Mystery Science Theater En Masse

Special Episode 8: Miles "Tails" Prower (Part Nine)

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Note: n/a: Do you think all fanfiction has to be perfect? Because it isn't. No one is perfect. I bet you're not even perfect.

Miyuki: Ooh, butthurt! Joyous day!
Amy: We never said that this stuff had to be perfect. We said that it should at least be entertaining or tell a story. This fic does neither.

I can't do all the crap you told me to do.

Tails: *reads the reviews* Most of the criticisms are centered around how boring and repetitive the fight scenes are. You couldn't ask for help? Beta readers don't bite.
Manic: He's probably worried that they'll "underestimate" him.

I'm not a "professional." I'm sorry... but this is seriously the best I can do.

Sonia: No, it's not. A good chunk of this stuff is the same half-assed copy and paste bullshit that we've been reading for the last eighteen chapters or more.
Akiko: Definitely "more".
Sonia: So that also means that this person didn't want to improve. This is just a story where he wanted to wank about Tails beating everyone up. Or to put it in Kyo's terms... "jizz all over the keyboard".

Oh, and I can't take criticism,

Tomoko: *sarcastically* You can't? Oh, I'm shocked.

I'm just proving a point.

Sonia: What point? The only point that you proved to us was the fact that you can't take constructive criticism. And you know what that means over here...
Sonic: Riff it harder. Riff it until the cows come home.

That I can't make this fanfiction as good as your "standards" provide. Anyway...

Tomoko: Okay. Then stop writing. I don't need to read the rest of this crap.

Chapter 24: Wrong Impression

Miyuki: Much like the wrong impressions that this fic left on us.

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There was a standoff between Tails and Cream. Cheese just floated there, away from Tails and Cream, she looked helpless, mostly because Cheese didn't know what to do. Plus, Cheese didn't want to fight Tails, because Cheese somehow knew that Tails was right.

Sonia: *screams in rage, throws the table at the screen* Fuck this character shilling cock sucking trash fic!
Manic: Y'know... I'm used to Cassy and Amy doin' that, sis.
Sonic: Least she didn't explode.
Amy: So... we're going to copy and paste the ending for the last chapter for the most part... but add that "Oh, Cheese didn't wanna do it because Tails is pure and good!"
Tails: Is it even possible to plagiarize yourself?
Akiko: Doubt it. Guy probably just went and ran out of words.

That the weapons didn't change Tails, but, Cheese knew she had no way to tell Cream that, and, besides, Cream also knew that even if she did, Cream wouldn't believe her. The wind blew and blew Tails' and Cream's fur as well. This fight was inevitable.

Tomoko: This shit's gonna suck.

Que: "Desire For All That Is Lost" (Kingdom Hearts 2)

Miyuki: It's really gonna suck now.
Tomoko: Should've said that it's gonna suck harder than normal.

Cream immediately rushed Tails and tried tow wail Tails with a punch with her right hand, but, Tails just easily sidestepped it to the left. Cream was shocked and wide-eyed and looked at Tails, only to see a serious look in his eyes. Tails did his usual duel ground slashing combos, and eventually,

Tomoko: Who's drinking? Because I ain't doin' it.
Sonia: *narrows her eyes, slams Jessie's cocktail down* I will--
Manic: *steals Sonia's shots, drinks them* No. I'm takin' one for the team. *coughs* Two.
Tails: *sarcastically* Smooth.

he threw Cream into the air with an underhand backward slash with his right weapon. Tails quickly followed Cream into the air and did his usual duel aerial slashing combos,

Manic: Aww, come on! *takes two more shots* Four.
Akiko: He's going to be wasted before this part is over. I'm calling it.

ending it with his X cross slash,

Sonia: *takes a shot* Never said that I couldn't drink to that.

forcing Cream to hit the ground and she hit it hard, and was already hurt. But, she got up.

Miyuki: Kinda funny that the youngest character has the best stamina so far.

Cream came after Tails again and tried multiple attacks from her hands and her feet with punches and kicks. But, again, Tails just easily dodged all of Cream's attacks when they came near him.

Tomoko: Of course he dodged them all. Can't have our precious Gary Stu getting hurt.

