Mystery Science Theater En Masse

Special Episode 2: Brewdening Love (Part Ten)

--

Note: Kyo's the main riffer here. (His dish is salmon sashimi. Also, for the folks who don't like raw fish, he's also serving up some California rolls.)

Warning: Yes, there's another reviewer bashing chapter here. There's also some Anti-Semitism in this part.

--

Kyo: Is that a brand of mints I haven't tried yet?

A/N: I haven updated becase I have bean buzy with school and stuf.

Kyo: She really must've neglected her English classes.

But now I will do lots of udates to mak up for not doin them. FUC OFF SINNARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111111111

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

MY HOUSE WAS FIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111111111111111111111111111111111

I sceamed and ran to my hose hopping my dad wasn;t in ther, but he was at work so i stoped caring about him.

Kyo: Je te déteste. (I detest you.)

"Brain we have to call the fighters!!!!"

I yellowed to brian but he had ran away.  The house bunt down to ash and then I cryed.

I dint no wear to go so I went to Wards hose walking in a sad but sexah way.

Charlises meat me at the door and I told him upsetedly what had happened.

"Is your dad k?" assed charlises.

"Yeh, he was at work at the hospital

All: How many jobs does he have?!

Kyo: And I gloated gloatingly.

Kyo: *smacks his head* What is this, "Instant Happy God Time"?

Insude was Ward and Jas and Al and Rose and Em and Becca and Jenny. They wear all slitting on the couch weighting for me.

Kyo: So... they slit their wrists while they were weighing themselves? Am I getting that right?

Kyo: And then he spanked her. Bad Mary Sue!
Jessie: No amount of brain bleach will be able to remove that thought from my system.

Kyo: So... the house wasn't torched to heck? Oh, damn it!

Kyo: And then I threw up on the carpet.
Sonia: You're cleaning that up!
Kyo: I actually didn't puke, Sonia.

"We will buld you a new home." Said em and then he and japer left to go to were my house was. They had to buld me a new hose befour dad got home or he woold be mad that all the alcohol got bunt.

The next day I was at school wen ward came up to me and said
"There is somethin suspesious about brain." He told me secetly.

I got scarred becase his vouce was dark and growly and not sexah but evil.

"Y?" I assed.

Kyo: Well, you--
Everyone else: ...are an ass. Got it, Kyo.

Word walled away and brain came to me.

Kyo: And then it hemorrhaged.

Kyo: Through the magical powers of Evil Miyu!
Miyu: Huh? Why would I... never mind.

Kyo: And then Ed'll disable your vehicle's engine so you can't even play poker with him or some other crap.

Thats god' said brain and we wled to cass together.

Cassy: Stay away from me!
Kyo: Run, Cass! You'll get a Sue disease if you're not quick enough!

Kyo: And a hell of a lot dumber and even more convenient.

We wen inside and there was BRIAN WITH MY DAD IN HANDYCUFFS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111111111111111111111

"WHAT ARE OU DOING???????????????" I SCREMED SO HATD THE WINDOWS SHAKED.

Kyo: JESUS CHRIST, WOMAN! DO WE NEED THAT IN CAPS?!

"I am aresing your father becase he is a drug deelar." Barin told me.
"YOU CANT ARESS HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I got anger reely bad. Who was this fake chritan.

Sonia: Who was this fake Christian... asks the fake Christian.
Kyo: At least arrest him for the right thing... an alleged drunkard!

"I can, I am the FBI and I bunt down your hose." Bvrian said.

"I was underclover to invessigate you fatter."

I walled up to brian but he punchewd me in the face, it hurt.

"WHAT DID YU DO THAT FOUR??????????????" Wardy yellowed.

"Becase I am the FBI and I can," Said brin then he lead to the cop car and put dad in it.

They drove away

Kyo: And hopefully out of the crappy fic.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

A/N: Severs Joans dad rite for beaning an drunk.

29 – loanly

Kyo: Oh, I certainly know why you're lonely.

A/N: I have bean reely busy latey with school and stuff so I havet bean able to do lots of updates but not that school is almost finished I can do lots of updats.

Kyo: Is summer school for Remedial English a part of your schedule? Please say that it is.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Now that dad had bean taken away by the FBI I was aloan in the hosue. I dint like beening aloan becase It made me fell bad.

Kyo: Can you speak up? I don't think I heard you whine and moan loud enough!

I desided I wood move in with Wady

Kyo: *as Erin/Joan* ...and then try to bang him, stop at the last second, and repeat the process...

I xgot all my stuff and Ward put it in his car and we moverd it to his hous. I was moving into wardys rom. But i was going to slept in a seperat bed, I had desided that we carnt slep in the same bed intill we are marriage. I neva wanned to go agenst the Lords Teechings agen.

