Mystery Science Theater En Masse

Riffer Recruits, Episode 1: Catwoman: Rebirth (Part Eleven)

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Chapter 16:

A Clown Turns a Frown Upside-down

Isis combed her apartment for unsorted object laid out all over the floor. Isis never liked a dirty room, but she had just been so lazy lately, today she thought it would be a good idea to clean up.

Tails: Yeah, now she wants to clean up.

Not only her apartment—filled with all sorts of new cats, that Felix seemed to be the king of—but she wanted to clean up her unsorted thoughts as well.

Akiko: Let's see... horny, horny, wobbling like a noodle, horny... there's a lot of unsorted thoughts there.

"That Batman! He only gets in the way…" she spoke aloud as she spread cat food in bowls all about, "Although, I think I'm started a little infatuated with him…"

Miyuki: *slams her face on the table* I don't want to get into this again.
Tomoko: Yeah, especially since you're going to cave your head in if you keep doing that.

She gave herself a mental smack in the face, "But no…no, no. It's Terry that I want. He's way more incredible then some 'Bat'man."

Tails, Akiko: *laughs*
Tails: Oh, how you just do not know yet!

Felix rubbed up against Isis' leg, "Oh Felix, of course I love you more than either of those guys,"

Tomoko: Yeah, you keep saying that.

Isis picked up the news paper the Maven had left in front of the threshold. She took it to the nice old leather chair and had a nice break to read the paper.

"Hmm…Felix, I say we're do for another heist," she mentioned as she scanned the article on the new jewelry exhibits, "Maybe you should stay home this time Felix. Make sure these other cats stay out of trouble," she winked at Felix.

Felix didn't seem too happy about this, but he respected Isis' wishes.

Akiko: What are you talking about? That cat always stays behind!
Miyuki: Ever since she became Catwoman, she's suffered some memory loss.
Tomoko: "Some" is putting it lightly.

"Mistah Daggett," said J-man, "I just had the perfect plan…" as he lay a news paper in front of the orange haired man.

Daggett scanned the article, "Ah, yes. Perhaps you Jokerz are a little smarter than they look," he mumbled.

"Excuse me sir."

"Yes, this is ought to be where she is tonight."

J-man shifted his weight and crossed his arms, "Show you want us to just wait out side for her or something."

"Sure," he turned his chair around and waved him off, "Just don't take the whole crew. Take about five or six."

J-man walked out of the room to pick tonight's clowns.

Tomoko: Are you serious? A bunch of jobbers are gonna be smarter than she is?
Tails: Well, when you consider this fic... yes and no.

Catwoman tip-toed into the jewelry museum, "Oo, how shiny."

The security wasn't to stature; especially for artifacts in a Gotham City exhibit. So the steal was quite quick and painless and Catwoman was soon on her way.

Akiko: This would've translated to "I didn't feel like putting in the details, so let's have her steal something because she had to." But... you know.
Miyuki: She really didn't think about this, did she? No security in a museum in Gotham?
Tomoko: She doesn't think, Fujiwara. You should've known this by now.

She exited on her special 'roof door'.

Tails: Which was neither special or unique.

As soon as she was on the roof she noticed a colorful looking group waiting for her on ground level. Catwoman peered over the side of the building, "Jokerz. What do they want?" she spied.

Miyuki: In layman's terms... you.

She listen to the clown argue a little about where she would be when she came out of the building. The one in the red was right. She would be on the roof. But Catwoman soon became distracted by the unattended bikes in the corner, "Hmm, must be my lucky day…"

Tails: And that's where the "yes and no" part comes up. Yes... because she doesn't think. No... because they conveniently have to be dumber than she is.

"I'm telling you J-man," the clown argued, "She's gonna come out on the roof."

J-man punched the red clown in the arm a little, "Scab, who's the boss here?" J-man waited for a response, "Yes, me. So shut up and just be patient!"

Tomoko: You're a crap boss, actually.

Scab muttered a few profanities that J-man didn't hear. Not such as a minute later the clowns were interrupted by the rev of their own motorcycles.

"What the…" they all yelled as they ran for there bikes.

From the alley came a crazed Catwoman on a motorbike, "HAHAHA!"

Tails, Miyuki: Cassy?
Cassy: *as she walks by* I use Extreme Gear skates, not bikes. Thanks for asking.

Catwoman laughed insanely as she rode away from the astonished Jokerz, "Wow, that was easy!" she stopped to yell back at the Jokerz, "Stupid clowns!"

Akiko: Yeah, everything has to fall into place for her. Effort? What's that?

