Mystery Science Theater En Masse

Special Episode 6: Outcast Saga Lost in Sailor Moon World (Part One)

--

Hi this is Benji Himura. I am now starting a new fanfic. Is a Sailor moon story.

Kyo K.: Yeah, I think we can figure that out since we pulled this out of the Sailor Moon section.

I don't own Sailor moon or any of the characters. Some anime or manga characters might show up in the story I also don't own then.

Axl: ...thank goodness.

I own Benji Himura and others characters that will show up in the story.

Benimaru: "I own Benji Himura," says Benji Himura. Yeah, we're definitely not reading a self-insert story here.

It might be violence and sex in the story so if you are underage of seventeen are warned the content might be too improper to your age. Read by your own will and risk. In anyway enjoy the story.

Signed: Benji Himura.

Rory: Who owns... Benji Himura. My mind's already trying to explode here.
Kyo L.: Yeah, don't think about that too much.

This story happens after the Stars saga. Most of the senshis are in the college. Hotaru is on the high school. She has 18 years old.

Miyu: *adjusts glasses* Yes, I'm sure that they do this thing that's called "aging", I believe.
Manic: Man, that sarcasm's really rubbing off on you, huh?
Miyu: I have learned from the best, Manic.

If you dislike changes in things that people call CANNON then it is better stop reading here.

All: *chuckles*
Sonia: You think that's going to stop us? We're riffing this for a reason.
Rory: I love how he's already throwing a tantrum. "You people and your canon!"

If you dislike Self-Inserted fics then stop reading here. If you dislike both then don't read from me.

Kyo K.: I'm sorry, what? Did I just hear a "Don't like, don't read!" whine? Do you know what that translates to over here?
Kyo L.: Riff it 'til there's nothing left?
Kyo K.: Bingo, Fox Clone.

If you like both or you want to see what I will do then I welcome you to read my fic. And please if you are a purist fan and think that I ruined the story save the harsh comments for yourself.

All: Oh, boy...
Manic: Yeah, how dare you people use those things that you call critiques!
Rory: *ties a bib around his neck, gets out a plate, fork, and knife* I want to know one thing.
Sonia: What is it, Rory?
Rory: Do really bad fanfics taste like ham?
Manic: They taste like something, but it ain't ham.
Rory: *removes the bib* Aw, nuts.

I don't mind being flamed but just say that you disliked. If you send a harsh flaming review I might send a harsh answer.

Miyu: Oh, so one of the Kyos wrote this?
Kyo L., Kyo K.: Uh, no!

If you just disliked and review saying me so it is fine. I can't please everyone. But please don't do as few reviews that I had and send harsh reviews that are basically the same one almost crucifying me. I could say name but I won't. If you want to know who just see my reviews. They are still there.

Benimaru: *as the author* I won't name names, but I will clearly point to those names that are in the reviews! *normal voice* Classy. Real classy.

Any review is welcome. But please when writing think if you would like to get an answer with harsh words if you use harsh words. And by harsh I mean cursing, name calling or even saying things about me or someone else that you don't know. Advices, constructive critics, comments about the story or characters, pointing mistakes in spelling, asking for pre-read and questions that I can answer with out giving any secret of the story, will be welcomed. Flames will be read and answered as civil as possible. But remember I also can lose my temper and send a flaming answer.

Axl: Well, get the fire extinguisher when you get another flame.

"Text" Talked or thought sentences.

(Text) Talked sentences in a foreign language. As English when everyone else speaks Japanese.

;Text; Title of the scene song.

:Translations of a sentence in a language that isn't English, and small observations during the story:

Sonia: Okay, how old is this fic?
Manic: Says that it was published in 2005, sis.
Sonia: I see. Also... will we have to riff that author's note for every chapter?
Kyo L.: Nope. Riffing on it once was more than enough.

Prologue.

Vitória, Espirito Santo, Brazil January 27, 2005

Rory: 2005. Uh-huh.
Benimaru: I feel like I've been riffing on nothing but self-insert fics lately. Can I get a change of pace for once?
Kyo K.: Heh... nope.

I open my eyes not much happy in leaving my nice and comfortable dreams.

Miyu: *adjusts glasses* Oh, we do not need to know about those dreams.
Axl: *snickers*

But the brightness of my room doesn't let me sleep. I found one of my bandanas on the floor next to me as it has been by the past week. I consider in using that bandana again as a blindfold. I grab it but I give up on sleeping.

Manic: Man, how cruel. He had to get up and stuff!

I sit in floor. My room is too hot. I even folded my futon to sleep in the bare wood floor to avoid the intense heat of the Brazilian summer.

Rory: Huh? Summer? In January?
Miyu: Yes, Rory. Since Brazil lies in the Southern Hemisphere, they have summer in January while we have winter.
Rory: Oh.

I toss my sheet over the folded futon. I tie the bandana around my neck to use it later. I run my fingers by my hair. As usual it is a tangled mess. Since I cutted it few months ago I wake with my hair looking like some horrible mess. Always happened when I let my hair short. I grab a clean white t-shirt and open the door and move to the bathroom. I finish putting on the shirt and I grab a brush and begin to tame my hair in a less troublesome style.

