Mystery Science Theater En Masse

Egg Spiral Crew, Episode 9: A Rare Chance In Life (Part One)

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A Rare Chance In Life A Rare Chance In Life Chapter One – A Lesson Learned The Hard Way Dedicated To Barb…

Manic: Maybe the real title should be called "Repeat the title in case any of you forgot that".
Amy: No, that's just a formatting mistake... I think.

Kaori typed away on her keyboard to her newly found ICQ friend, Barb.

Amy: *points at the author's pen name* No, this isn't a self-insert fic! Why do you ask?
Sonic: *snorts* ICQ... does anyone use that today?
Sonia: This fic was written in 2001, Sonic. And yes, some people still use it.
Sonic: Oh.

They we're both members of Ashiura Gals Club and found that they had a lot in common. They have only met a few days ago, but it seemed like they have know each other for years.

Sonia: And then one of them was a secret serial killer, just like in those Lifetime movies.

Kaori: What do you think of Benimaru.

Barb: I think he's beautiful. *Hugs On Her Benimaru Doll*

Manic: *scratches his head* Oh, boy... we just started, and I'm already thinking that this fic's getting sad.

Kaori: Wow, you really like him. No matter. I LOVE him, so that's different. *Hugs on HER Benimaru Doll*

Sonia, Amy: *confused* What...?
Manic: Okay, now it's sad.
Sonic: Maybe they'll perform some awkward voodoo on the dolls later.

Barb: My doll is better.

Kaori: Is not.

Barb: Is to.

Kaori: Not.

Barb: To.

Sonia: *rubs her head in annoyance* Oh, dear heavens, you kids have way too much time on your hands. Read a book or something!

(This went on for ages until Kaori's dad walked in.)

Sonic: As a matter of fact, it kept going well into their eighties.

Kaori: Oh Crap! PAW! (Parents Are Watching)

Amy: So... you're embarrassed because your parents would see your brain being nuked to a terrible use?
Manic: At least it wasn't porn. "Virgin Vaginas", anyone?
Sonic: Is that a hard metal band?
Manic: I wish, bro.

Barb knew exactly what to do. She stopped typing.

Sonia: If only this fic could do the same.

Kaori's Dad: Whom are you talking to?

Kaori minimized the Chat.

Kaori: Oh, no one.

Manic: *as Kaori* Ever heard of Benimaru Nikaido, Dad? Square.

Kaori's dad eyed his daughter suspiciously. He doesn't like Kaori talking to strangers. (Talk about old fashioned) But he finally left.

Amy: Yes, forget the part where he's concerned for your well-being.

Kaori: Phew! Almost got caught.

Barb: J

Suddenly, Kaori's computer freezes.

All: Good.

"What the?"

The whole screen went blank. She called out to her sister. No answer. She then realised her dad sitting on the couch behind her, was not moving. He seemed to have frozen, just like her computer.

"Hello there." Said the computer.

Manic: *as the computer* Would you like to play? Play with me.

Kaori's heart froze.

Sonic: And then she croaked.
Amy: Um... is that good?
Sonic: Considering what we have, you wish that'd happen right now.

'The computer just spoke?' she thought.

A blue-haired fairy with butterfly wings appeared. She was dressed a little more modern than those fairies in Fairy Tales. She wore a light blue jacket with a heart shaped opening in the chest area, with a mini skirt that has diamond shaped cuts on the sides. Infact, she looked like a mini Shermie with some little variations. She held a wand with a blue diamond on the top.

Sonia: Oh, jeez, not another one of those "sucked into another universe via some electrical medium" fics!
Sonic: But this is our first fic of that kind, sis.
Sonia: I know... but I've heard some stories about how awful they are.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU?" Kaori screamed out.

"No need to be afraid. I'm here to make your wish come true." Said the fairy.

Amy: Yes, and who can do that better than a miniature version of a servant of Orochi?

Kaori stared at her with a puzzled look.

"Make my wish come true?" she asked.

The fairy crossed her legs as she floated in the middle of the screen.

"What have you always wanted?" she asked.

Kaori thought for a while.

Sonic: Just say that you want to beat Kyo Kusanagi in everything. That's it, really.

"A scanner?"

The fairy shook her head.

"What have you always wanted to happen? Think?"

Kaori thought with a disappointing look.

Amy: You're asking a self-insert to think? Are you out of your mind?

"…I wanted, all KOF characters to come to life…I even wrote it on my ICQ info."

Manic: *rubs his head* This is really sad. Oh, god, this is really sad.

The fairy brightened up.

"Yes. That's it."

Kaori turned away.

"That's never going to happen, is it?"

Sonia: Unfortunately for us, it will.

The fairy stood up.

"Now THAT'S where you're wrong! I am here to grant you that wish! You and your friend will be teleported to the KOF world.

Sonic: Aw, crap. Here we go.