The Jokerz came riding after her on their bikes at full speed. The Joker in pink was coming the fastest, with a spike rubber chicken ready to strike.

Catwoman tried to speed up the bike, but in vain. The pink Joker was close enough, and smacked her off the stolen bike. The Cat cried out in pain from the sharp blow.

Tomoko: *woodenly* That tugged at my heartstrings.

The Jokerz encircled her in her time of disadvantage. The first one to get off of his bike looked to be the leader, "Good job Dot."

"Thank you baby," she cheerfully replied.

The Joker came closer to her and Catwoman was beginning to feel a little threatened, "Didn't you mother ever tell you not to play with her make-up?" she snapped.

The clown smirked. He looked down at the whip on her hip and back to her, "Didn't your mother ever tell you not to play with her sexy toys."

The circling clowns all cackled and Catwoman calmly smile, "Well, actually they're my grandmother." The clowns' smiles soon became disgusted frowns as The Cat just grinned.

Miyuki: I wouldn't blame them. She wasn't funny, either.
Tails: I'd hate to see her perform at a comedy club.
Tomoko: I'd probably do it if someone paid me to be there.

The main Joker kept his smile as well, "Ah, yes."

"Ah, yes?" Catwoman became confused.

Akiko: Your "jokes" confused me, so...

"Yes," he looked around to all his crew, "we know all about you."

"How?"

Miyuki: *hits her head on the table* You dumbass!
Akiko: *as Catwoman* Sure, I stole things from all of the museums around the city, but I'm sure that you've never heard about me... even though I'm constantly making the paper!

He avoided the question, "My name is J-man," he reached down to shake her hand and Catwoman came up to greet him with a friendly kick to the face.

Tails: Nothing says "friendship" like a few missing teeth!

J-man fell back, but with dignity. He shook his head, "Looks like we have a feisty one here," he smiled at her evilly, "…get her."

Tomoko: Well. Looks like you all are gonna lose.
Akiko: Does that mean that she'll wobble like a noodle when she'll do her "sexy" walk again?
Tomoko: God, I hope not.

From behind her, Scab grabbed her arms. She wrestled with him for a while until another clown came up and knocked her out. They bound her arms with rope and put her on a bike with Scab. The bikes rode of in two line of three—J-man in the front, and Scab and the clown that had knocked her out were at the back.

Miyuki: Well, that was fast.
Tails: And I popped all of this popcorn for nothing.
Akiko: *as she grabs a handful of popcorn* No, you didn't. It'll work with the ice cream. Well, not with the ice cream, but you know what I mean.

Catwoman began to stir from her unconsciousness. When she realized where she was, she closed her eyes again, as to not blow her cover. When she began to feel more equip to handle the situation, she made her move.

Tails: Well, I can give her credit for that part. I won't give her credit that she's doing all of this... on a motorcycle. I don't care if she has cat like reflexes. It's still stupid.
Miyuki: To be fair, this is Gotham. You can do just about anything there.

She stood up on the seat of the bike and kicked Scab in the back of the head. Then quickly barrel-roll flipped to the bike next to it before the bike fell and all with her hands ties behind her back.

Akiko: Well, she did it better than Officer Barrel Roll.

The driver of the next bike freaked as she gracefully leapt from bike to bike, until she reach the front of the line.

Tomoko: She always has to do this crap "gracefully", huh?

She slid elegantly behind Dot who was at the front by J-man.

Miyuki: Let's see... this fic keeps telling us that she's "elegant", "sassy", "sexy", and "graceful". Meanwhile, I'm "annoyed", "tired", "bored", and "not giving a crap".
Tomoko: I'm definitely "not giving a crap", Fujiwara.

Quickly, before Dot could defend herself, Catwoman cut her ropes by pressing them against the raging tires and tossed Dot off the bike, "Revenge is sweet," she yeah at the rag doll on the ground.

Catwoman rammed the bike into the J-man's; J-man came back at her. She punched him in the face and his bike swerved away a bit. But what they were soon to notice was the lack of engine noise. J-man turned to see that the rest of his crew had departed and they were now being chased by Batman.

Tails: Well. Just what we needed, a third wheel. No pun intended, I hope.
Akiko: That was definitely intended, Tails.

"I'm not losing track of you now," shouted J-man as he grabbed Catwoman's handle bar. He turned them both in the same direction and Catwoman reluctantly followed the J-man's lead.

Tomoko: So why couldn't she just "elegantly" bike away?
Akiko: Too much effort.

"So what your plan?" she asked while diligently working with the clown.

Miyuki: Okay, would you stop with the fancy adverbs or whatever they are?
Tails: Yes, they're adverbs. And yes, they're annoying.