Eventually, Tails sidestepped another attack to the left again and did his same combos as before. His duel ground slashing and duel aerial slashing combos

Manic: *takes four more shots* Eight. *blinks* Is this cocktail supposed to be strong?
Sonic: Uh, no. I think you may be a lightweight, bro.
Manic: Can I just chug the rest of this stuff and forget the game?
Sonic: No.

finishing with his X cross slash

Sonia: Damn it! *takes a shot*
Amy: *bored* Remember. This guy's trying.
Tails: Not trying hard enough.

forcing Cream to hit the ground hard again. This time, she couldn't get up.

End Music

Tails approached Cream to see if she was alright. When Tails reached Cream, she spoke.

"I knew I wouldn't be able to beat you. Especially with those weapons" remarked Cream.

Tomoko: All hail the Stu.

Tails didn't say anything.

"By the way..." started Cream "Sonic's coming to "talk" to you next. I'd be prepared if I were you"

Tails was shocked, wide-eyed, and speechless. Tails quickly got serious again.

Tails: *scrunches his face* Grr!
Sonic: Heh.
Akiko: Come on, time for you two to have a Stu fight! It needs to have all the excitement of a wet paper bag!
Tails: I can tell that you're not excited.
Akiko: Of course not! This stuff's boring!
Tomoko: Obviously. I don't like being bored, either.

"Will you be alright?" asked Tails.

Cream stood up but was hurt.

"Yeah, I'll be alright. I'd rest up if I were you. Plus, Sonic has the last chaos emerald." informed Cream.

Akiko: Why is she shilling him? He just beat her up!

This didn't surprise Tails. Cream limped away, leaving Mystic Ruins.

Amy: *picks up her paper from the floor, sets the table upright, stamps her paper*
Tomoko: Colossal Failure?
Amy: I guess that's what happens when you beat up a six year old and the "story" writes it as a good thing. I don't care if that OOC Tails went out of character further to actually show some concern.

But, Tails knew Cream was right. Tails headed inside his house and rested on his couch. He would need it, especially since Sonic was on his way to "visit" Tails.

Miyuki: This "story" is "good", isn't it?
Sonia: Ugh.

Tails definitely wasn't sure about this one. Could he actually beat Sonic?! One can only hope...

Manic: Oh, look. Another cliffhanger. Yes, he's going to beat Sonic.

To be continued...

P.S.: Sorry the chapters keep being so short. I'm afraid it was inevitable. Once again, sorry.

Tomoko: They've been short for the last eight parts. This crap wasn't gonna change.

Note: I've decided that this is the best I can do, so oh well.

Sonia: *annoyed* Yes, yes, we got it. Now shut up.

I'm going to accept this as it is, and probably not change this, okay?

Tomoko: Man, you suck as a writer.
Miyuki: *snickers*
Tomoko: What? I'm gonna keep saying it. He's not gonna improve, so what's the point of reading this crap?

Good... Anyway, time for some arguments...

Chapter 25: Here we go...

Manic: Oh. I thought that he was gonna argue with the reviewers.
Akiko: Pretty sure that would be worse.
Manic: Fic's already bad enough. Why shouldn't it get any worse?

---------------

Tails got up from his couch and stretched a bit.

Sonic: Then he pulled a muscle.
Tails: Should be several muscles.

Tails knew this was a good enough rest as he was going to get, so he left his house, made his way to the main ground of the Mystic Ruins, sat down on the ground, and pretty much just waited for Sonic to show up.

Amy: *bored, waves her hands around* Thrilling.

According to Cream, Sonic was on his way, so it wouldn't take long for Sonic to show up, and Tails knew that.

Fifteen minutes later...

Tails was looking down at the ground, but looked up and noticed a blue hedgehog walking toward him.

Sonic: Me? Walking?
Tomoko: Yeah, you're definitely out of character now, Hedgehog. You're leading a mook squad, you're walking... what's next?
Sonic: I'm scared to find out what "I'm" gonna say.

It was Sonic.

Miyuki: Duh!

Tails stood up and immediately got serious and somewhat angry as well.

Tails: *scrunches his face*
Akiko: He gets angry right after he wakes up? Guy's got anger issues.
Sonia: Some protagonist.

