Mystery Science Theater En Masse: The Movie

Super Special 1: A Cruel Angel's Thesis (Part Nine)

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Note: Your main riffers for this part will be Manic, James, and Akiko.

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Chapter 9 - Don't Hold Back!

"Wh...why the hell is Athena here!?"

James: For manufactured drama.
Manic: Also so she can be humiliated by the Mary Sue because the Suethor hates her.

"I was asked by Master Chin to go look for you because you were so late from school. Now I know why!"
With the sudden appearance of Athena, Kensou could only be completely lost about the whole situation. He finally noticed where his hands were located, and scurrily removed them from Kira's shoulders.
(This girl! I just saw her today with Kyo kun!)
"You!!"

Akiko: Uh... I don't think that Athena's the jealous type.
Athena: You would be right about that.
James: You do realize that she waited for Kyo to split from the group before she decided to attack the Sue, right? What's up with that?
Manic: Maybe she didn't want Kyo the Marionette punching her into the next city.

Athena pointed at Kira with much enthusiasm, her violet eyes glistening with excitement.
"I can't believe how you can change men so oftenly.....what a slut! I have to punish you now!"

Akiko: Yay, she caught on to the Sue! But boo, because she's so OOC!
Manic: Wow, we really are watching "Melrose Place", aren't we?
James: I'd rather be watching "Dynasty". I kinda like watching two lovely ladies slapping the taste out of each other's mouths all the time.
Jessie: James, you are a dirty, dirty, man.
James: I know, Jess. I also liked that one where two of the ladies were fighting in a water fountain--
Jessie: We got it, James!

"Wha...????"
Kira looked at this purple haired girl with much confusion. Crystal balls began to circle around Athena. Remembering Athena's special moves from the KOF tournaments he saw last year, Shingo turned pale.
"Woah! Asamiya san means business!"
"You've got the wrong idea! Athena~!"
"Silence! Don't interfere a woman's fight!!"

Manic: That's really not Athena. Wow, this Suethor is really twisting her character so badly that I'm actually wishing that she could blast the Sue into the next dimension.

"Uh....I have no idea what's going on....but it seems you're not willing to listen..."
Kira shrugged and stepped back into a fighting stance.

James: Please. You're a Sue. You're always right, and you're clearly going to make this a one-sided fight. We didn't forget about that so-called fight from a few chapters ago.
Akiko: I didn't.
James: Of course you didn't forget. You booed the loudest, after all.

"!? Do you mean to, Kira san!?"
"Don't worry, I'm just gonna straighten this misunderstanding."

Manic: Translation: I'mma humiliate this girl because I'm the Suethor's self-insert, after all!
James: You sure?
Manic: Of course. I haven't forgotten that part in the last fic that I riffed. That Gary Stu broke Seiya's hand because... well...
Kyo L.: He needed to prove his so-called masculinity with a shitty fanfic.
Manic: Yep.

"Let's see if it really is!"
A ball of energy churned in Athena's palms. Athena fixed her eyes on her opponent and concentrated her strength to her hands. The ball flew from her and pierced the night.

Akiko: It "pierced the night"? The ball is Batman?
James: Might as well be.

"Psycho Ball~~!!"

Kira jumped into the air, dodging the projectile with ease.

Egg Spiral and Black Crow riffers: *groaning*
Sonia: "With ease". Of course. Thanks, Dusk. We really didn't miss you from the great beyond.

At the height of her flight, Kira glanced towards where the ball of energy was launched, but couldn't find Athena. A slight breeze rustled her short hair.
"Here I am!"
Athena exclaimed as she emerged above the airborne Kira. Kira's eyes widened in astonishment.
"Te....teleport!?"
Athena's slim leg flew above her head and jammed into Kira's shoulder. With such a formidable overhead kick impacting at such speed, Kira's body could only fall back to the ground with dangerous speed.

Akiko: I have no idea why I'm applauding this.
Manic: *smirks* Yeah, you do. Stop lying.
Akiko: Okay, okay, I'm only applauding because it looks like we're finally getting a fight scene! I'm just starved for some good action here!
James: Meh, the Sue's just going to pull something out of her behind in a bit.

