Mystery Science Theater En Masse

Four Riffers, Episode 7: Rainbow Eclipse (Part Four)

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Axl: We're not.

Don't forget to e-mail me and tell me what you think!

Emi: Read the first three parts to see what we think about this.

I would like to take this moment to say that a true friend is a person who will wake up in the dead of night (we are talking 3 A.M. people) to answer techinical questions about Sailor Moon.

Emi: If I called Miyuki at that time, she'd tell me to go back to bed!

Mary Ann is just such a friend, and I LOVE her for it. Corie reads all my stuff and tells me that it's good regardless of whether it is or not, and Skott tells me it sucks when it does, so they are true friends as well!

Akiko: *reads ahead* Yeah... that's why the Suethor's going to put her friends in the story later.
Miyu: *groans* She probably ignored this Skott person, too.

Note ~ This chapter is set in the Silver Millenium before, during and after the battle against Metallia and Queen Beryl. Just thought I'd clear that up. And Sailor Eclipse/Destiny is a product of my imagination.

Axl: Very limited imagination, huh?
Miyu: Axl!

Disclaimer: I am in major violation of virtually every copyright law in existence by writing this fic but hey, I couldn't stop myself. So I shall attempt to appease the vicious lawyers and copyright fairies by admitting that I am not the genius who created Sailor Moon.

Akiko: Of course not. If Suethors owned any original works, their quality would plummet farther than Lindsay Lohan's career.
Emi: We are so going to be sued now.

Rainbow Eclipse
PG13 (language and violence)

Chapter 6
Millenium Legacy

Axl: All owned by the Sue. Take note of that.

Serena was flying. She was flying through the universe, taking note of everything around her.

Akiko: This'll be on the test about the Milky Way later, right?

She floated through nebula, playing among the brightly colored gases. She flitted from galaxy to galaxy, absorbing the various shapes and delighting in the bright colors. Happily she danced among the stars, with no worries and no responsibilities.

Emi: And Serena's thrown out of character. Normally, she'd ask herself if she was dead. She wouldn't run and play around galaxies!

Soon, however, she was draw toward a certain spiral galaxy, with red and white dancing in it. She approached slowly, cautiously. With a yank, a strange force pulled her into the whirling mass of stars. Faster and faster she flew, the stars blurring to white lines. Serena pressed her eyes shut, enjoying this feeling of absolute freedom.

Miyu: *reads her notes* And normally, she would freak out and wonder what's going on. *puts her notes down, pushes glasses up* It's safe to say that the Suethor has turned the main couple into pod people.
Akiko: What Suethor doesn't do that?
Miyu: Uh... good point, Akiko.

Suddenly, a memory intruded, creating a rift in her peaceful mind. Dark hair, laughing blue eyes, tender kisses…Darien?

Emi: I don't know... I don't know anybody who has eyes that laugh. That's pretty creepy.

Looking around for his familiar face, it occurred to Serena for the first time that she was alone. Other memories intruded. Raye, Lita, Amy, Mina, Haruka, Michiru, Hotaru, Setsuna, Rini, Molly, Melvin, Ms. Haruna, Andrew, Rita, Lizzy, Sammy, Mom and Daddy. One by one the names penetrated her mind. Serena's eyes took in her surroundings. She was still flying, and she was rapidly approaching a planet.

Axl: A planet full of Mary Sues and Gary Stus? I knew that they were a species of their own!

The small rock shimmered with light. Drawing closer, Serena could make out houses, people, and a palace? Serena stared in awe at the breathtaking structure. It was a series of cubes, each perfectly symmetrical, stacked on top of each other. The steps were cut marble and pillars rose in the entryway. Serena glanced toward the highest point in the castle, its center tower. Balanced on top for all to see was the symbol that appeared on Pluto's forehead whenever she lent her power to someone else. Shocked, Serena jerked back into outer space. As she flew onward, Serena became lost in thought.

That was the symbol of Pluto. So that must have been the planet Pluto during the Silver Millenium. Am I in the past?

Akiko: And if you're not in the past and you're dead, just be happy that you left this crummy fic.
Axl: Won't that cause us to hate the Sue more?
Akiko: Oh. Right...

One by one the planets flew by. Neptune, Uranus, Saturn, Jupiter and Mars, all with people and light and laughter, all at peace. Finally, Earth came in view, and Serena's breath caught in her throat Beyond the Earth lay the Moon, and on the Moon was the Moon Kingdom, the beautiful center of the Silver Millenium.

Emi: Honestly, this fic must be great at holding the fans' hands a lot.
Axl: My hands feel rather sweaty now.
Miyu: Ew.

***

Serena wanted to dawdle when she reached to Moon Kingdom. She wanted to play in the fields and sit by the bubbling fountains.

Miyu: *sighs in frustration* Suethor, are you done turning the main character into a gibbering idiot now?
Akiko: Nope. That's why we have four more chapters after this.

But a strong sense of purpose drew her away from the happiness and leisure of these beautiful places.

Axl: *removes his dunce cap*

Slowly Serena approached the Moon Castle. She halted briefly when she saw the guards at the front gate, but noticed that the gate was wide open. Walking through it, she noticed that the guards didn't even glance her way. She brushed that aside, but noticed that no one paid any attention to her, not the guards, not the servants, not even the nobles who strolled the grounds and meandered through the marble halls of the castle.

I must be invisible. Serena thought.

*A loud thud is heard.*
Emi: *yelps in surprise*
Miyu: What in the world was that?!
Axl: Lemme check. *goes outside, returns after a few seconds* Uh... there's a giant dunce cap on the roof, ladies.
Akiko: Seriously?! I gotta take a picture of that! *runs outside* I'll be back in a minute!

Glancing down, she realized that she was still wearing her Sailor Scout uniform. Curious about why she was in this outfit and wondering why she was invisible, Serena continued to follow the silent call that was drawing her to a specific place.

Miyu: I thought that always happened when she was sent to the past. Why is she surprised now?
Emi: Miss Prower, you keep bringing that up. The Suethor already did her dirty work and made Serena dumber.

Beautiful marble tile shone on the floors and graceful arches led to rooms so large they dwarfed any human being. Twisting hallways and endless corridors provided an environment so impossible to navigate that any stranger to this amazing palace would have been lost in moments. Floating gently toward a pre-destined place, Serena filled her eyes with all she could, twisting her head and body in an attempt to look at everything.

Axl: Done holding our hands yet, Suethor? This chapter might as well be filler if you keep going here.

