Mystery Science Theater En Masse

Five Riffers, Episode 2: Street Fighter: No Time 4 Love (Part Two)

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3. Traning

iT was starting to rain tdoay.

Juniper: Kyogre's Drizzle Ability has activated!

Vega was upset. "NO I AHTE THE RAIN!" he yalld becase he relyly h8s da rain.

Kyo: *confused* I thought he hated it when his "beautiful" face was scratched.
Keiko: That's logic, Kusanagi. Can't have that.

chun li had umbrella. "no vega u cant be under my umbrella-ella-ella"

All: ...
Julia: Stop writing things. Please stop writing things.

ken heard dat from far away and laughed loud.

Amy: He really must be on the world's strongest laughing gas.

"ryu will u train me?" asked drusk.

Kyo: No. Say no. You said no to the schoolgirl before, remember?

ryu had his arms folded and closed hjis eyes and nodded 2 say yhes.

Kyo: God... damn it.
Amy: They're not allowed to say "no" to her, Mr. Kusanagi.

dey went 2 dojo do handstands.

Julia: *woodenly* The training. It is strenuous.

"y i have 2 do handstands ryu?" asked dusk.

Juniper: Hey, you asked him to train you. Now shut up and do it.

"b/c its good 4 balance and u need balancew when ur fighting or else u'll fall down." Dusk agreed with him so she did more handstands. Ken snoock up on Ryi while he waas handstanding and he pushed him over and laugh "hahnaha" Ken laugherd.

Keiko: *rubs her forehead* This court jester is working my last nerve.
Kyo: Get in line, Tsukino.

Ryu was angry "Ken go away ur not helping."

Amy: That's what everyone said from the beginning.

ken said i can help

Julia: No. No, you can't.

"No you cant ken go away"! Ken left with teh dogo El Fuerte was perfecting his lucha klibra skills.

Juniper: Ow, my neck!
Kyo: Well, that finally hit someone.

"can i join u" ken askecd. "umm...okay!" el fuetre reoplied. togethrer they practived together and did lucha libre and wrestle and things. they had good time too but they were wet from raining but they dindt care all that much.

All: *confused*
Kyo: You sure that they were training?
Amy: I'm not sure what they were doing.

Dusk was doing handstand "im pourd of u dusk!" she walk round on her hands without fall and then

Keiko: ...I pushed her over.

she saw el fuerte and klen outside doing wrestle.

Juniper: And then tons of slash ended up being written!

Dusk sit down and watch with say "waut u looking at?" then he see them and laugh! EL FUERTE AND KEN WERE MUD WRESTLING!

Julia: Somebody needs to put me out of my misery so I don't have to read the rest of this fic.

Dusk laughed big amnd said GO EL FUERTE then he look up and smille but then Ken talckle him and they fell in the mud ha ha ha.

Kyo: *places two fingers on the side of his head, makes a gunshot noise*

dusk said 2 ryu "go out dere and kcik their buts" tjen ryu was smile and ran but slipped on mud and everyone and ryu laughed cuz it was funny!

Julia: That just made Dane Cook look like a comedy genius here.

Dusk jumped from dojo pourch and did bellyfloip and slide on mud down. Eveyrone had good time then had mudball fight.

Amy: It stopped being funny when rocks were discovered in the mud balls.
Keiko: If it hit her, then I'm fine.

after fun honda walk out of dojo and everyone say "where u come from Honaa?"

Juniper: He battled Guile like... two chapters ago. How the heck could you ninnies forget that?!
Kyo: Trainer... you want them to use their brains. That organ has been fried since the beginning of this fic.

he had mad face frown though because he was there the whole time he was trying to rest but everyone was loud and doing wrestle and handstands!

Julia: Wow. He must be the world's lightest sleeper.

everyone stood up and was mormal then Dusk say "can u teach ME 2 wrestle?"

Keiko: Can we teach you how to go away? That'd be great.

and elfueste have strange look on his face because it woruld be kidna wired 2 wrestle wuith a cute girl.

Kyo: Wrestling leads to sex, kids. Use protection. The flirt uses it because it's basic common sense.
Keiko: You made it sound like you just... you know.
Kyo: I didn't.

"um i guess i could teach u something" said el fueriee and dusk smille because she reemmebered her favoriet wrestler rainbow mika she was really cute nad could beat up zangierf witout even trying! el feurete liekd her too.

Amy: Did... we just get infodumped?
Julia: Yes. And it's horrible.

ken and ryu left 2 town get something 2 eat. it stop raining so much but still a little.

