Mystery Science Theater En Masse

Four Riffers, Episode 7: Rainbow Eclipse (Part Six)

--

Hey, minna!

Miyuki: This is the first time that the Suethor's used fangirl Japanese. We were doing just fine before that showed up.

So here is Chapter 8. I shall try to keep the AN's short and sweet so that you can get on with reading.

Rory: Short? Sure that you got tired of praising yourself in them?

As always, thanks to Mary Ann, Corie, Skott, Harley (yup, from the picture. He's a really cool guy), Herm, Jess and melrae, bhandy and gummiebear. Dramaking12 and hegira, you are the bomb! Thanks for all you do.

Kaoru: So those are the people who praised her subpar work?
Cassy: It's far from subpar.

Disclaimer: Kenny Loggins, the Urythmics, and Sailor Moon are hosting a beach party and you are all invited! No for real. They are having a party in honor of me, because I live in the frozen north in a house with no heat, and I neither own nor have any affiliation with any of them(or their songs, as the case may be)!

Cassy: Suethor, you are full of crap. You need to stop heaping praise on yourself like that. It's sickening.
Rory: Guess she didn't get tired of praising herself. Wow, this author has a giant ego.
Kaoru: Huh. No wonder Akiko and Emi believed that Jayleen wrote this. I'm beginning to see the similarities now.
Miyuki: *shudders*

Rainbow Eclipse
Rated PG

Chapter 8
Mirage

The reunion between Serena and the girls was filled with tears, questions and yelling. That is, Serena, Mina and Lita cried, Amy asked questions and Raye yelled at Serena

Miyuki: *looks at Emi's notes* Uh... Lita wouldn't cry. I don't know what this is, actually.
Cassy: Crap. It's crap, dude.

"How could you be so stupid?! You scared us all to death! If you ever do that again, I will hunt you down and KILL you!" Raye yelled, all the while hugging her best friend.

Rory: Okay, wait, stop, time out. Serena was unconscious, right? And the Senshi saw that happen. And they knew that the Sue did it and snatched her up and probably carried her around Tarzan style. Why is it Serena's fault?
Cassy: Because it's never the Mary Sue's fault.

A message passed between the two girls, relief showing on both their faces. "What happened?!" all the girls asked.

Kaoru: I'm guessing that the Sue wiped their memories as well. Is that why they're so... incompetent?
Miyuki: Probably.

Promising an explanation, but insisting that she was hungry and needed to sit down (the declaration of hunger brought smiles to everyone's faces), the group headed down to Crown Resturant.

Miyuki: They still didn't take her to the hospital, huh?
Rory: That brain damage.

Darien and Serena held hands under the table while Serena related the entire story to her friends and true love.

Kaoru: *removes her dunce cap* As if we already didn't know that Serena and Darien were lovers.

Serena carefully withheld the real name of the vengeful Sailor Eclipse, understanding on some primal level that they were in no danger from Sailor Eclipse's earth form.

Cassy: Okay, stop. The Sue wiped her memories in the last chapter. How could Serena remember the civilian identity of Sailor Sue?
Kaoru: *as she's looking through Akiko's notes* This is incredibly inconsistent... just like my sister's ability to summarize this thing. At least she tried this time. *begins to look through Miyu's notes and the previous chapter* And no, she only erased Serena's walk away from the Sue's apartment.
Cassy: That's still stupid.

When Serena finished her story, utter silence reigned. No one could think of a thing to say.

Rory: Because she was speaking gibberish the whole time! I told you that she has brain damage from that big ol' lump on her head!

Lizzy brought their food, and everyone dug in, everyone but Serena. Serena was recalling the hurried words exchanged between Destiny and Skott moments before Skott had left.

'Ten o'clock, right?'
'Yup, at the Sunset Mirage.'

Miyuki: Yeah, this Sue really did some selective memory wiping, huh? Only leave in the parts that make her look awesome.

Serena gasped, and rose suddenly.
"Sere? What's wrong?" Darien asked, worry clouding his voice.
"Nothing." Serena said, with a brittle laugh.

Rory: Yeah, nothing says "nothing" like shooting out of your seat like a bullet.

"I have to get home. Don't want Mom and Dad to worry. Bye!" Serena hurridly left the resturant, a plan forming in her head. Rushing to a phone booth, she grabbed the plastic covered phone book and began skimming pages. "The Sunset Mirage, 2356 Tokyo Way," she murmured. Ripping the page out of the book, she turned toward home. 'The Luna Pen can get me in. I just hope I can…help her.' Serena thought, hurrying home.

Cassy: Help? You want to help her?
Kaoru: *as she's reading Miyu's notes* It's in her character, according to these notes.
Cassy: The Sue's dumber than a box of rocks, dude. I think she's beyond help to me.

"Sere!"
Serena turned. "Darien!"
"Sere, what's wrong? You aren't yourself, and I'm really worried about you. You disappear for hours, I think I'm never going to see you again, and then when I have you back, you vanish! What's going on?"

