Mystery Science Theater En Masse: The Movie

Super Special 1: A Cruel Angel's Thesis (Part Eleven)

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Note: Miyu, Rory, and Miyuki will be the main riffers for this chapter.

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Chapter 11 - Single Bed

"Defense! Keep your hands up!!"
Hotaru yelled as she dashed back to her position under the hoop. The sound of the ball dribbled on the newly paved courts echoed through the art school's campus. Ruka trotted backwards to his own position and called out to Shingo.
"Yo Shingo, don't be slackin' off because your final's over, man!  Get your ass over here!"
"I know, I know! Just shut up and worry about your own position!"
Shingo snapped back with a teasing smirk, but was barely standing. The May sun was beating down on him harshly as sweat streamed down his sharp chin.

Rory: So pointy that he could stab someone with it.
Miyuki: It's either that or he has Jay Leno's chin.

Raiya strolled casually as he smiled at the brief conversation between Ruka and Shingo, his hand dribbling the ball in a rhythmic pace. His eyes glittered as a wide grin creeped from the edge of his lips. Shingo bended down to catch a breath when he felt a breeze flow past him.
"Ack!?"

Miyu: Uh-oh, it looks like his fly's open.

Shingo scurried back to his position after Raiya, but just as he thought he was back in a position to decently defend, the ball was passed to Itsuki. By the time Shingo saw where the ball went, Raiya was already out of his range and recieving the ball again.
"You moron!"
Ruka exclaimed as he dashed to Raiya and assist Shingo, but before either of them got to him, Raiya shot the ball up into the air. The two boy's eyes widened in shock.
"Uh...a 3-pointer!?"
"Rebound!"
Hotaru yelled again from below the rim. Just as the ball was to hit the rim, a hand caught it in mid air and jammed it back in.

Rory: Uh, two things. Number one, this has more detail than the fight scene, and that confuses me. Number two... anyone wanna play some NBA Jam after this?
Jayleen: You have the ability to play basketball in my home with your friends, Hancock. Why would you prefer a video game?
Rory: ...because I want my 16-bit goodness.
Jayleen: Your logic absolutely baffles me.

"Kya!"
Trying to block the dunk but couldn't bear the impact, Hotaru fell to the ground. The hand that just made the dunk now reached to help her up.
"Are you OK?"
"Uh, yes...thank you, Benimaru san...."
Hotaru said as she pulled herself to her feet. Shingo rushed to her side furiously.
"Aargh! Hotaru chan daijoubu (are you OK)!? Benimaru san, how can you be so violent to a lady like that!?"
"Hey, calm down, it's only a game, right?

Miyu, Rory, Miyuki: Whaaaat?
Benimaru: That's... that's not me! Why would I casually brush off harming a lovely lady like that?!
Miyu: Because this fic happened, Mr. Nikaido.
Benimaru: I don't want this fic to happen any more.
Miyuki: Wait, so you don't bat an eye when Kyo's all wrecked in crap fics, but you start flailing the second you see yourself being thrown out of character?
Benimaru: Oh, he's used to that.
Kyo K.: No, I'm not, you jackass.

"That Shingo kid's acutally good..."
Fubuki observed from the side of the court. Shizuku nodded in agreement.
"His moves are a bit choppy but it's pretty remarkable that he's able keep up with the others. You may have a harder time in that fighting tournament that expected."
"I won't say anything about that....he seems to be doing fine with his team mates too, don't you think?"
"With Ruka and Hotaru? Seems so to me....and who's the blond guy? Pretty good looking...."
"Shizuku, do you ever give up? *sigh* He's Nikaidou Benimaru, Shingo said. I heard he's on TV once in a while. .....He's Kusanagi's team mate..."

Miyuki: Shizuku, I kinda like you. But you know the rule. You can't get a guy because you're not the Sue, remember?

