Mystery Science Theater En Masse

Neo Esaka, Episode 8: First Time/In the heat of Night

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Note 1: "In the heat of Night" is the sequel to "First Time".

Note 2: These fics are connected to "The Power of Love", which was the fic that the Black Crow riffed. Reading the riffing of this fic is not entirely necessary, but it is a bit recommended... especially since Emi spoils a few pieces and the fic's "plot twist". If you want to stop and look at it, it is here. It's a six part riffing that has twelve chapters.

Warning: These fics contain sex scenes.

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First time

This is a oneshot about Alex and Helena's first time Please note it's rated M for a reason.

Benimaru: M for Mediocre.

It was late evening Helena and Alex were sitting in their bedroom. Helena was looking at Alex longingly 'He is so handsome

Kyo: Oh, brother! Is this Alex guy a self-insert?
Emi: Yes, he is.
Kyo: Tch. How wonderful.

I've never wanted to make love to anyone before but then he came along and I can't resist him anymore.'

Keiko: He's so irresistible that the most sane women just want to tear their panties off right in front of him.
Kyo: Showing off your desperation in crappy fics is one hell of a thing.

Helena was trying to think of a way to ask him to make love. "Um Alex?" He turned to face her. "Yes Helena?" Her cheeks were turning red. "I was thinking if you wanted to um" Alex raised an eyebrow ' What is she thinking about?' "What is it my angel?"

Emi: I want to know how you can inject liquid sugar into your veins right now.

She couldn't hold back anymore. She jumped on him kissing him hard while pushing she pushed him onto the bed.

Benimaru: I'm pretty sure that that's not asking...

Alex was surprised to say the least Helena was lying on top of him then she broke the kiss. "Alex I want to be with you. I can't stand it anymore I want you I want to make you mine forever I I"

Keiko: ...I can't deal with this.

Her voice softens "I need to know your mine I need to be with you." Alex was looking into her eyes she meant every word and the look in her eyes said to him it would break her heart if he said no.

Emi: Are you kidding me? You're not required to have sex with your partner when they ask for it.
Kyo: This fic just got ten times more crummy.

"Helena are you sure about this? You know I would do anything for you but I need to know that this is what you want." Helena thought for a moment. "Yes Alex I want this I need to be with you to feel your skin against mine to share myself with you and seal our love for eternity no one else will ever have either of us our souls our bonded together by our love and when we die we will be together forever in heaven."

Kyo: *gags*
Emi: Um...
Keiko: What is this?
Benimaru: That line had more cheese than the entire state of Wisconsin.

Alex kissed her. "And I would have no other way my love." Helena smiled.

Keiko: I thought that he couldn't have sex.
Kyo: Who cares, a self-insert's bonking his dream girl!
Keiko: The "dream girl" that he lobotomized.

She pulled off Alex's shirt and ran her hands over his chest feeling his rock hard muscles.

Emi: *throws her hands up* Here we go.

Alex moved his hands up to her chest and began to unbutton her blouse button by button until he undid the last one. He pulled her blouse off revealing her beautiful breasts

Keiko: ...and no bra, huh?
Kyo: Yeah, that's called an "obstacle" in Gary Stu Land.

he moved his hands over them squeezing them lightly. "Ohh Alex that feels really good." she moaned lightly.

Benimaru: *gets out his tablet, begins looking at the news* Uh-huh.

Alex was thinking what to try next then he got an idea he moved his right hand down to her pants and undid the zipper. He moved his hand down and began to rub her beautiful flower.

Kyo: *begins laughing, slowly stops* Oh, I need to die.
Emi: So... she wasn't wearing underwear?
Keiko: I'm guessing that they also don't exist in Gary Stu Land.

"Ahhh!" She moaned loudly "Alex I I I'm gonna Ahhh!" She came all over his hand.

Keiko: That fast?
Emi: That hit harder than a Magic Wand. *blinks* Not that I'd know personally, of course.
Benimaru: It is a massage item. It just happens to be better known as a vibrator.

"Alex I'm sorry I couldn't take I mean it just felt so good and I."

Benimaru: *still looking at his tablet, sighs* Yes, how dare you enjoy receiving pleasure.

"It's ok Helena I'm glad I can at least pleasure you." Helena was blushing "Alex no more foreplay I'm ready."

Emi: Is it foreplay if you already came once?
Kyo: Don't look for logic, Emi.

She then removed her pants leaving her completely naked.

Benimaru: You were better off just making her plain naked. How do you put little effort into stripping someone's clothes off?
Kyo, Emi, Keiko: "KOF-XXX".
Benimaru: Ugh. Never mind.

Alex followed suit and take the rest of his clothes off.