Juniper: "The rain let up a bit." Could've written that.

"fuirst" said el fruete, "u have 2 stand like this!" and he stod with his lefgs aparts and hsi arms up like he was oging to grab someythuing.

Kyo: Is that his taunt or his "I gotta pee" dance?
Keiko: I hope it's the former.

Dusk stoofd like that too and was excite about learning to wrestle. then elg fueire said 2 truy and nock him over so Dusk was hesistated first but then did jump kcik. "WOW!" said el uete "ur stong but u need 2 be much stronger if u wnat 2 take down Zagnief!"

Julia: *woodenly* The training. It is thrilling.

so then dusk was reminded of how eman zangied was os she got really mad and charged art ekl fuiete, garbbed hima dn flung him down to the grownd like yesterdays newspaprer. el uferte was cover in mud!

Keiko: Well, that happened. Just take out your whiny Sue frustration on some poor bastard.
Amy: Unfortunately, that's not new.

"whao" he said in sh ock. "arlight so u nocked me over... but try 2 block mi atacks!" an he did pucnhds and kcisk and roll kick and jump punch and things.

Juniper: And stuff.

DUsk blocked most of them and dogded

Kyo: *smirks* ...with ease, Piko.
Amy: *fumes* Do not start that nonsense today, Mr. Kusanagi!

and jumped but el fuerte was too quick and kcikd her tummy and she fell on the ground. "lo siento amiga" he said in spaish.

Julia: *deadpan* Really? I thought that he spoke Korean for a moment there.

"im fien u dont hav 2 apologise" she wipe mud off face and stand up. EL FUerte was stood there for little while and said "another thin g u need 2 no is about-" then QUICK HE FLEW HIS FISH TOWARDS HER!

Amy, Keiko, Juniper, Julia: Huh?
Kyo: *confused* Well... that was suddenly a thing.

Dusk garbbed his fist with her ghand quick and was shcoked! "...sneak sattacks!" finsiehed el fuetrte saying. DUsk smiles

"hmm" el fuerete thinking "another thing that might come in hand are weakpionts." he say. "u hav 2 really study da oponet 2 fiknd deyr weakpoint!" "oh yah?" dusk said, "wuts mi weakpoint?"

Juniper: The crotch. Everyone's weakpoint is the crotch.

den el furerte walked up with a smierk on his face. "wuts so funny!" dusk said look scared kindof. "YUR weakoint..." el fuerte stared 2 say, "is rgiht here!" he poked her in her side were her ovaries and DUsks face turned red.

All: ...
Keiko: I... *gets up* I'm done. I'm done.
Julia: *picks up her Zigzagoon* Same.
Kyo, Juniper: *grabs Keiko and Julia's right arms respectively*
Juniper: Hey, we said that you could barely pay attention. We didn't say that you could leave us here with this stuff.
Julia: *grumbles* Fine...

"NUH-UH! JUST BECAUSE IM A GIRL DOESNT MEAN MY ORAVIES MAKE ME WEARK!" she yalled.

Amy: *exasperated* Hooray. She pulled the "I'm a girl" card.
Kyo: I also hate it, but let's be fair, Piko... she had no choice there.

then el; fuerte quick jabbed them and she was hurt worse then normal!

Julia: What kind of weird one-inch punch was that...?

she fall 2 grouwnd and cough and was really hurt. "owwwww! dam that relay does hurt..." she say.

Juniper: *with a dunce cap on her head, hands on her chin in a bored manner* Did it hurt? You didn't tell us a third time.

"i woudlnt know, hahaha" el fuerete siad with lauhg because he didnt have ovaries to hurt him!

Amy, Keiko, Julia: *removes their dunce caps*
Kyo: *burns his dunce cap* Stop insulting my intelligence, fic.

"well i bet i know waht your weakness is.." dusk say. "oh really? what is it?" Dusk put out hands and startied tickle el fuertes belly! "hahahaha!" elf uere laugherd. then duisk grabe round el fruete and tickle him until he couldtn take it anymorea nd said "ok ok u got me!" tehn sat on the grownd.

"wut do u think zangirefs weakness is?" dusk saked 2 el fuerte.

Keiko: Why don't you kick him in the crotch like Mayfield suggested earlier? After all, you just got punched in the damn ovaries.

"hmmmm..." el fuerek thought. "maybe HE'S tickleish!" Dusk laugehd and EL Fuerte did too. "im not sure" said dusk. "i will have 2 find out what it is if i wahnt 2 defeat hi,m." she said sagain. "thats the spirit!" said el fuerte and they looked at eachother in the eye and both smilled at them but then looked away and blusched because tehy wanted 2 kids eachother but threy were too embartassed so they didnt so instead they goth up and went inside to dry off and rest.

