Mystery Science Theater En Masse

Black Crow Crew, Episode 1: Da Princess in da gle club (Part Two)

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Warning: You've reached Part Two of this riffing. There's only some minor poor lemon scenes, but proceed with caution, anyway.

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Chapter 4

omg will evrun stup falming me! and troling me ur NOT FANNY! ok?

Kyo: Okay, my name's not Fanny. Happy now?

if u dont stop flamming me i will CUT MYSELF.

Cassy: That is the saddest attempt of bribery I've ever seen.

and im nut emo, so thats very ooc for ME! (lol geddit cuz u say i make everyun oooc. lol)

Jessie: Ah, ha, ha, ha... get out.
Miyu: Order Out Of Chaos? Huh?

i dont think my story is funny,

Cassy: Neither did we. I mean, we were too busy trying to comprehend the fact that it had almost 600 reviews when it was on the Pit.

but to da peple whu sed it was, u have sick twistd humurs if u think childbuse is funy.

Miyu: I don't think that they're laughing at the abuse... they're laughing at how poorly written it is.

mak a drinkin gam,

Kyo: Sure. I'd rather read this junk when I'm wasted off of my ass, anyway.

i like to drink.

All: Nobody cares.

also, GLITRATI, my story DOES have a plot

Cassy: Finding the plot is the equivalent of looking at an atom with the naked eye.
Jessie: Oh, like Twi--
Cassy: Sh-h-ut up!

so its NUT like chep porn.

Kyo: Oh, this quip's too easy.

how is it sick?

Jessie: Because your Mary Sue probably has STD's up the butt and then some by not using proper protection?

and i dont descibe evrythin like a frut, only sum tings.

Cassy: No comment.

i sed her boobs were liike basketballls and lunch NOT frut so stfu ok!

Kyo: Okay, I shall now write "her giant melons". There, I said it like it's a fruit. And now I need a shower with Lysol.

GO DEI FLAMMERS!

Miyu: Is that a sports team?

if u keep flammig, i will make u die in my story. do u want dat? no! ok!

Jessie: Sure. As long as we don't have to read any more of it.

CHAPTA 4(i think... lol i forget)-REVENGE

Cassy: You think?! Oh, for -- gah!

I had neva got revenge on ANYONE before. This waz a new expreience.

Kyo: *as Princess* Just a little something to try before I go to jail for life.

But I needed to get revenge on Rachel Berry. I began planing, studied, cleant my room, sucked Fin's dick, had a shower, got my diner and wnet to bed.

Jessie: *singing* One of these things is not like the others...
Miyu: The studying part?
Cassy: The eating part?
Kyo: The showering part?

And wen I was in my bed, I plotted. How cud I get revenge on dat bitch?

Miyu: By strapping her to a chair and forcing her to watch the American version of "One Missed Call" fifteen times.

I needed to do sumthin good. Sumthin exiting. Sumthin...sexy. That was it! I needed to get revenge on Rachel by havin sex with her. It was such a gud idea, and I wetn to bed haply.

Cassy: Guys... I want fifty bucks from all of you.
Kyo: But... doesn't the sex have to occur for you to collect your winnings?
Cassy: It'll probably happen, anyway.
Kyo: If it does, I'll puke.
Jessie: Ditto.
Kyo, Miyu, Cassy: *stares at Jessie*
Jessie: Stop looking at me.

Later next day, I went to school. OMG!

Kyo, Miyu, Jessie: OMG!
Cassy: LOL!

I strated screamin. I cudn't beleve wat i was seeing right in front of my eyes.

Miyu: *adjusts glasses* The end of this atrocious fanfiction?

Da Jones Brothas. They were in the Gle Club! omg!

All: OMG!
Jessie: I guess they couldn't book the Jonas Brothers, so they settled for cheap knockoffs instead.
Miyu: Maybe Jay Leno found them during one of his 99 cent shopping sprees.

I didnt now what to do.

Kyo: *as Princess* So I pissed myself, marking my territory.
Miyu: Ew, Kyo...

I luv the Jones, soooooo much.

Cassy: So do millions of teenage girls.

I want to screw them all soooo badly.

Cassy: And so do millions of teenage girls.

