Mystery Science Theater En Masse

Special Episode 3: A Story of Destined Love (Part Three)

--

Warning: You have reached Part Three of this riffing, which contains some strong language.

--

~Chapter Three: Sweet and Sour Revenge~

Manic: Served with rice and your choice of chicken or beef!

"It's been two weeks, and you've already shown some excellent battle skills. I'm really proud of you, Emi."

Keiko: Really? Really?! I've been doing samurai skills for most of my life, and she masters this stuff in two weeks?!
Kyo: *yawning* Dunno why you need to put effort into that stuff, Tsukino. Talent's natural.
Keiko: This is coming from the guy who got upstaged by some dude who can nuke the Orochi version of Yagami in one hit? Yeah. Sure.
Kyo: I hate you, Tsukino.
Keiko: Don't hate me, hate the guy who did that.

"Thank you, Master Kyo." is what the Tsuki heiress said in response, blushing a little bit. Unfortunately, Keiko noticed and she shook her head, wondering why her sister would even bother hanging out with this "lazy bum". Basically, that's what the younger girl always thought about him.

Sonic: And she still does today! Hooray...

"Oh, and thanks for occupying me, I get bored at times, and customers don't come a lot."

Sonia: So... why is it still in business? Is it located in an alleyway?
Everyone else: Bad callback!
Kyo: Come on, Keyboard Girl!

"I can see that... it's just you, me, and... that cheap waste of skin and bones."

Amy: Hey, I have a better list of people for that insult! For example, we can start with Kim Kardashian...
Emi: Yes, destroying marriage a lot harder than Britney Spears could ever do will do that to you.

"Bite me, Kusanagi-baka." Keiko grumbled heavily, causing her sister to shake her head at both of the fighters.

"Aw, now you made your sister angry."

"Shut up, Master Kyo."

Keiko: Yes, shut up... "Master Kyo".
Kyo: You first.
Sonic: *slowly pushes the cheese tray towards Kyo and Keiko*
Keiko: *waves the cheese tray away* Eh.
Kyo: I don't want any cheese, Gumball.
Sonic: *shrugs* Yeah, you're welcome.

Emi said and smiled lightly while Keiko rolled her eyes and mumbled something that the other two wouldn't be able to hear.

Benimaru: It turns out that she mumbled the following words... "Stop this fic before it gets even worse."

"I think I'm gonna leave now... before I even attempt to slit this man's throat... but I'll tell Mama that you'll be home late again." is what the younger Tsuki heiress said before exiting the convience shop.

Manic: Hooray, attempted murder is fun! Let's dance with flower petals raining from the sky!
Benimaru: You're starting to creep me out a little, Manic.
Manic: And you didn't creep us out with your tetanus quip earlier?
Benimaru: That was a factual statement.
Manic: Sure, sure.

"Good riddance." Kyo mumbled before directing his attention to his pupil.

Amy: And Mr. Kusanagi's run out of creative things to say.
Kyo: This one hasn't, Piko.
Amy: It's Amy.
Kyo: *yawns* I'll remember that now.
Manic: *whispers to Amy* He still calls me "Broccoli". I don't think he'll remember our names.
Amy: *shrugs* Guess not.

"Well, I guess I'll go home now... so I'll see you tomorrow, if that's all right."

"Hey, everything's okay when you're with me." she said and smiled again, another one of her "pretty smiles".

Keiko: Is there any such thing as a pretty smile?
Sonia: At least it's in quotations, so that's a little bit of a plus.
Amy: Hey, why can't he guide her home? I mean, she was attacked after leaving her work place before, right?
Everyone else: Sue Plot Device!
Kyo: Criminy, Piko!

And that prevailing crush on her own master seemed to take control of her almost every single day... but she always shoved it off and thankfully, Keiko doesn't know... yet.

Sonic: Too bad, we do!
Emi: Instead of Master Kyo, may we offer you one of his clones, old me? How about Kusanagi? He's extremely psychotic, and for some reason, he's sexy to some ladies!
Benimaru: Call me when he manages to charm all of the ladies.

