Mystery Science Theater En Masse

Egg Spiral Crew, Episode 4: Defying Destiny (Part Three)

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DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight.

Manic: We should've chugged for every obvious disclaimer.

AN: Thanks to all the nice people out there who DON'T FLAME!

Amy: Praise her!
Sonic: Is it wrong for me to play the sound of a baby crying?
Sonia: Nope.

All you flamers should TAKE A HINT!

Sonic: And you need some ointment for that butthurt, ma'am. We're even once again.

DEFYING DESTINY

CHAPTER 7

We were completely silent for quite a while. It gave me enough time to think clearly.

Sonia: Well, that thinking part's a first.

So what if Edward was a vampire? I was a freak for goodness sake!

Manic: At least she didn't forget her overgrown rabbit teeth.

He gave me a sad smile.

Sonic: Is that possible?

"I guess this is goodbye then,"

Amy: "Goodbye" is for those who will never see each other again. More like "See you later".

I shook my head rapidly, pandemonium clouding my vision.

Sonic: Is Serenity having a seizure there?

"Leave? Don't. Please. You're the only sane person here."

Manic: *singing* Don't leave...! Don't leave me, girl...
Sonic: Serenity, you hypocrite.

"Sane? SANE? I'm a monster, Ser!"

Sonia: *in a British accent* Good day, Ser.

He roared and

Manic: ...rain fell down, extinguishing the flames of Pride Rock... wait, wrong story.

I cowered in my seat, pulling my knees up to make myself smaller

Amy: Commence bug squashing! My boots have been reinforced!
Sonic: Hey, Serenity stole my gimmick!

"I could kill you so easily!"

Sonia: Do it!

He grabbed a crow bar from the back of the car and bent and molded it like putty until it resembled a smooth sphere... before crushing it into fine dust.

Sonic: Edward Cullen: Kiln.
Manic: I'd like to know why he has a crowbar there. Who's he trying to rob if he's so loaded?
Sonic: Go ask Bernie Madoff that same question, bro.

"Don't you get it? If you stay, I will kill you. And that is a promise,"

Amy: *as Serenity* Who cares? You're hot!

He settled back down into his seat and covered his eyes with his hand.

Sonic: Driving blindfolded now, Mister Cullen?
Sonia: No, he's facepalming because he's in this fic.

Edward's jaw was clenched,

Manic: ...and his teeth shattered from the pressure. Now he needs to see a dentist!

and as I leaned over hesitantly to hold him, I saw pure anguish in his golden eyes.

All: Double drink!

No human could hold him. No human could care for him. No human loved him...

Amy: ...and no human could read this.
Manic: Yeah, that's why four hedgehogs are riffin' it.

We just stayed like that for a while.

Sonic: Like what? Boring?

Edwards frame shook every once in a while,

Sonia: Earthquake!

and I soon realized that they were tearless sobs.

Manic: Tearless... sobs? Somebody's suffering from some serious dehydration there.

Oh, he was in so much pain.

All: So were we.

I felt his icy-cold hand reach up to cover my hand.

Sonic: *as Serenity* Now, can you move that up to my ch--
Sonia, Manic, Amy: Sonic!
Sonic: I was going to say "chair"! What the heck were you guys thinking?

"Thank you," He said and straightened up while I sat back in my seat and buckled my seat belt.

Sonic: Yee-ha! It's time for some whitebread reckless driving!
Sonia: You mean Nascar?
Sonic: You really call Nascar that?
Sonia: No. But you said it.

"Could we stay out a while? My parents—"

Manic: She better not say that they're abusive.

No, I thought. Don't let him know anything. Don't let him know that the black bruise on my shoulder wasn't and accident. Or that I couldn't wear revealing clothes incase he see's the ugly bruises, the lash marks, the scars...

Manic: God... damn... it.
Amy: You've got to be kidding me. So this is the usual "Sue is a jerk because of her tragic past" nonsense.
Sonic: Remember, Serenity! It's down the road, not across the street!

Edward nodded.

"So, what do you know about Pandora, Akasha and Rafael?" I asked quickly so he wouldn't ask any questions.

"It's a long story,"

Sonia: Period.