Rory: The Sue brainwashed her! Help Serena!
Cassy: Dude! Did you just forget that a Sue tried to kill you?!

"Darien, I…I have to protect you. All of you. This is my fight; only I can win.

Miyuki: *as she's reading Emi's notes* Uh... that's not something Serena would say. Sure, she'd try to keep it to herself, but she wouldn't say something like that.
Kaoru: I'm beginning to wonder if this fic should've been called "The Me Show".

Please, just trust me. I'll call you later, kay?" Serena reached up and touched his face before spinning and taking off again.
'Don't worry Darien. I'll keep you safe. I promise.'

Cassy: Hope she doesn't go unconscious for another 16 hours.
Rory: Drain bamage.
Cassy: *snickers*

***

Later that night

Serena looked spectacular, as the appreciative glances of men told her.

Kaoru: No. I dress for my comfort, not for the comfort of others.
Cassy: As you should.

The Luna Pen had increased her age to 21, her hair styled in a windblown way. A cresant moon tattoo surrounded her belly button. A short black leather skirt and midriff baring tanktop in the same color gave her an exotic appeal. Sheer black tights and black ankle boots allowed her to blend in with the night. Her make-up was subtle, but effective. All in all, she looked hot, and she walked with the air of one who knew exactly how great she looked.

Kaoru: Is this fic telling me that I should look like a rock star? *nods to Cassy* Because that's her department. And my sister's dream department.
Cassy: Yeah, you're not allowed to look "girly", dude. You know how these Sue fics are.
Miyuki: So... I should dress like a rock star or look like I'm about to give a few blowjobs on a tacky street corner?
Rory: *startled* Bwuh?!
Cassy: Whoa! Miyuki, no!
Kaoru: That's... not how I'd phrase it...

The Sunset Mirage was one of the trendiest night clubs in town and the line for admittance streched around the block. Serena ignored the line, walking right to the front.

Rory: And broke into the club through the window. See, that screams "rock star".

A neon sign, glowing purple and green against the black night made the entrance more visible. The white marquee proclaimed "MYSTIC VISIONS, Friday through Sunday." When Serena got to the door, the bouncers did a double take, gawked for a minute and then ushered her right in.

Miyuki: Hey, if you look like the Sue, hop right on in!
Cassy: *mesmerized* We are legion.

Inside the club, tables were lit with small blue shaded lamps. Food and coffee were pricey, but no one blinked at spending the money.

Rory: Besides, I'm comfortable spending Cassy's and Axl's money!
Cassy: You cheap bastard.

Serena found a corner table and sat, her eyes fixed on the empty stage. She didn't have long to wait.

Miyuki: Because they didn't come at all! Now let's get a better band!

Within moments, the manager of the club walked front and center. He stepped carefully over cords and speakers and nearly fell into the drums set. Onlookers clapped and cheered him on.

Kaoru: When they weren't laughing at him, of course.

Taking an elaborate bow, the man stepped up to the center michrophone. "Without further ado, people, MYSTIC VISIONS!"

All: *clapping halfheartedly*

Serena joined in the clapping. Two other people had joined her table and they were cheering enthusiastically.

Rory: All that brainwashing!

Destiny stepped onto the stage, followed by Skott, Mary Ann, Fabian and Harley. Mary Ann wore a crushed black velvet skirt with a short red silk jacket covered with green, blue and gold embroidery. Skott wore black jeans and a red silk vest. Harley was dressed in a tight black undershirt which conformed to his muscles and black jeans. A red bandanna was wrapped cowboy style around his neck. Fabian wore black body armor, the kind worn in virtual reality movies, and combat boots. Destiny wore a short, skin tight, red velvet number with a black trench coat and black sandals that twisted all the way up her calves. Serena was impressed.

Cassy, Rory: *struggling to hold up a giant "We Don't Care" sign*
Miyuki: I got this, guys. *effortlessly holds the sign up*
Rory: *impressed* Wow. Uh, remind me to never make you angry.
Miyuki: I'm not the Hulk. It takes a lot to make me angry.

The band members picked up their instruments and waited. Then drummer lifted his sticks.
"5, 6, 7, 8!"

Rory: 9!
Cassy, Miyuki, Kaoru: *stares at Rory*
Rory: *laughs nervously*

(Kenny Loggins)

Revvin' up your engine
Listen to her howlin' roar
Metal under tension
Beggin' you to touch and go

Highway to the Danger Zone
Ride into the Danger Zone

Kaoru: So... this fic ran out of ideas and decided to turn into a songfic?
Miyuki: You're implying that this fic had ideas in the first place.

Headin' into twighlight
Spreadin' out her wings tonight
She got you jumpin' off the deck and
Shiftin' into overdrive

Rory: "Overdrive"? Is that how we'll describe Cassy's boredom?
Cassy: Oh, ha, ha, dude.

Highway to the Danger Zone
I'll take you
Right into the Danger Zone

Kaoru: I've hit the boredom zone...

