Mystery Science Theater En Masse: The Movie

Super Special 1: A Cruel Angel's Thesis (Part Fifteen)

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Note: Sonic, James, and Tomoko will be your main riffers for this chapter.

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Chapter 15 - Heat of the Night

Jessie: *begins playing her harmonica*

A steady stream of limousines flowed to and from the enterance of Takanawa Prince Hotel*.

Sonic: Emi, it looks like we have a footnote.
Emi: Um... it's not there, Sonic.
Sonic: *blinks* Are you serious?
Emi: Yes. I guess the Suethor forgot to put it in.
Tomoko: She was probably too caught up in kissing her own ass while writing this crap.

The "Room of the Phoenix" was reserved for the night, and the staff and contestants of the King of Fighters tournament bustled in glamourous attire (usually not seen so often on them, as you may guess).

James: Number one, let's direct you to the KOF '98 pictures. Number two, stop holding my bloody hand. Fuckin' hell, I'm tired of these hack writers talking down to us like we're toddlers.
Tomoko: You and me both, Daniels.

"Oh, good evening ."
Chizuru greeted Shizuku and Itsuki, nearly blinding them with the embedded beads of pearls all over her evening gown. Her dress, a magnificent pure white dress, can be easily mistaken for a wedding gown, but it didn't seem to bother her.
"Yo."
"I see you two managed to smuggle in just fine."
"Yes we did, thanks to the fake ID's you've given us!"
Shizuku waved the two plates of plastic as she winked at Chizuru.

Rory: *weary, sighs* That doesn't make any sense...
Kyo K.: No, it doesn't. She actually plays everything straight.
Tomoko: So this hack just ruined another character so she could bend over to the Sue and her flunkies, huh?
Sonic: Yeah, pretty much.

"I'm glad I could be of service for you. Well, today's going to be the last to have all of the fighters in one place, so take a good look at them."
"Of course, that's our plan for the night, Chizuru san."
"At least, we're not gonna fight. For a while, that is. So let's just do our job, Shizuku."
"Right, brother."

James: Oh, so we're going to halt the fighting for more soap opera crap.
Tomoko: Damn. Of all the chapters that I had to riff, it had to be one of those chapters.

The two were about to enter the room when Chizuru stopped them.
"Ah, chotto matte (wait a minute)..."
"Huh?"
"Itsuki kun, your bow tie's on crooked.  Let me fix it for you."
"Uh....well, thanks..."
Shizuru turned around from the two, and fussed at the collar of her tight china dress in irritance.
"I really wished you two would mind my presence..."

Sonic: Jeez, you're worse than Sonia! The spotlight doesn't need to be on you all the time!

"Oooo, that's caviar!"
Shingo exclaimed as he dashed towards the buffet tables. Ruka has already beat him to the table, and was scarfing down the many dishes that were laid on the table for the peoples' enjoyment.

Sonic: It wasn't cute when I riffed "A Story of Destined Love", and it's not cute here. The "big eater" thing only flies when everyone else isn't starving because of you.

"Woah!  This thing's good! Hey, Hotaru, try some!"
"Uh, NO thanks, Ruka. Gosh, this is too embarassing...."
Hotaru hid her bright red face in her hand.
"Gack!!  What the hell!?"
"Shingo kun, caviar's meant to be eaten in small quantities on crackers and stuff, and not to be eaten by the table spoon like that."
"Ick, really!? No wonder it's so salty..."

James: Get it? It's because Shingo doesn't know what manners are.
Tomoko: *scoffs* Suethor really loves making everyone dumber in this crap, huh?
James: It's what bad writers do best.

"Hey, look over there! Let's check the food over there too!"

Sonic: And whatever that food was, that was eaten, too. Enjoy the apocalypse.

Kira's neck was starting to get sore from staring at the chandelier that sparkled above.

Tomoko: Then why the hell are you staring at it, you dumbass?
Sonic: This is the same person who drank vodka after singing too hard.
James: And the same person who ran in heels twice already.
Tomoko: Darwin's sound asleep, huh?
James: Yep.

"I can't believe how much money the Kagura Enterprise has! I mean, look at all these expensive looking things!"
"Yeah, I heard they own this hotel too. But for real, this is the biggest room I've seen! And this is reserved for the night, right?"
Raiya agreed out loud, unable to keep his jaws shut from awe.