Benimaru: *sighs, begins reading the news on his tablet*
Kyo K.: *groans, tilts his head back* Who cares? Seriously, who cares?
Kyo L.: Uh, can we hurry this up and get to the damn plot? I'm not in the mood to look at nothing.

I look in the mirror. I need to shave again. Have been two weeks. I brush my free hand against my chin. I am Benji Himura.

Axl: And I am bored. Nice to meet you.
Manic: *shakes Axl's hand* Hi, bored! I'm Manic!
Axl: *as he shakes Manic's hand* Oh, I'd expect this from Rory.
Sonia: Well, this is jarring. We have all of this useless filler, and then he suddenly introduces himself?
Kyo K.: Yeah, this is going to be a fun fic, Sonia.

I am an average Brazilian man. I have twenty one years old.

Sonia: "Average"... which will probably translate to "hottest man ever" in this fic.
Miyu: Ah, so that's why we have the occasional English errors present here. It must not be his first language.
Benimaru: That's going to be the least of our problems here, Miyu.

My mother is half Japanese and half Brazilian. My father is part Arab and part Brazilian.

Kyo L.: So, that's... what, half Brazilian at most?
Miyu: *as she pushes her glasses up* Yes, if we assume that his father is half of each.
Kyo L.: If his surname's Himura, then it sounds like he got the name from his mother.
Miyu: That is entirely possible, yes. Some people do get their surnames from their mothers.

I am tall and well build.

Rory: Are you sure?
Sonia: Rory!
Manic: Well, it's a self-insert from the Pit. You know... "unleash your imagination"!
Sonia: Manic!
Manic: Okay, okay, sorry!

I have a natural tan that I acquired living under the tropical sun for twenty one years. My black hair reaches the base of my neck.

Kyo K.: And I'm supposed to care about this... why?
Miyu: Because you're supposed to, Mr. Kusanagi.

I have light brown eyes and an attractive face. At least I like it. And my friends too.

Sonia, Miyu: Oh, boy...
Manic, Axl, Rory: Oh...! *laughs*
Kyo L.: Yeah, that's a funny joke. Ever heard of "Show, don't tell"?
Benimaru: *looks at Kyo K.* Yeah. This is going to be a fun one.
Kyo K.: You're telling me, Beni.

After comb my hair I tie the bandana over it. Is too hot and I know that in few hours that bandana will be soaked.

Miyu: Are you made of ice?
Axl: *as he's creating a few ice cubes* Huh? What?
Miyu: Not you, Axl...

I look to myself. With the white t-shirt and a dark blue shorts. I don't use pajamas. Just the shorts are good. A loud feline cry takes me from my thoughts. Lek a large black cat is waiting for the morning food.

Rory: That's not Cassy, is it?
Manic: Can you imagine a black cat in Gothic Lolita clothing sitting in Brazil?
Rory: Cassy could do that, so probably, yeah.

As I walk to the kitchen Merle, Lek's mother a large Siamese cat join the line. Spike the father of Lek is nowhere to be seen.

Kyo K.: Screw this, I'm going to sleep. Let me know when we get somewhere, huh?
Kyo L.: *shrugs* Fine, whatever. Also... what do the cats have to do with anything?
Sonia: Padding. Also, this is Sailor Moon. Maybe those cats mean something.

But being a ninja cat as he is I am not surprised. I place food in the three plates belonging to the feline trio and get myself some water. As usual I don't wake up hungry. My body is still running with the last night late dinner. I move to the computer. My brother is dead in sleep as usual. He sleeps during the day and goes out in the night. A vampire as my family teases him. After turn the computer table to my I turn it on. Sadly my brother keeps the computer in his room. The living room is too bright. My room is too filled with my stuffs.

Axl: *yawns*
Benimaru: Forget it. *begins browsing through the news again*
Miyu: Um... you're giving up as well?
Benimaru: No, I'm just waiting for the plot... if there is a plot.

Since he has a closet he can keep his things in there saving some space. I turn it on and put the volume in a lower level. As usual my brother leaves it in the max. After get online and check my e-mails I open the Word. I guess that I might work on my fics.

Manic, Rory: Oh...!
Sonia: Stop it, you two. Stop.
Manic: *stifles a laugh* Oh, boy...

Since I am still blocked in the I guess that I can work a bit so at least have some new chapters to my fics when I gain accesses again.

Axl: Uh... blocked in the what?
Kyo L.: Brain? Sanity? Pacing, maybe?! Am I reading a goddamn loop here?!
Miyu: Um, I think it's referencing being temporarily blocked from uploading to Fanfiction.Net for a time. Honestly, I don't know why we're supposed to care about that, but it's there... unfortunately.

But I am not on the mood of working on my old fics.

Sonia: I'm also not in the mood to care, either.

I have the bad habit of get stuck in the story when it gets really interesting.