"Ho! Another rival in the tournament, huh? Where's Kusanagi kun anyway? And Kira??"
"Kusanagi's taking his final exams right now. Shingo said the seniors take it today, you see. And Kira's doing her final project right now, too."
"You mean for that drawing class? Man, she's working herself up, isn't she?"
"Yeah...."

Rory: Working herself up for what?
Miyu: More canon warping, Rory.
Rory: Must be hard work.
Miyu: Mary Sues don't believe in hard work. You know that.
Rory: Oh. Right.

"DONE!"
Kira sighed as she leaned in the uncomfortable bench/eisle she has grown used to in the past semester.
"Good job!"
Hanging up ubruptly her PHS, a girl aswered from the window sill she was sitting on. Her extra-short wrap-around leather skirt exposed her thighs dangerously, though it seemed as if she didn't notice. Her long hair was an unnatural brown color, difinitely a dyed hue. Silvery pearl mesh frosted her eye lids and a dark brown lipgloss caked her thick lips. Beads of sweat rolled down her tanned skin, but she had no intentions of taking off her knee-high boots that was considered the latest fashion.

Miyuki: And remember, the Suethor hates Athena for being "girly", "cutesy", and "feminine". But it's okay if the Sue's friends wear anything like that.
Rory: *falls asleep*
Miyuki: My thoughts exactly.
Miyu: Oh, come on! *nudges Rory* Wake up, Rory!
Rory: *wakes up* Gah!
Miyu: *sweetly* Thank you for rejoining us.
Rory: I kinda didn't want to rejoin, actually. But thank you.

She peaked her lips a bit to act like she was pouting as she continued,
"Like, you're too concerned with other people's criticism, girl. That bitch said she didn't like your drawing because she was freaking jealous! And, nooo one can beat you in drawing. Even the teacher said it was perfectly fine. You didn't have to redo the whole thing ya know."

All: *facepalms*
Miyuki: Good lord, of course the first thing she says has to involve kissing the Sue's dumb ass. Man, this fic is garbage.
Miyu: Oh, you know the drill, Miss Fujiwara. Criticizing the Mary Sue in any way is considered a "bad" thing.
Miyuki: Well, yeah.
Rory: "She was freaking jealous", huh? Man, you can just smell the whiny '90s in this thing, huh?
Miyu: Just the '90s, Rory?
Rory: *scratches his head* Well... yeah, I know that that "argument" is used today, but still.

"Thanks, Aika, but I just can't back away from a fight, right?"

Rory: Even though every fight always ends in your favor, but hey! I guess I'm just using my silly logic brain again.

"Hmmm? Well, considering your personality....yeah. But anyway, you're done for the semester, girl! So, what do you wanna do now?"
The two girls shuffled through their purses and pulled out their tiny schedule book to see what was on their agenda. Nothing.

Miyuki: She's lying. Kira's got "bonk Iori" on her agenda.

"Well.....Let's go out tonight. I just found a great Italian restaurant in Akasaka* last weekend called Yellow Tomato*. And since you stayed with me after class 'til I finished, the dinner's on me. How about that?"

Rory: Emi, I think we have footnotes!
Emi: Yes, we do, Mr. Hancock. It says that Akasaka is a district in Tokyo which has restaurants and office buildings. Also, it says that there's an Italian restaurant called Red Tomato there. Maybe the Suethor didn't want to be sued for copyright infringement.
Miyuki: Eh. It's a restaurant, not Anne Rice. She's fine.

"Eh, maji (really)?? Cho~kangeki~(Super cool)! Then let's ask your friends to go with us too!"
"Uh, I think you mean Raiya to go with us, Aika?"
Kira teased as she thumbed for the address of the restaurant. The page landed on the "Y" section, and her eye spotted a familiar name. (I guess I haven't seen him in a while....)

Miyuki: "Y" section? "Familiar name"? And she "hasn't seen him in a while"? I knew it! "Operation: Bonk Yagami" is a go!