Finally, Serena faced a large door, engraved with rainbows, stars and hearts.

Axl: *looks at Miyu and Emi* And which one of you ladies will have a baby girl in the future?
Miyu, Emi: *looks at Axl blankly*

Caught between longing and curiosity, Serena hesitated for several minutes. Finally curiosity to see what lay on the other side of the door overcame her desire to explore the ancient castle, and Serena floated nearer to the portal. Pushing slightly on the engraved surface, Serena watched as her hand went through the thick material. Surprised and a little concerned, Serena passed through the door, and walked into a fairyland.

Miyu: *annoyed* You're a ghost, you doofus! My goodness, this is tedious!
Axl: It's tedious? Well, then! *puts on a new pair of headphones* Take these off of me when we get somewhere!

Marble pillars supported a vaulted ceiling, and diaphanous veils in rainbow hues were strung between them. Maps and charts covered a white marble conference table which stood in the exact center of the room. Twelve marble chairs carved with rainbow arches and shooting stars sat around the table. Serena ran her hand over the silk cushions of the chairs, noting that the cushions were the same color as the Scouts uniforms. Blue, orange, red, green, purple, navy blue, aquamarine and black. At the head and foot of the table were two larger chairs, one with a white cushion and the other rainbow hued. There was also a pink cushion near the white and yellow cushion. Glancing around, Serena noticed an archway which had gossamer hangings in rainbow colors tied back from the sides. Passing through it, she entered a gorgeous private bed-chamber. An enormous marble desk sat to one side, its surface bare in the center. Organized neatly around the edges were stacks of paper, pens and pencils and cut glass bottles filled with multicolored inks. Glass balls containing miniatures of all nine planets, the Moon and the galaxy were placed on a shelf above the desk.

Emi: *yawns, fluffs a pillow* I think I'm about to join Mr. James shortly--
Akiko: *returns* Hey! I got the picture and some pie!
Emi: *suddenly awake* Never mind...
Akiko: *sits back down, sets the pie down on the table* What'd I miss?
Miyu: You literally missed nothing. That's why I let Axl put on a new set of headphones. And why did you get pie?
Akiko: Hey, I was outside for a change. I just wanted to get something extra, Miyu-chan.
Miyu: Oh. Well, thank you--
Amy: *banging on the door* Hey! Where's my pie?! I was going to give that to Sonic!
Axl: *unfazed* The hell is that noise?
Emi: *turns pale* Uh... oh, no.
Miyu: *as her eyes widen* Akiko! You stole Amy's pie?!
Akiko: I thought she could always bake another one!

A huge bed was sat opposite the desk. The curtains were tied to the bed-posts, but were obviously made of a silky gauze, the same material that was tied at the sides of the archway. All the colors of the rainbow shimmered in those drapes and Serena could only marvel at the costly beauty of this room. The pillows were large and fluffy, and the pillowcases were made of the same material as the drapes. A tall white armoire stood against another wall, opened partly to reveal costly gowns and plain pants and shirts, not to mention a fine selection of boots and slippers. Serena then noticed a vanity, where cut glass bottles were filled with sweet perfume and jewels of every type and cut spilled forth onto to surface of the vanity. Standing back in awe, the sheer opulence of the Silver Millenium hit her full force.

My room must have looked like this. Wow.

Akiko: If your room looked like that, then Queen Serenity should've fired the designers.
Miyu: No, it looks like the Sue's room.
Akiko: Oh. Fire them, anyway.
Amy: *smashes the door down, notices her pie, points at Akiko* You! Pie thief! Hand it over!
Akiko: *acting innocent* Pie thief? Says the one who did the old "let the pie cool on the windowsill" thing? It kind of screamed "free pie" to me!
Axl: *startled* What the?! Okay, let's just avoid the drama and get this over with. I don't want any broken bones or missing teeth here. *hands Amy her pie* Here.
Amy: *sweetly* Thank you very much, Axl. I appreciate your kindness. *leaves with her pie*
Axl: I swear, she scares me sometimes. *notices Rory with his tools* Uh... dealing with that door now, Rory?
Rory: Yep. Got nothing else to do for now.
Axl: Oh, good. *mutters* And I wanted to try some of that pie. It looked pretty good.

Serena's thoughts were cut short when the chamber door opened. In strode Sailor Eclipse, her rainbow cape blowing out behind her.

Emi: And then she slipped on her cape and broke her neck. The End.

Placing her scepter in a marble stand by the bed, Sailor Eclipse reached up to her shoulders and released the cape. Tossing it carelessly on the desk chair, Eclipse walked to her bed and collapsed on it. She remained prone for a few moments, obviously enjoying the feel of her muscles relaxing. Sighing, she sat up, pulled off her boots and settled onto the bed once more, rainbow skirt flaring out around her. Serena watched her, took note of the ebony hair, which flared out on the pillow and the gold tiara which glittered prettily.

Akiko: Hey, um... I think I'm hearing stuff over the house.
Emi: Like what?
Akiko: Rain... I hope.
Miyu: *stammers, runs to the window* Oh. It is rain. *walks back to the couch and sits down* That was a bit of a scare.
Emi: Well, that will ruin the giant dunce cap now... unless it's a plastic cone of sorts.

A knock at the door caused Serena to start. Eclipse, however, just smiled and sat up.

Miyu: Of course. She's always elegant. This is annoying. *taps Axl's shoulder* I think we're getting somewhere now, Axl.
Axl: *removes his headphones* Alright, then.

"It's open," Eclipse called.

The door open silently and in walked Queen Serenity. Serena's heart jumped into her throat, and she forgot to breathe.

Emi: How could she forget to breathe if she's apparently a ghost and she met Queen Serenity before?!
Axl: Logic. Dead.

The queen moved with an inherent grace, silver hair sweeping the floor.

Akiko: So that's why there's no dust on the Moon Kingdom's floors.

Sighing in envy, Serena moved into the other room and towards her mother, reaching up a hand to brush her face. The queen walked by, as oblivious to Serena's presence as everyone else had been.

*Another loud thud is heard.*
All: *startled*
Rory: *takes a deep breath, lets it out* I'm sorry, but giant dunce caps weren't supposed to be in my riffing career.
Axl: *gets up* Okay, this is getting stupid. What's going on out there? *looks outside* Huh. The cap's on the lawn. What the heck is that made out of?
Miyu: Who knows? I'm just amazed that it didn't crush your house, Axl.
Axl: *sits back down* Well, this house belongs to James, actually. But yeah... I'm also stunned that we still have a roof.

