Mystery Science Theater En Masse

Special Episode 2: Brewdening Love (Part Six)

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Note: Sonic will handle this part. (His dish happens to be... chilidogs. Of course.)

Warning: This part has critic bashing, tinges of homophobia, and tinges of racism.

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16 – Goen.

Sonic: Bob Goen?

Hey Jenny, guess what? YOUR A SLUT! FUCK YOU I TOLD YOU I LIKED TIM BUT DID YOU CARE NO WELL PAYBACK BITCH HAHAHAHAHAHA! Love you but seriously, eye for a fucking eye. And to everyone enjoy. I really am not in the mode for yor SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111

Sonic: Whoa! Can't get any more petty than that!

<3<3<3<3<3<3 (EXCEPT NOT TO CERTAIN PEOPLE!)

Sonic: Yet you don't deserve it.

I went hoem to my fathters that nite. I felt butter at the world;

Sonic: ...so the world must be placed on some toast!

had Ward had just dumped me and i was so upset, I couldn’t stop crying?

Sonic: Yeah, I'm told that's what happens when you get dumped.

I looked myself in my room and watched the moon thru the windew.

Sonic: "Windew"? We may need some of that Windex to get rid of that... "windew".

How could he dump me?

Sonic: He must've gotten his canon self back.

DID he dump me?

Sonic: You're crying, so I'm assuming that he did.

Leaving your girldriend after a talk like that I dunno. He had bean so mean...He had just leafed me becorse I was hot.

Sonic: Lady, I want to hit you with a rubber tire... from an 18-wheeler.

It was UNFARE!!!111 I wandered if this was how Jesus had felt being beetrayd by Jewdas.

Sonic: Doubt it. Jesus never said that He was dumped because of His invisible hotness.

I went flacid at the idea of living without Ward.

Sonic: And I was feeling rather erect at the thought.
Sonia: Sonic!
Sonic: What? I'm just pointing it out!
Sonia: It's still a bad choice of words, Sonic!
Sonic: Whoops.

I fell to the bed and I cried some more into my pillow and then I went to sleep, crying and teery.

The next morning I woke up hopping that everything had just been a bad dream, but when I got out of bed I saw all the pictures that were of me and Word had been ripped up. He had comed in my room that nite and taken everything that reminded me of him!!

Sonic: *sarcastically* No, this doesn't sound like the plot to "New Moon" at all! This is completely original material!

I felt so sad so I rung Janny. She would no what to do, and owed me after I had pretty much set her up with buth Jay and Em.

Sonic: Yes, she owes you big time for hooking her up. What's next? You're gonna ask her to wash your dishes because you did that?

“Erin! WERD LEFT ME!!!!!!!!!!!111” I sreamed down the into phone.

Sonic: Hey, the phone didn't do anything to you! And why are you talking to yourself? You really are that self-centered, huh?

“Om mi good!?! Why did he leeve you?” Jenny asked me in concerning tone of voice.

“Because out of all the ironys I am too hot!” I told her, I was angry now.

Sonic: Anyone got a tire? I'd like to smack the sense into her now.

Then I explained with the bloodlist and the James and the commitment iddues.

Sonic: Yeah, and I think my blood's next on that list. Oh, well.

"I will came over.” Jen told me and she hang up.

Then, still crying, I got into my blue polo fleas and cream skirt with the black stockings and black stilletos, and applied Mayballean again with blue eyeliner this time. I syed my hair brown becose I had become sick of red.

Sonic: This just in: Nobody cares about your fleas or your other crap.

Jenny drove her car ovah that she got for her brithday , it was white and really pretty and curvy (Erin: Like her, naww :3 love you girl no homo k).

Sonic: Hey, Kyo!
Kyo: What?
Sonic: I love you, bro! *sarcastically* No homo.
Kyo: Yeah, whatever. I don't get why folks have to use "no homo". You love your family, friends, and your lover... or lovers. You don't have to tack that crap at the end.

She got out and come in my houyse. We sat at the table togather and I told her what Ward had told me the nite befour.

“How could he leaf ou! your too hot for him.” Jenny said, trying to make me fell batter.

Sonic: Oh, now I have leaves in my pancake batter?