You'll never say hello to you
Until you get it on the red line overload
You'll never know what you can do
Until you get it up as high as you can go

Out along the edges
Always where I burn to be
The further on the edge
The hotter the intensity

Miyuki: Is this supposed to mean something?
Cassy: About how the Sue is "daring", proably.

Highway to the Danger Zone
Gonna take you
Right into the Danger Zone

Highway to the Danger Zone!

Serena was totally lost in the music. Skott's voice was wonderful, perfectly suited to the rough rock and roll sound.

Miyuki: Oh, the Sue wasn't singing! My mistake!
Kaoru: She probably will soon. And Serena will probably be "mesmerized" because Mary Sues are supposed to have those wonderful singing voices.

The songs continued, mostly classic rock n' roll. Finally, the band announced that there would be only two more songs.

"This one is an original by written by Destiny and Fabian. Give it up!" Skott declared. The crowd clapped and cheered. Smiling, Destiny stepped up to the mike.

Cassy: Yeah, of course we had to fast forward to the Sue's wonderful wind chime voice.

Her fingers moved quickly to the guitar strings. Haunting music, notes that spoke of love and loss, drifted from the instrument.

Rory: *scoffs*

The Minds Mirage

Kaleidoscopes of color wheel around
I am lost in memory's typhoon
Sapphire and ruby
My thoughts flash quickly
And vanish like paper in flame.

I see a girl longing to fly
She's pining for love and eternal light
Trapped in a jar whose seal is tight
To protect her heart

Cassy: *grabs a microphone, begins screaming into it* Feel sorry for me, feel sorry for me!
Rory, Miyuki, Kaoru: *covers their ears*
Miyuki: Ack!
Rory: *shouting* Cassy! Cassy, stop that!
Kaoru: *thinking* How horrible...

Just remember, it's your imagination
Only the mind's mirage
Things come and go
Thousands of pictures from a desert storm
Leap out and then fade
It's only a projection
Just the mind's mirage

Cassy: *suddenly stops singing, immediately dodges Rory* Uh-oh!
Rory: *wrestling with Cassy* Gimme that stupid mic, you tone-deaf cat!
Miyuki: *ignoring Cassy and Rory rolling around on the floor* Pfft. Even the Sue's beginning to realize that her attempted revenge on Endymion is total crap.
Kaoru: *also ignoring Cassy and Rory* If that's the case... then what's the point? Why does this fic have ten chapters?
Miyuki: I don't know. Maybe it is just a fic where the Sue shows off her million "skills".
Kaoru: What a complete waste of time.

Betrayal and grief
Overwhelm the senses
The loss of innocence and confidence
Destroys all things.

Just remember, it's your imagination
Only the mind's mirage
Things come and go
Thousands of pictures from a desert storm
Leap out and then fade
It's only a projection
Just the mind's mirage

Only a projection
Just the mind's mirage

Miyuki: Just like this fic. A total mirage.
Kaoru: *sighs*
Cassy, Rory: *panting, staggers to their seats*
Miyuki: Are you two okay?
Cassy: That... was a lot less painful than this fic.
Kaoru: Even though your clothes are ripped and you two are somewhat bleeding?
Rory: Uh... I guess so.
Kaoru: *sighs as she gets some medicine and bandages*

When Destiny finished singing, the club was silent. Then a single pair of hands began the clapping. Serena was shocked to see that she was applauding.

Kaoru: *as she's treating Rory* I don't think that a slow clap tells me much about their "wonderful" performance.
Miyuki: Serena's the only one clapping? Uh-oh! Did the Sue learn how to use Emi's marionettes?
Kaoru: Probably.

Then another person joined in, and another. Soon the club was roaring its approval.

Rory: *boos, coughs* I think that was a lung, but I'm not sure.
Miyuki: Eww.

Destiny smiled and bowed slightly. "One more, you guys!" she yelled.

Cassy: *as Destiny* Yes, yes... the little people are now at my command...

(Urythmics)

Cassy: It's spelled Eurythmics, dude. You forgot the "E".
Rory: I give this fic an "E".
Miyuki: Don't you mean "F"?
Rory: No, I've had an "E" on my report card before. Got a big fat "E" in my English class. Boy, my mom and dad were totally mad about that.

Sweet dreams are made of these
Who am I to disagree
Travel the world and the seven seas
Everybody's lookin' for something.

Rory: Oh, take a leak on that song, why don't you!
Cassy: *reading the correct lyrics* It's also supposed to be "this", not "these". But yeah, it does sound like "these" in the song... wait, when was this fic published?
Kaoru: 2001.
Cassy: Huh. Suethor couldn't be assed to look those lyrics up, huh?
Miyuki: Nah, it probably took too much time away from her self praise.

Some of them want to use you
Some of them want to be used by you
Some of them want to abuse you
Some of them want to be abused

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Finally the concert was over. The fans booed and called for an encore. Destiny just smiled.

Kaoru: *sighs, begins treating Cassy*
Miyuki: I don't like this Sue. I don't like her at all. There's that certain air of smugness.
Kaoru: It really does remind you of Jayleen, doesn't it?
Miyuki: Ugh, yes.

