Mystery Science Theater En Masse

Egg Spiral Crew, Episode 4: Defying Destiny (Part One)

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DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight.

Amy: Is that supposed to be a good thing or a bad thing?
Sonic: It's good, because you're legally siphoning money from gullible teenage girls.
Sonia: Sonic, cut it out.

Thanks to xxRorschachGFxx for the help. You're awesome lol how's the bf?

Sonia: He didn't get me that box of chocolates for Valentine's Day.

DEFYING DESTINY

Manic: Or "Breaking Canon", your call.

CHAPTER 1

The day before...

Sonic: Before what?

I hunched over, feeling the blood begin to drip down my face to collect in a pool at my feet.

Manic: Uh, is she sweating blood or something?
Sonia: Ew.

I choked on the crimson liquid, feeling the coppery taste brand my tongue.

Amy: We've now entered our first stage of purple prose. A rather light... lavender-ish color.

Great, this ruined my make-up.

Sonic: Oh, poor you. Just redo it and shut up.

Spitting out the blood, I double-kicked the two fully-grown men holding out my arms and spun around and kicked the other guy who was punching me. All three of them fell down, unconscious.

Manic: *as Johnny Cage* This is where you fall down.

Heh, they probably need to go to the hospital, I thought with a smirk.

Manic: Dur-hay! You knocked them unconscious, lady!

Flicking my knee-length blue-black hair,

Sonia: Wonderful, another one of these overly long-haired types.

I turned and walked off.

Manic: Actually, she tripped. You can't get away with hair that long, missy.

My name is Serenity Winter. Because my eyes carry the winter- coldness in my heart.

Sonic: And my head carries the sudden numbness in my brain.
Amy: Hey, wait a second! What purpose did that first scene serve?
Sonia: Nothing. Little miss authoress wanted to show off how "strong" her "character" is.

I am sixteen years old. I'm in my last year of high school – I was put forward two years because of my intelligence.

Amy: No, you weren't!

I've been transferred to Forks High School because of it's good reputation.

Sonic: Or because you want to bang Edward.

Reapplying my white foundation, black lipstick and eyeliner in the school parking lot,

Sonia: *as Serenity* I was now set to work the streets again.
Manic: Uh... huh.
Amy: She must be so good that she doesn't need a mirror.

I turned around to see a pale, well-built teenaged guy with coppery –colored hair and the most smouldering golden eyes looking at me.

Manic: You may need to get a blanket to put them eyes out.

Giving him my most inviting smile,

Amy: *as Serenity* You want some, baby?
Sonic: *as Edward, vomits*
Amy: Oh!

I sauntered over to where he was standing and said;

Sonia: *as Serenity* You. Me. Making babies. Now.

"Hi there! I'm Serenity Winters. I'm new here.

Amy: Lies, they are!
Sonic: Okay, Yoda.

D'ya think you could show me around?"

Sonic: *as Edward* No.

I widened my eyes and pouted slightly. He visibly gulped and nodded.

Amy: If you act like a brat, you too can get what you want.
Sonia: Oh, just like Bel--
Amy: Shh!

"My name's Edward Cullen," he said.

He gave me a crooked smile.

Manic: Will the smile teeter and snap like a bridge, too?

"I'll take you to the office," he continued. "You'll get your class timetables there."

Sonia: The first three classes are all Sue love, and the last three are all Bella hatred.

He led the way through a long corridor. It was unnerving 'cos everyone stared at me.

Sonic: Well... yeah, considering that you have the base of Kabuki makeup on your mug...

All the stupid cheerleaders sniffed and turned their stupid backs to me.

Amy: When did the cheerleaders turn into dogs?
Manic: And when were backs stupid?
Sonia: *as Serenity* This back makes sure that I can still walk! It's stupid!

I glared at them and bared my white teeth with their abnormally long incisors.

Sonic: Do you need a filer to shave 'em down or something?
Amy: Maybe she's an overgrown rabbit.

Edward leaned closer to me. Protectively.

