Mystery Science Theater En Masse

Special Episode 1: Ultimate (Part Two)

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Warning: You have reached Part Two of this riffing, which contains some excessive violence. Proceed with caution.

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2. Finding Answers

Sonic: I want an answer to why this was written!

Omega Dusk charged at Hyper Shadow, Hyper Knuckles and Super Sonic. They went to block his attack, but he disappeared. He appeared behind them, tripped Hyper Knuckles, grabbed Super Sonic and threw him into Hyper Shadow. He then grabbed Hyper Knuckles' leg and began to swing him around. He then let go, sending him flying into a rock. As Super Sonic got up, Omega Dusk was in his face, charging an energy blast. But, he flipped over Super Sonic, and blasted Hyper Shadow in midair. When he landed, Super Sonic threw a punch, but Omega Dusk dodged it with ease and kicked him in the face.

Amy: Great. The Gary Stu curbstomped everyone...
Sonia: And the sentences are still crammed together...

"Pitiful. I expected a slight challenge from you three. But, I guess your just weaklings like the rest of the inhabitants of this planet," Omega Dusk said as he watched the three struggle to get to their feet.

All: Would you shut up?!

They all charged and began to throw punches and kicks, but Omega Dusk dodged them with ease.

Manic: *frustrated sigh* Great, and he dodged with ease again. I hate this guy!
Miyu: Maybe I should break my glasses. I can't read anything without them, so...

A blast of energy sent the three attackers flying.

Everyone except Amy and Miyu: *gets up*
Amy: Poison's out there, guys.
Everyone except Amy and Miyu: *sits back down*

"This isn't good," Super Sonic said as they regained their balance in mid-air. "He's more powerful than we thought."

Manic: Okay, we got it, he's powerful! Shut up!

Hyper Shadow replied, "We'll find a way to beat him."

Cassy: And then they don't, because Dusk's the master of ass pulling. Why are we still reading this?!

Omega Dusk began to walk towards them. "Do you still believe you can beat me? I will put a stop to your foolish hopes right now!"

Kyo: *grumbles*

He then rushed the trio. He kicked Hyper Knuckles and sent him through multiple buildings. When he landed, Knuckles had powered down. He knocked Super Sonic to the ground and stomped on his head repeatedly until he powered down.

All: *loudly booing*
Kyo: *throws garbage at the screen*

"Now, Shadow, since you believe yourself to be the ultimate life form, your death will be first and the most painful!" He began to rapidly punch Hyper Shadow with fierce aggression. When Omega Dusk stopped his assault, Shadow had powered down. He was barely conscious, blood pouring down his face. Knuckles and Sonic were both lying on the ground, unable to get up.

Sonic: *snores*
Amy: *nudges Sonic*
Sonic: *wakes up* What? I can't leave the theater, I can't do a tag-team suicide with Kyo on the bridge... at least let me sleep through this, huh?

Omega Dusk grabbed Shadow by the throat and began to choke him. "You call yourself the ultimate life form? You're nothing compared to me! Face it Shadow, you're nothing but a FAKER!"

Sonic: Hey, thanks for stealing my lines, jackass.
Manic: Does this guy have any sort of personality?
Everyone else: Nope.
Manic: Huh.

Faker. Faker. Faker. The word echoed through Shadow's head. "This is the end," he thought.

Cassy: *singing* My only friend, the end...

Just then, a rock hit Omega Dusk in the head.

Sonia: Too bad it wasn't a sniper rifle's bullet.
Jessie: *putting away her sniper rifle* Did you say something, Sonia?
Sonia: Nothing. Never mind.

"Who dares to strike me?"

Miyu: Who dares to take those faux-Shakespearean classes?

When the powerful hedgehog turned,

Kyo: Would you shut the fuck up about this Stu being powerful, author?! Good god!

he saw the Freedom Fighters and the Chaotix, standing defiantly before him.

Amy: Ooh! Can I join? I've always wanted to try a first degree murder charge with this hammer!

"If you mess with our homies, we'll beat you down!" Vector stated.

Manic: Since when did Vector become "gangsta"?

"Yeah!" everyone else shouted, agreeing with their friend's words for once.

Cassy: *sarcastically* Yeah, because Vector's a dumbass, remember?

"Ha. What fools you are! If these three could not beat me, what chance do you have?"

Jessie: Okay... somebody better snap this guy's neck before I do it!
Sonia: Oh, boy...

