Mystery Science Theater En Masse

Riffer Recruits, Episode 1: Catwoman: Rebirth (Part Nine)

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Note: There's nothing explicit for this part, but Tails will explain a major spoiler for "Batman Beyond" and "Justice League Unlimited" here.

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Chapter 12:

Cat At Play

Isis found herself thinking about the cat statue she had found earlier all the rest of the day. It was getting late. Every moment it had rushed through her mind. It was going to be hers…

Tails: Just like what her own grandmother did! Oh, must history repeat itself?

"What do you think Felix?" Isis scratched the soft cat behind the ears. Felix replied as always with a soft meow.

"It is a nice statue," Isis thought a second. This was the first time she'd every really thought of stealing something so valuable,

Miyuki: Terry's soul is valuable, and you stole that...
Tomoko: Along with Dana's dignity and health. Don't forget that, Fujiwara.

"I mean, the museum has plenty of other treasures. Minus one won't hurt a thing…"

Tomoko: Ignoring the part where it's the only cat statue of its kind in there. But that's logic.

Isis took a glance at her Catwoman costumes. The urges were rising higher. She reached for the outfit mischievously and then pulled back, "Ah what the hell!" Isis grabbed the suit and began her transformation.

Akiko: Who the heck is she, the Dark Rose?
Tails: Who?
Akiko: Oh, she's a cat burglar who usually made the news back at home. They still don't know who she is yet.

Once Isis had the Catwoman suit on she stretched out catlike to adjust in her costume, "For some reason this costume is incredibly comfortable," she clawed the air drawing out razor-sharp claws. She released a satisfied moan.

Tomoko: *looks at Miyuki* Not a word.
Miyuki: *shrugs*

She tiptoed to the still broken window. Isis hadn't gotten around to fixing it and she wasn't planning to.

Akiko: Wow. She's lazier than Sonic.
Tails: No, Sonic would probably mull about it, too.

Isis jumped a little hearing the slightest creek in the floor.

Tails: Was a canoe present in said creek?

She hid under her bed in fear that someone would enter the room and blow her disguise. The door knob slowly turned. Isis began getting more nervous by the second. The door opened and the light from the outer hall spilled through the doorway. A voice followed, "Don't worry Catwoman," the voice whispered. Isis dared to wonder who it was the new her alternative name, "It's me; Maven."

Miyuki: *flatly* Thrilling. Did she seriously forget that Maven existed?
Akiko: Yep. I mean, isn't it odd that she's freaking out in her own house, but she doesn't want to fix the window... where other people could come in? It's kinda funny.

Isis' heart pace lowered. The old woman spoke again, "Your Grandmother always trusted me with her deepest secrets," she haltered as if in thought, "It's always nice to have a friend you can tell everything."

Isis slowly creped out from under the bed, realizing that Maven knew everything. But Isis didn't know how to respond. Did Maven approve of this?

"You're the spitting image of Selina," Maven shrugged, "A bit younger of course, but it's almost uncanny."

All: Of course.

Isis was a tad jittery, "I…uh…um…well," she managed to utter.

"Don't worry dear. I know exactly what you're up to," Isis fretfully scratched the back of her neck. She thought she was in trouble, "You've got work to do?" Isis was shocked. She didn't expect Mavis to react so diligently, "Come; where's the exciting adventure going to be tonight?" Maven asked with wonderment in her voice.

Tomoko: Mavis and Maven. Author, there was a Find and Replace thing in your program, right?

Isis was still in shock, "Uh. Well. Gotham Museum I guess…"

"Oh it's just like old times," Maven looked intensely on Isis, "Well you should get to going. If you wait to late, you'll be too tired to fight Batman."

Isis was puzzled, "What…?" but Maven exited the Cat Lair before she could her Isis say anything else.

Tails: She literally thought that she'd get away with that scot-free? What a ninny.

Isis' mind strayed back to the statue. She shrugged off the confusion to keep her eye on the prize, "Well Felix, Momma's got some business to attend to," she stoked to cat's silky fur, "I think you should stay home tonight, love," Felix's purr rang through the room.

Isis came back to the broken glass once more. She let out a soft meow and jumped out onto the ledge becoming more excited as she flipped from building to building. Tonight she would collect her well deserved prize.

At the museum once again; it was now darkened and abandoned.

Akiko: Yeah, that's what usually happens when places have business hours. But still, wouldn't you expect these places to have... guards?
Tails: Logic.

