was huddled in a group talking about Keira

Kyo: *scoffs* Of course. Everyone has to talk about her. Now I know how Sonic felt when every scene in that other fic was focused on that Kathryn brat.

"Hey Rouge..." Knuckles said "come here...were making tests for Keira"

(so flame me i cant spell...)

Angelique: I think that's the test.
Kyo: Spelling? Well, isn't that horrible.

4. Tests Of Friendship

"What?" Rouge said "Why? she's so nice ..."

Kyo: Yeah, that's before she murders you in your sleep and takes all of your crap.
Angelique: Have you been watching too much television, Kyo?
Kyo: Not really.

" Well these tests are tests of friendship and to make sure she not working with Eggman!"

Angelique: Do moles even exist in the Sonic universe?
Kyo: Aside from Rouge? I'm not too sure.

Sonic's ear twitched "What? She's not not working with Eggman I KNOW THAT FOR a fact!"

Angelique: Says the guy who was originally skeptical about her!

Sonic said " I got to hit Eggman with her metal pole and she was attacking him too!"

Angelique: *cringes*
Kyo: *laughs out loud* I gotta read that line to Axl when I get a chance!

"well we need to test her any way I'll do strength" Knuckles announced

Kyo: She'll win.

"Ok I'll do speed" Sonic said

Kyo: Literally? Doing speed isn't healthy, Sonic.
Angelique: Anyway, she'll win.

"Inntelange" Tails said almost squiling with joy "Stelth" Rouge piped up

Angelique: She automatically wins for those misspellings alone.

"Cooking!"Amy said

"Balance" Shadow said "Then I'll do climbing" Cream said

Kyo: Okay... where the hell did Shadow and Cream come from?
Angelique: *shrugs* Everyone's a ghost in the Sonic universe.

"Ok it's decided we will start tomorrow...we will know if she is with Eggy if she passed everything with flying colors "

Angelique: Really? Even people who are allied with Eggman could do those things!
Kyo: Logic doesn't exist, Lili.

the next day

Sonic went up stairs to wake her up Sonic knocked on the door and heard a "Come in" by a small voice Sonic opened the door and noticed she was still waring her old torn baggy T and her lepord print skirt.

Angelique: Ooh. Yes, she is certainly in line to have a wonderful makeover!

"Hehehe...I'm not the looking my best today huh?"

'naw you look wonderful in anything...'

Kyo: Oh, you've got to be kidding me!
Angelique: What? What is this implying?
Kyo: That Sonic has a hard-on for her.
Angelique: Kyo! Language!
Kyo: *mutters* Yes, Lili.

"Come on down stairs we have some things to do..."

"Like what?" she asked ever so innocontly

Kyo: *as Sonic* You.
Angelique: *turns red in embarrassment* Kyo! Would you please stop that?
Kyo: Maybe.

"Tests,tests,tests,and more tests!"he mumbled angerly he couldn't belive his friends not taking his word for her making her do tests blech what non-sence.

Angelique: Because the person that they had never met before is always in the right. Always.
Kyo: I swear, I'm getting some very uncomfortable vibes from this thing.

Soon they arrived at the beaches of SS,

Angelique: ...Minnow.

"Alright "Tails said "As you might already know you are going to do some tests are you ready?"

Kyo: Nope. Because tests suck, you know.

"Yeh...I guess so!"

"Ok on with the tests... Sonic your first: SPEED"

"One lap around the beach and who ever gets' back here first wins"

"OK!' they both said

"on your marks...get set...GO!"

Kyo: Fifty bucks says that she wins.
Angelique: I'm not betting.
Kyo: Okay, more for me!

Sonic tore out of the starting line and looked behind him to see how far behind she was, she was actualy keeping up with him!

Kyo: Every Sonic character must have super speed. It's the law.

She was only a few feet behind him Sonic chuckled and look a head and people were carring somthing and he was about to crash into it! Luckily he was not going at his full speed or he would have smashed in to it so used his bounce attack and got over it and kept running.

Angelique: How... thrilling...

Keira was getting tired and she had to use most of her strength to get over it, she whipped out her pole and used it to accend her high in the air she did a few flips in the air and landed gracfully on the other side of the glass.