Omega Dusk then saw Sally and chuckled. "You are Sally Acorn, Princess of the Kingdom of Acorn, am I correct?" Omega Dusk asked.

Amy: And Sally responds with a proper "Kiss my ass" moment. Fans and non-fans alike promptly cheer together afterwards.
Sonic: And Dusk can't match the surname with the kingdom's name. Just all muscles that lack brains.
Manic: *as Dusk* Dur... hey! This lady has the same last name as that one regal last name!

Sally replied, "...Yes, I am." To her it felt like her heart was in her throat.

Miyu: *pushes glasses up* Then I believe that you may need to check that out with a doctor.

"Would you mind telling your father something? Tell him that in five days, I am going to kill him and everyone else in the Kingdom of Acorn. Do you mind telling him that?"

Cassy: Cripes, have you been taking some redundancy classes, Dusk?
Sonic: *as Dusk* Also, I'm joing him for a cup of tea beforehand. Would you mind telling him that?
Manic: Uh... why would he want to destroy the Acorn Kingdom?
Sonia: Uh... because?

Everyone gasped when they heard this. Then, Omega Dusk looked at Shadow, Knuckles and Sonic, who were all unconscious. "I will let these three live. Maybe they will be foolish enough to challenge me again. I could use the practice."

Kyo: We could also get a rifle, stick it in your mouth, and pull the trigger, Dusk.
Manic: Then we should hire Sarah Palin. I heard that she can do some good sniping from a helicopter.
Jessie: I'm offended now, Manic.

He dropped Shadow and began to fly up into the air. Then, he vanished.

Sonic: Too bad we couldn't do the same.

When Shadow woke up, he was in a hospital bed. He was covered in bandages. He looked over and saw that Knuckles and Sonic were awakening also.

Manic: Apparently, they were on a timeframe to wake up in sync.
Sonia: Maybe we should wake them up again when the meatloaf's finished, too.

They were in the same condition.

Miyu: *adjusts glasses*
All: No shit!

Just then, Sally rushed in and embraced Sonic, kissing him. "Thank god you're all right!" Julie Su followed and gave Knuckles the same treatment.

Cassy: Great, break more of their bones, huh?

Groaning in pain, Sonic said, "Easy Sal, like I'm not hurt enough."

Kyo: *as Sonic* I mean, I just got my butt handed to me by a recolor and everything...

"Yeah," Knuckles added, talking to Julie Su.

The rest of the Freedom Fighters and the Chaotix came in, along with Rouge, who ran up to Shadow and embraced him. "I feel horrible! I should have been there to help you guys!"

"It's fine," Shadow replied, surprised by Rouge's sudden hug.

Manic: *sarcastically* Because you see, girls can't fight properly.

Sonic added, "Yeah, he was way to powerful for any of us."

All: Would you -- argh!

"How long have we been out?" Knuckles asked, causing everyone in the room besides him, Shadow and Sonic to sigh.

Amy answered, "Two days, which means we have three days before that madman comes and tries to destroy everything and everyone."

Jessie: So... run away? Get out of this crappy fanfic? Something?
Amy: *as herself* Oh, my god! Five minus two... equals three! I'm so smart, guys!

"It's gonna be fine. We'll thing of something," Mighty said. "I mean; we've been in worse situations than this."

Cassy: Yeah, like being in bad Sonic hentai.
Miyu: Cassidy...

"We have?" Ray asked.

Sonic: Not really; you can't top being owned by a God Mode Stu, guys.

"Shadow, are you okay?" Bunnie asked.

Shadow didn't reply. He just kept staring into space. 'How is it possible? How could a being stronger than me have existed on Ark without me knowing about it? I need to find out...'

Kyo: Why don't you find the author and beat the answers out of him?
Sonic: Would you?
Kyo: *quietly laughs* Oh, I'll do a lot more than that.
Miyu: *sighs*

He stood up. He saw his chaos emerald on the counter next to him and picked it up.

Miyu: That will be $24.95, Shadow.

"Shadow, you should stay in bed," Doctor Quack said. But Shadow walked outside, as if he didn't even hear him.

Sonia: He really couldn't; he had a massive wax ball in those ears.

He walked outside and looked into the sky.

"Chaos Control!"

When the flash dissipated, Espio asked, "Where did he go?"

Sonic: Hope the answer was "out of this fic".

"Ze only place that he can find the answers he wants to know." Antoine replied

Amy: Yay, he did escape!
Jessie: Whoo, Shadow!

