Mystery Science Theater En Masse

Black Crow Crew, Episode 2: Jasukurini Sakaraemonii (Short: Kurotsuki Yamihana)

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Kurotsuki Yamihana was a very pretty girl.

Kyo: With a weeaboo name.
Jessie: Oh, Kyo, stop.
Miyu: Blackmoon Darkflower? Really?

She had a dark black hair wit red tips.

Cassy: Great, I gotta wash my dyed tips out now.
Kyo: Good. You know, you always looked tacky with that stuff.
Cassy: You can't tell me what to do with my hair, you jackass.

She had red Is and a black horn and black cat ears.

Jessie: I write in black ink, but I always make my I's red.
Miyu: That horn and ears kind of detracts from the "prettiness", doesn't it?
Cassy: *plays with her ears* Oh, just as long as she didn't Sue up my ears...

She has a black belly shirt and a black very short mini skirt wit chains.

All: Typical Sue clothing.

She had large black demon wigs that she could fly very good wit.

Miyu: Who the heck are her parents?
Kyo: And what store should I go to for some black demon wigs?

She had black shiny espeon tail.

Jessie: It's "Cut and Paste Genetic Freak of Nature" Sue!

She had fishnets going down to her black airwalks.

Cassy: This is insulting to goths everywhere...
Kyo: Nah, I don't think goths looked like they came out of five different creatures.

She glowed light red of her prettyness.

Kyo: Really? I have a different word for that.

Her mom kept her locked up in a tower wit one window because she had pokemon attack her before and she no want it to happen to her.

All: Huh?

But she want to be wit pokemon. she used to have black cat tail.

Cassy: Hey, that's my tail! That damn Sue stole my tail!
Kyo: Calm down, Kitty. There are lots of tails.

She try to sneek out but her mom find out.

Miyu: Besides, how can you sneak out of a tower, anyway?

Tsuki: but mom I want to be a pokemon trainer

Cassy: And that's what Timothy Treadwell said before he hung out with those bears.
Miyu: Ick.

Mom: no I wont let u and I not giving you food for 2 months

Jessie: *as Mom* Because I'm too lazy to climb down from this tower and go to the store. Now shut up, I'm missing my stories!
Miyu: Hang on; she won't buy any food, but she apparently bought all of those Goth Sue clothes? What kind of screwed up logic is this?

Tsuki: i will run way

Cassy: *as Mom* That's nice, dear. Mommy's on the phone now.

Mom: make that a year ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Kyo: And then the wicked, abusive mother choked on a chicken bone and croaked. The End.

After mom left

Cassy: ...to deal with that "customer" she left hanging...
Miyu: Cassidy...

Tsuki: I have to cut off cattail to excape so I can get through window

Miyu: What? That makes no sense at all!

She got a knife and cut off tail blood trickled down on the floor.

Kyo: A darker version of Hansel and Gretel, perhaps?

She left note for mom that in blood that said I hate you and I run away to someone who love me he something to member me by an left her tail on it.

Jessie: She then left another note. It read, "Die Bart, Die".
Cassy: Also, the extra keepsake was a hairball.
Kyo: Speak for yourself, Kitty.
Miyu: Um, why would she leave a keepsake for her mom if she hated her?
Kyo: Why do you keep looking for logic in things that lack it, Miyu?
Miyu: It's good brain exercise.

She flu out window.

Kyo: After she cholera'd it open.
Cassy: Kyo, you suck.

She landed in a field wit pokemon and a shiny espeon came up to her.

Miyu: Because regular colored Pokémon aren't good enough for her.

Tsuki: hello im new here

Jessie: *as Espeon* Yeah, I figured. I mean, nobody else here looks like they came from five different things.

Espeon: hello wats ur name

Kyo: *as Tsuki* Mary Sue. I mean, Bella Swan. I mean...

Tsuki: I thought pokemon cant speak human

Miyu: *as Espeon* No, the Sue language and the Human language are two different things.

Espeon: they cant but u can understand me you must be a pokemon god ill be ur pokemon my name in moonflower

Cassy: What the frick did that thing just say?!

Tsuki: ok moonflower im Kurotsuki Yamihana but call me tsuki I don't have a pokeball so u have to follow me

Miyu: Because Sues attract Eeveeloutions like flies to poop.