Isis plotted out her clever plan. Catwoman climbed to the roof of the museum building. The sunroof window was her best chance for a clean entrance.

Tomoko: Ah, the classic way to enter a spot to steal stuff from. Enter through the sunroof.

She extended her large catlike claws. To assure their sharpness, Catwoman tapped the claw with her index finger. A slight wince of pain amerced from her mouth. Sharp enough to cut glass. The screech of nails against a chalkboard rang as she cut a circular piece out of the glass.

Tails: And that sound is still a lot more pleasant than Farrah Abraham's singing.
Akiko, Miyuki, Tomoko: Who?
Tails: Allow me to demonstrate... *plays "Finally Getting Up From Rock Bottom"*
Miyuki: *makes a face* You serious, man?
Akiko: I think my lightning just assaulted my eardrums. That actually hurt.
Tomoko: Prower... if you value that device, you get one warning to shut that crap off before it's broken again. And I'm not so certain that it'll be fixed after that. And I'm only saying this because I like you.
Tails: Well! *shuts the "music" off* I'm not doing that again!

She reached in through the hole and unlatched the window, "Grrreat," she purred as she successfully snuck in the window and landed softly onto the hard floor below.

Catwoman tiptoed through the Egyptian exhibit sneaking behind relic to relic to evade the security camera's view. Behind every relic she came more close to the cat statue.

Miyuki: Well, unless that statue had wheels...

Behold. The statue stood before her. Catwoman was once again entranced. She wanted to free the jeweled cat from its glass prison. She stepped over the velvet rope not knowing of the security lasers she had walked over.

Tomoko: So she's just a lucky burglar.

It was time to use the heavy artillery once more. She drew out her claws and began the cutting process.

Out popped the circular glass section. Catwoman reached in the case to rescue her beloved treasure. As she touched the relic she felt the triumph rush through her vain, "What a purrfect first steal," she whispered.

Akiko: Her vein, vain, or vane?
Miyuki: *holds up a weather vane* I choose this.

She stepped backwards into one of the lasers beneath.

Tomoko: And now she's a crappy burglar.

The security bell rang loud above her and red lights filled the once unlit room. Catwoman latched the jeweled cat to a belt on her hips and flipped the hell out of there.

Tails: Because running was way too simplistic.

She found herself back under the sunroof window she had opened before. Her whip reached for a something to latch onto above. It grabbed a pole on the roof and Catwoman scurried up the whip. She was in the free.

Tails: It's "in the clear"... which she won't be in for long, actually.

She unlatched her whip from the pole and jump-roped off. Until a familiar looking bat signal caught her glance. Catwoman became a bit fearful at this moment.

Miyuki: All fun and games until you get caught. Just like your average politician.

From the foggy sky beyond Catwoman could discern a batlike figure, "Shit," she mumbled. She ran to the edge of the museum roof and hopped to the next building, perfectly balanced on the edge of brick. She tiptoed across hoping that the bat would not catch up with her pace.

Akiko: You hoped that Batman wouldn't be able to catch up with you? Are you nuts?
Tomoko: Yes, she is.

But unfortunately as she concentrated the ground below, Batman landed before her. She looked up in surprise. His remark was cocky, "Ah, ah, ah, that wasn't a good idea."

She glanced at the relic attached to her hip and then back up to Batman and glared in a cunning manner. She playfully hissed and snapped her whip at him. Batman sucked back as the whip came an inch from his face, "Would have gotten away with it too if it wasn't for those kids and their meddling pup," she sassed.

Tails: You're not a "Scooby Doo" villain. You're also not witty. Stick to the script, please.

"So then I guess it's time for the unmasking," Batman reminded.

Miyuki: Whoa, we're watching a Lucha Libre fight now? When'd this happen?

Catwoman shook her head, "Uh, uh Mr. Batman; that doesn't happen until the third date."

She did a backward flip across the building's edge and then darted down the side of the building. As Batman searched over the edge for his villainous prey Catwoman had snuck up behind him wrapping her whip around him, "So, how long have you been in this business?" was her boastful question.

Tomoko: He's been in it long enough, kid.

Struggling he replied, "I should…asked you…the same," he swung his leg around knocking Catwoman to the ground and freeing himself of the whip's clutch.

"Oh Batman, I didn't know you were into seeing girls in pain," she teased.