Yes, it was another late evening as Emi noticed that it was time to close up shop for the night. The hour of eleven held a beautiful starlit sky when the Tsuki heiress looked into it. If she managed to hurry home, she could get a good view from her bedroom window. And besides, simple things like a starlit sky could do wonders... but she wanted to share this moment with Kyo, and she found it rather foolish. She didn't even want to express the deep feelings that she had for him, ever since he saved her from hell, and now he's teaching her to use it to her fullest extent.

Sonic, Kyo: *snores*
Amy, Emi: *nudges Sonic and Kyo respectively*
Sonia: Dear heavens, they're like two peas in a pod.

As she ran through Osaka's streets, she sensed a very disturbing aura, but decided that it was best for her to keep going.

Manic: The Sue Psychic Link. Operators are standing by to take your call...

'This aura... it feels so familiar...'

Keiko: Yes, as if we weren't told this stuff one sentence ago!

And that's when she noticed a fist that nearly made contact with her.

Benimaru: Her what? We must know!

'Oh no...' she thought as she grabbed ahold of the assailant's arm, nearly breaking it before she tried her best to throw him down in front of her.

Amy: Does this guy have the bones of a chicken or something?

"Hah... you dumb fuck... you just don't know when to quit, do you?"

Emi: *cringes* My speech... I don't speak like that! Who is inhabiting my body?
Kyo: An "edgy" fifteen or sixteen year old. *sarcastically* Why the fuck are you so surprised?
Emi: *sighs*

she said as she dodged some knife slashes, but during her defense, she had cuts to her arms and had suffered a nasty blow to her stomach.

Sonic: But "Plot Device Theater" won't stop her! No, sir! She will give it her hypothetical all!

"All right! Form 101: Oboro Guruma! (Twilight Wheel!)" she cried as she gave three diagonal kicks to her assailant in the air.

Sonia: And then the neighbors told her to shut up out there. Blasted screeching delinquents.

After she had landed gracefully to the ground, she had noticed that she wasn't finished just yet...

"Bring it on!" she yelled as she launched a strong kick... but missed.

Keiko: *gets up* And then she died. Fic's over!
Kyo: *gets up* Whew, that was a good special! What do you want for lunch, Tsukino?
Benimaru: Don't try to slink out of here, you two.
Kyo, Keiko: *grumbles, sits back down*

"Ah, shit..."

Kyo: Well, this story's sh--
Everyone else: Shut up, Kyo!

the young heiress whispered as she was grabbed from behind, but she wouldn't be restrained for long... and that's when her fists began to glow with flames, giving her assailant a warning sign to never touch her again.

Manic: Because she's saving her hard "Grrrl Powah!" for somebody else! Somebody painfully obvious!

"That's right, I have controlled my flames, and you're in for a little taste of Hell." she said as her right fist began to glow with flames.

Amy: So... they glowed again? Huh?
Emi: The logic is like the plot... you can't find it, Miss Rose.

"You're charcoal, pal! I now give you Hidden Form 108: Orochi Nagi! (Great Serpent Mow Down!)" she cried as she released a powerful flame that had surrounded the assailant's body, then they quickly died out as soon as his unconsious body had made contact with the ground.

Sonic: By the time she said that last word, he should've either blocked or hailed a cab to the next city.
Kyo: *making a sandwich* See, this is why my clan doesn't call out our moves like that. You want half of this, Tsukino?
Keiko: Yeah, sure. Thanks, Kusanagi.
Kyo: Yep.

Emi kneeled down and did her best to regain herself, since she was exhausted from that fight.

Keiko: Man, she's got some crappy stamina. The fight lasted, what, twenty seconds?
Sonic: No, twenty milliseconds.

'All right...' she thought as she finally got up and began to walk home, stepping over the body before continuing on her way... but then she heard something... somebody running...

Benimaru: That person's trying to find the fic's exit! We have to help him or her!