Moving slowly, the queen brushed the silky surface of the conference table with her fingertips. Serenity moved through the arch into the bed chamber, flowing toward the bed and the figure who lay upon it. Serena followed, unconsciously mimicking her mother's movements. Eclipse did not rise; she just sat and waited for her sovereign to join her.

Akiko: Is this supposed to be a bad girl on girl scene here?
Emi: I don't even want to know.

"You seem distracted." Serenity said, her crystal voice shimmering in the air.

Axl: Too hard to say that she spoke, huh, Suethor?

"I'm not." Eclipse replied. That said, she stood up, padding over to the desk.

"Oh, really?" the queen teased. "You barely touched your breakfast this morning. In fact, you've barely eaten all week."

"I'm dieting." Eclipse muttered, riffling through papers on her desk.

Miyu: Now that is a snarky comment. But really, Serenity's right. Something is bothering Eclipse.
Emi: You know how Sues are, Miss Prower. Nothing bothers them because they're perfect.

"You were completely lost in thought during the Security briefing at noon." Serenity pointed out.

"The head of security is a dead bore."

"YOU'RE the head of security!"

"Exactly my point. You should have me replaced."

Akiko: Really? Cool! *throws Eclipse out of the Moon Kingdom* Don't come back! We have enough Mary Sues here!

"You let Uranus throw you during combat exercises."

"Maybe she's getting better."

"Not that much better. She can't throw you. None of the Scouts can. You trained them." Queen Serenity sat down on the edge of the bed. "What is wrong?"

Axl: This entire fic!

Eclipse turned to look at her queen. They both stared into each other's eyes for several minutes. Finally, Eclipse ran at the bed. A back handspring got her into the air. Tucking herself into a ball, Eclipse flipped twice, then extended her body in enough time to thump onto the bed. Serenity raised a graceful eyebrow.

Emi: Honestly. Miss Kirishima wrote this, didn't she?
Akiko: That's it, I'm calling the Suethor "Jay" now.
Axl: And what the hell is a "graceful" eyebrow?
Miyu: *shrugs*

"Showoff."

"Aren't I? And you are right of course. None of the Scouts can beat me. I'm just too damn good."

Miyu: *gets the mop and bucket* I'm getting tired of this...

"And modest to a fault."

Akiko: *rolls her eyes*

"That too.

Axl: Sue, you're as modest as M. Night Shyamalyan.

If I hadn't been distracted, Uranus couldn't have thrown me.

Miyu: I hate it when Suethors write stupid nonsense like that.
Axl: I guess all Suethors write from the same manual and use the same stock quotes. Also, is there a Stuthor manual, Miyu?
Miyu: We're still trying to discover their stock quotes. Gary Stus exist, but they're difficult to find.

Her stance is too weak, and she's far too cocky. I must remember to tell her that."

Emi: Uranus is cocky? Sue, go look up the word "hypocrite". Go on.

"So you admit you were distracted."

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Inquisitive today, aren't we."

"Always. Why were you distracted?"

Axl: She was too busy looking at herself in the mirror before her training session.
Akiko: *as Eclipse* I'm so beautiful and wonderful -- wait, why did Uranus throw me to the ground?

"You don't give up, do you?"

"Not ever. I'm the Queen, which means that I get to win."

"All right, I give up." Eclipse sighed, rolling her eyes to the ceiling in mock exasperation.

"A wise decision." Serenity smiled.

Emi: Did someone just call the Sue out on her bluff?
Miyu: I wish.

"I scanned Earth again today, as you requested. I felt an ominous presence around the planet, and Sailor Mars mentioned that she sensed an evil presence. So I scanned."

"And what did you find?"

"Nothing. That's what bothers me.

Axl: Nobody tell the Sue that she accidentally did a scan to see if there were any brain cells left in her head.

Sailor Mars is never wrong in her premonitions, and my hunches are almost always right on the mark. I scanned Earth five times, and all five times I came up with nothing."

Miyu: *adjusts glasses* Like the plot to this fic.

"You aren't wrong." Serenity said softly.

Akiko: Mary Sues aren't supposed to be wrong, anyway.

"The crystal is reacting strongly to a powerful force that is completely unknown to me."

"Good to know. There IS something going on, and I am determined to find out what it is."

A crystal clock chimed the hour, causing both women to jump. Serena, who had been enthralled by the conversation, started as well.

Emi: What's so "enthralling" about this, anyway? Queen Serenity is kissing the Sue's behind. That's not exactly "enthralling".

Breathing a sigh of relief she turned back to the bed, noting that Queen Serenity had risen.

"I must be going. The entire palace is in an uproar over the banquet tonight. I should get back to supervising before the whole thing falls apart. Oh, but before I go, I brought you something."

The queen reached into the folds of her skirt and brought out a small leather pouch. Untying the drawstring, the queen emptied the contents of the bag into her hand. Serena gasped. A delicate necklace was revealed. Twelve star shaped stones hung off a delicate golden chain. Serena took them all in, naming the gems while marveling at their beauty. A sapphire, a topaz, a ruby, an emerald, an amethyst, an amber, an aquamarine and a garnet. In the center hung an opal star, flanked by a diamond star and a glittering pink crystal star. Eclipse and Serena both stared. Serenity smiled, holding it up to the light.

Axl: That's one tacky design.
Miyu: Not until you figure out the gemstones. The first eight represent the Senshi that aren't Moon or Chibi Moon, since those two didn't exist in the past Silver Millenium. And in the center? The opal... which represents the Sue.
Axl: Seriously? No wonder the Sue's name is Sailor Eclipse!

"Each star represents a Scout. This necklace is a …tracking device if you will. All you have to do is touch the star to know what the Scout is doing. You can either watch them, or you can be them, seeing what they see, hearing what they hear. And the opal star lets you track anyone in the galaxy, providing you can get a lock on them."

Akiko: That is the dumbest thing I've ever heard in my life.
Emi: They're Mary Sue devices, Akiko. They're supposed to be dumb.

"Who are the pink crystal and diamond for?" Eclipse murmured, fingering the sapphire stone.

Miyu: *frantically adjusts her glasses* Uh, Suethor? You're using the wrong word there...

"The crystal is for my daughter, and the diamond is for me." Queen Serenity said.

"Thank you." Eclipse said, reaching for the necklace. She put it on without hesitation.

Axl: Can't look any tackier, huh, Sue?

"What are best friends for?" Queen Serenity said with a smile. With that, the beautiful ruler swept from the room, leaving Serena in shock.

