Mystery Science Theater En Masse

Special Episode 2: Brewdening Love (Part One)

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Warning: This trollfic contains homophobia, xenophobia, anti-semitism, and constant bible thumping.

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Chapter One: Genesis

Jessie: Is it a book of the Bible, a rock band, or the game console? You make the call!

Erin: ok hello everyone I want to let you knwo that I'm the BIGGEST Twilight ever!

Sonic: How the heck is it possible for you to be bigger than the time of day?

I've read all the boks and seen da movie -OMFG isn't Cullin HAWT.

All: No, not really.

So hot.

Kyo: *ignites a flame* I'm hotter. Literally.

ok now iv writon a storie about wut wold happen id I were bella1

Sonia: *rolls her eyes* Yes, because that's an incredibly new concept.

Because shes a dirte bithc

Amy: Ah, the official language of Suethors... when they hate the canon girlfriend and it's not an alternate universe.
Sonic: Yeah, nothing shows your superiority by calling the canon girlfriend a "dirte bithc".

so i want you to see it and tel moi what you think!! So LOTS OF REVOWS PLZ!

Miyu: Chances are... it's not going to look good.

lov you God xoxoxoxo

Manic: Wow, somebody's trying to get their free ticket to Heaven punched quickly!

I hud to put my storie up hear

Cassy: Hear, hear!

becose the meenies at FF.net deleated it but I am glad the Jew and the Bird are gone and aint flaming me anymore

Sonic: Heh. Wait until she sees this "flaming", then.
Kyo: Maybe I should stick my sushi in a baguette and call it a day. Isn't that right, Miss Xenophobe?
Amy: Last I checked, Jesus was Jewish. Ah, racist hipocrisy.
Sonia: Looks like our Suethor is actually referring to two folks who actually criticized her work of... I can't call this art.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cassy: Look, there are way too many speed bumps here!

I walked into the room and HE waz siting over by the coner of my english class, prefectly sitting by the corner in a desk.

Sonia: I think those English classes aren't being put to good use.

I thought he was a god

Kyo: You know who else said that? Every girl with no imagination.

(Erin: not god God because I luv god and thats blamsphemi, so fuc off sinars)

Jessie: Oh, boy! I had a feeling that some odd bible thumper would go after me for the things that I've done in my life!
Manic: Which is?
Jessie: Let's see... contract assassinations, constant drinking, sleeping around with both sexes... mostly women, and maybe a dash of stripping.
Sonic: Whoa, that's a crapload of sin right there! No offense.
Kyo: Jess? This may be odd coming from me, but I think you may need to tone it down a little.
Jessie: Tone what down? The sleeping around?
Kyo: No, the killing.
Jessie: Wow, that is odd coming from you.

becoz he looked so darmn hot, like that guy who used to be on Smalvile befor he got fat so now I watch supernatural becoz fat man is always in my head now.

Amy: Huh? What the heck are you talking about?! Get back to the story!
Miyu: *pushes glasses up* You'd have to locate it first, Amy.

I giglied when he lookd at mwah and Edwards looked away seeming to snarlingly.

Sonia: Oh, dear heavens! I need a "My Immortal" to English dictionary here!

I flacked my long brown hare hoppping to git his atention.

Cassy: Yeah, everyone would notice that rabbit on your head.

I hav long brown hair that reatches my btomm, in a smooth long thing with a hairclip and such.

Sonic: Suepunzel, Suepunzel! Let down your hair!

I have hotr eyeliner with lots of blue mascara becoz it goes with moi eyes you see becoz they are blu.

Manic: No, I can't see text. Why do you ask?

and i'm wearing a loose wite blows with a cute leather belt and a long black skirt becoz its sexy but not whory and its a sin to be a whor tunles ur Mary Magdalin, but shes daed anyway.

Amy: We don't care what you're wearing... well, kind of.
Jessie: I'm feeling vindicated by this fic.
Cassy: You should, dude. I'd only be scared of my lifestyle if the author could spell correctly.

Edward looked back to me and loked away agin. It was rood and I farroed my brow confusedly at hymn,

Sonia, Amy, Miyu, Jessie, Cassy: Hallelujah!
Sonic, Manic, Kyo: Praise the Lord, baby!

but decided but hes sex-ah so Ill let him get away with it (The Lord teeches us to forgave).

Sonic: Look, if I wanted to hear about the Lord and stuff, I'd go to church. Thank you.
Miyu: Kyo can't go to one. He'll be smited as soon as he steps inside.
Kyo: Hey!