Shadow appeared on Ark. He looked around.

Miyu: Which was the only thing he could do, but hey.

So much had happened here, and he didn't even know about it.

Cassy: Like his birthday parties.

He walked inside. As he walked along the corridors, he thought about what he was looking for. "Where could Professor Gerald keep Dusk without me knowing it?"

Sonia: In a special capsule labeled, "What Authors Use to Create Mary Sues and Gary Stus."
Kyo: *as Shadow* I must destroy this... with extreme prejudice.

He eventually came upon the main laboratory. He walked in and looked at the capsule planted on the wall. "Here is where I was made," Shadow said, "but where..." Shadow stopped when he noticed a button beside the capsule. He pressed it, and suddenly, the capsule moved to the side, revealing a secret passage.

Amy: Once Shadow slid down the passage, he was in King Tut's tomb... oh, wait.

Shadow walked through the passage. When he came out, he entered a large room. Computers were all over, and in the center, there was another large capsule. Shadow walked slowly up to it, fearing the worst. On the base of the capsule was a dust-covered slate with letters engraved. When he wiped the dust away, he saw one word in bold print.

All: CRAP?

DUSK.

All: Oh.

Shadow backed up. "It's true. I'm not the ultimate life form..."

All: *flatly* What.

He walked up to one of the computers. It was still on.

Miyu: Wow, someone must've paid for their electric bill fifty years into the future...

He clicked the mouse, and a picture of Gerald Robotink appeared and began to speak.

Manic: He said, "Shadow, you suck." The tape then ended.

"Ha. Those fools are so busy trying to stop Project Shadow that they are blind to my real intention: Project Dusk. A creature so powerful that no army can stop it.

Sonic: Translation: Dusk shall be a boring, invincible git.

I will launch it down to Mobius as soon as it is awakened. Once there, it will hibernate and will not awaken unless Shadow fails to fulfill his duties. If that happens, Dusk will destroy everything!

Kyo: *as Gerald* Including the memories of the unlucky souls that have watched "Perfect Couples"!

But, I realize that a creature this powerful possesses the ability to revolt against me. So, I have a safeguard planned. I Dusk tries to attack me, Shadow will be able to destroy him."

Jessie: Wow, Dr. Gerald really has a limited vocabulary.

Shadow gasped when he heard this. "How is it possible? How can I destroy Dusk?" He then again turned his attention towards the computer.

Cassy: Do an ass pull! It's happened before!

"I guess it is incorrect to say that Dusk is the ultimate life form.

Sonia: Good.

He will possess incredible power his entire life, true. But Shadow has even greater power.

Sonic: And all is almost right in the world.
Miyu: Well, why not everything?
Kyo: Because Dusk exists.

The only problem is that he has to unlock it first. If he does, then Shadow will be able to defeat Dusk, and destroy the world!"

Manic: *pretending to malfunction* Destroy... destroy... destroy...

Then, the screen went blank.

Sonic: Just like my mind.

Shadow stared at the screen, absorbing what he just heard. "So I can beat him. But how?

Jessie: By going back in time and preventing the author from putting this crap on the Internet?
Miyu: One can only hope.

I guess I will need to train. I still have three days, maybe I have enough time."

Amy: Good! Then your training partner will be... Akuma! No, Shin Akuma! No... it's actually Oni!
Sonia: Also, if you're going to train against Evil Ryu... don't aim for the chest, because there's a hole in it. You'll whiff, and you'll look stupid.

Shadow then walked out the room, getting ready to train for his rematch with Dusk.

Manic: *hums the theme to "Rocky"*
Sonic: *as Mickey* Hit the meat, Shad!

Back on Mobius, everyone was getting ready for the assault.

Cassy: They've actually hired sniper chameleons.
Jessie: Nobody ever thinks about hiring me.
Cassy: Dude! You're in space!
Jessie: You think that's going to stop me, sweetie?

The entire king's army was congregating in front of the castle.

Sonia: They were allegedly playing Racko in the process.

The Freedom Fighters and the Chaotix were all grouped together, discussing what they would do "Here's how we are going to do this," Sally said, "When Dusk comes, Sonic, Knuckles and Tails will hold him back, using the chaos emeralds and power rings we collected. If they go down, the Freedom Fighters and the Chaotix will fight. If we lose, it's up to the army.

Miyu: Wait, why can't they just have the army go first, then the Freedom Fighters and Chaotix, and then Sonic, Tails, and Knuckles?
Jessie: Because that is logic. You know we can't have that.