Kyo: Original Sonic character cliché number three... if the character's a gal, she always does something "gracefully".
Angelique: Well, what were the first two?
Kyo: Super speed and getting into Sonic or Shadow's pants.
Angelique: Their... pants?
Kyo: Metaphorically. You knew that, Lili.

She was pooped and jogged the rest of the way with the help if Sonic...he had looked behind him to see if was okay and saw her pole volt over the glass and he turned around to help her, in the end though Sonic won and Keira was awarded a good job pat on the back from Tails for keeping up with Sonic, no one has ever done it before.

Kyo: Yes. Nobody. Someone's been missing out on a few thousand Sonic fics that had the same damn thing. Oh, and Shadow doesn't exist, either.
Angelique: *takes a hundred dollars from Kyo* Oh, and thanks for playing about that betting thing.
Kyo: *scowls* I didn't even double the bet.
Angelique: You did say, "More for me!", so I'm guessing that you doubled it somehow.
Kyo: *stares blankly at Angelique*

She had a quick rest before going to the the Inntelegance test.

Kyo: I'm serious... it better not revolve around spelling. She'd be so screwed.

" Ok " Tails said " I'm going to switch some wires around and turn off the robot...I want you to put the wires back into the right place and turn it on before time runs out!"

"ok"

Angelique: That's great, but... what's the time limit?!

Keira tried and tried again every time she got close when finally..."TIME'S UP!" "I GOT IT!" the robot got up and started to walk around " SHOOT! I was sooooooooooo close this time to!" every one had a good laugh

Kyo: *feigns laughter* Shoot me.

" OK on to Stelth "

The gang had a 30min wait on the train t the Mystic Ruins Keira sat with Sonic and asked him all sorts of questions about the Mystic Ruins, Amy sat near them and glared at Keira, 'Sonic's mine I'm gonna make your life suck!'

Angelique: I'm practically convinced that this is an Amy bashing fic now.
Kyo: *sarcastically* Yeah, we haven't had enough of those.

When they got to the Mystic Ruins they had to go to the temple where Rouge was waiting

"OK Keira" she started " This is a stelth test you must catch me before I catch you got it?"

"uh huh" Keria nodded

Angelique: *sarcastically* Yes, let's play around in some ruins, maybe destroy a few things. No harm there.

They ran off in different directions and started to hunt each other after an hour Keira caught sight of Rouge she extended her pole out and touched her back,then said "Got'cha"

Kyo: *dumbfounded* Really? Really?!

" Well" she said ''I guess you did...let's go back to our friends!"

"Who won!" Tails asked " I did " Keira said as she slowly raised her hand

"YYYYYYAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY!" Every one shouted except Shadow and Amy

Angelique: Shadow, I can understand. Amy... *sighs* ...of course.

"OK!"Knuckles shouted "On to MY challange"

"OK! What is it?"

"Well..." He started "We have to go to Angel Island and it's a strength test you have to FIGHT me!"

gulp"o-Ok..." Keira said scared

'good' Amy thought 'she'll get beat to a pulp'

Kyo: *angry* Oh, for fuck's sake!
Angelique: I will let that one slide.

At Angel Island

"PREPARE TO BE BEATEN!'Knuckles yelled

"we'll see about that"

Angelique: Kyo, does this remind you of that fic that you tore apart with your girlfriend?
Kyo: Don't remind me...

(WARNIG: INVOLVES STAR OCEAN THE 2nd STORY battle move's (yes that's what it's called NOT 'end of time' the one with rena and claude))

Kyo: Hein? (Huh?)
Angelique: Well, way to leave practically all of your reading audience in the dark.

Knuckles was one punch away from beating Keira when...

Kyo: ...my neck broke.

"Cure light!"

Keira was up and fully healed all the bruises were gone and she was ready to fight

Kyo: *twitches* I am going to murder somebody in two minutes.
Angelique: Calm down, Kyo. We can't have any of that murdering nonsense today.
Kyo: It's not nonsense... it's therapy.

"Crud...this is going to use up the rest of my magic but..." Keira put one hand forward and kept other where it was(jusut fighting pose) and she closed her eyes a bright light started to form in front of her 'Now...' Knuckles thought,he rushed up ho her and was about to punch when she opened her eyes and they sparkled 'That cant be good' Knuckles thought

Angelique: Her eyes sparkled? What kind of monstrosity...?