She peeled away her vision from the book and back to the overly cheerful Aika, bouncing around in the room with unknown thoughts about Raiya.

Miyu: Wow, this purple prose. She "peeled away her vision"? Aika's "bouncing around"?
Rory: Aika needs to stop chugging that coffee.

"Um, Aika? Actually, I think I have something else to do tonight....Let's do it tomorrow or something."
"Huh? You gotta be kidding! You're the one that just said 'let's go'!"
"Go.me.n! (I'm sorry) I'll make it up sometime....please?"
Kira clasped her hands in front of her face as she begged her classmate and friend. Aika stood in her unstable highheeled boots, arms crossed as she stuck out her chubby lips out again.
''....."
Kira finally shrugged and picked up her purse to leave the studio.

Miyu: Wow, some friend you are, Mary Sue. You'd put seeing a guy over hanging out with your friends?
Miyuki: They're not friends, they're groupies. Plus, she needs to use her magical Suegina.
Miyu: Miss Fujiwara!
Miyuki: What? It's true!

Before she disappeared through the doorway, she poked her head back into the room.
"Oh, Aika! Your favorite, Raiya kun is in the basketball courts playing a 3 on 3 match!"
"Maji!?  Where, where??"
Lightening up again, Aika rushed to the window and leaned out into the hot May air to look for the game.
"AH, there!"
She jumped a bit, still leaning outwards, and almost fell out, losing balance on her heels. Kira bearly could kill her giggles at the sight.

Rory: *sarcastically* Ah, women. Only thing that makes them feel better is a guy. That's all they're good for. To be satellites around guys. *narrows his eyes* And it's reminding me of that garbage fic with that garbage meat pile.

"Woah! Hey, Kira chan! That blond over there playing with them, is that Nikaidou sama!!?"
"Huh? Oh, Benimaru kun? Yeah..I guess you know him from TV..."
"KNOW him!? I was gonna make a doujinshi** about him with some friends! Wow, this is awesome!"

Emi: And I don't think I need to explain what doujinshi is... because some of us have visited Mr. James in the past.
Axl: Oh, come on! Don't pile up on me like that!

"......^_^; anyway, see ya later, Aika!"
It took Aika a while to realize that Kira had already left the room, leaving her marveling over Benimaru and Raiya for some time.

Miyuki: So, uh... does anyone else know how shallow this fic is?
Miyu: *as she pushes her glasses up* Well, it is a melodrama being disguised as a fic, so... yes.

The curtains were all pulled tightly together, but sunlight still manage to find a way to pour into the dense room. And even that faint light that splashed into his vision was a great nuiance of Iori.
"......."

Rory: ...
Miyu: Hmm?
Rory: I'm too busy brooding, Miyu. Talk to me later.
Miyu: *tries not to laugh* Darn it, Rory.

He sat still in the corner of his apartment room, pulling his knees tightly to his broad chest, and stared at the floor streaked with the scarlet sunset. The burning sun. Kyo. And besides Kyo, Kira. Just like the day before. Iori narrowed his thin eyes in disgust and shook his head violently to erase the vision that now plagued him. (I'm going mad...)

Miyuki: No, you're going OOC, but thanks for playing! Tell the audience what his consolation prize is, Jessie!
Jessie: *now wearing a red sequin gown* He's won... a night out with a Mary Sue goddess! Yes, this Mary Sue goddess can warp canon, replace characters, and melt your brain all in the span of ten minutes!
James: *mutters* What a crap prize. Bastard should've went with door number three.
Jessie: No kidding. He could've left with a Ferrari.

It wasn't the first time he thought of Kyo and burned with hate. He's done that all his life...at least, since he can remember. but thinking of his sworn enemy with Kira made himself almost uncontrollable.

Rory: Are you freakin' kidding? He gets even worse because his sworn enemy is talking to his woman?
Miyuki: Ugh, this is "Twilight" before "Twilight"! What is it with guys being all possessive over who his lady can or can't see or visit? That's not romantic, that's freakin' gross!