Rory: So that's why we're reading padding and why those two are out? *points at the sleeping Kyo K. and the bored Benimaru* Oh, wow, Kyo really is out.
Benimaru: It's what he does best, Rory.

I have dozens of ideas but putting then down is hard. I sigh loudly

Miyu: Oh, the irony.

and my brother stirs turning in the bed. I am not in the mood to play an online game.

Kyo L.: If this keeps up, I won't be in the mood to read this any more. Hey, wait... can I call my backup?
Sonia: You know the rules, Kyo. You have to sit through the first two chapters.
Kyo L.: *groans*

My house doesn't have cable TV since the neighborhood is not on the access area so TV is out.

Axl: And so is my attention span with this fic. *brings out a deck of cards* Who's up for some poker?
Manic: Count me in.
Rory: Same.
Miyu: *while knitting* No, I'm okay.
Kyo L.: *while holding Miyu's yarn ball* Man, you pick the comfiest yarn, Miyu.
Miyu: It's an odd gift.

Going to my grandmother don't sounds appealing to me. Is still too early to call my friends. And I am not willing to go out. At least a fall one week and a half ago gives me the excuse to stay in home. I slipped down the stairs when raining. Thanks to my martial arts training I managed to fall in a better way and decreasing the damage. But the momentum and the steps gave me a nasty cut on the ankle. The worse part is that in home we was lacking of gauzes or bandages.

Sonia: Uh-huh. Yep. Hey, can you guys deal me in?
Manic: Always room for one more, sis!

So my mother used an intimate absorbent as gauze and used some medical tape to hold it in the place. I saw that move in movie before. The worse part is that in the following morning I removed the improvised bandage only to found that it was soaking with blood. Since the cut is on a joint it takes time to heal. So I grab another absorbent and place it there again. Well now is closed and don't bleed more. The sound of my playlist fills the air. As usual is a small group of anime music. I careless surf on the net since I don't have much more to do.

Kyo L.: *falls asleep while holding the yarn ball*
Miyu: Oh, Kyo. You always do that when I knit...
Rory: So, uh...  is anything happening in that fic?
Miyu: Not yet, Rory.
Rory: Oh.

After one hour my zombie brother decides that the room is too hot and joins the cats in the living room carpet. I raise the volume of the music a bit. I can hear the workers repairing the post that was hitten last night by a truck. Luckily the power is back on. I work a bit in a couple of fics. They move slowly. Painfully slowly and to think that until few months ago I updated then every week. Sometimes even twice a week. I save my fics and stretch a bit. My back pops and I sigh with pleasure with that. I sigh and stare to the open cabinet of the computer.

Axl: Yeah. Sure. Yep.
Manic: Hey, why are we letting the fic run?
Benimaru: You know why, Manic. There's nothing to riff.
Manic: I've never dealt with that before. A fic so boring that there's nothing to riff, huh?
Benimaru: First time for everything. Man, something really needs to happen soon.

Two days ago the machine was so hot that was near of a meltdown. In response my brother opened the cabinet to allow more air to run. Is too hot and the air is hot. So the computer is not cooling. With a ventilator and the removed wall now he can. I look at the lights there listening to the songs of my playlist. I sing along the music. It is the opening theme of Sakura wars, Geki! Teikoku Kagekidan! I like that series. But sadly in Brazil is really hard to found a good anime to buy. I am pissed with the distributors from this country and they old fashioned mind that think that animation is only for kids. I am so pissed that I forgot to pay attention to my surrounding and the music.

Miyu: *still knitting* Now, granted, I don't like the stigma that anime is "for children", either, but... what does this have to do with anything?
Sonia: Aside from the slight relation that Sailor Moon had one anime at the time? Nothing much, probably. Just another author rant in a fic.

I barely notice when the music begun to get some odd spikes.

Rory: Looks like someone forgot to defragment their hard drive.
Miyu: *chuckles*
Axl: *looks up* Hey, looks like the plot's finally about to start!
Benimaru: Well, it's about time! *nudges the Kyos* Wake up, sleepyheads!
Kyo L.: *drowsy* Huh? The hell's going on?
Benimaru: Plot's about to begin.
Kyo K.: *stretches* Really? Glad that I snoozed through that boredom fest, then. Kind of needed that nap.

The computer plaques are sparking with electricity. I rush to shut it down by the main line. Big mistake. A power surge runs thru the damaged street line hitting my computer and me. My last thought is that the computer hard drives survive this and me too.

Manic: Did Akiko's electricity go out of control there?
Rory: Guess so.
Sonia, Kyo K., Benimaru: Oh, no...
Kyo K.: It's another one of those fics, isn't it?
Axl: Huh?
Sonia: The infamous self-insert fic where the canon warper gets sucked into the universe via television, computer, or some other device.
Manic: Oh, crap. This again? This isn't gonna end well.
Sonia: You were lucky that you only riffed one whole fic.
Manic: One and... that tiny bit from that bad sex fic with all of the blood in it.
Sonia: Oh, right. And I guess the cats aren't coming with him.
Miyu: *adjusts glasses* Good. We don't need animal cruelty to go along with this fic.