I walked over, with evry eye on the room on me because Im so darmn H-O-T

Kyo: Seriously, you've never crossed paths with me, huh?

(I've been told this mnay times so I know it is true(

Sonia: I hate to break this to you, but a page from the "Victoria's Secret" catalog doesn't count as a mirror.

and i sit on his desk and he looks up and has bronze eyes that are sexy in a brewding way

Amy: Holy horrible title drop, Batman!

(erin: FORSHADOWING!! He is brewdy but if you havnt reed the boks you'd already no that!)

Miyu: So we didn't have to read the books, then?
Manic: We never had to, anyway. People wouldn't shut up about them.

He looks up to me and I look dwn to him loking up to me. He then speaks, in a quiet brewding voice.

Cassy: Yeah, I think we got the fact that he's... "brewding". God.
Kyo: You're going to Hell, Kitty.
Cassy: And so are you. *points at Jessie* And so is she.
Jessie: Oh, bite my leather covered ass.

"Who are you?" he aks and why are you on my desk?

Sonic: And the world's worst lap dance begins.

So i winks at him and tell him he's cute, but then class starts and i sit down and watch him.

Miyu: So... you say it's a sin to do all this stuff, but you're just coming off as a meaner version of Jessie.
Jessie: Well, thanks, but -- hey...

He is so hot and I dcide want to be his boyfriend.

All: *snickering*
Manic: His... boyfriend?
Sonia: Wasn't homosexuality a "sin" or something? Ah, the glory of typos.

He looks at me and turns away agin.

Amy: And again... and again... and again.

!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jessie: We now introduce the world's longest wine opener!

So yeeeeeeeah thats my storie tell me what you hink with your revieows!

Cassy: Insert that stock "Riffing counts!" quote here.

so glad to have writing it i'm happi ass now!

Kyo: You're a happy ass? I guess that explains the smushed grammar, then.

GOD LOVES YOU ALL! XOXOXOXOXO! :3

Manic: You sure? Your messages are rather confusing.

Chapter 2 – Adem and Ev

Cassy: Holy crap, dude! If you're supposed know all about the Holy Bible, you would've spelled their names correctly!

Erin: This is mi second chapter, and no reviews. WTF?

Miyu: *adjusts her glasses* I think we know why nobody reviewed. Let's start with the horrid writing, shall we?

AShut up you stupid sinnr bitch - YOUR PATHETIC NOT MI.

Amy: Um, is she talking to herself?
Manic: Who knows?

Flaming mi as it is agenst Gods will,

Sonia: Is this a new commandment that we've just discovered? "Thou Shalt Not Flame Suethors"?

four peepole to hate is BAD.

Sonic: Okay, which four of us hates this?
Everyone else: *raises their hands*
Sonic: The seven of you? Look, I said four. I know the English is bad here, but we can't fail at simple math, guys.

And if you do tyou not be aloud in Heathen.

Kyo: I never wanted to insert my unmentionable into a heathen, anyway.
Miyu: Kyo...

So NO FLAMING, CHOOSE LOVE.

Cassy: Let's try this... I'd love it if you'd stop tormenting our eyes.

Anyway Edward is much <3 and so is you reedars.

Manic: Because a disabled truck engine equals love.
Amy: Wait a second... she said that nobody reviewed, but then she called out the people who gave hateful reviews... and--
Kyo: Your brain's gonna leak to the floor, Amy.

Thnx for reeding! also my carroter is named Joan in this not erin :3 xoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxo

Jessie: Well, I guess we don't need to read to find out the name, huh?

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All: Wipeout!

Edward dint speak to me for the rest of the clarse and he nevur looked at me agen.

Sonic, Manic, Kyo: *gets up*
Sonic: Good, the fic's ended! Let's go!
Manic: Awesome!
Kyo: Later!
Sonia, Amy, Miyu, Jessie, Cassy: Guys...
Sonic, Manic, Kyo: *grumbling as they sit back down*

I was abit sad but I new that God wood help me threw it.

Miyu: God is not a lumber man or a garbage man, ma'am.

I prey to Him that at the end of class Edward will talk to me. But Edward dint, so i gessed I didn't prey loud enoug.

Kyo: Nobody wants to hear you pray about getting into some guy's pants. And why the hell are you praying to the man upstairs for that, anyway?

It waz lunch tiem so I goed and sat buy miself and red the Bible (Erni: It can be a good reed smtimes).

Manic: Jeez, if we have any more Bible thumping, I might start bathing in Holy Water here.

