Mystery Science Theater En Masse

Riffer Recruits, Episode 1: Catwoman: Rebirth (Part Twelve)

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Chapter 17:

Love or Infatuation?

Tomoko: Neither. It's just lust.
Miyuki: I'm not saying that that's a bad thing. It's just that lust is always mixed up with love in fics like these.

Terry rode his motorcycle into the Batcave. As he removed his cowl, he seemed a bit frustrated.

Akiko: I would be too... because this fic's not ending. *looks* Oh, wait. We're almost done with this fic!
Tails: *as his ears perk up* We are?! Yes!

"Rough night?" the former Batman asked in a mono tone as he walked towards Terry.

Miyuki: I thought that he always spoke in a monotone voice. Yes, that's one word, author. Just saying.

Terry set his mask on the table, "Well…it's not that. I just—."

He decided to stop this 'beating around the bush',

Akiko: Uh... is that supposed to mean something... sexual?
Miyuki: *chuckles* No, Akiko.

"Argh! It's this 'Catwoman'! I can't get her out of my head," he squinted his eyes as if trying to remember the image, "I get such a thrill out of chasing her, and I don't understand why!"

Tomoko: Damn it, Terry Jr. Just had to think for him.

Terry stopped himself, "Haha, sorry Mr. Wayne. I feel a little awkward telling you this."

"No, no. I understand. All boys your age have these…" now Bruce was feeling uneasy and choked on the word, "urges," but he soon became his professional self again, "But you mustn't let these 'urges' get in the way of your crime fighting. It's unhealthy," he paused and looked away mumbling the words, "…I would know."

Tails: The former Batman never really let his "urges" get in the way. Also... well, you know what to get, then.
Miyuki: Lotion, tissues... old copies of Playboy...?
Tails: Old copies?
Miyuki: Yeah, they're removing the nude pictures, and... why am I saying this to a fox kid?
Tomoko: Oh, please, Fujiwara. Some kids his age already know what breasts look like. This news isn't gonna kill him.

The old man walked to his chair and had a seat as Terry tried to examine the matter, "It not that she's affecting my crime fighting…"

"Well obviously it's doing something unhealthy," he turned his seat around to face the computer.

Akiko: *as she's cooking a sausage* What?
Tomoko: Never expected you to go for that gag.

Terry shuffled to a vacant spot beside Mr. Wayne, "You see, it's not that she's affecting my Batman life. But I'm afraid she might interfere with my normal life."

Tails: Yeah, about that... um... you see, she's already interfered. Quite a lot, actually.

Bruce typed at his keyboard. He appeared as if he was paying no attention, but his attention was full, "Go on."

Miyuki: He then tapped out because nobody wanted to hear about Terry Jr. having it out for the one who can sing karaoke and mutilate his ex-girlfriend's face.

Terry continued knowing that Mr. Wayne was interested, "There this girl at school. And she's so perfect.

Tomoko: Is this Opposite Day?
Akiko: *laughs*

She understands when I have to go do things," he looked around the room, "important. I'm just afraid that I'm going to slip up and call her Catwoman or something," Terry laughed at the thought of what Isis' face would look like if he called her 'Catwoman'.

Tails: *weakly laughs* Oh, how you just don't know.
Miyuki: Yep, about how much she loves her Uncle Boyfriend.
Tails: *sputters* It's not confirmed, Miyuki!
Miyuki: I know, but imagine how stupid it would be. She did all of this mind warping Sue crap just to boink her uncle.
Akiko: It still makes me uneasy.

Mr. Wayne looked up from the computer to Terry, "Terry there is a large line between love and infatuation. Our brains are just too clouded to see such a difference.

Tomoko: *as Bruce* And you, on the other hand... well, you just need to stop thinking with the wrong head.

If you really love this girl so much, your mind will uncloud and show you the difference. If it just infatuation, you will most likely end up calling her 'Catwoman'. So I suggest you find out how you really feel about her. Or you'll have a lot of explaining to do."

Akiko: Well, you can start by explaining that title drop and that family tree to her.

Terry was intrigued but this response. It was as if this cold old man had wiped some of the dust off the rarely used heart of his.

Miyuki: Oh, it's used. You just haven't noticed it.

Bruce smirked a little realizing that Terry was finally over Dana, "So who is the lucky girl?"

Tomoko: "Lucky girl"? Damn fic just misspelled "succubus".

