Mystery Science Theater En Masse

Special Episode 8: Miles "Tails" Prower (Part Four)

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Sonic: Okay, Sonia kicked Manic out. Now, Rory...
Rory: Yes?
Sonic: Are you ready to tackle this part with us?
Rory: Nope.
Tails: Neither are we. By the way, did you have to do any Extreme Gear work?
Rory: Nope.
Tails: *breathes a sigh of relief* Thank goodness.

Note: Tails actually uses his swords today.

Amy: You mean to tell us that he wasn't using them before?
Akiko: Was he just using the dull side like Kei does when she doesn't want to hurt us?

And, by that, I mean he slices and dices. Um... just see for yourself...

Rory: Well, he sliced and diced his canon personality up. What's next?
Sonic: That robo, obviously.

Chapter 9: Eggman's Triceratops-Robo!!

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Tails was the most serious he's ever been so far in all the fights he's been through so far.

Tomoko: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever.
Miyuki: He was serious then, now he was really serious.

Tails was ready and so was Eggman, but the voice contacted Tails again.

"So far Tails, you've only used the weapons' ability to just hurt your enemies.

Tails: *as the voice* And somewhat horribly, I might add.

But, that makes since , since you just wanted to prove to your so-called "friends" that you're not to be underestimate.

Tomoko: Oh, shut up, will ya? And take a damn grammar lesson while you're at it.

You've yet to use the weapons' "sharpen" abilities, or to be able to slice and dice things.

Akiko: Some mystic sword this is. Pretty sure that it wouldn't use words like that.
Sonia: This proves that a character's speech patterns reflect a person's writing ability.
Akiko: Yeah, I know. It does get boring when everyone sounds the same.

Since Eggman obviously wants to destroy you, using the dull ability won't be a good idea. You'll have to use the sharp abilities, sorry.

Sonic: What're you apologizing for? Are you trying to sound merficul, you wonderful sword who warped my best buddy into your mind slave?

Besides, that way you'll be able to trash one of Eggman's robot weapons." suggested the voice

"Yes, I realize that, I'm prepared to trash this stupid robot with these weapons" announced Tails

Rory: You wanna say that a third time? Y'know, for the folks in the nosebleed section?
Amy: I think I'm about to have a nosebleed of rage.
Rory: Pretty sure that's an aneurysm or something, Amy.

"Very good. Do not worry, the weapons' sharpen abilities have activated. And, like always, the weapons' power is almost done flowing throughout your body." informed the voice.

Tails was used to the voice's strange remarks by now, so Tails was able to easily shrug off the voice's last comment. Time for a serious fight!!

Akiko: Stop lying to us.

Que: "Tension Rising" (Kingdom Hearts 2)

Rory: Wait, what? Are you serious?
Everyone else: Yes.
Rory: Wow. That's... weird.

The triceratops-robo came after Tails and tried to kick him with its front feet, but Tails easily jumped sidestepped to the right and started to slash the crap out of the robot's right side with intense ground duel slashing combos.

Everyone except Rory and Tomoko: Double drink!
Tomoko: Nineteen. *takes two shots*
Rory: Wait, what?
Tails: Every fight scene is the same, Rory. Every time that "duel slashing combos" is used, Tomoko takes two shots. Any general use of the word "combo" gets one shot.
Rory: She's gonna be drunker than Jessie.
Tomoko: I only have one bottle right now, Hancock. It's probably gonna be empty before this fic ends.

Well... at least the voice was right, because Tails was tearing up the robot's right side. Eggman couldn't believe it.

"What?! My triceratops-robo is already taking critical damage to its right side?! But how?! Tails isn't supposed to be that strong... even WITH those weapons!!" thought Eggman

Miyuki: He's a Gary Stu. He's going to be overpowered.

The triceratops-robo quickly jumped backwards

Sonia: It jumped? Look, I know that it's an Eggman robot, but I heavily doubt that something like that could actually jump.
Sonic: It's Eggman. He's done a lotta stuff, sis.

to stop Tails' combos, but it was already damaged with electrical damage on its right side.

Amy: *bored* We know.
Tomoko: I didn't come here to be treated like a damn moron, fic.

Eggman saw Tails, and couldn't believe how serious he looked.

Sonia: I'm seriously going to pass out from boredom here.