"Hey Tails, it's been awhile huh, bud?" greeted Sonic.

Amy: Sonic is now evil for literally greeting the Stu with a friendly gesture.
Tomoko: Usual crap fic garbage.

Tails said nothing because he knew Sonic was trying to calm him down so he could surprise him with something. Sonic noticed this.

"Why so serious Tails?

Tails: *makes a face* Are you serious right now? It's so bad that we have to force memes now? What's next? An "I can haz cheeseburger" meme?
Akiko: No, seriously! Why is it getting worse?
Miyuki: Because it's the best that this guy can do. Oh, well.
Amy: Excuses, excuses.

Aren't you going to say hi to me?" asked Sonic

"I know what you're trying to do Sonic" informed Tails

"Huh?!" remarked Sonic

"You're trying to relax me, and calm me down. Then, when I least expect it, you attack me or surprise me with something, right?" asked Tails

Manic: Hey, predicting what's supposed to happen next in this crap is our job, man.

"Heh..." started Sonic as he rubbed the back of his head with his right hand "I guess you have gotten a lot stronger in a short amount of time"

All: A lot?
Amy: He's uncharacteristically strong.

"That's right, is there a problem?" asked Tails

Sonic: *as himself, pulls out a list* Oh, let me count the many ways on why this is a major problem... "buddy".

"No... I guess not..." replied Sonic

"You guess not?!" repeated Tails

Tomoko: Don't make me choke you, you entitled little sh--
Sonic: ...aaaving cream.

"Well..." started Sonic

"Let me guess, this is about the chaos emeralds, right?" interrupted Tails.

Tails: Don't you just love a fic where the "protagonist" becomes more and more unlikable with each passing minute?

Let the arguments commence...

Amy: Let that argument be one-sided, too. *rolls her eyes* Let the games begin.
Akiko: Let me guess, they're gonna argue, they're gonna fight, Tails the Stu will beat Sonic and get all the emeralds. Seriously, I'm gonna go to sleep in the next part.

"Bingo..." started Sonic "Tails I'm sure that even you should know by now that only me and Shadow can use the chaos emeralds and use them "correctly" right?"

Sonic: What the heck?! I would never say anything like that!
Sonia: Don't you just love a fic where a bad writer has to twist someone out of character to make their unlikable "protagonist" correct?
Sonic: No. And I give up.
Manic: You're switching?
Sonic: No. I'm just giving up.
Tails: Right before you're run over with a steamroller.
Sonic: *shrugs* I dunno. *as he pulls out a bottle of whiskey and pours a glass* I dunno.
Tomoko: Now we know that this fic's failin'. He's reaching for the bottle.

"That's true, or maybe not..." remarked Tails

"Huh?" remarked Sonic

Miyuki: *as Sonic* Yeah, you wanna be a little more vague, buddy?

"With this new strength I've gained, I feel like I can do anything really. Maybe even correctly control the chaos emeralds..." realized Tails

Akiko: Power trip alert! Power trip alert! Red flag!

"What? So you're confidence has grown in your own, but new, individual power?" asked Sonic

Sonia: Game breaking power. Also... *as she pulls out a red pen* ...it's "your".

"Very good. You're not as dumb as everyone thinks you are" commented Tails.

Sonic got angry at that comment.

Tomoko: Our fuckin' protagonist.
Amy: Kill him! Heck him up! Let the vultures pick at his corpse when you're through!
Akiko: Super dark.
Sonia: I'd normally blame Kyo for this, but... you were already this cross with terrible characters.
Manic: I hate this fic.

"Sorry pal, but, that doesn't mean you can use the chaos emeralds correctly" declared Sonic

Miyuki: *as Sonic* You're supposed to be a male hedgehog to do all of that!

"Maybe… maybe no…" commented Tails

"What about those weapons, huh?" asked Sonic

"What about them?" asked Tails

"I think they've changed you badly Tails" informed Sonic

"You think so, huh? Do tell…" remarked Tails

Amy: Strangle him.
Tails: On it. *beats "Tails" with a giant wrench*
Amy: Tails, no! I said "strangle"!
Tails: I know! That's why I'm doing this!
Sonia: And he's finally snapped... further.

