Mystery Science Theater En Masse

Three Riffers, Episode 8: The New Girl (KRZR24 version) (Part Seven)

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Chapter 12

Yay!! New chapter!! No writer's block!! No more short chapters (hopefully)!! Yay ME!!

Sonia: The shorter, the better. If they are, we can finish this horrible fic faster.

Now, on with the story.

Miyu: So... what is the story so far?
Manic: Uh... a Mary Sue gives Amy a makeover, which causes Sonic to turn into a "Nice Guy". Also, this fic's just full of people trying to hook up with each other while scamming each other.
Miyu: *adjusts her beret, gives a fake smile* What a fun fic!

Wait, jk. If you have any ideas on how the characters should grow or if you want something to change in the story, just put in on the review list, and I'll try to change it. The only definite thing in this story are the couples. So, review or e-mail me (),

Manic: Uh, uh... your address doesn't exist...

and I might/will try to follow your advice.

Sonia: She's not going to follow any advice, because she probably hates criticism. By the way, what are the "official" couples in this fic?
Manic: According to the fic's description, Sonic/Amy, Knuckles/Rouge, Shadow/Blaze, and Silver/Mary Sue. Keep in mind that the Sue casually dumped someone so she could hook up with Silver.
Miyu: Huh. By the way, did anyone have any suggestions for the characters or the story?
Sonia: I have one. Get a steamroller and run all of the characters over. As for the fic, burn it and salt the earth.
Miyu: I should not be surprised at your response, but I somehow am.

PS I think I'm over halfway done with the story, so please review quickly on whether or not you want a sequel. Thanks.

Manic: We don't want a sequel. Please.

Sonic's POV

Manic: And we don't want this, either.
Sonia: Oh, great. We're back to "Nice Guy" Sonic.

Sasha is a very scary person.

Miyu: If she doesn't watch it, Kyo will find her and burn her alive.
Sonia: Let him. I'd love to see that.

Let me give you a comparison. Shadow is to Charmy as Sasha is to me: Charmy and I both get the shit scared out of us every time we see them.

Sonia: Sonic... scared? Oh, he's way out of character.

The meeting did not go well, to state the obvious.

When we got to the hallway, me and Knuckles began the good cop/bad cop routine.

Manic: Because that always works in bad writing.

We were trying to figure out how Sasha got the virus, and how she knew Tails.

Miyu: Wait, wait, wait... the Sue has a computer virus?
Manic: Yep! And since she sent it out... she should be going to jail!
Sonia: And we know she won't, because it's a Mary Sue fic.

Knuckles was the good cop, and I was the bad one. It failed. Like it crashed into a tree, burst into flames, drowned, then got eaten by a huge whale, barfed back out by the whale, and then dissolved into a million little pieces, but not before getting thrown into a volcano. Yeah, it was that bad.

Sonia: Much like this terrible fic. Actually, this is what's supposed to happen to the fic and this Sue.

Knuckles went first, and after ten minutes, he came out crying like he just had therapy. He told me that he learned things about himself that he never knew before. He even had a business card, with Sasha's name and number. Weird.

Miyu: If you want to be traumatized for life, call this Mary Sue!
Manic: She's not going to survive the twenty riffer gauntlet. She'll be dead at the fourth or fifth riffer. *points at Sonia* And you'd halfway kill her, since you're only the second one.
Sonia: So... if Amy doesn't end her, Kyo LeMaire will?
Manic: Yep! And if she somehow manages to make it to the last one, Tomoko will just... I don't even want to think about what she'd do.

When it was my turn, she was smirking, and asked me if I was supposed to be the bad cop. I told her that she had five seconds to tell me how/when I knew about Tails. She told me as long as she knew that I had loved Amy ever since the day that I met her.

Sonia: *as Sonic* Even though I ignored her and then suddenly thought that I was entitled to have her because she started wearing tight jeans two days ago.
Miyu: Do we even have a reference of time in this fic?
Sonia: Nope.