"I have time,"

Sonic, Manic, Amy: We don't.
Sonia: Period!

"Well, I have only been here for 2 years, so I wouldn't know that much. But apparently Rafael and Akasha have a bit too much tension. Too bad they're both too prideful to admit anything," He grinned and chuckled lightly.

Sonic: There's nothing that can't be solved with what you people refer to as "angry sex".

"Rafael used to be called Eric. That, of course, was up until he and his best friend were in an accident. His best friend died, and he's been blaming himself since. Dyed his hair to his friend's hair color and changed his name to his friend's name, Rafael. Says it's to keep his memory alive, but it just doesn't seem right to be trying to live out both their lives," Edwards shook his head sadly.

Amy: Um, sane people call that "creepy identity theft".

(AN: I tried to include more of the real characters)

All: No, you didn't!

"And Pandora and Akasha?"

"Pandora used to be called Emily. She was athletic, tanned, A++ student.

Manic: Man, that school's got one huge grading curve.

The perfect student, so to say. Until one day she too changed. No one know what happened,"

"Except for you?" I questioned wearily.

Edward nodded grimly. "Except for me."

Sonic: Bears did it.

He glanced off into the distance, avoiding my confused gaze.

"She was raped. By the science teacher, Roger Pratt."

Manic: Creepy cousin of Spencer.

I whimpered loudly and his eyes snapped to my pale face.

All: Ouch!

"Don't tell me...?"

Amy: Oh, no! No, no, no... that doesn't make any sense!
Sonia: What?
Amy: That implies that he raped Serenity! And how did she manage to be so calm about the other guy that tried to rape her?
Sonic: Inconsistency... it's what's for dinner, Ames.

I looked out the windows as memories flashed before my green eyes.

Manic: Is she dying?
Sonic: Oh, well.

Edward was probably disgusted with me. Justified.

Sonia: Your existence is enough to warrant my justified disgust.

I used to work at a bad place. A very bad place. And if I didn't make enough money, or if I refused a customer, my father... I shuddered violently. My father was a very creative man.

Sonic: Did he learn torture techniques from the Middle Ages?

I hadn't cried in many years, so I was horrified when I felt warm tears cascade down my cheeks.

Amy: Feelings! You're weak if you have feelings!

I bit my lip hard enough to draw blood and reached over to grasp the handle to the car door. But Edward was faster. In a flash he grabbed my shoulder and cupped my cheek with his other hand. I looked at him with pure astonishment. Pure sadness was etched onto his angelic face. Slowly, he leaned forward and our lips brushed briefly, leaving a very tingly while my heart did flip-flops. He leaned back to look at me.

Manic: Drink?
Sonic: Forget that, I'm chugging!

"So what do you want to do?"

Sonia: End this fic.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight.

All: Chug! Chug! Chug!

AN: WHY ARE YOU GUYS SO MEAN?

Amy: Because we hate your writing and your Mary Sue.

I'M TRYING MY BEST TO WRITE BUT YOU'RE ALL JUST FLAMING AND IT REALLY ISN'T NICE! WOULD JUST PLEASE STOP?

Sonic: No. And again, it's not flaming, it's riffing.

Thanks to all the NICE reviewers out there. This chapters for you!

Manic: And you're delusional, man!
Sonic: Then she shouldn't read our riffs... because it's not nice.
Amy: She's never going to make it in a publishing company...
Sonia: Well, unless her name happened to be Laurell K. Hamilton, Stephenie Meyer, or maybe the latter's brother.

DEFYING DESTINY

CHAPTER 7

Manic: Chapter Seven 2: Electric Boogaloo.

I thought about it for a second before saying "How about a movie?"

Sonic: And don't pick one with Adam Sandler in it!

And off we went. We decided on an action film because it wouldn't make Edward too hungry and it wouldn't bore me to tears.

Manic: Unfortunately, you've been boring us to tears for seven chapters already.

We held hands while watching the fighting parts

Amy: Serenity, stop contradicting yourself.

and Edward gave me intense unreadable looks during the romance scenes.

Sonia: Do we have to Google those looks, too?

