Mystery Science Theater En Masse

Four Riffers, Episode 12: Sailor Moon and The New Scouts (Part Two)

--

ACT 5: SERENA'S HOUSE

"I suggest we teleport into her room, lets say, around quarter of an hour
after she falls asleep, Just to be sure." Erica suggested.

"Then what?" Naomi enquired.

"Weren't you listening to Diamonds orders at all, Naomi?" Ruth snapped in a
sarcastic tone.

Sonic: That... wasn't sarcastic.

"Look! I just wanted to be certain we are clear on what we're about here!"
argued Naomi impatiently.

"Naomi! I think I know what I'm doing. Now, I command you to return to the
time gate until we join you there - is that clear enough for you?" Erica
Bellowed.

Mai: She bellowed so loud that Serena woke up. Nice going.
Kyo L.: Yeah, the villians in the original anime weren't that smart. All they did was backstab or kill each other off. Seriously, the ladies could just sit on their butts while they did that.

"Yes, crystal." Answered Naomi in a contrite tone.

Sailor Death, Erica's Sailor form raised her wand and immediately
disappeared.

Kyo K.: Sailor Death? Well, I guess that Goth Girl's sailor handle is taken now.

"Clone able, I'm assuming you know what to do?" He nodded solemnly. "Girls,
time's up. Prepare for teleportation. Now I'll do all the work, and get all
the credit, understand? And may I add, if it happens to come at your
expense, then so be it!"

Kyo L.: *as Erica* After all, you girls are just functions!
Sonic: *sarcastically* Wow, what a team player.
Kyo K.: Now that is sarcasm.

"In that case, Erica, your highness, what would you like us to do?" Tamara
asked mockingly.

"Touché, but remember, you're all to assist in Serena's teleportation. If
she awakens before we reach Nega-Tokyo, Knock her out cold. Got it?" she
said rolling her eyes before continuing.

Mai: Roll your eyes again. See if I don't pluck them out.

"Now... Mia, it will be your task
to grab the crystal. Don't forget it!"

At that moment, Ruth transformed into Sailor Black-Light - Erica into Sailor
Elusion while Mia stood as Sailor Memory -- The last to transform, but
certainly not least in importance, Tamara. She spun within a circle of light
and promptly appeared as, Sailor Tundra.

Kyo K.: What kind of weird names are these?
Mai: *shrugs* I've since given up.

Gathering beneath Serena's bedroom
window, they formed a circle and teleported into Serena's room. Clone able
following not far behind. Once inside, Memory seized the crystal, slipped it
into a velvet bag and tied it to the bow on her uniform.

Kyo L.: Yeah, that won't slip off of your bow or nothin'. Might as well put a damn staple gun to your chest while you're at it.

Elusion then set to
work, and quickly bound Serena's arms and legs with smooth black-metal
chains.

Sonic: Benji, is that you?
Kyo K.: Ugh. No.

"All right, Clone able-- change yourself into Serena ... and here, you'll
need this. It's a replica of the silver crystal. Actually it is a fragment
from the dark crystal."

Mai: ...then it's not a replica. It's just an evil knockoff.

Clone able obeyed Elusions command and the shape-shifter assumed Serena's
form and crawled into bed and instantly fell asleep. The scouts smiled at
one another, satisfied with their handiwork, then teleported to the Time
Gate.

Kyo L.: And then the Silver Crystal was lost in the ether. The End. *gets up* Well--
Kyo K.: *yanks Kyo L. back into his seat* You're not leaving, Fox Clone.
Kyo L.: Hey, let a fox dream.

ACT 6:THE CHERRY HILL TEMPLE

They lay snug and secure beneath the bedclothes, not wanting to get out of
bed. The sun was just beginning to peak through the drapes. An hour had
passed before Rei stiffened and sat up.

Mai: Wow, so that's what rigor mortis does.

"Darien, Come on... we have to get up now. I'm picking up serious Nega
vibes that seem to be coming from the direction of Serena's house!"

Sonic: Totally radical, dude!
Kyo L.: Here's your tye-dye shirt and cap. Oh, and here's your skateboard. Go for it.

"Don't worry about her, Rei. Didn't I tell you? Now let us enjoy our time
together. Face it, you don't have to be a sailor scout anymore, just think
about it. You'll have more time to spend with me. Also, we can at last get
married and start a family and have a little one of our own. The future is
up for grabs my love, you don't have to take on any responsibilities, and
you don't have to look out for Serena anymore. So what do you say? Will you
give your career and power up for me?"

Kyo K.: I know that he's brainwashed, but... um...
Mai: Sonia would bristle at this entire paragraph.
Sonic, Kyo L.: Just Sonia?

"Well ... what about everyone else? What if they find themselves in danger
and need our help?"

"They can handle it themselves, believe me my love!" Darien said, not taking
his eyes from hers fro an instant.

Kyo K.: You're in bed. This isn't opera.
Sonic: Can sex even be in an opera?
Kyo K.: That's a question I don't want to find an answer to.

"Well, I don't Know, Darien ...

