Mystery Science Theater En Masse

Special Episode 4: Kusanagi's Wrath (Part Five)

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Warning: You have rached Part Five of this riffing, which contains strong language and excessive violence. Proceed with caution.

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~Chapter Fourteen: Kyo's Insane Rampage~

Kyo L.: Guess that chapter title applies to me, then.
Kyo K.: And I guess I don't need to read it since I know what's gonna happen!
Emi: It's just one more chapter, Master Kyo.
Kyo K.: Yes, and that equals ten more minutes of my life that I'm never going to get back.

*One month later*

Keiko: ...we still don't know what month it is. Care to give us a hint, author with the blank calendar?
Benimaru: Pretend that it's September.
Keiko: Why?
Benimaru: Well, Chapter Nine mentioned "a hot summer night", and July and August kind of battle for the hottest month of the year. So...
Keiko: Yeah, I guess I'll go with that.

"Ah, a new school year! Aren't you excited about this, Master Kyo?" is what Shingo asked in his usual high-spirited voice.

"No." the Kusanagi heir answered in a very dull and lifeless tone.

Cassy: Well, Kusanagi's succeeded; he's replaced the poor sap... without killin' 'im.

"Kyo-chan... you're still upset about that incident with Kusanagi, aren't you?" Emi asked in a state of concern.

All except Kyo K.: ...
Benimaru: *facepalms while sighing heavily*
Kyo K.: *spouts angry gibberish*
Miyu: *pushes glasses up* And as of that sentence, Joan suddenly gained the old Emi's IQ points. Sources say that she gained two, giving the "Brewdening Love" resident a total of... oh, my... the quotient's still in the negatives, I'm afraid.

"What the fuck do you think?!" he snapped at the young heiress, she immediately frowned and turned her head away.

"Sorry... it's just that... every time we encounter him, something always has to happen to you..."

Jessie: *mutters* Yeah, how convenient. Damn Damsel Sues.

"It's just another sign that we have to train harder, that's all.

Kyo L.: The fail in that sentence is extremely immense.

Come on, Miss Tsuki. We have to join Miyuki-chan for class now." Shingo said, politely tugging at the girl's arm.

"Okay. I'll see you later, darling. Take it easy, okay?" Emi said as she gave her master/lover a quick kiss on the lips before leaving with the young fanboy.

Keiko: Yeah, I read the chapter title; he's not taking any crap "easily". Come on; it's been a month, and he's still stewing in his pissed off juices.
Cassy: Yeah, he's mad. Really sodium filled, dude.

"I'll try my best..." the Kusanagi heir said in a small whisper before taking a seat in his first hour class next to Benimaru. This time, the narcissist's hair wasn't standing on end... he only let it down so he wouldn't block his classmates' view whenever they had to look at the board.

Jessie: Is that really attractive, darling?
Benimaru: Of course. I'm always attractive, Miss Jessica.
Jessie: *blushes a little* Oh, now that's a given.
Everyone else: Do that stuff after the riffing, you horny people!
Jessie, Benimaru: *scoffs* You're just jealous.

"Kyo, you're finally here! Seems that you've recovered from your injuries, eh?"

Emi: In a month? I'd like to have broken limbs heal in a month.
Kyo K.: You're asking a sixteen year old Suethor to do research? Are you mad, Emi?
Emi: *plays with the Kyo K. marionette* Maybe I am, Master Kyo...
Kyo K.: *quickly scoots away from Emi* Agh, that thing again...!

"Yeah... but that fucker gave me some wounds that won't heal for a while."

"Hey, don't worry about it. He's just trying to snip those wires in your head. Just try not to let that stuff get to you, alright?"

All: *points to the chapter title*
Cassy: I hope this doom is delicious.
Kyo L.: And this was said by the kooky morbid cat.

"Okay."

"All I'm saying is that you should take it slow, just enjoy the day."