"Oh so now you decide to work with me."

Catwoman glared at him.

J-man looked back behind them, "Ok, first we lose The Bat," he sped up a little and then turn, "Follow me!"

Catwoman turned as well and sped up, but Batman's ride was quite fast and he was gaining on them.

J-man drove straight into oncoming traffic, swerving through the uneasy cars, "What the hell! You maniac!" Catwoman yelled as she tried her best to keep up.

Tomoko: Oh, you hypocrite.

The clown replied with a maniacal laugh.

Miyuki: Oh. He suddenly turned into Yamazaki. Good stuff.

After running for quite awhile, it seemed that Batman had to give up. The amount of wrecks they could have caused was too many.

Akiko: Why have Batman in there if he wasn't going to do anything?
Tails: Beats me.

Now Catwoman found J-man driving them into a more secluded area. The buildings around these parts were mostly abandon warehouses. The building they had come to was an old chemical lab.

Miyuki: If you find Emi in one of those warehouses, let Kyo know about it. He's still looking for her.

The two drove there motorcycles into the lab where the crew was waiting for them. As soon as they dismounted their bikes Dot and Scab were ready to strike. Quickly the J-man stopped them as not to frighten dear Ms. Kitty.

Tomoko: This fic's trying too hard to make us like her, huh? It's not working too well.

"You don't know who to trust in Gotham," Catwoman spoke with a nervous laugh.

Tails: Well, I don't trust you, so that statement makes a lot of sense!

J-man interrupted the awkward crowd, "Well, you can trust us. You and us, we're all the same; enemies of that that irritating Bat. You could almost call us…family!" J-man put his arm around Catwoman.

She picked his arm up off of her and sassily walked away a little, but not in a manor of disgust, "Yeah, I wouldn't call us family."

Akiko: Well, there's that noodle walk again!
Miyuki: There's a manor of disgust?
Tomoko: Yeah, and that manor's full of crap fics.

"Call it whatever you may, we are still alike," he bowed

Catwoman walked over to a table with a few clown weapons and pick one up to play with it a little. As she scanned the item she spoke, "Well anything could be alike. But that still does make them 'the same' or 'family'," a jack-in-the-box popped up and frightened her.

Miyuki: And it didn't scare her to death? Darn.

J-man becoming uneasy by the fact that she was near the weapons took the current item she was holding and out it back on the table. And without her really noticing, he eased his arm back over her shoulder and walked her away from the table, "Well all in all, we should be a little more trusting of our 'kind'; the, against the Bat kind," he sat her at a table where a few other Jokerz were sitting, "We have a proposition…"

Akiko: And you're going to trust her. Really. Really?
Tails: Really.

Catwoman's ears perked up, "Tell me more."

He shifted in his seat, "Have ever consider, a partnership?"

Tomoko: No, and I don't even know why you're thinking that this is anywhere near a good idea.

She thought on this and shook her head, "Well actually…--"

All: No.

"Then don't say another word. You're in the right place tonight, because our…" he seemed hesitant on the word, "boss," he gulped, "would love to have a clever little kitty like you on our, oh so wonderful team."

"And just exactly who is your boss?"

"Wait right here. I'll go get him," J-man winked at her just before bouncing away in a clown like manor.

Akiko: I don't think I would want to enter a clown like manor. I'd get lost in a twisty balloon maze.

The Cat was slightly frightened by the hungry looking clown boys that were staring at her when she looked away from J-man. Her nose wrinkled up into a slightly disgusted smile as she tried to avoid their lustful gazes.

Tomoko: Are you kidding me? Are we doing this crap again? We are not doing this crap again.
Miyuki: Yeah, we're doing this crap again. Of course we're doing this crap again. Because she's hot, and she made them get all horny with her hotness, as you know.
Akiko: Why? Just... why? Why do Sues keep doing this stuff?
Tails: Because they hate us. Well, I also hate them, so I guess the feeling's mutual.

Sorry that the story has been bouncing back and forth throughout the past 2 chapter, but I'm afraid it might become even more bouncy. But I shall try not to confuse you too much.

Tails: Wait, so a plot is suddenly confusing? I don't know, it seemed to be okay. Well, that was before we had the clowns lust over her.

Well, keep reviewing. Reviews are like my 'writing fuel'. More reviews, more chapters. ;-) hehe.

Miyuki: So... if we don't send her reviews, there won't be any more chapters?
Akiko: Yep.
Miyuki: And that's a problem... how?
Akiko: I don't know. It's supposed to be one, Mi-chan.

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