Mystery Science Theater En Masse

Crazy Train Episode 7: Master Of The Heart (Part Three)

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Chapter 4

"So what's going on with you and Ash?" May asked. I turned bright red. "Wha what makes you think something is going on?" I asked.

Juniper: Well, the fact that you mentioned your love for him every two seconds is an obvious hint.

"I'm not dense plus I am a girl who can read you two like a book." May smiled. "Okay… yeah I guess you can say I uh…" I stuttered. "You like him, I could tell right away. You two are so obvious." May giggled. "What do you mean you two?" I jumped.

Rory: *bored* This is what this fic's all about, huh?
Mai: Unfortunately, yes.
Rory: Yeah, I regret taking this from Sonic now. I'm sorry.
Axl: Ha! Don't be. Sure, this fic is bad, but we've read much worse than this.
James: *sighs* Mate, my last fic was "Moonlight warrior". That was fifty times worse than this.

"You will see, anyways I wont tell anyone don't worry what are friends for,

Juniper: Holy moly! Breathe, lady!
James: They're friends? How, why, and what?
Juniper: Ash, Ash, and Ash.

plus you know you can come to me if you ever feel like talking about it." May gave me a reassuring smile as she reached out her hand to grab mine. I returned the gesture, "Thank you May…" I smiled back. I really don't know what I would do without her. I never really had a friend that was a girl before, well one that wasn't a Pokemon. I think we both knew we were now best friends.

James: No, seriously... how, why, and what? Also, did she just forget that Misty existed?
Mai: *shrugs* Development isn't a thing in this fic.
Axl: Of course the Sue's "not like the other girls" because her only friends were guys. Wait a second. That's--
Rory: Grrrl Powah!
Axl: Exactly.

"Haine, May we have to go get my next badge!" Ash complained. "We will be there in a second." May replied. She was helping me fix my hair. "Your hair is so long and beautiful, I love brushing it." May commented. "Thank you May, I appreciate your help, it's hard for me to brush the back, I can't reach the bottom part" I blushed. "I don't doubt that."

Juniper: Why is this here?
Mai: To spite us.

May laughed, I joined in until Ash stormed in the room. "I said we had to go!" Ash yelled at the two of us. "Calm down the gym isn't moving anywhere and we have to make sure our hair is perfect, right May?" I smiled. "Of course, can't leave till we got our looks going for us." May replied. We both laughed again.

Rory: Oh. Okay. *opens up a bag of sugar, gets a spoon*
Axl: Don't you dare.
Rory: *hands Axl a spoon* Oh, right. You can join in, Ax.
Axl: That's not what I meant...

Ash on the other hand was fuming. "WHO CARES LETS GO!" Ash belted as he stormed out of the room. "What was that?" I asked. "Oh he tends to freak out when us girls take our time getting ready." May replied. "Well we care about our appearance unlike boys." I smiled. "My point exactly." May winked back.

Axl: *as he styles his hair* Excuse me, lady?
James: *holds up a picture of Benimaru* This man would also like to have a word with you.
Juniper: I guess that tomboys like me don't exist, huh?
Rory: Guess not.
Juniper: And why is Ash suddenly being rude?
Mai: Because it's the first law of Suedom Law. A Mary Sue can never be wrong.

After we finished getting ready we all met outside. Ash was still fuming but what can you do.

Mai: Second law... it's never a Mary Sue's fault.
Juniper: But she held him up!
Mai: Second... law.
James: Sues are the worst, aren't they?
Mai: Coming from the person who just dealt with the worst Gary Stu.

Just then we came across a Pokeball cleaning stand. "Would you like us to clean your Pokeballs?" A woman asked. "Uh what's the cost?" I asked. "Oh it's free; we are sponsors of the Pokemon league." A man replied.

All: *staring at the screen*
Juniper: This is fishier than a Magikarp.
James: Bah. Jess and I can make better disguises than that. It's ovbiously Team Rocket.

"That's awesome lets do it." Ash grinned as he handed his Pokeballs over. "Wait a second Ash, I have a lot of business in the Pokemon League and I want to make sure this is legit." I spoke as I stopped him.

Axl: *sighs* Here we go again. Gotta deal with the Mary Sue who knows more than everyone in the canon cast.

