Mystery Science Theater En Masse

Riffer Recruits, Episode 4: Roguishly Possessed (Part Two)

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Roguishly Possessed- Part two

Chapter two- Thieves again

"So, Windy, did you have any fun at all on the date?" Jet asked anxiously.

"Yes, of course I did," Windy smiled walking at Jet's side. Jet smiled a little and blushed.

"That's good…" he replied quietly, "This is my first date, I haven't exactly looked at a girl this way." (Ooh, good thing Wave didn't hear that one)

Tails: Everything's fine until an author's note shows up and ruins the flow.

"What way?" Windy asked cautiously, worrying that he was a pervert.

"You know… I think you're pretty… I think that not just any guy deserves you… you're smart…" Jet stuttered shyly. Windy blushed.

Miyuki: You sure? We kinda don't have much on her character aside from the fact that she's a princess.
Tomoko: That's probably all that we're gonna get.

"Stop it, you're embarrassing me…" she giggled. The two Babylonians reached the door of the Thorndyke's house when Windy suddenly said…

"Jet, there's something I want to tell you." Jet looked at her with confusion.

"What is it?" he asked.

"I… …I like you too," Windy muttered, her face going red.

"You WHAT?" Jet stammered, his own cheeks fading a deep rose red. Windy took hold of his arms and pressed her beak to his. Jet didn't know what to do or say. So he kinda sat there helplessly… so, while they make out I'm going to offer you popcorn. Would you like Pancakes and Pickles with that?

All: *groans*
Akiko: What is it with this lady's obsession with pancakes and pickles?

(Sonic-Boom clubs bloomacncheez over the head)

Ha! That didn't hurt! You hit me in the head!

Sonic-Boom: Fred Fredburger you! (Storms off)

Finally after many long moments of Sonic-Boom trying to kill me with a waffle cone and toothpaste…

Miyuki: Did you laugh yet? It's supposed to be funny!
Tails: *sarcastically claps*

Windy parted away from Jet, who was standing there twitching, feeling as intelligent as a banana. (Yes I am.)

Tomoko: My brain's about to turn into one.
Tails: I doubt that this will be the fic that'll doom us.

"I'm sorry! I don't know what came over me," Windy stammered.

"I love you…" Jet said dumbfounded.

"Huh?" Jet pulled Windy back… okay, would you like a cola with your popcorn?

(Sonic-Boom returns carrying stuff)

Oh-no! Not stuff! (runs)

After many moments of Sonic-Boom trying to stab me with a marshmallow, and rip me to shreds with a hairbrush…

Akiko: Are... we going to continue the story now?
Tomoko: I don't want to. Screw this.

Now it was Windy feeling as intelligent as a banana. (Yes I am.)

(Sonic-Boom throws a banana (yes I am) at bloomacncheez)

Oh, thanks, girl! Now I can illustrate! Hello, Mister Banana (yes I am)…

Miyuki: Eh, "It Wasn't Me" had more staying power.

After a minute of Sonic-Boom using an inhumane weapon that I'm not permitted to discuss (aka a Winx Club doll) and locking me in the happy house…

Akiko: Are we getting two stories or one story and a bunch of nonsense?
Miyuki: Can both things be a bunch of nonsense?
Akiko: Well, we riff nonsense, so that's possible, right?
Miyuki: Yep.

"Um, sorry," Jet muttered. Windy grinned.

"It's okay. I'm not worried about it," she smiled, "We better go inside before they start to worry." Jet nodded. But when they opened the door, Starr immediately hugged Windy and shrieked as loud as her vocal chords could withstand-

"HI, SISTER-IN-LAW!"

Tails: Argh!
Tomoko: Damn squawker...

"And you complain when I walk in on you and Vector making out," Jet hissed.

"You guys made out?" Starr asked as her eyes went bug-eyed wide.

"…aw sugar honey iced tea…" Jet winced. Starr only squealed and hugged Jet until his face started fading a lovely blue… I think it's called Azure… it would look good in a bouquet…

All: We get it!

(Sonic-Boom throws stuff at bloomacncheez)

Oh-no! Not stuff!