The heir simply nodded and tried to listen to the boring "Welcome back to school!" speech. Yep, he'd hear that stuff all day, and it would certainly drive him nuts.

Keiko: I'm going nuts. Where's the part where he starts to lose it, huh?
Miyu: *points* Yeah... it's in the next line.

"Kyo... you worthless piece of shit... you've failed in everything that you've done. How can you possibly defeat me?"

The Kusanagi heir simply grunted and held his head in his hands.

Jessie: And Dusk transcends astral planes.
Kyo L.: Seriously, if that guy inhabited my mind... I'd kill his ghost.
Jessie: Says the guy who derided me for trying to kill one.
Kyo L.: Hey, hey, hey... shut up.

"Kyo? You alright?" Benimaru asked, looking at his troubled friend.

"Yeah... it's just a small headache... it'll go away."

"Okay, if you say so..." the narcissist said as he resumed his deep concern for the young heir.

'I'm keeping a close eye on him... it looks like he could snap at any moment.'

Emi: Like right now. *breaks a stick of pocky with her teeth* Snap.
Cassy: I really like your creepiness, dude.

Now Kyo's thoughts were running rampant, ready to consume him...

"Remember this lovely sight...?"

Keiko: Is it the end of this fic? 'Cause that's a lovely sight, too.

He knew it was Kusanagi's twisted, sick voice... and multiple images of Emi being raped by the clone that Keiko murdered flashed right before his eyes.

All: Oh, crap.

"Fuck..." the heir mumbled and clenched his teeth, trying his best not to scream or cry out. Instead, he simply raised his hand.

"Um, may I be excused to go to the bathroom, sensei?"

"All right, Kusanagi. But don't you start looking for your girlfriend, alright?"

"Fine." Kyo sighed and left the room with the hall pass in his hand.

Kyo K.: America!
Everyone else: Fuck no!
Kyo K.: Well, that backfired horribly.

As he began to walk through the halls, various negative images kept flashing through his mind.

Kyo L.: Like Kathryn getting away with her bitchassness.
Cassy: *sputters* No, dude!

'Why won't they leave...?' the young heir thought as he entered the bathroom, standing over one of the sinks and started to splash cold water on his face. After that, he carefully looked at himself in the mirror.

Miyu: *singing* I'm starting with the man in the mirror...
Benimaru: *snickers*

"Jeez, I'm a fuckin' wreck..." he muttered as he looked closer into his image... then he began to see a certain someone...

Jessie: ...his tax advisor. How much yen do you owe, sir?!

"Kusanagi... this better not be a damn joke..."

All: It is.
Keiko: You fool... him, not you, Kusanagi.
Kyo K.: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I got it.

"Oh no, Kyo... jokes are cruel... and the truth is a lot worse.

Cassy: Hence the said deliciousness.

Guess you're thinking about the time that your slutty girl was fucked, huh?"

Emi: *irritated* How many times do I have to tell that you're the horny thing who... oh, forget it.

"You! Just get out of my head! Go away!"

Kyo L.: *pulls a piece of paper out of his jacket pocket* Oh, here we go!
Miyu: What are you doing, Kyo?
Kyo L.: Digging up the past. *reads from the paper* Julia Austin said, "We want you to be inside of our heads." I replied with, "Ask a certain Kusanagi member about that stuff, and then come back to us." *tosses the paper away, licks his lips* Yes... it's certainly time for me to experience the crazy with friends now!
Miyu: You hit "crazy" the moment you licked your lips.

"Heh... I'm enjoying every lovely second of this... seeing you in this state like the pathetic piece of worthless shit that you are. Admit it, Kyo... you're better off being in heaven right at this very moment!"