Moonflower: ok I don't like pokeball anyway u can call me moon

Miyu: So, Tsuki has an Espeon named Moon.
Kyo: A moon owns another moon?

Tsuki: ok wat level u at

Moon: I at level 20

Tsuki: I level u up

After hard work tsuki leveled moonflower to level 276

Cassy: Well, that's only if you can count three seconds of training as "hard work".
Jessie: Is this Espeon Missingno?!

Tsuki: let go to pokemon center do you know where close one is

Kyo: *as Moonflower* Yeah. You see that large crack in the ground? Jump into it.

Moon: I think there one in littleroot

Tsuki: ok I go there then

Miyu: After five minutes of nothing...

After a little bit tsuki and moon arrived at littleroot and went to the pokemon center there

Kyo: Wait, wait, wait... Littleroot Town doesn't have a Pokémon center!
Jessie: Anime location?
Kyo: Still ain't plausible.

Tsuki: hello

Tsuki handed nurse joy her espeon

Nurse joy: hello did u see Prof. Birch u have 2 to be a official trainer

Tsuki: ok I will thank you for telling me

Tsuki went to Prof. Birches lab there were 2 other people in there

Tsuki: hello Prof. birch I was told to come here I already got a pokemon

Birch: ok heres ur pokedex it made of diamond and five diamond pokeballs

Cassy: No, I guess we don't need explanations, pacing, or logic. Thanks anyway.
Kyo: A diamond Dex and Pokéballs...? I'd so pawn those.

Ash: hi im ash he was blushing

Miyu: Now is Ash saying that Brock's blushing, or is the narrator saying that Ash was blushing?

Brock: hi im brock

Tsuki: hi I'm tsuki can I join u on ur jorny

Kyo, Jessie: *as Ash and Brock* Hell, no!

Ash brock: yes

Cassy: Did Ash and Brock merge into one person?
Miyu: Hey, it's almost like CatDog!

And that's how her jorny started

Kyo: Oh, shoot me.

JaSuKuRiNi SaKaRaEmOnIi!

Miyu: RiDe ThE wAvE!
Cassy: THe MAstEr dOes NoT aPProvE...

Name: Jasukurini Sakaraemonii (She like be called the Rini)

Age: 13 bu looks 18

Jessie: Whoa, jailbait alert!

Height: SIX FOOT

Cassy: The height is so great, it must be in ALL CAPS!

Weight: 15 ponds

Kyo: Either that's one huge girl, or the average supermodel.

Sepec: Half angle half demon half human

Jessie: Acute?
Kyo: Right?
Cassy: Obtuse, maybe?
Miyu: No, I'd say it's a 33 degree angle.

Hair: Black

Cassy: What, no mood ring stuff?

Eye: change color with her emotion!

Kyo, Miyu, Jessie: Typical.
Cassy: Oh, there it is.

Pokemon: Eevee Dragonaire Ninetails Pikachu Mudkip Torchic Lucario Mew

Miyu: I did expect an Eevee, but a frigging Mew?

Bio: She is blinde, death, an mute. She was born witout a mouth and nose.

Kyo: So she should be dead by now!

She talks with telepathy and hers with it to. She sees with her mind.

Jessie: I'd like her to see the logic in this with her mind.

She is very nice and caring. She is the smartist girl in her class. She can red minds.

Cassy: Show, not tell, please.

HER BOYFREND LOL

All: HAHAHA LOLOLOL.

Name: Hana Kotoba Ikisukosetetogama (Like be to call the Koto)

Miyu: He likes to be called a musical instrument?

Age: 4556789 (look 19)

Jessie: If that is true, then I'm the next Queen of England.

Height: SIX FOOT SEVEM

Cassy: HEIGHT IS IMPORTANT!

Weight: 16 Pongs

Kyo: What, he weighs sixteen Pong cartridges? Or sixteen Pong arcade machines?

Sepec: half vampire half demon half angle half nekoneko

Kyo, Jessie, Cassy: All bullshit.
Miyu: 25 degree angle.

Hair: Whit

Miyu: ...tled down into nothing.

Eyes: Silvery

Cassy: Silvery-ish.

Pokemon: Mewtwo Flygon Jirachi Umbreon Arbok Blastoise Charizard and Hevelarki.

Jessie: What the hell is a "Hevelarki"?
Miyu: I'm still dumbfounded by the fact that he seemingly has eight Pokémon on hand... with two of them being legendaries.
Kyo: And one pulled out of the deepest portions of the ass.