"Well your personality and attitude has all changed in a bad way, you seclude yourself more, and you seem to be turning bad because you're hurting the others!!" shouted Sonic

Akiko: How dare you be correct in this bad fic where only Tails the Stu can be correct! You reasonable jerk!

"I see. But, you're wrong again…" started Tails "It's not that I've turned bad, I've just realized what fools you and the others can be. Especially when it comes to underestimating others" informed Tails

Manic: Oh, will you shut the fuck up about this "underestimating" bullshit? You're one of the worst characters that I've had to deal with in a long while, and that's sayin' something!
Amy: Sasha.
Manic: Her sociopathic ass can join that Tails Doll over there.
Tails: Good. They can burn together.
Sonic: Whoa. You're really snapping.

"Hmph" grunted Sonic

"By the way…" started Tails "Why did you secretly follow me into the jungle?" asked Tails

Miyuki: Your workshop is in the Mystic Ruins, you stilted dumbass! Everyone can see it!
Sonia: He's definitely not very bright. Also, that's some terrible narration. We didn't need "started Tails" and "asked Tails". It's useless padding.

"Heh, well, you seem to be interested in something and I wanted to see what it was, plus, I wanted to help you out as well, but I lost you" answered Sonic

"Good. Because I didn't need your help" remarked Tails.

Tomoko: You need a spanking. A hard one.
Amy: Corporal punishment really isn't a thing nowadays...
Tomoko: I'm not talking about spanking a random kid, Rose. I'm just gonna beat the spawn of Satan over there.

Sonic just grunted "Hmph" again.

Manic: *as Sonic* Okay, no more mint candy for you, buddy. I'll just shove it up your ass instead.
Tails: *chokes*

"What about you, huh?!" asked Tails

"Huh? What are you talking about?" asked Sonic

"Well…" started Tails "You always have to be the "hero" huh?"

Tails gave Sonic no time to respond, and kept going.

Tomoko: Oh, here we go with this bullshit.

"You're always revered to as a "hero" and yet you're the only person saving the people.

Akiko: Uh... the fic's in a section called Sonic the Hedgehog.
Tails: I think that bad clone really did forget the time where he saved Station Square and got praised for it.

You take all the glory yourself and you bask in that glory. You seem to never let anyone else have the spotlight, and you'd rather grab it for yourself, to bask in that glory again. I guess that's why you have such a big ego

Sonic: Excuse me?

and maybe even why you underestimate

Manic: Shut up. Please. Shut up for once in your wasteful life.

people like me and Cream. I guess I can say you're a "gloryhog"" informed Tails

Amy: Was that whiny and pissy little temper tantrum supposed to make me like this Stu? It didn't. It only managed to make me hate him even more.
Tails: Look, Sonic can be a bit cocky, and he has a habit of leaping before looking... but his heart has always been in the right place. It's why he's hailed as a hero.

"So, that's how it is, and going to be, huh?" asked Sonic

"That's right" replied Tails

"Then, I have no choice, "pal"" announced Sonic

"Actually, you did, and you wanted to fight me" informed Tails

Sonia: Am I being gaslighted?
Tails: Yes. Yes, you are.
Sonia: *narrows her eyes* Burn this fic.
Tails: I don't think burning this fic will be sufficient enough.

"Hmph" grunted Sonic

Sonic took out, and showed, he had the regular blue chaos emerald and threw it to the side with his right hand and got in a fighting stance.

Akiko: And then Silver stole it and warped to the future with it.
Miyuki: Alright, we don't need to see this crappy fight, then!

Tails threw his backpack to the side as well, but with his left hand and got in his fighting stance as well, with his weapons

This is it… can Tails win?!

Tomoko: *exasperated* Oh, my god, not this shit again. We already know that your hack ass isn't gonna let your badly written character lose. Just stop this crap.
Manic: Who knows? Maybe Sonic will actually hit him once.
Tomoko: I don't have high hopes for this junk.
Manic: You never did.
Tomoko: Yeah, true.

To be continued…

P.S.: Oh snap……………………………

Sonic: *flatly* Whee.

Note: I've only got one question for you guys. "Are. You. Ready?" '

Miyuki: No. Is this crap over yet?
Amy: After this, we have nine more chapters left.
Miyuki: Ugh.