Miyuki: *shifts her eyes, holds up a picture of Kyo L.* Uh...

From on the ground Catwoman kicked the back of Batman's knees and knocked him down to her level. She crawled on top of his chest, "Rrweow…" she had Batman pinned, "you're cute."

Tails: Uh... are we getting to this sort of thing now? I thought that I was too young to look at that stuff.

Batman was still awaiting Catwoman's next move. She stroked her hand down the side of his face to his chest, "Maybe someday we will get to "unmask" each other, but for now…" She raised her hand above him ready to come down and scratch him across the face.

Akiko: *waves her toy sledgehammer around* Well, if that didn't give any hint of the future from her fight with Dana, it sure did now.

Batman released his arm from Catwoman's hold and grabbed her hand before she could deliver her blow. He threw her off of him and Catwoman flipped to her feet. She kicked Batman in the chest. Regaining his balance, Batman back handed her causing her to fall back, catching part of the roof to stop her fall.

Her eyes narrowed, "Grrrr…" Catwoman turned around to jump to the next building; Batman not far behind. She whipped around and kicking him across the face. This distracted Batman for a minor second as Catwoman jumped onto the ledge of the building and tiptoed to the next.

Batman flew into the air and swooped down in front of her, "Looks like I've got a stalker," she ragged.

Miyuki: Super Christian Grey!
Tomoko: Ugh. He can go get hit by a bus for all I care.

"Maybe…" Batman played back. He threw a punch at Catwoman, which she dodged. And she came back at him with a full on scratch across the chest. This gave her a little electric shock from the suit's machinery, but hurt Batman even more. He let out a wince of pain.

The sound of danger rang through the streets; clown laughter. The rev of engines became more hearable. Catwoman was the first to notice this.

Tomoko: Because she's a cat, don't you know.

Distracted, she looked down to the road. Batman soon became interested to. He turned around to see the Jokerz reeking havoc and vandalizing through the streets.

While Batman was distracted, Catwoman used this time to get away. She silently ran off. Batman turned around and realized the cat had made her escape leaving him there to tend to the Jokerz. With slight displeasure Batman spoke, "Damn…she got away," as if he were starting to enjoy this fight with the lovely cat.

Tails: And she's the first person who would make Batman love his job. Because history has to repeat... and hormones... and blah, blah, blah.

Isis found herself in her bed; Felix next there her. She sat up in her bed and stretched. Peering next to her she saw the jeweled cat statue. She smiled a slyly at Batman's defeat, "Well Felix. Looks like this Batman character isn't as tough as he seems," Felix rubbed across her arm.

Miyuki: Says the person who used a distraction. I mean, I know that you used a situation to your advantage, but you're really full of it, aren't you?

There was a knock at the door. Isis went to go answer it. At the door was Maven smiling with a new paper at hand, "Great job for your first time," she congratulated. Maven threw the paper at Isis.

Akiko: Whoa, how fast does that paper publish the news?
Tails: It's Internet paper. It's also a lot more accurate than CNN's news.

She looked down at the paper and read the headline aloud, "Catwoman reborn?" she read further to the subtitle, "Cat villain strikes back," she looked at the featured picture. It should her glass cutting workmanship. She read on, "Batman fails to catch another. Who could this clever villainess be?"

Tomoko: "Clever". Yeah. Sure.

Isis' only reply to this paper was, "Oh cool. I'm in the paper…" she ripped out the article and put it in the box with all of her grandma's papers.

Miyuki: Well, at least it was for stealing something and not killing a person. I guess that's a plus.

A mysterious man looks at this morning's paper, "So, Ms. Kyle did have a granddaughter," he moved from his spot to another, "Maybe I'll get what I can out of her first…" he closed the paper and continued with other affairs.

Tails: I really think I know who "that man" is now.
Tomoko: Not gonna spill the beans, Prower?
Tails: Not yet. Might as well let the fic do that first.

Chapter 13: (Lucky #)

Short Encounters

Tomoko: Then I hope that this chapter's short, because I need a break.

It had been the night before when Batman had his first encounter with the Feline Felon. Today's news had Terry deeply unsatisfied. Headlines of a new villainess and Batman's defeat.

Akiko: "Defeat" is going to be used loosely here.

Not one single word of about Batman's fight with the Jokerz. Which was pretty good, knowing that they had also gotten away. That night just wasn't Terry's night.