And God help us if it comes to that."

Kyo: *as God* No. I shall not help you.

"It won't," Knuckles replied.

All: Oh, yes it will!

"What about Shadow?" Tails asked.

Jessie: We apologize, our dear Shadow has bailed. You're on your own, kid.

"When Shadow comes, he'll fight with you three."

Manic: Hopefully. See, you actually have to bribe the guy...

Mighty looked up into the sky. "Come on Shadow, you have to come..." he thought.

Sonia: We now cut to Shadow meditating under a waterfall.
Cassy: *as Shadow* J-j-j-jeez, this is c-c-c-cold...

Everyone in Knothole who couldn't fight was being evacuated.

Miyu: So why didn't they follow suit?
Amy: Because Dusk needs to own everyone. Thanks for asking, friend.

Sonic walked up to Sally. "Hey Sal, you all right?"

Sonic: She would be if there wasn't a nutty mass murderer coming, "Sonic".

"Yeah," she replied, "I'm fine. I mean, everything's fine, isn't it?" She then began to cry. "We've never had to evacuate Knothole before. Not like this. I'm afraid that we'll never be able to come back."

Manic: Spoiler alert: They probably won't.
Sonia: Manic!
Manic: Oh, you'd be pessimistic, too. Don't lie, sis.

Sonic embraced her and kissed her. "Come on Sal, everything is going to be fine."

All: No, it won't.

The Chaotix walked over to Knuckles, who sat on a rock, looking into the distance. "Hey Knux, you okay?" Vector asked.

"Of course. I'm just...thinking, you know, about the fight."

Kyo: *as Knuckles* I'm also worried that the Master Emerald will be slammed on my head somehow...

"Knuckles, you're going to beat that guy, you just have to believe in yourself." Julie-Su said, hugging Knuckles and kissing him on the cheek. The other Chaotix nodded in agreement.

Sonic: Also, you must open your heart.
Amy: *shifts eyes* Yep...

Knuckles replied, "Thanks, guys."

The fourth day. When everyone was evacuated, it was just The Freedom Fighters, The Chaotix, and the king's army.

Manic: *as Sally* Oh, crap! I mention "knights" and you give me chess pieces instead!

They were all tense, even though they still had another day. "We should probably get some rest. It's gonna be a big day tomorrow." Rotor said. They all agreed, and went to their huts. They all wondered about tomorrow and whether or not they would succeed.

Cassy: *gets up* Unfortunately, Dusk arrived that night and slaughtered everyone. The End, let's go.
Miyu: Cassidy...
Cassy: *sits back down* Fine. Alright, dude.

Far away, Dusk was thinking about the next day. "It is almost time. After I destroy the Kingdom of Acorn, I will go to the next region, and the next, until I wipe out all life on Mobius, just as Professor Gerald wanted!"

Sonia: Oh. So that's why he's doing that.
Jessie: It doesn't save the fic's skin, though.

Back on Ark, Shadow was training vigorously. "I have to beat him. I have to!"

Manic: Do it for the fangirls who want to bone you!

He stopped. "Why isn't anything happening? I've been training nonstop! And I don't seem to be making any progress!" he yelled as he punched the wall. "Dammit! Why aren't I strong enough?"

Miyu: No, Shadow. It's, "Why am I not strong enough?"
Sonic: Because you haven't been taking your steroids like ol' Dusky there.

He began punching the wall repeatedly. "Why? Why? Why? WHY?" All of the sudden, he was engulfed in a bright light. When it was gone, he looked at himself. "I...had no idea...I could do this. My emotions. That's what unlocks my power. But it isn't enough. I need to train more."

Amy: *as Rocky* 'Cause all I wanna do is go the distance!
Kyo: *as Rocky* Yo, Adrian!

Sonic woke up in the middle of the night and walked outside. Upon coming out, he noticed all of his friends were outside too. "Couldn't sleep?" Ray asked no one in particular.

Antoine answered with a question of his own. "How cood ve?"

"Well, we might as well stay up now. He's going to be coming soon," Tails added.

Sonia: Coffee/Energy drink hybrids, anyone?
Manic: Diet pills?
Sonic: *in a falsetto voice* Oh! Look what you did to my figure!

"Have to train harder. Have to...oh no. The fifth day. Lost track of time. I have to go. Hope I'm not to late..."

All: You probably are.

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Contunue to Part Three
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