He lifted his eyes from the wooden floor and stared at his open palm. The vision blurred again. The laughing two shof from the other day. Music filled Iori's ears like it was at that moment. He felt the people shuffling around him. his hand crushed the image that danced in his palm and shook violently.
"......!!"
Purple flames soon engulfed his hand and sharp pain gnawed at his chest.
"Damn!"

Miyu: *as Iori* Damn it, why am I wangsting so much?!

He slammed his fist into the floor. The room distorted violently around him, and merged with his vision. The busy city in front of that book store. Iori shook his head again and buried it into his knees. His grip around his long legs tightened as he sat motionless. Faint laughter ringed in his ears. He felt the taste of blood welling in the back of his throat.
"Gh!"
Iori gasped for air as a stream of blood trickled from the edge of his mouth.
(The riot of blood!? That's what that Vice bitch was calling me when this happened last year.....I am going mad!)

Rory: Wait, so he almost went under the Riot of the Blood... because the Sue was hanging out with Kyo. What the fu... oh, my god. *facepalms* This fic's so dumb.
Amy: Not only that... I thought that the Sue removed his ability to undergo the Riot of the Blood! What gives?!
Miyu: Oh, my... wow, that's a massive continuity failure there. Then again, he initally wasn't supposed to use his flames after the Sue removed his jewel, so... I give up. *shrugs*

Click!

The sudden noise startled Iori and he jolted to see the origin of the sound.
"Hey, the door's open again! AND you're here! For crying out loud, I rung the bell so many times, and you don't answer...!"
"Kira!?"
Iori's eyes widened as he stared at the sudden visitor.
"What are you doing sitting in a dark room like this?"

Miyuki: Maybe he'd like to be left alone for once, you selfish jackhole.

Without asking, Kira marched to the window and pulled the curtains open. The sun has already set and the sky was a deep violet.
"I'm suprised you're not sick, sitting in a dark place like this, Iori kun! Look at your complection, it's lighter than me!"
Kira said as she peered into his face, giggling. Iori, seeing the vision again, turned his face, not knowing how to react.

Miyu: And he didn't set you on fire?
Rory: I think I need to call LeMaire Medical. She's so sugary sweet and it's driving me batty.
Kyo L.: Someone called LeMaire Medical?
Cassy: Yes, and no, you're not killing my best friend, dude!

"Wh...what are you here for anyway?"
"Oh, yeah, well, I thought...."
Kira's sentence dwindle off as she returned to the doorway, and pulled in two plastic bags full of groceries.

Miyuki: I thought... that you'd end up sleeping with him.

"Well, you like meat right? And living alone, I figured you were probably eating whatever you thought of and was missing out on the vegetables. That's not good for the body, you know!"
"You're making dinner!?"
"Why not? But it'll take a minute or two, so have this while you're waiting!"
Iori catched whatever Kira threw at him and looked at it. A cold can of beer.

Rory: Because when you need to be a perfect picture of health, you need to chug a can of beer. Thanks, Doctor Dummy.

He shook his head and laughed.
"It better be good!"
"Oh, don't worry!  I cooked for 20 years in that shrine!"
With that, she went through the drawers for a pot. Iori looked at his palm again. They were not shaking like minutes before. (funny......it's like the shaking and visions vanished the minute she came in...)

Miyu: *makes a face* Of course they did. Her presence is so great that they can remove his pains. Oh, my god, someone please put this woman through the Mary Sue Litmus Test!
Tails: She might just break the test if we try to do that.

He opened the can and drew in a long gulp of beer that covered the faint taste of blood from his mouth.

Miyuki: Blood and beer? You're gonna need a swig of beer to heal that brain aneurysm you got from reading this fanfic.

"Hey that stuff was actually good. Would you do that again? Visits like this is always welcomed."
Iori said as he set down his fork. For once, he was being honest.