James: Is this another excuse to have the Sue being bathed in luxury?
Sonic: Yeah, pretty much.
Tomoko: Jeez, she's a bigger snob than Jade is. Everywhere this damn Sue goes involves expensive stuff. Her apartment's expensive, her hump buddy's apartment is expensive, she has an expensive necklace, and now she's at a fancy party? Really?
James: It's pure wish-fulfillment. Suethors and Stuthors always did that stuff back in the day.
Sonic: "Back in the day"? They still do! Look at Ana Steele whining about how hard it is for her to be rich!
James: Oh, right. That selfish moron can just take a walk off a short pier for all I care.

"Okay, enough observing of the room, you two. Let's get down to business."
"Aw Fubuki, you're as much a tight-ass as that tux you're wearing!"
"Yeah, let's just forget about our 'mission' for this one night, Fubuki."
"Wh...what? But..."
Unprepared of the responces he got, Fubuki struggled to answer.

Tomoko: *sighs* Tsukino's right; he does have the personality of a dust mite. At least she can let loose once in a while.

"Come to think of it, Itsuki and Shizuku are in here checking out that Yamazaki dude and that Leona girl, right?"
"Yeah. But that doesn't mean there's no other Orochi involved in this tournament..."
"Once the tournament begins, then we'll have our chances. We don't have to get psyched up just yet."
"...!!"
Kira added, as she smiled with Riaya. Fubuki lost his trail of defense...
"SO, let's party for tonigh, shall we?"
"Cool! See you two back at our hotel room!"
The two trotted off without waiting for their "leader's" decision. Fubuki watched them diappear into the crowd, and sighed.

Sonic: Wait, they're not melting like bad Terminator clones?
James: For once, yeah.

"A ha! I just love high class parties like these!"
Yuri exclaimed as she swayed her hips, enjoying how the silk dress moved with her contour. Ryo followed her, tugging uneasily at his collar.
"Don't be so jittery, Yuri. You're embarrassing me."

Tomoko: At least you don't have a Mary Sue going after your crotch, so be grateful for your sister there.

"But," King said after taking a sip from her wine, "I think this is the first time I've actually seen you in clothes other than your karate uniform. You actually look nice!"
"Man, don't tease me like that, King..."
Ryo's face turned violently red as he scratched his head. Robert chuckled at the sight.
"If you know she's teasin' ya, why's your face blushing like that, bud?"
"Shut up!"
Yuri tugged at the sleeve of Robert's teal tuxedo (and my, how Italians look good in those vivid colors!).

James: *annoyed* And my, Suethor, why won't you shut the bloody hell up so you can let us read your word vomit in so-called peace?

"Um, I'm getting a bit thirsty. Let's go get something to drink, Robert."
"Huh? But I don't...."
"L.E.T.S. G.O!"
She finally got a grip of Robert by his ear, and the two dragged off, leaving Ryo and King.

Sonic: Uh, Yuri's not that rude or violent towards Robert. And that made it sound like she was spelling it out instead of saying it for emphasis.
James: That's a first! A canon character's being warped out of character without being in earshot of that damn Mary Sue!
Tomoko: If I wanted to see a woman getting violent towards a guy, I'd watch "Everybody Loves Raymond".
Jayleen: You... watch American sitcoms?
Tomoko: I can explain--
Jayleen: *laughs* No, you can't!

"Dummy! It might be a chance for brother to get more close to a woman!"
"Oh, I see! But I wonder if Ryo's good enough with women to not blow that chance off....."
The two looked back at their teammate from a distance.

"What were they ramblin' about??"
Ryo muttered, scratching his head again in confusion. The orchestra in the corner of the room began their mellow performance.
"Ryo."
"Huh?"
King smiled and held her slender arm out.
"Shall we dance?"

Sonic: Dance outta this fic while you're at it. Hurry! Get out before the Sue ruins you!

"Um, excuse me...."
"Yes?"
"Aren't you the vocalist of the group that performs at 'Hersperia'...?"

James: What's a "Hersperia"? Are you drunk?
Sonic: *facepalms* Oh, great. Now we have another character who's gonna shill that Sue.

Kira turned around to face a tall man with short silver hair. Despite his fine tuxedo, his broad chest and muscular arms were evident. The silver earings on his left ear glittered in the dim light. Following him was a tall woman with long red hair in a neat ponytail. Her face was covered with her long bangs. And behind her was a young boy with clear blue eyes and a charming smile. He folded his arms behind his head.

