Mystery Science Theater En Masse

Black Crow Crew, Episode 12: New Girl!? (Part Three)

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11 - Is Rina Gone.. Or not.?

Cassy: Gone! Stay gone! We can't have those crappy resurrection powers!

Kyo: No, they weren't. Stop lying.

(Mina: Why…. She was so pure.)

Miyu: Yep... pure ghosty letters.
Jessie: She was also boring as hell.

(Veena: DON'T LEAVE US RINA!!) (Sunshine: *Sniffle* We will all miss you Rina.)

Kyo: *eating a cookie* We won't. Au revoir, mademoiselle (Goodbye, miss).

(Rina's mom: Oh George.. Why. We should have been more attentive to Boomer too..) (George: Don't worry honey, that's nature.)

Miyu: Of course he isn't as pure and perfect as his odd Sue sister, but hey, that's nature!
Jessie: *plays her harmonica, sings* You guys are assholes...

After the funeral Sonic, Veena, and Sunshine were still there though. But as they were crying something magical happened! Sparkles were around the grave and were forming someone's body which was.. RINA!

Kyo, Miyu, Jessie: ...
Cassy: *clutches her hair in anger* Shit pickle!

(Rina: Ugghhh.. What happened?)

Miyu: *narrows her eyes* It was a stupid plot device. That's what happened.

(Sonic: RINA!!!) Rina and Sonic kissed for a wonderful moment. (Veena: Rina! What's up!) (Sunshine: Its good to have you back!) Then everyone was happy until..

Kyo: She suddenly died again. *ignites a flame, chuckles darkly* I made sure of that.

Metal Sonic came! Not just him but everyone from Mobias had a Metal version of themselves! Including Rina! More details in next chapter!

Jessie: "Details", my butt.
Cassy: And why does it have to include Rina? Is she really that special?
Kyo: She's not just special... she's pure. And I feel like I'm going to vomit because I said that.

12 - Metal.. Everyone?

Miyu: Why is that a question when it's obviously true?

(Someone:AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!)

Cassy: But since that someone wasn't Rina or her marionettes, that person probably died a horrible death. Nobody in the fic cared because they were terrible folks.

(Sonic: Go Freedom Fighters!) (Rina: What is that?)

Jessie: If you're referring to your nonexistent reflection, don't worry... it's scaring us, too.

(Knuckles: Oh No..) (Veena: METAL VEENA?) (Sunshine: METAL SUNSHINE?!) (Knuckles: METAL… Nevermind)

Kyo: Thank you, Knuckles. And where the hell did you come from, anyway?

(Sonic: METAL.. Ah Forge..) Metal Sonic is chocking Sonic!

Cassy: Well, he certainly has the right idea! Just skip the introductions and get right to it!

(Rina and Veena: SONIC!) (Chicka: Are we late?)

Miyu: *pushes her glasses up to her forehead as she buries her face in her hands* Are you kidding me?

(Takafumi and Tails: Yup.) (Veena: CHARGE!!!!!!!)

Cassy: *plays her trumpet, suddenly stops* Do you know where I can charge this? Do you?
Miyu: With a platinum card?
Kyo: *throws a paper ball at Miyu* Awful.

(Everyone: YEAH!!!!!!) Soon enough, the Metal versions were destroyed and everyone was alright.

Jessie: *confused* Huh?! That's it?!
Miyu: Yeah... that's it.
Cassy: I can see why the other Kyo smashed his head against that wall now.

But the next day was not very good.

Kyo: And neither was this fic.

You see someone else moved in the school.

All: *groaning* This again?!
Miyu: I thought that school blew up!
Cassy: There is no plot, dude!

Will she steal Sonic or be a friend to all? Until next time!

Miyu: *in a fetal position in a corner of the room* I can't take a "next time"... I just can't!
Kyo, Cassy: *pulls Miyu out of the corner*
Kyo: Yes, you can! We only have three more paragraph chapters to go!
Cassy: That's odd... why aren't you in this corner? Miyu usually has a straight head.
Kyo: Because I already used my "go bananas" card earlier.
Jessie: *still sipping her cocktail* Hmm.

13 - Christy comes in!

Kyo: Mostly because Rina died again. This time, it was permanent.
Cassy: You already said that riff earlier, dude.
Kyo: If this fic's repetitive, I have a right to do the same with some of my riffs.