The band waved to the crowd, shaking hands and responding to yelled questions.

"When's your CD coming out?" someone yelled
"Soon, we hope. You'll be the first to know, babe." Mary Ann yelled.

Kaoru: I hope that's a "never".

"Ooo, baby!"
"You know it!" Skott yelled back.
Destiny just laughed and continued smiling, carrying her guitar across the stage and away from the crowd. Suddenly she stiffened and turned back to the crowd, searching. Finally her indigo gaze fell on Serena and she smiled.

Miyuki: I shall take up the "indigo" game for Akiko! Uh... *sips from her water bottle* ...this will do for now.

Serena gave a small scream.

Serena nodded, shaking slightly.

Rory: I'm pretty sure that Axl read that Sailor Moon hentai before.

Serena rose and walked toward the back of the club. When she reached the stage, she was forced to fight her way through the enthusiastic crowd. That took a great deal of doing, especially since almost everyone was trying to get to the door, which was in the opposite direction. Finally Serena managed to make it to the 'Restricted Access' door.

Cassy: Couldn't go in through a window like everyone else, huh?

"Name?" demanded a burly security guard.
"Tsukino Serena." Serena stammered out.
"Go right through. Destiny said you'd be back."
"Thanks." Serena pushed open the door and walked into a crowded room. All the band members were trying to get their stuff, but since the room was small, there wasn't much room to maneuver. Mary Ann was trying to crawl over Harley, who was reaching around Skott for a beer bottle. Destiny intercepted the beer.

Kaoru: What kind of tiny cubicle do they have for a room there?

"None for you. You have to drive." Destiny admonished him. Pulling his lips down and making puppy dog eyes got Harley a bottle of mineral water. Sneering, Harley gulped it down and reached for another one. It was about this time that Skott noticed Serena.
"Hey gorgeous! Lookin' for me?"

Miyuki: *as Serena* No, but you're going to be looking for a foot up your behind in a hot minute.

"No, sorry. I'm looking for…"
"Me. She's looking for me." Harley said.
"You wish. Actually, she's looking for me." Destiny drawled, shooting insolent glares at the guys.

Cassy: *as Destiny* Because it's all about me.

She had changed into biker pants and a silky red top that had 'Mystic Visions' scrawled across it. Her trench coat was still on, and the guitar case was strapped to her back.

Rory: *annoyed* Nobody cares, Sue!

"How come Destiny attracts all the cute girls?" Skott complained.
"Animal magnetism." Destiny quipped.

Miyuki: *shifts eyes* Yeah, that's how my rival gets all the cute girls herself. She does fight like an animal when she's in the ring.
Kaoru: So I've heard.

"Let's go, Serena."
"Serena? Not the staying-at-your-apartment Serena? The one who looked about sixteen this afternoon?"
"The very same. Let's go."
Serena followed Destiny's lead as they headed outside "Later, all." Destiny called "Practice tomorrow, noon. Don't forget."
Serena heard laughter and joking as the outer door swung shut behind them.
"You want to talk?" Destiny asked.
"Yeah." Serena said.

Cassy: *as Destiny* About how wonderful I am?
Rory: *as Serena* No.
Cassy: *as Destiny* Then get out, Sailor Failure!

"Well, change back to normal. I don't know how you did it, but this twenty something you is downright creepy. So get back to normal. Then we'll go on my bike."

Miyuki: *as Destiny* Because only I can look like that!
Kaoru: ...I thought that this Sue knew everything.
Rory: Guess she knew nothing about... *reads through Miyu's notes* ...the Disguise Pen. Well, it was called the Luna Pen in the dub, but still. *puts Miyu's notes on the table* Wow, she really is dumber than I am.
Cassy: Hey, if these clothes weren't shredded, I'd show you punk, Sue!
Rory: I thought that shredded clothes were part of punk wear...

Serena hesitated, but powered down. Smiling, her sixteen year old self climbed onto the electric blue motorcycle behind Destiny, legs hanging over one side.

Rory: Is this the part where the Sue drives into an alleyway and bludgeons Serena?
Miyuki: Have you been watching Emi's horror movie collection, man?
Rory: *shocked* She has what?! Aw, and she looked so nice and sweet, too!
Kaoru: Looks aren't everything.

Destiny kicked the engine to life and they were off, roaring across town. Serena kept her eyes shut.

Kaoru: How convenient.

When the bike stopped at last, she opened them, and gasped. Destiny had brought Serena to the Crystal Palace, or what there was of it. Construction was steady, but tonight the place was deserted.

Kaoru: *going through Miyu's notes* The Crystal Palace is a location in Crystal Tokyo... in the 30th century. *puts Miyu's notes on the table* Did this Sue just time travel on her motorcycle?
Cassy: *confused* Or maybe she went to the Moon and called the Moon Kingdom the Crystal Palace...?
Miyuki: So... we're either in the future or on the Moon. Wow, Jayleen. You sure know how to mix up some major details!
Rory: *holds his head* My head hurts.