All: *blank stare*
Emi: This Mary Sue is... er, was... best friends with Queen Serenity?!
Akiko: Jay quit trying to write a coherent story long ago. It's gonna look even worse later.
Axl: It's already bad enough! How can this be worse?
Akiko: I read ahead, remember? It's seriously gonna look worse later.

Best friends?! Eclipse was Queen Serenity's best friend! Oh god, no wonder she was so sad. It must have been so hard for her…to lose her kingdom and her best friend in one blow.

Miyu: *plays a tiny violin*
Emi: Serena, you are the reincarnation of Queen Serenity's daughter. Why are you feeling sorry for someone who nearly killed you?!
Miyu: Well, this must be the anime version of Serena. So... she would eventually forgive her.
Emi: That is true.

Serena was helpless to stop the tears that ran down her face. She watched as Eclipse moved toward the vanity, admiring her new necklace in the mirror.

Axl: Sure it's just the necklace? She might as well make out with her mirror image with the way she keeps harping on about herself.

Sighing, the Scout rose and moved back to the bed. Sitting down, she reached for her boots, pulling them on one at a time. She then walked to her cape, swirling it around her shoulders and fastening the star clips in place. Retrieving her scepter from its stand, Sailor Eclipse moved back into the conference room, pened the monstrous door and walked down the hall. Serena floated after her, desperate to learn more about the solider. Serena reached the door, intending to pass right through it. Instead, she bumped into it. Shocked, Serena found that she could not leave this room. Desperate to find Sailor Eclipse, she hammered on the door, yelling and screaming.

Emi: *quietly* If the Sue had anything to do with that, I'm going to burn this house down.
Miyu: Uh... I'd appreciate it if you burned the Sue instead.

Let me out! Let me out! she thought, growing more and more desperate. When her hammering went unheeded, Serena collapsed, legs folded under her body, forehead resting on the cool stone surface of the door. The emotional trauma of the past twenty-four hours mixed with her desperation and fear. Tears began falling, slowly at first, then faster. Sobs wracked Serena's body as she sat on the cold floor, still hammering lightly at the door.

Akiko: Our heroine, ladies and Axl.
Axl: That ain't my heroine. I'm tired of looking at this pod person version of Serena now.

Calm down. came a sudden voice in her head. Look around. Things might not be as bad as they appear.

What? Who are you? Why am I here?

All shall be revealed in due course. came the cryptic reply. You shall see what you must in order to understand the enemy that you and your friends face. You know now how close Sailor Eclipse and Queen Serenity were. Now witness why Prince Endymion is the focus of her hatred.

Miyu: Who in the world is speaking to Serena?
Axl: The Sue, probably. I swear, the Suethor's really bad at this stuff.

Serena lifted her tearstained face from the door, and gaped in shock. The scene had changed. Only minutes before, the conference room was empty, and the chairs had been pushed snuggly up against the table. Now, however, the conference table chairs were full. All the Scouts were seated, with Eclipse at one end and Queen Serenity on the other. All were staring at a transparent, three-dimensional image of Earth. A dark aura surrounded the blue and green orb.

Miyu, Emi: It's Metalia.
Axl, Akiko: Who?
Miyu: I'll explain when we get there.

"I want you all to be on your guard. Dismissed." Sailor Eclipse stated. The Scouts nodded and rose as one body, filtering out of the large room until only Uranus, Neptune, Queen Serenity and Eclipse remained. Eclipse had turned her attention to the crystal keyboard, typing furiously.

Akiko: The only thing she could type was... "Me, me, me, me, me!"

Serena watched in awe as the image of Earth blinked out, to be replaced by air.

Emi: Miss Kirishima really needs to stop padding her word count...

Sailors Uranus, Neptune and Pluto waited patiently until Sailor Eclipse had finished. After putting the keyboard away, Sailor Eclipse stood at the marble table, fingertips balanced on it. She stared off into space, paying no attention to the others in the room. Shaking her silver ponytails tolerantly, Queen Serenity cleared her throat.

"Yes, my queen?" Eclipse queried, pulling her mind reluctantly away from her thoughts and toward the matters at hand. Queen Serenity gestured toward the remaining Scouts

"Yes, Uranus?" Eclipse questioned, eyebrows raised.

"If this new enemy comes from Earth, shouldn't it be Prince Endymion's responsibility?" Uranus asked.

Axl: I dunno, is it?
Akiko: That's only part of the nonsense reason, Axl. It's coming.

"In essence, yes." Queen Serenity replied. "However, the possibility that the Earth will be unable to stop this attack exists. In the eventuality that this power is able to pass through the Earth's defensive line, the Moon must be ready for anything."

Uranus nodded curtly and rose to go. Neptune followed her lead.

"Uranus." Eclipse called.

"Yes?" the blond scout said, turning.

"Practice those left side blocks. They are a little weak."

Emi: I believe that the next paragraph will contain the following words... "Sue beats Uranus."
Miyu, Axl, Akiko: Again?
Emi: Would it really count as "again" if this chapter is set in the past?
Axl: This fic didn't bother with logic. Why the hell should I do the same?

Uranus smiled tightly, and turned back toward her training master. Bowing insolently, she spun and headed out the door. In a split second, she pushed off the floor, flipping backward. She twisted mid-air and extended her foot, heading right for Eclipse's face. Eclipse merely stepped back a foot, allowing Uranus to fly by. Uranus landed lightly on the floor, and turned to attack again. She threw up her right leg in a karate chop, and braced for impact. Sailor Eclipse grabbed her foot and twisted, sending Uranus sprawling. Uranus came back up, only to be met with a swift knick to her left side. Grinning evilly, Uranus lashed out with her right foot, covering her left side with her left arm. Eclipse grabbed Uranus's left arm and twisted slightly, sliding the curve of her hip into Uranus's arm. With a quick movement, Eclipse brought her leg up sharply. Eclipse's leg landed on the back of Uranus's knee-caps. Her legs collapsed and Uranus fell to her knees. In an instant, Eclipse had the scout on her stomach, arms behind her. Eclipse placed her knee at the small of Uranus's back, effectively preventing any movement.

Emi: *woodenly* Who didn't see that coming?

Serena gaped. The whole skirmish had taken less than two minutes. Uranus attempted to throw Eclipse off, but was unable to budge the stubborn sailor.

Miyu: Obviously. Mary Sues never flinch!

Finally, Eclipse rose, offering her hand to Uranus. Uranus clasped the offered hand, allowing Eclipse to help her up. Smiling sheepishly, Uranus dusted herself off.