I did becorse she was right, I was too hot for him, but only just and I still missd hymn really bad. he was the love on my life...

Sonic: And He said that you should shut up about being "hot"!
Everyone else: Hallelujah!

Then Fernando walked into hose,

Sonic: Damn, he must be really tiny if he's walking into a garden hose!

he looked at us and Jenny ran up to him and gave him a hug.

Sonic: Wait, I thought she liked Jacob now! Oh, forget it.

“You didn’t tell eme you were coming ovar!” Jenny sqeeeed and kissed him on the check.

“What is rong Jaosn?” Jacob asked me, shirt rippling with mussles as his Native Indian face was perplexment. (Erin: BEST DRESCRITPION EVER!)

Sonic: You're on some crack if you think that's the best description ever.
Amy: Did he just shapeshift or something?
Sonic: I don't know, Ames. Don't think about it too much, because Erin sure didn't.

“Word broak up with me becorse I smelt two good.” I told him and he frawned.

All: *annoyed* Oh, would you shut up about that?!

“I didn’t like him, I new he was a bad vampfire.” He said, spitting at the ground. He cared for my honor THAT much...? It was intrusting.

Sonic: Of course. You're just like Kat... a large black hole.

I locked away from him though, i didn’t want him calling EWad a bad person. Espechally when Ward had saved my live!

Sonic: From what? The plot?

“He isn;t bad...but we have issues we need to sort. He wants to ate me all the time and I need to be with hymn forever as i shoulf.” I said and tears flopped from my eyes.

Sonic: And so the tears flailed about, and He said that it was hilarious!
Manic: Hallelujah, bro!

Jacob came over and hugged me, jenny didn’t mine becorse we are all frends and she nows I wouldn’t pull anything on her boyfriend.

Sonic: Next on "The Maury Povich Show"...

“it will be ok,” Jay told me, striking my hair with his soft hand.

Sonic: Bad hair! Evil dyed hair!

I snoggled into his body, he was really warm and comfortle. I didn’t want to let him go but I had to becase Jenny was looking glaringly at me from over his shelder.I cussed myself for having such a moment of weakness, but Jenny eased and Jay didn't seem to have any idea so I kept my mouth shut. I was sad, I wasn't doing anything.

Sonic: Yep, potentially stealing your best friend's boyfriend certainly counts as "nothing".

We then all went up to my room because Dad was coming home from the factory and he would want us out of his way.

Sonic: The factory? How many temp jobs does this guy have?

We all lied on my bed together and looked at the roaf. I was beteen Jen and Jacob, but jen was doing it to make me feal better. She is the best person ever, and I love her lots.

Sonic: I thought you hated her for the time being. What's with the mood swings, huh?

“what are you going to do now that Wurd is goen?” Jenny asked me and I felt lyke cring again.

Kyo: Erin... or Joan... you may want to try mast--
Everyone else: Kyo!

“I don’t know, I miss him so much, and i love him lots. HE ISN"T FUCKING GONE WE JUST HAD A SPATE!” I yelled and puched my pillow in the face. HIS face.

Sonic: That pillow's going to file a lawsuit for comfort abuse now.

Feathers came out and landed on Js nose.

Sonic: When did the "Hell's Kitchen" contestants make their guest appearances here?
Sonia: *as J* J feels like such a jackass 'cause of that freaking lettuce.

He blew it off and we started laughing and I felt better. He gave me a cute smile and i returned it. Then I remambered  Jen so I got off the bed and made them get closer together. I desired to leaf them along so I left the room and went out the back. Jen and Jacob stayed in the room togather.

Sonic: Can't you just have a threesome like the good Christian hypocrite that you are?
Miyu: Sonic!
Sonic: Just pointing it out there, Miyu!
Miyu: Yes, but... no!

Out the back I sdat onder a tree and thinked.

Sonic: That's a first.

Edward and his family had gone from my life, and all becaye of me.

Sonic: I'm pretty sure that those were Bella's thoughts.

After i was safe from Jims...I would be alone. New friends in a new school, a new town...a new...world. It hurt so much, my stomach felt sick.

Sonic: Yeah, clean slates suck.

All of a sudden Jacob was behind me and he sat down.