Tokyo June seventh 2004

Miyu: *as she stores her knitting project* Huh? Why are we going back in time seven months?
Kyo L.: No idea, Miyu.

Benji lands hard on wet concrete. Stunned he fights against the pain of the fall.

Sonia: Why are we suddenly in third person?
Kyo K.: I'll take that over the first person any day of the week.

"Rain?" Benji says in Portuguese feeling the cold drops wetting him. He looks around and founds himself on a empty alley. He sees a familiar bag pack and picks it up with a small smile. He manages to get up and he walks away from the alley. He wanders by empty streets looking around. Too distracted trying to figure how he ended in another city after being shocked to notice that the rain is soaking him.

Axl: That... actually makes sense.
Benimaru: Enjoy it while it lasts, Axl.

"This can't be real. Those letters are Japanese." Benji whispers looking at the shop windows. He is taken out of his musings by a loud girl scream. Benji runs to the direction of the scream forgetting about his ankle. He reaches the place from where the scream came.

All: The ankle?
Rory: Man, this is what we get for dozing off!
Miyu: I'm on it. *rewinds the fic* Okay, he has a bad cut on his ankle. You know... um... if he was warped seven months into the past, would the ankle injury not exist?
Manic: Miyu. Logic.
Miyu: *as she fast forwards the fic* Oh. Right.

"Tentacle action…" Benji mutters seeing nine sailor suited young women being held by a feminine shaped monster with many tentacles on the crotch area. And the tentacles are moving really close of the girls privates. "Should I help or enjoy the show?" he thinks seeing the action.

Manic, Kyo K., Rory: Uh...
Benimaru: *facepalms* Are you serious?
Axl: I have not read this version of that hentai before, and I don't think I want to read it.
Kyo L.: What the holy hell is wrong with you, you horny dumbass?! Go help them!
Miyu: Also... isn't it very jarring that nine women can't beat a tentacle monster, but some random man will most likely be able to?
Sonia: Yes. Very.

"What the hell I am thinking! I have to help the senshis!" he thinks grabbing a pair of combat knifes from his bag pack and charging at the demon who is about to penetrate the now unconscious women.

Kyo L.: *grimaces* This is my happy face.

Benji unsheathes the knifes and hits the demon tentacles by the roots.

The girls fall in the wet concrete hard. But not as hard as he did.

Rory: Because he's a man, and men can do things better than those silly girly women!
Kyo K.: I'm not going to like this fic at all. I can feel it.
Benimaru: It's probably going to be a lot more sexist than "KOF-XXX".
Sonia: I'm surprised that there's a fic that would top that.
Manic: There's always something worse, sis.

Benji spins drifting on the wet ground using the open guard caused by the pain in the demon to bury his two knifes on the demon neck and he forces them to the sides cutting it off. The demon falls bleeding a greenish goo. Benji sigh in relief for ending the demon.

Miyu: Nine women can't defeat a tentacle monster. One man can. What should we call that?
Kyo L.: Super Penis Power! *plays triumphant music*
Kyo K.: Gah... *sputters* Damn it, Fox Clone...
Kyo L.: Should we get a cape for Super Penis Man?
Kyo K.: Ugh. No way.

He cleans the knifes and sheathe them. He looks at his surroundings recognizing as the front steps of the Hikawa-jinja.

Axl: Oh, please, if there's any mercy on our souls, please don't give us wank puddles to mop up...
Miyu: *gets the mop and bucket* I'm ready for those.

He moves to Sailor Jupiter and removes the tentacles from her cutting them off if needed.

Sonia: "If needed". Really, now?

And he picks her up and takes her up to the shrine. After a couple of minutes he reaches the shrine moving to the back entering in the Hino house. He places Makoto on the living room and moves down the stairs taking the senshis to the shrine by a decreasing order. The taller ones first. He moves to Sailor Saturn the last one of the group.

Benji is actually glad of making the choice of the decreasing order.

Kyo L.: I'm not glad that I'm reading this fapfest.
Miyu: *sighs as she mops up a wank puddle* Darn it.

Eight trips up and down the long stairs carrying the senshis are tiring him up. At least he knows that Hotaru is almost as light as a feather.

Benimaru: Not... a good comparison to make.

He places her silence glaive on his belt tying on his back to take it up the stairs as he did to Pluto staff. A detail that he forgot is to check if the demon turned into a pile of dust or something like that.

Kyo K.: Our hero! Holy crap, he's either dense, horny, or both.
Rory: So he's... dorny.
Kyo K.: Stay odd, Tech.

And the demon is regenerating with his cutted body parts joining and fixing themselves.

Manic: Huh? I thought that the demon was a "she".
Sonia: Consistency doesn't exist, Manic.

When Benji reaches the first step the demon attacks again. Benji barely dodges thanks to the sound of the demon stepping on a puddle.

