Mystery Science Theater En Masse

Egg Spiral Crew, Episode 15: Sailor Sun (Part Six)

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Chapter 18

Josh went to the airport to put up missing posters of Ana and saw her boarding a plane back to America.

Tails: Why not on the milk cartons?
Sonic: That's because the milk instantly spoiled when a picture of her ended up on the side of the carton.
Tails: Uh... excuse me?
Sonic: Hey, Mary Sues are known for doing some really terrible stuff.

"Ana! Wait!" yelled Josh as he ran as fast as he could to her. Ana then stopped and looked at him.

"Don't board that plane. The scouts need you badly!" Yelled Josh as he stopped. "Serena and the scouts might be killed again and who knows if Queen Serenity will save them again!" yelled Josh as tears started from his eyes. Ana then felt sorry and returned home.

All: *confused* What?!
Amy: Seriously? This is what causes her to return?!
Sonia: We didn't need character development, Amy.
Manic: Wow, this fic's dumb.
Sonic: *snickers* It was always dumb.

When she was about to go to sleep, she saw a reflection of Veronica in the sky saying to meet her in a few days. Ana got shivered at the thought. Pluto then appeared before Ana's parents, touched their forehead and gave them their memories of Ana.

Tails: I give up. I'm lost, I'm confused, this fic makes no sense...
Manic: This is what being a riffer's all about, man. You're gonna be lost.

The Next Day:
After school she went to training and trained for the final battle. Ana was very depressed because she was afraid she would die.

Sonic: Tch... heh! *laughs*
Amy: *plays a song on a tiny violin*
Tails: You killed everyone. And you're worried that you're going to die... in a series that is known for resurrection... *holds his head* Ow, ow, ow...
Sonia: Logic doesn't exist, Tails. I know that it's hard, but you need to stop using it.

Chapter 19

It was the day of the battle and all the scouts suited up. But before they left, Pluto was worried about her Dead Scream. It wasn't working lately so before they left she tried it and luckily it worked.

Manic: Yeah, they had to spray some WD-40 on her Time Key.

The scouts were transported the dark side of the moon.

Sonic: Pink Floyd made it there, too?

There was ice everywhere.

Amy: And a sign that said "Axl was here".
Sonic: No ice couch, huh?
Tails: When you think about what he did with the last ice couch... it's better that we don't have one.

"Ahhh!" screamed all the scouts as they were trapped in thorn bushes, vines and nega energy.

Manic: I think Axl read that.
Sonia: The battle just started, and I'm already bored. Now I'm wondering if Benji will show up and save the day with his penis.
Tails: Why did I sign up to be a riffer...?
Sonic: Because you have inner demons, buddy.
Tails: *sarcastically* That was very encouraging, Sonic.
Sonic: Glad I could help.

The scouts were trapped and none of their attacks worked.

Sonia: Well, that just described this entire fic...

Sailor Moon and Sailor Sun were the only ones who weren't.

Amy: *flatly* Well, isn't that convenient.

Then Veronica appeared and blasted the scouts that were trapped. The scouts were then unconscious. It was two on one.

Tails: What's the point of being a scout that isn't Sailor Moon or Sun, then?
Manic: To be cannon fodder.
Amy: Unfortunately, they're often used as cannon fodder in the original series, too...

"Sun, world quake!" yelled Sailor Sun as she tried to attack Veronica. But the attack missed and hit the scouts! The scouts were dead!

Sonia, Manic, Amy, Tails: *flatly* What.
Sonic: *chuckles* Wow, you're the worst ally ever.

Sailor Sun was devastated yet mad.

Sonia: Emotions don't exist in this one.

Then visions of her rejections and her past life came back. Sailor Sun's blood began to boil.

Manic: She's gonna need to take a look at that.

Then Sailor Sun touched Sailor Moon. Sailor Moon turned into Eternal Sailor Moon and Sailor Sun turned into Eternal Sailor Sun. Eternal Sailor Sun had the same outfit as Eternal Sailor Moon except everything was Silver and Gold and she had a celestial sun on her forehead.

Amy: We missed the part where she was about a million times better, too.

They both floated up and tried the physical approach but it didn't work. They were knocked down.

Tails: The physical approach never works in fics like these. Come on!
Manic: They had to be stupid for a little bit.
Sonia: Considering that the entire cast in this fic is practically stupid, that's saying a lot.

The scouts came back to life and focused their power on the both of them, their tiara's disappeared and the sign of their planet appeared. The colors of their planets went into both of them and they turned into their princess form. Then the scouts fainted.

Sonic: You've done your jobs, cannon fodder.