Anyway…

"Starr, quit! I can't (gack) breathe!" Jet gagged. Starr just kissed him on the cheek and skipped off singing.

"So, lovebirds… you going to bed or are you gonna watch this scary movie with Sonic and me?" Shadow asked.

Miyuki: If I have to watch a movie with you, you'd drown in a popcorn bucket before the end credits roll.

"Scary movies don't thrill me," Jet hissed.

"Me neither, but I'll watch it anyway," Windy said.

"Wee! I like you!" Shadow grinned.

"AAH! HE LIKES A PERSON!" Sonic screamed, "THAT'S SCARIER THAN THE MOVIE!"

Tails: Sad thing is that Sonic would say something like that without screaming.

"Hey, back off, she's mine," Jet hissed.

"Oh, really, Jet?" Windy asked him. Jet blushed.

"Sorry," he said quickly. Windy shrugged and kissed his cheek.

"G'night," she smiled. Jet grinned and kissed her back.

"GOSH! GET A CLOSET!" Sonic complained.

Tomoko: Why do fics always do that to your pal, Prower?
Tails: I don't know. It annoys Sonic a lot.

"Oh, like you don't flirt with Amy in broad daylight," Jet snickered. Sonic had no come back.

"DE-BOED!" Shadow howled with laughter.

Miyuki: I'll be so happy if someone shoves a watermelon down his throat.
Akiko: Wow. You're never been this violent, Mi-chan.
Miyuki: It takes a lot to get me annoyed.

"Shut up…" Sonic blushed. Jet shook his head and went upstairs. He was absolutely love-struck. So love-struck… he didn't see this coming.

"BOO!" Starr shrieked jumping out of the corner.

"AAH!" Jet yelped. Starr grinned with satisfaction.

Tails: And then he fell down the stairs and broke his neck.

"Got'cha," she sneered. Jet crossed him arms.

"Come on, Starr. Why do you like it so much that Windy and I have a connection?" he scowled.

"Cuz'… she's my best friend and you're my brother… so it's cool," Starr said.

Tomoko: Since when were they best friends?
Akiko: Since the fic told us.

"Oh… really? I was being sarcastic," Jet said relaxing a little.

Miyuki: That ain't sarcasm, bro.

"Meh, g'night, bro," Starr shrugged and walked to her room. Jet sighed and went into his room. He laid his head against the soft pillow and stared into space for a few minutes before eventually dozing off. …I don't know about him but I like to drool on my pillow.

(Sonic-Boom hits me with a cattle prod)

Tomoko: Well deserved.
Tails: Yikes.

Starr was lying in her own bed, thinking about how two of the closest people in her life were finally happy together. She fell asleep with a smile on her face. …when I smile in my sleep that usually means I'm dreaming about dominating the world or I wet the bed.

(Sonic-Boom sighs and gives up)

Tails: ...you know what, I don't feel like riffing the fic that comes after this one.
Akiko: There's another fic?
Tails: Yeah.
Miyuki: Nope! Not gonna do it.

But in the middle of the night, Jet felt an unpleasant jerk and was shoved into a small area. He tried to scream, but something was over his beak, and something was binding together his hands and feet. This same thing was going to happen to a certain sunset-colored toucan, only her beak wasn't covered yet, and if you've heard a toucan shriek at the top of its lungs… well… you know what comes in here.

Tomoko: Our eardrums are gonna explode in a sec, huh?

"AIEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Starr screamed.

Tomoko: Just as I thought.

"SHH! Quiet!" a low voice hissed.

"HELP! HELP! SONIC! VECTOR! WINDY! JET! CHRIS! CHUCK! TANAKA! ELLA! CHUCKLES THE WORM! (sorry, I couldn't resist) AMY!" she cried helplessly. She had a horrible sense of night vision. She couldn't see her boomerang or a light switch.

Tails: She's going to have to attach a headlight to her forehead.

"Starr! Shuddup! It's me!" it hissed.

"I DON'T KNOW YOU! JET HELP!"

"We have Jet, he can't help you!"

"Oh, well… VECTOR! HELP!"