Wheres jenny?” I asked him sucupisouly

She had to go home, her mother called her...” Jacob said. "Do you want to come to my hose?”

Sonic: If she can fit in it, then yes.

I nodded, i had nothing bettar to do.

Sonic: Like stealing your best friend's guy.

We both got off.

Sonic: Of what?

"Ok I will go to your place.”

Fenando's house was in the next town. His dad was in a wheelchair and didn’t say anything to us as we walked in and to his room.

Sonic: *sarcastically* Yes, screw the guy suffering in the wheelchair.

His room was big and messy as smelt like werewoof. It was weird but i actually liked the smell of his room. Jay sat down and watched me.

Sonic: You like the smell of wet animal fur? Uh...

“Are you still going to kull jom?”

“Yes, I won let him hurt you, I don’t want him to kull someone...as bootaful as you.”

Sonic: *gags* Cor-ny...

I blushed, he was really sweet. He smiled cutly and i walked over to him and hugged him. Maybe...maybe, I had a thought (Erin: A HORRID AND WRONG THOUGHT)

Sonic: Oh, you're just horny. Shut up, it's natural.

that maybe Ward wasn't all there was in my love life. I smiled, and looked to the new day but...

JENNY WAS THE WINDOW!!!!!!!1111111

Sonic: Well, that certainly gives a whole new meaning to the term "peeping tom".

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

FUCK YOU JENNY YOU THEIVEING WHORE! GOD SMITE YOU FROM THE FACE OF THE EARTH! AND YOU TOO YOU SINNING F-BAGS! >: @

Sonic: May I be one of those sinning D-bags? I hear it's a little less harsh.
Manic: There goes that hate and love thing again. She really can't make up her mind, huh?

Chapter 17 - REVENGE
This is a different chapter. It's a special chapter that sort o doesn't fit in the stori but I put it in BEOCES IT IS INPOTANT TO HAVE THIS. SO THIS IS NON CANNONICALE! Dedicated to some crazy people who review me.

Sonic: Translation: It's a piece of filler.

</3</3</3</3</3</3</3</3</3</3</3</3</3</3 (FUCK U)

Sonic: Are you angry? Do you want some cookies?

I was walking down the street, happi ass could be.

Sonic: Well, you are an ass. Can't dispute that.

I was in a beautiful long blue gown, shimmering lik perky stars (size 8 becoause I'm slim and sexah), blonde heels and beautiful blue tinted madeup. I had a boyfriend named Ward, who was a hot and sexah and LOVING Christian Vampire. I have friends like my BFs Jenny, Becca, Lana and Dan. I have new awesome friends lik EM AND ALICE AND MC AND CHARLISE AND JAY AND JAPSTER AND ROSE AND ALICE WHO ACTUALLY CARD. We were all Christains and living, PURE AHPPY LIFES.

Sonic: *snores*
Everyone else: Wake up, Sonic!
Sonic: *wakes up* Gah! You guys sure can shout!

As I was walking I saw a group of people. At least, I tought they were people but they were so mangy. They all looked like scraggily old weomin with BAD NASTY HAIR and UNLOVABLE FACES that drooped with oldness like thier boobs did to the ground! They looked like homeless people who had been hit by cars and beaten thth the uglah STCIK!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111

Sonic: Translation: You probably hate elderly and homeless people. Ever heard of karma?

THey all looked at me like a pack of wolves and ran at me, arms out drooling. I screemas!

"JOAN ST SANCTUART LOUSIA_SMITH! JOAN SN SANTUARY LIYSA_SMITH!!!!!!111111" They roared at me with a nasty primal rage, almost tliek THEY WERE DEMONDS

Sonic: They were diamonds? And is it that hard to spell your own Mary Sue's name?

"Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, keep awayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!" I screamed and hoped Wdar or Jay or someone would save me! These were clearly Unchristian Vampires!!!!!!!!!11111 :'O

Sonic: But you compared them to wolves earlier. Make up your mind, will you?

They jump tackled me and I went to the ground and they were about to start hitting me, when WARD AND JAY CAME TO THE DAY!

Sonic: *boos*

They beet the motherfuckers off,

Sonic: ...with cabbage.

breaking thier lims and noses and tits leaving them a pile of slag (WHICH IS WHAT THEY ALWAYS WERE).