Axl: *gets a large umbrella, sets it over the riffers*
Benimaru: *points at the umbrella* What's this for, Axl?
Axl: In case a puddle splashes down on us. I don't want to deal with the hazmat suit people again, man. Uh-uh.

The tentacles nail themselves on the stone steps and Benji runs few meters. Benji runs away from the youma protecting Hotaru, making the demon runs after him. The demon tries hitting him with the tentacles that he barely dodges and occasionally cuts off slowing the demon a bit.

Kyo L.: Keep in mind that he's doing this stupid Gary Stu shit on a cut up ankle.
Miyu: Well, aside from adrenaline? Injuries don't exist if you're special, Kyo.
Kyo L.: Oh, this is special, Miyu. A special kind of stupid.

On the shrine.

The sailor senshis wake not understanding what happened and how they ended on the shrine. They hear the sounds of the battle down the stairs and the lack of Hotaru by them side. They run down the stairs and found Benji dodging the demon attacks. Sailor Moon begun to make a speech. But not even Benji and the demon are paying attention to it anyway.

Manic: *sarcastically* Hey, shut up, woman! A man is doing something! Now go ovulate somewhere! *normal voice* Man, pretending to be sexist grosses me out.
Benimaru: Join the club.

Sailor Mars hit Moon on the head stating that they aren't paying attention. They hear a shout "Death ribbon revolution!" they see a energy attack hit the demon burning many of the tentacles. Benji charges at it and slashes the demon with the two knifes before leaping out the demon range. Sailor Moon attacks the demon vanquishing it.

Miyu: I'm surprised. Sailor Moon gets the last blow.
Sonia: But all that couldn't be done without the help of Super Gary Stu. Seriously, do these Stuthors know what the original target audience is?
Kyo K.: Heck, no. It's why they have to use their... you know, whatever Fox Clone said.

Benji falls on his knees his white shirt is stained with a large stain of blood on his chest.

Rory: So... who's going to help him?
Everyone else: *waves Rory off*
Kyo L.: Screw that Stu!
Rory: *shrugs*

Saturn rushes to his side holding him preventing him from falling face down on the water. The others run to them. After a discussion they take him to the shrine and Hotaru heals him while Ami bandages him. In the living room the others senshis discuss the events.

Axl: I'm calling it right now. The Stu likes Hotaru.
Miyu: You're really confident about this, aren't you?
Axl: Yes, I am, Miyu. Think about it; she's getting a lot of spotlight so far.
Benimaru: Yep. It's just like that one fic where that Stu fell in love with Athena.

"I admit that his help was really important but why we have to take care of him?" Rei asks.

Kyo L.: My thoughts exactly, Rei! Let's just throw him down the steps of the Hikawa Shrine right now!

"Because if he wasn't there that youma would have raped all of us with those gross tentacles. Honestly I might be lonely but I pass that." Makoto says to Rei, who nods agreeing.

All: ...
Benimaru: *facepalms*
Rory: That's like... 31 flavors of wrong right there.
Sonia: *takes a deep breath* Don't explode, don't explode...
Kyo K.: *now wearing a crash helmet* Yeah, a bit too early for that, Sonia.

"And how we would explain his wounds in a hospital." Ami says to them. "Besides he did save us all. The least that we could to is treating him." The blue haired senshi statement is agreed by half of the senshis. The other half is not exactly pleased by it.

Manic: Don't worry, eight riffers aren't pleased about it, either. We don't blame you.

Setsuna is with Hotaru while she heals the stranger. And she is busy examining the bag pack that was found near of them when they woke assuming correctly that it is his.

She removes the contains of the bag pack placing in front of her to exam each of them later. A palm top, a CD player, a CD case, a photo album and a battery charger back in the bag and the combat knife is in front of him, there are five metal rods of thirty centimeters each with a screw tip placed beside the other, the two tekkos are near of the rods one beside the other, there is a long and slender knife on the proper sheath near of the tekkos and metal baton.

Benimaru: Okay, did he nab that backpack from the Pokemon universe? Because that's the only way that a whole bunch of stuff could fit in it.
Axl: Either that or it's a black hole with straps attached to it.

"Now why he would carry those weapons around?" Setsuna asks to herself.

Sonia: So he can be "edgy".

She sees a wallet and read the documents inside it. "Note to self tell my past self to learn Portuguese." She thinks before shivering.

Miyu: The Stu's invading her thoughts? I would be shivering, too.

"Benji Himura. Age 21. Born in August twenty third of 1983." She reads on a driver's license. Hotaru looks a bit surprised at her mother but she continues to heal Benji wounds. Ami cleaned them before the senshi of silence could begin the healing process and the purge of any evil material from him.

Kyo K.: Considering that we're riffing this? Yeah, that evil ain't gonna be purged soon.

She let out a small tired sigh, there is a thin layer of sweat over her forehead showing the effort that she is doing to heal him up.

A couple of hours later Setsuna and Hotaru leaved the room. Setsuna is holding a CD case and hearing to a CD player. Michiru moves to Hotaru and wipes her face before making her seat and giving her some cookies and milk.