Tails: And then he went into a club and found another person with a siren voice, thus continuing the cycle.

But strangely enough, Terry tried to keep those things off his mind today. His thoughts were filled with Isis that kiss they had shared not so long ago. Weird coincidence that the robbery happened the night they had been there. But Terry couldn't even realize that. He had love on the brain all through the school day.

Miyuki: Well--
Tomoko: Fujiwara, I swear--
Miyuki: Hey, I wasn't getting to that! I was going to say how dense he's been about this! I know that I've been making all of these cracks on him thinking with Terry Jr...
Akiko: And he still is, actually...
Miyuki: Yeah, but still, he would've managed to put two and two together, right?
Tails: Yep. And now we know what the real problem this fic has, well, aside from the blatant character bashing... making another canon character denser than a cork.

But school had ended and for some reason Mr. Wayne was intent that Terry be at the cave as so as possible. Terry didn't have time to talk about this new villain last night, so he figured it would have to do with something about that.

Terry found himself thinking about Catwoman a lot too, but tried quickly to remove the thoughts. Damn, just imagine how hot Isis would look in that costume, Terry imaged.

Miyuki: *facepalms* He could've figured it out right then and there... but nope! Nope!
Tomoko: Great, now we're getting into the shilling part. Just what we needed.
Akiko: *as the narrator* Did I tell you how hot my character is? No? Let me say it again and again!

He shook his head of dirty thoughts and headed on his way.

Miyuki: You. Are. A. Dunce.

He soon approached Wayne Manner a bit indefinite of what he was in for. Inside was dark—as usual—but today it seemed darker than the other times. Terry entered the Bat Cave to the rustling of an old man trying to hide a bunch of papers and pictures. Terry walked closer to see what the old man was up to.

Mr. Wayne had left one picture out. It was a familiar picture. Ah yes the one I picked like a week ago…some how this face looks familiar… Terry looked intently on the picture trying to figure out why it looked so familiar, but nothing came.

Tails: Trust me, something will come.

"I assume you've seen the papers today?" the old man spoke.

Terry looked down in angst, "Yeah, there goes another."

Mr. Wayne shook his head, "Don't worry, I've dealt with this character before. I failed to catch her then also."

Terry became perplexed, "Wait…what? ...Don't you think she was a little young to be from your day," Terry hadn't thought about it yet, but there had been a character like this before in the past. Realizing this, Terry figured that Mr. Wayne must have something up his sleeves, "So who do you think it is?"

Tails: He did not forget that quickly. You have got to be kidding me. Mr. Wayne already told you about Selina in the past! You really are denser than a cork!

Mr. Wayne brought up some files on the computer, "This might sound a little crazy but, cats supposedly have nine lives, right?"

Terry shook his head in agreement.

Tomoko: Ask Morgan. Makes me wonder how many lives she's gone through riffing garbage.
Cassy: *as she's passing by* I've lost three or four of them already!
Tomoko: Huh.

"Well, I'm almost starting to think that one of Catwoman's 'nine lives' could have made her young again."

Terry gave him a non-believer look, "But do you really think that's possible…?"

Akiko: Don't tell me that he forgot that, too.
Tails: Yep. Ra's al Ghul pulled it off... in a very unconventional way. And don't tell me that he forgot about that universe's Lazarus Pit!
Miyuki: Of course he did.

Mr. Wayne made a silent concurring jester to himself, "You're right…" the old man turned around; hiding his face from the young adult, "This woman…Catwoman—Selina Kyles…she did have a daughter…"

Tomoko: Okay, Prower, wanna spill the beans on what you've been hiding for so long?
Tails: Better now than never, I guess. Alright, I know that it's not confirmed in this fic, but... if this is true, then Bruce just might be Isis's grandfather.
Akiko: Yeah? And what's wrong with that?
Tails: Plenty, actually. *boots up a file on his Miles Electric* You see... long story short, a government official named Amanda Waller initiated a project called "Batman Beyond", which implanted Bruce's genetic material into one Warren McGinnis. Now, we all thought that he was Terry and Matt's biological father, right?
Miyuki: Yeah...
Tails: Only... it replaced his genetic code with the former Batman's. Which means that Bruce is Terry's father. And if Bruce really is Isis's grandfather, then that means that she's actually dating... her uncle.
Miyuki: *with a blank look on her face* You've got to be kidding me.
Akiko: *confused* I don't... get it...
Tomoko: Miyadama, imagine your boyfriend, right?
Akiko: Yes.
Tomoko: Now replace him with, say... Kaoru or Haruka.
Akiko: Oh. Never mind, I get it now! I mean, I love my sisters, but not like that!
Tomoko: Exactly.