Destiny left her guitar by the bike and climbed off. She strolled around the sight, looking up at what had been built so far. Suddenly, Destiny reached into her pocket and pulled out a leather pouch. Serena's jaw dropped.

Rory: It's just a pouch. What's next? The Sue will look wonderful while farting?
Miyuki: I wouldn't put that past her.

A star shaped brooch and the star necklace fell into Destiny's open palm. Smiling, Destiny held the brooch aloft.

"RAINBOW STAR CRYSTAL POWER, MAKE UP!"

Cassy: More words does not equal more power, Sue.
Rory: Uh... Super Mary Sue Infinity Rainbow Crystal Star Crappy Crap I Am Better Than You Power, Make Up!
Cassy: *stifles her laughter*
Rory: Wait, this isn't my final form!
Cassy: *laughs out loud*
Miyuki: *looks at Emi's notes* Nah, Sailor Moon had a transformation phrase like that in the manga... "Silver Moon Crystal Power, Make Up". *puts Emi's notes down* Yep. Those accusations of depowering Sailor Moon so the Sue can shine are getting a lot more merit.

Serena watched in awe as Destiny rose from the ground. A floating star surrounded her as she began to spin. Her brooch spun down onto her chest, and rainbow hued ribbons wrapped around her body. Another rainbow flew behind her, creating her cape and boots. Her scepter appeared with a flash of light. Grasping it, Sailor Eclipse smiled, a star shaped stone appearing to grace her tiara.

Rory: Still don't care.

Serena grabbed her own brooch.

"Cosmic Moon Power!" Serena transformed into Sailor Moon, determined to fight this person until the end.

Kaoru: Considering that her powers are knocked down and this canon warper is much stronger than she is?
Miyuki: Yep. And it's now confirmed. The Suethor depowered Sailor Moon.
Kaoru: I do not have high hopes for this.
Rory: Hey, wait. How come only the Sue gets to say "Make Up!" at the end of her transformation phrase? And how come she's the only one who gets a lengthy description of her transformation?
Cassy: Because she's the Sue. Gotta be better than those peons that we call "canon characters".

Floating back to the ground, Eclipse spoke.

Miyuki: No! I don't want to hear you talk about how awesome you are... again!

"It was the last gift she gave me." Sailor Eclipse said, putting on the star necklace. "We met when she was 6 and I was 5. She thought I was so immature, thought she was so much better, until I kicked her butt in self-defense class.

Miyuki: *stares at a puddle on the floor* Oh, lord.
Kaoru: *gets the mop and bucket*
Cassy: Yeah, it's only okay to be better than everyone else if the Sue does it. Hey, Sue? Eat a spotted dick.
Rory: Y'know, James brought one of those home one time.
Cassy: *stares at Rory*
Rory: What? He said that it was a kind of pudding from his country!
Miyuki: *looks it up* Huh. Well, he's right.
Cassy: Oh.

My mother was a palace servant, and Serenity was a princess, so we were miles apart socially, but that didn't stop us. We were inseparable. Serenity wouldn't go to her lessons unless I went too. So her parents made me her personal companion, and I went everywhere with her.

Miyuki: Just like every Sailor Moon Mary Sue fic ever. That palace must be stuffed with Sues!

We learned to read and write together, learned to fight together, fell in love together. I was her maid of honor. She stayed up all night with me when an evil male broke my heart.

Rory: I didn't know that Jerry Springer's show was on that long! He does look pretty youthful!

We were like sisters. I was your godmother; bet you didn't know that.

Kaoru: *as she's mopping* This arrogance...

When I became Sailor Eclipse, she made me Head of Security. When your father passed, I held her while she cried on my shoulder. She was part of me; the best part.

Cassy: Yeah, the part that you swallowed whole, you damn leech.

After she died, I wandered the galaxy, sought out the survivors on each planet and brought them to Earth. I knew, as Serenity had known, that Earth was the future. So I made it my mission to help rebuild the planet.

Cassy: Which we just discovered eight chapters into this stupid thing, and in an infodump, no less! The first five had the Sue trying to kill Endymion, the sixth was about the past, and the seventh was about how wonderful she is! This is bullshit!
Kaoru: Welcome to your average Mary Sue fic.

When the survivors had begun anew, I began sealing of the ruins of each kingdom. That is why few can see the marble pillars and slabs that were once the Moon Kingdom. As long as I hold the veil over them, no human eye that does not remember the Silver Millennium shall be able to see them.

Rory: Because she's that special.
Miyuki: So the motorcycle can travel to the Moon. At will. Okay, this is just stupid. Why are we on the friggin' Moon?!
Rory: Sorry, can't hear you over the Sue's self praise.

