Mystery Science Theater En Masse

Special Episode 2: Brewdening Love (Part Seven)

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Note: Cassy will be the main riffer for this part. (She's serving dessert. Want some chocolate torte?)

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Chapter 19 - Roma

Cassy: Tomatoes?

I RED WHAT U SAID YOU PRICKS! REMEMBER I NO DA LINKE?!!!!!1

Cassy: Don't forget to save it in your old Notepad program.

GUESS WHAT YOU SUCK! YOU CANNOT REED OUT MAH STORIE PROPPERLY SO IF YOU CANNOT RRED YOU SHOULD NOT JUDGE EVEN!

Cassy: Of course I can't read it! I'm not fluent in chicken scratch!

FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING FUCK FDUCKXS!SDN!!1111111111 SINARS!!!!!!!!!11111111111 xoxoxoxoxoxox! >:(

Cassy: Oh, fuckety fuck. I'm doomed.

<3<3<3<3<3<3

We lanted on da runway and we ejaculated from the plain.

Cassy: We hope that you have enjoyed your flight, courtesy of Sperm Bank Airlines...
Everyone else: Ugh...

Rupe seemed a cool and forain place and was hawt (Erin: WEATHER WIZ NOT! As in clothes hawt.).

Cassy: What're you talking about, dude?!

I looked at Alic eand Jay and smiled sadly at them with teers proppeling from my eyes.

Cassy: Do her tears hate her or what?

I was sad and crying – WE HAD TO FIND WARD!!!!!!!!!!!1111

Cassy: No, we really don't. I could care less.

We ran down and to the airport and asked. No 1 had seen hymn. :(

Cassy: *in a church choir uniform* And she said that nobody saw the creepy sparkler!
Sonic: And it was kind of good!
Manic, Kyo: Hallelujah!

So we ran around the area asking for a while, when Alice stopped. She seemed to pander for a moment.

Miyu: Yes, she would eventually have to pander to the Sue.
Cassy: Of course, dude.

“Ward migrh gone to see the Vampire Mafia!”

“Who are they?” I assed.

Cassy: Sonic confirmed it earlier. You are an ass.

“When a vampire breaks the laws of the Cvampe World they have to answer to a secret governing bo of Vampires called the Vampire Mafia! Ward knows they all live here and so do I! that mesne he might be asking to be kulles for loving you so he may go to heaven still!”

I was confused – it isn't a sin to love (Erin: so long as it's natural)

Cassy: Define "natural", you hypocritical homophobe.

so why kill hymnselld?

“Why wood he? IT IS NOT A SIN TO LOVE ME?!?”!!11”

Cassy: Yes, it is.

“I know Bella,

All: Bella?!

but Edward beloves in an older and OUTDATED branch of Vampire Chrisanthinum.

Cassy: Is that a new plant that I've never heard of? I need to get Miyu to look that up later.

It is still technically a sin so he cold not go to heathen if he marrieds you.”

Cassy: And this is a problem because...?

I was shocked. Ward would have given up heven for ME?

Cassy: I wouldn't. Screw you.

I was better than eternal paradise to hymn?!?!?!1

Cassy: No.
Everyone else: Speak, sister!

I feel to my knees and cryed – Oh Ward, how I had forsaken you! (Erin: Serves her right STUPID BITCH!!!11111)

Cassy: Did you just call yourself a stupid bitch? Well, I guess I don't have to say it, then!

Fuck Jleb – how could of of started loving him?! He touched my shoulder but I brushed away anstily.

Cassy: Snob.

They helped me to my feet and we flew away to the head of the Vampir Mafia Heedqatters thing place (Erin: Alice woked out ok?).

Cassy: What the hell are you talking about, dude?!

It was under THE COLLOSOM!

Cassy: *shrugs* Well, it is colossal...

It was white and old, crumbling away at places. Alice took us to a secret part in the corner and pressed a button.

The walls shook, and heaved and then they slid away to revail a STARCASE!!!!!!1111

Cassy: *singing off-key* And when you see the stars...
Kyo: Argh, shut up! You're worse than regular cats!

