Mystery Science Theater En Masse

Black Crow Crew, Episode 13: Sabrina's Adventure 2: Return of Sabrina (Part Ten)

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11. A Christmas Surprise

Kyo: Merry Christmas, it's a pile of shit.
Jessie: This fic or your gift to them?
Kyo: It's both.

It's been a few months since Sabrina and her friends returned home from thier adventure,it was getting close to Christmas.

Cassy: *with a dunce cap on her head, halfheartedly blows on a party horn*

Nobody has seen or heard about Sabre since he was defeated back then.

Miyu: Yeah, yeah, and it'll be like the end of "Space Mutiny" where the main villain wasn't dead after all.

Sonic and his friends were preparing for the big holiday season. Sabrina was in her room,reading a book that Shadow got for her, Memories of the Wind. She was almost finished reading the whole book,she only had several pages left.

Kyo: "She was almost finished reading the whole book,she only had several pages left." Paging the Department of Redundancy Department!
Jessie: Of course she's "almost finished". That always happens when people are reading books in fiction.
Cassy: That or they read it so many times.

Shadow walked in and sat down next to her. "How do you like the book?" Sabrina put the bookmark in it and closed it. "I love it,Shadow!" Sabrina hugged him,Shadow kissed her on the cheek. "Not as much as I love you."

Kyo, Jessie, Cassy: *gags*
Miyu: Calling Doctor Howard, Doctor Fine, Doctor Howard. Diabeetus levels have spiked in three riffers. Administer medication immediately.

Shadow and Sabrina stood up and walked out of the room. Tails and Christina walked by as they left the room,holding hands.Christina decided to live with everyone,she wanted a more exciting life.

Cassy: Bullshit. She's only there because she's hooking up with Tails.

Tails told his secret about his true love to her a couple weeks ago,Christina surprisingly had the same thing for him.

Cassy: See? Any moron could've figured that out.

They already started dating,now they're holding hands together.

Jessie: This was three sentences ago: "Tails and Christina walked by as they left the room,holding hands." *sighs* Suethor, sweetie... just... get a beta reader, please.

"Hey Tails!" Tails and Christina waved at them and went to the party room.Shadow and Sabrina did the same,they both went into the party room where Sonic and Amy were setting up the Christmas tree.

Jessie: First off, who was talking? Second of all, why should we care about this chapter?
Kyo: Who cares, and we shouldn't care.

"Yo guys,think you can lend us a hand?" The two pairs nodded and walked over to them,Sonic was trying to get the tree stand on the tree. They brought in a giant tree,they wanted to make it special.

Kyo: I hope that it causes a special fire hazard.

"Okay,on a count to three,we're gonna hold the tree up,ready,one,two,three!" Everyone started holding the giant tree up,it kept standing while Amy put the tree stand under it. "Okay,Sonic!" Sonic and the others let go of the tree,it fitted perfectly in the stand. Everyone stood up and looked at it.

Cassy: Please do not tell me that we're getting a paragraph dedicated to these idiots setting up a stupid tree and putting crap on it.
Miyu: You forgot what fic we're riffing, Cassidy.

"Now all we need are decorations!" Everyone nodded and went to their closets in their rooms. They each returned with a box or two full of ornaments and lights.Sabrina didn't bring anything,this was her first Christmas.Everyone started decorating the tree, Sonic and Amy did the bottom,Shadow and Sabrina did the middle,Tails and Christina flew up and did the top.They put many ornaments on the tree,lights,garments,everything they could think of.When they finished,Sonic walked over to an electrical outlet and plugged the light cord in,the tree lit up instantly. Everyone stood in front of it and saw how beautiful they made the tree. "Wow Tails, isn't it beautiful?" Tails smiled and put his arm around her. "It sure is,Christina!" Amy walked out of the room.

Kyo: *makes a loud snoring noise*
Miyu: That sums up our thoughts on this chapter so far...

"Now we need to get presents!" Everyone smiled and nodded. Sabrina got confused. "Presents?" Shadow walked up to her. "We give each other gifts,especially for the ones we love and care for." Sabrina nodded and smiled. "Okay,now I know what to do!" Shadow smiled and walked away.

Jessie: We need an explanation for this? Oh, right; forgot about the wangsty backstory for a minute there.
Cassy: You realize that he walked up, told her what presents were, then walked away like he was freakin' Omochao, right?
Jessie: That was a bit hilarious to me.

Shadow walked up to Sonic. "What are you getting for Amy?" Sonic smirked. "I have a real gift for her,you'll see." Sonic winked.

Kyo: *as Shadow* Sonic... your penis is not a real gift.
Miyu: *stares at Kyo* Honestly, Kyo...

Shadow smiled and walked away. "Maybe I should do that, too. I can't wait to ask."

Miyu: *unfazed* It's an engagement ring. He's going to ask her to marry him. This isn't surprising in the least.

Shadow left the room and walked outside.It was cold and snowing,but he was warm from his fur,

Cassy: No, really, dude?

he stepped out and sat down on the stairs.He saw many people ice skating on the large lake closeby,he sighed and closed his eyes.

Miyu: Oh... wait, what? Where's their house? I thought that it was near a beach! Now it's near a beach and a lake?
Kyo: Consistency. They're like unicorns in this thing, Miyu.

He felt a breeze,suddenly,a snowball hit him in the face,he fell over on the ground.He suddenly got really cold from all the snow around him,he sat up and started shivering.