The triceratops-robo quickly dashed towards Tails and tried to strike him with his horn, but Tails just easily moved out of the way. The robot tried multiple stab attempts with its horn, but Tails kept easily dodging the horn when it came toward him. Eventually, Tails

Rory: ...aimed for the horn!
Tails: *facepalms* Still... that cheesy line hurt a lot less than this fight scene.

actually was able to block one of the robots horn attacks and hold him back!! Tails slashed the robot on its horn with his X cross slash, forcing the robot back a couple of feet.

Akiko: *bored* Wow, another "X cross slash". Whoo.
Miyuki: I'd rather watch a movie on cell mitosis.
Akiko: That sounds great. Learning's more exciting than reading this.

Then, Tails started flying and dashed toward the robot. The robot couldn't react, and Tails did intense aerial duel slashing combos,

Everyone except Tomoko: Double drink!
Tomoko: Twenty-one. *takes two shots*

Tails also through in some of his creative combos as well.

Tomoko: Explanations? Nah, we don't need that.

But, Tails was slashing the pod that Eggman was in!! Eggman was just speechless. Tails was causing major mechanical problems with Eggman's control pod.

"No!! Unbelievable!!" shouted Eggman. The triceratops-robo then jumped high into the air, Tails landed and saw that the robot was trying to crush him!!

Sonia: Oh, I wish that would happen.
Sonic: If this was written by someone with talent, that would happen.

But, Tails kept his cool and just flew backwards to dodge the huge body slam. Tails noticed that a shockwave was coming toward him as well, but Tails just flew into the air to dodge the shockwave. The triceratops-robo then seemed to come out of nowhere as it tried to attack Tails with its horn again, but Tails just moved out of the way again, and did more intense aerial duel slashing combo.

Everyone except Tomoko: Double drink!
Tomoko: Twenty-three. *takes two shots* This is getting ridiculous.

Then, Tails hit the robot into the air with an underhanded, backward, slash with his right weapon. Tails extended, and, somehow, intensified his blades and dashed toward the triceratops robot as fast as he could. Then, Tails slashed the triceratops-robo in half, horizontally at its stomach. Tails slashed it in half, and was above the robot. The robot fell to the ground and exploded!! That was it! Tails beat Eggman and his stupid tricerotops-robo!!

Akiko: And once he turned into a tinier Megazord, this stupid fight ended!
Amy: Hold on, he slashed it in half, then slashed it in half again? So... it's in quarters? I don't get any of this.

End Music

Eggman was able to escape his robot, but couldn't escape the explosion, causing Eggman not only to lose his green chaos emerald, but also to be blown far away!!

"You'll pay for this fox boy!!" declared Eggman as he was blown away.

Rory: He won't, because he's a Stu.

Tails just shrugged, walked up to the green chaos emerald, and put it in his backpack.

"I'll take this" decided Tails.

Tails had four chaos emeralds now, he was more than half way done!! But... things still wouldn't get any better.

Sonic: Of course they wouldn't!
Miyuki: Yeah, he's out of character, he's a giant jerk, he has more Chaos Emeralds than everyone else right now... yeah, nothing will go wrong at all.

To be continued...

P.S.: Geez!!! Okay... Tails kicks ass now... OO;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

Amy: Yeah, I wonder who wrote him like that. Let me struggle to figure that out.

Note: Poor Tails... no more friends, and he seems to be alone.

Rory: Yeah? So what?
Tails: It's not "my" fault. Fic says so.

I don't know what to put anymore, so here...

Chapter 10: Chaotix Interference!!

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Besides Tails being able to beat the crap out of Eggman's triceratops-robo, it was still a pretty hard and intense battle,

Akiko: *bored* Why're you lying to us?

Tails was tired out. So, he went home, instantly fell on his bed and fell asleep.

Sonia: Yeah, sleeping will be a lot better.
Sonic: *asleep*
Amy: *nudges Sonic* Hey, wake up.

The next morning...

Tails woke up after good nights sleep and felt much better.

Tomoko: I sure as hell don't feel any better.

Tails stretched some and went outside. It must have been early, because the sun was only half way done rising.

Tails: *writes* And then Miyuki flung Tails into the Sun.
Miyuki: I dunno, I think Tomoko has more throwing power.
Tomoko: Nah, that's still you, Fujiwara. I only have chain assistance. Now, if you wanna make a slingshot with him, I can do that.