When that was done, I drifted aimlessly. I helped where I could, sought out new adventures and new horizons. I waited until I felt a glimmer in my necklace; waited until I could feel the minds of Uranus, Neptune and Endymion merging with mine. Pluto, of course, was ever present, but I couldn't reach out to her. My grief was too great. But when Endymion was born, I had a purpose. So I returned to Earth. I watched and waited, waited until his life was perfect. Then I set out to destroy it, to destroy his life as he destroyed mine. To make him suffer as I did!" Eclipse banged her fist on a wall of crystal, tears shimmering in her eyes.

Kaoru: *sighs*
Miyuki: How selfish.
Rory: *tries to play a tiny violin, drops it* Oops.
Cassy: Yeah. No sympathy from me, Sue dude. You're so on your own.

"But it wasn't as easy as I had hoped it would be.

Cassy: A Sue having to work for her stuff? The absolute horror!

I found that 'getting started' on Earth is a difficult prospect. So I went to a bank in Tokyo. I left my brooch and necklace in a safety deposit box, and left enough money to pay for its maintenance for 14 years.

Kaoru: Okay, this is just making less and less sense now. What is the point of this whole chapter?
Cassy, Rory, Miyuki: *monotone* To showcase the Sue's many talents that cause us to vomit in disgust.
Kaoru: *deadpan* Wonderful.

Then I went in search of parents. I found a young couple, 26 and 28 respectively, who had been told that they couldn't have children. I watched them for a few days and, using telepathy, discovered that the odds of them having a child without magical aid were nil. So, I created a small body inside the woman and dissolved my adult form, sending my soul into a new vessel. I was born knowing all, because I never forgot any of it. I see by the expression on your face that you don't believe me. I hardly believe it myself.

Rory: I don't believe it because it's a crock of crap! *waves Emi's notes around* Emi's notes state that the Senshi did not instantly remember their past lives when they were reincarnated!
Cassy: *stunned* Did she... just do a modern Jesus and Virgin Mary thing?
Miyuki: *also stunned* Yes. *facepalms* Oh, god.
Kaoru: *quietly mops up another puddle*

What I attempted was dangerous and could have gone wrong in a thousand ways. Miraculously, I managed it.

Cassy: By the power of the stupid Sue plot device, yes. Yes, you did.

My parents were kind and loving. I'm an only child, so they gave me all the love they had.

Miyuki: Probably because if she had any siblings, she'd cannibalize them. Only the Sue can get all of the love and attention!

They were overprotective, yes, but they loved me, and I loved them. My mother and I were so close. At 14, on a visit to Japan, I returned to the bank and claimed my brooch and star necklace. I accepted my fate for the second time."

Sailor Eclipse looked so cool, so calm.

Miyuki: So frickin' annoying.
Kaoru: *mops up another puddle*

She was obviously keeping a tight rein on her emotions, and when she stopped speaking, Sailor Moon stood perfectly still, absorbing what she had heard. Finally, remembering exactly what had brought her here, Sailor Moon tried to reason with the rouge scout for the last time.

Kaoru: It's spelled "rogue". With that misspelling, I'm imagining that the Sue is being covered in red paint.

"Darien is not…"
"Not what? Not to blame? Yes he is.

All: No, he's not!
Rory: God, you're an idiot!
Cassy: What a vapid little ass boil. Once again, she's all too eager to talk about herself, but the second Endymion's brought up? *as Eclipse* Grrrr, I must put on my asshole face!

Him and me, it was our fault. Mine for leaving and his for inspiring misguided confidence. Our fault. Ours! I can't forgive him…"

Kaoru: Wait, you just said that it was partially your fault, but you passed all of the blame to him?
Miyuki: It's never the Sue's fault. That's probably the second rule of Suedom Law.

"You have too! Let it go, please, let it be. The past is the past."

Rory: Yeah, that grudge just spans years and years and years...

"Yes, it is, isn't it." Sailor Eclipse said, her eyes cold and malicious. "Don't interfer, Moon Princess! The past was my life! My life!

Cassy, Rory, Miyuki: *singing* It's all about me!

Metallia may have done the destroying, but Endymion failed to protect! He is to blame, and I will make certain he pays for his crimes!"

Kaoru: *facepalms* I give up. It's like trying to reason with a brick wall.
Miyuki: *slaps the Sue* Wake up, you stupid fuckwit!

"And where were you?!" Sailor Moon fired at Sailor Eclipse. "This is NOT Darien's fault as much as it was yours! Queen Serenity wouldn't have died if you had been there! She trusted you, and you failed her!"

Rory: Well... *reads Axl's notes* Serenity sent the Sue away, but... *scratches his head*
Cassy: Yeah, this fic quit making sense a long time ago. Maybe we'll get a decent explanation in a minute. I hope.

Sailor Moon's words hit Sailor Eclipse hard, causing her perpetual confidence to shudder.

Miyuki: "Perpetual confidence"? More like fake bravado.

"No." Sailor Eclipse whispered, stricken. "No, she sent me away…she ordered me to go…"
"Because she knew what was going to happen! She KNEW the moon was doomed!"

Cassy: Well! That made a lot of sense!

"No…that's impossible…"

Kaoru: Just like your many powers, Sue?