Sonic: Yes, nothing spreads Christian love like hate and more hate.
Sonia: I didn't know that my breasts had bones in them.

"EJON, BAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" THEy hissed at mi and I cried and Ward hugged me and Jay spat at them and kicked one flammig burd in da faices!

Sonic: Best horribly written fight scene ever.

"WE WERE JELOSU OF YOU AND THE VAMPIRES HOW YOU WERE LIVING WHOLESOM CHRUCHTIAN LIVES WHILST WE LOVED IN SQUALLA AND SIN! WE HATE YOU AND HAVE NO LIVES AND ARE COMPLETLY UN LOVABLELE!"

"WE HATE YOU FOR NO RAISEN AND SHIT ON YOUR WORK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WE HAVE DEDICATED A SITGH TO YOU WEVEN TO CONCORD AND CONSPIRACY!"

THEY SHOWED Me and I was horrifold. WHY HAD THESE EVIL PEOPLE DONE THIS?

Sonic: *puts on a pair of glasses, pulls out a list* Really, lady? I guess I can continue Miyu's little list here. Number four: You made a chapter bashing the people who have critiqued your "work", which is this chapter here. Number five: You pretend to follow the Lord's teachings while you're sounding like Satan's love child. You're seriously not fooling anybody here.

"Leave me alone!" I screamed "LEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN NNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111111111111111111111111111111111\"

Sonic: Man, I had plenty of time to eat two chilidogs while you were stretching the crap out of your screaming.

They we bundled them off and threw the sinning assholes off a cliff. Then The Lord himself came and pivoted them to HELL with a cunt punch. We winked at eachother and The Almoty went away. I had a happy day after that BECORSE IT WAS ONE MORE EVIL GONE.

Sonic: And the next potential evil? Look in the mirror.

I was walking down the street when

Sonic: *as Erin/Joan* ...the Lord sent me to Hell! How could that heeethan do this to me? I'm a good, hot Christian!

18 – Leap of Fiath
YOU NOT NICE PEOPLE! YOU! STOP and love you all every1 else. God looks upon thyne and smiles :3

Sonic: Tch! I've never believed your thumping then, and I'm not believing you now.

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

I pashed away from Jay because Jenny was staring in all angry like. Oh no! :o

Sonic: "Oh, no!" is right! All that and no Jerry Springer cardboard cutout in sight!

“I didn’t do anything! SERIOUS?!?!?” I said but Jenny walked thru the room and i thought she was going to slwp me. FeJay did nto saw anything becorse I think she was felling gilty about cuming onto me.

Sonic: I'm feeling more guilty. I saw that... you know.

“Jenny I wouldn’t crack onto your boffriend!!!!! WTF?!?1" I said sadly. Jenny warked past me and went to Jay.

Sonic: He's not a coconut! You can't crack people like that!

“I don’t want to be wiff  you, your a man slut and I HATE YOU!!!!!!!!11111” She shooted at him and slapped him and then she left, but not before giving me an EVIL NON-BEST-FREIND-GLARE!!!!!!111

Sonic: *turns to the reading audience* Why is this happening to me? Why am I reading this?

Jay looked upset and as thou he was going to cri. I hugged him again, and accidently admired how taught his mussles were. Damn he was a sexah wolf and he kneeded me.

Sonic: *as Erin/Joan* And his seafood! Tasty!
Jessie: I think I'm going to projectile vomit now. Thanks.
Amy: Oh, please don't knead her! She isn't yeast!

"It's ok, ok she will come back to you!’ I was trying to make him fell bettar becoz I didn’t went him to be sad and upset over Jenny. She flared up sometimes, like my queef sister does sumtimes.

Sonic: Anybody know what "queef" means?
Miyu: It's a slang term for a vaginal fart, Sonic.
Sonic: So she called her sister a fart? Lovely insult there.

Jay srugged and shat down on his bed, I sat with him agan.

This time we didn’t cuddle becor I new it woudnt be a good idéa - Jenny could come back in any moment and we were!

Sonic: That sentence is so elaborate. Those "é"s really can make it all better.

Jay didn’t say anything so I desided it was time for me to go home. I said goodbye to Fatnando and left his house and went home. He waved.