"!!"
Shingo and Kensou reflexively shut their eyes, unbearable to see the fall. Kira regained her balance in midair, bearly escaped the devastating slam into the asphalt, and landed safely on her feet.

James: That's what she pulls out of her behind? Are you bloody kidding me?
Akiko: Oh, come on! That's lame! *boos loudly*
Cassy: *laughs*

Athena soon followed to the ground, easily landing on her feet as well.
"...So, it seems you're a martial artist as well!"

Manic: Martial artist, art student, best singer ever, forsees senators, gives inherited powers to Kyo and Iori, can remove Iori's ability to go Riot of the Blood, warps characters to the point where they're no longer themselves, has a giant group of people who do nothing but kiss her butt, and gets four guys to fall for her? Yep, Mary Sue extreme.
Miyu: All we're missing is her ability to speak multiple languages now.

Athena dashed towards Kira, seemingly allowing no time for her to counter, showering her with punches and kicks. But to her suprise, Kira greeted the swift attacks with her hand, stopping them. Both Shingo and Kensou stared at the formidable match, eyes wide with excitement.
"A...Athena's attacks, all stopped? How could she...??"
"Awesome!"

Akiko: It's a one-sided fight! That's no fun at all! *continues booing*
James: Of course the guys have to praise the Sue for her putting virtually no effort into it. Man, this fic's bloody awful.

"Tck!!"
Athena clenched her teeth with agitation.

Manic: I feel your pain, Athena... and the Athena that isn't out of character here.
Athena: *groans* I don't want to read this any more. Kyo, how do you manage to handle these things?
Kyo K.: I have no idea.

Despite her swift moves, all of her attacks are safely stopped from impact.
"You feet's open!"
Athena's feet flew off the pavement from Kira's low kick. Still stunned from the sudden attack, Athena fell to the ground on her back.
"An opening!"
Kira again jumped into the air.

James: Well, that's pointless. Athena's just gonna move out of the way. Sue's trying way too damn hard to be flashy here, isn't she?
Manic: Yep.

Kensou couln't help exclaiming in a panic.
"Watch out, Athena!!"
"Huh!!?"
Athena catched a glimpse of Kira closing in with a kick.
"Psy....psycho sword!"
"Ack!!"
Kira again dodged Athena's counter, swinging her head back. The beam of energy from Athena's deaperate hand was only a few inches from her face.

Akiko: Oh, come on! Is this what the whole chapter is going to be? Just a Mary Sue easily beating Athena? This is boring!
Manic: This whole fic's been boring so far. I mean, it's a fic that was written before the year 2000. We're gonna have melodrama and character bashing up the ying yang in this thing.
Akiko: I wish it didn't. I mean, it's a fic in the King of Fighters section. I'd like to see some actual fighting here!

Kira landed in a fighting stance as Athena quickly got to her feet. Athena wiped the sweat that caked her face.

James: So sweat turned into cake icing? Lady, calm down with the purple prose, yeah? It's rather tedious.

"....You're good."
"So are you..."

Akiko: ...this isn't very good. Why are you all lying to us?
Manic: Because it's a Sue fic.

Ruka leaned in his pipe chair, gameboy in his hand.
"God, where's Kira san??"

James: Ruining canon, as usual. Jesus, don't you all have hobbies that don't involve sticking your heads up the Sue's arse all of the time?
Manic: Nope.

"Where in the world is she wandering around?"
Drawing a fresh line of lipstick on her full lips, Shizuku added.

Manic: Once again, being feminine is only okay if you're sucking up to the Sue.

Hotaru sighed as she looked at her watch.
"9:16.....I wonder if she forgot that we were going to study for our finals before today's performance?"
"We've gotta be worried, don't you think, Fubuki?"
Raiya teased as he patted Fubuki on the shoulder.
"Sh...shut up!"

James: Yeah, Fubuki definitely has feelings for the Sue. As a matter of fact, why are they even here? They're just satellite ass kissers to the Sue!
Akiko: And you just explained the reason why they're there! Mary Sues need groupies, after all!

Itsuki rubbed his cigarette into the ashtray.
"Well, let's begin our studying. She'll show up sometime."