Cassy: After one snowball. Okay, yeah, sure, whatever. Is this fic over yet?

He looked around and saw Sabrina making a snowball,she threw it at him. Shadow jumped up,the ball missed. "Hey! Who threw--Oh,it's you,Sabrina! Sorry!"

Kyo: *as Shadow* I'm only forgiving you because you're my hump buddy!

Shadow suddenly got hit by another snowball from behind. "Hey!" He turned around and saw nobody. "Hmph!" He got hit by another snowball from the other side. He brushed the snow off him and started running around. He saw a blue quill sticking out from a tree. "Gotcha!" He quickly scooped up some snow,rolled it into a ball and threw it at the blue quill. He hit it,Sonic jumped out from behind the tree,shivering and covered in snow. "Brr! Man,that's too cool!" Sonic had a snowball in his hand,he was about to throw it when he saw another snowball flying at Shadow,it hit him in the head. "Hey!" Sonic started laghing,suddenly,several snowballs flew at Shadow,they hit him. "You are just too easy,Shadow!" Sabrina,Tails,Christina,and Amy stepped out from their hiding places. Sabrina launched another snowball at Shadow,he jumped out of the way before another snowball missed him. Shadow ran and hid behind a tree next to Sonic's,Tails soon ran up to them and hid from the three girls. The girls scooped up some snow,made balls,and threw it at the three boys. They all hit the trees,not hitting the boys,who threw snowballs at the girls. Sabrina ran out to try to get the boys,but she got hit by three snowballs,she fell over and got back up. She suddenly jumped into the snow and dug her way to the boys. Amy and Christina started using teamwork to get the boys cold. Amy tossed snowballs in the air while Christina used her three tails to hit the balls at the boys like baseballs. Sonic was about to throw another ball when he saw an army of them coming. "INCOMING!!" Shadow and Tails hid behind the trees,Sonic jumped higher into the tree,suddenly,he felt something grab his foot,he looked down and saw Sabrina pulling him down. "Uh-oh!" Tails and Shadow saw this and started throwing snowballs at Sabrina. Sabrina got hit by a thousand snowballs before she fell over,still gripping Sonic's foot. He fell out of the tree in the open where the girls were.He got completely covered in snow,he looked like a snowman. Everyone started laughing. "Look who showed up,it's the snowhog!" Sonic started laughing with them,he jumped back up and started building a snowman of himself,in a few seconds,he was done. He made a pose that looked exactly like the snowhog.Everyone started laughing,Shadow suddenly ran at the snowhog,he ran around it,in a few seconds,it was turned from Sonic to Shadow. Everyone laughed louder,

All: *incredibly bored*
Jessie: Shoot me. I know that this is ironic coming from me, but... just shoot me.
Kyo: *lights himself on fire* Haven't done this in a while. Might as well be amusing.
Miyu: I don't know what happened, and I don't care any more.
Cassy: *blows her party horn, halfheartedly sings* It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas... blah, blah, blah, blah, blah... *stops* Can I go die now? I would rather die than read another sentence of this.
Kyo: And you'd kindly leave us with this crap while you yuk it up with whomever you want to in Heaven or somewhere? Uh-uh, no way, Kitty.

Sabrina ran to the ice skating lake and started sliding on the ice,everyone followed her onto the ice and started skating.

Miyu: *as Sabrina* Dance, puppets, dance!

"Wow,I haven't done this in over ten years,yet I'm so good at it!" Sabrina continued skating.

Jessie: And after she wanked off to how good she was, she crashed into a tree and died. The End, screw this fic.

Shadow started skating next to her,she got an idea. "Hey Shadow,you wanna race?" Shadow smirked and started skating faster. Sabrina sped up and got ahead of him,they were both neck to neck. Suddenly,both hedgehogs ran out of ice and tripped into the deep snow.They both popped up out of the snow and started laughing,Sabrina suddenly jumped him,he was buried in the snow,Sabrina started laughing. Shadow got up and tried to jump at her,but she jumped out of the way and back on the ice.Shadow stood up and chased her across the ice.

Kyo: Okay, seriously, why is this here?
Jessie: *bored* Happy Moron Fun Time, Kyo.
Kyo: We had that like... three chapters ago or some crap. I'm just convinced that the Suethor was padding this crap to up her word count now.

Tails and Christina were skating on the ice,Tails grabbed her hand and twirled her. "Wow tails,I didn't know you could skate this well!" Tails smiled. "Well,I really don't know how,I guess it just happened!"

Cassy: "I guess it just happened!" Ugh, these idiots can't be anything less than perfect. This saccharine shit makes me sick, dudes.

Christina smiled and kissed him on the cheek. Tails's face turned beet red. He suddenly backed away and fainted. "Wow..." Christina ran over to him and helped him back up. "Tails,are you....blushing?" Christina noticed his face was still red.

Miyu: Um... they're already a couple, so why is this here?
Kyo: Because it wants to be there.

Christina giggled and pulled Tails back up. "Uh,thanks,Christina." His face went back to his normal color. Christina giggled and stood up,Tails tried to get up,but he slipped on the ice and fell.Christina giggled and helped him back up. "Uh,thanks again,Christina." Christina smiled and started skating again.Tails followed her dreamily.

Jessie: *makes a cocktail* Might as well. I don't even have the energy to riff on this any more.