Sonic: Oh, never mind, it's just Yashiro and his group.
Tomoko: Why is this Suethor explaining who they are when we already know who they are?!
James: Especially since we first saw them in the third damn chapter. This Suethor's really upping the hand-holding, isn't she?
Tomoko: No kidding.
Sonic: Well, to be fair, she's never seen them before now. It's just written poorly, so it comes off as hand-holding.
James: Oh. I see now.

"Y, yes?"
The woman stepped closer, resting her arm around the man's neck.
"Fu fu, Yashiro here's a big fan of yours, you see. He goes to your live concerts two or three times a week!"
"Shermie!"
The man exclaimed at her as he looked back.
"Oh, really? Thank you."
The boy stepped up too from the man's other side.
"But unfortunately, we have to fight your team in the next match."
"Eh?"
The man, called Yashiro, forced an awkward smile.

All: We know who he is!
Sonic: Might as well start making dunce caps for everyone now.
Tomoko: And now we know that they're gonna lose. Guess we don't need to read that fight scene.

"Well, I just wanted to talk to you before the match, so...."
Yashiro held out his huge hand, and Kira returned it with a shake. But the minute their hands met, a strange feeling coursed through Kira's body. Like an electric bolt.
"!!?"

James: It was 2,000 volts coursing through her body. The Sue was fried harder than a bad pork chop. The End. *pauses* Please clap.
Mai: *applauds*
James: Just Mai?
Mai: I'm feeling generous today, James. *continues sketching*

"Well, we'll leave you alone now. Please be kind to us at the match, OK?"
The woman said cheerfully as she turned around. Her deep red ponytail swayed with her silken movement. The boy trotted behind her.
"Yoroshiku! (Nice talking to ya)"
"Yo.....yoroshiku....."
Kira muttered as she saw the trio melt back into the sea of people, rubbing her hand.

Rory: *sputters* Did they just morph into people?! What the-- *flails*
Sonic: This writing's awful.

(That feeling, that could only mean.....but can it be?)

Tomoko: Yes, now shut up! It's not dramatic if we already know who's part of the Orochi in this damn universe!

Clark stuffed his mouth with a roll of bread with great appetite.
"Fuh, this is the first normal meal in weeks, isn't it, Ralf?"
"Yeah. Sure tastes good!"
Leona shook her head as she attacked the buttered carrot on her plate.

Sonic: Leona the killer rabbit. Coming soon to theaters.

"But I still don't understand why we had to stay in the jungle until two days before the tournament!?"
Ralf waved his finger at her.
"Tch, tch, tch...I told you it was all for training so we can get prepared for this tournament."
Clark shrugged, buttering another roll of bread.

James: Yeah, but nothing can prepare you for the mind warping Mary Sue who's going to ruin it to shit.

"I don't mind the training at all, but can't we do something about the food?"
"Aw, don't say that, Clark!  Leona's trying hard with the cooking! And it's all after the training too! Right, Leona?"
Losing grip on the carrot, Leona blushed.
"I, I'll try harder with the meals next time...."

Tomoko: Yeah, at least you tried. Putting effort into things is for losers. Just ask that Sue.
Sonic: Okay, now I'm confused. I thought that they had to win the preliminaries so they can be at the party. And now they came out of the jungle? What kind of time warping nonsense is this?
Rory: The kind of time warping nonsense that makes no friggin' sense.

"!"
Fubuki was wondering around the room aimlessly, watching people and munching on the food once in a while, but a familiar face made him freeze in his track.
"Yo, what's up?"
Iori approached him with a triumphant grin. Fubuki only managed to glare up at him.
"Hmph, it seems you know what happened between me and Kira, by your looks."

James: Miyuki's right; he's definitely OOCori.
Sonic: No kidding. He wouldn't be all smug about sleeping with somebody like that!
James: Wouldn't he just kick her out of his place?
Sonic: And that's probably the best thing that he'll do.

Hearing Kira's name from his lips, Fubuki jerked his vision to the floor.
"....I.....I'll have to respect Kira's decision..."
Iori smirked, and was to pass by Fubuki, when he was grabbed by the collar.
"BUT!!" Fubuki yelled, directing a couple of the people's attention. "If you hurt Kira in any way, I will KILL you, no matter what I'll have to do with you....!"