"Practice your left side blocks," was all Eclipse said.

Axl: The Sue isn't being a cocky ass for once? Embrace that, everyone!

"I'll make sure she does," Neptune said. Eclipse turned a brilliant smile on the aqua scout. "Besides, it's good for her to get whipped once and a while. Keeps her humble."

"I'm humble!" Uranus protested.

Neptune snorted, Queen Serenity shook her head again, and Eclipse laughed out right.

Akiko: If the Sue said that she was humble, you'd hear a pin drop.

"I am! Just because I a better fighter than all the other Scouts, and all the palace guards, and the Queen's personal bodyguards does NOT mean that I am conceited. I am perfectly modest when it comes to my superior fighting skills." Uranus lifted a gloved hand and mimed polishing her fingernails.

Miyu: Are we sure that Uranus said that? That's not a typo, correct?
Emi: That's actually Uranus. I'm... stunned. I expected the Sue to say that, not her.

"Now, all those palace maids and visiting dignitaries daughters falling all over me, that is enough to make me… Omph. Hey, what was that for?"

Neptune withdrew her elbow. "Stop talking before you manage to fit your whole leg in instead of just your foot."

"I speak only the truth." Uranus said loftily, holding her head high.

"Whatever you say." Neptune drawled, turning her eyes upward. "My queen, we shall withdraw now. Uranus needs to go pound a few palace guards to salve her wounded pride."

Axl: Why don't 'cha just put the Sue's face on a punching bag and smack that repeatedly?

The queen nodded, smiling slightly. Eclipse rolled her eyes toward the ceiling as Uranus and Neptune withdrew.

"My, my, my. Sailor Uranus is certainly driven." Serenity mentioned, rearranging her skirts.

"That's one way to put it. You could also say she's hotheaded, impetuous, rash, hasty or reckless. She is also cocky, stubborn and entirely too intelligent." Eclipse smiled. "I like that. Reminds me of me."

All: *groans*
Akiko: Oh, shut up, Jay...
Emi: *sighs as she mops up a wank puddle*

"Odd. I feel the exact same way." Serenity smiled.

The friends looked at each other, completely at ease in this room. Serena noted that years of friendship had deepened their relationship to the point where words were not necessary.

Emi: Or the Sue read the Queen's mind. Did you forget about that, you dingbat?

Suddenly, Eclipse grinned. A pack of cards materialized.

"Poker?"

"You read my mind. We need a few more people though."

"Not a problem." Eclipse touched her sapphire star. After a moment she moved on to the ruby, then the emerald and finally the amber and aquamarine.

"Mercury, Mars, Jupiter, Neptune and Uranus are on their way." Eclipse said, calmly taking her seat. She looked up, noticing that Queen Serenity was chuckling. "What?"

"Only you, my dear Sailor Eclipse, would use telepathy instead of sending a messenger."

Eclipse shot her friend a rakish grin "Hey, if you've got it, flaunt it."

Emi: *buries her face in a pillow*
Miyu: *removes her glasses, rubs her forehead* I can't bother with this nonsense...
Axl: Especially since the Sue flaunted everything in the first five chapters.
Akiko: There's more to flaunt.
Axl: *sighs* Why?
Akiko: Because the Sue can.

Serenity collapsed in gales of helpless laugher. Eclipse continued smiling.

Axl: *unamused* I'm supposed to be laughing at this?

This was how Mercury found them, her queen laughing hysterically and Eclipse watching, a smile on her face.

"What is going on?" Mercury asked, taking her seat

"No…Noth…" Queen Serenity tried to say.

"Our queen appears to have lost her royal mind. Not that she had much of a mind to lose…" Eclipse drawled.

Miyu: *cleaning her glasses lenses* Especially since you sucked it out with a straw, Sue.

This statement sent Serenity into another round of merry laughter, and Mercury caught the bug. When Mars and Jupiter arrived, the looked around in utter confusion at the scene before them.

Akiko: Yeah, Mars and Jupiter's reactions just cemented what we thought there.

"Did we miss something?" Mars asked. Mercury and Serenity only laughed harder. When Uranus and Neptune arrived, they looked at Eclipse after taking in the scene.

"Don't ask." Eclipse said.

Emi: I wasn't going to. This chapter is incredibly dull.

Serena watched as a game of five-card draw commenced. Neptune took the first hand with a straight flush Ace through 5 of diamonds. Eclipse took the second with a full house. They were using small marble and crystal tiles for currency.

Axl: Why is this here? Why should we care? Why won't this crap end?!
Akiko: This must be the seven layers of Hell or whatever they call that stuff.

"Hit me." Mars said, holding out her hand. Jupiter smacked her upside the head.

"Owww."

"Oh, sorry! Thought you meant it!" Jupiter said, eyes twinkling.

"Why you…" Mars reached for her glass of fruit juice, intent on throwing it in Jupiter's face. Jupiter saw her reaching and pounced. A brief struggle ensued, during which Eclipse rescued the tiles and cards and Queen Serenity retrieved the glass.

"Children! Do I have to separate you?" Eclipse demanded, hands on hips. All the scouts looked at her, and burst out laughing, falling into chairs and onto the floor.

Emi: *in a bored tone* Comedy.
Miyu: *yawns, gets a blanket* Might as well take a small nap myself...

They look so happy, Serena thought. They're all laughing, playing. Having fun. This is what Queen Metallia destroyed. This is what her evil brought to ruin. Not for the first time, Serena was fiercely proud that she had destroyed that evil, avenging her mother and this peaceful place.

Axl: Yeah, enough about you, main character. Get back to the Sue.

I thank you as well, came the strange voice in Serena's head. Much as I wish that I had been the one to destroy Metallia and her minions, I thank you for accomplishing what I was unable to do.

Emi: Oh, knock off the faux humbleness, Sue.

Who are you? Serena asked in her mind.

All: *annoyed* It's the stupid Sue!
Miyu: *sits up* Are you that dense?

I am that I am. You should not ask so many questions. Now you know how special the scouts were to your enemy. Now I shall show you why Prince Endymion was responsible for the destruction of this happy place.

Axl: Lady, you're on some strong crack if you still think that Endymion destroyed the Moon Kingdom.

Serena felt herself being pulled through the door. The halls flew by, blurring to an endless stream of white stone and colorful tapestries. Closing her eyes, Serena waited until all motion ceased. Finally, Serena felt solid stone beneath her feet, and opened her eyes slowly. There was Sailor Eclipse, pacing angrily. Her rainbow cape twitched every time she turned and her scepter made a sharp click whenever it hit the floor. Her boots made furious clicking sounds and her face was a thundercloud. Serena looked beyond the beautiful scout.

