Mystery Science Theater En Masse: The Movie

Super Special 1: A Cruel Angel's Thesis (Part Seventeen)

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Note: Amy, Emi, and Rory will mainly tackle this chapter.

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Chapter 17 - The New Pollution

Rory: Holy crap, we're getting a Captain Planet villain in this?!
Amy: *laughs*

"Ow...."
"Hold still, Chris!"
Shermie was unsuccessfully attempting to put a bandage on Chris' scraped nose.
"Well, that tournament ended kinda quick for us, didn't it?"

Emi: Yes. Just like my patience with this fic.

"Yeah, they were pretty good, you know, though? But I did expect to go a bit further in the tournament...."
"Well....they were...she was really good....."
Staring blankly at the ceiling, Yashiro sighed at himself, not realizing Shermie's eyes fixed on him.

Rory: Oh, god, stop with the fapping over how wonderful she is, please! I mean... come on!
Amy: I'm so tired of these idiotic mouthpieces shilling that idiot. *sighs* Miss Kirishima? Please stamp one for me.
Jayleen: Already done, Rose.

"So much for the revenge, then!"
"We'll think of something, Shermie."
"So are we calling quits for today?"
Chris hopped out of his chair, rubbing his patched bruises with his thumb.
"Yeah, guess so, squirt. Sorry, you two....."

Emi: *weary* Can I quit this fic?
Rory: *tired* I want to quit, too...
Amy: You know that we can't quit. Come on, we can do this!
Rory: This is coming from the one who asked for a failure stamp like six seconds ago...
Amy: But I never said that I was quitting, Rory!
Rory: Alright, fine.

A suite room of the Takanawa Prince Hotel.

Rory: Is... that a sentence?

Shizuku and Hotaru were stretched out comfortably on the queen bed, watching the matches of othere fighters.
"So, where did your team go again, Hotaru?"
"Paris. Ruka only remembers what he ate, but the view was spectacular!"
"And of course you won, since you're still in this hotel?"
"Piece of cake!"
"Huh, I envy you, Hotaru! At least, you got out of the country...guess where our first match was!?"
"I heard from Fubuki san...."
Hotaru giggled at Kira, who just came out of the bathroom taking a long shower.

Emi: *groans* And of course we have to go back to her. Ugh.
Rory: Oh, we know why the shower was long. Probably spent all of that time admiring how wonderful she was.

"Ore no kachi da! (This is my victory)"
"Game's Over! Kyo Kusanagi, Benimaru Nikaidou, and Goro Daimon enters the third round with no problem!"
"Yatta! (Yeah) Kusanagi san made it too!"
Hotaru jumped up in excitement. Kira let out a sigh of relief, and headed to the other room when Shizuku called out.
"Hm? Where ya going Kira chan?? Yagami kun's match's gonna start in a minute."
"I know the result already."
She winked at her friend, and left the room.

Rory: Wait, she's worried about Kyo's team making it, but is like, "Oh, I know Iori's going to win!" Even though Kyo's team won the tournament? Just... why... ugh... I need a drink.
Amy: You know the rules, Rory. The Mary Sue's "twu luv" can be Stu-ified.
Emi: I'm wondering just how Stu-ified he'll be, actually. Maybe he'll be so overpowered that it'll extend into his family's history.
Tails: I'm still worried about the "actual" family history in this fic.
Emi: We'll find out when we get there, Tails.

An arcade center in Shibuya. A crowd was forming around a booth, where Chris was continuing on his beat-by-37 winning streak.

Amy: If that's not a nod to an SNK fighting game, I don't know what is.

Raiya's words flashed back in his mind as he easily downed his opponent with well-timed comboes.
(Oi oi! You want me to brawl with a KID? H, hey Fubuki. Will I get caught for child battery for this??)
"Damn!"
Chris bit his lips in agitation.
"WHOA!! A flawless victory~!! (guess what game this is..^_^;)"

Rory: KOF x Mortal Kombat.
Emi: *giggles*
Amy: *sighs* Also, would you please stop with the author's notes, Suethor? It's tiring.
Emi: And so are the smilies.