Akiko: Yeah, after she humiliates Athena with her boring Mary Sue powers.

"I can't believe this...Kira han is exactly equal in strength as Athena!"
Kensou announced, shaking his head in admiration (and forgetting exactly who's fault it was that started the brawl in the first place).

Akiko: "Equal"? Really? The Sue's beaten her in everything so far! Is he watching the same fight that we're seeing here?
Sonia: No, he clearly isn't. *nudges Sonic* Wake up, you're snoring again.
Sonic: *jolts awake* Huh? What?
Sonia: You were snoring again.
Sonic: Oh. Meh, wake me up when it's my turn to riff. Thanks, sis. *goes back to sleep*
Sonia: *huffs*

Shingo continued to stare hard at the fighters in silence.
(At a glance, yes....but compared to Asamiya san who's already breathing heavily, Kira san seems to not be tired at all....)

Everyone except Akiko: *facepalms*
Akiko: Lame! *boos louder*
Cassy: This fic's based off of the '97 tournament, which means that Athena's already fought in three KOF tournaments. She's tussled with the best of the best, and yet... this Sue is giving her instant trouble in a fight? Oh, my god, dude. This sucks.
Rory: You're telling me. Is this one of those old "Suethors can't write action scenes" fics?
Cassy: Oh, of course, dude. Well, to be fair, it started off decently until the Sue started going all God Mode on her butt. So, uh, all the potential just got ruined in a snap.
Rory: ...wow.

Athena flipped back from Kira's reach, her eyes gleaming furiously.
"Hmph!"
"!!?"
"What's that!?"
"Athena's gonna finish it off!"

James: Yeah, right. She's gonna try, and the Sue's gonna stop it "with ease", because of course she can.

The crystal balls rushed around Athena as she glowed with magnificent radience.
"This is the end!"
Athena closed her eyes, and her palms began to blur with the overflowing vibrance of her power. Her eyes flew open again.
"CRYSTAL SHOOT~!!"
The great ball of energy sped at Kira, narrowing its glowing body from the speed.
"Ike~~ (go)!!"
Kira observed the ball that was swiftly drawing nearer with dangerous speed. She fell back in a fighting stance, a dauntless smirk on her lips. White sparks burst from her hands like firework.
"!!?"
"What is she doing!?"

James: Pulling something out of her arse. It's truly a cruel angel's feces.
Rory: I hope she isn't stealing my powers. I kinda like having my light powers not being ruined by Mary Sues.

The white powder of light sparked furiously. Kira swung her hand to greet the hurling ball of energy, the sparks bursting into a broad band of white flames.
"Wha....!!?"
"ONIYAKI~!!"

Kyo L.: Wait, white flames? That's Lili's power!
Miyu: I didn't know that your sister had white flames, Kyo.
Kyo L.: Well, that's because she doesn't fight much, but hey. She can defend herself. Hell, she keeps kicking my ass every time we fight.

Ko....n!!
The crystal balls, losing its powerful flare fell to the ground. Shingo, Kensou, and Athena stared at the rolling crystals in disbelief.

Athena: ...are you kidding me?!
Kyo L.: Oh, come on!
Kyo L., Kyo K.: That's bullshit!

"....huh?"
"Impossible!"

Manic: You're damn right it's impossible. Her powers are so great that they defy common sense and physics!
Akiko: Man, this is the worst fight scene that I've ever read!

Kira noticed the clock tower that loomed right behind Athena, and gasped at the time.
"Oh god, I forgot about the band...!"
Kira was about to burst into a dash when Athena stopped her.

James: You haven't forgotten about them. You just took your sweet time to humiliate Athena because your Suethor hates her. We're not stupid. We know what we're reading here.

"W...wait a minute! Our fight isn't settled yet!"
Kira turned around at Athena and just winked.
"Let's settle it at the King of Fighters tournament, Athena Asamiya!"

Manic: ...they're not gonna settle this, are they?
Akiko: I hope not. I don't want to see another one-sided fight.
James: If they do, she's probably going to humiliate Athena again. Doesn't matter if they fight or not.
Akiko: *as she rests her head on her hand* ...man, this fic is awful.
Manic: We know. We definitely know.

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