"Alright…" Ash replied back. "Which company are you with?" I asked the two. "We are from the Hoenn league official support team." The woman smiled. "What do you think Haine?" Brock asked. "Well… I don't know anything about the Hoenn league" I blushed. Everyone fell over.

All: *facepalms*
Axl: I stand corrected.
Rory: She's dumber than I am.

"Well then why not." May laughed as we all handed our balls over. I then pulled out the Master Ball. "What is that?" May asked. "Oh it's…." I mumbled. "That's a Master Ball… What is in it?" Max asked.

Rory: She has a Legendary! I knew it!
James: Glad that I didn't doubt you.
Mai: This Sue really has no depth to her character. She's incredibly unrealistic when it comes to her motivations and accomplishments. It's so terrible that her sole defining character trait is "I love Ash". She even used her dead mother as leverage to get to Ash. We know nothing about what she likes or dislikes, her hobbies, or what makes her tick as a person. She's just a boring God Mode Sue.
Axl: She's a God Mode Sue with fluctuating levels of idiocy. But the rest is on point, sis.

"We would be honored to clean it for you." The man spoke. "Sorry but I can't let anyone handle this." I replied. Just then Meowth came in and grabbed all the balls. Turned out it was Team Rocket… Should have known.

Axl: But you didn't.

They did their motto and grabbed Pikachu. "PIKACHU!" Ash cried out. "What are we going to do? They have all of our Pokeballs…" May cried. "Not all…" Max spoke as he turned to me. I looked down at the Master Ball… Looks like I have no choice. "Promise not to freak out… Come on out I need your help!" I cried out as I threw the ball in the air. Lugia emerged and faced Team Rocket.

All: *eyes widening*
Juniper: She has a friggin' Lugia?! Sweet Arceus, what the heck?!
Mai: I thought that she had a fear of flying Pokémon. Lugia is part Flying. Pardon?
Axl: Looks like she magically got over the so-called fear that only existed to bring "depth" to her non-character.

"Lugia, Aero Blast!" I commanded as Lugia preformed the attack freeing the balls and destroying the cage holding Pikachu. "Now finish up with Sky Attack." I commanded once again as Lugia sent them blasting off once again.

Juniper: More like you nuked them from existence! I know that they can take a whole bunch of hits and get back up, but that was totally overboard!
James: I can't wait for the awful backstory on how she got that thing. I'm surprised that it isn't Shiny.

"Thank you again…" I smiled as Lugia flew down to me as I pulled it's head into a hug. "Ha…Haine… Since when did you?" Ash stuttered. "I'm sorry everyone… I didn't mean to hide him I just… Didn't know what you would say… I know I shouldn't have caught Lugia but… We both feel the same when wanting to be together! I don't know what I would do without him!" Tears fell from my eyes. "Haine don't cry, we are not mad, just amazed… You have a Lugia that is incredible." Brock replied as he put his hand on my shoulder. "You really are a Master Haine" Max smiled. "It's so cool, I would love to see it in a contest!" May winked. "I have met a Lugia before… They really are strong, to capture one you must have been amazing." Ash grinned. "Well, I wouldn't say caught is the word…" I turned to look at Lugia. "Lets go down by the lake and I well tell you the story of how the two of us met." I replied.

Axl: Okay, let's pause for a moment here. I know that we haven't gotten to the backstory yet, but she just admitted that she yanked it from its habitat. And everyone decides... to shill her.
Rory: And you won't let me eat the sugar? Thanks a lot, Ax.

"It was when I was in the Johto region, I had just gotten my 8th badge and was enrolled in the Johto league.

Juniper: She took a steaming dump on my birth region, too?! *dramatically* Why don't you just rip my heart out of my chest and drink my blood while you're at it?!
Mai: ...that was a response for the ages.

My dad and Falkner had planned a trip to go to the whirl Islands for a beach vacation. I was really excited, when I was in the area last time I never really got to go to the Islands.

Juniper: Why would anyone with a working brain want to go to the Whirl Islands for a vacation?! You might as well say that you'd set up camp in the Ice Path with no clothes on!
Axl: We're going by anime canon here, Juniper. This technically makes sense.
James: Unfortunately, the Suethor's just going to merge the game and anime together and ruin it completely.