"She loved you as much as you loved her…as you still love her! She didn't want to see you die!"
"But…but…"

Rory: You can kiss mine.

"No buts! She knew that you had a greater purpose. She needed you to help us here on Earth. She needed you to help build Earth anew. She left you in charge of that; she knew you were the only one who could do it! She knew that we would need you, that Darien and I would need you! And you failed her! You let her down! You are putting all your energy toward trying to destroy what Queen Serenity gave
her life to protect! How can you DO that to her!"

Cassy: Ooh... burn!
Rory: *gets a bag of popcorn, rubs his hands together in glee* Good! Good!
Cassy, Miyuki: *grabs some popcorn from Rory's bag*
Rory: Hey, hey! Let me get some popcorn, too! This is my bag!
Cassy: *with a mouthful of popcorn* Yeah, your popcorn that you probably bought with my money, dude.
Rory: *scoffs*

Sailor Moon watched as her words penetrated Eclipse's shell. Every phrase, every syllable, had stabbed at Eclipse like a knife.

Miyuki: *tosses a knife aside* Nothing happened here.

Tears welled in Eclipse's eyes as she slumped against the crystal wall. Her eyes met Sailor Moon's, and Sailor Moon wanted to weep for the grief and loss she saw there.

Kaoru: I didn't.

Eclipse turned her eyes toward the waning moon, and lost control. Tears spilled down her cheeks and sobs wracked her body. Brokenly, Eclipse spoke.
"I am so sorry, Serenity. It was my fault, my fault.

Cassy: Oh, now she says it's her fault... after she tried to kill Endymion and some of the Senshi. A bit too late for that, isn't it?
Rory: Never too late after atempted murder!

I should have been there. I should have been fighting with the scouts, protecting the peace you worked so hard for. Oh, gods, Serenity! I am so sorry. You died because I wasn't there, and I didn't hear you when you called out. It was all my fault…" Eclipse collapsed to her knees, sobbing bitterly.

All: *silent*
Kaoru: Why is my sympathy level still low?
Miyuki: Because she was acting like an idiot this whole time.
Cassy: Yep.

Sailor Moon took a few steps toward her, but a pearly wall of mist had formed behind Eclipse. Sailor Pluto, guardian of time and space, was crying.

Miyuki: Since when did Pluto cry?
Cassy: Uh, almost never. Probably only when it included "Small Lady"... er, Chibiusa.
Kaoru: Everyone has to shed tears for the Sue.

She had come to comfort her friend.
"Sailor Eclipse." Pluto said.
Eclipse looked up, rose and ran into Pluto's open arms. Together, the two scouts cried, grieving for a kingdom too perfect to exist for very long.

Rory: Hey, I found the tiny violin! *drops it* Oh--! *sputters*

Their tears were for a time long forgotten, for music and poetry few remembered, and for a woman whose courage and selflessness had saved the galaxy.

Cassy: Not Queen Serenity. Fic's talking about the Sue.
Miyuki: Uh-uh. I'd have to slap somebody... else.

Sailor Moon looked toward them, and Sailor Pluto's eyes met her own. Sailor Pluto nodded, tears forming rivers of light on her cheeks.

Kaoru: "Rivers of light"? What kind of nonsense writing is this?

All was well.

Rory: *with a mouthful of popcorn* No, it freakin' isn't!

Centuries of loneliness and grief could not be erased instantly, but the healing had begun.
"SAILOR MOON!"
Sailor Moon spun around, trying to locate the source of the desperate yell. Eclipse was still crying, but she appeared to have complete control over the rest of her faculties.

Cassy: Did the Sue just piss herself?
Miyuki: *laughs out loud*
Rory: *chokes on his popcorn*
Kaoru: That is disgusting.

She turned from Sailor Pluto, dashing away her tears.

Miyuki: She's so beautiful, her tears just run away from her face!

Sailor Pluto gazed calmly at the darkness. Seven scouts and a masked man were running toward the trio.

Cassy: Wait, how the hell did they get up here?
Rory: Or traveled to the future... where are we?!
Miyuki: We're on the Moon, man. Remember?
Rory: Oh. Man, my head's seriously hurting.

Her heart beating painfully, Sailor Moon realized why they were here. Tuxedo Mask stepped to the front of the group, his blue eyes furious.

Kaoru: I didn't know that eyes could be angry.

"Let them go."
Eclipse remained silent. The whispering wind created the only sound.

Rory: *burps* Excuse me.

"I said, let them go!"
"You persist in believing that I am deaf and blind.

Cassy: Not the time to attempt your "sarcasm" or put on your asshole face, Sue. Especially since you've shown the entire damn audience that you've been practically deaf to Serena's reasoning until now.

As you can clearly see, I am not holding them.

Kaoru: *reads Miyu's notes* Unless you used that invisible grip to hold them captive. Did you conveniently forget your infinite powers, Mary Sue?
Rory: Man, those brain cells are just dying!
Miyuki: That's plural. I'm sure that Mary Sues do not have more than one working cell.