'Huh...?' is what the heiress thought, but now she had to think fast, because she had heard a deadly and vicious cry...

Manic: Like, "It's Jessie Baxter from the Anti-Sue and Stu Gallery!"

"Form 212: Koto Tsuki You! (Koto Moon Positive!)"

'Oh shit, shit, shit! It's that rushing grab move!'

Amy: Uh... did she have lunch with Kaori or something?
Everyone else: Don't. Remind. Us.
Emi: That's odd that you brought that up, Miss Rose... because weren't you the first person to leave that fic?
Amy: *groans* And it comes back full circle...!

she thought as she used the last of her energy to perform a backflip, dodging the deadly attack. She immediately thought that she was safe, until she was grabbed by her neck and painfully pushed to the nearest brick wall.

Sonia: Ouch. Shouldn't she have a broken skull or something?
Kyo: *pulls a chart out of his back pocket* Funny that you asked that, Keyboard Girl, because I now have the anatomy of a Sue. See, the skeleton's made of something odd and metallic... so broken bones don't seem to exist at all.
Sonia: Yeah... where did you get that?
Kyo: Your brother taught me how to use that Hammerspace. Thanks, Broccoli.
Manic: No problem, man.

"Oh my god! Please don't kill me, I don't even know you!" she cried as blood seeped from the corners of her mouth, and tears flowed from her eyes.

Benimaru: How many blood packs does she have?
Sonic: And I'd like to know she can have so many tears. Girl cries harder than Joan/Erin.
Benimaru: Who's that?
Sonic: Oh, you don't want to know about her, either.

"Huh... your master has trained you quite well... but you won't be so lucky against me, pathetic girl." came a dark voice as her neck was released, but she was too frozen to even make a move, since she had made contact with a pair of blood red eyes.

"Who... are you...?" she said in a barely audible whisper.

Amy: Holy crap, it's Dusk!
Sonic, Sonia, Manic: *screams*
Kyo, Benimaru, Emi, Keiko: Who?
Sonic, Sonia, Manic, Amy: You don't want to know!

"I'll tell you that when we will meet again..."

Then the young heiress was released... right after a sneaky kiss was planted on her lips.

Keiko: Hooray, the Sue has a stalker. I feel like I'm reading "Twilight".
Emi: Well, just hope that this won't be romantic, little sister.
Keiko: It better not be, or I will cut the author.
Emi: Um... you do know that she created us, right?
Keiko: I don't care.

'What the...' she thought as she headed home while the moment kept replaying inside of her mind.

Kyo: What? She's not planning to beat the tar out of him or anything like that?
Sonia: Why not? Sneaky kisses are sexy!
Amy: Did he even disappear or anything?
Benimaru: Uh... hell if I know. Besides, we don't have time for any of that stuff that you smarties call "details"; we want that lemony chapter!
Kyo: *stares at Benimaru* You... you're getting a little too enthusiastic with that, Beni. I think Broccoli's warping you.

'What was that about...? Oh well, that doesn't really matter...

Sonic: It doesn't matter? What the hell are you on?!

but if he has to lay another finger on me, I swear... he will feel my Kusanagi flames...'

Emi: No, he won't.
Manic: You're all talk, Sue.
Amy: Um... I thought she had her own flames, and in this sentence, she has Kusanagi flames...
Sonic: Screw the logic, Ames.

~Chapter Four: Mending A Girl's Broken Heart~

Manic: Oh, I know how we can do that; we just get that stuff that Billy Mays used to advertise. What was it called again?
Benimaru: Don't say it! We can't afford advertisements!

After her long day at school, Emi ran through the streets and different neighborhoods, never stopping for a drink or an extra burst of air... until she stopped at Kyo's house... in tears that were streaming down her face. Before she even managed to ring the doorbell, the door opened, revealing her master in the usual school uniform that he always had on.

Amy: Wait, wait, wait, hold on here.
Keiko: So... this girl tires out in twenty seconds from a battle, but she can run like hell to his house without stopping?
Sonia: And doesn't school end somewhere in the evening in Japan?
Kyo: Logic ain't here; quit trying, ladies.