Amy was skating on the ice by herself. "Hm,I wonder where Sonic went off to." She continued skating,suddenly,she saw a small blue dot moving dowm a tall hill very fast. Sonic was roaring down the hill on his snowboard,Amy recognized him and waved to him. "Sonic!" Everyone heard her,they turned and saw Sonic going down the slope. "Go,Sonic,Go!" He went to a small hill and jumped,he did a mid-air 360 with a tailspin. He landed on the slope with no flaws,everyone was cheering him on.He got to the bottom of the slope and went on the ice. "Yeah,that was so tight!" He skidded to a stop in front of the others and got off his snowboard. "Yeah,that was so cool,Sonic! You rock!" Sonic grinned. "Yeah,I always seem to do that here!" Everyone laughed. Amy came up to him and hugged him. Sonic really didn't like being hugged,but in a strange way,he seemed to like it. He gladly hugged her back.

All: *bored*
Miyu: The message of the story, folks; it's only okay if your "twu luv" does things that you don't like.
Cassy: Oh, so it's the kiddie edition of "Fifty Shades"?
Jessie: No, Cassy; that "book" series was written by a demon child to begin with.
Miyu: *gasps* Jessie!
Jessie: What? She has no empathy, she might as well be a demon child.

"C'mon,guys and gals,we need to do a little Christmas shopping!" Everyone nodded and left the skating area.

Cassy: *moans in annoyance* No! We don't need another paragraph full of useless bullshit!
Kyo: Cass, this chapter is full of useless bullshit.

In Station Square,Sonic,Shadow,and Tails were walking through some stores,looking for presents.

Miyu: Read: Engagement rings. We. Know.

They went into the clothing department and found some clothes for Amy,Christina,and Sabrina. They all left and went to the gift shop,they each got something for the girls,they all left the department.

Jessie: *woodenly* Wow. What detail.

The three boys separated from each other to look for more gifts. Sonic sneaked over to the jewlry department,he looked around the store,there were many pieces of fine jewlry.

Miyu, Jessie, Cassy: *places their dunce caps on Kyo's head, watches them burn*
Kyo: I should've asked this long ago; where do those caps keep coming from?
Cassy: I don't know. It's just annoying to have them pop up all of the time.
Miyu: Also... it's spelled "jewelry".
Jessie: Don't bother. Suethor couldn't spell "aura", she couldn't spell this, either.
Miyu: Spellcheck button...?
Jessie: They're allergic to that.

He saw one that caught his eye,he stopped walking and looked at the piece. It was a ring that had a large diamond on it,Sonic smiled. "Perfect."

Miyu: Uh... isn't that... what most rings look like to begin with?
Kyo: Details are for losers, Miyu.

A clerk showed him the ring. "Sonic,you are one lucky hero! This ring is perfect for your lucky girl!" Sonic smiled and payed for the ring.The clerk gave him the ring in a small,black box.

Miyu: Wait, wait, wait... did he just purchase a ring... with rings?
Jessie: Oh, my goodness! *laughs* That's so ironic!

When he turned around to leave,he saw a familiar friend looking at the jewelry,it was Shadow. Sonic walked up to him,surprised.

Cassy: *mumbles* I wasn't.

"Shadow, are you doing what I think you're doing?" Shadow turned and smiled. Sonic grinned. "Boy, you are one lucky hedgehog,Shadow!" Shadow smiled.

Jessie: And we are four unlucky riffers saddled with this piece of crap.

"So are you,Sonic. Even Tails is here." Sonic turned around and saw Tails. "Whoa,no way! Him,too?" Shadow nodded. "I saw Christina kiss him at the lake,he passed out." Sonic started laughing.

Kyo: That was as funny as a brain aneurysm.

Tails heard the laughing.He turned around and saw Sonic and Shadow,he gulped. "Oh man,they're at it,too?" He walked over by them. "Sonic,Shadow,what are you doing here?" Sonic and Shadow smirked. "The question is what are you doing here?" Tails backed away. "I uh,um,was--" Sonic finished his sentence. "Getting something for Christina,huh?" Tails slowly nodded. Sonic grabbed his hand and shook it. "Way to go,you lucky fox!" Tails smiled,Sonic let go of his hand. "Let's not mention a bit of this to the girls,okay?" Shadow and Tails nodded. Tails and Shadow kept looking around for a ring.Sonic saw one that caught his eye. "Hey Shadow,come here!" Shadow walked over to Sonic,who was pointing at a large ring. It was a gold ring,it had a large black gem on it,Shadow smiled. "Sonic,it's perfect for her! I'll take this one." Sonic smiled and asked the clerk to get the ring out and into a black box. "Here you go,sir! One genuine black diamond for your lucky girl!" The clerk gave the box to Shadow,he smiled and put the box away. Tails came up and pointed at a large ring that hade a multi-colored gem on it. "Tails,you sure know how to pick 'em!" Tails smiled and asked the clerk to take the ring out,he did so and put it in a black box.Tails put the ring away and smiled. "I can't wait!" Sonic and Shadow smiled and all left the jewelry department,they continued their shopping.