Sonia: Hey, hey, hey! No groping, you!

"Forgive me. Guys here haven't seen your kind in awhile," he whispered into my ear.

"My kind? What exactly do you mean by that?" I shouted.

Manic: He means that you're a Sue! Of course they're gonna stare!

He flinched visibly and looked down and slumped his shoulders.

Sonic: Then his shoulders were dislocated and his arms fell to the floor.

"There aren't many pretty girls here. Most of them are so plain compared to..." He let the sentence linger.

All: *rolling their eyes*
Sonia: Of course she's "not like the other girls".

I looked away and blushed, then noticed a thin, fragile-looking girl with big brown eyes, brown, wavy hair and really odd lips looking at me with agony clear in her eyes.

Amy: Of course Bella feels tortured! She's in this fic!
Sonic: Considering who we're talking about, even that's extreme.

"Who is that?" I asked, jerking my head towards the odd girl.

Sonic: *as Serenity* That was before my head fell off when I jerked it again.

"That's Bella. She's my girlfriend," he remarked sheepishly.

I felt my breathing halt and my heart flop.

Sonia: When did her heart turn into a fish?

We walked in silence for awhile until we reached the office and the bell rang.

"I have to go," Edward said while looking through his long lashes at me.

Manic: Whoa, Edward's a lady!
Sonic: No, he isn't. Stop that.

"Okay," I said.

I turned to open the door to the office when his voice stopped me.

Sonic: Wait, he cloned himself into a voice? I don't get this sentence.

"Wait."

"Yeah?" I asked.

"Maybe we have some classes together.

Amy: Who wants to bet that they have Biology together?
Sonia: Ooh, ooh! Me! I'll bet!

You wanna hang out sometime?" he asked, looking away as he said it.

Manic: I thought that this dude was anti-social. What's he doing getting all horny over this Sue?
Sonic: It's that "Die For Our Ship" syndrome kicking in, bro.

"Maybe..." I grinned, flipping my hair and walking into the office.

Sonia: She then walked into the door because she wouldn't stop flipping her hair.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: What do you think? Please give reviews!

Sonia, Manic, Amy: Uh... well...
Sonic: What do we think, huh? Well, we can start with the obvious words... "Mary Sue".
Sonia, Manic, Amy: Yeah...

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight but I wish I did!

Sonic: See? She wants to siphon that money from her fellow gender, too!
Amy: Come on, Sonic.

AN/ Please don't flame, I'm new at this and you don't have to be mean about it!

All: No.
Manic: Correction. We won't flame, but we will critique and riff the hell out of it.

DEFYING DESTINY

CHAPTER 2

Manic: Attack of the Clones.
Sonia: Apparently, considering that Serenity is almost sounding like "Really Emo Bella" here...

I strutted into the office.

Amy: I heard that we can start a drinking game for every time that the word "strutted" is used.
Sonia: We should've started that when she kept flicking and flipping her hair.
Manic: How about every time that some silly purple prose is used?
Sonic: Really? And I'll add thesaurus abuse. Too bad the Egg won't let us get wasted, so we have to opt for some fizzy stuff instead... you know, the kind that Manic spilled over Sonia the other day?
Sonia: *speaking through clenched teeth* Don't remind me, Sonic.

It was small with a nice homely feel to it. Noticing that my combat boots were undone, I leaned forward to tie them up and felt the fan ruffle my hair.

Sonic: Considering how long the hair was, the fan actually caught it. Ouch.

I heard something around the door snap and I swivelled around to see what it was.

Amy: Is "swivelled" even a word? Man, I need to look this up...
Manic: Who cares? Drink!

Nothing was there.

Sonia: Like the plot to this fic.

"Weird." I said out loud and straightened up. I gently rang the bell and was greeted by a plump middle-aged woman with dyed orangey-red hair and those kind of glasses only old ladies would wear.

Manic: Uh... do we drink to that?
Amy: I guess.

We chatted for a bit and she gave me my timetable.