Tails tried to take this time to relax outside his house. Tails did, but it ended up not being for very long.

Tails was thinking to himself as well.

Amy: Wait, he can think?
Sonia: He can think selfishly, yes.

"Only three more emeralds to go. But, they aren't going to be easy to obtain, that's for sure.

Akiko: Is he in the same fic that we've been reading? He's grabbed those things with no effort!

Plus, I still have to inevitably deal with Shadow. And, of course, Sonic.

Sonic: *mutters* Our hero. Gotta beat up his best friend.

I have to start getting serious and stay serious if I hope to keep this up.

Rory: Seriously serious. Like Serious Sam serious.

But, I won't allow myself to be beaten. At least not without a fight." realized Tails

Tomoko: After all the one-sided fights we've read, you really think that he's gonna struggle now? Yeah, right. This ain't suspense, this is bullshit.

About half an hour later, Tails saw an alligator, a bee, and a chameleon coming toward him. It was Vector, Charmy, and Espio, also known as Chaotix.

"Great. What do THEY want?" wondered Tails.

Rory: They want you to go back into character, pronto!
Amy: Not happening. Now have another bad fight scene.

He wouldn't wonder long, though. Tails went to them instead, going down the steps in front of his workshop and house, going down the cliff.

"Can I help you?" asked Tails with a serious look in his eyes

"Geez, calm down. We come here, and you're already tense." remarked Espio

Akiko: And the Chaotix are going to be the bad guys... why?
Sonia: Because this fic said so. That's got to be the line for every bad fic like this.

"Yeah, we just came here to talk, all right?" asked Vector

"Talk about what?" asked Tails

"One of your friends told us you were acting weird, and they wanted up to look into. Plus, we wanted to see it for ourselves." informed Charmy.

Tails was shocked, speechless, and wide-eyed at what Charmy said, then he snapped

"Who?! Who said that to you?!" demanded Tails.

Tomoko: Holy shit, Not-Prower. You're really sounding like a damn crack addict. Oh, well. I can do my own version of rehab.
Rory: Pretty sure that rehab doesn't involve beating the tar outta someone...
Tomoko: With that fake fox, that'll be rehab.

Vector put his hands in front of him to halt Tails and informed

"Whoa. We can't tell you that. Client privacy, you know."

"Whatever" remarked Tails

Tails: *sarcastically* How edgy.

"Oh yeah, you're definitely acting strange. So, what's up?" asked Espio.

Tails calmed down,

Sonia: An impossible feat with this jerk.

and tried to explain to Chaotix that he's been underestimated

Miyuki: Oh, shut up. Shut the hell up. Shut the hell up with this "he's been underestimated" garbage. No wonder Manic wanted to get away from this crap.
Sonic: I think I need a very long vacation when we're done here. Wait, hold on. Since Manic lost his mind first, does that make this fic an automatic "Epic Failure"?
Everyone else: *silent*
Sonia: ...yes, it does.
Rory: Someone did it all wrong.

by his own friends to much and how he shouldn't have to hand over the chaos emeralds he's collected to Sonic or Knuckles, or anyone else for that matter, because he can protect them himself.

Tomoko: Your explanation sucks ass, Not-Prower.

Tails also told them about his new weapon, he even showed it to them, and said how the "voice" of the weapon's power was helping his confidence, and maybe even helping him get stronger. Maybe he shouldn't have said that...

Amy: You dingus!
Tails: I know that I have a tendency to ramble... but this fic's making me ten times dumber than usual...
Akiko: Huh.... hey, wait! I can't believe that it took me this long to figure it out! It's like he's being possessed by a bootleg version of Soul Edge. Not-Prower's got Not-Soul Edge!
Sonia: Soul Edge?
Akiko: It's an evil sword that warps the user's mind. And then the user kills random people and harvests their souls with it.
Sonia: I don't think he'd go that far, Akiko.
Akiko: Are you sure about that? Like, super sure?
Sonia: You... never mind, you have a point.

"That's... an interesting story" commented Espio

"It sounds to me that your weapon is what is changing you" informed Vector.

Tails was shocked again, he knew there this was going.

"Yeah! Get rid of that weapon Tails, it's hurting you not helping you" suggested Charmy.