Sonic: What you didn't see was his cheering after he got away from her.

I was tried when I got  home so I went straight to bed, changing into my uber hot Arab Princess laungeray, it is black with white frills and made with foreign silks.

All: This just in: Nobody cares.

I felt really stressed with everything that had happened that day so i felt asleep.

That night, images of Ward troblled me, and I felt guilty. I had given in to Lust almost, and beetrayed my beloved! A guilt swept over me but then it went.

Sonic: Never mind the fact that she also gave in to pride, envy, greed, sloth, and wrath.

The next morning I woke up and the sun was out.

Sonic: Yes, that's what usually happens when you wake up in the morning.

I thought bout Wad and the dream and Jay and Jenny and i started to tear. I missed him so much. I thought about runging Jenny btu then I remembered that she was anger at me.

Sonic: *woodenly* Gee, I wonder why.

So i rung Fenando.

"Keh?"

Sonic: Yes, Gengar?

"Hey Funado! Is Ward in?"

Frendtaro's voice sounded old but happy. He was a good man, almoss nice like Father James but he kicked his ass in niceness.

Sonic: I thought that nobody could be better than those who worked for the man upstairs...
Amy: Now your brain's leaking, Sonic.

“Helo,” J said when he anwered the phone. He sounded wearwolfy and Indian.

Sonic: And I'm speaking hedgehogly.

“Hi Jacuyb,:I said seductivy in an errotic manner

Sonic: *sarcastically* No, you're not suffering from lust at all!

“Oh, hi Joan,” he relied happly

“Is everything ok with you in Jen?” i asked

“no,” he said, he cleerly dint want to talk about it.

Sonic: But since this is a badfic, you're going to have to talk about it.

“Do you want to cume rond?” I asked

Sonic: Actually, I prefer to go square.

“Okay, said Fenando. I took the time to pray and to dress in a hawt black mini with white stockings and heals, a blue frilled summeh dresstop thing and tied my hair into a ponytail and applied sexah mascara and blue lipstick for an exotic look. Then he was outside my house in a tight blak top and demin jeans and sneakers.

All: Nobody cares, you!

He looked fucking bad ass.

Sonic: And I looked bored.

I let him in the door then my phone ring, it was Al!

Sonic: Al who? Al Bundy?

“Hey Joan..........I need to talk to you, I am coming over.”

“K, I said. But my heart was cold.

Sonic: No kidding.

It clearly was going to have to do with Ward...I looked at Jay guilty and looked away, brewdingly. It was ominous (Erin: )

Sonic: And the author's note is blank like my mind.

Then Al was out the front aswell.She had a pute white gown on with black stockings and heals and looked haot.

I went out to met her, leaving Jay in the house.

“What is it Alic?” I asked

“It’s Wead...He..." She brust into tears, sniffling and looked sad. I frowned. Jay frowned.

Sonic: I'd actually need some weed to enjoy this.

"Ward is going to kill himself becus he is sad over leaving you!”

Sonic: *woodenly* No, this certainly doesn't sound like "New Moon" at all! Why do you ask?

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!111111111", I yellowed, because I had been such a bitch

Sonic: Well, we can finally agree on something!

be be so mean to hymn and make him consider THE ULTIMATE SIN! (Erin: Joan is a bitch!)

Sonic: And so we discovered that she was a--
Cassy: Are you seriously trying to get us to praise that, dude?
Sonic: No, not really. Wait, you're in a uniform, too?
Cassy: Maybe.

"He cant do that we have to stop him!! Where is he?!?!!"

Alci nnodded and we got in her car.

"We have to leavc now, he is in Italy," She told me and I started to cry. he had ron to Euripe to escape me!

Sonic: I would, too.

"This is all my fault, I seamed

All: Bingo!

"No it is not, he leaft you, Aliec told me, but I still felt angily.

We spd dwn the road to get to the airpurt so we could catch a plane to erope.

Sonic: Oh, I thought that they were going to drive there so the fic can make even less sense.

<3<3<#<#<3<3,#

Ok I did have one cruiser lol but still, it isn't THAT BAD >: (

Sonic: What the heck are you talking about?! Jeez, I'm going to leave here feeling more confused than when I came in!

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