But I was too shy. also i had a bf already. (AN-i luv clay more then then motherfuckers tho. luv u baby!)

Miyu: *sputters* What?!
Jessie: Our faithful love interest with the basketball sized knockers, ladies and gentlemen!

They were all lookin so nice and hawt. And then I saw da 3 bitches,

Kyo: Be specific, please.

Rahcle, Santa and Britny were all beside them all, kissing them.

Kyo: Oh, those three "bitches".

The Jonas brothes were in luv w/ them! omg!

Kyo, Jessie, Cassy: OMG!
Miyu: No, I'm pretty sure that's lust.

So I began to screm and cry. I had a BIG tantum.

Cassy: Possibly fifteen going on two, perhaps?

i kicked my Legs, nd I scremmed and i wvaed my armsround in the sky angrly.

Kyo: *flails* They took my bike!

"AAAAAHHHH," i dinferd.

Jessie: What in the flying hell does "dinferd" mean?

The Jones luked at me. I saw there faces in chang.

All: Huh?

They wer in luv with me now. They cam over, and kissed me.

Kyo: You have got to be kidding me.

"We luv u Rubina," they sed.

Miyu: Who's Rubina?
Cassy: Princess's whiny evil twin, perhaps?

I was sooooo happpy! I induced them to Pick.

Miyu: So, she created these guys? What the heck is going on?

"Dis is my frends the Jones Brothas."

Jessie: *as Princess* I've purchased them for 99 cents!

He is not gay but he fell in luv with the Joens.

Kyo: So the Jonas and Jones Brothers are straight, and the Joens Brothers are gay?
Miyu: And Puck is now bisexual?
Cassy: There's no such things as bisexuals, Miyu.
Jessie: Pardon?
Cassy: I meant in Badfic Land, Jessie.
Jessie: Oh.

We had a threesome, all 4 of us. It mad up for my tragic past.

Jessie, Cassy: *flatly* What.
Miyu: Isn't this supposed to be a five person hoedown?
Kyo: Guess that's one heavy emphasis on the "hoe" part.
Miyu: Kyo, no. Stop that.

We all fuked all nite long and till da morning was over.

Kyo: I don't think erections are supposed to last that long...

Den I went into school to get my revenge on Rachel.

Cassy: So... she went into a school within a school?
Miyu: Huh. I could've sworn that it was a "skull".

Chapter 5 flammers die!

stup falming me1! u wud care if i cut myself

Cassy: Actually, we wouldn't. Sorry.

so if i get one more bad revew, u will all b 2 blam for me cuting myself! ok?

Kyo: Yeah, good luck finding them all through the interbutts.

also, i hope u falmers recnize urselfs in dis chapta,

Jessie: Flamers better recognize!
Kyo: Jess...
Jessie: Sorry.

u will all DIE in it! hahahahha happy know?

All: Um... yes?

my frend tracy CAN erect stries probably so stfu! ok?

Miyu: Erect stories? *blushes* Oh, my...
Cassy: No, she said "probably". Guess the fic may need some Cialis or something.
Kyo: Tch, this stuff overdosed on that and Viagra.

also, i mad a mistake wen i sed 4 people were in da 3sum, dare waz achilly 5, so ur all RETARDS.

Jessie: Yet you had to have people tell you that there were five horny rascals.

hahaha ur asshole and i hat u so much.

All: HAHAHAHA LOLOLOL.

tank u to anyone hu is enjoing my story. ily guyz.

Jessie: You're welcome. We enjoy sporking it.

CHAPTA 5-THE TRAGIC DEATHS(not really, every1's happy wen they die cuz theyre flammer!)

Kyo: I'm not happy because you haven't stopped writing.

I went to go get revenge on Rachel, but I got distracted.

Cassy: Must've been Puck's vegetables growing again.
Miyu: Gah!

Rachel had a match, and she waz wavin it around and around da room like crazy.

Miyu: Wouldn't the match's flame dissipate quickly?
Jessie: You must've forgotten that there's no logic in badfic...

"Luk at me I play with fire!" she shitted, excited.

Cassy: She shits words? Ouch.
Kyo: This is rather insulting to pyrokinetics.
Cassy: And pyromaniacs like you.
Kyo: Shut up, Goth Kitty.