After the movie I went to the bathroom to check my make up but on the way I walked into the the tall native American guy I had seen earlier. His stare bore into me, his black eyes were molten, like black coffee and I nearly lost myself in them...

All: Drink!

He stepped forward and I realized how tall he was. I'm 5'10 but I was only in level with his mouth.

Manic: Now headbutt his teeth!

"I must thank you in a way," he began. His voice was husky and deep, the complete opposite to Edward's silken murmers.

All: Huh?

"Why?"
"Because your interference broke Bella up with that leech,"

Amy: Well, they're both leeches, so...

His faced twisted on the last word

Manic: Uh... drink?
Sonic, Sonia, Amy: Uh... yeah!

and I stepped back as if I had been slapped.

Sonic: That's because someone from the reading audience did slap you. It was probably Sonia.

"But...." He continued. "I can see why. I thought dating Bella would be paradise..."

"But it wasn't, was it?"

He shook his head.

Sonia: *rolls her eyes* Someone's really aiming to hate Bella until their dying day, huh?
Amy: But... it's still the first day! Jacob and Bella would have been together for only a few hours!
Manic: Hey, stop worrying about it. We just need that sudden pregnant Serenity to complete the puzzle. And considering how fast time's going here... I'd say we should put her in the third month of her "pregnancy".

"I can see why he went for you, though. Damn leech always gets what he wants."

Sonic: Just like a politician!
Amy: Sonic!

His eyes melted again which belittled his bitter words.

All: Drink!

"My names Jacob. Maybe we could hang out sometime." He leaned his hand out to shake.

Manic: *gasps* But what would Bella say? She must be an even more clingy brat than usual, right?

"Where are my manners.

Amy: They were abandoned in an alleyway and left for dead.

Call me Serenity. Ser for short." I gave him a sweet smile. I glanced over his shoulder and saw his ride.

Sonia: *as Serenity* A horse and buggy? What is this silliness?

"A 1986 red Volkswagen Rabbit?" I gasped and ran over to examine it.

Sonic: Wait, that car's made of cardboard! Don't fall for it!

"You know, I'm not familiar with this engine."

Manic: Or the plot to this fic.

I leaned over the hood of the car and heard Jacob shakily cough.

All: Drink!

I looked up at him and her turned his face away from me. Was he blushing...?

Amy: *rubs head* Oh, for heaven's sake! Don't tell me he's having the hots for the Sue, too!

"So you like cars?" His question snapped me back to reality.

Sonic: What reality? I'm still in a Sue fantasy here!

"Yeah. My grandfather taught me everything I know."

Sonia: I guess he never taught her common sense.

We talked for a bit until Jacob's head snap up

All: Ouch!

and I felt a familiar pretense behind me.

Sonia: Now you're just pulling words out of your ass.

"What're you doing here, parasite!" Demanded Jacob.

Manic: "Parasite"? Come on, he's at least a partial Gary Stu! Try to elaborate a little, dude!

"Quit complaining, dog. Go and do something only your kind would do and lick your asshole," Edward calmly replied.

Amy: *laughing* That has got to be the funniest terrible insult that I have ever read!

Jacob snarled frightfully in his rage and began to shake then crouched like he was an animal about to pounce on its pray.

Manic: Drink!
Sonic: And pray that this fic can't get any more ridiculous!

"Guys, cool it!" I stepped between the two and put my hands on their chests as if I could push them apart.

Sonic: *as a boxing announcer* Good evening-ing-ing... Your referee for tonight's boxing match is Mary Sue-sue-sue...

Jacob growled and backed off, getting into his car and burnt rubber.

Sonia: Wait, so his car has burned rubber in it? That can't be a pleasant scent.

I let out a sigh and dusted off my clothes before turning back to Edward and raising my eyebrow.

"What was that about?"

He sighed and looked off into the distance.

Manic: *as Edward* Hey, we're out of background looking distance here!

"He's a werewolf. They're the enemies of my kind," He whispered.

"That and he was going out with Bella," I added without thinking.

Amy: *scoffs* Yeah, right! You only said that because you're a spiteful bit--
Sonic, Sonia, Manic: Chill, Amy!

He made a choking sound and whipped his head to face me.

Sonic: *makes a cracking sound*
Manic: Sick, man.