Jessie: *yawns loudly* Sorry about that.
Miyu: How symbolic. Sabrina gets the ring with the black gem. Christina gets the ring with the multi-colored gem. Amy just gets a plain one because she's not symbolic. *sighs* Yep.
Cassy: *fast forwards the fic* Who cares?! This paragraph's full of "No way, you're here, too?!" And then they all buy rings with rings! The! Fucking! End! *kicks over the table* Agh! There is literally nothing to riff here!
Kyo: *as his flames dissipate* Can I riff on how poorly you kicked that table?
Cassy: *flashes her claws, points them at Kyo* Can you riff on jumping up my butt?!
Kyo: Oh, we're doing this now?! We're really going to do this now?! *shows off a creepy smile as he ignites a flame* Oh, I'm going to have so much fun burning--
Miyu: Stop it, you two. I know that the fic's bad, but I'm not going to have you two try to murder each other because of it. Kyo, stop riffing on Cassidy and put that flame out. Cassidy, put those claws back.
Cassy: *mutters as she retracts her claws*
Kyo: *scoffs as he extinguishes his flame* Fine. Man, you never let me have any fun, Miyu.

After a whole day of shopping, everyone returned home with many heavy bags. Sonic and Shadow arrived first,Tails was behind them. Sonic and Shadow put the heavy bags down and rested. "Man,we shopped until we dropped!"

Jessie: *as she sets the table upright* I wish that you idiots would just drop dead.

Sonic heard giggling,he sat up. "Uh-oh,the girls are back! Quick Shadow,hide the presents!" Shadow quickly got up and grabbed his bags and ran to his room.Sonic grabbed his bags and went to his room just before the three girls walked into the house. "Thanks for taking me shopping with you two. I would feel so bad if I didn't get anything for them." Amy and Christina nodded. "Hm,I guess the boys are still shopping!" Sabrina saw Sonic and Shadow walking across the room. "Nope,they're right here,they must have just got back." Amy and Christina nodded and walked to their rooms with their bags of gifts.Sabrina put her bag of gifts in her room and left,she walked over to the boys. "Hey Sonic! Did you guys just get back already?" Sonic and Shadow nodded. Tails walked in and put his bags in his room and closed the door. Christina walked by him,Tails followed her into the party room where the others were. She sat down on one of the couches,Tails sat next to her and smiled. Amy walked in and sat next to Sonic,who was almost asleep from exhaust.

Cassy: It's exhausting to riff on this dumb thing. Can I sleep it off my own self?
Miyu: Your track record with this fic isn't good, you know. You ran out in a fit of insanity, tried to exchange yourself with a cardboard cutout, and switched with Rory. Besides, we're almost done.
Cassy: Yeah, if "almost done" means "we'll be done in fifty years", dude.

Sabrina sat next to Shadow,he was resting with his eyes closed,but she knew he wasn't sleeping.

Jessie: Privacy? What the hell is that?
Kyo: Remember, always invade your lover's space! That's "twu luv"!

Sabrina leaned against him tiredly,she yawned and closed her eyes. Shadow opened his eyes and smiled,he petted her long quills,Sabrina smiled. She soon fell asleep,same with the other two girls that were leaning on the boys. Sonic has also fallen asleep,Amy was sleeping next to him on the couch. Shadow was the only one left awake,Tails had fallen asleep leaning on Christina,she was also sleeping.Shadow smiled and put his hand on Sabrina's soft,long quills,her face turned from a sad to happy. "Thank you Shadow,I love you." Shadow smiled. He continued his resting until he fell asleep by Sabrina.

Miyu: "Her face turned from a sad to happy." Really? Really?
Kyo: Ugh, can this saccharine crapfest be any worse? We know that those six idiots will get together!
Cassy: This thing has more padding than Miyu's comforters!

The next morning,Shadow woke up when he heard a crumbling sound,he opened his eyes and saw

Jessie: ...Santa eating those darn cookies.

Sabrina putting a present under the Christmas tree.

Jessie: I'd rather hear a paragraph about Santa.

There were many others under it,he sat up and stretched. "Good morning,Shadow." Shadow suddenly remembered about the gifts he left is his room,he got off the couch and ran to his room.When he got in his room,he took the gifts out of his closet and started wrapping them.He quickly finished them,he suddenly remembered about the black box. He went by his bed and picked it up,he opened it and saw the large black jewel on the golden ring. He smiled and closed the box,he opened his drawer and pulled out a gift tag,he wrote some words on it and put it on the black box. He then found some special gift wrapping,he wrapped the black box with it and put a name tag on it.He picked up the other gifts and walked out of his room. He walked to the party room and went to the giant tree,he put several gifts under it,including the small black box. Shadow stood up and smiled. Sonic walked in and set several gifts under the tree. "Hey Shadow. Did you put the ring in the pile?" Shadow nodded. Sonic pulled out his small present and set it under the tree. Sonic stood back up and walked out of the room.Sabrina walked in and put some more presents under the tree.

Cassy: *fast forwards the fic again* Pointless paragraph dedicated to wrapping and putting stupid presents under the stupid tree. Whoo.

"Hey Shadow." Shadow sighed and stood up.Sabrina stood up and followed him,they both went outside and sat down on the stairs. "Shadow,is something wrong?"

Kyo: *as Shadow* Yes, um... what happened to that Darian guy from earlier? Where is he?
Miyu: *as Sabrina* ...who?
Kyo: *as Shadow* Exactly my point. Oh, and forget the fact that my whining caused him to leave the fic in the first place. I just wanted to know where he went.

Shadow shook his head,he stood up and stepped off the stairs into the snow. Shadow suddenly scooped up some snow and threw it at Sabrina,she was hit. "Hey!" She picked up some snow and made it into a ball,she threw it at Shadow. Shadow ducked so the snowball missed,he scooped up some snow and without making it int a ball,he threw the snow at Sabrina.Sabrina jumped off the porch in a double flip and the snowball missed.