Your girlfriend and the Guardian are free to leave at any time." Eclipse's words and tone were derisive, but Sailor Moon was close enough to see that the gleam of tears was ever present.

Rory: There! Found the violin again! *drops it on the table, breaks it, sputters*
Cassy: Dude, you have some serious butterfingers.

Eclipse looked at Sailor Moon and smiled tremulously.
"Go on, before I get you into trouble."

Miyuki: You already did that. You tried to kill her, knocked her out for 16 hours, and made her friends worry, you dumbass.

Sailor Moon didn't leave but walked toward Eclipse instead. Eclipse held out her hand, and Sailor Moon took it. Something passed between the two, a deep understanding that not even they fully understood.

Rory: *confused* I don't understand.

"Sailor Solider, you have to go. I have to go. No more death, no more fighting. I will go, and leave you in peace."

Cassy: *as Eclipse* But not before you listen to my awesome translation skills!

Sailor Moon nodded, and Eclipse smiled. The beauty of that smile took Sailor Moon's breath away, because she saw peace and hope for the future in that smile.

Kaoru: ... *gets the mop and bucket*

Sailor Moon returned the smile wholeheartedly. Eclipse dropped her hand, and bowed slightly. She then turned towards Pluto and bowed again. Then Eclipse turned toward her motorcycle.
"Wait!" Mars and Venus cried out in unison.
"Don't you walk away from us!" Uranus cried. "We want some answers, and we want them now! You can't kidnap Sailor Moon and then disappear without an explanation. Don't take another step or I'll…"
"You'll what?" Eclipse taunted. "You want to fight me again? I hurt you pretty badly the last time, didn't I? Are you fully recovered? I hope so. You don't have a ghost of a chance of beating me, and I think you know it. You're weak, Uranus, and you always have been. Couldn't even protect your princess, and I gave you every opportunity to save her. Just admit it, Uranus, you are no match for me!"

Miyuki: *speechless*
Cassy: You just went from zero to nuclear douchebag in two seconds, Sue. It'd be nice if Kyo LeMaire could burn you alive right now, because my sympathy level's now in the negatives.
Rory: Is this like... Kathryn's distant relative or somethin'? Do all those Sues and Stus have to have those sticks up their butts if they get criticized in any way?
Kaoru: *continues to mop* Yes... and yes.

"URANUS WORLD SHAKING!"
Trembling with uncontrollable fury, Uranus released her power, attacking the evil force that threatened her friends. Sailor Eclipse watched the ball of yellow fire approach, seemingly mesmerized by it. Then her face became calm and accepting. Her tears began to flow once more, and she smiled again. Closing her eyes, Sailor Eclipse held out her arms, welcoming the power that would rip her from this existence.

Cassy: *scoffs* Good.

"Sailor Eclipse, MOVE!!!" Pluto screamed. Eclipse opened her eyes, the indigo iris's looking at Pluto.

Miyuki: *sips from her water bottle* Yep.

Eclipse shook her head and returned to watching the fire approach. Sailor Moon watched in horror, and sprang into action. Running toward Eclipse, she leapt into the air. The others watched in dismay as Sailor Moon's body hit Eclipse with full force. Eclipse went flying, but Sailor Moon landed right in the path of the World Shaking attack.

Cassy: Oh, damn it! You just had to be selfless that one time, Sailor Moon!
Kaoru: *reads from Emi's notes as she's placing the mop and bucket away* Yes, this is truly the anime version of Sailor Moon. The manga version... well, Sailor Moon would've found a way to eliminate Eclipse.
Miyuki: Has this Serena been the anime version this whole time?
Kaoru: Yes. Probably due to the forgiveness aspect that her manga self lacks when it comes to her enemies.
Rory: Oh, that's convenient. Make sure that the stupid Sue doesn't die.

"NOOOOO!" Tuxedo Mask screamed, as the World Shaking hit Sailor Moon right in the chest.

Rory: Enjoy those collapsed lungs.

Did you like the song?

Cassy, Rory, Miyuki: *confused*
Rory: Wait, what? Sailor Moon's probably dead, and this Suethor's asking us if we like some dumb ol' song?
Cassy: *sighs* This is Sailor Moon, Rory. She's not dead.
Rory: Yeah, but still!
Cassy: I know, dude.

That's right, Skott and I co-wrote 'The Mind's Mirage' and there's music that goes with it. It's a REAL song! I'm so happy!

Miyuki: I don't care. *pauses* Unless your musical abilities are better than this fic that you wrote.

And YES, I like Sailor Uranus. I'm just picking on her for a while.

Kaoru: Isn't that what Suethors say when they don't like a character...?

('Sweet Dreams' and 'Danger Zone' property of the Urythmics and Kenny Loggins, respectively.)

Rory: And if there's a lawsuit coming from this, I won't be surprised!
Miyuki: Why would they sue a fanfiction writer?
Rory: Ask the Kardashians. I heard that they'll sue you for anything.
Cassy: *shifts eyes* Oh, god, no.

--

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