Mystery Science Theater En Masse

Four Riffers, Episode 14: Sailor Moon and the Golden Key (Part Four)

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(Meanwhile)

Prince Orion and Princess Emma were talking in the New Nega moons’ secret room. “You wanted to see me your highness.” Said Princess Emma.

Emi: Then they weren't talking. They just started talking.

“Yes, I did my love. Now you had asked me if I would be able to transfer the energy out of Sailor Destiny’s power stick to the Dark crystal, am I correct?” asked Prince Orion. “Yes, I did. Do you know how to do it?” asked Princess Emma.

James: Just get the instruction manual. It'll tell you everything.

“Yes I do my beauty. In fact I know how to transfer it so that the energy would make us invincible and immortal. So that we can rule the world.

Manic: But you're on the Moon. Also, which world?
Emi: Doesn't matter. Everyone's so inconsistent.

And once we are married, our wedlock would cast a spell over the whole entire universe so that they would all be under our command.

Jessie: All hail the two-bit Shao Kahn and brainwashed Sindel knockoffs.

Now for the transfer I need two human sacrifices, Aurora’s crystal, and we need some stardust. Unfortunately we don’t have any of these ingredients with us right now. Why don’t we go together and get them?” asked Prince Orion. “That is a wonderful idea

Emi: That's not an idea. Why's she getting praised for her Captain Obvious suggestions?

we can get Aurora’s crystal last. Now for the two human sacrifices I got the perfect two people in mind.” Said Princess Emma. “And who would they be?” asked Prince Orion. “Darien and Serena of Course!” exclaimed Princess Emma.

James: Bad idea, lady. Should've used Sailor Sueniverse and Sailor Galaxy. That way, Sueniverse would die because Galaxy's life was in danger.
Jessie: Well, on the other hand, sacrificing those two means that there will be no Sailor Sueniverse or her Sue daughter... who they just captured. However, there's a problem with your idea, James... Universe poofed, remember?
James: Oh. Shows how much I care about this random plot, then.

“I don’t think we should go to Earth looking like this should we?” asked Emma. “Of course not! (Prince Orion and Princess Emma were walking to the throne room when they saw a servant girl)

Manic: She's totally not Rosalina in disguise!

You there!” shouted Prince Orion. Galaxy posing as a servant

Emi: And the suspense is now killed. What atrocious writing.
Jessie: I know that we all saw it coming a mile away, but still.

tilts her head toward them and says, “Yes your majesty what can I do for you?” “Take Princess Emma to her room and dress her as an Earthling would. Now My love meet me in the throne room when you are ready.” And with that he was off to his own room to get ready.

James: And then Rosie kicked Emma to the curb and stole her clothes and identity. I swear, if that is what actually happens, I will eat my bloody shoes.

The servant led Princess Emma to her room and started to dress her when Emma asked her to leave the room. “What’s your name servant?” asked Princess Emma. “My name is Imea, I am here by the orders of Prince Orion to dress you. Why do you want me to leave?” Imea

All: *flatly* ...who was actually Queen Galaxy...

asked in return. “Silence, I am the one giving the orders now. Go to the Wicken Sisters layer; tell them I sent you. GO!!” yelled Princess Emma. Imea did what she was told because she didn’t want to give any suspicion.

Manic: Thanks for holding my hand so I can go over a cliff. Appreciate it.

After Imea left Princess Emma immediately sealed all the doors and windows and started a search for Darien and Serena by using her power of location. “Crescent Dark Star Power!” yelled Princess Emma. Instantly Emma turned into the evil Sailor Crescent.

Manic: Remember, she's evil!
Emi: Why does everyone have a search ability? This is so redundant.
James: Why not? Gives these folks less time to make up unique abilities.
Jessie: Or a unique story.
James: Jess...
Jessie: Oh, shut up. You'd say the same thing.

Imea

All: *flatly* ...who was actually Queen Galaxy...

started down the hall when she noticed that there was a crystal door of some sort. She wondered where the door led to, so she started toward the door.

Jessie: It led to Hell.

She heard a voice inside the room. She started to back away. “You servant girl come here now.” Commanded Prince Orion. She hesitated at first, but remembered her duties as the disguise of a servant.

Manic: What? How did she forget that she was in disguise when she just used a fake name? I... *facepalms* ...man, this fic's giving me a headache.
Emi: She hesitated and she doesn't know the layout of the palace. That's a dead giveaway.

She started for Prince Orion and says, “What can I do for you, my lord?” asked Imea. “Is Princess Emma ready yet?” asked Prince Orion. “Well you see my lord, she asked me to leave and go to the Wicken Sisters layer but I don’t exactly know where that is.” Answered Imea. “Well for starters the crystal room is off limits to all servants. Now you will find the Wicken Sister’s layer near the northwest wing. Now get to work!” exclaimed Prince Orion as he started to walk off toward Princess Emma’s room.

Emi: Um, what was she supposed to do when she got there?
James: Waste our oxygen.
Emi: They're on the Moon, Mr. Daniels.
James: Still sticking with my statement.