"Miss Emi... what's wrong?" he asked with heavy concern in his voice as he let her inside.

Sonia: *raises an eyebrow* When did you get so proper, Kyo?
Kyo: I don't know, but it's making me feel odd.

"My...my..." she said in between choking sobs while trying to catch her breath at the same time.

Benimaru: I swear, those must be the only bodily functions that this Sue has. All she does is bleed and cry.
Emi: I'm surprised that my old self's not dehydrated yet.

"I think you should lie down for a bit..." the Kusanagi heir whispered as he guided her to the guest room, then the two sat on the edge of the bed.

"My... boyfriend left me for another girl..."

Manic: And the next act of "Plot Device Theater" begins! Here, we have--
Sonic: I think we know what's coming, bro. Thank you.

"Damn..." he mumbled as he took her into his arms.

"And... he's been seeing her while he was seeing me..."

"Okay... what's the dumb fuck's name?"

Kyo: Pfft, do I really speak like that?
Benimaru: *sarcastically* No, you bastard.

"Kai Ainomi... he's the brother of my teammate, Julia."

Sonia: Ladies and gentlemen, we have... people that you will never hear about again.
Sonic: Is that even a surname?
Keiko: Of course... if you're in Fake Japan Land.

"And who's the girl?"

Amy: Here's the wind up... and the pitch...

"Um... I think her name is Yuki... that girl with the short brown hair... I think she's your girlfriend, Master Kyo."

Amy: Home run!
Emi: Okay, let's pretend that this model ship that I have is a canon pairing. Just for this fic, let's call this ship... The Titanic!

"Hell, not anymore. She can just piss off for all I care." Kyo said with venom in his voice, causing the Tsuki heiress to look into his eyes.

"Why was I so stupid to fall in love..."

Sonic: Eeeemoooo...
Keiko: Down the road, "sis".

"Don't say that... you'll never know when you'll find the right guy. He could be right in front of your face..."

All: *coughsueplotpointcough*

"Huh...?" she whispered as he lightly smiled, then kissed her forehead.

"I just said that he could be right in front of your face."

"Oh..." she said, then she began to yawn after a light laugh.

Manic: Okay, let's recap the romantic connection that "Kyo" and "Emi" have so far.
Benimaru: Like Bella and Edward... none whatsoever?
Manic: You have just won a new car, my friend!

"I don't think you want to go home with that crazy ass sister of yours after what you've just been through... so... I guess spending the night here won't be that bad... if that's okay with you." the Kusanagi heir said after he released her.

Kyo: "If". Tch, yeah. Anything to earn more sexy time with "Master Kyo".

"Sure... but I don't know why you're the only guy that my mom allows me to spend the night with..." she whispered before he left the room.

All: *coughsueplotpointcough*

'Oh, there's a perfectly good explanation for that, Miss Emi...' he thought as he left her to rest. As he headed for his motorcyle, his fists burned with pain and rage.

'Why, Yuki? Why did you hurt me...?'

Kyo: Because it was convenient! Forget the infamous "I will wait for you!" line! No, she's just that freakin' horny to bang a Mary Sue's random boyfriend!
Amy: Okay... who's calming him down?
Manic: Not me. Dude's got fire.
Sonia: I will.
Everyone else except Kyo: *stares at Sonia*
Sonia: Oh, stop staring at me.
Manic: *in a singsong voice* Somebody wants sexy time...
Sonia: *hits Manic's arm*
Manic: *rubs his arm* Jeez, sis!

He let out a heavy sigh before he revved his motorcycle and left for Emi's house. After cursing the traffic lights, the heavy traffic... and the dumb drivers that were in it, he reached his destination. He slowly got off and walked towards the house, waiting for someone to come...

Sonic: *sarcastically* Ey, Kyo. It said 'come'.
Kyo: *sarcastically* Heh. Crazy, Sonic.