Rory: Seriously, everyone's staging like... an intervention, and this fic is making the concerned folks look like the bad guys! Why am I supposed to like this fic again?
Amy: Because Tails isn't supposed to be underestimated ever again.
Rory: That... doesn't really answer my question.
Amy: Too bad, that's the only answer you're getting from this thing.

Tails said nothing

"Besides, Sonic and Knuckles really are the only ones who should have and carry the chaos emeralds" claimed Vector

Sonia: And now we're throwing someone out of character to make Tails the Stu look better. Great writing.

"Come on Tails, just hand them over. The weapon and the emeralds. Nice and easy." ordered Espio

Tails got furious.

"Screw... you..." growled Tails.

Sonic: *sarcastically* Our hero, ladies and gentlemen!

Chaotix was shocked and just watched as Tails got out his weapons and got in his new and interesting fighting stance,

Miyuki: Holy crap, I think I'm gonna drink myself to death with this character shilling.
Tomoko: You are? Who's drinking over here?

that was the same as before, but Chaotix was seeing it for the first time.

Miyuki: Then it wasn't new at all!

"Fine. Guess we'll do this the hard way then" announced Vector as Chaotix got in their fighting stances as well, with Espio taking out two of his shuriken's as well.

Three on one is unfair.

Sonia: So... we're going to whine on how stuff is unfair to Tails the Stu. *scoffs* Blow it out of your ass.
Rory: Well, it is three on three. Chaotix are three, and Tails and his two broken anime swords are three. There. I win. *smugly folds his arms* Pay me.

Plus, Chaotix wasn't just for show, each of them had their individual strengths. Tails would have to find a way to exploit their weaknesses, and defeat all three members of Chaotix at the same time with no help whatsoever. Can Tails do it? Let's hope so...

Tomoko: I hope that they beat the piss out of that little brat, but that's not gonna happen.
Sonic: He's a kid... I think.
Tomoko: *points at Tails* He's a kid. *points at the screen* That's a pissy little seventeen year old in a small fursuit.

To be continued...

P.S.: Chaotix will never change, will they? ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

Akiko: Yeah, how dare they do their jobs!
Rory: The nerve of 'em!

Note: If you guys know what I'm talking about... this chapter is unbelievably Naruto-esque.

All: *silent*
Rory: *tries not to snicker*
Tomoko: Holy fucking shit.
Amy: We really are in the edgy dork timeline.

But, don't worry, it's probably a one-time thing only. Besides, it's because of Espio ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

Sonia: Yes, because we needed to compare Espio to Naruto. Oh, dear heavens.

Chapter 11: 3 on 1! Tails vs Chaotix!!

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Tails wasn't sure how he'd beat all three members of Chaotix at the same time when he was all by himself,

Miyuki: *rolls her eyes* Whatever. Just get to the crappy battle.

but he wouldn't allow himself to lose and lose his hard earned chaos emeralds and his weapons that have helped him gain confidence in his own abilities.

"Chaotix are fools." started the voice as it was talking to Tails "You're the chosen one for this weapons. No one else can have it, or even hold it for that matter.

Tails: They don't even know that they aren't the "chosen ones" at all! You know, you're really dumb for some "all-seeing sword".

Three on one may be unfair, but show Chaotix what you're made of." suggested the voice. Tails would do just that.

Que: "Team Chaotix" (Sonic Heroes)

Espio automatically threw his shuriken's at Tails, but Tails just easily swatted them aside by slashing them with his left weapon.

Akiko: *flatly* Yay.

"Hmph" grunted Espio

Espio disappeared, or rather, was invisible!

Sonic: *with a dunce cap on his head* Wow, what a surprise!
Amy: *takes Sonic's dunce cap and begins to fold it into a lily*

Tails quickly got serious. Charmy came after Tails and tried to sting him with her stinger,

Sonic, Sonia, Amy, Tails: Her?
Tails: Charmy's a boy.
Tomoko: Someone didn't care about what they were writing, huh?
Tails: Obviously.

but Tails just moved out of the way. Charmy tried multiple sting attempts, but Tails just moved out of the way when the attacks came near him. Eventually, Tails dodged another sting attempt and slashed Charmy with his right weapon and it hit her back horizontally, right to left. It forced Charmy forward and she hit the cliff behind Tails pretty hard. Charmy fell on the ground, and seemed like she couldn't get up. One down, two to go.