Tomoko: This is stupid. He only has a personality when that stupid Sue's involved. Why is this useless bastard even here?
James: So he can kiss her arse.
Tomoko: He can kiss my ass and get the hell outta this damn fic.

"Now Andy, say aaaahhh...."
"W, we're in public for crying out loud, Mai!"
Terry couldn't help laughing at the sight, though he's seen similar scenes so many times of these two.
"Hm? Joe, you're not eating?"

James: Of course he isn't. Who would want to eat the shit that this fic's giving everyone right now?

"Naw, I'm on a diet right now."
"A diet!?"
Terry almost spat out the beer he was gulping down.
"If I lose 5 pounds from today, I'll be able to attend the winning ceremony in my best condition. I've gotta look my best, ya know!"
Mai shook her head in disbelief.
"Yeah, right...."

Sonic: Okay, why was this scene so short? And how come we don't have any details in it?
Tomoko: Because we needed to get back to Mrs. Shang Tsung over there.
James: What's the point? Why are they even mentioned if the Suethor's just going to give them a giant middle finger?
Sonic: Because... reasons.

"Hey, Kira!"

Tomoko: See?
Sonic: Unfortunately, I can see it clearly.

Kira turned at the familiar voice.
"Hi, Kyo."
"Can I talk to you for a minute?"
"Huh?"

James: He just asked to talk to you, you bloody deaf idiot. Get the wax out of your ears.

Iori stole a glass of brandy for a waiter passing by, and drank it in one gulp. Looking up, he noticed two figures hurrying towards the balcony that lead to the garden behind the hotel. (Kyo and Kira....?)

Tomoko: *sighs* Great. Here comes the cheesy ass drama.
Sonic: *as he's eating a few cheese cubes* Yeah, no kidding.
Manic: *takes some of the cubes* Sharing is caring, bro.
Sonic: You know, you can just order some cheese yourself...
Manic: Don't feel like it.
Sonic: *shrugs*

The balcony made of thick marble was covered with vines, displaying its long history. The sky was a deep black, and the crescent moon shimmered above.
"Now, expalin to me everything."
"What?"

James: *slaps Kira on the back of her head* Stop trying to act stupid, you two-faced puppeteer. Spill the beans.
Sonic: She's trying to act innocent when she's anything but. We've read the last fourteen chapters. And we clearly saw how two-faced she was being with Athena in the last chapter.
James: No kidding. She was all, "Let's finish our fight at the KOF tournament!" in the ninth chapter, and in the last one, she acted like an arse to her, and insulted her behind her back.
Tomoko: There's always something special about twits like her who like to talk behind everyone's backs.
James: Yeah, they're just a special kind of cowardly.

"Don't act like you don't have a clue with me, Kira. Why have you entered such a dangerous tournament like this!?"
"Hmmmm...." Kira gestured as if she was in deep thoughts. "To kill time, I guess..."

Kyo L.: Bull! And! Shit!
Tomoko: Number one, she doesn't need to be protected. Especially since she's a Mary Sue who puts no effort into her fights, and he's dumber than a bag of damn hammers.
James: And number two, why is he only concerned about her dumb arse? Why isn't he saying the same thing to his own friends if he's so worried? He should be saying this to his teammates, to Athena and Kensou, and especially Shingo!
Sonic: Yeah, that would make sense if he wasn't being warped to kiss her feet and butt all the time.

"Look, Kira. I may not be really bright in studying and stuff, but I'm not that stupid.

Sonic: No, you're right. You're just incredibly stupid.

This tournament's somehow deeply involved with the Orochi power. And you're involved now too, right?"
"Kyo...."

James: Why are they being stupid in this? He already knows that she gave him the ability to use his flames in the second chapter! So why the fuck are we dragging this shit out?!
Tomoko: For "drama".
Sonic: And it's because they have to be stupid to make the plot go further. It's a very old thing in bad stories like this one.

"Kusanagi, Yagami, Kagura, Orochi, and now Kushinada.....there's too much of the legend in one place for a coincidence...tell me, Kira, what's going on!?"
Kira lost her words at the sight of Kyo's serious eyes.
"I.....it's....."

Tomoko: And cue the interruption. Because we needed to draw this crap out for as long as possible so that the audience gets bored.
Sonic: Oh, you're beyond bored, Tomoko.
Tomoko: Can you blame me, Hedgehog?
Sonic: Nope.