Akiko: Jay, cut that out! I'm tired of you telling us how "beautiful" and "regal" your Sue is!

There were two large doors carved with the different phases of the waxing and waning moon.

The space-time gate. Serena stated.

Yes. came the quiet reply

"She is sending me away! Away from the moon! And NOW of all times! When we are in the most danger!" Eclipse matched words for movement, making it plain that she was furious. "I am needed here. ANYONE could go to Saturn and evaluate the security of Titan castle. ANYONE! Why me?! They NEED me here!"

Axl: They don't need you shitting on canon like that. Go away, Sue.

"Peace, Sailor Eclipse. Your anger is disturbing the delicate vibrations of time and space." An elegant Sailor Pluto stepped through the gate, her scepter making no sound. "The queen wishes to send someone she can trust, that is all. You shall be home soon enough."

Emi: Home to see the ruins of the Silver Millenium...

"But I am needed here! The evil power emanating from earth grows stronger by the day! I cannot leave."

"But you will." Pluto stated, her eyes grave.

"Yes, I will." Eclipse confirmed.

"Do not worry so." Pluto said, noting that worry was the driving force behind Eclipse's anger. "You have trained the Scouts well. Uranus is the strongest fighter, but each has their own strengths. And Prince Endymion…"

"Prince Endymion? Bah! He is no fighter.

Akiko: Especially since you can beat the crap out of him in two hits, Sue.
Miyu: Uh... almost anyone that's not a monster of the day can beat the crap out of him in one or two hits... at least in the anime universe. It's rather common, sadly.

If he cannot control his planet, then the Moon shall fall. I cannot, nay, will not allow that to happen!"

"Earth shall not fall. Endymion is a good and wise ruler, beloved by his people and our princess. Trust him."

Akiko: We already know what happens in the present. She hates his guts.

"Will you fight?"

"What?"

"If the Moon is in danger and I have not yet returned, will you fight?"

"I cannot. You know that."

"But you will."

"Yes."

"Good." Eclipse clasped Pluto's shoulder warmly. "That is what I wanted to hear."

Axl: Because god forbid that you say anything other than what the Sue wants to hear.

"Go then, and go in peace."

Eclipse nodded, consternation and worry still marring her brow. Nonetheless, she stepped toward the giant door.

"Cronos, god of Time, guide my feet. Mark my path straight and true. Goddesses, mother of all things, show me the way. Hold me in your arms until I return home once again. Help me complete my mission and to maintain an honest heart and clear mind. So mote it be."

Akiko: Honest heart? Clear mind? Yeah, like the Sue has those.

Eclipse whispered, her hand upon the door, praying for the blessings of all the gods. Serena noted that Pluto had bowed her head in prayer as well.

"So mote it be." Pluto intoned when Eclipse had finished.

Raising her Garnet Rod high in the air, Pluto called forth the key to the immense door. When it opened, a vortex was revealed. Serena gasped as Eclipse stepped forward fearlessly, the colors of her rainbow cape dulling with the lack of light. Serena felt herself being pulled after the scout, and so she followed. Craning her neck, Serena looked back at the door, where Pluto stood in a stark silhouette. Pluto raised her scepter, and the time-space door swung shut. Serena floated quickly after Eclipse.

Now do you see? came the disembodied voice.

See what? Serena asked, totally bewildered.

Do you see why Endymion is the target of this Sailor's wrath?

No.

Miyu: Good, because neither do we!
Axl: *as Eclipse* Oh, I walked through a time door and said that Endymion's not a fighter! Do you see why I hate his guts for no reason yet?!
Emi: *giggles* Well, that's what it sounded like to me, Mr. James.

Then let us go forward yet again. This time we shall jump ahead two weeks.

Bring it on! Serena challenged, not allowing herself to show fear.

Emi: No, really... why is she scared? She's seen the destruction of the Silver Millenium before! This fic's supposed to be set after "Sailor Stars"! She already knows her past life!
Axl: This pod version of Serena has the memory of a worm.

Serena felt a hand on the small of her back. Suddenly, the hand shoved and Serena felt herself falling. She braced herself for impact, but never hit. Instead, she continued to fall. Opening her eyes, Serena saw a small light far ahead. The light grew bigger as Serena fell faster and faster. Truly frightened now, Serena threw her arms up to protect her face and squeezed her eyes shut.

Open your eyes, princess. came the musical voice.

Akiko: Jay, stop flattering yourself in your own fic, please.

Serena obeyed, and then wished desperately that she had not. Below her was utter carnage. Granite pillars and great buildings had fallen, children were crying and screams could be heard everywhere.

Oh, god, this can't be Saturn. No, no.

Covering her mouth with one gloved hand, Serena watching in horrified fascination as Negaverse monsters ran through the streets. The people cried in fear as the creatures feasted on their energy. Serena saw a monster advancing on a helpless child, who was wailing her terror. Serena reached for her tiara.

Miyu: You're a ghost in the past, you fool!
Akiko: Why the heck is everyone so stupid -- oh, right. Sue fic.

"Moon Tiara…"

Emi: "Moon Tiara Action"? Eternal Sailor Moon can't do that since she has no physical tiara on her forehead!
Miyu: That means that the Suethor did depower Sailor Moon on purpose! I thought that was a mistake!
Axl: Can't be a mistake if she's trying that technique.
Miyu: Well. That just showcased the worst form of Mary Sue fanfics... depower the main character so the Sue can look better.
Akiko: Too bad that it just made Jay look like a hack.

"Sapphire Tornado!"

A mass of swirling blue fire engulfed the monster. Serena whipped her head to the left. There stood Sailor Eclipse, scepter in hand. The star stone on top had just begun to return to its normal color. A mother ran towards the child, passing right through Serena. Crying almost as hard as her child, the young woman scooped her little girl up and ran. Eclipse looked haggard as she turned to walk back up the alley.

Axl: Oh, the Sue's doing actual work! This is shocking!

Another scream sprung both Eclipse and Serena into action. Both charged down the alley toward the noise, passing dead bodies on the way. The monsters were everywhere, and Serena felt utterly helpless.

Emi: *stares at the screen* Please do not touch me, Miss Kirishima. I already know that Serena can't do a thing... especially since you told us that about fifty thousand times before.
Axl: This fic's word count has more padding than a couch!