When we had arrived it was late and my dad and Falkner had gone to sleep. I went down to the beach, it was really beautiful, but then there was a storm.

Mai: Oh, let us count the many clichés that will happen in this backstory.
Rory: We have one.

The waves became rough and the rain started pouring down.

All: Two.

I ran to a cave nearby to get shelter.

All: Three.

When I noticed that my bag was glowing. I opened it to find the Silver wing my father had given me started to glow.

Axl: How the ass did you get a Silver Wing?!

My dad had given it to me after his sister gave it to him.

Axl: Okay, let me correct myself. How the ass did she get a Silver Wing?!

She told him to give it to me because one day I would find the meaning for it. I never understood why until then.

Juniper: What a contrivance, er, I mean, what a convenience!

As the Silver wing continued to glow I noticed that the cave was deeper and dark.

Rory: What the heck was your first clue?

I was scared but some part of me said "Go… It's okay you will be alright." So I went further in. I ended up at a wall with a statue. The statue was of an old man… dressed as a priest. Just then, as my Silver wing shone brighter, the statue itself begun to glow. I screamed out as the statue moved aside and the wall came down showing a staircase. Now at this point I really wanted to turn back, I mean this was just too weird.

Mai: Coming from the Sue who easily became a Champion and Top Coordinator.
Juniper: Say what? She's not only running over Jules's dreams, but my dreams, too? Really?
James: Yep.
Juniper: Gah!

But that voice came back again. "Its okay, go down the stairs" At this point I was really mad at my conscience. As I went down what felt like over two hundred stairs I

James: *as the Sue* ...fainted and fell down the remaining stairs.

arrived at an indoor waterfall. I was so beautiful, it was as if it was glowing, I couldn't believe such a beautiful place existed. I was about to release Chikorita from her Pokeball when my Silver wing flew up above me. It started to shine red. "What's going on?" I cried out. Just then there was a shadow behind the waterfall. I froze in my tracks as a giant white Pokemon flew out from behind the waterfall and cried out as it stood before me. The silver wing still red landed in my hand. This Pokemon before me… It was Lugia… The Legendary Pokemon, guardian of the waters… Was this it's home… Why was I called here? It was a Bird… Tears fell from my eyes, I couldn't move I was frozen in fear.

Axl: *bored* Get to the part where you toss the damn Master Ball at it.

Lugia cried out once again, I noticed it's wing was hurt. The poor thing… all alone down here, hurt… I had to do something.  But I couldn't move I could only speak. "Lugia… You're hurt… I… Have some hyper potion in my bag… Will you let me help you?" I asked as tears continued to fall.

Rory: Why the heck is she crying?
Mai: Because it's supposed to add emotion, Rory.

Lugia cried out again. It was angry… The Silver wing was still red… They must be connected somehow. "Please let me help you" I continued to cry. However here I wasn't the only one who was scared. I pulled out the potion and walked up to Lugia… It looked down at me and brought it's face to mine. I was so scared I couldn't move… "Its true Lugia… I am scared of you but… I don't want to see you hurting so please just let me heal you first then do what you must. I can't leave you like this. Please…." Tears were streaming down faster.

Juniper: You're gonna faint of dehydration if you keep it up. Better chug some Fresh Water, lady.

The Silver wing flew up again and the red color faded as it then fell down to my hand again. "Lugia" I smiled. It understood me.

James: I don't understand you. You're warping Lengendaries to the point that they're bending over and kissing your Sue arse.

I then sprayed the potion on its wing. Lugia flapped it again and then faced me. It brought its head down to me as if to say thank you. I reached out my hand and touched it's forehead. "Thank you… Lugia" I spoke as I wiped my tears from my eyes. I brought my hand back to my chest and bowed. "It was an honor to meet you… goodbye Lugia" I smiled as I walked away.

Axl: If only she left. It would've been much less painful. Unfortunately, it's a Sue fic, so she's gotta show off some more boring Sue stuff.

"WRAWR" Lugia cried out as I turned back. It looked me in the eyes and the voice spoke to me again. "Battle, Lugia is challenging you" I knew the voice was right, I could tell by the look in its eyes. "You want to battle" I smiled. Lugia cried out again. "Alright then I will use my oldest friend. Raichu GO" I called out as Raichu came out of the ball.