"Hmph."
Despite the increasing excitement of the gallery, Chris brushed his hair out of his face and turned his back to the machine.
"This is getting boring.  Hey you, you can take my place."
"Wh, what!?"
With the eyes of the crowd fixed on him in awe, Chris strolled out of the arcade.

Rory: What's with all of the fancy prose? Why couldn't the fic just say that he walked out?
Amy: Because that's simple writing. And we can't have that.
Emi: I disagree. It fits him. I mean... he moonwalks instead of just walking backwards.

(Hmph, treating ME like a kid!) To Chris, who's been hanging around Yashiro and Shermie, who are much older than he, being thought of as a child was the worst insult.

Emi: Um... I thought that he used his age and features to his advantage. He actually was a sneaky person.
Rory: I'm confused.
Emi: About what?
Rory: How is this Suethor doing the research in some parts of the canon while hacking other parts of it into teeny tiny bits?
Emi: I have no idea, Mr. Hancock.

It was already past 1 AM, but Chris didn't give a damn. He, after all, was living in the adult world, and a part of it! Or at least, that was what he thought.
"Hmmm....? It's past your bed time, child?"
Chris' cute face distorted miserably at the voice that came behind him.
"HEY, Mister! I'm not in a really good mood today! You shouldn't add grease to a fire like that!"

Amy: You're right. Add some water to it, too. It'll perfectly demonstrate the disaster that is this fic right now.

He glared voilently up to the man behind him, tall in a dark navy coat. On his chest shines a huge cross.
"Really? But I know how to make you more noticed. Accepted. Do you know what I mean?"
Chris blinked for a moment.

Rory: *confused* Uh... is he taking Chris to a NAMBLA gathering?
Amy: Eww, Rory, no!

 ".....does that mean people won't treat me like a kid anymore?"
The man silently smiled. A broad grin.

Emi: I think Mr. Hancock's right. He's taking him to a NAMBLA gathering.
Amy: *flails* Stop it! You know that you two are saying these things while Tails is here?!
Rory: He's got some giant headphones on right now! He can't hear a thing! He also missed Tomoko's and Cassy's cursing streaks, so... yeah.

"What do you want me to do?"
"Power, child. If I awaken the power that sleeps in you, everyone in the world will have to accept you. The magnificent power in you. And I know how to."

Amy: Uh... that's what you want to do. You didn't tell him what he had to do.

Chris smiled up at the man, and held out his hand.
"You got a deal! What's your name, mister?"
"Oh, just call me Goenitz......"

Amy: ...okay, never mind, now I see what you two were talking about.
Rory: Told ya.

"...!!!"
A black lighnting struch Kira's body violently as she broke down into a crouch in the hotel's hallway. She hugged herself in attempt to calm herself, but the heartbeat that rang in her ears seemed to be shrieking.

Emi: Is she going to die of a heart attack?
Amy: Unfortunately, no.

"This is.......the release of an Orochi power!? But how can that!?"
Using the wall to hold herself up, Kira weakly got up from the floor.
"I've gotta hurry!!"

Rory: Uh... is this trying to show us that she has weaknesses of reacting to things? Because the last handful of chapters showed us otherwise.

Emi: Well, my spirit's been broken from reading this fic, so can you fix that?

Startled at the sudden voice from behind, Shermie hurled her head around, her long pony tail trailing behind her.

Amy: I thought that Shermie had two ponytails.
Emi: She did.

There stood the tall man with his dark blue coat and short blond hair, his platinum earring gleaming in the moon light.

Rory: Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's Goenitz, we know. I mean, we know that Shermie's never seen him, but seriously, come on!

"!!? It's none of your business. Who the hell are you, anyway!?"
"I'm an ally of yours....."
"Hmph!"
Shermie jumped out of the swing and kicked it at the man, she herself walking off. The man shrugged.
".........Of course, it's very easy for me to revive one's heart that's moving away from another......"
Again, Shermie felt her heart jolt at a dangerous pace.
"...really?"
The man smiled.
"Just leave it up to me..."