Terry didn't catch where Mr. Wayne was had gotten to in saying that, "So you think this Selina woman's daughter is the new Catwoman?"

The old man had a slight sigh in relief that Terry didn't ask any questions about what he thought the kid would ask.

Tails: And there's another hint. Seriously, this would've been hilariously awful had it been confirmed.

But he soon became weary once more, "No…it couldn't be…she's dead."

"…Oh," Terry back off to hold back from asking any of the wrong questions, "About this whole Catwoman thing; maybe I should just worry about catching her now, and finding out her identity later."

"Yes, you are right," Mr. Wayne saw the realization in this system, "But, I'll work on the identity thing, and you stick to your bronzes."

The night was growing late and it became 'that time of the night' again.

Akiko: Another full moon that shouldn't be there, probably?
Miyuki: That full moon's been up for three straight weeks!

Tonight Batman would keep a stiff lookout for this Catwoman character. This night he head out on his mobile. He figured the easiest way to find her would be to go to all of the jewelry stores in town.

And guess what. That was the right thing to do. He soon approached a suspicious looking jewelry store. In the window was Catwoman's mark. A clean circular cut in the glass. She was sly.

Tomoko: How can she be sly if she's doing the same stupid thing every single time?
Tails: Because the fic says so.

The Cat—from inside—quickly turned around realizing that Batman was in her presence. No normal human-being would have noticed this presence.

Miyuki: Because she has the ears of a cat, don't you know.

Catwoman stuffed her stolen jewels into a pouch on attached to her belt. She began her catlike flips to escape Batman.

He wasn't going to let that happen tonight.

Akiko: She's gonna get away again. We know. Might as well skip to the end of this so-called fight.

He quickly plotted how she would escape and went to her nearest clear path.

She came to the back door and as she opened it, the Bat swooped down in front of her. As if instinct, Catwoman swiped back with her razor claws, "You're becoming quite bothersome," she shouted angrily.

"And I think you're starting to have too much fun with this," Batman quirkily replied.

"Grrrshh…" She hissed,

Miyuki: Sounds more like she was hacking up a hairball.

"Maybe," she pulled out her whip.

Expecting to get whacked, Batman flinched back. But Catwoman's whip had latched her onto a fire escape and while Batman held back, the Cat was getting away.

Batman swiftly climbed the ladder.

Catwoman had reached the top way before him. She now had a cat wrapped around her shoulders. She stepped on his hands before he could pull himself off the ladder, "Why do you have to be such a pain?" She smiled sheepishly, "It's not like I'm doing anything wrong."

Tomoko: That's the same crap that a spoiled six year old would say. You're not fazing me with those dumb words.

Batman managed to grab the bottom of Catwoman's heels. He pulled on them, causing her to fall back a little. She regained her balance and ran to the other side of the building as Batman pulled himself up.

She now stood on the ledge of the building and reached into her pouch. Batman slowly walked closer. She retrieved one of her stolen jewels, "This one's for you," she tossed the ring to him. The ring was encrusted with a diamond bat, "You've become my new obsession," she uttered in a sexy tone.

Akiko: *holds up a bottle of "Obsession"* Not this?
Tails: *chuckles* Nah.

She reached back into the pouch, "And oh yes. I have another present for you," she now had a grenade in her hand, "A little something I picked off a Joker," she threw it in between them, "…Bye, bye batty…" smoke rose from the Joker's grenade.

Batman's choking distracted him while Catwoman got away. It also restrained him from getting away, but he managed just barely to jump of the building as the grenade blew up.

Miyuki: Couldn't he just fly before the smoke got ahold of him? I thought that he was the goddamn Batman!
Akiko: That's logic, Mi-chan!

The impact from the explosion sent Batman flying until he ran into a building. He weakly picked himself up and drug himself back to the Batmobile, "Damn it…" were the words he mumbled to himself.

The Cat had gotten away once again.

Tomoko: Of course she did. Who was surprised?
Tails, Akiko, Miyuki: *silent*
Tomoko: Alright, then. We're just gonna move on and forget this chapter.

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