"WHAT?" His voice was strangled.

Sonic: How do you strangle a voice?

"The first couple of hours after you broke up she got together with Jacob."

All: Tattletale!

Edward roared "How dare she? That slut!"

Amy: And how dare you hook up with a Mary Sue! Hypocrite!
Sonic: Besides, you're not together. What gives you the right to say who she can or can't see, you creepy jerk?

I resisted the urge to remind him that they broke up because he liked me.

Sonia: I also resisted the urge to remind Serenity that I was set to beat the crap out of her for that.

After his fit he sighed and turned to me.

"I'll take you home."

Manic: Whoa, that was the quickest fit I've ever seen!

EDIT: Fixed the bold and italics thing. Thank you for pointing that out

Sonia: Period.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight.

All: *sighs* Chug...

AN: THE WRITING WAS A MISTAKE SO JUST SHUT UP!

Manic: I knew it!
Amy: The biggest mistake? Showing this to the world and having a giant temper tantrum when people didn't like it.

I AM SO SICK OF YOU HORRIBLE PEOPLE!

Sonia: Uh-oh! Criticism is horrible, guys!

YOU CAN ALL GO TO HELL!

Sonic: We're already there, because we're sitll reading this thing!

This chapter is for SexyEdwardLover (thanks for always being there) and Kr8tiveGirl for the nice review.

All: Whatever.

DEFYING DESTINY

CHAPTER 9

I felt the blood drain from my face and my frame shake.

Manic: Is that another seizure?
Sonic: Cripes, lady! Go see a doctor or something, huh?

My breathing went awry but Edward was too busy to notice.

Sonia: How nice of you to care, Eddie. Great job.

I tried to talk but all that came out was a squek.

Amy: Squick? Well, that's how I feel.

I cleared my throat, licked my lips and tried to distract him.

All: He's driving, you idiot!
Sonic: On second thought... do it.

"So, vampire, huh? Any other thing I should know?"

Manic: *as Edward* Yes. I'm a dancer for Chippendales.

His breathing hitched and his features went hard.

Sonia: Hope it's not that feature...
Amy: Eww.

"Nothing whatsoever. "

I frowned "But."

"No. Not right now."

We drove to my house in slience and I grew suspicious. How did he know my address...?

Sonic: He's a stalker, you fool!

I was about to ask when Edward's head snapped up with a shocked expression on his face before my door was wrenched open and I felt my fathers hand grab me.

Amy: What a beautiful run-on sentence.
Sonia: I didn't know that you can injure a door.
Manic: Thanks for killing what little suspense we had left, lady.

"You fucking bitch! Staying up late with a boy? Whore!"

Sonic: Well, that was random. Lunch, anyone?

He grabbed my arm and threw me across the lawn with super human strength.

Manic: Complete with wires for that movie-like flying effect!

I felt several bones snap as I hit my head against a tree and everything went black.

Sonia: And the black merged with various colors to complete an LSD feeling.
Amy: Um, guys? Shouldn't she be dead right about now?
Sonic: The. Logic. Is. Dead. Let your brain turn into mush, Amy.

I awoke later I the back of Edward's car.

Manic: No, we don't need an ambulance. Thanks!

I quickly sat up and a wave of nausea hit me, forcing me back to lying down.

Sonic: That's gonna suck if the car's moving...

"Don't overdo yourself. You've broken several ribs, your arm and you could have a concussion." He said. It explained the throbbing at the back of my skull.

Sonia: Would you call a freaking ambulance so she can go to the hospital already?!

"Wh.... Where are we going?"

Sonic: If the answer's anything but the word "hospital", I'm going to beat them with a tire iron.

My voice drawled.

Sonia: Ooh, almost!

It didn't sound like me.

Amy: What, angsty past-like or something?

"To my house. My father is the head doctor at Forks hospital." He replied looking at me and ignoring the road (Another vampire thing I assumed) his features softened.

Sonic: Tire iron, please.
Manic: I guess there are no cops in Forks.
Sonia: Common sense is dead.

"I will never let him hurt you again." He gently told me.

Amy: Well, that's a huge day of events, huh?

I bit my lip as another wave came.