I will only teleport you in, and I will help you with nothing more. There is a secret, which, I'm sure you will figure it out with no problem. It is not exactly you wish, but this is as close as you can get. Ready?"

Amy: We're not! Can we just end it abruptly?

Kaori looked at the fairy with wide eyes.

"Serious?"

Manic: Yeah, she's super cereal. Just go in already!

"Please don't look at me like that, you're scaring me!" said the fairy. As she waved her wand, a vortex appeared on the screen. Kaori was instantly sucked into the vortex.

Kaori's mind was spinning. She was dying to get out of this…Thing!

Sonia: And so was I.
Manic: Jeez, we've gone through ten riffings before this one... and you're still bitter.
Sonia: And you aren't?
Manic: Nope. I'm relaxed for the most part. That's why everyone loves me.

A swishing sound could be heard and Kaori landed on the ground with a thud.

"Ouch!" she cried out. A backpack landed next to her.

"Ouch!" said someone next to her with a backpack ALSO landing next to her.

A girl about seventeen with brown hair and brown eyes was sitting next to her, rubbing her injured ass.

Sonic: Guess that's a literal term for "butthurt", then.

Holding a Benimaru Doll. The funny thing is, she herself was holding one too.

All: Ah, crud.

Kaori was dressed in her usual clothes. Boy's clothes, which she fells comfortable in. She had short black hair and like the other girl, brown eyes.

Manic: Needs more Grrrl Pow--
Amy: Not yet, Manic.

They looked at each other.

"Who are you?" they said at the same time.

"I'm Kaori."

"I'm Barb."

Sonia: I'm annoyed.

They sat in silence for a moment. Then they jumped up in excitement.

Kaori: WOW! It's really you!

Barb: I can't believe this!

Kaori: Well, believe it!

Manic: Sure thing, Naruto.

Barb: Like your Benimaru Doll.

Kaori: Like YOUR Benimaru Doll.

Sonic: I like my brains served with cauliflower and ranch, thanks.

Barb: Are we really in the KOF world?

Kaori: The blue fairy said she would teleport me or us to the KOF world. I hope this is not Residential Evil…

Barb: Or Hell Night…

They both shivered.

Amy: *shifts her eyes* Yeah, too bad, huh?

A man with long (or tall) blonde hair appeared. It was Benimaru.

Manic: He's boned. Show's over.

Kaori: Yup. We're definitely in the KOF world now…

Barb looked very excited in seeing Benimaru.

Sonia: *woodenly* No, really? I would not have been able to guess that.

Barb: Wow…

Kaori waved a hand in front of her.

Kaori: Ah… Barb? Are you there?

Barb did not move.

Kaori: OK, this is worrying me…

Sonic: *taps his foot impatiently* Come on, get to it!

Benimaru turned to look at them.

His eyes flashed at the sight of Barb. He quickly dashed to her.

Sonia: I know a good optometrist, honey.

Benimaru: Hello my lovely lady.

Barb looked around.

Barb: Y… Y… You talking to me?

All: Yes, you dummy!

Benimaru smiled.

Benimaru: Do you see any lovely ladies around?

Kaori frowned

Sonia: Period, dear.

"Then what am I?" she mumbled.

Sonic: *as Benimaru* Slightly annoying, not worth my time... need I go on?

Benimaru suddenly had a serious look on his face. He cupped Barb's cheek with his palm. Slowly, he went in for the kill. He kissed Barb full on the lips.

Manic: Well, damn! Just skip the pleasantries and hop on over to first base, huh?

(All Beni fans, DON' T go and kill Barb!)

Amy: That's okay; Cassy's a fan of--
Sonic: Not yet, Ames!
Amy: But what about Sonia's like of--
Sonia: Amy! Hush about that!
Amy: *folds her arms, pouts a little* Hmph!

Kaori watched with wide eye.

'Hentai…'

Manic: *whispers* Weeaboo...
Sonic: *snickers* You're a dickweed, bro.

After what seemed like forever, Benimaru, finally withdrawed, revealing a red-faced Barb.

Benimaru: I see you are one of my fans.

Sonia: Sounds more like "horny groupie" to me.

Barb first looked puzzled, but then she realised the Benimaru doll.

Barb: Ohh… Yes. My friend there is your fan too.

Benimaru turned to look at Kaori. She looked like a boy to him. A typical boy holding a Benimaru doll.

'Is he GAY with me?' he thought.

Amy: *makes a face*
Manic: *laughs at Amy's reaction*
Sonia: Why are we mixing script and story formats? Pick one and stick with it, author!

Benimaru gave his concentration back to Barb, who was still a little shock at the whole situation.

"Now my angel (he can think of ALL different names), care to come to my apartment…"

"?"

Sonic: Yay, he's now a lech! Thanks for derailing him so hard, author!

Kaori stepped in

"Okay, BENI BOY! That's going a bit too far!"

Benimaru stopped her from talking.

Sonia: *mutters* Thank god for that.