Bio: He's beautiful an the smartest boy ever. He loves Rini cuz shes really smart.

Cassy: Are there any fangirls surrounding him? No? Then I'll have to deny that first sentence.

Hevelarki

Age: 2

Height: 1 feet

Weight: 2 ounces

Kyo: Apparently, this Hevelarki thing is also a supermodel.

Fur: Golden, but silver at night

Eyes: Silver, but golden at night

Jessie: It's almost like one of those color-changing spoons!

Bio: Hevelarki is a beautiful fox pokemon with 20 tails it is all the types and know every move.

Miyu: The Ultimate Sue Pokémon, ladies and gentlemen!

Story: Lucario give Rini a necklace it a blessing let her do stuff she cant she can save or destroy the world it AMAZING!

Kyo: A blessing? That's a freaking curse if I ever saw one!
Cassy: A power like that in the hands of a Sue? I demand to know who's responsible for this!

It was crismas day and in a hospital a baby girl was being born by a tenager who was going to put her in an orphanij rite after she was born.

Cassy: Insert underwhelming birth scene here.

She was just born and the doctors took her into a room.

Doctor1: she has an angle wing and a demon wing she must iether b blessed or b cursed

Jessie: I vote for the latter! Now who wants lunch?

Doctor2: and she don have mowth an no nose an hoollow bones wat should we do

Kyo: *as Doctor 1* Let's kill her.

Doctor3: we cant just giv her to an ordinari orfanij

Miyu: *as Doctor 3* Because they'll use her as an alternative for Silly Putty.

Lucario came in

Cassy: And wondered just why the hell he was in this fic.

Lucario: I will take the baby and name her Jasukurini Sakaraemonii and she will be blessed with this necklace

Kyo: Lucario picked this out from "The Big Book of Maury Baby Names".

Doctor4: Why Lucario are you take this girl she will die into month!

Miyu: Die in two months? What?

Lucario: Shut up human she wont I will let her live!

Jessie: Yep, a curse.

Doctor5: OH NO YOU WILL NOT

All: CAPS RAGE!

Just then doctor12345and21 pulled out nifes, steal baby, and stab her in the eis!

Miyu: They stabbed her in the E/I logos?

Baby was ouch. Lucario glew red.

Kyo: Kyo went bleh.

Lucario: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR YOU DEI! SHINE!

Cassy: They died and became shiny?
Miyu: No, Cassidy. "Shine" is the Japanese word for "die".
Cassy: Oh. I still claim that my quip's a little funny, though.
Kyo: I object that claim.

He killed the doctors and took baby back.

Jessie: Ribs.

They flew off to forest.

Kyo: The End. *gets up*
Miyu: Kyo, there's more. See?
Kyo: *grumbles, sits back down*

-12 year later-

Cassy: Or twelve seconds, your call.

Baby grew up an now go to Uruha High School.

Kyo: Baby? I thought her name was Jasukumasomething.

She was the smartist gurl their and had a hundrid frens.

Cassy: Unfortunately, she couldn't remember their names.

Lucario raised her from very young an love her.

Jessie: It was in his contract, after all.

She was so pruti.

Kyo: Putrid? Well, that explains everything.

She sat down ner her two best frens, Twi and Tsuki.

Miyu: The other 98 are missing.

Twi: HI! RINI!

Tsuki: Rini! Eat lunch with us.

Cassy: *as Rini* No, I specifically wanted to eat lunch with friend numbers 13 and 74. You are 1 and 2, respectively.

Rini nod and sat down with food.

Kyo: Uh... how's she going to eat if she doesn't have a fricking mouth?!

Twi: So Rini how is yer life?

Rini smile as she take bit from talk with mind.

Jessie: Psychic eating? Now I've seen everything.

Rini: -Very gewd. I wish I had normal famly, dough. I wondr why I no hav momy-

Cassy: *as Rini* See, I have no mommy because I came out of thin air. And don't get me started on this concept called "daddy".

Tsuki: my mom is mean i cut of tail to get away.

Kyo: Unfortunately, I wasn't given the chance to cut my wrists while reading that emo backstory.

Twi: My momy isnt mean

Miyu: *as Twi* And because of that, I don't deserve a backstory.

Rini: -it ok we her for eachother-

They all laugh and finish the food.