Rory: This is honestly stupid! This doesn't make any freakin' sense! Oh, my god-- *falls out of his seat*
Miyu: Uh, Rory? Are you okay?
Rory: *with his face pressed to the floor* Uh, I don't think so, Miyu.
Miyu: Do you need help getting back into your seat?
Rory: No, thank you. This is a lot more comfortable than this fic.

"Sure."
Kira took the empty dishes to the kitchen sink to wash them. While she watched the soap suds cleanse the dishes under the running water, she looked at the clock. 7:31 (I wonder who won the basket ball match?)

Kyo L.: You don't give a shit about that!

She also remembered that Kyo's finals should be over by now. (How did he do?...well, my motive of being here is done now...I guess I should leave)

Kyo L.: And you want to give a shit about that, but...

She wiped her hands dry and walked back into the living room, where Iori was sitting on the couch, watching the TV blankly.

Kyo L.: And that's the only thing that you give a shit about. His balls.
Miyuki: Of course. She wants to listen to OOCori wangst like the bleating sheep that he is.         

"Uh, Iori kun?"
"Hm?"
".....Do you watch anime or something?"
"HUH!?"
Iori looked at the screen to realize that he was staring at an anime re-run.
"Well, um actually...."
Iori tried to cough his embarassment away as he turned the TV off.

Rory: Wow, you're judgmental, huh? You're getting more and more unlikeable with each passing chapter, Sue.

"Well, I guess I should get going now...."
"What?"
Iori looked back at her to see Kira pick up her purse.
"I'll come again, OK?"
She said as she headed towards the door.

Miyuki: And Iori the Possessive Bastard Boyfriend begins to show his clinginess to the Mary Sue in three... two... one...

"......Where you going?"
Iori asked in a suprisingly low voice.
"Eh?"
"Are you going to see Kyo?"
"What?"

Miyuki: Boom.
Miyu: Oh, come on, I don't want to deal with this silly soap opera nonsense right now.
Rory: *as he returns to his seat* It started turning into a silly soap opera when we hit the tenth chapter, I think.
Miyuki: Nah, it turned into one the second that Kyo laid his eyes on the Sue.
Rory: Chapter One?
Miyuki: Yep.

Hearing Kyo's name, Kira turned around with round eyes.
"You two see each other, right?  I saw you yesterday..."
Iori slowly got up and walked towards her. For the first time, Kira felt a sense of fear being with him.

Miyu: Now you're being fearful?! Even though you trespassed into his apartment while he was sleeping?! *smacks her forehead* You nincompoop!

Old friends or not, he almost did kill Vice and Mature once.

Miyuki: "Almost"? He did! But hey, who am I kidding, they're running a friggin' boutique now. *rolls her eyes*
Miyu: And this is supposed to be romantic. Can't you just feel the love between these two?
Rory: I feel the urge to throw up, actually.
Miyuki: I'm also feeling the urge to run the hell outta his house.

"And that short guy from your band said to not get too friendly with you....what's all this about?"
"You talked with Fubuki!?"

Miyu: No, Fubuki inserted himself into the equation because he has feelings for your Mary Sue self. Because we needed more melodrama, of course.

By now, Iori stood only a few inches away from Kira, and she observed how much taller he was. He stared deeply into her big eyes, and seemingly into her soul. Kira sighed deeply.

Rory: Oh, that's funny. The Sue thinks that she has a soul!
Miyu: *adjusts glasses* The soul of the devil, of course.

"Okay, I'll tell you everything. But you need to beleive in me...can you do that?"
Kira stared straight back into Iori's deep eyes. He stood silent.

Miyuki: No.

"I don't know what Fubuki told you, but that's his business. He probably told you he's a ninja as with everyone else in the band. He has a 'mission' to execute in Tokyo, and that's his top priority. Actually, that's all he seems to consider sometimes. Nothing else."
Kira finally broke the stare and glanced down at the floor.

Miyu: Except for his lust... I mean love for his Mary Sue mistress.