Kyo: Did... did this fic just take another dump on our heads?
Julia: Yes. And we needed to know that information about them wanting to have kids because... reasons.

when ken and rui came back from food they walked in dojo sand saw el fuerte and dsuk sleep on da ground. 'aw how cute' thought ryu. "HAHAHAHA HEY EL FUETE IS THAT UR GIRLFRIEND?" say ken with huge laughs.

Amy: *laughs weakly, stops* Don't make me use this hammer on you.

el fuerte was sleep though on floor and dusk too had head rest on el fuerte chest and was sleep for now and didn't bother waking up,.

Juniper: Hope they never wake up. I hope that everyone in this fic goes to sleep forever. This fic is... so bad.

Ryu got mad at Ken and shooked his head and walk way.

Amy: Wait, why's he mad at Ken? He didn't do too much to Ryu this time.
Kyo: Because... *tries to laugh, but grimaces instead*

Ken was still laughing "y u mad ryu? ha ha ha ha ha" ken say last time.

Kyo: Exactly... he just had to laugh.
Keiko: *rubs her forehead* Oh, stop existing. Please stop existing.

4. No Memroy

Juniper: I wanted to forget that I was reading this, anyway.

Next day not rainging nemore. Dusk and EL Fuerte walk otu da dojo find ryu and Ken practicin kung fu. "buenos dias amigos" sed el fuerte in spansich.

All: *throws their dunce caps off of their heads*

Ryu and Ken see dem adn smeile "good morning u 2". "want 2 see wut i learned?" saed Dusk 2 Ken. ken say ok. Dusk did wrestle stance and garbebd Ken bY THE LEGS AND flipped him over backgards. ken fdid double flip adn fall on his back. "urggh dat rely hurt!" ken said. evyerone smile but ken. "that not funny" ken say.

Julia: You weren't funny this whole fic. It's about time that something happened to you.

"come on lets get to tourna,ment matches." new matches were starting at statium.

Kyo: Why do I feel like I'm five years old?
Keiko: I assumed that you remained that way.
Kyo: *scowls* I hate you, Tsukino.
Keiko: That's nice.

NEXT IS... CHUN-LUI VS DAN HIKIBI! siad over intercome.

Amy: Who's speaking over the intercom? Is the intercom possessed?
Julia: Might as well be.

chun-li and dan wtent 2 stadieum do fight. "i wont go eeasy on u dan!" sed chun li "ya well i wotn go easy on u either" sed dan. dey fought togehter fpr a long time seemed likef orever.

Juniper: I won't go easy on you, Julia!
Julia: *sighs, reads in a bored tone* I also won't go easy on you, Juniper.
Juniper: Jeez, Jules! You're supposed to be excited here!
Julia: I am excited. *tries to smile* See?
Juniper: *huffs* You're no fun.

*YWAN* ken yawned juts then he saw rufus with nachos and paopcorn, "watch this" and ken threw shoe and it hit rufuses food and nock it everywhere. "GRRR KEN MASTERS!" sed rufus angrily.

Kyo: There's only one upside to this: Rufus finally pinpointed Ken Masters.
Amy: *doing practice swings with her hammer* Yeah, but it doesn't stop me from knocking him into the next city. I'm referring to the chucklehead on laughing gas.
Kyo: I know that, Piko.

ryu would never do somethign like that in his contry because that was frowned upond and el fuertre was sad at all the food die.

Juniper: And Heero was mad at all the penguins die!

kEN laugh at how agnry rufus was but. Dusk was tired furm cuz she didnt sleep long lats night she had nighmare and kept waikng up.

Keiko: *sighs* Wonderful. More infodumping.
Julia: At least it wasn't actual... well... you know.
Keiko: Don't tempt fate.

she stared 2 doze off too but then ken yekk "HEY DAN Y U WEAR PINK R U A GIRL?" den dan look up and was realllllyyy mad then got k. by chun-li and the fight was overed. "ty ken i thot i wud nevr win" said cun-lu after tournament match. "no problem hahaha" reploid jken.

Amy: Ken? Come here. Come here, please. I'd like to see how many teeth I can knock out of your skull in one swing! Come here!
Kyo: *picks Amy up, sits her down on the couch* Laws protect the stupid as well, Piko... unfortunately.
Amy: Oh, right. *sighs* And here's what I don't understand. How did Chun-Li have a hard fight against Dan?
Kyo: Logic. That and women that aren't the Sue aren't allowed to be tough in crap fics.

ryu saw dusk was tired "did u get much sleep dusk?" he sed. "not rly, i had terrible dremas dat i was in labratory and said soemthing about shaddaloo."