Manic: Another wave of what?

Everything felt so surreal.

Sonia: And so stupid.

I wanted to sleep. Sleep would be good. My eyelids felt so heavy....

Amy: *as Bela Lugosi* Sleep!

"NO!" Edward's voice caused my eyes to snap open. "Serenity, don't!"

Sonic: Eh, do it. We really won't care.

"Why...?" My voice drawled.

Sonia: Almost...

I closed my eyes again and as the darkness began to pull me under

Manic: *as Serenity* Hands and all...

I felt his cold hands on my face, cooling my fevered skin.

Amy: That's got to be worse than ice water.

"Open your eyes." He whispered.

I opened my eyes and looked into is melted eyes, his face paler than usual.

Sonic: So, he has no eyes in the sockets, and he has a paler face than usual? Yep, he's really dead.

"You really must have it bad.."

Amy: *as Serenity* Oh, yes! Cool my fever down with those icy hands, baby!
Sonic: Uh... uh... god, no.

I felt the sting of tears threaten to flow.

Sonia: Purple prose!
Sonic, Manic, Amy: Drink!

"Yeah, it's nothing I can't handle." I shrugged.

Manic: Yep, there's nothing that a little "Grrrl Powah!" can't fix!

He shook his head. "No one should have to deal with this."

Sonic: Not even angsty past Sues.

He closed his eyes, hardened his features and gave me a sad smile.

Amy: How can a smile be sad?
Sonia: I'm more concerned on how features can be softened and hardened.

AN: I actually deleted a whole scene. I'll put that up separately later.

Manic: So... why couldn't you put it up then? Save the time?
Sonic: *gets up* Why are you looking for logic, bro?
Manic: Eh, it wouldn't hurt to ask.
Amy: Wait... hold on, Sonic. She put it up now.
Sonic: *sits back down* Ah, dang it.

DEFYING DESTINY

CHAPTER 9 – CONTINUED

Manic: It continues to drive us crazy!

We were parked outside a field in the less populated part of Forks. I opened the door to let the air in and felt a wonderful emotion engulf me.

Sonic: My wonderful emotion was killed when the words "The End" slipped from my grasp.

Freedom. Happiness.

Sonia: Sentence fragments.

I sighed and gazed outside wistfully when I felt a pair of strong arms lift and hold me gently against a marble chest,

Manic: Was anyone picturing a marble treasure chest here?
Sonic: Not really. But hey, whatever you imagine's almost okay with me.

cradelling me as if I was a child.

Amy: Well, you certainly act like one.

Then, we were in the middle of the field, beneath the trees.

"You know, I've always wanted to fly away," I smiled up at Edward.

Manic: Then get on a plane!

He blinked. "I guess you should."

He slowly began to spin around gracefully as I tilted my head back and closed my eyes. My unhurt arm lifted as if to catch the moon and I was washed in it's white light.

All: Drink!
Sonic: And it's official! Hospitals do not exist in Forks, thank you very much!

"You look like an angel," He whispered.

Sonia: Really? I was thinking that she looked like a chewed up sack of Sue meat.
Manic: Ooh, burn, sis!

"Yeah, an angel caught in hell," I thought glumly as he halted.

Amy: Wangst is now sold in a ten pack! Order yours today!

Then the most amazing thing happened.

Sonic: He dropped you.
Sonia: *snickers* No.

The full moon's light was freed from the clounds and shone down on us, fireflies erupted around us, stars sparkled in the heavens and it was so beautiful.

Amy: And this sentence was so dull!
Sonia: Jeez, if I wanted to read "Twilight", I'd freaking read "Twilight"!

Edward's gaze made me look up at him and he gave me a crooked grin.

Manic: *flatly* Snap.

"Dance with me," And set me down on my feet. Carefully so it didn't hurt, my vampire held me and lead me in a waltz.

Amy: And where's the instrumental music coming from? Your tush?

I had never felt so happy, so free, so pure.

Sonic: So... sleepy.

I threw my head back and laughed as we danced to the sounds of the night, without a care in the world.

Sonia: I guess she'll start caring when those bones heal incorrectly and she starts walking like Quasimodo.
Manic: Eh, one can only hope.

--

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