Amy: Oh, something tells me that this is going to kickstart yet another dumb drama scene. Wonderful.

Kon kon kon.....gcha!

"Ki....Kira!? What are you doing here so late in the night like this!??"
Startled at the unexpected guest, Fubuki hid behind the door he just opened Actually, all he had on was his boxers, since he was going to bed now. ^_^;

Rory: *facepalms, sighs* Jiminy Crickets. Stop with the stupid smilies, Suethor.
Amy: Is this supposed to imply that he's attractive? Because trust me, what he said to Shermie in the last chapter rendered him unattractive to practically everyone in this theater.
Emi: Maybe this is implying that the guys who pine for the Sue are attractive.
Amy: Probably.

Kira didn't answer and didn't really cared what her friend and team mate was wearing at that moment.

Kyo L.: Because he wasn't Iori. Which was why she immediately didn't get on her knees and suck his--
Miyu, Jessie, Cassy: Kyo!
Kyo L.: *smirks* She can't suck a Kyo. *points at Kyo K.* Except for that one.
Kyo K.: Damn it, Fox Clone. Would you get your mind out of the gutter for two seconds?

"I just got a call from Chizuru. They're leaving for London tonight."
"??"

Rory: Yeah, my thoughts exactly. Who the hell are "they"?

"The hands of fate are already in motion, Fubuki....there's no turning back..."
With that, Kira reached for the phone in the room.

Amy: But can I backhand you for that cheesy sentence?

".....Moshi moshi? (hello) Is Mr. Yamazaki in?"
Fubuki's eyes widened at the name.
"Kira, you're not going to...!?"

Rory: Oh. That's who "they" are. Great, now Mary and Billy will be down a teammate.
Emi: Yes, let's not attempt to stop the awakened forms of Shermie and Chris. Instead... let's bother Yamazaki... who wants nothing to do with the Orochi at all.
Rory: That doesn't make any sense!
Amy: *facepalms* Of course it doesn't. Jeez, she can even find out who an Orochi warrior is by physical contact. This is stupid! Why is everyone being stupid?!
Emi: *sighs* Because we need everyone's stupidity to further the plot, of course.
Amy: Do you know what else is sad? Raiya accidentally caused Chris to head into his awakened form, while the Sue was the reason for Shermie to head into that path. I'm afraid that it will also be true regarding Yashiro's path.
Rory: I won't be surprised if that happens.

Yashiro never realized this old live house his band always practices in was so open. Or does it feel like that with no one around? Sitting heavily on the old chair, Yashiro stared at the TV.
".........."
"Iori Yagami makes it to the third round with ease!......"
".........."

Amy, Emi, Rory: ...
Amy: ...with ease. Bleh.
Rory: ...I don't know what's goin' on.
Emi: It's just more brooding. That's what every guy who pines for the Sue does in this fic.

(This bastard's stolen two VERY important thing from me. And why am I sitting here doing shit about it!?)
Staring down the old little TV, Yashiro felt his black emotions swirling in his broad chest.

Rory: This is some emo poetry right here.
Amy: Look, as much as we hate the Sue, she is not a thing. She is not property. She is not a prize to be won. Stop that.
Emi: It's even worse when you realize that the Sue actually is presenting herself as a prize to be won. She's like a brass ring from a carousel ride.
Rory: Ugh.

"I must say, it's not healthy for a youth to be rotting in such a small room like this..."
The sudden voice from behind, quiet but crisp, caused Yashiro to jerk out of his chair. A strangely familiar voice. But facing the man, Yashiro soon realized that it wasn't someone he knew. He never felt comfortable with people with such a huge cross hanging from his neck anyway.

Emi: Goenitz again. As usual.

"'The hell are you!? How'd you get in here?"
"Me? I am your Savior. I will grant you anything you wish...."

Rory: Ooh, ooh! I'm wishing for a dead Mary Sue! Can you grant that wish?