Emi: Looks like he should also remove his... *reads* ...war blades? Huh?
Kyo: Someone's gettin' skewered like a kabob tonight.

Helena got back on top of him. Alex was lying on his back looking up at his angel. "Helena I love you." "I love you too Alex."

Keiko: I'm about to love this bottle of whiskey that I stole from Baxter's cabinet.

Helena lowered herself onto his member. "Ahhhhhh" She moaned. Alex could see she was in pain.

Kyo: ...okay. *pours a shot of whiskey*
Benimaru: *steals the shot of whiskey* Pour another one.
Emi: I swear, if she's going to bleed all over the place, I'm handing in my resignation.

"Helena we don't have to keep going." "No Alex I'm fine it's just this is my first time so it's going to hurt but it it also feels sooo good I've been waiting too long to stop now." Helena began to slowly move up and down. "Ohhhhh this feels really good I didn't know anything could feel this good." Helena's face was now a dark red Alex began to move this hips back and forth going a little deeper into Helena. "Ahh Alex don't stop please it feels so good." She was in heaven right now her body was on fire

Keiko: I'm pretty sure that sexual intercourse does not cause a person to spontaneously combust. Or was I missing a Biology lesson?

she was so happy right now here she was making love to the man of her dreams.

Kyo: On what planet? 'Cause it sure as hell ain't Earth!

"Alex I'm yours I belong to you."

Emi: *as Helena* I especially love it when you handcuff me to the radiator.

"Helena I don't know how much longer I can last." "How does it feel inside me?" "It feels really good soft and tight it's amazing."

Benimaru: So it's a handful of Play-Doh or Silly Putty.
Keiko: No. Just... no.

"I'm close Alex" "Me too" Helena was pressing herself against Alex there was no space between them their bodies where mixed up in a web of lust, passion and love.

Emi: And for us? Boredom.

Helena was so close "Alex let's cum together." They came at the same time. "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

Kyo: *bored* Yeah. That's definitely never happened before.
Benimaru: I know that Axl was referring to a bunch of bad Mary Sue characters from "Sailor Moon", but he's right. Every little cliché is starting to overlap here, too. We really have riffed too many bad fics.

Helena felt weak but so good. "Helena are you ok?" Alex asked out of breath. Helena smiled looking down at Alex passion filled her eyes.

Keiko: I don't... what?

"Yes I've never felt better before in my life." The two of them held each other and let sleep take hold their dreams filled with ideas for next time.

Kyo: I have an idea.
Emi: Master Kyo... let's try an answer that isn't "end this fic".
Kyo: Aw, come on!

The following morning

Helena's eyes opened to find that Alex was holding her closely.

Benimaru: Ah, just like a koala with Chlamydia hugging its favorite eucalyptus tree.
Keiko: Or an ugly circus peanut with limbs hugging a flag.

"Morning Helena sleep well ?" Helena kissed him on the lips. "The best night sleep I've ever had."

Emi: Let's ignore the parts where she was screaming in her sleep.

"Hey Helena can I ask you something?" "Of course you can Alex." Alex was blushing. "Well I love you and I think I need to ask you this." Helena watched as Alex reached into the table next to the bed. It was a small white box. "Helena will you marry me?"

All: Excuse me?!
Kyo: Character development? Bah! That dumb crap's for dummies!

Helena was in shock but it passed quickly. "Yes yes yes a billion times yes."

Benimaru: They had sex one time, and now they have to be married? What?
Emi: Can it really be a shotgun wedding if their parents are dead?
Keiko: You forgot that she needed to be pregnant for that.
Kyo: *shudders*

Alex put the ring on her finger. The two of them would be together forever.

Keiko: And then divorced forever.

Please not this takes place after The Power Of love

Emi: Oh, you mean the fic that... was all a dream?
Kyo: Does this mean that this fic's all a dream, too?
Benimaru: I think the Stuthor must've written this fic before he finished that fic. Maybe that's why everything's a bit jumbled.
Keiko: No kidding. Now we have some screwed up continuity. He was better off labeling this as a "what-if" oneshot.

But I just had to write this so keep reading the first book and after I have finished it I will start the next book which will take place after this .

Keiko: After what?
Kyo: That next book is going to be the Black Crow's problem, Tsukino. Don't worry about it.

In the heat of Night

Helena's P.O.V

Ahh my body is so hot! I don't get it I'm naked and Alex isn't even touching me.

Emi: So... let me get this straight. Her character has now been reduced from a pragmatic heroine to one of two personalities. She's either a damsel in distress... or a cat or dog in heat who needs to bonk her one and only "twu luv". This is insulting.
Kyo: Gotta pick from the giant list of bad writing clichés, you know.
Benimaru: It's insulting no matter who writes it. It's nonsense that needs to be shot down.
Keiko: Shot down and blown up.