Instead, a small samurai sword landed in front of him, barely missing his foot. He immediately knew who it was.

Keiko: The Mysterious Assassin of Sues, Stus, and Badfic?
Everyone else: Trademark.

"Tsuki-sama! What the hell in fuck's name is wrong with you?!" he yelled as she came outside.

Keiko: Damn. It's "me".

"Where's my sister?!"

Manic: Keiko Smash!
Keiko: *groans*

"Okay, Godzilla... she's with me."

"I don't think so!"

"Well, she thinks so... that's why she's not with your psycho ass. And besides, if she told you, you'd go on a killing spree. What she's going through is for the mentally sane to hear!"

Benimaru: *as a neighbor* Hey, shut up out there! Some of us have to work, you know!
Kyo: *as himself* You want some too, old man?!

"Fuck you, Kusanagi-baka." Keiko mumbled, then went inside. After a few minutes, she came outside with a small backpack.

Emi: Worst. Retort. Ever!

"Tsuki... what's that?"

"This has Emi's clothes and stuff... she wants to spend the night with you, so..." she said, then tossed the bag to Kyo.

"Hey, thanks."

"No problem... but why the hell did 'destiny' have to make you two go together? I swear, that's like putting cookies with orange juice." the younger heiress said as she walked to her small sword, pucked it out of the ground, and placed it back into the holder.

Sonia: Hey, it's just like this fic and logic!

"Oh well... you can't change the past or tinker with the present... so do me a favor... and see that she gets a good future." she said as he smiled.

Sonic: What is this, "Sonic CD"? Wha... what the hell am I reading here? Seriously!
Manic: *eating a few cheese cubes* You're right, bro... this is delicious cheese.

"I'll do what I can, Tsuki-sama." the Kusanagi heir said as he headed for his motorcycle.

"Yes... try your hardest... but that doesn't mean that I can't be bitchy around you!"

"Well... fuck you too. See ya." he said as she laughed and sped off.

All except Kyo: *flatly* What.
Kyo: *presses two of his fingers to his head, imitates a gunshot sound*

'Kyo... Emi... I wish you two the best of luck.' she thought as she went inside to continue her training.

Keiko: Yes, yes, we got it already! Can't we just get to the pl... darn. Forgot we didn't have one.
Benimaru: At this rate, I'm starting to wonder where this fic's rendition of the meadow scene is.
Kyo: I don't want to know. And if there is one, I better not sparkle.

After a few hours, Emi was sitting with her best friend, Miyuki Kumebara, and they were talking about the events that had happened at school today, until Kyo came into the room, holding the bag that had contained the young girl's belongings.

"Hey, Emi... who's this girl?"

Amy: Some fanbrat before she was retooled.

"Oh, this is my best friend, Miyuki Kumebara." she said and looked at the sporty girl who was all starry-eyed.

"Emi... you weren't lying when you said that you know the legendary Kusanagi Kyo... he looks a helluva lot better in person!" she squealed and ran towards him, holding his left arm.

"Hello..." she whispered, sounding like some sort of fangirl.

Sonia: Why is she starting to remind me of--
Everyone else: *in a bored tone* Barb. We know.

"Um... Emi... can you get your clingy friend off of me?"

"Hey, what's that supposed to mean?" Miyuki said as she looked at Kyo.

Sonic: Uh... it's exactly what it means, you horny git.

"Listen, um... what was your name again?"

"Miyuki."

"Okay... Miyuki. We're off to a bad start, so if you know what's best for you, you might as well let me go now."

Benimaru: Huh. No wonder some people don't like your personality in XIII, Kyo.
Kyo: *grumbles* Ash Crimson...
Benimaru: *snickers*

"Ah, sorry." she said and did what she was told.

"That's okay. At least you're not like those other crazy clingy fangirl bitches. Emi, you have good taste when it comes to your friends."

Emi: Is anyone else laughing at that horribly false quote?
Manic: We all are.

"Thanks." the Tsuki heiress said, blushing a bit. Unfortunately, Miyuki noticed and she smiled.