"He's not gonna help you! He and the others are knocked out with laughing gas!"

"AAA-," Starr began but was also shoved into a small area.

Akiko: Wait a sec. Did Storm or Wave just abduct her?
Miyuki: Yeah. And that was a really odd way to write it.

Later on…

Jet was now in a better-lit area. He could see that he was in a burlap sack, with ropes holding his hands, legs, and beak. The mouth of the sack opened and he was dumped out onto a cold marble floor. He looked up to see his kidnapper, and was surprised to see a familiar purple swallow. She smiled and untied his beak.

"Wave? What the heck are you doing?" he asked.

"Wish granting," she grinned.

Tomoko: I wanna get this fic to end. Now grant my wish.

"Um… excuse me?" Jet stuttered. Before Wave could say anymore, Storm came in carrying another burlap sack, that was shrieking and flailing.

"Aw, Storm, could you have done this any quieter?" Wave groaned.

"Sorry! Sorry! Toucans just have enormous beaks!" Storm apologized.

Miyuki: We know. She squawks too loudly to speak her own damn sentences.

"Hey!" Jet and the sack barked.

Akiko: Well... it's kinda true. *shrugs*
Tails: *with headphones on his ears* Yeah.

"Let my sister go!" Jet demanded. Storm shrugged and dropped the sack with a loud 'thud.'

"OW! You moron!" Starr yelped. Storm opened the sack cautiously, which was (dare I say it) a smart thing because Starr was in a rabid animal state.

Tomoko: You're gonna tell us that she was lucid before?

"I'LL TEACH YOU TO DROP ME ON MY-" Starr started, wriggling around in the ropes binding her own hands and feet.

"Starr! You okay?" Jet asked.

"Uh, let me think… NO!" Starr hissed.

"Explain yourself," Jet hissed at Wave.

"Well, I saw that you've got a new little falcon girlfriend," Wave snarled with a fake smile.

"And?"

"AND I THOUGHT THAT WAS GONNA BE ME!" Wave howled.

Miyuki: So... to prove your love, you kidnap him. *sarcastically* Makes sense, lady.

"Well who's fault is that? I don't like you like that! Besides, Storm's still an option," Jet said.

All: *flatly* No.

"Yeah, I tried to tell her that but did she listen? Noooo…" Storm said.

"WHO'S SIDE ARE YOU ON?" Wave hollered.

"The Dancing Banana's. Every hour is Peanut Butter Jelly Time… and occasionally with a baseball bat," Storm stated. They all stared at him.

Tails: Why? Just... why?

"How did that fit into the subject?" Starr asked.

"Who knows? This is coming from the guy who drinks from the toilet," Jet said rolling his eyes.

"Tis' true," said Storm nodding his head in several small nods.

Tomoko: Yeah, he's dense, but why would he drink from the toilet?
Miyuki: He heard that it waters plants.

"Hmm, awkward," Wave blinked, "Well, I'm just gonna make my wish now."

"What's your wish?" Jet asked.

"Wouldn't YOU like to know?" Wave grinned.

"Yes, yes we would," Starr said glaring at Wave.

"Well, then you can go first," she smiled. Storm picked Starr up and clamped her beak shut with his enormous hands. Starr strained screaming, and now crying.

Akiko: Whoa, hold on! Don't tell me that she's gonna sacrifice her!
Tomoko: I just wanted duct tape, not a sacrifice. Holy crap.

"STARR! WAVE, YOU LEAVE HER ALONE!" Jet screamed.

"Don't worry…" Wave smirked, "Your turn's after this." Jet's eyes widened and his heart seemed to stop.

Tails: *flatly* Thud.

The Babylon Guardian looked Starr into her frightened blue eyes and smirked.

"Yes, I know you, you're the little bird who wasn't stealing," he said. Starr frowned.

"Oh, sure, just because of that, EVERYONE knows her now," Jet mumbled.

But within moments… there was an ear-piercing…

ZAP!

Miyuki: Fic ended, let's go!
Tomoko: Don't you dare move your ass, Fujiwara.
Miyuki: *groans* But I don't wanna riff this no more...
Tomoko: And? If I can't leave, you can't leave.