As you see, Sonic and the gang saw a unfamiliar girl… (???:

Miyu: We already know who's coming in because you wrote the name in the stupid chapter title! We do not have corn chips for brains here!

Hi, I'm Christy and I'm supposed to give you this…)

Jessie: Was it another bomb? No, I'm not trying to be funny here.

(Teacher: Ah yes. Class, this is Christy Mongoose.) Then another student came in. It was a fire hedgehog. (Teacher: Um, class, this is Firebolt, he is Christy's brother.)

Cassy: How the shit is that possible?
Miyu: Cassidy!
Cassy: No, I'm serious! There's a whole mongoose and a whole hedgehog, and they're siblings! Unless they're adopted siblings, I'm not buying that!
Jessie: I'm more concerned about the name. Why is his name Firebolt? Does he use fire and electricity?
Kyo: If that's true, then we all know two people who won't be happy to hear about that.

Christy sat next to Sonic while Firebolt sat next to Rina…. (Veena and Sunshine: Uh-oh… There could be trouble…)

Kyo: Can you little mind slaves go die in a ditch somewhere?

(Teacher: Rina, please escort Firebolt around the school. While you Sonic escort Christy.)

Miyu: And then Sonic and Rina dump each other, and they hook up with the people they're escorting, just like in a bad "90210" episode!
Jessie: You mean to tell me that you found a good episode?! Holy crap, you have so much tolerance!

With Sonic and Christy.. (Sonic: Um, so, how do you like it so far?) (Christy: It's great! I was bullied in my other school, so this is WAY nicer!) (Sonic: A pretty girl like you, getting bullied?) (Christy: Yup.) (Sonic: That's really crazy!) Sonic and Christy started to laugh.

Jessie: *sarcastically* And those bullies probably told her to kill herself, too! Oh, the hilarity!

Now with Rina and Firebolt… (Rina: Well, um, you look pretty cool…) (Firebolt: You don't look to bad your self…) They both blush.

Miyu: And then they made out.

At lunch, Veena and Sunshine decide to sit with Christy today.

Kyo: Uh-oh... they have to suck someone's life to retain their muppet popularities!
Cassy: This is why you shouldn't be a follower.

(Veena: Hi I'm Veena!) (Sunshine: Yeah, and I'm Sunshine!)

Cassy: See? This is also why chainsaws were invented.

(Christy: Those are really great names! I like your shirts!) (Both: Thanks!)

Kyo: By the way, both shirts say "I'm with Stupid".

A few days pasted, then weeks, then months.. And during that time something strange was happening to Sonic..

Jessie: He took steroids and Werehogged out.

It was an average Friday,

Miyu: It can't be if something strange is happening to Sonic. I'm just saying this.

as usual Sunshine was being nice and helping people,

Jessie: Bullshit.
Kyo: *laughs*

Chika was holding on to Knuckles, Takafumi was watching TV, and Christy was well, singing..

Kyo: Only one problem... where the hell are we again?
Miyu: In "Sonic Generations".

(Sonic: I can't help it. Christy is just nice, sweet, kind, funny, and well, we have a lot in common..

Jessie: They do? Really? Where?
Cassy: Well, they are equally bland.
Jessie: That's everyone in this mess. What else do they have in common?
Cassy: Well... there's... I don't know.
Jessie: Correct!

At Rina's house.. (Sonic and Rina: I'm sorry, but I'm dumping you for someone else!) (Rina: It's Firebolt…) (Sonic: It's Christy…)

Miyu: Well, you didn't need to be psychic to see that one coming.

So it went on, but then Veena and Christy had a talk with Sonic. (Christy: Sonic, Veena likes you! So, can you have 2 girlfriends????) (Sonic: Sure!)

Miyu, Cassy: Huh?
Jessie: Wait, what? What girlfriend would be so happy to share him like he's a candy bar?
Kyo: Dunno. And it's going to be impossible to split that one tiny brain cell between the three.
Miyu: And Sally was the bad guy for "using" Sonic, but it's okay for him to have two girlfriends.
Jessie: Double standards, Miyu. Double standards.

Then they all hug.. Awww… Things really changed during the time.. I mean Sonic has 2 girlfriends.. (YAY!),

Kyo: And then they all contracted gonorrhea! Yay!
Cassy: Sick, dude.