Sonia: What is this? "Senshi Surgery Hour"?
Kyo L.: If that's the case, I'm just waiting for her to cut his head open with her Silence Glaive.

Before the others can shower the duo with questions Setsuna raise her hand halting them.

"Let Hotaru rest for few minutes before she tells us what she saw." The senshi of time tell to the others who nod agreeing.

Rory: Hope that she didn't see anything creepy.
Manic: Dude. Tentacle monster.
Rory: Never mind!

After a couple of minutes Hotaru have finished her snack and she looks at the others that look at her with raw curiosity. "I will say what I saw him doing and only that." Hotaru says to them. "When I woke I was on his arms. He was walking to the shrine steps. When I was going to ask to him put me down so I could walk myself over there the youma attacked again by surprise." The violet eyed senshi take a small break to let the words sink on the others.

Sonia: You know, so the Stu could save the damsel in distress. Of course.
Kyo L.: Hey, Super Penis Man's gotta do his thing, Sonia!

"He barely dodged the attack and fell on the ground. During those actions he kept me protected and on purpose made me land over him even knowing that he would hurt himself on the process." Hotaru continues her story.

Benimaru: And look at how selfless he is!
Kyo K.: He's selfless? Then I'm a math professor.

"When he groaned in pain I noticed that he was with my silent glaive on his back and he landed over it. That on the hard asphalt, with me in top of him. But he moved fast and dodged a new attack. I asked him if he could put me down. He said in English that he didn't understand me but that he was glad to see me wake. I asked again this time in English. He nodded and placed me over my feet and handed to me my glaive." Hotaru stops to take a sip of milk. Her best friends or even better her family look at her holding back comments and questions.

Miyu: I have a question! What's with the shilling?
Axl: Because he's a Stu. They need to be shilled or they'll die.

"Before I could tell him to leave he draw two combat knifes. Those two that you saw Setsuna-mama. And he said that he would help me. Honestly I was really happy with that offer. The youma was far from us as if waiting for us attack first." She resumes her tale seeing now the surprise on the others faces.

Kyo L.: Anyone hearing squishing noises?
Sonia: Kyo!
Kyo L.: I'm serious, Sonia.
Sonia: *notices a wank puddle* Darn it, you were right. *mops the puddle up*

"I asked where you where. And he said that on the shrine. He said that if he got there about half minute later he wouldn't be sure if he would be able to stop the youma. I asked him why and he said that he would probably have fainted with blood loss because he would be seeing a scene that it could have come out from a tentacle hentai movie.

Miyu: And yet... he had a cut ankle. I will keep bringing this cut ankle up. *waves a paper around* Because seriously, this isn't making any sense!

I was a bit surprised but then it sank in. His tone was playful one. He was making a joke to ease the mood. I just laugh at the joke."

Rory: I'm not laughing.
Everyone else: Neither are we.
Manic: Seriously, man... I... *sighs* Wow.
Sonia: Of course he's this "hilarious" and "funny" guy to boot, too.
Kyo K.: Man, we're in for a long one.

"What!" Rei asks with shock. "I was really scared. That was my first solo battle. And that youma caught us all. I was almost wetting myself before he tossed that bad joke.

Benimaru: Well, she was right about it being a bad joke.

After it I relaxed a bit and he noticed. He asked me if I was afraid and I nodded confirming. He said that it was okay. And that he was also scared. But that real courage is to act even in fear, not being totally out of fears. I guess that I smiled at him since he smiled at me." Hotaru continues after Rei interruption.

Kyo L.: Only you can get encouragement from some random Stu instead of the friends that you've had for years. Because, seriously, your life just ain't validated unless it's full of di--
Axl: We got it, Kyo. Thanks, buddy.

"I was about to make one of those speeches that Serena always make. He stopped me and said that the youma attacked from behind with no warning.

Manic: *sarcastically* Stop talking, woman! You know that you're supposed to be seen and not heard!

Why we needed to warn him. Besides you really think that he would wait until I finished the speech to try lace me with those tentacles. I gave to his point. After all he was right and the speech was silly." Hotaru comments make Serena and the others blush.

Axl: Ah. So one of Super Penis Man's powers is being a colossal dick. Not surprised at that one.
Sonia: *takes a deep breath* Go to Hell, Stu. Seriously, just go to Hell.
Miyu: Granted, the speeches can be silly at times... which was the point, because the original anime was meant to be less serious and more silly, but that statement right there? *points* Really?
Rory: *sarcastically* Hey, that's all you women do. Just yap, yap, yap. *normal voice* I don't like this fic. I'm also thinking that this guy probably hates Usagi.
Manic: Who knows? We won't find out until we get there.

"So we charged at the youma. He fought really well. And his orders were quite easy to understand and to see the reason to do so." This new comment makes Serena blush more, her leadership skills where insulted.