Emi: *still playing with the Kyo K. marionette* And then Master Kyo became the shadow's little puppet.
Kyo K.: I'm afraid to ask this question, but... when'd you get that thing to look like me, Emi?
Emi: Practice makes perfect, Master Kyo.
Kyo K.: *muttering* Yeah, if only you could put that silly puppet effort into your training...
Emi: *gives Kyo K. a stern look* That's very hypocritical, Master Kyo.
Kyo K.: Hey!
Emi: Anyway, I believe that Miss Morgan is enjoying this in some manner. Am I correct?
Cassy: Oh, I'm so giddy, man. Bring on the blood!
Miyu: No, no blood, please. I don't want it on the carpets.

"Lies... they're all lies..." Kyo whispered, then he clenched his fists, and they began to glow with flames.

Jessie: Please don't tell me that he's going to smash that mirror. Do you know how many glass bits we'll have to deal with if that stuff happens?

"THEY'RE ALL FUCKING LIES!!!" the heir screamed as he launched a deadly blow to the mirror, shattering it into thousands of pieces, the bits of the glass that flew left cuts on his face, and his right trademark glove suffered a few tears from the impact, causing some really nasty cuts to his fist.

Jessie: See? Enjoy your cleaning.
Benimaru: Well, damn! For some reason, this makes me want to go home and punch my television open!
Jessie: Don't you have to be angry to do that?
Benimaru: You don't want to see me angry... if I ever get that way, of course.

"KUSANAGI!!! ONE OF THESE DAYS, I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU!!!" Kyo roared as he growled and abruptly left the bathroom. And as soon as he did that, he came face to face with Benimaru.

"Beni... what the hell do you want?"

Keiko: He has your sanity in a little paper bag, you nut.

"Sensei sent me to go check on you. He just wanted to make sure that you were okay."

Emi: *still playing with the Kyo K. marionette* There's no way that he's "okay". It's only a matter of time before those little strings of his are cut.
Kyo L.: Damn, you really are a creepy little thing. I'd so pick you up if I wasn't dating Miyu and you were a cute little vixen.
Miyu: *stares at Kyo L. while her left hand is glowing with purple energy* I think I need to tame you tonight, Kyo.
Kyo L.: *gives an excited growl* Ooh, kinky!
Jessie, Benimaru: Blasted hypocrites.

"I'm fine."

"Sure don't look like it. You've got cuts all over your face... and is that your blood on the floor?"

Miyu: No, it's ketchup. What the heck do you think, you blasted ninny?

"I said I'm fine, damn it." Kyo growled, causing Benimaru to frown slightly and shrug.

"Okay, if you say so... come on, let's head back to class. At least we're not doing anything, seeing that it's the first day of school and all. Just rest, alright?"

Cassy: I declare that action "impossible"... just like when we told Kate Gosselin to get a real job and she still didn't go away. Impossible.

"Fine." the heir mumbled as the two re-entered the room. As Kyo's blood stained the floor, one of his classmates was about to say something, but he was immediately silenced by the heir's threat of flames that were emitting from his fists.

Keiko: So... they didn't bother to stop at the infirmary to get that bleeding hand patched up, huh?
Kyo K.: It's nice that you're still using your head, Tsukino... but you may want to switch it off. *points to the other six riffers* Those horny and crazy ninnies sure did.
Keiko: Hmph. I thought it was because we're almost done here.
Kyo K.: Yeah, you can say that as well.

Now there were more images playing through his mind...

Kyo K.: They were from the Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian sex tapes.
Benimaru: As sad as this will sound... that's a hell of a lot better than the rape images that your pansy counterpart's getting.

"Get out of my head! Stop controlling me!"

"That's right, Kyo... express your pure hatred for me as I unleash my wrath! Feel what I'm about to give to you, to make sure that you'll NEVER prevail!!"

Kyo L.: *as Kazuya Mishima* Give in to the anger! Hate me! Curse me! *laughs psychotically* Rise! Kazama Jin!
Emi: *cuts the Kyo K. marionette strings with a pair of scissors* It looks like the shadow is going to release his puppet for the time being.
Jessie: Emi, darling... are you sure that you're an innocent person?
Emi: *gives a mischievous grin* Maybe you'd like to discover that answer by yourself now, Miss Baxter.
Jessie: *cringes* Normally, that would turn me on... but the way you said that suddenly made me want to become a nun or something.