(Meanwhile)

When Kathryn finally landed on Earth she disguised herself as Sailor Universe right away. “Kathryn disguise power! Turn me into Sailor Universe!” screamed Kathryn. Kathryn then turned into the beautiful Sailor Universe.

James: "Beautiful"? Gotta take a page from Axl's book. You misspelled "rage inducing", Suethors.
Manic: And there's another copied power.
Emi: I know that Sailor V had a disguise power, but this is ridiculous.

She ran through the alleys, and climbed over fences until she finally arrived at Darien’s apartment. Kathryn then went up to his door and opened it. To her surprise it was locked. “Now for a little magic. Lets see what Universe can really do! Kathryn universe electric force!” and with that she blew the door open.

Jessie: Secrecy? What the fuck is that? *shrugs*
Manic: The good guys suck, the bad guys suck. Who's there to root for?
James: Aside from a black hole blowing open and swallowing everyone up?
Manic: Okay, then I'm rooting for the black hole.
Emi: Wait... she says "Let's see what Universe can really do," and yet... the attack was called "Kathryn universe electric force". What is this nonsense?
James: Exactly what it is. Nonsense.

Darien had awakened. “Huh, who’s there?” said Darien.

Jessie: Wait, when the hell did he get back to Earth?
Emi: I guess he went with the Scouts, but the narration never mentioned that. *sighs, shakes her head* This fic is full of plotholes.
Manic: I thought that he wasn't supposed to be woken up. Did she forget the plan?
Emi: She forgot everything. *sighs* What an idiot.

Kathryn then quickly changed her disguise to Serena. “Oh its just you Serena. You should have just knocked. I would of let you in.” Darien said as he leaned over and kissed her on the mouth.

Emi: That sounds so robotic. "He kissed her on the mouth." What is that?
James: *sarcastically* Clearly, Serena's best known for breaking fuckin' doors down.
Jessie: Worst disguise ever. Worst plan ever.

“I know but I need your help?

Emi: Why is that a question?

In order for you to help me I need to blind fold you.” Said Serena. “OK, whatever you want my love.” After Serena blindfolded him. She then changed back to Kathryn. As she kissed Darien back on the mouth she teleported back to the Wicken Sisters headquarters. “Ok just sit here I’ll be right back.” Said Kathryn.

Emi: She said that after she left.
Manic: Fic can't even keep basic events straight.

Darien sat and waited for whom he thought was Serena to come back. “Aurora, He’s sitting in your room. I’ll go and join the others and train.” “What he’s not asleep?” asked Aurora “We had a little encounter but it was no biggie. If you just hypnotize him he should be fine.” Explained Kathryn. “But you did not follow my orders!” screamed Aurora. “Now you will be punished! Your now confined to our prison room for two days. Keep this as a warning, because next time I won’t be so merciful!” yelled Aurora.

Jessie: ...you suck, Aurora. If you knew that she'd screw it up, why didn't you do it yourself?
Manic: Alternate plans? The heck are those?
Emi: It also would've made more sense if Aurora also went with Kathryn to Earth...
James: Quit using logic. Everyone sucks and needs to be thrown into a pit.

“But Aurora what about the training we have to do to be ready for tomorrow?” asked Kathryn. “Well I guess you will be the only one not there unless Prince Orion has a say in it!” Aurora then grabbed Kathryn by the shoulder and dragged her down to the prison cell.

Manic: Strength in numbers really isn't a thing over there, huh?

In the prison Kathryn is unable to use her powers, but every twenty minutes she’s in their she will get shocked with electric energy. “Oh and by the way thanks for the powers. You’ll have them back after two days even if Prince Orion says differently, because I make the rules here. If I here any excuses or yelling from down here I’ll make your sentence longer.” And with that said Aurora left the room

Jessie: *as Kathryn* It's "If I hear any more excuses"...
Emi: *as Aurora* How dare you correct my egregious usage error! I'm sentencing you to death!
Jessie: *as Kathryn* But I'm your sister!
Emi: *as Aurora* Death!

Back in the Golden City. “What should we do Time, should we leave and go and search for Caranovia?” asked Sailor Planet. “I think we should stick to our original orders. Which was to look/search for Sailor Crescent.” Answered Sailor Time.

James: "Look and or search for Sailor Crescent"...? Oh, fuck me. This dialogue sucks. Everyone sucks. Everything sucks.

“Ok then where should we start?” asked Planet. “Well we can’t go to the moon because then well spoil whatever plan Galaxy has, so we mite as well start on Rindas~ and take it from there.” Answered Time.

Jessie: Sure, send the dust mites.

“Alright you give the orders and I’ll follow.” Said planet, with that they teleported to Rindas~.

Sailor Crescent entered the throne room wearing her sailor uniform except one thing missing she wasn’t wearing her crystal she was wearing Destiny’s. Well now it wasn’t exactly the crystal in which it was. Prince Orion had drained its negative power (destiny’s powers) and left only the immortal powers.

Manic: *with a megaphone* Who cares?!