Sonic: Come on, get to the Bella hatred now.

"Its okay to be nervous on your first day, sweetie." She reassured me warmly.

Sonia: I highly doubt she's even nervous...

I gave her a wane smile and left.

Amy: I wish Miyu was here. What the heck does "wane" mean, anyway?
Sonia: Doesn't matter. She used the word incorrectly, anyway!

I went to my new homeroom. Knocking on the door I turned the knob and a wave of warm air hit me.

Manic: It was from a rather well done replica of the sun.

Stepping in the room I noticed Edward sitting at the back of the classroom with Bella.

Sonia: Ooh, boy... disappointment in three.

Swallowing my disappointment

Sonia: Figured.

I handed over my slip to my teacher and introduced myself to the class. Edward gave me a warm smile and called my name and gestured to the one empty seat to his left, which was met with an elbow to the chest by Bella on his right.

Sonic: Wait, so Edward can have a hard-on for a Sue, but he won't let Bella see Jacob in the books?
Amy: Double standards ahoy!
Sonia: No, that's being out of character, Amy.
Amy: Oh.

Her elbow strangely bounced off of his hard, beautiful chest, as if it was made of cement.

Amy: Oops. Looks like Bella needs a new elbow.
Manic: Either that or it was made out of Superballs.
Sonia: Drink!

I walked down to the seat like a bride might walk down the aisle on her wedding day,

Manic: Argh, the purple prose! It burns!
Sonic, Sonia, Amy: Drink!

and hid behind my hair and blushed as I felt all eyes- Edwards and my teachers included- fixed on me and my skinny body.

Manic: *smacks his forehead* Oh, god.
Sonia: Wonderful. She's so "sexy" that everybody has to stop and stare at her. I never knew that it was possible to out-Sue the resident Mary Sue.
Amy: If she has giant breasts, I will hit myself with my hammer.
Sonic: Sure you want to do that? You do hit hard.

I continued to walk down to the desk when a boy with bright blonde hair all gelled up in a tousled mess that faintly resembled that of Edwards gorgeous silken locks

Sonic: Would you just say "a blond-haired boy"?!
Sonia, Manic, Amy: Drink!

jumped up from his seat and pulled out my chair for me to sit on and winked at me. Edward glared at him and growled low and it sounded really hot which scared the kid and made Bella give him a pleading look.

Manic: *smacks head*
Sonia: Yes, you too can derail the hell out of canon characters in one easy step!

"Why didn't you do that for me?" Demanded a short girl with a mature figure and big brown hair. She glared at the boy and me with obvious contempt.

Amy: He didn't do that for you because you're not a Mary Sue. Care to try another question?

"I was just making her feel at home, Jess." He replied in a whiny voice.

Sonic: *in a whiny voice* I just wanted to get in her pants, Jess.

"Urgh!" She huffed and stormed off.

Sonia: Hell, I'd do the same thing, girl.
Amy: Mm-hmm.

"Haha, you got owned Mike!" Laughed a black guy with a buzz cut (AN/'Cos he's African-American in the movie, right?)

Amy: You're the writer! Stop making us play guessing games!

"Shut up Tyler!" Mike shouted back and sat down at his desk.

I sighed and checked my make-up in my checkered mirror. My eyes were an unusual shade of bright, vibrant forest green which stood out more because of my almond eye-shape and sat underneath feathery but straight eyebrows which had a strange arch to them

Sonic: This just in: Nobody cares.

(AN/ Kinda like Kristen Stewart but better lol she's not that pretty!)

Sonia: She's not pretty because she plays Bella. Am I right, darling?
Manic: I smell jealousy and pettiness...

I had my midnight blue-black hair loose today and I brushed it until it shone against my translucent white skin, falling like a silken river to the back of my knees.

Manic: Damn, I almost passed out after reading that!
Sonia: Looks like another drink!
Amy: Wait, once or twice?
Sonic: Just once. Siblings and I riffed in the middle of the paragraph.
Amy: Oh. Personally, I'd drink twice.