Mai, Axl, James, Rory: *glances at the sleeping Pichu on Juniper's head*
Juniper: It begins. It's the great Mary Sue storm of our time.

Raichu seemed shocked to see Lugia. "It's okay Raichu, Lugia wants to battle you. So let's show it a great battle." I smiled. "Rai rai" Raichu smiled back. "Use Thunderbolt" I commanded as Lugia was struck, Lugia then shot back with an Aero Blast attack. Raichu had dogged it as she then use Iron Tail. "Great Raichu, now try Thunder" I commanded once again. Lugia had dodged it while it had whipped up a really strong Aero Blast. It was heading strait for Raichu. "RAICHU" I cried out as I covered her taking the attack in my back. "KYAAAA" I cried out as I was hit. Just then the attack stopped. "Raichu… are you okay?" I asked. "Rai … Chuu" Raichu spoke with a look of concern. I turned to face Lugia, "You are so strong… It was such an honor to battle you, but I don't want Raichu to get hurt so we will end it here." I smiled.

Mai: You nuked Ash's Pokémon in one hit. Your Raichu used a Hyper Beam.
James: It's only okay until her Pokémon get hurt.
Rory: I think we need more Suedom Laws. We've never gotten to the third main law.
Axl: It might as well be the third law. Number three is now "It's okay until it happens to a Mary Sue".

Lugia flew down towards me and nudged my side where my Pokeballs are. "You want to meet my friends?" I asked. Lugia cried out again. "Okay, come on out everyone" I spoke as I threw the other 5 balls in the air. Chikorita, Wigglytuff, Ninetales, Vaporeon, and Eevee all came out.

Axl: I swear, even the party's unoriginal. Every Sue has to have a member of the Vulpix line. Every Sue has to have a member of the Igglybuff line. And every Sue has to have an Eevee. She even has two members!

They were all surprised to see Lugia, but then all greeted him with a warm welcome. Lugia seemed happy to see other Pokemon. I bet it was all alone down here… No Pokemon deserves that.

Juniper: It's a friggin' Legendary! They're usually meant to be alone!
Axl: So she did yank it from its habitat because of what she wanted. Jesus Christmas, this fic is ridiculous.
Mai: That's logic, Axl. You know that Lugia is all alone because the plot warped it.

"Lugia… Is it true you are all alone here?" I asked. Lugia replied with a sad cry. "Then… Would you want to be part of my team? I may not be worthy of you, I only have 8 badges

Rory: *as the Sue* ...and I'm going to be the biggest Poké Sue that ever Sued...

but, I want to be your friend, I don't want you to be sad and alone anymore. So you are welcome to come with me." I smiled. Lugia leaned its head down to me I placed my hand on his head as I pulled out a Master Ball. "This was given to me by Professor Elm… It would be awesome to have you join us." I smiled.

James: Is that even possible?
Mai: Yes. You do get the Master Ball from Professor Elm after you obtain all of the Johto badges.
Axl: So this fic's canon is the anime with the games mixed into them.
Juniper: Doesn't matter what canon it is, it's still mangled.

But before I could say anything, Lugia went strait for the ball and caught itself. I held the captured ball in my hand and then brought it to my chest… I promised myself then that I would always give Lugia a home and make sure it never will be alone again.

Rory: She gets a Legendary with little effort? Really?
Axl: Really.
Juniper: What?! That's how the fic ends? There are no more chapters?
James: Nope. We're done here.
Mai: What... a mess.
Juniper: Heh, you're telling me. Hey, sorry about barging in on your riffing like that.
Axl: Meh, we really don't care. You're good.
Juniper: Oh, cool.
Julia: *peeks inside the room* Hey. I heard that you were done. Are you ready to go?
Juniper: *gets up* Yep! *waves to the Crazy Train members* See ya!
Mai, Axl, James, Rory: *waves*
James: *bluntly* Well, that was a load of crap. I'm going for a drink.
Rory: That's it? That's all you're gonna say?
James: Mate, I told you that my last fic was "Moonlight warrior". This fic was a walk in the park. It's bad, but it's nothing when you compare it to Benji's garbage.
Mai: He has a point there.

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