We walked down!

Cassy: Ah, Hell on Earth. Can't get any better than that.

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

Cassy: Hey, I think the Suethor took a break from yelling at everyone at the end. Good!

Chapter 20 – Thy love

Cassy: I'm pretty sure that Shakespeare wrote a lot better than that.

AN: you are all jealous of my story and who meny reviows  it has got. That is why you are being meen.

Cassy: *falls to the floor laughing* Oh, god! Oh, god!
Miyu: Are you okay, Cassidy?
Cassy: *calms down, returns to her seat* I'm fine, dude. Don't worry about it.

I prey that you will lern to be nice and not be meen all ladys.

Cassy: Says the person who's probably a mean old lady herself.

Thanks to becca and Jenny for being my friend and halping me.

<3<3<3 I love God and God loves me <3<3<3

Down the stars there was a light. It was big a brigt and lit the hole room.

Cassy: Unfortunately, the room didn't contain the end of this fic.

In the middal of the room were the Vampire mafia. They didn’t look nice and I saw scared. But Alice was with me so I stooped becing scared and we waled to the mafia.

Cassy: At least she wasn't scared when they shot her in the head. You did great!

“What are you doing here?” The old man in the front asked me meanly.

Cassy: Yeah, and why're you on his lawn, dude? You know how crotchety some old people can get!

Al spoke next.

“We need you to save ward!” Al said.

Cassy: *as the old man* Let me check my schedule... ah, yes. No, I will not save him.

“No, we will not save ward. He is breeking the rules and he is not aloud too.” The old man said angrily.

Cassy: Sounds more like a kindergarten teacher here.

He looked mean and like he want to et me.  I fell sad that they would not save ward and they were going to kull him. I got anger.

Cassy: *as Erin/Joan* Erin/Joan smash!

“HE DID NOHING RONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111111111111!” I shoted maddeningly.

Cassy: And then I wondered confusingly.

The old man walled over to me and lock me in the eye.

Cassy: Didn't know that there was a keyhole in there.

“Yes he did you human, now I will eate you.”  He bunt down to bite my neek.

Cassy: Then someone stops the guy from eating the idiot, blah, blah, blah.

Then Al kicked him and grebbed me away and dragged me from the old man.

Cassy: He should use the creeppy "candy in the van" trick on her next time.

We ran away from the anger vampiters and into the sun becorse they wouldn’t come into thew sun becorse peple would see them sparkle and then they would be founded out.

Cassy: Yeah, I figured as much.

“What are we going to do now?” I cried cryingly. I new Word was going to be dead.

Cassy: And I laughed laughingly.
Jessie: I drank drankingly.
Cassy: That better not be booze!
Jessie: Oh, stop your panicking. I'm drinking iced tea.

Al sat next to me and we cried on the sideward. Then I had an inspuration.

Cassy: Were you inspired enough to end the fic?

“THE POPE!!!!” I shooted and jumped up.

Cassy: *dumbfounded* Huh?
Miyu: Oh, no, no, no... leave him out of this!
Cassy: It's your fault, Miyu! You asked for the Pope earlier!
Miyu: *stammers* How was I supposed to know that she would actually put him into this insanity?!
Kyo: Tch... I wonder what sauce I should use for my left foot.
Miyu: I told you not to tempt the fic, Kyo.

Then me and Alice ran to the vaticat.

The pope was siting in a char in the middel of the vaticat.

Cassy: *rolls her eyes* Yep, he'd be out there.

“What can I do for you holy ones?” He asked in his kind kindly voice.

“We need to you to save a fallow christen. “ I told him and he glot out of his set.

“Quick fallow me.”

All: *singing* Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na Popeman!

He led us to the back and there was a car. It was the pope mobile, it looked like the bat mobile but it was the pope mobile.

Cassy: Uh, the Batmobile and the Popemobile don't look alike. At all.

We got in the pope mobile and the Pope drove it fastly to were Edward was in the middal of Rom.

Cassy: And who says that men in their eighties can't drive?

“The he is” I pointed to Ward who was in the middal of the street.