Terry smiled slowly when he realized they were bonding, "Her name is Isis and—"

Mr. Wayne's smile quickly faded, "What is her last name?"

All: McPerson.

"…Smith," Terry became worried when he saw Mr. Wayne grab onto the table in front of him, "Sir, are you ok?" he reach down to Bruce.

Mr. Wayne was breathing deeply, "Could you…go…go…fetch me my medicine."

Tails: I hope my medicine happens to be knockout pills, because he just had a very convenient movie heart attack there.

"Of course sir!" Terry ran off as quickly as possible.

As Terry searched through the medicine cabinet he could only think, was it her name that set him off, that not possible, how could he know her?.

Tomoko: Looks like Prower's theory may be true after all. If he's acting like that, there's no way that he can't be this girl's grandpa.
Akiko: And remember, this is Batman! You know, Batman... with the deduction skills?
Miyuki: He couldn't deduct what two and two means. He sure as heck wasn't going to get this, Akiko.

Terry found the medicine and made his way back to Mr. Wayne.

"Here you go Mr. Wayne," Terry gave him the pills and helped him out of his chair.

"Thank you McGinnis. Just take me to my bed and then you are dismissed."

"But sir, shouldn't I call a doctor?"

Mr. Wayne voice became harsh at the suggestion of a doctor, "No, no, no! It's just one of my little spells. I'll be fine in the morning."

Tails: So he gets the vapors every once in a while. Really? This dramatic swooning... really?

Terry backed up his struggle for a doctor knowing that Mr. Wayne just wouldn't have it and the argument would just wear both of them out. So when Terry got him to his bed he tried to leave as if nothing had happened.

The next morning all Terry could think about was the night before. Mr. Wayne's advice had been quite helpful. Today was a Sunday and seemed like a lovely date for a hot date.

Terry lazily rolled out of bed into the floor and then caught a whiff of himself, "Ugh, I'm disgusting."

Akiko: No, you're only disgusting if you don't shower.

He looked up at his clock. It was 9:30, "Now how did I manage that?"

Miyuki: Magic.

Still too lethargic, he hadn't gotten up yet. But he figured that he couldn't just lie there all day and he wasn't going to fall back asleep anytime soon, so he pulled him self to his feet. A large stretch got him prepared for a walk to the kitchen.

Tomoko: There better be a detour to the bathroom after this.

When he got to the kitchen, his brother Matt was there watching TV and eating cereal. On the counter was a newspaper just waiting for him. On front page was the image of a motorcycle chase. Terry scratched his mess of hair, looks like I've made the front page again.

But then as he scanned the article he saw words such as 'Batman is more trouble than he's worth', 'thousands of dollar in damages', and so on. Terry threw the paper at the table, "Ah, who reads this junk anyways."

Tails: Trump supporters... or fans of Judith Miller.
Akiko, Miyuki, Tomoko: Who?
Tails: Exactly.

Matt looked back to his brother, "I wonder why people still hate Batman."

Akiko: Forget that, I'm wondering how he somehow turned into Spider-Man.

"Who knows? The people of Gotham are crazy…" he rolled his eyes as he walked away from the kitchen carrying a breakfast bar with him.

All morning Terry struggled to sort out his confused thoughts. But of his problems that he knew he could solve today was the distinction between love and infatuation.

Tails: Neither. It's... well, we all know what it is.

Terribly sorry for these slow moiving chapters...such as this one. But they must be added for story development.

Miyuki: Meh. Could be worse. Just ask Cassy.
Cassy: *as she peeks inside* Huh?
Miyuki: You riffed chapters that had a lot of nothing in them, right?
Cassy: Ugh. That slow "Sabrina's Adventure" sequel... let me forget that it exists for a while, dude. *leaves*

I really wasn't expecting this story to last so long. but I believe it's only about 3/4 of the way done. But please don't fret, all this building up is sure to come to an incredibly high climax ;-)

Tomoko: Wait, we're riffing a fic that's 75 percent done? And it's dead?
Akiko: Well, look at that one King of Fighters trilogy, Tomo-chan; it was supposed to have thirty chapters before it died.
Tomoko: Huh. So James, Daniels, and Hancock would've had their action, huh? Oh, well.

Chapter 18:

Taming the Lion

WARNING: This chaptercontains mild sexual content.

Tails: I'm scared to find out what said scene may be.

"Mr. Daggett, she's like putty in our hands."

The 30-year-old man stroked his chin, "Yes, this shall be quite amusing."