Jessie: *slumps in her seat* Did this Sue really have to be all fancy while evading a snowball, of all things?
Kyo: It's not a true Sue fic without the Sue fingering herself over how good she is.
Miyu: That was a terrible way to put that.
Kyo: No, it was the only way to put that.

"Good trick,Sabrina,but I can do better!" He jumped into the air and started spinning very rapidly,he landed in the snow,still spinning,the spinning threw snow at Sabrina,she was instantly buried in the snow.

Cassy: And now he has to be fancy over that, too?
Jessie: He's the Sue's "twu luv", so he can get away with it, too.

Shadow stopped rolling and walked over to the pile. "Ha ha! Gotcha!" Sabrina popped up from the snow and started laughing. Sabrina suddenly went down into the snow and started digging her way to Shadow. Shadow was still laughing when something suddenly grabbed his feet,he was pulled under the snow. Shadow was being dragged under the deep snow,he was getting a little cold,he stopped and the hand let go of his foot.He popped up and saw that he was in the pile with Sabrina,she started laughing. "You are way too easy,Shadow! I always seem to get you every time!" She soon stopped laughing.

Kyo: And they kiss. Roll film!

She looked into Shadow's blood red eyes,Shadow looked into her deep blue eyes,they both started leaning in,they both closed their eyes,their lips were about to meet when they both suddenly heard a whistle. "Hey,lovebirds,are you doing what I think you're doing?" They both shot their eyes open and saw Sonic sitting on the porch.

Kyo: Gah-- I never thought that I'd say this before, but... damn it, Sonic! Why do you have to pad this crap out?!
Sonic: *as he's walking by* What am I padding out?
Kyo: Not you, your... bad clone of sorts.
Sonic: Oh. Uh... should I see how bad this is?
Kyo, Miyu, Jessie, Cassy: No!
Cassy: Sonic... save yourself, dude. You do not want to riff this crap.
Sonic: Oh, okay, then. I'll, uh... see you all later, then. *leaves*

Sabrina and Shadow realized what they were doing,they both backed away,blushing. "Oops,sorry,I didn't know what came over me." They both said that at the same time,they stopped.

Jessie: Yes, you know. Those hormones, for one. The fic, for two.

Sabrina pulled out of the snow pile and walked into the house,Shadow did the same. "Sorry that I ruined your big chance there,Shadow." Sonic stood up and followed them inside the house.

Cassy: Yeah, wanna know what would've helped? You shutting up so this fic would end faster.

Sabrina was in her room,thinking about what she almost did. "I can't believe I almost kissed Shadow! Oh well,he kissed me before,I might as well kiss him back sometime. But something felt right about that, Shadow almost kissed me on the lips! I guess since he loves me,I should love him back."

Jessie, Cassy: *facepalms*
Kyo: *lights himself on fire* I should be lighting her on fire for that dumb ass "logic".
Miyu: *turns to the audience with a stern look on her face* Young ladies and women everywhere? Do not take what that incredibly obtuse moron said to heart. It is an incredibly stupid message. If you do not romantically care for someone, you do not owe them anything. As Kyo said earlier, you are not a prize or item, you are a person.
Jessie: That's a first, Miyu. You're pretty fired up at this.
Miyu: *as she turns around* I'm sorry, Jessie, but I can only take so many horrible messages for so long.
Jessie: Don't apologize.

She took out her book and started reading it.After a while,she finally finished reading the book,she closed it and set it on the small table next to her bed.

Cassy: Whoo. Can somebody bury me alive now?
Kyo: Well, you do sleep in a casket, so that's half the problem solved.

It was getting close to sunset,she got off her bed and left her room.She walked to the party room where the others were,everyone was sitting on the couch,eating.

Jessie: Must be a delicious couch.

"Hey guys!" She sat down on the couch,Shadow was sitting on the other couch,resting after what happened earlier. Sonic was telling everyone about the event. "I can't believe it,these two almost started making out!" Everyone stared at Sabrina and Shadow. Sabrina's face turned red with embarassment,Shadow opened his eyes wide. "SONIC!!" Sonic scratched the back of his head. Sabrina stood up and walked to her room,embarassed. Shadow stood up and followed her. "Way to go,Sonic! Now look what you did! I'll be in my room!" Shadow stomped away to his room.

Kyo: And we all know what he'll be doing next.
Miyu: *stares at Kyo* Oh, come on.
Jessie: Wow, why is this version of Sonic so insufferable? Why do Suethors have to turn him into some dumb frat boy?
Cassy: To pad out the "plot".

On the way to his room,Shadow walked by Sabrina's room,he heard her crying.

Cassy: She's crying over this? She just contemplated loving her hump buddy, and now she's crying over something that's going to happen anyway? God, this fic is so stupid.
Jessie: God called; He said, "I know."

Shadow stopped walking,he quietly stepped to her door and peeked inside,he saw her lying on her bed,crying.

Jessie: No, really? I thought that she was making shadow puppets!

Sabrina heard the door creak open,she knew it was Shadow. She stopped crying and wiped away her tears. "It's okay,Shadow,you can come in."

Kyo: That's what every Mary Sue said to him in bed.
Miyu: I'm not going to bother any more.

The door opened,Shadow walked in and sat next to her. "Sabrina,I'm very sorry about what happened earlier.Please forgive me."

Cassy: Dude? The hell are you apologizing for? I thought that Sonic caused her to cry.
Miyu: No, Cassidy; it's from earlier when they were playing in the snow.
Cassy: Oh, right, right, right.