Cassy: And the world's fastest search party finds their target!

The poep pulled over and jumped out fo the car.

“I am hear to save tyou!” The pope shouted and pulled out his popestick.

Cassy: *confused* That sounds a bit... wrong.

He waved his popestick and then

Cassy: ...I gagged.

Ward feinted. He fall on the ground and the poep picked him up and puyt him n the pope mobile. Then we got back in and went back tot he vaticat.

Cassy: Well, that was very anticlimactic.

In a chamer in the vaticat we put Warde on a bed and the Pope started canting old christen words and he waed his pope stick thru the air like a sworde. Then edwrd woke up.

Cassy: Insert joke that will send me to Hell in two seconds here.

“Jone,” He said when he saw me stanign ner him.

“Ward I hagged him and he hagged me back.

Cassy: Did you just call yourself a hag?

“I love you” he tood me.

“I love you too,” Edward stared and kussed my check. And I will never run away form you again."

Cassy: *as Edward* At least until this movie is made and bombs like "Waterworld".

The pope smelled and put his hand on Edwards solider.

Cassy: Insert yet another joke that'll send me to Hell here.

“Your farth in jesus saved you.” The pope told him and Ward looked un suicidal.

Cassy: You're telling me that if I fart for Jesus, I'll lose the ability to become suicidal? Alrighty, then! Thanks for the tip!

Al and me were smelling.

Cassy: And I know what this fic smells like.

We had sazved Ward. But Jey didn’t lool happe. I think he wasnted Edward to suicide but then that wouldn’t be christen and I couldn’t love someone that wasn’t christen. We went tot he plan.

Cassy: Seriously... what the hell did you just say, dude?!

<3<3<3<3<3<3
A/N:  Oh no pour Jacon.

Cassy: Jason?
Amy: Bacon?

But now Edward is save. What will happen next? God loves all good revowers.

Cassy: God loves everyone, not just "good reviewers". Open those horizons!

21 – Deprestion

Cassy: And people who are depressed are even more depressed because you spelled "depression" incorrectly.

AN: NOW YOU MADE ANOTHER BAD WEBSITE ABOUT ME YOU ARE ALL DEVIL WARSHIPPING SINNARS WITHOUT ANY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1  YOU ARE ALL MEEN UGLY PEEPLE THAT HATE CHRISTINAS. I PREY THAT YOU WILL ALL DISAPEAR AND LEF ME ALONE AND STOP BEENING SINNARS.

Cassy: That's nice, dear. Are you done shouting at the walls now?

<3<3<3<3<3<3

We Got off the plain at froks.

Cassy: Didn't know that you could move a piece of land around.

Edward was happy to be bac with me. Jay didn’t say anything. Jenny was weighting for us.

Cassy: And she weighs... sixty pounds? Ah, jeez, not another Mary Sue scale!

Shed hugged Jay and kissed him. He was happy to be back with Jen.  We all went back to my place becorse dad wood be at worl. We sat down.

Cassy: *woodenly* The action.
Amy: Huh? What the heck was in that next to last sentence?
Manic: Who cares?

Jaspar came in the door.

“You have to come home qick.”

Cassy: All right, who died this time?

We all stood up and fallowed jasper out the door. We went to wards house were MC

Cassy: ...Lyte?

was baking chocolate cake.

Cassy: Really? All this crap's happening, and all she does is cook stuff?
Amy: Never mind the fact that those vampires can't eat people food...

Charlise was sitting in the middle of the room wating.

Cassy: "Charlise"? Yeah, shows how much you care about the canon characters, dude.

“Joms mate is coming to Forks.” He tols us. I was sacred. Victoia wanted to get me for whart happend to Jams.

Cassy: Bastard ruined my strawberry jam.

“you will have to turn ingo a werewoof and help portec Erin,” Em told Fenando who torned into a woof and went outside.

Cassy: *sarcastically* No, this doesn't sound like the plot to "Eclipse" at all! What are you talking about?

“Ward you will have to take Joan to another place so he will be save.”

Cassy: "He"? But I thought that homosexuality was "wrong". Hypocrite.