Knuckles and Chika are a couple, Shadow and Tails love Sunshine now, and they made a group about solving crimes and stuff.

Jessie: But since their names weren't Sonic or Rina, screw them and their "development".
Cassy: And where the hell did Shadow come from?!
Kyo: My mind... it's full of random and fail.

Next Chap. Body Guards!

Miyu: What if Sonic needs them to protect him?
Kyo: Then that's not Sonic. That's a bootleg version of him. Remember when we had to read about the bootleg version of Kyo Kusanagi?
Miyu: *sighs* He doesn't even want to remember that, either.

14 - BodyGuards!

Cassy: Wrong! I was specifically told that the next chapter would have a space between those two words!

It was a fun Friday night for the Sonic gang

Jessie: ...in bed.
Miyu: *rubs her forehead* Oh, god.

when their phone started to ring. (Sonic: Really!? Cool! We'll be there in a second!) Sonic hangs up the phone to tell them the news.

Kyo: He won a free boat. He needs to claim it at the police station.

(Sonic: Hey guys! We're going to be bodyguards for a princess who is going to be hunted down!) (Takafumi: And that's a good thing?)

Cassy: Only if you all die in the process.

(Chika: Of course! I mean we get mega money, right?)

Miyu: Nice to only be in it for the money.
Jessie: Hey, they're only one step away from being politicians... or Kim Kardashian.
Miyu: That's a tiny bit ironic, isn't it?
Jessie: No, Mario Lopez; I didn't become famous for some guy's dong going up my exit hole, and I didn't create a fraudulent wedding.
Miyu: Fair enough.

(Sonic: Yup.) (Knuckles: I'm there!) (Christy: Uh. Yeah.)

Kyo: Hey, she's hiding something! Grill her "NYPD Blue" style!
Jessie: Just don't drop your pants in the process, sweetie.

They went to a different kingdom,

Miyu: But we never visited a kingdom in this fic before!

this kingdom was the ruler of planet Mobius!

Kyo: Holy crap, these people must be very stupid if a location is ruling!

(King Larry:

Cassy: Nyuk Nyuk Nyuk!

Thank you for coming, you will escort my daughter..) (Sonic: Great! Where is she?) (Queen Jennifer: Why, right in front of you!) (Everyone: CHRISTY!?) (Christy: Uh, surprise?)

Kyo: Oh, bite me with shark teeth.
Miyu: And what happened to Firebolt?
Cassy: He's probably hanging out with Boomer somewhere. Guys aren't as perfect as their bland Sue sisters.

(Eggman: MWHAHAHA!!! I have come to capture you princess!)

Miyu: Wait, I thought he was dead! This is making less and less sense here!

The gang ran and everyone was talking..

Cassy: While running? You kidding me?

(Sonic: C'mon!) (Christy: I'm right here!) (Chika: You're so dreamy, Knuckles!) (Knuckles: I can't run with you on my leg!)

Miyu: Eww, she's humping him like a dog in heat!

(Sunshine and Veena: RUN!!!!) (Takafumi and Tails: We're hungry..)

Kyo: I'm bored...

( A restaurant owner: WAIT! Are you hungry!?) The gang dashes in there!) (Everyone: Delicious!) (Christy: Glad you think so!) (Everyone: Thank you!) Then the chase begins again.

Jessie: "The Room" was funnier than this.
Cassy: *as Johnny* Oh, hi, Jessie!
Jessie: *sighs*

Sadly, they crash into Christy's bakery and she faints… (Reporter: OH NO! Hurry we must take you to the castle immediately!) The gang takes the walk of shame..

Cassy: ...over a cliff.

(Sonic: Sigh…) (Sunshine: Guess we're not very good bodyguards, huh?) (Veena: Nope…) (Takafumi: She's never gonna be alright..)

Miyu: She was never "alright" to begin with. What are you talking about?

(Tails: She shouldn't even have us for bodyguards…)

Kyo: Yeah, that sounds about right.

Then they hear a nearby TV. (Reporter: Princess Christy was here today at the fabulous party at the royal kingdom!)

Miyu: Normally, she'd be held for ransom.

(Knuckles: Hey! She's alright!) (Tails: Of course she is! She had us for bodyguards!)

Jessie: *twitches, chugs the remainder of her cocktail*

Then they all fell to the ground. (Christy: That was great!) Then they all had a great party! PARTY!! (Someone pops out: TOGA!!!!) *Slap* I NEED CHAPTER IDEAS!!!!!!!!