Ward knew what it meat to me not to go agenst the Lords Teechings so he dint make me slept in his bed. I was happy ass that me and ward cold live together and embrass the Lords Teechings

All: Blah, blah, blah, yak, yak, yak... shut up about that.

I mussed my dad thou, even thou he was a meen drunk man. He was still my dad and I wanned to get him out of jail.

Kyo: But I thought you hated him. You don't know how good you have it, you selfish brat.

"Ward, we have to get my dad<" I tod word and cried tears. Ward raped his arms arond me and kissed my forest.

Kyo: Whoa! I don't have anything against folks who don't want to shave their nether region hair, but... maybe a little trim is in order?
Sonic: Get some hedge clippers!
Manic: No, get a chainsaw!
Cassy: *as Smokey Bear* Only you can prevent crotch fires!
Kyo: Damn it, I said "a little trim", you asshats!

"We will, We will go to the jail tomarrow and get him out, you need to go to slep not." He told me and tacked me in my bed, then I wen to slepp.

Kyo: Couldn't afford a staple gun, Eddie?

The next mourning we got up and got reedy to go to jail.

Kyo: She's serving five to nine. Probably gonna have a cell next to ol' Kwame there.

I dressed in a nice blue full langht dress with nice black slip on shoes. Because we had to make a good impresson so they woold let dad out of jail.

Kyo: Translation: I'm going to flirt with the cops get my dad out of jail, because I'm a good Christian!

Then we got in wareds car.

We were on the road when ward turned the corner.

Kyo: And then they died in a fiery car crash!
Everyone else: Pipe dream, Kyo!
Kyo: Hey, let me dream, guys!

0o0o0o0o0o0

Erin: It is shot I no but it will be longer soon,

Kyo: Well, at least the chapter wasn't an author's note.

30 -A NEW EVIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111111

Kyo: I know... you added to the evil with this fic.

Erin: This is a new chapper about the evil peephole and how Ward and all the Vampires and Jacob and me fight them away.

Kyo: But that was before they got some help from the holy door knocker!

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Me anD ward and Al and Jacob and Jenny and Becca and Rosse and Em

Kyo: ...and Zoidberg.

were all at my house one day when these peeple came into town.

Kyo: Nothing's worse than the main ingredient in McDonald's hamburgers.
Cassy: It's made of people!

They were vampires but not nice vampires like my vampire famely but meen bloodstucking ones that kulled peepe and ate them, like Joms and Victor.  They were actually deemons.

Kyo: So... they were actual vampires? Then I already like them!
Amy: Also, they're not your family if you didn't marry into it. Family friend, yes. Treating you like family, yes. But your family? No.

They were coming at me. I new there names. There was on named skegs and one names firebird and one was halohead and another one was named pussle and one was Coger Mcloud and another one Antispectacles.

Kyo: *smacks his head* Oh, great. It's another one of those stupid reviewer bashing chapters.
Sonia: I don't know if those folks were cringing or laughing.
Kyo: I bet that they were laughing.

They were anger at me becase they were jeelous of my hot boyfriend and friends and my pact with God.

Kyo: You basically give the middle finger to God on a constant basis! And who the hell would be jealous of an abusive prick?

They warshipped santa and wanned all good christens deed.

Kyo: *sarcastically* Yeah, that present giving bastard's being controlled by his big white beard!

"Joan, you cannot be a Christina, The dxevil is all powderful." Skegs said and pointed her evil mangy finger at me. She had bad hare that was uglah and fizzy and she looked jewwash but she was a devil warshipper.

Kyo: Erin... I would say what you would look and act like, but I'd probably get fined by the FCC or something.
Sonia: Great. Anti-Semitism towards Skeksis Girl. I believe that she forgot that Jesus was Jewish, right?
Kyo: I don't know, maybe "Brain" burned her church down.

"The satan will beet yor god and pound him into doust." Said pussle.

Kyo: Yes, Satan will defeat God with a myriad of vegetables!
Cassy: I told my parents that vegetables were evil, but they wouldn't listen to me!

She had big low fangs that were dipping with blood and uglah spikey hare that was uglah.

Kyo: Are you going to let us know what else is ugly, ma'am?
Sonia: Besides her atrocious mangling of the English language?
Kyo: Yeah, that, too.

"we will kull you and your christen frends, and satan will rule the world." Mcloud said in a meen uglah vouce that was scarry and she had dirty ripped cloths that made her look uba uglah.

Kyo: Those who act ugly happen to be ugly... not only on the inside, but on the outside as well.
Amy: Did you get that from another fortune cookie?
Kyo: Yeah, I did... I think.

Halohead and Antispectacles had guns and knifes and they were passing them arond there groop. Halohead was laghning meenly and was wearing an ugly hemet and had an uglah bodi and locked like a satan warshipper and Antispectacle had big teeh and long fingernales that needed to be cut and was not cleen.