So when Crescent wore the crystal she was invincible meaning with the power of her new crystal she was immortal.

Emi: Uh, no. Invincibility and immortality are two different things.

“You look sexy with that crystal you know!” exclaimed Prince Orion.

Manic: She was actually wearing nothing but the crystal.

“I know, tell me again how many days that I must posses this crystal for it’s power to become one with me.” Said Sailor Crescent. “You must have the crystal in only your possession for five days in order to become truly immortal. Then if all goes well Sailor Destiny and her mother will remain a myth and never return again.

James: Yeah, wanna hurry that up? A lot can happen in five days.
Jessie: That was before the year that randomly passed, right?
James: Never mind, then.

Now we must get to earth and capture Darien and Serena for the final ceremony of your new crystal. If we can get all the ingredients you won’t have to wait those long five days, but merely only a couple of hours.” Said Prince Orion. “I know where Darien is. Aurora has him so all we need is Serena, some stardust and Aurora’s crystal.” Said Sailor Crescent. With that said they soon left for Earth.

Emi: Wait, Aurora randomly has him now? When did this happen?! I just... *buries her face into her hands, screams in frustration*
James: Maybe another year just passed when we weren't looking.

Imea

All: *flatly* ...who was actually Queen Galaxy...

then headed for the northwest wing of the castle. She entered the layer and found that it was empty.

Jessie: Just like the worth of these fics.

She looked out the door and used her mind sensing power to make sure no one was around. “Good nobody in site.” Said Imea. With the snap of each hand the entire layer was spotless and she turned back into herself, the princess. She looked around the meeting room to see if there are any clues at all. She found a small piece of paper with numbers and locations on it and decided to copy it into her crystal. She pulled out her crystal and scanned it. Imea then moved on to Aurora’s room.

Once inside she saw Darien and went to him. “Darien, are you all right.” Asked Galaxy. “They are up to something you must get me out of her and protect Serena.” Replied Darien. Galaxy snapped her finger and Sailor Comet appeared.

James: Who the bloody hell is Sailor Comet?
Manic: Hmm... *looks through Mai and Miyu's notes* She was mentioned in the first fic, and wasn't mentioned or present in the second one. Guess the Suethors suddenly remembered her and wanted to stuff her in somewhere.
Jessie: Well, when you have too many shitty characters who act alike, you're bound to forget most of them.

“Yes, your majesty what can I do for you.” Questioned Sailor Comet as she appeared at her side.

Emi: Who did she work for?
Manic: Sensara.
Emi: We have no mention of her Heel-Face Turn, either? *throws her hands up* Great. Absolutely wonderful. I'm enjoying every second of this.

“I want you to summon your friend the one that can change into anyone he desires.

Emi: *reads Mai's notes* We already had someone who could do that. Whatever happened to Clone Able?
Jessie: Who?
Emi: This minion was only in the first fic... and was also a shapeshifter. There's no mention of his ultimate fate.
Jessie: Great.

But keep the noise down; I don’t want to be heard. My work here is not yet completed.” Commanded Galaxy.

At that Sailor Comet silently chanted “Come forth Morefed and complete my plead once done I shall award you yes indeed. Come Forth…COMET SUMMON CALLING.” Sailor Comet Whispered.

All: *blown off of the couch*
James: That wasn't a fuckin' whisper!
Emi: Ugh, not again...
All: *slowly gets back into their seats*
Manic: Dude. We just got THX'ed out of our seats.
Jessie: *groans* I'm getting way too old for this bullshit.
Emi: Ugh. By the way, does Sailor Comet appear in the remaining fics?
James: *wearily taps Tails's scanner* No.
Emi: It's the revolving door of bad characters.

A few moments later, Morefed appeared. “You summoned me.” Replied Morefed.

James: Crap, it's another character that we won't give a shit about.
Jessie: All of the existing OCs are shitty in their own way. Why not add another shitty character?
Emi: Perhaps we've entered our first Marysuetopia.
Manic: Oh, no.

“I am Queen Galaxy am I am the one in need of your help?

Emi: Why are you unsure if you need his help? You requested his assistance!

Do this for me and you may have whatever you want as long as it is reasonable.” Said Galaxy.

James: How about the end of this bollocks?
Jessie: Very unreasonable.

“Well, consider it done my Queen. Name your needs and I will comply.” Replied Morefed. “I want you to take Darien’s place until I am through with my plans here. Is that understood? There will be no talk of this at any time during your mission. Now get on with it.” Stated Galaxy.

Manic: *as Galaxy* Or I'll throw bombs on you!
Jessie: "Get on with it"? Marysuetopia: Where everyone is an insufferable asshole.

He than turned into a flawless replica of Darien. “Sailor Comet take Darien back to my palace and place him in one of the secret healing chambers. Tell no one of my plans and what I am up too.” Commanded Galaxy. Sailor Comet then did what she was told.

Emi: He was in the Golden City or whatever, then he's back on Earth, then he's on the Moon, and now it's back to square one. What in the heck are you people doing to him?
Manic: He's gonna have some serious transportation lag when this stuff's over.

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