Sasha's POV

Miyu: I feel nauseous. Do I really have to enter the mind of this... this... Mary Sue who has a ton of screws loose?
Manic: Yep. Might as well take one for the team.

Guys are so stupid sometimes. If Sonic really wanted me to believe that he didn't like Amy, he shouldn't have a) stuttered, b) blushed, or c) try to change the subject. The best part of that? That was a guess. Yurpitty yurp yurp. 100 percent guess.

Sonia: I am going to punch your teeth down your throat and out of your ass.
Manic: *laughs*

So after I say that, he says that's none of my business, and tries to move on. If Amy didn't love him as much as she does, he would have been hospitalized then and there. So then, I decide to do something myself. Poor Knucklehead tried to be a good cop, but instead, he told about how he feels when people automatically assume that he's stupid. No wonder the dude feels like he is so inferior all the time.

Manic: You just called him "Knucklehead", you knucklehead! How can you feel sorry for him when you just insulted him?
Sonia: She lacks a brain, a heart, and the nerve.
Miyu: *adjusts glasses* Then let's find a way to drop a home on top of her.

He also told me what he thinks about Rouge. YAY!! So he went off to go tell her his true feelings about her.

Back to the subject. So, since Knuckles and Sonic's good/bad cop routine didn't work, I decide to try that method too. So if I was kind, compassionate, and willing to listen to Knuckles, then I am the exact opposite to Sonic.

Miyu: I have no idea what she is rambling about.
Manic: She thinks that she's nice.
Sonia: Does she know what the word "bullshit" means? Because she's spouting a ton of it.

Sonic's POV

Manic: Why?

Amy's cousin is powerful!!

Miyu: More character shilling? *flatly* Joy.

So when I try to change the subject, she literally picks me up, and puts me up to the wall. She tells me that I better move quickly on Amy, because she has a feeling that if I don't, eventually, Amy would get tired of the heartbreak, and move on to someone she deserves. I scoffed, and told her that would never happen. She just grinned, put me down, dusted her hands, and walked away. Now I'm suspicious. Something bad is going to happen, and soon.

Sonia: Um, she just physically intimidated you. And again, she gets to get away with it, because she's a Sue.

Sasha's POV

Be afraid Sonic. Be very afraid.

Sonia: This is a waste of text. Also, why aren't you in jail, you psychopath?

Knuckles' POV

Amy's cousin is a lot less scarier than Amy. (Sonic: choke choke)

Manic: *smacks Sonic on the back of his head* Shut up.

She understands what I go through,

Miyu: *adjusts glasses* Bullshit.

and thanks to her, I know what I need to do now. I have to tell Rouge how I really feel about her. So I'm off to go do that.

Sonia: *bored* This is such a gripping fic. What a wonderful cast of characters.

Blaze's POV

After Rouge and I stopped laughing, we saw Knuckles come in with a goofy smile on his face. He came straight up to Rouge, and just kissed her right on the mouth. Rouge looked shocked, and then slumped over. When she came up, she slapped him, and then kissed him again.

Sonia: Why do I feel like I need to take a shower after reading that?
Manic: Because it sounds creepy?
Miyu: Mm-hmm.

Cream and I stared for a while, and then when we turned around, there was no Shadow. Nice move. I have to congratulate him later. But first, I have to check on Amy. . .she must be crying her poor heart out.

Miyu: Wait, what does Amy have to do with this? She wasn't physically in this chapter. What's the point of this fic?
Sonia: There is no point.

Shadow makes it!! (He used Chaos Control.) Yay!! Next chappie should be up soon. Until then, adios.

Manic: If Shadow used Chaos Control... we should've been told that in the story, not in the author's note.
Sonia: The Suethor really needs to work that "Show, Don't Tell" thing out.

Chapter 13

I'm BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!! And with a new chapter!! Yazerz!! Let's go!! Sorry for not updating

Manic: I can see why Amy kept drinking the Bleepka.