Benimaru: *points at Sonia* She's insulted.
Sonia: Oh, you know me well, Benimaru.
Kyo L.: Hey, of course a man's a better leader than a woman! Of course! Man, this fic's already showing itself to be a piece of shit. I'm sorry, but I'm telling it like it is. It. Is. Shit.
Kyo K.: So, uh... are we done with this wankfest yet?
Miyu: *as she mops up another puddle* I wish, Mr. Kusanagi.

"Our first action was to take out the tentacles out of the way. So we where chopping them off before attacking the youma body. He said that we would try holding the youma long enough to the others wake and help us if we couldn't kill it. I agreed with that." Haruka nods hearing Hotaru comment.

Axl: Man, screw this. *puts on a pair of earphones* Let me know when she's done kissing that dude's butt.
Miyu: *as she brings out her knitting project, shrugs* Might as well.
Manic: So, let's see... his powers already have him acting like a jerkass, being a better fighter, and now he's a better leader than the original leader. So, uh... we're watching some good ol' Misogyny Science Theater, huh?
Sonia: Pretty much.

"We kept up for about twenty minutes. We where getting tired and I wasn't even close of having energy enough to my death ribbon revolution. I slipped on the wet sidewalk and the youma tried to stab me with one of the tentacles. That man pushed me out of the way getting himself stabbed in my place.

Kyo L.: And I'm supposed to feel sorry for him? Huh! Yeah, good luck with making me feel sympathy there.

He screamed in pain but chopped off the tentacle. He tossed both of his knives on the youma head. He hitted the youma in the eyes. Blinding it for a while. He ran to it and punched him giving a combo.

Benimaru: ...giving a combo. Yeah. Wonderful action writing there.
Rory: *while eating Combos* You mean these?
Benimaru: No, not those.

I got up and helped him. He got his knives back and we continued to attack. After a couple more minutes you guys arrived and you know the rest." Hotaru says finishing her tale.

Kyo K.: *while removing Axl's headphones* You know, someone needs to tell this guy how to summarize things. Because that shilling right there? It made me want to tap out.
Sonia: You already tapped out once.
Kyo K.: I'm not afraid to do it again, Sonia.

Hotaru sips the remaining milk from her glass, the other senshis are in silence digesting the information.

Manic: That info just gave me indigestion. Where's the Pepto?

"I think that the least that we could do is thanking him for aiding us and helping Hotaru to fight." Michiru says breaking the silence.

Miyu: What the?! She already knows how to fight! Sailor Saturn is probably the second strongest Senshi if not the strongest! She was so feared that at one point, Uranus, Neptune, and Pluto wanted to halt her awakening! Why is some stupid Gary Stu getting praised for something that she could easily do?!
Kyo L.: He's Super Penis Man, Miyu. Also, it's because Hotaru's a woman, and women apparently suck, just like this fic... which really sucks.

And the room bursts with comments of six confuse senshis. Only Setsuna and Hotaru stay quiet along Michiru.

"And we are supposed to do it?" Haruka asks "We can't just show up there like this and say thank you for saving us from a rapist demon." The blonde adds.

Sonia: Uh-oh. You just made sense! Know what that means?
Manic: It's time to play "Let's hate a character because she isn't kissing a Gary Stu's ass"!
Rory: *imitates audience cheers*

But she froze with Michiru ice cold glare. "Then he should have left you to enjoy the tentacles." The deep oceans senshi says to her lesbian lover.

Sonia: *screams, explodes into ash*
Manic, Kyo K., Rory: *speechless*
Benimaru: *facepalms, sighs heavily*
Kyo L.: *as he sweeps Sonia up* Yeah, how about you go fuck yourself, "Michiru"?
Miyu: I... I... oh, my god... I... my brain... ow. *blue screens*
Kyo K.: Uh-oh. *promptly reboots Miyu*
Miyu: Thank you...
Axl: Oh, my... what the fuck is wrong with you, Pod Person Michiru?! Why would you say something so goddamn stupid?! Yeah, no, fuck this. *stamps "Epic Failure" on his review sheet* Yeah, I'm going there. Fuck this stupid fic.
Kyo L.: Way ahead of ya, Ax. I stamped it on my sheet long before we started.
Miyu: Kyo, you cheater.
Kyo L.: What? Only a matter of time before you stamp it yourself, Miyu.
Miyu: Yes, but not now. Anyway, at this rate, I'm convinced that the author doesn't like Haruka. Why, you must be indebted to a man if he saves you! If you don't immediately trust him, then you're an evil harpy!
Rory: *flatly* Yay. Just what we needed.

"After all you just love feeling things inside you right?" Haruka pales and shivers with the last sarcastic comment from her lover.

Rory: I know what sarcasm is, and that is not it.
Kyo K.: Difference between a ditz and an asshole? At least I don't fry ditzes.
Rory: That is sort of comforting.

It took a long time to Haruka get used to have fingers and small dildos inside her. And still she is not comfortable with anything thicker than Michiru slender fingers. And her lover knows it.