Sailor Moon and Sailor Sun sat up and got on their feet. They noticed they were in princess form. Then their crystals appeared. They took them, rose them high and attacked Veronica. Veronica attacked with Nega energy. At first the two princesses started to loose but Ana thought of her past and she became very angry. She took all her energy, hatred, sadness, and strength.

Amy: If only this boring fic would just end along with it.

Chapter 20

But Veronica attacked harder and killed Serena!

All: ...
Manic: Man, isn't this like... the third time that this happened? Suethor must really hate her if she's offing her so much.

Ana became very mad, took the crystal and combined the two and put everything she's got and killed Veronica!

Tails: *flatly* Thrilling. Mary Sue saves the day, because of course she does.
Sonia: I'm jut waiting for the part where she dramatically dies and everyone cries over it.
Amy: Hey, if this is an old school Mary Sue fic, it's definitely going to happen.

"NNNNOOOOOOO!" screamed Veronica as she was blasted to kingdom come with love energy.

Sonic: "Love energy". Yeah... I don't think that's how you spell "Super Sue Power".

Ana then dropped to the ground and checked Serena's pulse. Dead. Ana saw Sailor Chibi Moon disappearing and quickly she tried to think. Ana felt a new power over come her. Quickly she blew in some of her life into Chibi Moon.

Manic: Where the heck did Chibi Moon come from?
Amy: Thin air.

While she was doing this, the scouts came back and saw what she was doing. Then Ana moved very slowly to Serena and blew the rest of her life into Serena. Josh transported himself to Ana.

"Ana, come on, hold on!" yelled Josh as he held her in her arms. At that second she knew he loved her and died.

Tails: You called it, Sonia.

She layed there next to Serena. Not breathing one bit. The scouts were freed and ran to where Ana was lying and Serena was coming back.

"What happened?" asked Serena as she saw Ana.

"Ana, remarkably, blew her life into Reeny and you," explained Mercury,

Amy: And her name is misspelled. It should be "Rini". Wait... why does she have her dub civilian name but her original Japanese scout name... never mind.

"but she died saving you two. You should be thankful that she died to save your lives."

Sonia: Oh, go fuck yourself, you Mary Sue shilling piece of shit.
Sonic, Manic, Tails: *blinks*
Amy: *shrugs* Well, someone was going to snap. Glad it wasn't me. Anyway, Serena's being told to be grateful... after the Sue killed her three times.
Manic: Man, she really has a bad track record when it comes to being treated like trash. First Benji, now her.
Amy: You forgot Destiny and Sakura.
Manic: Oh. Right. I didn't riff those fics.
Amy: Same. But Emi and Cassy had a lot to say about those fics, though.

Serena and the scouts started to cry and

Sonic: ...that caused Sonia to be right again.

tried to take her back to Earth but couldn't do because they needed her to transport herself.

Tails: Wait, wait, wait, how can she transport her own dead body?
Sonic: Um... uh... because.

So, they left her there resting in peace.

"Take good care of her soul," said Serena to her mother. Then the scouts were transported back.

Manic: Can this fic transport their original personalities, too?
Sonia: Not happening.

Chapter 21

The Next Day:
Serena was soooo depressed that she was early for school!

Sonic: Why the heck would that leave her bummed?
Amy: Because reasons, Sonic.

But before the bell rang, she layed her head on her desk. Then she heard someone sit at the desk in front of her where Ana used to sit. Serena looked up and saw Ana!

Tails: *flatly* What a surprise.
Manic: Alright, what Sue power did she pull out of her butt this time?
Sonia: Like it matters. It's all rainbows and sparkles no matter what.

"Ana? Is that you?" asked Serena in amazement.

"I even have Saturn's rebirth power," said Ana winking while holding up her first two fingers.

All: *facepalms*
Sonia: Of course she does. God, I hate this boring Sue.

Serena was then happy that her friend that was neglected in her past life, and had a rotten life, had another chance.

Amy: Oh, jeez -- she wasn't neglected! The whole fic basically told us that the canon cast had to kiss her butt 24/7 or she'd start whining!
Sonic: I could've sworn that's what babies, puppies, and kittens do.
Tails: They're a lot more tolerable than Mary Sues and Gary Stus.
Sonic: True. Anyway, are we done with this silly fic now?
Amy: We're done.
Sonic: Yes--
Amy: With Episode One.
Sonic: What?!
Manic: Yep. Three more chapters to go, bro.
Tails: And it kicks off the incredibly incomplete "Episode 2".
Sonic: *sighs, laughs a little* Nice.
Sonia: Well, Sonic. This is certainly not getting you down.
Sonic: Yeah. It's still a terrible fic.
Tails: We're definitely not going to argue with that fact.

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