Kyo: Because, you see, cutting off a tail is funny. Right? Right?!
Jessie: Um, Kyo... would you like me to kill you now?
Kyo: Please do.

It was jun 25 rinis half birthday and everyone was haveing a HUMGES PARTY

Miyu: A hummus party? Eh?

Person: wow u so pwety I can die now eatself

Cassy: This person must be as suicidal as Kyo!
Kyo: Bite me, Goth Kitty.

Evon: NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!1!

All: Yes?

Rini turn to se two new frenz.

Miyu: *as Rini* 102 friends? How can I ever keep up now?
Kyo: 101. Remember, Miyu? That one dude ate himself.

Kwean Ambar-Lishis Havik an Anelis-rayv'n the mistris of awsom.

Jessie: I guess I'm the mistress of facepalming, then.
Cassy: Oops. I almost read that first name there as "Kareem Abdul".
Jessie: He'd be embarrassed to be in this thing, Cassy.

Ambar was beatiful.

Kyo: I'm prepared to say otherwise.

She have cat ears, dog ears, antlars, and demon horn.

Miyu: I wonder how she can walk through hallways and doorways without getting stuck.

She also had demon wings and fairy wings!

Jessie: What, no cat tails?

Her bobs were size Q an she

Kyo: ...somehow managed to keep standing up without assistance.

wore a tube top and a very very very very very desu desu desu short minskirt.

Cassy: Is the skirt two inches long?
Jessie: That's very desu. I'm going to fling myself off of this satellite now that I've said that.

She had long tresses of black hair 5 in LONG!

All: *laughs*

She was murried to davi havik from the band afi.

Miyu: Yeah, as if he'd like that.

She sparkle, glow, and shoot hearts out of mouth!

Kyo: Hey, go back to Japan where you belong!
Cassy: But Kyo, aren't you from there, too?
Kyo: Well... yeah.

She conkerd all planets.

Jessie: Except this one, obviously.

She also have a magical sword that could turninto anything she wantes and she could grant wishes

Kyo: I have a wish... that this fic would end.
Miyu: We're almost done, Kyo. Hang tight.

and has a lot of pokemon and most legendary!

Miyu: Caught all 150 and more to see?

Anelis-rayv'n was also beatiful.

Kyo: I still say otherwise.

She had fox ears and pretty angle wings that were blak at the tip.

Cassy: I guess we needed more abuse of the color black.
Kyo: That's a bit of a hypocritical statement, Goth Kitty.
Cassy: Whatever, dude.

She had glases that framed her delikit fase and porsilin white skin.

Jessie: If you tip her over, she will break.
Kyo: I won't clean that up if that happens.

She wore a pretty florel patern kimono and had 15 fox tails.

Miyu: She could only sit in the back rows of the movie theaters because of them.

She had golden-brown hair that was wavy like a ocean and had a pink eye and a blue eye.

Kyo: She had pinkeye?! She seriously needs to get that checked out.

However she was multiple personality and have yami form that caused her to be evil and her wings turn all black and her tails turn to snake-tail!

Jessie: Translation: She looked more like a freak than usual.
Miyu: Hey, note how almost everything was in the past tense. Apparently she's bald, she has no eyes, and she's thankfully down to one personality.

She have bracelet seal demon away. She control all the elements.

Cassy: Somewhere out there, Storm is facepalming.

She only have 4 eevee.

Kyo: So, to summarize this paragraph here...
Jessie: Arson: Physical Sue appearance.
Cassy: Murder: Obvious Sue abilities.
Miyu: Jaywalking: Owning four Eevee.
Kyo: Thank you, ladies.

Rini: -hello you to play in water now-

Ambar: YAY I LIKE DAVI. She scream and jump in water.

Anelis-rayv'n: WATER!

Kyo: This scene's making no sort of goddamned sense...

Rini jump into the water but everyone jump out a thunderstom came!

Miyu: That quickly? It's almost like an "Avoid the Leper" game here.

Lucario: NO RINI WACH OUT!

But Rini was blinde and couldn't swim out quicky lightning struck her ears.

Jessie: Apparently, a large lightning rod was inserted into them beforehand.

Koto: No she now death

Cassy: You're telling me that nobody assisted the blind person? You all are lazy pricks.
Kyo: Ah, she was supposed to be dead from the get go, anyway.

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