Eclipse leapt to the top of a building, and began surveying the damage. Determined, she raised her scepter.

"Opal Rain!" she cried.

Serena tipped her head back. Streaks of fire in multiple colors were falling from the sky.

Akiko: Uh... does everything need to be in rainbows with this Sue?
Miyu: That's every Sue. *adjusts glasses* And that's also the color of techinicolor vomit.

The bolts hit with sickening force, destroying whatever they touched. Serena screamed as the fire hit not only monsters, but innocent people too.

Axl: *deadpan* Our heroine, ladies.

Eclipse turned her head from the carnage, closing her eyes and ears to the horror around her. Suddenly, all was silent. No one screamed, no one cried. The monsters were gone, but the damage had been done. Eclipse looked around, utter astonishment written on her features.

Emi: She's surprised that she killed everything?
Axl: Man, that Sue's powers are getting out of control.

Disbelieving, she leapt from the building, running swiftly toward what was left of the great Titan Castle. Serena followed, trying valiantly to ignore the charred corpses that littered the streets.

Miyu: You too would set yourself on fire if you had to be in the presence of this Sue.

When Eclipse reached the palace, she paused briefly, looking around intently. Hearing nothing, she leapt upward, covering three flights of stairs in one bound.

Akiko: *a little confused* Wait, she can do that?
Emi: Well... the anime occasionally showed the Senshi jumping from building to building, so... it's not that much of a stretch here.

Desperate, she searched the halls for signs of life.

Akiko: Uh... you killed everything. Why are you searching if you used a technique that would kill everything?

Serena searched with her, always a step behind.

Axl: Because Serena's not as graceful as the Sue!

Finally, Eclipse felt for her necklace. Grasping the sapphire star, she sent out a call. Tears forming, she reached for the topaz. One by one she touched and released the stars, tears pouring helplessly down her cheeks.

Emi: I know I'm supposed to feel for her, but it's making me want to play the tiny violin instead. I don't know why.

Finally she reached for the diamond star, pinching it tightly between two fingers. In an instant her eyes widened and a ray of hope pierced her sad eyes.

"Serenity," she whispered, and began running.

Serena matched her pace, trotting down empty halls and past ruined sculpture. Fountains still bubbled merrily, but neither Serena nor Eclipse paid any attention. Eclipse finally reached the time-space door. Desperately she pushed, trying to gain admittance. Finally she stood back, raised her scepter high, and began speaking.

Miyu: It's not going to be about how wonderful she is, right?
Axl: Nah, that speech will take about five hours.
Akiko: That's actually how long it takes for Jay to get out a simple "hello" when she talks to us.
Emi: *snickers*
Miyu: I should've asked this earlier. Who is this "Jayleen" person?
Emi, Axl, Akiko: You don't want to meet her.

"With strength of will and purity of heart do I demand admittance to the mists of time and space. With noble intentions do I beg admittance. With prayer and pledge Was I guaranteed admittance. With blood and tears Do I seal admittance. Afrendash!"

Rory: *hands the Sue a tissue* Bless you.
Axl: *cracks up*

A bolt of white lightning streaked toward the door, blowing it to smithereens.

Miyu: Wait... what?!
Emi: Did that Sue just blow up the Space-Time Door?!
Akiko: Yeah, that's what that Sue did.
Axl: Well, if that doesn't scream "crapping on canon", I don't know what does now.

Eyes cold, Eclipse strode forward, followed by Serena. Once again, Serena felt the despairing sensation of falling. Closing her eyes tight, Serena waited for it to end.

Axl: Now you know how we feel about this fic, Serena.

The two Scouts, one visible and one not, landed on top of what had been the door to the time-space gate. Eclipse's indigo eyes widened as she gazed around.

Akiko: *gets a new pint of ice cream, begins to eat a spoonful* I didn't forget the "indigo" game, Jay.

The Moon Kingdom was no more. The gardens, fountains and buildings had all been destroyed. Only marble slabs and bits of the grand columns remained. The Moon was silent, and the silence was deafening. Serena stared once again at the ruins of her former home and felt her heart constrict.

Emi: Serena! Go see a cardiologist -- wait, you're supposed to be a ghost. Wait, why is your heart constricting in the first place... *holds her head* My head hurts now...

Eclipse looked on in dismay and sorrow, crushed to see her home so destroyed. Her eyes flared again suddenly and she felt for the necklace. Her fingers closed on the diamond star, and she closed her eyes.

"Serenity," she whispered again, and her eyes sprang open in dread. Suddenly the rainbow Sailor was off, running toward the ruins of her home, cape and hair streaming behind her.

Axl: *as the Suethor* Whoops, I forgot to tell the audience how elegant my Sue was for a minute there! Let me remind you all about that!
Emi: It annoys me that the Sue is another survivor of the Moon Kindgom's destruction...
Akiko: Wait, another survivor?
Miyu: Yes. Luna and Artemis were the only survivors... and they were Queen Serenity's advisors. Long story short, I think that the Suethor just rendered them obsolete.
Axl: Miyu, that's what Sues do. They render everyone obsolete.

Serena floated briskly behind her. It seemed to take ages to reach the palace ruins, but it didn't take long to see that there were no people. No corpses, no survivors, no monsters. Eclipse looked about frantically. Finally her eyes fell on a white clad figure lying prone on the remains of a pillar.

"Serenity!!" Eclipse cried, anguish in her voice.

Eclipse dashed to Serenity, checking her for signs of life, crystal tears pouring down her cheeks.

Axl: Wait... this Sue cries crystal tears?
Akiko: *with another spoonful of ice cream* Yeah, that's what caused that Rory guy to drag you back in here.
Rory: *still working on the door* She's right, Ax.

Suddenly, Serenity's eyes fluttered.

"Destiny," the fallen queen murmured.

"Serenity! Oh, thank the goddess! What happened?"

"Negaverse…attacked. Queen…Metallia….Beryll…happened so fast…no time…no time." Serenity's eyes fluttered shut.

Miyu: I have no idea why the Suethor added an extra "l" to Metalia's and Beryl's names.

"No, no. Please, Serenity. You have to tell me what happened. There was a battle, I can see that much, but where are the bodies? Where are the scouts? Where is Serena?"

"Serena. Endymion…couldn't stop Metallia or…her…army. Beryll…killed Endymion. He wouldn't…go with her. Wouldn't…fight for…Metallia. Serena…killed herself."

Emi: Princess Serenity killed herself after Endymion died? So... we're going by the manga timeline, then.
Akiko: Like it matters. Jay stepped on everything, anyway.