Sabrina smiled weakly. "No,I'm the one who should be sorry about that,I don't know what came over me."

Cassy: Okay, now why are you apologizing? As a matter of fact, why are we revisiting this?! I thought that they were already a couple! This shouldn't be news!
Jessie: *holds up a padded bra* Padding.

Shadow smiled. Sabrina pulled out her book. "I finished reading my book! It was wonderful!"

Miyu: Too bad we'll never know what the heck it was about.

Shadow smiled again. Sabrina sighed. "Thank you Shadow,you always seem to make me feel better whenever I am with you." Sabrina wrapped her arms around him,Shadow smiled. "You know,it is Christmas tomorrow,right?" Sabrina nodded and gasped. "Oh,right! I need to get to bed so I can get up early!" Shadow nodded and stood up. "I need to get to bed as well,everyone else should be getting to bed soon." He stretched and walked out of the room. "Goodnight,Sabrina. I love you." Sabrina waved back at him. "Goodnight,Shadow." Shadow left the room and went to his room. Sabrina sighed and layed down in her bed and covered up,she suddenly got an idea. "That's it! I know the ultimate gift for everyone! I can't wait until tomorrow!" She yawned and went into a peaceful sleep.

Kyo: And then she met Freddy Krueger. We all know what happened next.

It was finally Christmas, Sabrina quickly sat up in her bed and stretched,she yawned and hopped off her bed.She could hear music,that meant that the others were awake.

Cassy: Either that or their Christmas ghosts were playing it.

She ran out of her room and ran to the party room,Sonic,Tails,Shadow,Amy,and Christina were waiting for her. "Hey Sabrina,we were starting to think you'd sleep in on us!" Sabrina smiled.

Cassy: *as Sabrina* Hey, the plot can't continue without me!
Jessie: *as Sonic* Um... we technically don't have a plot here...
Miyu: Um... who was the person that just spoke to Sabrina?
Kyo: Who cares?

Amy stood up. "Okay,are we all ready to open presents?" Everyone sat down and nodded.

Kyo: Oh, my god. Bring me back when that crap is over. *burns into a pile of ash*
Jessie: Fair enough. Nobody wants to riff that paragraph. *resumes reading her magazine*
Cassy: *plays with her yo-yo*
Miyu: *fast forwards the fic* Guess I'll riff whenever possible, then...

Amy grabbed a random present from under the Christmas tree and read the name tag. "Hm,this one is for Tails,and it's from Christina!" Amy gave the present to Tails,he quickly opened it. "Hey alright! An F-62 model airplane,I was saving up for this! Thanks,Christina!" Christina smiled. Sonic pulled a present out from under the tree and read the tag. "Okay,this one is for Shadow,and it's from Sabrina!" Sonic handed the present to Shadow. Shadow opened it and smiled. "Alright! I got some new chaos wristbands for my chaos control! Thank you,Sabrina!" Sabrina smiled. Christina pulled out a gift from the tree and read the tag. "This one is for Amy,and it's from Sonic!" She gave the present to Amy,she calmly opened it,she gasped and smiled. "It's a red dress,it's perfect! Oh,thank you so much,Sonic!" Sonic gave her a thumbs up. Sabrina pulled a present from under the tree. "Hm,this one is for Christina,and it's from Tails." She gave the present to Christina,she calmly opened the present and gasped. "It's a dance outfit! Oh,thank you Tails!" She hugged him tightly,slightly choking him. She let go of him.

Miyu: *sarcastically* It's cute if a girl is practically choking her lover. Great message there. *fast forwards again*

Shadow pulled a present from under the tree,he read the tag. "Hmm,this one is for Sabrina,and it's from Sonic." Shadow handed the large present to Sabrina,she quickly opened it and gasped. "Awesome,I got a snowboard! Thank you so much,Sonic! Think you can teach me?" Sonic smiled. "You bet!" Tails pulled out the next present. "This one is for Sonic,and it's from Christina." Tails gave the gift to Sonic,he quickly opened it. "Sweet! I got some new grinding shoes! Awesome,Christina!" Amy pulled the next present. "This one is for Shadow,and it's from Sabrina!" She handed the present to Shadow,he opened it and smiled. "Hey,it's a red winter jacket! It was getting too cold outside anyways! Thank you,Sabrina." Sabrina smiled. Sonic pulled out the next gift. "Let's see,this one is for Christina,and it's from Tails!" Sonic handed the small gift to Christina. She opened it and gasped. "It's a blue sapphire heart pendant,it's so beautiful,Tails! You're the best!" Tails smiled. Sabrina pulled out the next present. "This one is for Amy,and it's from Sonic!" Sabrina gave the present to Amy. She quickly opened it. "It's a crystal kitty,it's so cute! Thank you so much,Sonic!" Sonic smiled. Christina pulled out the next one. "This one is for Sabrina,and it's from Shadow and Tails!" She gave the present to Sabrina,she calmly opened it. "Wow,it's a pair of air shoes, just like Shadow's! Thanks,Shadow,you too,Tails!" They both smiled. Shadow pulled another present from under the tree. "This one is for Sonic,and it's from Sabrina." He handed the gift to Sonic. He opened it and smiled. "Cool! A green winter jacket,nice! It matches my eyes!" Sabrina smiled and pulled a present from under the tree. "This one is for Tails,and it's from Sonic!" She handed the gift to Tails,he opened it and smiled. "Cool,it's a new tool set! Thanks,Sonic!" Sonic gave him a thumbs up. Tails pulled out the next gift. "This one is for Amy,and it's from Sabrina!" He gave the gift to Amy,she calmly opened it. "It's a pair of gold earrings! They match my bracelets perfectly! Thanks,Sabrina!" Sabrina smiled. Everyone continued opening their gifts,until there were only three left.