The next morning…

"Ah, it don't get much better than this," Chaoia sighed. He rubbed his little antenna and stretched his tiny arms. Then he flew into the kitchen and helped himself to a doughnut. The little blue neutral Chao was happy to be the first one awake, he could get away with murder,

Tails: Don't you need a cult following for that?

or better, taunt the snooty people next door through the window! Mwahahaha! Ahem… but today, he was going to take a big step up and… WATCH THE MORNING NEWS! (Dun dun DUN!)

Akiko: Why is that supposed to be shocking?
Tails: Because.

Chaoia picked up the remote and flicked to channel... random number 45! Wee!

Akiko: I guess the news is on every channel now.

Hello, this is Scarlet Garcia reporting for Station Square news.

This has been the site of last night's jewel robbery.

The stolen jewel was a rare gem known as a Chaos Emerald.

Miyuki: Yeah. It's totally not a mockup of the events in "Sonic Adventure 2".

"Oh, that's good to know, we'll just find that thief and POW! BAM!" Chaoia grinned.

Tails: Nah, just throw Sonic in jail again. Problem solved.

Wait… this just in, we've received a video tape from a surveillance camera recording the events in last night's robbery.

Chaoia sat back on the couch anxiously. The tape started up and it started with a quiet room with the Emerald sitting peacefully in the center of the room in a glass case. Suddenly two figures busted through the window at an incredible velocity. And the Chaos Emerald was gone before you could blink. The tape paused and rewound back to where the two thieves jumped through the window. The camera zoomed in close to their faces. Chaoia could just make out two pairs of ruby red eyes and… beaks…? The camera zoomed out and went to their feet, both seemed to be traveling on… Extreme Gear…? Chaoia began to wonder, were Starr and Jet in bed?

"They have blue eyes," Chaoia told himself.

Tomoko: I'm calling it. They're being controlled.

It seems that our thieves may not be humans.

Oh, what?

This also just in, the police officers found some evidence.

A well-rounded policeman walked next to Scarlet, carrying… a green feather and a sunset feather…

"OH GOSH, NO!" Chaoia shrieked. Sonic and Tails rushed downstairs.

"Chaoia? What is it?" Sonic asked his Chao. Chaoia didn't reply. He stared at the screen with his jaw wide open.

Akiko: Someone won the billion dollar lottery!
Tails: I wish.

Hmm… it seems that…

An interview with the Sonic Team from a few days ago flashed up.

"So, Jet, you and your sister are known as Babylon Rogues? Do you still steal things?"

"No, I'm done with the whole stealing thing, and Starr never stole anything."

"Starr, would you ever steal anything?"

"No, unless it was from that oaf, Eggman…"

Miyuki: Time to steal from the good old Eggman Empire.

Sonic looked at Chaoia weird.

"You screamed cuz' we're on TV?" he hissed. Tails gasped and pointed at the screen. The silhouettes from the robbery became more clear, revealing a green hawk and a sunset colored toucan.

…maybe our friends Jet and Starr weren't so innocent after all…

"No…" Sonic gasped. He ran to Jet's room, he found nothing, he ran to Starr's room, nothing.

"NO!" Sonic screamed.

"Pipe down, faker, what's your deal?" Shadow snarled.

Akiko: A plot's actually happening. That's the deal.

"Jet and Starr are both missing and on the news there's been a robbery of a Chaos Emerald and Jet and Starr were on the security tape," Sonic explained.

"Ha, I knew we couldn't trust them," Shadow shrugged.

"Um, they're our FRIENDS, Shadow," Sonic frowned.

"YOUR friends. I don't like Jet and I hate Starr," Shadow said.

Miyuki: I kinda hate you more.
Tomoko: "Kinda" is the wrong word there, Fujiwara.

"Why?" Sonic barked.

"I hate people, faker, I'm sure you understand," Shadow said.

"Stop calling me that."

Tails: *as Sonic* Besides, that faker thing's actually my line. Jerk.

"Well if I called you 'Not-faker' that wouldn't sound right now would it?" Shadow sneered. Sonic grumbled.