I watched as Edwood

Amy: ...dressed in women's clothing again.

sat next to a groop of people that had the same looks as him. YOu know, all mystyrous and sex-ah. I wounded who they were

Cassy: *giggling wildly* Clones! They were all clones! Sexy clones... with red eyes... and aggressive in battle!
Miyu, Jessie: *moves away from Cassy*
Kyo: Do you need a drool bucket over there, Kitty?
Cassy: *purrs* Yes, please.
Kyo: *slides a bucket to Cassy* Like two peas in a pod... in looks only.

I watched them, they dint ate anythink but wern't annarexic loking so i felt more curious,

Sonic: Maybe today's lunch sucked beans.
Sonia: Hey, if you can get sick from eating a ham and cheese sandwich, you'd question your school's lunch program, too.

I wanned to go and talk to him agen.

Jessie: Then just do it!
Manic: Fail-ke!

I new he would like me because I am hot and a Crhistian.

Sonic: Yeah, no. Get out.

So i walk over and sit next to him. He looks angry but I dint care.

Sonia: Yes, you too can invade other people's personal space and not give a crap!

“Hi Iam Erin,

Amy: Hey, I thought her name was supposed to be Joan!
Miyu: It looks like he have an obvious case of self-insertion here.

I waz in Yore clarse this Mourning.” I say and they all star at me.

All: They don't care, you!

They were all dressed in Abbacromby and Filtch clothes, the girls in briggt colours and the boys in not bright colours but not dark either except edward who was in a sexi dark brwn hoodie and blak jeans. I suddenly knew they were a familt and I coulnt believe how hot the hole family are. Rosalie and Alice, the only girls, were perfect and hot like the veronicas but not emo and slutty.

Sonic: This just in: Nobody cares.
Amy: It's been a while since you said that, huh?
Sonic: No kidding, Ames.

(If it wasn’t agenst my religion to be homo, I would say they were sexah)

Jessie: Ah, our "lovely" homophobe continues her hateful rants!

Then there was Japper, who was too kute and made me fell so clam wen I looked at hymn and he look like Matt Thiessen.

All: Who?

Emmett was bigger than eny bodybuilder I had ever seen befour

Miyu: *pushes glasses up* I am fully inclined to believe that she has never seen Arnold Schwarzenegger before.
Everyone else: ...
Miyu: In his prime, fellow riffers.
Everyone else: Oh!

and look like Jon Cooper from Skillet.

Kyo: Jeez, who are these people?!

But no one could compet with Edward. He was the Hottest by far and

Cassy: And wait until he takes his shirt off! There's so much hair that you'd have to take a weed whacker to his chest!

loocked like Joel Bruyere (,3<3<3,#<#!)

Amy: I love pound signs and Tic-Tac-Toe boards, too!

“Why are you sitting here?” Edward asked all growly like. I smile at hymn becoz it seemd a good growl.

Sonic: *stands on his seat* And He said that it was a good growl! Raise your hands to praise Him!
Sonia: Would you sit down, Sonic?
Sonic: *sits back down* Oh, relax, sis.

“Because I want to get to now you, silly. My nam is Joan St. Sanctuary Louisa-Smithe.

Cassy: Dumbest surnames ever.

You're hot and i lik you a fuckload” I replied, fluckering my eyelids in a sexy wey.

Manic: I didn't know that good Christian girls were imitations of Jessie.
Jessie: Hey, I can flirt a lot better than that, Manic!
Cassy: And our curse continues... we just drag somebody to Hell with us.
Kyo: Tch. That Sue's on her own, Kitty.

"I'm Edward Cullen." He said not happily.

Miyu: And who can blame him, really?

Edward dint look impressed but I new he wood liek me soon.

Sonic: And then Mudkip smacked her in the face with a pointy two-by-four.

He might of already aktuly. He smelled but then he hiden it with scowl and then

Cassy: ...he took a desperately needed shower.

they all looked at eachuher for like a minute akwardish like last year when my sis lied that she was gay to evryone and had to go to camp

Miyu: What the heck was in that sentence?
Amy: Something about her sister lying about being gay, I think.
Jessie: Angie wouldn't lie about it... well... that's because she is a lesbian. Never mind.
Miyu: Who's Angie?
Jessie: My younger sister.
Miyu: Oh.

“C’mon, lets go.” He said to his family and they all left. I was left sitting at the table.

Manic: *woodenly* Oh, poor you.

I dint get why he dint want to now mi. I wandered if their was something wrong with me and thats why he dint like me.

Sonia: Maybe it has to do with the fact that you're... I don't know... a stalker.