Yashiro narrowed his eyes at the man.
"........."
"You don't believe me?"
"Any kinda wish?"
"Of course!"
The man, Goenitz, twisted his lips into a sly grin.
"So tell me, what is it that your heart desires?"
"Vengance.....POWER!!"
"I see....."

Rory: Vengeance, power, and a Mary Sue. You left out the Mary Sue, Yashiro.
Amy: *sighs* Why am I not surprised that the Sue was the catalyst?
Emi: Well... you have one half of the equation, Amy. It's Mr. Yagami and the Sue.
Amy: It's still terrible.
Emi: Yes, I know.

In the damp alleys behind the Shinjuku buildings.

Rory: Yeah, and? I know that I sucked in my English classes, and even I know that that's not a darn sentence!

"Tch, what the hell you call me out here for, anyway.....I'm late for my damn plane, you know!?"
Yamazaki scratched his head with the handle of his knife as he studied the Kira from head to toe with his hungry eyes.
".............."

Emi: *as Kira* Oh, nothing... just wanted to talk about how perfect I am.
Rory: *makes a face* Do not tell me that Yamazaki's out of character.
Amy: You know the rule, Rory; every character goes out of character when they're next to her.
Rory: Wait, wait... "he studied the Kira"? So she is a thing!
Emi: The worst Mary Sues and Gary Stus are pure demons, Mr. Hancock.

"Hmph. Not saying, huh? But calling me out at night alone...that's a lot of guts you got, babe. I like that in a dame."
"Thanks."

Emi: Okay, that sounds like something he would say.

"Hey, I don't mind spending the night with ya, girl! I'll make sparks fly in your head and make every thing white for ya..."

Emi: Okay, that doesn't sound like something that he would say.

"Sounds good enough to me. If you beat me, I'll let you do whatever with me for the night, then."
Kira didn't even twitch at the sight of Yamazaki's obscene grin that greased his face.

Rory: Because she's "perfect", you know.

"Heh...hehehe...really? The 'guess I can't hurt you that bad, huh!?"
Yamazaki quickly flipped out the blade of his knife.
"Come on, big boy!"
"Here I come, then, babe!!"

Amy: Eww. So she's trying to use the "femme fatale" shtick?
Rory: *scratches his head* Unfortunately, it's going to work, and we're not going to like it. It's the fanfic version of mashed peas and brussels sprouts that's going to be force fed to us.
Emi: That's... a very odd comparison, Mr. Hancock. Also, why is she turning Yamazaki into another version of those drunk men from the fifth chapter?
Amy: Because the Suethor isn't very creative with this story.

Yamazaki thrusted his knife at the girl with immense speed. A definite hit! The blade began to tear Kira's jeans-jacket.

Emi: *flatly* Oh, how will she be able to get out of this dilemma?
Amy: *flatly* I'm on the edge of my seat.

"Wha...!?"
But that was all. The torn jacket slid off the blade and hit the puddled asphalt of the alley. Kira was already standing behind Yamazaki's exposed back. Her body was framed by the city light that seeped in from the alley's gate to the night.

Rory: *flatly* What.
Amy: And of course we had to stop to tell the audience how "wonderful" and "beautiful" she is. This fic's getting on my nerves.
Rory: Too bad you can't ask for a second failure stamp, Amy.

"Geez, that was my favorite jacket, too...."
"Heh....that's a fuckin' good body you got there....turns me on."
"You gotta be kidding."

Amy: *angry* Oh, screw you, Mary Sue! You were parading your "hotness" around for most of this fic! And when someone actually notices and he isn't Iori, you act disgusted! Are you kidding me?!
Emi: To be fair, we wouldn't say any of this to an actual person. It's just that this Sue's a giant hypocrite.
Rory: *frowns* Yamazaki's out of character, isn't he?
Emi: *sighs* Yes, Mr. Hancock. He's incredibly out of character.

"Iku ze~ (Here I go)!!"
Yamazaki again charged at Kira with his blade.

Amy: And then she dodged it, because she's a Sue. Someone needs to end my misery right now.