Miyu: *pours water on Kyo's ashes*
Kyo: *reforms, coughs* Yeah, I'm going to need to perfect that. *looks at the screen* Miyu? I thought that you were going to revive me after the gift giving crap.
Miyu: Oh, it gets worse. Well, aside from the stock smiling and Sonic giving a thumbs up. You need to see this.
Jessie: *still reading her magazine* Please. I'd rather look at the lipstick color trends in my magazine.
Cassy: We all would.

Sabrina stood up. "Everyone,I have a very special gift for you all,the gift of immortality!" Everyone gasped. "You can give us immortality?" Sabrina nodded.

Kyo: Oh, fuck this fic up the ass!

"Yeah,Knuckles told me a while back,

Miyu: Offscreen!

don't worry,I will stilll have my immortality,and you all will,too!" Everyone started screaming in joy and excitement.

Cassy: Which means that these dumbasses will sit here and do useless shit for all of eternity. Great. Just great. This is literally Cullen tier bullshit.
Jessie: Know what else would happen? A bunch of people will come barreling down and literally beg or exploit her to become immortal. Considering how obsessed some people get for eternal youth... logically, this wouldn't end well.

Sabrina held her hands out,they started glowing black. "Okay,everybody hold still!" Sonic,Tails,and Amy stood still in front of Sabrina. She leaned in and put her glowing hand on Sonic's shoulder,the black arora that was around her hand spreaded to his whole body.Sonic stayed still,he felt a bit of pain at first,but then it went away,he closed his eyes. Sabrina kept her hand on his shoulder for about a minute,then the black arora faded away,she took her hand off of his shoulder.Sonic opened his eyes,he felt stronger. "Whoa,is immortality supposed to make me stronger?" Sabrina nodded. "Yeah,immortality is supposed to make you ageless,you will never grow old or weak,you can only get stronger!" Sonic smiled. Sabrina gave the immortality to Tails and Amy,they felt the same thing. "Wow,thank you so much,Sabrina!" Sabrina smiled cheerfully. "Now no one can be left behind or forgotten,we all can be together forever!" Everyone started cheering for her.

Kyo: I'm going to throw up. I'm literally going to throw up. I think I just had a diabeetus overload.
Jessie: I feel your pain, Kyo.
Miyu: Uh... you forgot eternal youth. Immortality only means that you'll live forever, but you'll still age.
Cassy: Stop thinking, Miyu.

Shadow walked up to Sonic. "So,are you ready to pop the question?" Sonic grinned. "You bet! I'll go get Tails!" Shadow nodded. Sonic ran over to the now,immortal Tails.

Cassy: We already know that he's immortal. Stop holding our hands. We're really tired of telling you to stop holding our hands, Suethor.

He tapped on his shoulder,Tails turned around. "Tails,ready to pop the question?" Tails smiled and nodded nervously. The three boys walked over to the tree and looked at the three small presents,they picked them up.

"May I have your attention please!" The girls stopped talking and turned around to the three boys. "Me,Tails,and Shadow all have a very special present for the three girls!" Amy,Christina,and Sabrina stared with confusion.

Jessie: You three should not be surprised at this. Especially Sabrina.
Kyo: She's got the brain the size of a pea and is ageless. Holy crap, the world's doomed.

Sonic,Tails,and Shadow slowly walked to the girls,Sonic walked to Amy,Tails walked to Christina,and Shadow walked to Sabrina. The girls started getting nervous as the boys approached them. Amy spoke first. "S-Sonic,what are you doing?" Sonic grinned.

Miyu: *plays 70's porn music* I'm sorry, I had to lighten the mood a little bit.

He pulled the small box out,he put it in Amy's hand. "Go on,open it." Amy slowly opened the gift,she unwrapped it and saw the black box.She gasped,she slowly opened the small box and saw the glitter of a diamond,she gasped loudly. "Sonic,I don't know what to say!" Sonic smiled and whispered in her ear. "All you need to say is yes.Amy Rose,will you marry me?" Amy's heart skipped a beat.

Cassy: And then she died because hearts aren't supposed to skip beats. You said that she was immortal, not invincible.
Kyo: Nice loophole, Cass.

She froze for a minute,she then came back to reality. "Yes!" Amy wrapped her arms around him,Sonic did the same. "I love you,Amy.We will never grow apart again." Amy had tears of joy in her eyes,she let go of him. "I love you too,Sonic."

Kyo: And I love you, rubbing alcohol. *dumps an entire bottle all over himself*
Miyu: Honestly, Kyo... you are a handful.
Jessie: I know that we're nearing the end, and thank heavens that this crap is ending, but... I have to bring something up.
Miyu: What's that, Jessie?
Jessie: Where is Cream?
Cassy: Uh...
Kyo: I'll just make up a headcanon that she hooked up with that Darian guy and they left this stupid fic together.
Cassy: Makes a whole lot of sense, dude.