Juniper: Oh, wonderful! She's connected to Bison because tragic past!
Keiko: Did you expect anything else, Mayfield?
Juniper: Either that or she may have had some connection to the Satsui no Hadou.
Keiko: Yeah... I'd rather take the possible Bison route.

ken interupt "MAYBE UY SHOULD GET AN ACTUAL PILLOW INSTRED OF UR BOYFRIEND HAHAHAA"

All: *annoyed* Would you please shut up?!

ryu punch him

All: Thank you!

"hes not mi boyfriend omg" dusk say. ken laugfh a little but his guts were hurting beacuase oh the punch.

Julia: And my sympathy level is at... zero. Okay. Nice.

abel overheard dusk talk! "did u say u dreamsd something about shadlaoo?" abel said 2 dusk frum behind her. Dusk turn round and had big eyes.

Amy: That was before I poked them.

"ya y do u no wut shadaloo is?" den abel frowen "no i hav no memeory of mi pats.

Kyo: Your pants?
Juniper: No, her past.
Kyo: Oh. Oh... so it's this cliché crap.

i juts remember dis guy telling me 2 stay away frum shadaloo.:" abel saeid. ask chun-li. "cnun li wats shadloo?" "im not sure" chun li saied. maybe was evil corporation take over the world?

All: Chun-Li doesn't know what Shadaloo is?!
Julia: These people are idiotic cardboard stand-ins!

ken was borde of shadallo talk so he ran over 2 rufus who was getting hotdogs and meatball subz and push him and he dorp fod on the grond.

Keiko: *facepalms* This is as funny as a car crash.

"GRRRR! KEN MASTERRRRRRS!" gropwled rufufs. then ken ran fast and was laughing whole time but was chase by rufufs but when ran by el feurte el fuerte trip rufuis and he fall down and ken stop and turn and laugh some more and was made rufus REALLY MAD so he run like mad to Ken and Ken saw and ran fast like brave to get away! 'hes such a childe' thought ryu thought to his self.

Amy: A child? More like a lobotomized frat boy.

el fuerte was laugh. dusk and abel were walk away long time ago and were away by then and were sit byt the ruiver and watch it flow.

"U have no memorty of ur past?" Dusk aks Abel. "no i dont :(

Kyo: Why... is that sad face there...?
Juniper: *shrugs* Because the author was too lazy to write that he frowned.

it really hurts me insite." abel roply. "dats so sad..." say Dusk. "do yuu kneed a hug?" dusk say agian. Abel look at her confuse and say "i dont know? i dont get a lot of hugs." tehn dusk rap ehur ar,ms arond abel and give him a hog.

Keiko: I think my brain just malfunctioned.
Kyo: That's a first.

Abel had smiel for first time and said ty.

Julia: Is it that hard to spell out "thank you"?
Juniper: Yes.

da river was flow under deyr feets and den saw a fish and water.

Amy: And then the fish ate their feet. The End.

"i dont rly remember muich of mi past either:" dusk sed quitly. abel lokk at her in face and was sad again. "all i remember is wakign up in da street surroudnded by ded ppl... idk if i kiled them?" dusk whispersd da last sentence.

Kyo: Oh. Oh, yeah, that makes everyone really calm about it. Lady, shouldn't you be traumatized by all of that?
Amy: No. It's the magical Tragic Sue Past. She won't be affected by it.

"i fifured dat i shud be a fishter bcuz i was apparently rly good at it?" den abel lok at her and say "r u rly?" den dusk look down and say "i think so... deres only one way to find out." then duysk got on feet and jump and did twirl kick and kciekd Jen who was behind her!

Juniper: Who the heck is Jen?
Keiko: It's actually Ken... I hope. And if it is Ken, then good. He needed to be kicked.

"KEN Y U DOIN HERE?" Dusk yelled.

Julia: He got bored after bullying Rufus. Jeez, Ken's such a horrible person in this fic.

"urgg i WAS going to push u int he river but now dat i no ur jsut gonoa bet me up den i guess nvm!" ken say while rubing his broked nose.

All: *flatly* What.
Juniper: She broke... his nose?
Kyo: You know, on one hand, I have no sympathy. On the other hand... what is it with Sues "accidentally" breaking everyone's noses? *looks through some notes* Yeah, that happened in that one Sonic fic that Glasses riffed with her group. Is this a trend?
Amy: I hope not. That'd be horrible.

