Mystery Science Theater En Masse: The Movie

Super Special 1: A Cruel Angel's Thesis (Part Twenty-Five)

--

Note: Manic, Jessie, and Cassy will be your riffers for this chapter.

--

Chapter 25 - Unbalance

Cassy: Oh, it's obvious that this fic's incredibly unbalanced when it comes to that Sue.

"Guh!!!"
With intense force, Iori was slammed into the Altar. Himiko barely budged, simply let her Orochi power loose, but that was enough to send the 187 pound man flying. Without resistance, Iori fell on to his face.

Manic: So we have to read another chapter of this Sue bowling everyone over. *flatly* Yay.

"Hmph......"
Himiko slowly approached him, and stepped onto his back with her heels.
"Gesu ga (scum)....."

Jessie: *mutters* And you just described yourself, you two-faced twat.
Cassy: *elbows Jessie*
Jessie: What?
Cassy: Dude, you've been pretty harsh every time you riffed. Something up?
Jessie: It's very obvious, Cassy. I literally hate this Mary Sue.

The pressure on the heel increased with her triumphant laughter that echoed through the vast room.
"Ki....Kira......"
Iori barely managed to grind the name from his mouth. Himiko glared down at him with blazing eyes.
"But it is you who made me the monster that I am..."

Cassy: Who, OOCori or the Sue? Because they're both whiny little monsters.
Manic: I miss canon Iori.
Cassy: Heck, his fans are missing him more than we do right now!

"Damn....she's strong!"
Yashiro exclaimed with glee, directly above the two on the high altar. Shermie whispered to herself.
"...and fast...."
"No wonder she's our Queen!"

Manic: And even in their freakin' Orochi forms, Yashiro and Shermie have to shill this stupid Sue. I really want to ask for a stamp, but I can't. Not yet, man.

However, Goenitz didn't answer to the comments, but instead studied the moves of Himiko carefully. (This is odd. With four magamatas within her body, Queen Himiko should be much more powerful; kill the two in one blow....can it be....?)

Cassy: *blinks* She's... holding back. Oh, do not tell me that this Sue has complete control over her Orochi form!
Jessie: I would say that we should wait for confirmation, but everything that we've guessed turned out to be correct in some form.
Manic: I'm not going to jump the gun yet. This Sue's guilty until proven guiltier. She was already guilty when Goenitz just said that she was stronger than Kyo and Iori combined.

Himiko turned around, glancing towards Kyo. Her hair swayed in shimmering streaks.
"So, is Kusanagi ready to fall as well?"
"........."
Kyo, failing to answer with his normal wit, flinched back from her.

Manic: What wit? The Kyo who's here has plenty of wit. That one has the humor of a 2x4!
Cassy: Hey, don't insult Plank, dude!
Jessie: Kyo Kusanagi. Is. Flinching. This is definitely not Kyo at all.

"Fufufu.....what's wrong? You are the weilder of the Serpent Slayer Sword, no? It is our destiny to fight...."

Cassy: No, it's not, dude. That wasn't even a part of that so-called destiny.

"I, iya da (I don't want to)!!"
Squinting his eyes, Kyo turned away from her. Himiko narrowed her eyes. She lowered her voice to where Kyo could barely hear her.
"If you don't kill me, Kusanagi, that girl will have to suffer."
Kyo looked high above, to the girl that limply rested on Shermie's arms.  Yuki.
"!...."

Manic: So, how many of us want to see that Sue dead?
Cassy: *pulls out a list* Well, aside from myself and Jessie? Let's see... both Kyos, Axl, Sonia, Keiko, Mai, James, and Tomoko.
Akiko: I don't want her to die, I just want her to leave!

Kyo's eyes shifted to Iori, still on the ground, under Himiko's boots.
"uOOOOOOO!!!"
"!"
Himiko stepped back as she felt the aura that seeped from Kyo's body. Flares of red flames swirled around him as he stood, condensing his energy within him. Iori, noticing the intense light, tilted his head to see his rival.
"....Kyo............"

Jessie: And already, Kyo and Iori show off even more chemistry than Iori and the Sue.

The room burst with flashes of scarlet and amber, and the heat shook the walls violently.
"Kurai yagare ~!!! (eat this)"
"Fool!!"
Himiko stood, facing the great wave of flames motionlessly. As the fire was about to engulf her, she flung her arm across her, cutting open the currents, and safely dodging the blaze. The flames hurled away from the Altar that loomed behind her, and scorched the walls.