I began to screm. "Stop Rachel,, dat's very dangerous!" but she didnt care cuz shes a bitch.

Jessie: *woodenly *Oh. I didn't know you cared.

She dropped the match on the ground. The room set on fire.

Miyu: Was the room given a light coating of gasoline before this happened?

I scremed. "nooo im going 2 die!" i sed and made dis face: =O cuz i was shocked.

All: *gasps* OMG!

but Then Rachel felt bad. She didnt want to kil me becuz I'm Kurt's twin sister and his best friend

Cassy: Funny, I never saw her plan to kill you in this jumble of words and letters here...

and becuz Pick, Fin and Da Shoe wud be hartbroken if I died, and she luvs all them.

Kyo: *as Kuzco* A perfect world begins and ends with... me!

So she grabbed me tightly, and ran down the stairs with me in her arms.

Jessie: I feel so safe in your arms...

She wasn't going to let me die. She was detrimed not to anyway.

Kyo: Really? I would've let you fry.

We escaped.

All: Damn.

Sadly, sum people died painfully. Their names were in da newspaper.

Miyu: Bah, nobody reads the paper anymore. Full of tiny letters and correctly spelled words...

DEAD FIRE PEPEL:

-pucky puck and finny D

-Lo

-Gaga

-Cathaign

-K. Karofsky

-oh dear lord

-um

-mindfuck

-Gracie

-Jessie

Kyo: Oh? Looks like she killed you, Jessie.
Jessie: Guess I can continue to snark with you guys from beyond the grave, then.

-Abbie

-keileighque

-Someone going blind from this

All: We all are.

-Kurt Hummel

-3OH3 Rules

-MileyLuver203

-Baby Bop

-I luv GLEE

-finn hudson

-Anon

-lol very funny

-Glitterati

-navigatethismaze

-Magenta Vitus

-Abby

-Clockwork-Ceni

-kurty hummel 3

-Kurt Hudson

-MemorialFantasy

-kurty hummel 3

-Drama Mama

-Wtf

-EstoyCantandoEnLaLluvia

-RandomPersonwholikespie

-Shut Up

-christi roads

-An educated reviewer

-Troll in the dungeon

-Magenta Vitus

-kay

-HAHAHAHHAA

Miyu: Why the heck was this chapter made?
Cassy: To have a break from riffing, maybe?

-ALSO-

Kim and Why and I haven't stopped laughing and MY GOD and RottenPizzaFace and GriffinTalon and Finn Hudson aka Sexiness survived but got injurd. (cuz i dont no if they were being nice or mean to me)

Jessie: Must've been those reading comprehension problems.

Jg and MajicMoo survived.

All: Yay?

Damn u Suck died the most painfullist.

Kyo: It's probably because you do suck.

ANYWAY.

no one waz sad aboutt the dead peopele, the were al VERY HAPPY. there waz a party and evrythin.

Jessie: Jeez, murderers have bigger hearts than those people in that badfic.

and stupid bitch santana got her face badly damagd cuz she got to hav sex with Fin.

Cassy: Apparently, "Glee" is now crossing over with "The Secret Life of the American Teenager".

Chapter 6 da figt

Jessie: So this chapter's about a fig?

omfg fuck u flamers ur so retraded cuz i just killeded u and ur taking!

Miyu: Insert Ominous Latin Chanting music here.

wtf? are u on drugs?

Kyo: Speak for yourself, you.

ur just making it hrader 4 da peple hu licked da stroy to admit it!

Cassy: Newsflash, dude: Nobody liked it.
Kyo: I'm not licking the story. I'm afraid I'll catch something unpleasant.

shut da fuck up u ugly bitches and cunts. ok? tank u muthafuckas.

Jessie: You're welcome?

CHPATA 6-THE FIT

Miyu: The Mary Sue is not going to throw another temper tantrum, is she?

So da days got longer and happier.

Kyo: And this fic got longer and more miserable.

The school waz finshed w/ the evil flammers(lol geddit u died in a FIRE cuz ur FLAMERS hahahaha).

Jessie: Ah, ha, ha, ha... get out!

Everyone waz happy.