But Kira easily avoided it by jumping into the air. She followed her defence with a cracking blow of her ankled, thrusted downward onto Yamazaki's hand that clenched the weapon. With the high pitch metal shrieks, the knife kissed the hard ground.

Rory: She kicked it with her ankle? What, so she lost her feet or something?
Emi: Ooh, these "action scenes" are incredibly dull.

"FALLING METEOR!"
"Gah!?"
Grasping his right hand that just received the assault, Yamazaki glared frantically at Kira.
"You goddamn bitch!!"
Kira shrugged at the insult.
"This is too easy."

Rory: And too stupid. You can call her a bitch and she won't care!
Jessie: *mumbles* That's because she is one.
Kyo L.: *snickers* You're so mean, Jess.

"Sharakuse~ (Don't try to get smart with me)!!"
With that, Yamazaki's eyes began to glow a vibrant crimson. The color of blood.

Rory: *with a dunce cap* Dur-hay!
Amy: His eyes... don't glow.
Emi: It's that selective canon research at work again.

(That move....it's his move called Guillotine!) Kira crouched into a defensive stance, and her eyes began to gleam as well. A clear blue of the sky...

Sklish...!!

Balls of red blood splatted on the pavement.

Amy: *flatly* What.
Emi: I guess writing that someone was bleeding was way too simple.
Rory: And we already know who isn't bleeding.
Amy: Of course! Mary Sues never bleed, Rory.
Emi: Yes, they do. They bleed glitter.
Rory: That's even messier.

"......What the!!?"
Yamazaki froze as he felt Kira's hand, pierced from his back to his chest. In her hand she held a strange stone. A flat sphere with a hole through the center, and a curving bulge at one end. It glistened in the moonlight, a luminous black, darker than the night itself. Blood dripped from it.

Amy: That... that's... what Ash Crimson did with Iori when he stole his treasure! This Sue's older than an actual Gary Stu!
Rory: Oh, wow! This Suethor accidentally told the future with this stuff, huh?
Amy: She probably did.

"Sorry, Yamzaki san, but this toy here's a bit too strong for you."
"What the hell is that...!? Who are you? The devil!?...."
"Hmm....more like a cruel angel."

Rory: *with a megaphone* We have a title drop, ladies and gentlemen! We have a title drop!
Emi: *facepalms* Honestly... really? *sighs* Miss Kirishima? Please stamp your paper.
Jayleen: Gladly.
Amy: She's cruel, but she's no angel. She. Is. Insufferable.
Rory: I guess Yamazaki's right. She really is a devil. And she's not like the cute little plushy one that Cassy has in her room.

Yamazaki finally felt his last drop of blood receeding from his face, that was ivory white. His head splashed into the fresh puddle of his own blood, and didn't move.
"Don't worry. You'll wake up tomorrow morning as if nothing happened."
Kira gripped the black stone in her slippery hand, and it merged into her palms and vanished.

Rory: Uh... are you sure? It's like you killed him with your Sueness. That just made you look like a murderer.
Amy: Well, she is murdering the canon, so does that count?
Rory: I guess.

"!!"
From the shadows of the buildings, a pair of keen eyes kept a virgil over the fight, and seeing the ball disappear into the girl's hand, it gleamed in the dark like those of a cat's.

Cassy: Hey, don't you compare me and my kind to that crap, dude!

Just as Kira trotted out of the alley and into the night, the figure stepped out. Yashiro splashed into the dark pool of red and stared at the downed man.

Amy: Just say that he looked at the blood. Stop with the purple prose.

"She absorbed the magatama!? Heh, just as that old bag Goenitz said.....She must be our goddess!!"

Amy, Emi: ...
Rory: ...she's a goddess. An Orochi goddess. *throws his hands up* Well, this fic's going downhill a lot faster than I ever thought!
Emi: It's already going downhill.
Rory: Then it's just going to crash harder than the stock market did in 1929.
Emi: To the point where it'll cause a depression?
Amy: Yes. Yes, it will.

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