"SOUTHERN CROSS!"

Suddenly beams of light to Knuckles but they were no oradanary beams of light they were comets!

Kyo: *goes on a rampage*
Angelique: *grabs Kyo* Okay, okay, okay! Calm down! Calm down...

Knukles was hit with five of them but he was in better shape than Keira she had used to much energy,

Angelique: Wait, Knuckles was in better shape after getting hit by five comets? Yeah... that doesn't work that way.

she collapsed Knuckles was about to give her one last blow when Sonic stood in-front of the body with his arms out stretched.

Kyo: Why'd you stop Knuckes? She needed to die!
Angelique: You are incredibly bloodthirsty.

"KNUCKLES! what are you doing! The poor girl fanited and used--magic!" Sonic looked stunned at the girl "We'll continue this tomorrow..it's getting late"

"Sonic" Amy said "My legs are tired can you carry me?"

"no"Sonic said simply

"WHAT! why?"

Angelique: You know why. Everyone knows why.

"I have to carry Keira back to our house" Sonic walked away and looked down at the exaughted girl 'She looks so peaceful and delicate,hard to belive so can fight so well...I hope the gang lets her join!'

Kyo: *annoyed* How many times does Sonic need to kiss her ass? Y'know, I'm with Amy; I hate her.

While the other's took the train Sonic said it was too packed and that he would carry Keira. Amy wanted to join him but the gang made her take the train.

Angelique: Unless he has four arms, he can't carry both of you.

Sonic got to there house before they did,so he decided to tuck her in.

Angelique: When your name's Sonic, you actually move at the speed of an iceberg.
Kyo: Oh, so we're playing Sonic '06, Lili? *as Sonic* Darn! We're not gonna make it! Let's speed up!

He was just about to leave when for some reason turned around and went over to Keira and kissed her on the forehead! Sonic looked around with shifty eyes and quickly left the room.

Kyo: *grumbles* Damn fic can't tell us that Sonic loves Keira enough. We got it, fic!

The Next Day

Kyo: I killed her. The End.
Angelique: Kyo!
Kyo: I told you that it was therapy, Lili.

"Ok" Shadow said "Time for balance test"

"Balance?" Keira said confused

Angelique: *stone faced* You don't know what balance is? Are you honestly serious?

" Yup all you have to do is grind down this rail with out falling off and before time run's out wile on a sakeboard "

Angelique: ...a sakeboard? It's made out of sake?
Kyo: Jessie will have tons of fun with that.

"O-ok..."

Kyo: Shadow is making someone use a skateboard. Really?

After a few practice run's Keira felt that she could do but in the end she fell off just as the time ran out.

Angelique: She could've used her meteors for balance purposes or something.

"ok " cream said " time to climb"

" Ok I can do this!"

"Right ...ok so all you nedd to do is get up there with out fallling off the tree"

"Sounds easy, let's do this!"

Keira was almost at the top when

Kyo: *laughs maniacally as he sets the tree on fire*
Angelique: *pulls Kyo away from the tree, douses the fire*
Kyo: Lili, did you really have to do that?
Angelique: Yes, I did.

!SNAP!

The twig under her foot gave way and she started to fall 'This is it I'm going to die...at least I've had a good life!'

Angelique: It turns out that she only fell for five inches. How melodramatic.

Amy's thought's were a little different they went something like this yes...yes YES! what? Sonic, no!

Kyo: Okay, this is really getting under my skin. Amy wouldn't want somebody to die! What is it with you damn Suethors having a huge wank fest for making Amy or Sally evil?!
Angelique: Because... they can...? I don't know, honestly.

Sonic had caught her just in time "Thanks Sonic! I'd be dead right now if it wasn't for you!"

Kyo: *swoons, falls into Angelique's arms*
Angelique: This is still melodramatic.

"Awww it was no prob-" Sonic stopped talking when Keira leaned over and kissed him on the cheek.Sonic just stood there with a HUGE grin on his face.