Amy's POV

I trust Sasha wouldn't make a move on Sonic, so I just decided to do some online shopping. Not very interesting, I know. Bye.

Miyu: *flailing* Why is this even here?! This is just a waste of text!
Sonia: This entire fic is a waste of text, space, and bandwidth.

Shadow's POV

That was a close one. I owe Knuckles a lot for two reasons:

1. Rouge won't complain to me about Knuckles, and expect me to tell her what I think she should do. (Why does she come to me in the first place? Why doesn't she go to Blaze or Amy? Guys don't talk about this stuff.)

Manic: *sarcastically* Yeah, guys don't care about that silly garbage like "romance" and "treating women like people"!

2. I managed to use Chaos Control to get the hell out of that place before I could answer Cream's question.

Miyu: Oh. Now we were finally told that he used Chaos Control. A bit too late for that, isn't it?

Two birds with one stone. Nice move for an idiot like Knuckles.

Sonia: Knuckles needs new friends.

Rouge's POV

I'm still in shock. I mean, I didn't realize that subconsciously, I thought Knucklehead was too dense to get the picture. Guess not. YAY ME!!

Miyu: Again, another waste of text. This fic would've been better off in the third person!
Sonia: Once again... Knuckles needs new friends.

Cream's POV

OMG,

Sonia: No!
Miyu: I can't believe that it took me this long to point it out. Are these people clones of Princess?
Manic: Who?
Miyu: She was the first Mary Sue that I encountered with my group. Her full name was "Princess Estella Ruby Diamond Humill".
Manic: Uh...
Sonia: Wow.

I actually might have been right about something!! Before Mr. Shadow could answer my question, Mr. Knuckles came into the room,and just kissed Miss Rouge on the mouth.

Manic: We... we know. We read that part earlier. We're not dumb.

Everyone was surprised, but I guess Miss Rouge was the most surprised because she just fainted then and there, and then Miss Blaze and I had to go get a big bucket of ice water to wake her up. The funny thing was that she woke up right when we threw the water on her, and she screamed, and I think she was going to say some very bad things,

Miyu: ...because that would actually be "comedy".

but then Mr. Knuckles kissed her again, and it looked like she was kissing him back, and then they left Amy's house. Together. And then that reminded me about what Mr. Sonic always says, and then I was going to ask Mr. Shadow what that meant, but then he was gone too. Miss Blaze went upstairs to check on Amy, so by that time, it was only me and Tails and Mr. Silver (who still looks like he could kill someone). Since my Mommy won't let me go home by myself, and since no one was there, I asked Tails to take me. Right before we could go though, Miss Sasha and Mr. Sonic came out from whatever they were doing, and Mr. Sonic looked confused, and Miss Sasha asked us if she could come along. And then she saw Tails, and the same thing that happened to me happened to Tails too.

Sonia: I don't care. I don't care what happens to these people. I'm so bored and angry that I just want this crap fic to end.
Manic: Uh-oh. You said the "Eight Deadly Words", sis.
Sonia: Can you blame me?
Manic: Nope.

Tails' POV

Amy's cousin is a really nice person.

Sonia: Bullshit! Don't tell us that she's nice when we've been shown that she rips people off, calls people at five in the morning, threatens people, and has the overall likability of blood filled hemorrhoids! *as she bangs her fists on the table* Show us, don't tell us, Suethor!

But she can be quite scary.

Miyu: Her existence scares me.

She hugged me, and started talking about how none of the little brats she has to babysit are have as cute as any of us.

Manic: Dude, considering that the Sue's a selfish brat herself, she really has no room to talk about other people.

Then she asked me if I was Tails. I told her I was, and then she said she had to talk to me, and decided to walk with me to the guys' place. Out of nowhere Silver comes and decides that he would go with us. So it was Cream, me, Silver, and Sasha (Amy's cousin). At first it was kind of quiet, and then Sasha asked me what I thought of Sonic. I maybe young, but I did notice that Silver seemed to droop a little. I wonder why.