Mai: Why is "know" capitalized? Is this a Trump tweet?
Kyo L.: *types* Silly Squirrel Mai James is a total LOSER and a FRAUD!
Mai: Heh.

I feel as if I'm letting them down if I
follow my heart at their expense." Darien leaned forward and kissed her. She
felt a strange sensation overpower her. Her eyes took on a vacant appearance
and she became disorientated and couldn't remember what she had said. Darien
fell back against their fluffed up pillows and spoke softly. "What were you
saying, Rei?"

"Of course, Darien my love ... whatever's the best for our relationship!"

"Good girl, now lets get back to what we were doing before we were
interrupted."

All: Uh...
Sonic: *sarcastically* Yeah, this brainwashing is definitely not gettin' creepy at all.
Kyo L.: Yeah, don't tell Akiko about that.

Darien threw back the bedclothes and climbed out of bed. He dressed quickly,
and turned back to where Rei lay smiling up at him. He wrapped her in a
thick woolen blanket, and without much effort lifted her off the bed and
cradled her in his arms.

Mai: It's my dream to look like a pig in a blanket for my one and only brainwashed love.

"Come on, my love, let's bury your power stick!"

Kyo K.: What the hell? You're just gonna bury that thing so one of Tsukino's birds can pluck it up later?

" Ok." Rei agreed. So they went into the temple grounds and Darien found a
shovel then dug a deep hole. Rei dropped the power stick into the hole and
Darien filled it with soil and scattered a handful of dead leaves over the
plot.

Kyo L.: So it's one of Team Rocket's traps now. Good.

ACT 7: ON THE MOON

Sensara, the new princess of the Moon Kingdom

Mai: Park it. We have a problem. Who is this lady who is randomly occupying this throne?
Kyo K.: Pretty sure that "random" is this fic's plot, Gloomy.

hadn't heard from the Sailor
Scouts on Earth in quite a while. She sensed her friends were in some sort
of trouble, so she sent three of the outer scouts to check up on things on
Earth.

"Neptune, Pluto and Sailor Uranus it is good to see you once again ...

Sonic: I thought that Uranus was the Wicked Lady.
Mai: Seriously, what is happening here?
Kyo L.: Randomness.

Unfortunately, this isn't a social occasion. I am concerned about Serena and
the inner scouts. I would like you to return to earth and investigate. And
find out if there have been any fresh attacks. If not, bring Mercury Back to
the Moon. I wish her to serve as my Royal adviser."

"Yes, your Majesty." They replied with one voice.

All: We are legion.

The girls then made
preparations before teleporting to Earth.

Sonic: But first, they went to the nearest intergalactic Dairy Queen.

ACT 8: TIME GATE

The rogue Scouts had just arrived at the Time Gate where Sailor Death was
waiting. "Who approaches the portal?" Demanded the familiar voice.

"I am Sailor Elusion and these are Sailor Scouts. We have a prisoner for
Prince Diamond!"

Sailor Crescent, their ally, chose that moment to step from the shadows.

Kyo K.: I have already lost track of these ridiculous names. You're writing this down, right, Gloomy?
Mai: Yeah, yeah...

"Well ... well ... well! What do we have here?"
Crescent asked drolly.

"Oh, its you Sailor Crescent, this is the prisoner-Neo-Queen Serenity. Will
you allow us to pass through the Time Gate?" Elusion asked formerly.

"Did you bring me the Silver Millennium Crystal?" Crescent enquired.

Sonic: Yes, they brought the Cubic Zirconia Crystal. You also want fries with that?

"Yes, but we must give it to Prince Diamond, for he is planning to Marry
Neo-Queen Serenity.

Kyo L.: Clearly, this part of the canon story had to be visited again!
Sonic: Is it really "visited again" or just "rewritten"?
Kyo L.: Hell if I know.

Just think about it, once Princess Sensara is out of the
way, you will be free to do whatever you choose.

Kyo L.: Yeah, you all can eat burgers without having to sprinkle that so-called weight loss shit on it.

If you so wished, you could
even become the new Princess of the Moon!" replied Elusion, offering a
roguish smile.

Mai: And I want a million dollars, but that's not happening, either.

"Well then. Since you put it that way. Just this once I will permit you to
pass, only if you promise that Sensara will either be killed or offered as
fresh life-force energy for the dark crystal!"

Kyo K.: Yes, because people are batteries!
Kyo L.: Don't say that around Akiko, either.

"Of course, Sailor Crescent, you have my word!" Elusion promised.

"I call upon the power of the Time Gate to open and let these great and
powerful beings pass through your shimmering portal!" Crescent chanted.

Suddenly, the gate opened and the Scouts stepped through.

Kyo K.: You were supposed to open the damn thing, not ask it out on a date.
Sonic: Pfft!
Kyo L.: Seriously, I have no idea what the hell's going on. Anything that's supposed to resemble a plot point is a jumbled mess.
Mai: You're sadly going to have to get used to that fact.

--

Continue to Part Three
Go Back to Part One
Go Back to Sequelitis Page
Go Back to Episode List
Go Back to Main MST 'EM Page