Chapter 26: Speed of Light!!

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There was another standoff. This time, it was a standoff between Tails and Sonic.

Sonia: *with a dunce cap on her head* No, really? I couldn't have guessed. I must've developed amnesia while I was reading the last chapter.
Tails: Wish it was a standoff between me and a nice root beer float.
Amy: *removes Sonia's dunce cap and proceeds to fold a crane* I really should make more than just cranes and flowers, but they're fun to make.

The wind blew again and blew Tails' and Sonic's fur as well. But, the voice contacted Tails again. Once again, it was been awhile since the voice contacted Tails.

Manic: Oh, lord. Not this stupid voice again.

"So... it's finally time..." realized the voice

"Yeah..." remarked Tails

"Don't worry. Now that the weapons' power has finally circulated throughout your ENTIRE body, you have nothing to worry about" informed the voice

Sonic: Didn't it already do that before...? Never mind, nobody cares about this.

"Are you sure about that? I think you're underestimating Sonic. He's MUCH better than that" informed Tails

Manic: What's this? Someone who ain't the Stu is getting "underestimated"? Color me shocked!
Miyuki: "Remarked". "Informed". "Replied". "Announced".
Sonia: We have too many ways for a person to just say "said".
Akiko: Let the thesaurus breathe!

"Hmph. You'll see when the time comes..." remarked the voice.

Tails: Is it possible to hate a disembodied voice?
Tomoko: Yes.
Tails: Then I hate it.

Tails wasn't sure what the voice meant by that, but, he had no time to worry about that now. The only thing he was worried about, was obviously, fighting Sonic

Que: "It Doesn't Matter" (Sonic's theme; Sonic Adventure 1/2)

Sonic: Uh... which version? It was different in those two games.
Tails: Please. Just listen to some more "Kingdom Hearts" music because the Stuthor hates you.

Sonic disappeared.

Sonic: So did I. Bye. *gets up* Ain't reading this crap. Nope.
Sonia: You are allowed to switch. However... we don't have much left. Are you sure you want to do this?
Sonic: *sits down* Never mind.

Tails just smirked and grunted "Hmph." Tails disappeared as well. Sonic reappeared in the area that was behind Tails. But, Tails was gone.

Tails: Gone. Much like everyone's constantly waning interest in this so-called magnum opus.
Miyuki: Sonia's rubbing off on you now, huh?
Tails: Probably.

"What?!" gasped Sonic

Akiko: Can you gasp an exclamation out?

Tails reappeared behind Sonic and surprised him with a quick kick with his right foot to Sonic's back, which he quickly turned into his intense duel ground slashing combos.

Manic: *takes two shots* I lost count.
Sonic: Tomoko counted to sixty-seven. How did you lose count before you hit twenty?
Manic: Do you remember my shots?
Sonic: ...no.
Manic: Uh-huh. Tails?
Tails: *on his Miles Electric* You've now taken ten shots. Forget twenty, you've lost count before you hit fifteen. That? *chuckles* That's pretty terrible, Manic.

Eventually, Tails threw Sonic into the air with an underhand backward slash.

Akiko: Wow, something different for once!

Tails followed Sonic by flying into the air and doing his intense duel aerial slashing combos

Akiko: ...never mind. Double drink!
Manic: *takes two shots* Twelve.

which Tails ended with his X cross slash

Akiko: Never mind, seriously!
Sonia: *takes a shot of whiskey*

which forced Sonic to hit the ground and he hit it hard.

Amy: Wasn't that line said before as well?
Miyuki: This is a lotta padding for thirty-six chapters.
Akiko: Lamest fight scenes ever.

Sonic easily got up, but couldn't believe what just happened.

"But how? Only me and Shadow can go that fast!!" claimed Sonic

Tomoko: He'd never say that, either.
Sonia: He'd never mangle English like that, either.

"Well... I guess not anymore..." remarked Tails

"It must be those weapons again!! I guess this is going to be much harder than I thought it would be!!" realized Sonic

Miyuki: And cheaper.

But, Tails knew that Sonic already knew how to combat his own speed. Especially after fighting Shadow multiple times. Tails only surprised him.