"I can tell that you are jealous and all, but I really interested in girls and would like to concentrate on this fair maiden here now."

Furious, after what Benimaru had said, Kaori punched Benimaru fair and square on the face. Surprisingly, crimson flames engulfed her fist. Even more surprising was the fact that Benimaru flew at least ten feet away from where he was originally standing. He is now officially unconscious. (THE WINNER IS… KAORI!)

Amy: *stammers* Oh-oh... oh, my god.
Sonia: *facepalms* Oh, dear heavens.
Manic: Uh... did she just punch out Benimaru Nikaido?
Sonic: Crimson... flames...? Did this girl just steal the powers of Kyo Kusanagi?!
Manic: Um, I guess I can say it now, huh?
Amy: *sighs* Why not?
Manic: Cool. Grrrl Powah!

Kaori stared her hand as Barb rushed to her. The flame flickered a bit and changed colour… TO PURPLE.

Sonic: *annoyed* Oh, for god's sake! This brat's got the powers of Iori Yagami, too?!
Amy: *grabs her head* Argh!
Manic: Wow... it only took one chapter for Kaori to hit the Sue meter.
Sonia: *gritting her teeth* And it only took one chapter for me to hate the whole damn fic.

"Wow…" she gasped.

"How did you do that?" asked Barb.

"I don't know.

Amy: Oh, yes you do, Madame Sue!

That bastard over there made me so mad, that I just snapped and 'poof', there it was, the flame on my palm. It was crimson then though."

Barb smiled.

Sonia: And you smiled.
Amy: *smacks her face with her hands* I already hate this thing.
Manic: The Sue or the fic?
Amy: I don't know any more.

"I thought you liked Beni." (Beni? VERY sweet name Barb!)

Sonia: Uh... you called him that earlier, Kaori. Then again, memory doesn't seem to be one of your strong suits.

"Well, I did. Until he said those IDIOTIC stuff. He acted like a major asshole!"

Sonic: Says the asshole.

Barb chukled.

Manic: Dude, don't you have anything else to do other than giggling like an idiot? Oh, wait.

"Maybe, but he gave me such a nice first kiss…"

"First kiss?" asked Kaori. "Lucky your first kiss was with a guy that doesn't exist in the REAL world."

"Agreed."

Sonic: Yep, someone's going to be very lonely when they have to tweak those "Twilight" standards a bit...
Amy: This fic is like a chopped onion. It makes me want to cry.

They walked over to Benimaru, who, they presumed, was still unconscious. They both got their backpacks and rampaged through it. They found a sketchbook and a box of high quality pencils.

Sonia: *irritated* Will you moronic ingrates escort him to a goddamn hospital already?!
Amy: *sighs*

"The fairy sure equipped us well." Said Barb.

"Yeah. Look. My Pyjamas! And all the other necessaries!"

They both sat down and began to sketch.

"There." They both said as they finished their sketch of Benimaru.

"Looks like Ashiura will have a lot of contributions to the gallery." said Barb, putting away her sketchbook.

Manic: Okay, he's dead. Looks like he had a lack of oxygen to the brain. Thanks, ladies... jeez, I think I have a tumor in my head now.

"I reckon." said Kaori as she put away her sketchbook. "But it depends on if we'll EVER get out!"

Amy: Maybe Iori will kill them in his Riot state.
Sonia: One can only hope.

"But first, we'll have to find somewhere to stay." Suggested Barb.

"We're not going to HIS apartment!" said Kaori pointing to Benimaru.

Sonic: *sighs* He's got a name, Kathryn.
Sonia: Kaori.
Sonic: Oh, you know why I'm calling her that, sis.

"Ok, if you don't want to."

They slowly walked off to where they thought would be the way to town.

Amy: And then they fell into a pit and got sucked back into the real world... you know, where reality applied and all.
Manic: Pfft. Huge pipe dream.

Author's Note:

Ok, this story is crap, I know, but I wrote it for fun.

Sonic: So... why'd you torture us by publishing it?
Manic: For fun, Sonic. For fun.

I know right now there is only one KOF character and it may be boring now and all.

Sonia: No, it's not boring at all. It's infuriating!

Bear with me cause this IS about two average girls getting sucked into the KOF world.

All: Unfortunately.

I'll try putting more on the next chapter.

Sonic: You'll see stuff like, "Who will Kaori punch out next?"!
Amy: How does she knock Benimaru out and live to see the next day?! That's what I want to know!

Next Chapter's Highlights:

Who will Kaori and Barb meet on the way to town?

Manic: *coughkyocough*

How does Kaori cope with her newly found powers?

Sonia: She'll be fine. In fact, she'll usurp everyone just like Ash Crimson did.

Will Barb have powers of her own?

Amy: Yep, because she's a Sue, too.

(in a deep voice) Find out, in the next chapter of… '?'

Manic: Question mark? Man, did you forget the title of your own fic?!
Sonic, Sonia, Amy: Yes. Yes, she did.

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