Tomoko: No, it won't. Can we just skip to the next scene?

The clown laughed, "Funnier than a barrel full of monkey!"

Daggett shot a glare at J-man, "Now let's not get to excited," he turned his back, "She stronger than we thought, yes?"

"Yes, but obviously not strong enough to get away from the Jokerz," J-man smiled as if Catwoman's cooperation was all his doing, "It almost makes me feel bad taking advantage of her, being a newb and all," with sarcasm.

Miyuki: Please tell me that "taking advantage of her" means using her for her skills and not her body. Please tell me that.
Akiko: *slowly eating ice cream* Please numb my worries, ice cream.

Daggett turned back around, "Don't underestimate her just yet. She may not be up to score just yet, but she's clever. She is a Kyles. So don't let your guard down!"

J-man shot back in a surprised manor, "The lady waits," he bowed.

"…damn clowns…"Daggett mumbled.

Catwoman noticed that the boys were now clearing the table and reddish haired man came to be seated in front of her.

Tails: I wonder if he was wearing a green Armani suit.

"Why hello there Ms…," Daggett hesitated for her approval, "Kitty."

Akiko: It better be because she's Catwoman.

Catwoman lowered a brow. She didn't trust the man. He was shifty and her feline instinct sensed danger.

Tomoko: You don't need to be a cat to sense danger. He's already shifty.

The man took a deep breath, "I'm sorry that the Jokerz startled you. I understand your fret. You can't trust anyone in Gotham these days."

Miyuki: We don't trust you, either.

"So why should I trust you?" she retorted.

Miyuki: We finally agree on something.
Tomoko: No kiddin'.

The man smiled, "Let's not call this a situation of trust; rather than, a moment of spontaneity," he tipped his head, "I am Mr. Roland Daggett II."

Tails, Akiko: *adjusts a monocle*
Akiko: We need a top hat and curly moustache. What do you think, Tails?
Tails: Sure!

Catwoman began to feel a little less unsettled. She crossed her arms and decided she would at least hear him out, "So, what's your proposition."

"Ah, to the point; I like that," he let her know, "I wanted to see if you would happen to be interested in a partnership," he saw the skepticism in her face, "You have stolen quite a few valuable artifacts?"

"Yes."

"Have you ever thought about selling them? I mean, your not doing any good with them sitting on your shelf, collecting dust, now are you?" her face changed from skepticism to a more open-minded look.

Miyuki: The original Catwoman worked alone for a reason...

"Well…"

He tried to stop her from thinking further into is, "And you haven't been in this business for long. How about old Mr. Daggett helps you out?"

All: No.
Akiko: That's why the Dark Rose works alone!

She took a deep breath, "What's the catch?"

He was excited to see that see had taken it into recognition, "Well only that the Jokerz and I get 50 of the plunder."

Catwoman was almost disgustingly shocked, "Fifty percent!"

"Forty?"

"Thirty!"

"Thirty-five?"

Tomoko: How about a generous zero percent?

The Cat glared…

Daggett swallowed, "Fine, thirty will do just fine."

She caught glance of a shocked J-man behind him.

"Meet us here tomorrow night," Daggett got up and walked Catwoman to the garage area, full of bikes, "and, for the trip home, take one of these bikes," he pointed to the line of bikes.

Catwoman walked up to a lovely green and black bike, "I'll take this one," she hopped on.

"But that's my bike…"

"Shut up now Daft, it's always polite to give your guest a gift," shouted Daggett to the upset Joker.

She revved up the bike and drove off.

Tails, Akiko, Miyuki: *sighs in relief*
Miyuki: Glad it's not what we thought.
Akiko: It just might end up being something just as bad.

"She was very cooperative I do say."

Akiko: *as she adjusts her monocle* Now how about a spot of tea?

"Yes Daggett, but how is that going to get my bike back."

Daggett turned around and smacked the young Joker with such an impact that he fell backward.

Tails: I guess that finishes the negotiations. So, lunch?
Miyuki: I guess I can't negotiate for a club sandwich. I'd probably get backhanded so hard that I'll go bald.

A few Jokerz ran to help Daft as J-man ran to Daggett to confront, "What is this '30' bullshit? There are too many of us Jokerz to split that up."

Daggett walked towards his office in a disregarding manor then spoke back at him, "The money will come back to us in time…" he whispered the last part, "once we kill her…"

Tomoko: Huh. Was that what you were thinking about, Miyadama?
Akiko: Well... yeah, that was my second thought.