Miyu: To channel Kyo a little... *adjusts glasses* His penis-brain is flaccid.
Manic: *cracks up* That's so mean!

Silver's POV

I hate Sonic. That son of a bitch just takes any and every single girl I like, and just toys with their hearts. I'm gonna give that--

Sonia: Yet another waste of text. Also, why does he think that he's entitled to Amy as well? Did he even confess his feelings to her?
Miyu: *looks through the fic* Nope.
Sonia: Then he can take his whining and shove it up his ass.
Manic: And that's why Sonic said that you wouldn't like this fic.

Tails' POV

ANYWAYS, I told Sasha that I thought of him as an older brother.

Manic: The Sonic and Tails that we know, yes. *points at the screen* I'm not sure about that Sonic and Tails.

Then she told me that she has this friend of hers who's coming over soon who's really good with inventions. She told me that Amy told her that I like engineering, and she told me that we could meet if I wanted to. Would I ever!! And she started saying something, but then say Silver running off as fast as he could (almost as fast as Sonic), with Cream standing confused. What happened?

Sonia: This fic is ripping a hole in the time-space continuum.

Cream's POV

Why does everyone ignore me when I ask them what protection is?

Manic: Are we still on this crap?

It's like the time I asked how babies were born. (Amy told me that all babies come from the underwater city of Atlantis, and that some babies weren't born to live underwater, so the people in Atlantis have a vacation home, and people who want to have babies go there, and they shrink the babies, put in the mommy's belly, and then a couple months later they baby comes out again, ready to live, and isn't condemned to die underwater. But the only people who can go there are people who want to have babies. The Atlanteans know if you don't.)

All: *confused* Huh?
Sonia: What in the hell is this convoluted nonsense?
Miyu: She is going to be laughed at in biology class...

After Mr. Silver ran off because I asked him the question, Miss Sasha asked me what did I do. I told her, and then she asked me if I trusted her. I said yes.

Manic: I would rather eat dog crap, because I'm not trusting that Sue.

She then asked me if I think that if she gave me advice, I would follow it. I said yes again.

Sonia: And I would rather drink a mixture of chocolate sauce and laxatives instead of taking her advice.
Miyu: You two are really comparing everything to feces, aren't you?
Manic: You know why we're doing that.

Then she told me that really and truly, I don't want to know what protection is, and that for the moment, it could not save my life.

Miyu: And now we have another potential "Maury" guest in the future!

So now I shall stop asking THE QUESTION. DUN-DUN-DUN. Sorry, I always wanted to do that.

Miyu: ...stop. It wasn't funny.

Xavier's POV

Miyu: And who is he?
Sonia: The Sue's younger brother... who is a Sonic recolor... with Tails's mechanical skills.
Manic: Original character, donut steel!

Why did I say yes, why did I say yes, why did I say yes? Oh right, to get the Sonic Unleashed video game (Don't say it!!)

Sonia: This fourth wall breaking really isn't funny at all. Is this fic really under "Humor"?
Miyu: Unfortunately, yes.

Anyways, I'm at Amy's place, and already, I feel weird. Amy just called Sasha, and now I'm going to pay for saying yes. Oh well, at least I get the video game.

Manic: Why're you selling your soul for a video game?
Sonia: Implying that any of the characters in this fic had souls to begin with.

Remember a couple chapters back when I sais that I could probably finish this story before school starts? I lied. School starts tomorrow (the day after Labor Day). Oh well, I tried.

Now for my first ever commercial:

If you haven't read it already, then I strongly suggest you read Solar-the-Hedgehog's hilariously funny stories Solar Solstice and Life, love, and flowers. Highly entertaining.

Sonia: It's like Stephenie Meyer praising anything. You don't read it.
Manic: The Suethor doesn't know what humor is, so why the heck should I read this?
Miyu: At best, it would be mostly harmless. At worst... it'll end up as more riffing material.

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