Rory: Yeah, yeah, yeah, just get to the combo slashing stuff.

All of a sudden, Tails backflip jumped into the air, and sensed that he dodged something under him. Tails quickly spinned counter-clockwise in mid-air and kicked Espio's face with his right foot. He kicked Espio so hard, it forced Espio to become visible again! Tails quickly reacted and slashed the crap out of Espio with duel slashing aerial combos,

Everyone except Tomoko: Double drink!
Tomoko: What was that number now? Twenty... three? No, twenty-five. *takes two shots*
Akiko: Are you going to get another bottle after that one runs out?
Tomoko: Probably.
Akiko: I'm... not sure that's a good idea...

which he ended it with his X cross slash and Espio hit the ground hard, bounced, and hit it again. Espio seemed to be done. Only one left.

Sonia: Are they made of glass?
Sonic: When you have broken anime weapons, everyone's made of glass.
Miyuki: I'm just surprised that nobody's actually bleeding.
Rory: I guess it's just a soft and squishy edge.

Vector could only watch in shock and in awe as his teammates were easily taken out like they were nothing. Vector was so tense, he was sweating, and he didn't even attack yet.

Amy: I don't think that Vector's that cowardly. Of course, everyone's going out of character to make the Stu look better.
Akiko: This is terrible. They were hired to check up on Not-Tails, and now they're getting punished for it!
Sonia: This is proof of terrible writing. Anyone with genuine intentions are seen as the bad guys.

Vector ran towards Tails and Tails just stood there, waiting for his attack. Vector tried to punch Tails with his right arm, but Tails easily moved out of the way. Then, Vector did something unexpected, he tried to chomp Tails with his teeth. But, Tails again just easily moved out of the way.

Sonia: That's not unexpected. It can't be "unexpected" if he dodged it easily. Also, Vector sometimes attacks with his jaws. Seriously, what is this?
Rory: Some bland fight scene where he slashes the crap outta people with intense duel slashing combos and X cross slashes.

Tails then backflip kicked Vector's chin, forcing Vector's head back and stunning him. Tails quickly did intense ground duel slashing combos,

Everyone except Tomoko: Double drink!
Tomoko: *takes two more shots* Twenty-nine... shit.

followed by intense aerial duel slashing combos

Everyone except Tomoko: What the heck?!
Miyuki: That fast?!
Tomoko: Thirty-one... damn it. *takes two more shots, inhales deeply* What is this hot bullshit, I swear to fuck...
Akiko: Oh, boy. Here we go.

after Tails hit him into the air with an underhand, backward, slash with his right weapon. Tails ended it with his X cross slash again, and the same thing happened. Vector hit the ground hard, bounced and hit it again. Vector slid and almost hit the cliff, but luckily friction stopped him before he did. Vector couldn't believe this. Tails just easily beat Chaotix!!

Akiko: And almost killed Vector, but hey! What a protagonist!

End Music

"Impossible!! How did you get so strong?!" remarked Vector.

Miyuki: Stu weapons. Seriously, do we have to do this every single time?

Tails said nothing as he walked back toward his workshop and house, but before he started climbing the stair, without even looking at Vector, Tails suggested

"I suggest you leave and tell you "client" that not only did you fail, but you got the crap beat out of you as well."

Tomoko: *mutters* Lemme at that little piss stain. I'll choke the crap out of him.
Tails: Uh, Tomoko?
Tomoko: *slurring* What?!
Tails: Haven't you had enough?
Tomoko: *slurring* I'll tell you when I've had enough, Real Per Hour.
Tails: Uh... *to Sonic* She's clearly had enough.
Sonic: At least she won't kill ya, buddy.

The only people who could probably do to Chaotix what Tails just did is Shadow and Sonic. Does that mean Tails is just as strong, maybe even stronger, then Shadow and Sonic?!

Sonia: Why are you trying to leave us in so-called suspense? Yes! Yes, he is! He has no development! He only has the assistance of those broken weapons and bad writing!

Who knows...

Rory: And who cares...

To be continued...

P.S.: I only have one thing to say: Whoa... OO;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

Amy: Whoa, hang ten, I'm gonna puke.
Akiko: You're gonna puke before Tomo-chan does?
Amy: I hope not.

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