He said and ward led me to were they keeped the Feraris. We got ina red one. Al, Jassar, Em and Roseli were staffing besife the casr.

Cassy: Yes, they have no relation to those folks known as the actual Cullen Clan.

“They are going to be running with fenando to make sure that Victoria doesn’t gwet you.” Ward told me carlingly. Then he started to drove the car very fast. We were speading alone the roar.

Cassy: Yes, but are you faster then the lions themselves?

Then A girl vampire with blode hair and evil eyes jumped in from of us. Word swored the car to go round her. She was going to jump thru the windscream to get me.

Cassy: And tell me how this is terrible.

Then out of no were Jay as a werewoof came and tackled her. Then everone else was there. They were all figting. Wad got out of the car and straight to fight too.

Cassy: *flatly* The thrilling fight scene.

They were all beating her up sexily but then

Cassy: ...everyfing went blak.
Everyone else: Wrong story, you!
Cassy: Heh.

she punched into ward hard and he fell backwords.

I scremed really loud, ward was ded!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111111

Cassy: Tch. Whatever.

I jumpted out of the car and run over to Ward who was ded on the grond. I stared cring. I didn’t car if Victor was going to eat me. She had killed Edwrd.

Cassy: And explain the part where I should feel sorry for you.

Then there was a light

Cassy: ...of plot convenience.

The pope was driving hs pope mobile at Victor.

Cassy: So... he charged towards Victoria's twin brother?

She ran way and then the Pope stopped. He got out of the Pope mobile and got his Pope stick out. We put edwart in the Pope mobile and we all got in it and went back to Charlise house.

Cassy: So... Popeman can magically teleport. How stupid is this stuff?

MC

Cassy: ...Chris.

gave us all chocolate cake and we laif wod on the bed. The Pope got some holy water and put it on Ward fourhead.

Cassy: Four heads? That's a freaky guy.
Miyu: Four arms can be a lot freakier... depending on who you ask.
Cassy: You're weird, dude.

My tears were boosting out of my eyes.

Cassy: When crying normally just isn't enough... you must cry at a hundred miles per hour.
Manic: And you must do it while eating chocolate cake.

Jenny was crying to and hugging Fenando who had chanded back into a person.

Everyone wathed the Pope as he poked ward with his pope stick.

Cassy: *stifling laughter* I'm going to Hell!
Kyo: *snickering* I'm going with you, Cass!

But Ward wasn’t coming back to live. The Pope thrust his popestick in Edward but he stilled was ded.

Amy: Huh?!
Sonia: Oh, dear heavens.
Manic: Well! I don't think I'm hungry now!
Sonic: Uh... seriously... did I hear that right?
Jessie: Yes, Sonic. Yes, you did.
Miyu: And you too can enjoy the horrors of double necrophilia!
Cassy: *laughing, wipes tears from her eyes* Hee-larious!
Kyo: *laughing* It's a sin, right? How sinful!

I new edwar was going to be ded forever. The pope looked said as he chanted ancent words and danced arond Edward.

Sonia: He's not a witch doctor!
Miyu: "Dead forever"? He's been dead since 1918! What are you talking about?
Cassy: Yeah. A sin, Kyo.
Kyo: A sin, Cassy.

But noting worked. The pope’s popestick went down as he dropped it awey from ward. Jacob higged me and kissed my check. I was wet.

Everyone except Sonia: *laughing*
Sonia: *sighs* This is absolutely ridiculous.
Kyo: Oh, lighten up, Sonia! You're so... stiff!
Everyone except Sonia: *laughing louder*
Sonic: *snickering* That's a cheesy joke, man.
Sonia: Hmph.

Then there was a light!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111

Cassy: *snickering* No kidding, dude.

<3<3<3<3<3

I am reely exsited about wahts going to happn in the next chapter.

Kyo: Like ejaculating out of a plane.
Cassy: Dude!
Manic: *snickering* Man, shut up about that!

I luv you Jenny in a beast friend way. Love to all good reviewers and all good christanes.

Cassy: Oh, you certainly love something, all right.

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