"No! Oh, goddess, no."

"Other scouts…died in…the…battle. I used the crystal."

"No, oh goddess, Serenity! That was stupid! So stupid!"

Miyu: Sue. You just said that Serenity using the crystal to seal Metalia and Beryl's army... which prevented them from conquering or destroying the galaxy... was stupid.
Axl: Sues don't think, Miyu. They just do.

"Serena…others…all inside the crystal. They…will be…reborn on…Earth in the…future. Endymion…tried but…he just wasn't strong enough…to…win."

"If only I'd been here. I could have…"

Axl: *as Eclipse* If only I could've shown the entire universe my amazing Mary Sue powers and changed the course of canon events!

"No. You would have…died too. Couldn't have…stood that." Serenity gasped.

Akiko: I would've cheered for that, actually.

"I'm dying. No need for…both of us…to go."

"Don't talk like that. You'll be fine. I can heal you."

Emi: *blinks* This Sue... can heal people. Really?
Miyu: How many powers does she have?!
Axl, Akiko: Too many.

"No. Not this…time. Too late. Promise me…"

"Anything!"

"Find Serena…in the…future. Help her. Help the Scouts. They…need you."

"I need YOU. You are so selfish!

Miyu: Speak for yourself, Sue.
Axl: She's literally dying, and the Sue's calling her selfish. Wow. Just... wow. I hate you so much, Sue.

Don't run away from a little pain. Stay with me.

"You're my best friend. I can't make it without you!"

"Yes…you can. You're…stronger than you know. Be brave…Destiny."

"Don't talk like this. You need to save your strength."

"You were my first…friend. I'm glad I…found you. You…understood…me. Better than…anyone. I always…envied you."

Axl: *narrows his eyes* I'm going to riot in a second.
Akiko: If you do that, get me a blender.
Axl: What? Why?
Akiko: *shrugs* I dunno. Just thought a blender would be cool.

"Envied me? In the moon's name, why?"

"So brave…so strong. Telepathic and …beautiful. A wonderful teacher…and the best friend in the world. I'll miss you."

Axl: Yep. Jayleen wrote this. You know you've written something wrong when you're better than the goddamned Queen of the Silver Millenium!
Miyu: *hands the mop and bucket to Akiko* You didn't clean up yet.
Akiko: Yeah, uh... there's a reason for that. Cleaning's not my forte.
Emi: Oh, just clean it up, pie thief.
Akiko: *scowls*

Serenity tried to lift her hand, but the effort was to much for her. "I'll be…waiting for you. When…you die…I'll be there…waiting. Find…Serena. Help her. Help Endymion. Promise."

"I promise." Eclipse said, tears in her eyes. "now let me…"

"Goodbye…Destiny. I love you."

And with those words, Queen Serenity, ruler of the Moon Kingdom and foundation of the Silver Millenium, died. The moon lost some of it's silvery luster, as though it were weeping for it's queen. A rainbow figure knelt close to the body, her eyes closed in a pain beyond imagining.

Miyu: *plays the tiny violin*

"Serenity, Serenity, no, no ,no, no, no, no, no, nononononononononono! Oh goddess, please. You can't leave me alone like this! You can't die, Serenity. You're the only one I have left."

Axl: And I'm supposed to feel sorry for you... why, again?

As Eclipse sobbed, Serena felt another mind touch hers.

Do you understand? the musical voice asked.

Akiko: *as she's mopping* Cut it out, Jay!

I see how much she has suffered, and I feel her pain like it was my own. But no, I don't understand why she hates Darien so much. It doesn't make sense.

All: Exactly!

He failed to defend the Moon Kingdom as he promised he would, and you died, you and the other Scouts. This would have been bad enough, but due to his failure to defend, Queen Serenity died. This caused a sorrow beyond imagining for Sailor Eclipse, and it also fostered anger. She was sent away because of the Queen's misplaced faith in Endymion's abilities.

Miyu, Emi, Axl: What the heck?
Akiko: *as she's putting the mop and bucket away* I told you all that it made zero sense!
Miyu: Okay, no. She wouldn't send the Sue away if she had all of those powers. Besides, he was one guy against en evil entity from the freaking Sun!
Emi: Not to mention that Queen Serenity never had faith in him to begin with! And let's not forget that Metalia corrupted most of the people on Earth, too!
Axl: And why is he getting all the blame for something that Queen Serenity did in the first place? Jesus Christ on a cracker, that logic is dead!
Miyu: *removes her glasses, rubs her eyes in frustration* This fic is stupid and pointless now. And out of all the fics and articles that I've dealt with in my riffing career, that's saying a lot.

Serena shook her head as she continued to watch Sailor Eclipse. Broken sobs wracked her body, and her tears ran in small rivulets down the marble of the pillar. Ebony hair flowed behind her as Eclipse mourned her queen, confidant and best friend.

Axl: *irritated* Oh, shut the fuck up, Suethor. Don't tell us how beautiful your Sue is after the death of the Queen. That's tacky as shit.

Serena longed to comfort her, but felt the tug on her body that signaled it was time to move on. Her eyes and ears filled with images and sounds of Sailor Eclipse's grief, Serena was pulled away from the ruins of the Moon Kingdom. She focused of the Earth, floating calmly in space, thinking how odd it was that the planet looked the same as it always did in spite of the terrible battle that had ravaged the solar system. On that note, Serena fell into darkness and knew no more.

Emi: *bitterly* Good. That's how I would like to forget this fic.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Formatting is pure, unadulterated EVIL!!! Especially when it won't work!!! Don't you just hate that?

All: *stare at the screen*
Miyu: There's something evil here, and it's not the formatting.

I therefore apologize for the horrendous formatting of this chapter and all the others. My bad.

Please direct your attention to the happy little review box just below. Lyra would much appriciate it if you (the reader) would leave a small note for her (the author) indicating whether or not you enjoyed this fic. So have a party, be cool, and review!

All: *writing letters*
Axl: Dear--
Miyu: Oh, no, Axl. Don't start that again. Let's have Akiko read her letter instead.
Akiko: Oh, cool! *clears her throat* Dear Jay... did you seriously write this fic with all of your brain cells intact?
Miyu: *gives Akiko a blank look, turns to Emi* Uh... um... Emiko? How's your letter going?
Emi: *meekly holds up a picture of herself burning Eclipse* You told me to burn the Sue, so I did that in this picture.
Miyu: *goes pale* You all worry me. I feel like I'm riffing with Kyo now.

--

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