Isis drove her lovely new bike home. She new that if anyone saw a Jokerz bike at this apartment, the may get a little suspicious.

Tails: A little? Especially since she's living in an apartment with a broken window?

So naturally, she discovered a lovely hiding place for her motorcycle. It was hidden behind a warehouse down the street, underneath its guarding blanket.

Tomoko: Man, Gotham's got a lot of warehouses, huh?
Miyuki: Guess so.

The next morning she received a phone call…

"Um, hey Isis."

"Terry!...I mean Terry. Hello," was her reply to the familiar voice.

"How have you been?"

Akiko: She's been... dumb...

"Purf—hehe…just fine," Isis gave herself a smack, "What the hell are you doing girl?" she mumbled to herself.

Miyuki: Being idiotic as always. Next question!

"What was that?"

She laughed apprehensively, "Nothing, just…nothing."

Tails: Which actually means "something". This is a fanfic, after all.

"Well, I wanted to ask you if you wanted to do anything this evening?"

Tomoko: *as Isis* I was. I was just going to steal more things, and...

"Of course," but then she though to herself. She was supposed to meet up the Jokerz that night, "Well, I don't know. What time?"

"How about six o'clock?"

"Um…"

"Please come, I have to see you," he sounded worried.

Miyuki: More like horny.

She was frail against his tone and she knew that it wouldn't matter if she was late, the Jokerz obviously needed her, she didn't need to bend to there will,

Akiko: ...which is why she wrote an IOU and skipped town!

"I will," she smiled to herself, "Where to?"

"My place?"

"That would be fun," she was a speck nervous.

Tails: Uh-oh. This better not lead to... that.
Tomoko: She's gonna bonk her uncle?
Tails: I hope not!

"Okay, I'll see you at six!"

"Kay. Bye love," somewhere on the other line Isis knew that he was blushing and that just put her day at ease.

Miyuki: Oh. That means that he's in love.
Tomoko: "Love" is gonna be used loosely here.

She hung up the phone. I think The Cat is taking over me…or maybe it's just Terry, but why? And she began straightening up her room.

Miyuki: But that window?
Akiko: Nah, that's too much effort, Mi-chan!

By that evening Terry had cleaned up his house and gotten his mom and brother out of the house to visit family. He checked the clock; it was 6:05, "She should be here in any minute now," Terry sat back on the couch and rested the back of his head on his hands.

Akiko: Does that mean that we'll have to play some Barry White or Marvin Gaye in a minute?
Miyuki: I hope not!

And soon there was a knock at the door; Terry shot up and went to answer it, "Hey Isis, come on in."

She was radiant; he had never remembered Dana ever looking so perfect.

Tomoko: Thanks for making another jab at his ex, author. We really don't appreciate putting her down just to make your "sexy" character look better.
Tails: And that jab is moot, especially when I saw that one time where Dana did dress up. And she really did dress up!

She wore a short, strapless, dark purple dress with a ruffled bottom and his jacket. He couldn't help but check her out as she walk past. Isis turned halfway around to catch him and playfully smiled. She looked around the room, "This is lovely."

Tails: That actually... loses to Dana's white outfit. But on the other hand, I think that outfit was ruined by the time Batman needed to save her. Also, I'm afraid of what's going to happen next.

He put his hands in his pockets and shrugged, "If you think this is impressive you'll have to come see my bosses' house something."

"That would be fun."

Akiko: I'd rather slide down the Bat pole and get in the Batmobile.

Realizing that he wasn't being a very good host he rushed, "Oh please; have a seat," he took her coat as well.

Isis sat down and rubbed the soft arm of the sofa as Terry seated himself next to her. All that day he was worried that Isis my feel awkward in this situation, but he felt an incredibly comfortable vibe between them.

Tails: Yeah, you're worrying too much. Just relax and get comfortable with your... girlfriend.
Miyuki: Girlfriend niece.
Tails: Miyuki!

Isis leaned forward and picked up a picture frame from the coffee table, "So this is your mom and brother?"

Tomoko: *sarcastically* No, it's a stock picture that was never removed from the frame.

"Yeah," he replied as he sat back putting his arm behind her.

"You brother looks just like you!"

"Is that a bad thing?" he teased.

Miyuki: To him, it might. But hey, he loves his brother.

She turned to him and grinned seductively, "Of course not."

Terry returned the smile.

"How about giving me a tour of the house?" Isis suggested.