It was time to go to biology so I leave and go there.

Cassy: It can't get any more thrilling than this, huh?

Edward was in Biology too. He was sutting buy himself at a table.

Cassy: You see? It's thrilling!

I walk over in a sexah wey and sit next to him, winning at him.

Kyo: Run! She's doing the un-sexy Chicken Dance!

He looked mad at me, i dint no why but ten he didn't look too made anymore.

Miyu: I am now inclined to believe that he has been fully warped to fit the mold of this fanfiction.

I had been freindly the hole time an mabye it was werking.

Manic: Or maybe he's smiling because he has an actual human to kill after school.

The teacher started to talk so I listened to him,

Sonic: ...half-heartedly.

Edward was still staring at me madly agin but fuck him he'll come arond becoz I love him.

Jessie: Yes, nothing proves your love like stalking somebody!
Sonia: And nothing proves it further like a restraining order!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cassy: Did you know that each knuckle represents thirty-one days in their month?
Miyu: Of course... if you have about thirty-five months in that year, Cassidy.

SOOOOOOOOOO HOW THAT?! betta I think i'm getting into this quit alot becoz twillielight is an orsum.

Jessie: It's an orgasm? What the hell did she just say?

I love Edward and the Krillians,

Amy: And "Dragon Ball Z"!

even Jacob and them.

Kyo: But since they're not pasty white, screw them.

Thankx for roding and plz review to tle me what you thank!!1111 <3<3<3 xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Sonic: And watch God correct all of the spelling errors. But since He's not here...
Everyone except Sonia: *looks at Sonia*
Sonia: What? Oh, like you all wouldn't go on a correcting spree.

Chapter 3: Collisions

Miyu: Oh, darn. She only had to remove one measly letter to have a properly spelled word.

OMG STOP FLAMIG ME YOU NOT NICE PEOPLE! FUK OOFF!

Sonic: Look, I'll treat you to a shopping spree at Hot Topic if you can just calm down.

ffs you people suck - if you do noy have anythin god to say, DO NOT SAY IT!!11111

Kyo: Oh, you do not want to talk to me.

No 1 wants to b a sinnar so spred LOV for fuks sayk!

Jessie: Speak for yourself, sweetie.

it's better. n-e-way this is the third chapter, and I'm reely getting into it now.

Sonia: Nobody ever gets into pressing that spellcheck button. Must be a dying trend.

Please evry1 leave NICE REVIWS.

All: No.

Also I'm uysing a new devida up the top of da page because FF doesn't like ~ or my luv hearts >: ( xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Cassy: That piece of crap fic site never liked anything. You're not alone on that.

/||/||/||/||/||/||/||/||/||/||/||/||/||/||/||/||/||/||/||/||/||/||/||/||/||/||/||/||/||/|| (These are ANGLE WINGS :3)

Sonia: Well, they are angles...
Sonic: Rouge Angles of Satin.
Amy: They look more like awkwardly placed mozzarella sticks to me.
Miyu: *pushes glasses up* Oh, my. I'm now hungry... and I also believe that they're greater than or equal to signs written sideways.

Biologee went on for a while but then it ended.

Cassy: Next up? It's life.
Manic: Wow, Cass.

There was another class but Ed wasnt in it so it don't matter and then the day was ovar.

Manic: Well, at least it cuts down on the filler, I guess.

I waited for him after class, and my friend Jenny Donna came up to me.

Sonic: *shrugs* I guess it's better than... Sakura Hikari.

(Erni - ok yeah Blla moved to Forks recently in the bok but in my versin I've bin here a while, like for 2 months but it was summa holidays so thats why I havn't seen the Cullings b4 now but no sum1 OK?1?)

Amy: That would have been nice... if you had said that in the beginning of the story!

"Hey girl how r u?" I ran up and hugged her tightly. She smiled happily at me.

Kyo: But deep inside, the Sue was hurting... plotting to murder her "friend" in cold blood.

Jenne was wearing a blu hoodie with a cute pink bunneh on it, and a long pink skirt and she uis also a blone with similar hair to mine, in a long straight doo. She looks like the leed from Evanescence, but with putple makeup and mascara and Christan.

Cassy: Cool story, dude.

"Hey grl how are you! I haven;t seen you for like a week." She enquieered happily.

Sonia: *as Erin/Joan* Yeah, homework and community service can sure take up a lot of time.

"Yah hey girl, sorryt. about that. I saw this major hotty in class today, his name is Edwerd Collin.

Miyu: Yes, no relation to Edward Cullen! He's probably even more sparkly!