My hands are shaking as I run them up and down my body. I let out a soft moan almost hoping to wake Alex up so he can help me with this.

Benimaru: Masturbation doesn't exist, apparently.

I feel Alex turn around. "Well I was wondering how long you would last." I feel his hand rub my clit. "Ahh Alex! Oh that feels so good ah!"

Kyo: I'd get more pleasure eating a cardboard box.
Keiko: Well, you do need your fiber.

My hair is all over the place without my bow. I feel his left hand pinch's my nipple.

Emi: Yes, her one nipple.

"Alex that hurts." He stops and then starts rubbing it.

Keiko: Was he trying to tear it off?
Kyo, Benimaru, Emi: Ow...
Benimaru: Just thinking about that hurt me. Ow...

"Sorry. Also you look really good with your hair down." He keeps touching me. "Ohhh Alex please don't stop. It feels so good ah!" I can feel his abs on my lower back it feels like i'm in heaven. "You know Helena it would seem to me that while you're in this state I could do whatever I want to you."

Kyo: Oh, that doesn't sound creepy at all!

I can feel my face burning he's right when i'm hot like this I'd let him do anything to me.

Emi: *waves a marionette around* This isn't a good look for you.
Kyo: Agh, not those stupid things again...

"Here love let me cool you down." I can feel his hands getting colder Ahh my god this shouldn't be possible but his touch is now freezing cold but it's still not helping.

Benimaru: Did he replace his blood with freon?

"Alex i'm still hot put it in me please." I feel his hands warming up again. He slowly turns me around so that we are facing each other. "Are you sure you want too?" He asks me that every time.

Emi: Well, at least he asked. Too bad he didn't ask before he ripped a foot soldier apart.

I know why he asks but my answer is always "Yes Alex I need you inside me please just put it in!" He pulls me in closer our bodies becoming one as he enters me. "Ahh yes Alex j..just like that. OOOhhh!" he then slowly pulls out and back in. "Hmm Alex I love this feeling." My arms wrap around him pulling myself even closer. "I love it too Helena but there's one more thing I like about this even more." I can't help but wonder what he means. I mean what could be better than this the two of us making love, the feeling that we are the only two people in the world, A place and a time just for the two of us. I ask you what could be better than that?

Keiko: Aside from it being the most boring vanilla sex ever?
Emi: As a certain Swedish man would usually say... *clears throat* ...it's some serious dick to puss action.

"What I mean Helena is that we are doing this out of love and no one can come between us."

Kyo: Remember, folks! If you're just looking for casual sex, you're wrong, dumb, and a loser! You're never gonna be better than Blandy Blanderson and his warped sex puppet over there!
Keiko: More like Edgy Edgerton.
Kyo: I thought that Benji was Edgy Edgerton.
Keiko: You're right, Kusanagi. My mistake.

Ok I do love that we are doing this out of love but there is something I have to say. But talking is really hard when every move we make causes even more pleasure.

Emi: Well, you are communicating in the only language that you do know... horny.

"Ah A...Alex I w..want you to know that you mean the world to me I can't see my life w...without you in it mmmh."

Benimaru: Who says this stuff in the middle of sex?!
Emi: She does.
Benimaru: Anyone else? Anyone who is not brainwashed?
Emi: Not that I know of.

He pecks me on the lips. "Well I guess it's a good thing we're getting married isn't it ?"

All: No.
Kyo: You two have the chemistry that's like a peanut butter and Vaseline sandwich.

I moan a few more times before I can respond he just feels sooo good inside me. "Y...yes it is good Oh! I can't for our wedding night."

Keiko: So much for saving yourself for marriage.

He's smirking then he whispers in my ear. "Me either in fact I'm planning a surprise just for that night." "What do you mean by surprise?" He is still smirking. "I can't tell you it's a surprise but I know you'll love trust me."

Kyo: More vanilla sex? *sarcastically* Oh, I can't wait to read that.

I feel his arms lightly rubbing my sides. "O..oh ok Alex but could you at least give me a little hint please?" "Ok here's a little taste of your surprise." He then goes in even deeper inside me but it feels better than it normally does and I didn't know that was even possible. "Ahhh! I'm close i'm gonna cum. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

Emi: That's not a hint. He just went deeper.
Kyo: Any further and he'll hit her cervix or something.
Emi, Keiko: *curls up on the couch*
Keiko: Stop this monstrosity...

I came so easily how am I going to last through our wedding night if I cum that fast?

Kyo: Easy, just talk a lot. Maybe one of you will go to sleep.
Benimaru: What are you talking about? You almost went to sleep here.
Kyo: Hey, this isn't about me, Beni.