Benimaru: *snaps his fingers, which creates the word "Boring!" with his electricity*
Akiko: *creates the word "Boo!" with her electricity*
Cassy: Yep, that's how we feel, too.

"What!!?"
"You have learned nothing, Kusanagi. Power is born from the balance of the positive and negative forces...like this!!"
Himiko flung her arm again, sending a surge of white flames back at Kyo, very similar to his own Orochi Nagi.
"This can't be...!!"

Kyo K.: That's what one of my clones said when I kicked the crap out of him.

Shocked at the ease of her imitating his ultimate move,

Kyo K.: That's... not my ultimate technique. It's actually the Mu Shiki. I'd tell you to do the research, but... you just like to pick and choose, Suethor. *shrugs*
Manic: Why is he shocked?! Why the hell is he shocked?! It was said that she gave him his powers in this stupid fic! It was mentioned like fifty billion times already!
Cassy: So... are you calling for a stamp now?
Manic: Not yet, Cassy.

Kyo was unable to avoid the impact, crashing to the burnt wall from the blow. Kyo expected his body to fall onto the floor, like he saw how Iori fell minutes ago, but his body was kept aloft.....by the neck. Without allowing gravity to seize his body, Himiko has grasped his neck into her hand. Her long nails dug a little into his neck.

Jessie: Am I reading torture porn here?
Cassy: Dude, you know that torture porn is much worse than this... even though getting through this fic is torture.

Smiling with amusement, she whispered in his ears that rang with pain.
"That's why you or Yagami can't defeat me.....

Manic: Uh... nobody can defeat you, Sue. That's why we don't like you.

even your ancestors once knew what power really was...they kept the secret alive in your family emblem...."
Kyo, with blurring eyes, recalled the design stitched into his uniform jacket. An eclipsed sun. A sun, blocked by the moon before its path, but blazing even stonger than normal.
"..eh...??"

Mai, Axl: *sings* O Canada...
Mai: I suddenly feel like chopping wood.

Unlike his overly excited companions, Chris silently observed the events, the head of his nose wrinkled. (Kusanagi Kyo was my prey.....Himiko is our Queen, so I should be happy watching her kick his sorry ass.....but why aren't I!?? It makes no difference because he's dying in Orochi hands, right? ....if only I had the strength, I could do that too, so easily...!!)

Jessie: Wait, so this is how Chris turns into Orochi? Because he was jealous of that stupid Sue?!
Manic: *makes a face* This fic's getting dumber and dumber by the second.
Cassy: You're telling me, dude.

"U...uu...arrgh..."
Kyo felt his conscience seep from his body as the grip on his throat tightened. Himiko's nails dug into his flesh even more. A stream of blood from the gouge stained his white shirt.

Jessie: Someone is fangirling over his pain right now. And it's not because they hate him.
Manic: *stares at Cassy*
Jessie: *turns around to face the audience* I see you, head writer.

"Doesn't look like he's gonna last for long...."
"Kira!"
Startled at the abrupt shout, Himiko's grip loosen, causing Kyo to fall to the ground. She slowly turned to see Iori staggering onto his feet.
"Awake so soon? You should stay in the dirt and rest..."
"...Stop...this.........."
"Hmph!"
Himiko crouched low onto the ground and thrusted her leg at Iori's shin, causing him to fall back onto the floor. She grinned at the sight and licked her long sharp nails playfully.

Manic: You are no Choi Bounge, Mary Sue.

"What an annoyance. Maybe I should kill you afterall....?"
"...ungh..."
Iori didn't have any more strength to dodge, or even twitch in fear. Himiko raised her glisteneing nails high above her head, ready to thrust down any moment.
"Shi-ne~ (die)!!"

Cassy: Iori's not gonna die. He's the Sue's hump buddy. Mary Sue Law dictates that he can't die.

Fwhooo!!

Himiko fell to the ground, smelling her leather costume burn slightly from the sudden impact of crimson flames. The sparks of red still danced on his raised left arm. Oniyaki.
"Kira, stop this already!"
"How dare you!!?"

Jessie: And how dare you torment us with this crap!
Cassy: *laughs*

"I knew it!" Goenitz finally exclaimed. "They did release the seals of the Guardians!!"
"Guardians?"
"'the HELL are they!?"
Yashiro and Shermie turned to the frowning priest for an explaination.
"The energy that the magatama are to manipulate are too weak, considering how much energy should've been acccumilated through the years....that's why Queen Himiko isn't able to use her strengths to the fullest abilities!"
"WHAT!?"