Miyu: Why is this here? No, really! Why is this here?!
Kyo L.: Because lesbians apparently hate penises. And that's apparently a bad thing. Do I need to put a fedora on this fic? And am I sensing a whiff of homophobia with that misogyny and tiny bit of character bashing here?
Axl: Yeah, and it smells like crap. Just like this fic.
Sonia: *reforms, fuming* I am not looking forward to the rest of this fic.
Manic: None of us are, actually.

"But…but…" Haruka stumbles a comment that is cutted by the sudden appearance of a slow moving Benji, only on his pants and bandages wrapped around his chest.

Rory: Halt! The man is awake!
Kyo K.: I'll pay attention to him if he gets thrown into a pool full of sharks. Other than that, I ain't interested.

He walks by the living hall to the kitchen. The senshis stare as he moves by them with out even looking at them.

Kyo L.: Can he look up my butt? Sure there's something up there.

He walks to the kitchen sink and opens the faucet and drink water by cupping his hands and drinking it. After quenching his thirst he closes the faucet and dries his hands a bit and cleans his lips and begins to move back to where he came. All that looking half sleep and ready to fall on the floor at any moment.

Benimaru: And of course we needed all of the details describing what he does. We're only one chapter into this stupid thing, and it's already testing my patience.

"He was supposed to so that?" Serena asks pointing to the half conscious man moving out of the living room.

Miyu: Wow, that's out of place. Serena with... Ami, Rei, Makoto, Haruka, Michiru, and Setsuna. Mixing and matching names there...

"Not on his actual state." Ami answers. Benji yawns covering his mouth and keep moving. Not seeing the door from where he came he looks around and move to a corner. He grabs a cushion near of Michiru and tosses on the corner and leans on the floor and sleeps there as soon he leans his leans his head on the soft surface.

Axl: And now back to our soul sucking Stu. Seriously, does anyone care about this nitwit?
Miyu: We were supposed to care, Axl?
Axl: Exactly.

"After that wound and healing he was supposed to be able to move so soon?" Makoto asks looking at the now sleeping man. "No. But at least he is sleeping again. He must be really thirsty to move like this when he is so hurt." Setsuna says.

"Moving on more important matters what we will do with him?" Haruka asks happy that Michiru seems to have forgotten about her comment.

Sonia: We're not going to forget. Riffers never forget.
Kyo L.: *ignites a flame* I know a way. We can start by burning up that pod person Michiru first.

"Simple. Until he wakes we will take care of him. Then we will ask him few questions. After it just after hearing him." Setsuna says to the others. Ami agrees with the elder senshi plan as well Hotaru.

Rory: Does this mean that we'll have to listen to another boring story that shills this doofus?
Benimaru: I'm not in the mood to deal with that, Rory.

"Fine. But where we will keep him? Not on my living room I hope." Rei says.

Kyo K.: So leave him in the sewers where he belongs.
Miyu: And now we have a zero percent chance of either Kyo being kind during this riffing.

"Well we can move him back to the guest room. I guess since he is not used to the layout of this house he haven't found the door to leave on his state. But he was going back." Ami says. And with that Hotaru and Makoto takes the tall man back to the guest room and they continue to discuss over the failed attack against the tentacle demon.

Benimaru: Man, this Stuthor really likes mentioning that stupid tentacle monster, huh?
Axl: He must've been reading too much hentai. I know, I know, it's ironic coming from me.
Kyo L.: Why not? I mean, it was the reason that the Stu was able to save those poor women who could usually save themselves in the canon that he's currently taking a steaming dump on.
Rory: You, uh... have a way with words, Kyo.
Kyo L.: Thank you, Rory. You know I try.

End of the prologue

Sonia: Thank heavens for that. Also, a prologue shouldn't be this long.

Author notes:

Please read and review. I will answer every review. Good or bad. If you have time to read and send a review.

Kyo K.: Will this riffing count?
Manic: Man, this is going to be the longest review ever.

I will send you an answer. I am making two versions of this story. One with out explicit sex scenes and one with then.

Benimaru: I think we'll stick to the one without the explicit sex scenes, thanks.

As well with sexual related omakes.

Miyu: I'm sorry, but... why?
Kyo K.: Simple, Glasses; we needed more women fawning over the Stu's super... powers.
Rory: Sorry if I sound dumb--
Kyo K.: That ship has sailed.
Rory: Hey, shut up. Anyway, what's an "omake"?
Kyo L.: It means "extra" in Japanese. Anime fandoms usually use it to mean "extra" or "bonus". So this means that he wants to write extra or bonus sexual scenes.
Rory: Huh. Why?
Kyo L.: Don't ask me why.

The unedited version can be found in MediaMiner fanfiction page. The link is on my profile.

Manic: So, uh, are we going to riff that version?
Axl: We can't. It only has one chapter. Looks like he didn't bother to write it.
Sonia: Oh, there is a riffing god! Thank you! Thank you, thank you, thank you!

--

Continue to Part Two
Go Back to Incredibly Resilient Riffers Page
Go Back to Episode List
Go Back to Main MST 'EM Page