"Alex don't hold back keep going I want to feel you cum inside me!" He quickly releases his seed inside me and it feels good. "It's too bad that we can't have kids of our own Alex."

Keiko: I wouldn't trust you two with a houseplant.

He pulls out of me. "yeah I guess it is really sad." Oh me and my big mouth. "Alex i'm sorry I didn't mean to." he puts a finger on my lips. "It's ok Helena. So have you cooled down yet?" I still feel hot but I should be able to sleep but I really want Alex to feel better an idea just pops into my head.

Benimaru: Let me guess. More sex?
Emi: Almost. It's healing sex.
Benimaru: ...that's just as bad.

"No I think I need a cold shower and I need some help with my hair and back." I give him a little wink. "Ok then shall we?" We both get out of bed and head for the bathroom. We step into the shower Alex closes the shower door behind him. I turn the cold water tap on and the cool water pours all over me then I feel Alex behind me. He picks up my favorite shampoo and rubs it into my hair I close my eyes so I don't get soap in them. Alex keeps running his hands through my hair but then I feel his hands wrap around my sides and move up. I'm trembling at the touch with my eyes closed I feel like he's having his way with me just as I hoped he would.

Kyo: *bored* Hot.

"Keep your eyes closed Helena I want to try something." I nod then I feel him move closer until there is no space between. "I want you to bend over a little." I do as he asks my hands are on a rod I use in case I slip. Alex rubs his member over my clit it feels really good but I can't stand it when he teases me like this. I feel my knees are about give way so I lower myself to the floor. I'm on my knees my eyes are still closed. I want to pleasure Alex and I want to try something I've never done this before but I want to make him cum for a change.

Emi: He... already came earlier.
Keiko: Horny and dumb? What a terrible combination.

So I turn myself around so Alex is in front of me. I move closer and open my mouth.

Benimaru: And now it's filled with shampoo.

"Helena what are you d...doing?" I then open my eyes and lick his hard member "Helena you don't need to do this." I can tell he likes it but he doesn't want me to think I have to do this but I want to please him I want him to feel what I feel every time he touches me.

Emi: *as Helena* Because I have no will of my own.

"You are right Alex I don't have to do this but I want to just let me pleasure you please." He sighs "Ok Helena go for it." I then put his member into my mouth it tastes good I have read a few romance books so I should try moving my head back and forth.

Keiko: Why don't you bite it?
Kyo, Benimaru: *screams*
Kyo: Damn it, hearing that made everything hurt!

I feel his hands on the back of my head keeping me in place so he does like what i'm doing good. I keep moving back and forth taking in as much of him as I can. I start to use my tongue to help I feel him throbbing he's going to cum soon. "Helena I can't take this anymore i'm going to." He cums right in my mouth it tastes good I sallow it all.

Emi: Here come the "minuteman" jokes.

Then I feel Alex get on top of me pushing my back to the wet floor of the shower. He kisses my neck. "My turn." He then starts to head down and starts licking my clit. "Ah! Alex I." "Shh don't say anything. Just enjoy this. Ok?" "Ok." He keeps licking me oh this feels great I knew he could do great things with his tongue but this is. Oh ah i'm so close. "Alex i'm cumming again ah!" I cum all over him.

Benimaru: And her eyes are probably burning with that shampoo flying everywhere.
Emi: I guess we didn't need any "minuteman" jokes. They both climax in less than thirty seconds.

We stand up and wash each other off. "That was great Alex we need to do this more often."

Kyo: No, don't. Please don't. You two are just as bland as Serenity and Darien from Japanmerica.

He smiles. "Well it is a good workout." We then dry off and head back to are room.

Emi: And they didn't turn off the water. Now the bathroom's flooded.

"Good night Helena." Alex says as he wraps his arms around me." "Good night Alex." we both say I love and kiss each other before we fall asleep.

Benimaru: And then they had nightmares.
Kyo: Please. We're living ours right now.

Well this took me a long time to write

Kyo: *laughs loudly*
Benimaru: Well, then.

so I hope you enjoyed it I hope to have my next story up as soon as I can but I still need to inform you my dear readers that I am going to try to improve my writing

Keiko: Please do. Seriously.
Kyo: A magic wand isn't gonna work.

so chapters will take longer to write but they will be longer as a result

Emi: Dur-hay.

I look forward to writing more about these two until next time this is Alex118 signing off goodbye.

Benimaru: You're looking forward to writing more about yourself and the woman that you brainwashed. I, um...
Keiko: You know what? I never thought that I'd say this, but I'm actually glad that he's going to be the Black Crow's problem again.
Emi: You're telling me. *blinks* Can I retire now?
Kyo: No. I didn't train a damn quitter.
Emi: *groans*

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