Tails and Sonic had a speed of light fight now, reappearing and disappearing in different places at different times.

Akiko: So... we're just going to go to the other part of lame fight scene writing. Nobody can see it because they're too fast. Ugh!

Although, they always reappeared in front of one another trying to attack one another. But, their attacks were always cancelled out as they tried to attack at the same time. This kept going on for quite some time. At least about ten minutes passed before anything happened. Eventually, Tails figured out what to do.

Sonic: *snores*
Amy: *nudges Sonic awake*
Tomoko: This crap took ten minutes in real time? I like a long fight, but someone's gonna get winded.

During their next reappearance in front of one another, Tails let Sonic try to attack him, but Tails quickly sidestepped and quickly turned it into his intense duel aerial slashing combo

Manic: Oh, come on! *takes two shots*
Amy: And that makes fourteen.

that Tails ended the same way as before. Tails was able to do four duel aerial slashing combos using this tactic.

Manic: Do I have to take eight shots now?
Sonia Two times four is eight. Sorry, Manic.
Manic: *takes eight shots, cursing after each shot*
Tails: Now he's reached twenty-two. Also... wow... I never knew that he'd let out a stream of curse words.

That is until Sonic got tired of it.

Tomoko: I got tired of that "slashing duel combo" bullshit long ago. So did everyone else.

Sonic used his speed to run all around Tails really fast. Tails got somewhat scared. Sonic then started attacking, at what seemed like, all angles and all around Tails. Tails was actually getting hurt!!

Everyone except Tomoko: *applauds*
Sonia: Wait, wait, wait. We're cheering on an eight year old getting beaten up.
Everyone except Tomoko: *stops applauding*
Tails: *claps loudly*
Amy: Well, I guess Tails is the only one who gets to clap now.
Tails: Cream got beaten up earlier, and she's six. Let me clap for this terrible clone of mine getting beaten up.

This kept up for a long time as well, and it seemed like Sonic wouldn't stop until Tails fell unconscious.

Amy: Never mind, clap harder!
Everyone except Tomoko: *applauds*

Tails couldn't let that happen, not after everything he's done so far and even getting this far. Then, Tails remembered something.

Tomoko: He has an ass pull power.
Akiko: Oh, no, please!
Manic: Here we freakin' go.

Tails closed his eyes, concentrated, and seemed to be digging down deep for something. Then...

A powerful orangish aura exploded from Tails' body. Tails' eyes began to glow in the same orange color as well.

Miyuki: Man, this is some bullshit. He was already a Stu. Then he became a bigger Stu. Now he's an even bigger Stu.
Sonic: New and incredibly dumb abilities as the plot demands.

Tails spinned really fast counter-clockwise with his blades extended. He stopped Sonic's attack and was able to slash the crap out of Sonic as well. He sent him through the air and appearing behind him and slashing him all around this area. When he slashed Sonic, Tails quickly reappeared behind Sonic in the direction he was going and slashed him time after time. This kept up for about three minutes before Tails forced Sonic to hit the ground hard again with his X cross slash.

Sonia: *takes a shot of whiskey* Sonic should be dead. This is dumb. This entire fic is dumb.
Amy: Some friend he is. Some protagonist he is.

Sonic easily got up again, but couldn't believe what he was seeing and was wide-eyed and speechless.

Tails: He should be ribbons, yet he's getting up? Meanwhile, Knuckles... who is physically stronger than Sonic, gets beaten up in twenty seconds?
Amy: Also note that Cream had better stamina than Knuckles. And she wasn't using Cheese.
Miyuki: Pretty sure this Stuthor doesn't know what he's writing. Doesn't care enough about anyone else unless they're named after you, Tails.
Amy: Uh-huh. And even then, he's making you out to be the worst character in this whole thing. Remember, he claims that he likes you.
Tails: Love hurts.

It seems the fight is even now. So... can Tails beat Sonic in this new "state"?

Tomoko: Yes, now stop this crap. Nobody's impressed here.

To be continued...

P.S.: Hmm...

Tails: *sarcastically* Wonderful. Informative. What useful information.
Sonic: *as he buries his face in his hands* I don't know if I want to stay or switch.
Sonia: We'll give you a few minutes to think it over.
Sonic: *groans*

--

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