Akiko: And the first and only stop... his bedroom!

"Sure," Terry escorted her throughout the rooms of his house until they stopped at his room.

Tails: Well. Nobody saw that one coming, I'm sure!

After she had scanned the items on his shelves and dresser she sat down on his bed. Terry, who had already been sitting on the bed, now changed positions so he had his feet propped up on the bed and his back against the head board, " Isis, you're different from other girls."

Tomoko: Really? We're using this old line?
Miyuki: Oh, not the "You're not like the other girls" crap. That's older than dirt!
Tails: Well, to be fair, she is different because she's Catwoman, but... yeah, that line is old.

She mocked him playfully, "Is that a bad thing?"

All: Yes.

But Terry was serious, "No."

All: Yes, it is.

Isis crawled over to him on the bed, "How so?" she said with interest.

"Well…" Terry knew he couldn't explain himself without mentioning the fact that he is Batman so he gave her the edited version, "just a lot of things."

Akiko: *as Terry* Yeah, I like how you... breathe differently...?

Isis caressed her fingers through Terry's jet black hair and pulled herself closer to his face, "Mmm…" she pressed her lips against his.

Miyuki: That was supposed to be sexy?
Tomoko: Hell if I know, Fujiwara.

Terry wrapped arms behind her back and pulled her even closer, deepening the kiss. Terry's hands wandered up and down her back and then lower. Isis ran her hands down his stomach until she reached the bottom of his shirt and began to pull it off. He flipped over on top of her and broke away from her lips to pull his shirt up over his head; he threw it to the floor. She skimmed her fingers across his well-defined muscles, "Oh my…" she moaned.

Tails: Thank you, George Takei.

He pulled her up against his chest and reinitiated the kiss. Terry ran a hand up her thigh to her waist and around to her back as Isis massaged the back of his hair hard. He began unzipping her dress.

"Where is that that girl?" Roland Daggett shouted at J-man.

Miyuki: Getting her thing on with Uncle Boyfriend.
Tails: *buries his face in his Miles Electric* I don't know if I should laugh, cry, or take a very long shower.
Akiko: Do all three!

J-man answered, "I don't know Mr. Daggett; she hasn't showed up yet."

The man clasped his hands together in an ill manner and thought to himself. "I'll give her another hour. If she's not her by then, we'll have to start the mayhem without her."

Tomoko: I'm wondering what the heck this "mayhem" is. Too bad we're never gonna find out.

"But sir isn't she the key part in our plan. We need her to rob the shit," J-man inquired.

"We don't need her to cause mayhem!" an angered Daggett slammed his fist on the table, "Shut up and follow your orders clown."

J-man turned around and rolled his eyes, mumbling so obscenities as he walked away.

Akiko: Wow, he is the worst boss ever. Does he need an Evil Overlord List?
Tails: Give him two copies.

As Terry lower Isis' zipper the clock caught her eye, "Oh my God. I have to go!" she yelled as she broke away from Terry.

Tomoko: Oh, well, glad that we didn't have to see that. I'm no prude, but I just didn't want to see that.

Terry zipped her dress back up and slumped back on the bed, "Duty calls?" he sighed.

Isis whispered to herself, yes, but then found a clever lie, "Well Maven wants me home for supper tonight," she mentioned as she rushed to the door.

Miyuki: That lie wasn't that clever. Just saying.

Terry followed bringing her his jacket and opened the door for her. She walked halfway out of the door but then turned around, "Terry…you're great. Everything about you," she softly kissed him one last time before she left.

Tails: And she never returned, because this fic's ending!

Terry turned around and closed the door, "I definitely love her," and took one last glace at her threw the window. She was running.

Akiko: Are you sure that's love?
Tails: Not really, but who cares!

Okay, I'm so sorry about how incredibly long this took. I'll try to have this finished very soon! I've been in a bit of a writing mood, so I might get this done this summer. Let's keep our fingers crossed! as well as keep on reading and reviewing ;-)

Tomoko: Well, considering what happened... yeah, this fic didn't get finished.
Akiko: Maybe it will one day.
Tomoko: It just won't be today. Well, I'm glad to get this fic off of my hands.
Miyuki: Seconded.
Tails: I'd third this, but... eh. It's just that we're going to have to deal with worse fics in the future. So I'm not too upset.
Akiko: I'm actually wondering how this fic would end if it continued.
Tails: Hopefully not with them marrying each other.
Akiko, Miyuki: *shudders*

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