"Fine, I'll find them with help from their real friends," he growled.

Tomoko: Oh? Hedgehog's got a berserk button, huh?
Tails: It's a very rare thing to press.

"Okay, you do that," Shadow said shooing Sonic away.

Akiko: And then Sonic threw a fly swatter at Shadow's face.

Later that afternoon…

"I don't believe it," Windy sobbed, "He was so nice to me, and we had so much in common!"

"Boys…" Amy sighed giving Sonic a 'hint hint' kind of look.

"Vector? You gonna be okay?" Knuckles asked the tall crocodile. Vector just gaped at the television. Tails was staring at Jet and Starr's red eyes. There was something about them… Suddenly, there was a loud crashing sound.

Akiko: Who had enough of Shadow and threw him out?
Miyuki: I did.
Tails: Why am I not surprised at this?

"That could be them!" Chuck cried.

"Aah! The Chaos Emeralds are up there!" Chris cried.

"No worries, no worries, I got it covered," Shadow said coming downstairs holding Jet and Starr by a tuft of their feathers. It didn't seem to hurt them. In fact, they looked happy to be caught… if the roguish smile is what you want call bliss…

Tomoko: Hope I never get brainwashed. My priorities are gonna be screwed.

"Great job, Shadow," Sonic said. Shadow shrugged. He probably wanted to drop them on their heads. Tails was staring at their eyes again, they seemed blank, cold, and unfocused.

Tomoko: Sounds more like they died with their eyes wide open.

"Hey, what's up with you two?" Amy shrieked. Starr exploded in laughs. Jet gave a doofy giggle and drooled.

"What's wrong with your eyes?" Tails asked finally.

"What's wrong with your puny size, shorty?" Starr snapped. Her voice didn't sound the same, almost like an overlapping voice. Tails' eyes widened.

Akiko: Uh-oh! It's that Legion voice thing!

"YEAH WELL SHOVE IT UP YOUR REAR, STARR!" Chaoina hissed, standing up for her best friend.

"How do you have the nerve to talk to him like that?" Sonic hissed, "You're always so nice to him, Starr."

"I lie, blue," Starr said simply. Jet, who hadn't spoken a lot, suddenly said…

"Will you go penguin sledding with me?" to Windy. (Yay, Avatar!) Windy became offended.

"MY MOTHER'S A PENGUIN, YOU CREEP! I TOLD YOU THAT ON OUR DATE LAST NIGHT!" Suddenly, Starr looked upset.

All: Huh?
Tails: Well... it happens, I guess. *shrugs*

"You took him on a date?" she asked. Windy stared at her.

"Yes! You nearly suffocated Jet after he let it slip that we kissed!"

"AAUGH! JET YOU IDIOT!" Starr yelled, "WHY COULDN'T YOU ASK ME OUT?" Everyone stared at her.

All: Huh?
Tomoko: Something tells me that they ain't possessed.
Akiko: So you're thinking that it's not the real Jet or Starr?
Tomoko: Yeah. It's not lookin' right at all.

"Dude, he's your BROTHER!" Knuckles gagged.

"Who are you?" Tails demanded.

"Not important," Starr snapped, "C'mon, Stor- I mean, Jet."

All: Uh-huh...
Tomoko: Worst villains ever.
Miyuki: It's cartoonishly bad.

"Duh, okay," Jet drooled.

Tails: You mean "Jet".

He and Starr broke out of Shadow's grasp and flew away on their Extreme Gear. Shadow shook with fury and stomped off. Sonic frowned.

"You did what you could, Shadow," he sighed.

"I know…" Shadow sighed sadly. Sonic was a little surprised that Shadow was this upset.

Miyuki: He cares. My surprise is this freaking tiny.

"I can't believe Starr and Jet would do that!" Amy screeched.

Knuckles shook his head, "I could see Jet doing that but never Starr."

"Guys," Tails piped up, "That's not Starr... or Jet..."

Tails: *flatly* Bang.

TO BE CONTINUED…

Akiko: To find out where the real Starr and Jet are, you're gonna have to tune in next... year. It's the Fall finale.
Tomoko: Oh, don't you start that.

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