You've been here a lot longe than moi so wut do you know of hymn and hys familiy?"

Sonic: *in a church choir uniform* I know that they love to stand up and...
Kyo: *also in a church choir uniform* Praise Him?
Sonic: Yes, my brother!
Kyo: Hallelujah!

"Well their REEEEALY secretive and stuff and unlike any click you May of seen at your old school. They are real broding and misterious, but UBAH hot. I like Emmet a lot." She admited errotically.

Jessie: Is she a phone sex operator? Must be her first day.
Cassy: You sound like you were one.
Jessie: *clears her throat* I was, during a contract. The script that I had to work with sucked.

"Ya he's ok but I like Edward and I think he liks me.

Amy: No, he doesn't want to lick you.
Manic: He doesn't even want to lick himself.
Amy: Eww.

He smiled at me but it was almost sif he caldn be with me for sum reeson.

Cassy: Yeah, it sucks being on the other end of the stalking stick... right, Eddie?

So then what do you no then, I'd like to meat him?" I told.

Manic: Let's meet the meat, guys!

"O well he lives in the mountain I herd.

Sonia: And so do the buffalo.

He is also ovah there and ALONE! Go girl, go!"

Amy: Do we have security cameras installed in the fic or something? What is this?

I looked to where she was pointing and then I smelled at her and ron to him.

Jessie: You know, all of this smelling stuff is getting very creepy.

He was leaving bi the main entrance when I had bean silly enough to leave by the side!

Sonic: We apologize. Apparently, you're not psychic enough to be a hugely coincidental Mary Sue in your own damn fic.

He looked over to me as if he cold smill cumming for him.

Kyo: And with those last three words, I'm going to take a shower.
Manic: How long will your shower be?
Kyo: Oh, around... forever.

He smiled, but then stopped and scowed at me, but I didn't mind because he's actually more sexah when he scrows.

Sonia: What in the heck does "scrows" mean?
Kyo: I don't know, but if you think about it... it's kind of close to the word scro--
Miyu: Hey!

"Hey Edword how are you. You look even sexiah in the sunlight." I said, admiring his pale skin.

Amy: And then you throw him even further into the light, and then it's "Saturday Night Fever" time, baby!

It was like a Jap Geisha/Goth, except normal at the same time and really relaly hot.

Kyo: Cassy?
Cassy: Yeah?
Kyo: Are you thinking about beating the tar out of the author for writing that?
Cassy: Of course. I'll do the cutting. You can burn the evidence.
Kyo: Deal.

"NO JOANE DON'T CUM NEAR MI!" He screemd and ran away.

Manic: Hell, I wouldn't want her to... let herself go anywhere.
Sonic: I knew it! I knew that all of that sparkling turned him into a whiny doofus!
Sonia: Which meant that nothing has changed at all.

I ran after him yelling at him to stop and we went into the car park.

Sonia: Now with bumper cars!

He leapt up onto a car all althetically and dissapaered into bushes behind the car.

Jessie: Actually, he's using a cloaking device.

I frowned and felt sad.

All: Who cares?

Maybe I had been ron about hymn liking me which was not happi at all.

Sonic: *stands up* But then the system known as "karma" was nearly set to hit her!
Kyo: *also stands up* God don't like ugly, and you're a part of it!
Sonia: Are you two ever going to remove those uniforms?
Sonic, Kyo: *sits down* Nope.
Sonic: Well, until we start making that smorgasbord. But until then, it's no.
Sonia: Hmph. Where did you get them, anyway?
Kyo: Plot device. Don't worry about it, Sonia.

But then I heard a noise, like a bus comming towards me.

Amy: Tyler returns to finish the job!

I looked around and saw...................................................................................A BIG BUS CUMING AT ME!1111

Jessie: Good. Maybe the stupid fic'll end now.

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Manic: That's a very unique way to write a bunch of ones, you know that?

OH NO THATS NOT GOOD!

Miyu: *adjusts glasses* It's good to us.

Well you'll hav to see what happens in the next chapta.

All: We already know!

thank you for reeding this and the character od Jenny is actually based on my freind Jenny, so LOVE YOU GIRL!1

Jessie: Aren't self-inserts fun?
Cassy: I don't think my friends would like it if they were in my stories.
Kyo: What friends?
Cassy: *flatly* Ha-ha. Very funny.

Anyway thnks again and please leave good reviews.

All: No.

GOD LOVES YOU ALL! :3

Sonia: I guess He can hold off on smiting Harold Camping now.

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