Kyo: I have a fic idea... end it! End! It!
Jessie: Aren't you in luck! *hiccups* We have one chapter left!
Kyo: *mumbles* Should've let me share that cocktail of yours.

15 - Evil Night..

Jessie: As opposed to a good night. Then again, my nights are usually good.
Kyo: Thank you for reminding us, Jessica Aensland.

Cassy: ...it was also stormy.
Miyu: *sighs* Cassidy...

Veena and Christy just stormed out of “Rouge's Fanciest Club”

Miyu: How creative. Then again, nothing was creative here.

running and were angry at someone… (Veena: GRR! He knows that Breezie is always there!) (Christy: Yeah, and it was horrible in there, too!)

Jessie: So... why'd you go in?

(Veena: That hedgehog makes me so mad that I just want t-) Suddenly Veena got captured by Robotnik!

Kyo: Do any of these dimwits do anything that doesn't involve acting like Tweedledee and Tweedledum clones and getting captured all the damn time?
Cassy: Nope. Emi seems to do a better job when she's shackled up... and she doesn't need a twin.

(Christy: GRRRR! Leave her alone!)

Miyu: *throws a piece of meat in front of Christy* Have at it, madam.

(Eggman: Like as if I'd listen to you!) Christy got so mad the she kicked that bucket of bolts! Unfortunately, she got caught too,

Cassy: Even more unfortunate? Darwin was still asleep!

and before Sonic found out where they were, but all he could see was Veena's and Christy's ring.

Kyo: Oh, so they were secretly married!

At Eggman's lab, he was putting them in chambers filled with ice cold water.

Jessie: Can it chill my beer as well? I have a 12-pack that I'd like to share for a barbecue later.

And to make matters worse, it was dark and there were eels in there.

Miyu: Impossible. Mostly impossible.

Poor Veena, she was suffering the most.

Cassy: Call me when I care.

She only had 20 minutes until her oxygen tang was out. Christy only had 30 minutes.

Miyu: I never knew that oxygen could be orange flavored! I'd like some of that!

So the girls had to think quick.

Kyo: *falls out of his seat laughing*
Jessie: Well, he just went mad... I think.

But who would come to their rescue? Sonic, duh!

Cassy: *eats an apple* Because all girls need a man to save them in every dire situation that they come across.
Miyu: *in a high-pitched voice* I can't open this jar of pickles!
Kyo: *in a deep voice* Then let this man help you!
Cassy: *smirks* Thanks for the exaggeration, guys.

(Sonic: Listen, Robuttnik let's make a bet! If I win you let the girl's go. If you win, you can do what ever you want with them. And… You can have… me.)

Jessie: *opens a can of beer* I don't care if this beer is warm. Those last two sentences made me want to drink. A lot.
Miyu: And where the heck did he come from? I thought that Sonic was drooling over someone else.
Kyo: Just say that they have a GPS in their bodies and call it a day.

(Veena and Christy (Thinking): SONIC!! What the heck is he doing! I mean, what a risky bet!)

Cassy: Is there any possibility that any of these ninnies have some sort of independent thinking?
Jessie: No. We've already talked about this.

So they started wiggling their arms saying “NO!!!” but Sonic didn't listen.

Kyo: Probably because you're in water! Idiots!

(Veena and Christy (Thinking): Please be safe, Please be safe, Please be safe…)

Miyu: Eh, I don't really care what happens.

The fight has begun! More bad news for Veena, SHE WAS ALREADY RUNNING OUT OF AIR!!

Jessie: Isn't that good news for us?
Cassy: "Already"? I thought she had fifteen minutes! Her lungs must be huge!

(Christy: VEENA!!!) What will happen next? You decide! Choose “Win Sonic!” Or “Win Eggman!” it's your choice..

Kyo: It is?! Nuke that Sonic to high heaven, then!

But remember, if you pick the evil side, lives will be at the risk.. (Not really…),

Kyo: Boo! Cop-out! I want my blood!

but if you put the good side you will kick Robuttnik's can! (Sorry, but you can't..)

Cassy: But you said that I could! Now you're saying that I can't?!

So choose!

Miyu: I'm not choosing anything.
Jessie: I'm choosing to get wasted after reading this.
Kyo, Cassy: Democracy!

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