"Ah, so you like your master, huh...?"

"Miyuki!"

Keiko: Ah, it was true from the get go. Shut up.

"Ah well. The cute guys always go for the pretty girls rather than the sporty girls anyway. Damn it, I play just about any sport that you can name, and--"

Sonic: ...nobody cares.

"You have a heck of a lot more testosterone than me." Kyo said, trying to hold his laughter.

Kyo: Ah, this is hilarious... somebody please shoot me in the crotch.

"Okay... Kusanagi-san... you're going to get a little taste of my Speed Drill if you don't shut that smart mouth of yours."

Amy: Lovely empty threat that you have there. Care to do another?

"Don't mind him, Miyuki. He likes to poke fun at people that don't drive him nuts." Emi quickly said, covering his mouth with her hand.

Sonia: Unfortunately, almost everyone drives him nuts. Guy takes antisocial to a brand new level.

"Fine... but I have to leave for Softball practice now, so I'll see ya later."

"Bye." the young heiress said as she still had her hand over her master's mouth, watching her best friend leave before she finally lifted her hand.

"Damn, Emi! You really wanted me to shut up, huh?" he said as she laughed and relaxed on the bed, then after a while, he joined her, taking her into his arms again.

"Yes." she said as he grinned and pinned her down, looking into her dark eyes.

Benimaru: Uh... that means that she's dead, right?
Keiko: That's actually a good thought, Nikaido.

"Now it's your turn to shut up..." the Kusanagi heir whispered before he leaned down to kiss his soon-to-be girlfriend.

Sonic: Uh... yeah. Well.
Manic: I think she's all better now!

Emi lightly moaned, then returned the kiss, giving the same passion that she had received. After she pulled away from it, she lightly panted and looked into his eyes.

Emi: This is as romantic as moldy food.

"What... was that about...?"

"You're destined to be with me."

"What...? Why...?"

Sonia: *facepalms* I don't get this. How does he know that they're meant to be together? And he whined about Yuki hurting him earlier!
Amy: Good question, Sonia! And to demonstrate the answer to said question, I have this red string!
Kyo: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hang on, Piko! I--
*Amy ignores Kyo's protests and uses the string to tie his right arm together with Emi's left arm.*
Amy: I didn't cut off your circulation, did I?
Kyo, Emi: No.
Amy: Goody. I've now demonstrated the "Strangling of the Red String of Fate". Thank you.
Emi: Uh... huh.
Kyo: *gritting his teeth* Hah... cute, Piko. Now get this crap off of me.

Before he could even explain it, Miyuki came back into the room, causing both of them to jump and act like nothing has ever happened between them.

Sonic: And then something... more happens a little later, blah, blah, blah.

"Oh, please. I've seen the way that you two were acting around each other anyway. I apologize, but I forgot my Varsity jacket... it's a little chilly out there." the sporty girl said before she picked it up and left.

Manic: And wait until--
Benimaru: *laughing* Not yet, Manic. I know you're eager to riff on that and all, but... not yet.
Amy: Huh... do Varsity jackets exist in Japan?
Keiko: Not really. *deadpan* But still, I love it when my country's infested with Americanisms. Such joy is at hand.

"Um... I don't want to be rude... but I feel like taking a nap."

Sonia: *as Emi* With you. And I think it's going to be a long nap.

"You want to sleep... before you eat?"

"Huh?"

All: He said, "You want to sleep before you eat?"!

"I brought some food on the way back, and--"

"Thank you!" the Tsuki heiress called as she ran out of the room.

'Miss Emi... is my true love... and I have to be the one to protect her... even if I have to sacrifice my own life to do this.'

Kyo: *making retching sounds*
Everyone else: *groans*
Benimaru: Uh... are you okay, Kyo?
Kyo: Yes. I'm only hawking up something that happens to be called "supreme failure"!

--

Continue to Part Four
Go Back to Part Two
Go Back to Sellouts Page
Go Back to Episode List
Go Back to Main MST 'EM Page