Gsha!

"!?"
"Hey, so you were over here, Kira?"
Iori stepped out of the dark bushes from behind the two and grabbed Kira's wrist.

Sonic: When'd he turn into some weird version of Batman?
Tomoko: Since this fic existed.

"Ya, Yagami!!?"
"Iori!"
"I was gettin' worried back there not seeing you in the room..."

James: *sarcastically* Yeah, this is definitely not gettin' creepy at all.

Before the two can respond, Iori pulled her closer, and forced his lips on hers. Kyo's eyes flew open.

Everyone except James: *groans in disgust*
James: *sarcastically* Yep. Definitely not creepy.
Sonia: Ugh. And this is supposed to be romantic? This is supposed to be the ideal romantic pairing in this fic?
Sonic: *sarcastically* Yeah, nothing's more romantic than treating the woman like a prize or a trophy to be won!

"Wh....what the....!!?"
"Oh, you were here, Kyo? I didn't notice you...."
Iori smirked bitterly.
"What are you doing here with my woman?"

Tomoko: ...I'm going to choke him for that.
Sonic: Darn, he's so OOC that someone else just went back into character for a brief moment in this thing.

"Wo...woman!??"
Kyo stared at Iori blankly, then at Kira. His hand resting on her shoulder. Iori's confident smile. Kira's eyes staring down and away from him.
".....a....."
Kyo felt his heart sink into his stomach, and without a word, slowly lugged back towards the ballroom.

James: And then he died because his stomach acids dissolved his heart.
Benimaru: Why is he being disappointed here? Did he forget that the Sue used Yuki to guilt him two chapters ago?
Mai: He definitely did.
Sonia: He really didn't get the hint that she rejected him during that time, huh?
Mai: He has the brain power that is equivalent to a spool of thread. Of course he didn't get the hint.

"Kyo...."
"Hm....Ha ha hahaha!! Did you see Kyo's face!? That pale face of defeat! I didn't know he had it for you too..!"

PAaa....nn!!

It took a while for the pain to sting his cheek from the impact. Kira stared at Iori with cold eyes.
"So that's what I am to you, Iori?"
"!?"
"You wanted me to get even with Kyo?  Because I was close to him? You just wanted to use me to hurt him!!?"
Her eyes scoured at Iori's chest. He wanted to say something to justify his actions, but how could he when he's so unused to expressing his feelings?  Silence seeped between them like tar.

Sonic: *raises a hand* Um, uh... listen, we don't like the fact that you were used, but it's pretty much a big double standard here. I mean, you are using the whole canon cast to serve your benefits.
James: Pot, meet kettle.
Tomoko: This is why I hate Mary Sues. They enjoy doing everything to everyone else until it happens to them, and we're supposed to feel sorry for their dumb asses. Respect is supposed to be earned, not Sued the hell up.

The moon dimly lit the streak of tear that traced down Kira's white cheek.

Sonic: *makes a face* Really? Really? We're doing this now?
James: And she cried a single tear! Oh, my god-- *begins laughing*
Miyu: Oh, my god, who littered this time?!
Akiko: *laughs*
Tomoko: *facepalms* Oh, fuck me sideways. Now we're doing this special snowflake shit? Doesn't work for the Sue who was all rebellious and crap earlier!

"That's all I am to you, right....?"

Sonic: This is also coming from the Sue who has four guys lusting over her. She's using those guys for her own gain, and that's okay.
James: Once again, pot, meet kettle. This really is "A Cruel Angel's Feces".

With that, she slowly turned her back to Iori, and walked towards the hotel. Iori's eyes furiously stared at her figure receeding into the distance.
"....!!!"
But the guilt that knotted in his throat did allow him to say anything.

Tomoko: And he's the bad guy for using her. But she can use him along with everyone else. Yeah, okay. Screw this stupid crap fic. What do you guys call a fic that pisses you off again?
Sonic: An Epic Failure.
Tomoko: Yeah, that's what this is. This fic fails.
Akiko: Are we stamping? Do we have stamps? Jade, are you stamping?
Jayleen: I might as well. After all, I'm only observing. I assumed that Nakamura would have more tolerance... oh, never mind, this fic is incredibly awful.
Tomoko: We're finally agreeing on something, Jade.

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