Feeling the stares of every guy's eyes on me (including the teacher and Edward!) I stood up, flicked my hair,

All: Drink!

and strode out the door with a smirk as the bell went and into a crowd of people circled around some people fighting!

Amy: The bell went into a crowd of people? Huh?
Sonic: Hell, I don't get that sentence, either.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own twilight (but Edward is my Hubby~3)

Sonic: *twirls a pointer finger near his right ear*

Oh, and would you all please stop flamming?

Amy: Hey, we're not flaming, we're riffing. Thank you very much!

This is actually really hard, so just shut up!

Sonia: Then... why did you publish it on the Internet? It's going to get criticism when you put it on the Internet.

DEFYING DESTINY

CHAPTER 3

Manic: Revenge of the Sue.
Sonia: Cut it out, Manic.

I bumped into some guy's back and pushed away angrily.

Amy: Just because you bumped into him doesn't give you the right to act like a jerk! You weren't looking!

"Watch it!" I yelled and pushed and shoved my through the crowd to the centre where all the action was.

Sonia: God forbid that you just can't say, "Excuse me."

I saw a tough looking girl with short hair, delicate features and the most unusual combination of one green eye and one purple eye?

Sonic: How's that a question if you saw it?

(AN/That's for you, XXRorscachGFXX)

All: Thanks for the spoiler!

She was wearing a leather jacket, baggy black pants with lots of safety pins and stitches it and heavy black boots. She was being held back by a goth girl with long wavy dyed-black hair down to her waist with electric blue streaks, a short black corset crop-top that showed off her smooth, flat white stomach and huge chest, a tiny leather mini-skirt with chains through it and knee-high high-heeled combat boots with white laces.

Sonic: *snores*
Amy: *sighs, nudges Sonic* Maybe we should drink every time Sonic passes out, too.
Manic: Uh... do we also have to take a drink every time a long description is used down to the last place of hair?
Sonia: Might as well. I guess we can start with that above paragraph, then.
Amy: Jeez, if that's gothic, I wonder what Cassy would say...
Sonic: She'd say that it's all "goffik".

The girl with the unusual eyes was snarling at a medium height, skinny guy with dark red shoulder-length hair and a red tie with a white shirt with his sleeves rolled up to his elbows, black baggy pants and black skater shoes.

All: Drink!

"Rafael!" the girl with the wavy hair shrieked.

The guy with the red hair only smirked.

Manic: The green hedgehog only scratched his head.
Sonic: The blue hedgehog smacked his forehead.

"You asshole!" The mismatched-eyed girl's voice was surprisingly husky and deep.

Amy: Is Jessie a guest star in this fic?
Sonia: Is this fic entertaining?
Amy: Um... no?
Sonia: There's your answer.

"You asked for it." His voice was low and silken, the opposite of the mismatched-eyed girl's husky shouts.

Manic: Uh, opposites attract?
Sonia: Ooh, baby?

With some dirty sex-related words and a deafening roar, the mismatched-eyed girl broke free and hurled herself at Rafael (AN/Not like that! They're just fighting!)

All: Duh!

"Fight! Fight! Fight!" Chanted the students.

Dropping my bag, the wavy-haired girl and I wrestled the pair away from each other-

Sonia: Yes, and she must get involved in everything. She's that special.

Her taking the girl and me taking Rafael- and he turned, about to punch me when a chalk-white hand gripped his wrist.

Sonic: "Chalk-white"? Hey, let's dip the hand in water and see if it absorbs it in a week!

"Don't. You. Touch her!"

Manic: This. Is. Sparta!
Amy: Overused joke, Manic.

the voice was dark and threatening, and oddly familiar.

All: *flatly* Edward.

Everyone went silent, and I turned around and gazed up into none other than the beautiful faced that belonged to Edward Cullen.

Sonia: Um, are you looking at the same face that could be mistaken for a Picasso painting?
Manic: Yes.

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Continue to Part Two
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