"wow maybe u R a good fighter" said abelw ho was impress.

Julia: You're impressed by someone doing a kick and accidentally breaking someone else's nose. If you're this excited and gullible, I have some oceanfront property that I'd like to sell to you.

DUsk smilled and helpd ken git u-p. abel get up too. "ty 4 talkign 2 me dusk" he sed. "anytiem abel" she replifd back. they were both smile except ken who was upset at broked nose.

Amy: *holds up a picture of a hospital* Hello? Take him to one of these -- hello?!

dUSk gave 1 last hug 2 abel and he uhg bakc then dusk grabe kens hand and pueld him up 2 da stadeium where not the river andymore.

Kyo: *sighs as he burns another dunce cap* Look here, fic. I'm also too big for pacifiers, bibs, and hearing airplane noises while it's feeding time.

"uh oh" sed ken who saw ruffus with speilt food all o er him. "KEN MASTERS UR GONNA GET WATS COMIN TO YA" rudsus yell growled. rufsus ran like fast toe ken and jken was still dizy from brokend nose so he was fraid for first time then dudsk saw and had to act quick so duck

Juniper: *quacks*

move infrotmn on ken and wen rufus got near she threw up her foot realy fast and kciked him in the chin and send him flyign.

Keiko: *facepalms* Well, that answered my question on whether she was a jerk or not.

ken laugh HAHA HA HA HA HA!

Amy: *"accidentally" hits Ken in the face with her Piko Piko Hammer* Sorry. I've been extremely clumsy lately.
Kyo: Are you trying to smash his nose into his face, Piko?
Amy: Maybe.
Kyo: Go ahead, then.

GRRR rusufs get up and try to get 2 ken but was behind dusk.

Julia: This is the former Pan-American Martial Arts champion, guys. Just let that sink into your heads about his status and why he's being a horribly constructed character.

dusk had wrestle stance liek el fuetere taughted her to do. the n dusk charge and grabf rufus by tghe hands and thety were wrestle which was disgusting cuz rufus was fat and growss.

Keiko: Fat, yes. Annoying, probably. Gross? No, Dusk, that's you.

then dusk push bakc with all her mite and rufus flal down. "wuts wrong? cant hit a girl?" say ken from beihnd dusk.

Juniper: Grrrl Powah!
Kyo: *facepalms* Oh, god.

"I CAN SO, SHE JUST KEEPS HIDING BEHIND THIS MAN!" yelled rufus.

Julia: *sighs* Rufus, you just called the resident Sue a man. Hope you're ready for the fic to hate you further.

Thtat made Dusk reALLY MAD CUZ HE JUST CALLED HER A MAN AND CALLED KEN A GIRL!

Amy: Yes, what he said was dumb. But maybe he was just angry and said the wrong things in a rage... which Ken caused him to go into earlier!
Keiko: That's logic, Amy. You know we can't have that.

Dusk roar and riase arms like bear and smacked rusufs ont he head then garbed his pontail and kneed him in the face many tiems then step back and did twirl kick like brefore on ken but this time on purpose!

All: *stunned*
Juniper: You! You! *repeatedly points at the screen* You are a horrible person! And you deserve to get hit by a bus!

"OH CRAAAP!" say rusuf as he fall on ground and was K.O.! Dusk was happy for win and ken pat her back and then evyerone gather and calp because noone new she was rly a great fighter.

Kyo: *angry* She is not a fighter! She is a useless piece of crap who just beats people up because of stupid shit like this! I'm not buying it!
Amy: Not to mention that she was crying her eyes out earlier when Zangief beat El Fuerte up and she thought that he was dead. So... I'm lost here.

"im pourd of u dusk." say ryu with big chest and proud.

Amy: *doing more practice swings* How many teeth are in the average head again?
Keiko: Twenty-eight. Thirty-two if you count the wisdom teeth.
Amy: Okay. Looks like I'll be aiming for a hundred teeth!
Julia: *hands her Zigzagoon to Juniper* Take care of him for a bit. I need to work on something.
Juniper: *confused* Okay...
Kyo: *gets up* I'm taking a break. I have a massive headache right now.
Juniper: Hey! Where are you going?
Kyo: I have three options available to me, Trainer. I have the usual aspirin, drinking myself to death, or mimicking the Fox Clone with a cyanide pill. Unfortunately for me, you ladies won't let me do the last two options.
Keiko: *smirks* I would.
Kyo: *narrows his eyes* Shut up, Tsukino gaki.

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