"I'LL KILL YOU! GET OUT OF MY HEAD...YOU FUCKER!!" Kyo cried out as more blood began to spill to the floor, then he began to slump to the ground, screaming in pure agony and rage, untamed flames were consuming his body, then all was silent as the flames died down, and he lost consciousness.

Benimaru: Hey, great shouting job, Kyo. Unfortunately, you should've put more feeling in that voice. Oh, and you forgot to project it to the class.
Kyo K.: You should've been heard, understood, and pleasing. You were clearly heard, but we didn't understand you... and you certainly weren't pleasing. As a matter of fact, I think you blew out my damn eardrums.
Cassy: Hey, I don't care about that; it was freakin' bloody awesome to me.
Miyu: *pushes glasses up* Yes, I figured as much, Cassidy.

The last scrap of sanity that was in the mind of Kyo Kusanagi has finally snapped and faded away.

Emi: *looks at the Kyo K. marionette* I believe that was obvious. Um... did I go a little insane earlier?
Everyone else: *nods*
Emi: Oh, dear.
Cassy: Can you go back to that? You were so awesome in it.
Miyu: *elbows Cassy* Ignore her, Emiko.
Cassy: *rubs her arm* Ow, dude!

"Oh my god! Kyo!" Athena cried out as she rushed to the front of the room, aiding Benimaru in the process.

"Kusanagi must've caused him to go insane..." the narcissist mumbled as he began to pick up his now unconscious friend.

Jessie: What the hell was your first clue?
Benimaru: No wonder my fic self's still in school... hey, hey, hey, wait a minute! I'm a year older than he is! Why am I still there?!
Jessie: Suethors don't do research. You should've remembered that fact, sweetie.

"Athena-chan... come with me. Sensei, I apologize for this... weird show that has just happened." he continued as he left.

"Nikaido-san... what's wrong with Kyo?" the young psychic girl asked.

Kyo L.: If he spills the beans... oh, never mind. *places his "Pyromaniacal Dumbass" dunce cap on his head*

"Well... I'm not supposed to tell anyone about this...

Keiko: So... don't!

but he recently found out that Kusanagi was back, and the clone did a whole bunch of crazy crap... he nearly killed him twice

Emi: That is true... but Kusanagi tried to kill him at least five times!
Kyo K.: Really?
Emi: Yes; Chapters Eight, Twelve, and Thirteen have your fic self being beaten up, and Chapters Twelve and Fourteen should've killed... "you".
Kyo K.: Well, the power of stupidity can certainly save your skin.

and tried to murder Emi and Miyuki by sending them down thirty stories to their death." Benimaru answered.

"Oh, my."

Cassy: That's the only reaction that you can have? Really?
Miyu: *adjusts glasses* A mannequin has better expressions than that. And that's saying one heck of a lot.

"Yep. All we know for sure is..." the narcissist said and trailed off a bit as he looked at Kyo's body resting on the bed in the health room.

Kyo L.: Crap, I think he died.
Kyo K.: Oh, well; I still have my clones... unfortunately.

"It's not over yet. We still have a long way to go before we can finally rest. This is the last time that he'll get away with this!"

Jessie: *as Benimaru* For I am... Super Narcissism Man!
Benimaru: *looks at Jessie* Re... what? I'm going to forget that you ever said that so I can focus on something more... pleasant.
Jessie: Well, then.
Everyone else: Jeez, just get out and do it already!
Jessie, Benimaru: *points at Kyo L. and Miyu* Says the horny hypocrites!
Kyo L., Miyu: At least we're an actual couple!
Cassy, Kyo K., Emi, Keiko: *slowly walks away*
Kyo K.: Hey, dinner's on me. What do you say, girls?
Cassy, Emi, Keiko: Yeah, sure! Go!

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