Cassy: Yeah, you keep telling yourself that.

But then...Puck went to jail. omg!

Kyo, Jessie, Cassy: OMG!
Miyu: Hey, random plot device!

And I was all on my own.

Kyo: *rolls eyes* Yeah, poor you.

I know I shudn't of doing wat I did. But I did it and I dont tink I will ever appologize.

Jessie: Um, what the hell did she do?
Kyo: Exist.

It waz a mistake, but not the worst I cud of done.

Cassy: You sure about that?

I was crying in my bedroom. I was wearing just a bra.

Miyu: As if we needed to know that.

Then Fin cam in. He looked all sad. He hugged me.

Jessie: I'd rather have Finn hug a cactus that has poison coated spikes.

I was all happy and I pretended we were having sex cuz I was just waring my underwear.

Kyo: Wait, wasn't she only in her bra earlier?
Jessie: Stop questioning the short term memory loss, Fox Boy.

I imagined him naked too. It was sooo hawt. I nearly died cuz of the hawtness.

Cassy: Unfortunately, that didn't follow through.

But I stayed under control. I huged him back. Then...he touched my boob!

Kyo: *in a nasally voice* I touched her boob, guys! I'm not a virgin anymore!

I was sooo happy and then he took off his close and he sticked his wiggly man-popsicle thingy into mine, and I orgrasmed.

Miyu: Sex tips from Tara Gilesbie!

And then we did it all nite till it was time to get reddy for school.

Jessie: How many energy drinks is this girl knocking back?
Cassy: Pretty sure it's twelve. And let's add the coffee...
Miyu: And that 5-Hour Energy stuff...
Kyo: And lots of cocaine. It's a hell of a drug.

Kut walked in and gasped. He began to cry. "OMG!

All: OMG!

Princess u slut! How DARE u hav sex w/ Fin? U no I luv him!"

Jessie: *as Kurt* Because I'm gay, and you're not!
Kyo: You just found out that Princess was sleepin' around? Guess we should tell you that the Earth's round, too.

I was soooo sorry cuz I'd just done a Rachel!

Miyu: Last time I checked, Rachel didn't hump everyone.

Dis was EXACTLY the kind of thing she liked to do to people.

Jessie: If that statement was true, I'd be sleeping with Brad Pitt right about now...

And I tried to explan. "Sorry Kurt!"

Kyo: *as Princess* Yeah, my bad. Here, lemme get you some ice cream and my crabs...
Jessie: Kyo...

But Kurt was so angry.

Cassy: No shit, Sherlock.

"He's ur BROTHER u incestus argatron1!"

Jessie: What in the blue hell is an "argatron"?
Miyu: An anticoagulant that is used to treat thrombosis... no, wait... that's an argatroban.

And den he hit me.

All: Yay!

Fin got all angry and hit him back. He thru him thru da window.

All: Boo!

Kurt went flying-weeeeeeeeeee,

Cassy: All the way home?
Miyu: They are home, Cassidy.
Cassy: Oh. Whoops.

and I was screaming. "U GAY FAG!" scremed Fin, and then my dad walked in. He made me suck his dick while he yelled at Fin.

All: *flatly* What.

"DONT U CALL MY SON A GAY FAG!" he yeled.

Kyo: *as Burt* BECAUSE THAT'S REDUNDANT!

Fin waz sad. He got told to leaf the house for ever.

Cassy: After he was told to make like a tree first.
Kyo: You suck, Cassy.

I waz sad. I wud miss my bfs soooo much.

Jessie: Hey, at least the spread of STD's will be curbed.

But then I remberd how nice Mr Shoe waz, how hawt and sexy he waz.

Kyo: There goes that five minute memory system again...

I decidd to go hav sex with him, bcuz he was the kind of man I wanted to carry his baby.

Cassy: *sputters* The hell?

Next day, I went to skull waring a very short skirt, fish net tites and a bra. That was all.

Miyu, Cassy: Oh, for heaven's sake...
Jessie: What, no shirt or shoes?
Kyo: Or logic?

If nun of that got Mr Shoe to notice me, I dont no wat wud.

Miyu: The school's dress code, perhaps?
Cassy: Yep.

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