Angelique: *holds up an OOC alert sign, frantically waves it around*
Kyo: You should've had that sign up earlier, Lili.

"Sonic? SONIC! We have to the cooking test now! Then i can take a break..."

Amy couldn't belive her own eyes Keira had KISSED Sonic and he DID NOT run away screaming in horror ,running over people to get into the shower for 5 hours to try to wash away the kiss mark!

Kyo: I know. Isn't being out of character wonderful, Amy?

At The Cooking Area

"Sonic ,Tails and Shadow you will be the taste testers you have to say the truth on with cheese cake is better" Amy said

Angelique: Keira bribed them. Find other judges.

All the guy's nodded an 'Ok' as soon as the two girls left Sonic said to Tails "I'm scared of Amy's cooking,SAVE ME!''

"It's Ok Sonic...we will all live though her cooking!"

Kyo: *sighs as he eats one of Amy's mini bundt cakes* Hooray. More Amy bashing. Didn't have enough of that already.

A few minutes had passed and the two girls came out with two cakes Sonic had a bite of Amy's

"AHH! FOR THE LOVE OF HUMANYITY SAVE ME! " Sonic screamed "Ahem...it was unique!"

Kyo: Someone save me from this fic.

Tails looked at the cake as if it was going to bite him. Finally Tails took a bite...

"AHHHH! IS THERE NO JUSTICE IN THE WORLD? PLEASE SOME ONE SAVE ME! IT BURNS!"

Shadow just sat there poking at it "Ahem...erm i have to go now..."

"OH NO,NO,NO,NO,NO!you will eat the cake and suffer like we did!"

" ok here go's nothing.." Shadow slowly took a bite "OH MY--! ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL US WITH HORRIBLE COOKING! GLUE COOKIES WOULD BE BETTER!" Shadow glared at it then said "You will rue the day you were made!" Shadow said wile pointing an accusing finger at it "Well go on rue,RUE already!"

Kyo: *silently reading a book* I already know what's going to happen.
Angelique: *currently knitting* Indeed... wait, for this fic or your book?
Kyo: Both. Actually, any ninny would know what's going to happen next in this fic. Keira's cheesecake will be the most delicious thing in the world, causing Sonic to continue jacking off to her--
Angelique: Kyo!
Kyo: *places a bookmark in his book* It's true, Lili. Just watch.

"OK...now for you try my cake" Keira said cheerfully

" Might as well get it over with" Sonic said. He took a bite and fell out of his seat ,then quick got back up and said "this was THE BEST THING ON THE PLANET! " with that he ate the rest of it in one bite. Tails looked at it and was actually going to eat it WILLINGLY, so he took a bite "huhaluja! I LOVE IT!" and like Sonic ate it in one bite.Shadow looked at the new cake and gave up on making the other cake rue the day,so he took a bite " I LOVE YOU!" and instead of eating it like the others he HUGGED it.

Angelique: *sighs in boredom* Now Shadow is hugging a cake.
Kyo: *curtly* Fuck you very much, fic.

"ok" said Tails "Keira you pass!"

"yay! Is is awesome! Right Amy?"

Kyo and Angelique: No.

"No,NO IT'S NOT YOU WERE SOPOSTTO (sp?)

Angelique: *facepalms* Oh, dear!
Kyo: Hope that's not Kim Kardashian's spelling test.
Angelique: She graduated high school, Kyo. At least give her that.
Kyo: Okay, fine. So it's a fan's spelling test.
Angelique: *sighs*

LOSE AND I WAS TO GET MARRIED TO SONIC BUT YOU RUINED OUR RELATIONSHIP!" Amy fumed

"Wha-?" Keira had tears welling up in her eyes

Kyo: Cass?
Cassy: *enters the living room, gives Kyo a bag of razorblades*
Kyo: Thank you.
Cassy: No problem, dude. *leaves the room*

"Yeh that's right YOU ruined our gang!"

Sonic stood up"Amy I need to talk to you"

"Yes dear?" Amy said sweetly

Angelique: Did she just...
Kyo: Yes, Lili. She went and lost her shit... thanks to this fic.

--

Continue to Part Three
Go Back to Part One
Go Back to Interns Page
Go Back to Episode List
Go Back to Main MST 'EM Page