Rory: That doesn't make any sense!
Manic: This is supposed to throw us off, right? Because I'm not buyin' it, and neither are those two. *points to Jessie and Cassy*
Cassy: Everyone in this theater isn't buying this explanation. We all know that it's pure bullshit. The Sue is somehow holding back. We already know this because Kyo and Iori should've been dead by now.

"Of course, that won't matter once Lord Orochi that sleeps within her body is awake, but at this rate, the Queen might be defeated...."
Goenitz felt beads of sweat roll down his face. He dug his hand into his navy coat and searched frantically, finally pulling out a cracked aquamarine magatama.
"Chris!! You're the quickest of the Warriors here. Take this to Queen Himiko."

Manic: And Chris has been demoted to errand boy.

Chris gazed at the orb as it shimmered in his hand.
"I am technically dead; that magatama of mine was fractured during the battle in the King of Fighters 96. So I don't know if it will aid the Queen as much, but it's better than nothing."

Jessie: Hey, being technically dead is a lot better than this fic's progression.
Cassy: And this fic's completely dead.

"...........Will this make her stronger?"
"Eh?"

Mai, Axl: *sings* O Canada...
Axl: I want some Canadian bacon now.

Shermie glanced at Chris; that was all she did, but a chill rushed through her spine. Chris' eyes stared into the magatama.

"AAAAAA!!!"

The sudden shriek of Kyo made everyone on the altar to turn back at the battle below. That is, everyone except for Chris.

Cassy: Kyo's still being tortured?
Kyo K.: I've been tortured since the beginning of the last fic that I riffed, Goth Girl.

"Such troublesome bugs you two are!! No wonder I had trouble for 1800 years!"

Jessie: You must've used some really cheap bug spray, lady.

Himiko's face twisted in nuiance. She pulled out her staff from the ground and walked towards Kyo. Kyo, seemingly used up his energy from the previous attacks, was barely able to remain on his feet, his knees buckling under him.

Cassy: He only used two attacks. He seriously cannot be this weak.

With the butt of the spear-like rod, Himiko knocked him to the ground.
"Argh!...."
"Hmph, making my hands toil like this....."

Manic: *sarcastically* Yeah, how dare you make her put effort into things! Now she'll have to be like us stupid peons and actually use "skills" and stupid stuff like that!
Jessie: Yeah, effort's for losers!

"If I had the power too, I can....I CAN....!!"
Chris growled under his breathe as he clenched the magatama of wind. The orb silently began to melt into his palm.
"!!? What the.....ow....aaaa..arggh!!!"
Shermie turned again at the commotion behind her to find Chris rolling on the floor.

Manic: This is supposed to be dramatic, ladies and germs. Now that just made it look like he's laughing at this awful fic.

"Ch....Chris!?"
She hurrily ran to his side. Her eyes froze to see the magatama completely disappear in the boy's hand.
"What did you do!!? It's impossible for even us to contain more than one of these things! You know that, don't you!?"

Jessie: *as Shermie* We're not overpowered like she is, you know!

"Guh....uuuu...!!"
"This doesn't look good!....Ya...Yashiro!"
Shermie looked up from the boy to call for aid when.....

Zu...nn!!

Yashiro turned around, hearing his name. The scene that jumped into his eyes made him blink.
"......Aa...."
Shermie stared down at her chest. Chris' hand penetrated through, between her breasts, and through her body. Warm blood dripped from his arm. In his hand that was covered in the liquid and burrowed out from Shermie's back held her purple magatama.
"..It.....it hurts............"
Shermie whispered to herself.

Cassy: Reading this fic hurts, too. But hey, at least you don't have to be in this awful fic anymore, Shermie!

A stream of blood seeped from between her full lips. Her clouding eyes peered through her thick hair and to the man that stood numbly before her.
"Ya...shiro?"
He couldn't respond to her body, falling slowly into the puddle of her own warm blood.

Jessie: Know what's sad? That made me feel complete sympathy for Shermie.
Cassy: Yeah, no kidding. It's something else when you're feeling sorry for the antagonists.
Manic: That just proves that you're doing it wrong. The antagonists are sympathetic and the protagonists are either boring, stupid, or infuriating in this thing.
Cassy: Oh, so it's like I'm reading "Twilight"!
Manic: Yeah, pretty much.
Jessie: Well, Bella and Kira are one and the same. They're both selfish idiots who I want to throw into orbit.

--

Continue to Part Twenty-Six
Go Back to Part Twenty-Four
Go Back to MST 'EM: The Movie Page
Go Back to Episode List
Go Back to Main MST 'EM Page