Christina became confused when she saw Sonic and Amy together. Tails walked up to her nervously,he slowly held out a small,wrapped gift. Christina became nervous,Tails stopped right in front of her. "This is for you,Christina." Christina slowly took the gift out of his hand and started unwrapping it.She saw the small black box,she gasped and started opening it,she instantly saw the multi-colored diamond.She looked at Tails,he was shivering nervously. "C-Christina,w-w-will y-you m-m-marry m-me?" He closed his eyes tightly. Christina was shocked,she froze. "I can't believe this,Tails is proposing to me!

Kyo: I can believe it. We all can. It's as obvious as someone crapping in Times Square in broad daylight.

We've only known each other for half a year,yet we're in love."

Jessie: And then they divorced half a century later. Love wasn't so lovely to them.

Christina blinked . She smiled,Tails opened his eyes and saw this. Christina leaned in and kissed Tails on the cheek. Tails froze,his face turned all red,he came back to reality. "Tails,I will marry you,but I'll have to ask my father first." Tails smiled and jumped in the air and screamed in joy. "Yeah!"

Miyu: Um, Cousin Tails... what part of "I'll have to ask my father first" did you not get?
Cassy: All of it. Besides, we know that he'll approve of Tails because he's a running shoe.

Christina caught him and hugged him tightly. "I love you,Tails!" She put him down. "I love you too,Christina." They both leaned in and kissed.

Sabrina was staring at the two pairs,she giggled at them. She saw Shadow walking to her,she stopped giggling. "Hey,Shadow." Shadow stopped in front of her. He had a calm,gentle expression,he pulled out a specially wrapped present. "For you,Sabrina." Sabrina became nervous,she slowly took the gift out of his hand. She becan to unwrap it,she finished and saw the black box,she got even more nervous.

Kyo: She's a god damn idiot. She saw the first two ladies get rings, so why is she surprised?!
Cassy: Because... oh, who cares? This is stupid.

Sabrina opened the box and saw the glitter of a large,black diamond,she also saw a small note next to it,she read it. "Will you marry me?" Sabrina gasped.

Jessie: While I held up my middle finger.

"I knew we loved each other,but I never thought of this,marriage. I don't want to make him feel rejected,besides,I love him."

Miyu: *charges her hands with her powers while an eye of hers is twitching* Kyo... I am literally going to break her spine in half.
Kyo: *gleefully smiles* Can I watch you do that? And can I burn the body?
Miyu: If there's anything left, then yes.
Cassy: *looks at Miyu* Now who's going crazy, huh?
Jessie: *turns to the audience* Guess I'll do it in Miyu's place, then. Ladies, you can say that you don't want to marry someone. You do not need to rush into marriage, and you really do not need to say "yes" just to spare some whiny guy's fee-fees. Long story short? Never, never, ever use this cretin's bad logic in your lives.
Cassy: *also turns to the audience* Yes, because some women are following a different cretin by the name of Ana Steele. Don't follow her bad logic, either. *turns to the screen*
Jessie: Yeah... exactly. *turns to the screen* That line really did piss me off, though.
Cassy: I understand, dude.

Sabrina wrapped her arms around Shadow. "Okay,I'll marry you,Shadow." Shadow smiled. "I love you,Sabrina." Sabrina suddenly leaned in and kissed Shadow on the lips. Shadow was surprised,he didn't know she loved him this much,

Jessie: Even though she really didn't, but hey! What do her feelings have to do in all of this?! *scoffs* God, I hate this fic.

he kissed back. Sabrina broke the kiss after a minute. "I love you too,Shadow."

Everyone continued their Christmas celebration,everyone was engaged in marriage. Sonic and Amy,Tails and Christina,Shadow and Sabrina. True love was found in everyone.

Kyo: Except Cream. And Darian. And Knuckles. But screw them.

The three pairs got married two months later,on the same day,same place,and same time.

Cassy: Triple the sugar, triple the comas!

But,what happened with Sabre,what became of him?

Kyo: This should've been the last chapter instead of all of that useless shopping and snow crap...
Miyu: *as she calms down* And he's not dead. We all knew it.

On Paradise Island,Sabre was still healing from the injuries he obtained while he fought Sabrina over a half a year ago.

Jessie: Hospitals? What are those?
Cassy: If he doesn't watch it, one of his limbs will heal in the wrong place, too.

"Curse that Sabrina! Now,how am I going to grab those emeralds? I may need some help,I need a apprentice! But,how? The people here and all over the world know about me,they would chase me to death!"

Jessie: Oh, never mind, then. He does have a bit of a point there.
Kyo: Even though they never showed news reports of Sabrenagi's Godzilla rampage.

He suddenly got an idea. "That's it! Why not find a partner when I can make my own! All I need to do first is find a little girlfriend." He laughed evily.

Miyu: And that's how Kusanagi created Tsuki!
Kyo: *snickers*
Cassy: Man, Sabrenagi was the best part of this dumb thing. That just sealed it.

"Soon,Sabre will once again rule the world and have the power in the grip of my fist!"

Kyo: No you won't. Stop trying.

What will become of the world? Find out in my next sequel!

Jessie: There's another sequel?! Oh, Jesus H. Christ!
Kyo: Yeah, fuck this, I'm out! *ignites himself on fire, instantly turns into ash*
Cassy: Whoa, what the heck?!
Miyu: Remember, Cassidy? He dumped rubbing alcohol all over himself earlier.
Cassy: Well, then. Yeah, I'm not looking forward to this crap.
Jessie: *sighs* Neither am I. I'm going to drink my brain cells away.
Miyu: Have fun with that, I guess.

--

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