Kyo: *gets up* This is driving me nuts. I'm surprised I haven't torched her or the damn thing yet...
*Kyo leaves the leaving room and returns from the kitchen with Miyu.*
Miyu: *groans* Why...?
Kyo: *sits down* I told you that you owed me for that chapter, remember?
Miyu: *sits down* Of all of the chapters that I had to repay you for, it had to be a bashing chapter.
Kyo: Oh, don't worry about it. We don't have that much to go, anyway.

"We hat you and eward and all you peeple becase you are hot and we are uglah deemons" said antispectacles jealously.

Miyu: Yes, I'm certain they'll admit that to you, of all people. Is your personality that ugly to the point that you'll only find acceptance from others that are in a poorly written fanfiction which you've warped to your liking?
Everyone else: Yes.

"You will die and Santa will rule! And there will be no hot peeple becase it will all be deemons on the world." Said halohead yelling yellingly.

Kyo: Oh, so the "sexy" moron will die and Santa will rule? I'm actually okay with this world!

Firebird came from the bac of the groop and walled up to me. She had bad breeth and she was looking all durty and loose with lots of winkles and she was flappy.

Miyu: *adjusts glasses* You know what? Forget my tiny speech from earlier. Who wants to bet that Erin has just described herself?
Everyone else: Holy crap, Miyu!

"JOAN YOU WILL SECUM TO SANTA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111111111111" Firebird creamed and hit me in the faces.

Kyo: Well, she is two-faced. No doubt about that.

Ward jumed ford and stared to fight firebird. Gthe rest were shouting their guns at us. Em and Rose and Al And Jap and Jenny and Becca all fighted too. But the evil vamflyers had Santa on there side so they were stonger.

Miyu: That's nice. Now tell us the real conflict.
Kyo: Jeez, Miyu. I've never heard you riff below the belt that much.
Miyu: Maybe I've been around you too long... or maybe it has to do with the fact that I am severely annoyed with this infuriating woman.

Then a car appeered out of no were. It was back and was big. Out of the car came the pope and Jesus!

Kyo: Next on "Ass Pull Theater"...

"we are hear to halp the god christrines." The Pope said and pulled out his popestick.

Cassy: *laughing* Not the Popestick! Keep that thing away!

Skegs ran at the pope witha  swear and they stared fighting, there sticks hiting eachotter.

Cassy: Uh...
Jessie: Cassy, take some brain bleach. It's good for you, sweetie.
Miyu: And you're telling me that the scepter that the Pope holds is actually made of twigs? Are you kidding me?

Jesus was fighting firebird. He was using something like magic

Miyu: Potions, maybe?

(Erin: But it wasn't magic becase magic isn't reel.)

Kyo: And neither is your use of English, your logic, or your brain. Do I need to continue?

and he catched firebird in a gold clage. The gold clage bunt firebird.

Miyu: I'd like to know how you can burn a firebird. Is that an oxymoron?

The pope hit Skegs with his popestick and she was raped up

Cassy: Yeah... I'll take that offer of the brain bleach, Jess.
Jessie: Good call.

and then Jappter took of haloheads hemt and reveled a defromed head with funny eye.

Miyu: We called it "this fanfic".

Al and Em raped  Mcloud and antispectacles up at the same time.

Kyo: For crap's sake, please tell me that the correct word was supposed to be "wrapped".

Ross got Pussle and raped her in rope too. Then te put the evil vamfires in the middle of the room and raped them all together. The Jesus came and cast a spell on them so they cont cume bac and then the pope whacked his popestick and all the meen uglah deemons were sent back to Santa.

Kyo: Where they were forced to make presents for all of those spoiled brats who threaten to kill their parents because they didn't get the shiny new toy that they wanted.

And then Jesus did a mega cuntpunch so they cold neva come back

Miyu: *rolls her eyes* Yes, that's very Christian like.

"There will be no SINNAR devil warshippers here!" Jesus anoned and we all claped happi ass.

All: Well, you are an ass.

Me and ward kissed and hagged becase we were happi that the meen deemons had gone back to santa and that we cold be happi christains for the rest of our lives without them tyring to make us devil warshippers.

All: Blah, blah, blah, yak, yak, yak.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

GO AWAY MEEN SINNARS THAT NO BODI LOVES, YOU ARE ALL UGLAH DEEMONS THAT WILL NEVER HAVE A HOT BOYFRIEND LIKE EDWARD KRULLEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111111111111111111 AND YOU ARE JUST JEELOUS OF ME BECASE I AM WITH EDWARD AND YOU ARINT.

Everyone except Kyo: *flatly* What.
Kyo: Lady, you really need to get laid... by a real person.
Miyu: Kyo...
Kyo: Look, I'm trying to back on saying the "you need to get laid" stuff, but in this case, I'm making an exception here.

--

Continue to Part Eleven
Go Back to Part Nine
Go Back to Summer Reading Program Page
Go Back to Episode List
Go Back to Main MST 'EM Page