"Me and Kyo...kun, well, I was his tutor for his studies. He's still in highschool, you know. Well I'm a friend,

Kyo L.: Bullshit!

so I was helping him. And he taught me how to play the keyboard. Isn't that what friends do? To me, at least, it's the same as what I did for you today. Nothing special."
The room fell silent for a moment.

Keiko: ...we were never given any details of Kusanagi teaching her how to play the keyboard. It was mentioned in passing for one chapter, and suddenly, she gets over her "phobia"? This is ridiculous.
Miyuki: Details are for losers, Kei! She had to put effort into learning the keyboard, so we had to skip that.

"...I'm sorry for keeping it a secret. I guess it might seem a bit suspicious to you for me to be friends with both a Yagami and a Kusanagi.

Kyo K.: I'm sorry, what? Ever heard of Chizuru Kagura, dummy?! At least she doesn't have to bonk one of us to show her friendship!

But there's not much behind us. Really."
Kira looked back up at Iori, who was looking away by this time, thinking over the situation. Kira finally turned her back to him.

Rory: Uh, yeah, there is. There's a lot behind you. For example, you have their balls in your back pocket.
Axl: *guffaws* Rory!
Rory: *scratches his head* Hey, it's true.

"If you don't believe me, that's fine."
With that, Kira started towards the door again. She was about to turn the door knob when she suddenly froze. Arms wrapped around her from behind and held her tightly.
"Don't go......"
Iori's coarse whisper streamed into her mind.
"Eh?"
"With you, I lose my identity. What I thought solid has changed since I met you again. But without you, I'll lose my mind. I was gonna lose control thinking about you and Kyo. Like my blood was gonna take over my body again....."

Miyu: *as her glasses slowly slide off of her face* Oh, my goodness, are you serious?
Miyuki: *laughs* This is so frickin' cheesy!
Rory: You're telling me.

(But just don't forget why we left Izumo. Our mission.....)
Fubuki's words echoed in her mind as Kira stood motionless.
(I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry, Fubuki, but I can't...)
Tears rolled down her cheeks and fell onto the wooden floor.
"Iori....."
Her sentence was interupted with his lips.

All: *groans*
Miyu: *pushes glasses up* Of course. Of course.
Akiko: Lame! *boos*
Cassy: *cracks up*
Tomoko: I need a barf bag!
Jayleen: I'll have you all know that the quality of this so-called romance is incredibly lacking in substance right now!
Rory: KOF was never a soap opera! What is this madness?
Miyuki: It's called... "One Flame to Burn". A Mary Sue must choose between four suitors. Who will she choose?
Kyo L.: The one who's suckin' her face off right now.

Rrrr....rrrr....click.
"Hello, this is Kushinada Kira. I can't get to the phone right now, so please leave your name and a message after...."
Click.

Miyu: Oh, give me the phone, I'll leave a message!
Rory: I'm scared of the message that you'll leave. Especially since you've gotten a bit meaner lately.
Miyu: Oh, I greatly apologize, Rory. I hope that I wasn't acting crass towards you.
Rory: Uh, no. It's not that. You've only gotten meaner since we dealt with... you know, Benji.
Miyu: It was Benji, Rory. I think I had a reason to act unfavorably towards him.
Rory: You had about fifty billion reasons, actually.

"Ha~~~!"
Kyo sighed deeply as he sunk into his couch.
"I call her thinking she might want to know how I did on the finals, and she' s not even home!"
Pouting, he rolled onto his side, and threw one of the cushions at the phone. He looked at the clock. 3:56 am.
".....I wonder where she's gone...?"

Miyuki: Well, uh...

That night, Kira didn't return to her apartment room.

Miyu: And healing sex solves everything.
Miyuki: Well, that explains it. She slept with Iori. Tomoko? Manic?
Tomoko: *slightly chuckles* Called it.
Manic: Oh, boy. I jinxed it, didn't I?
Sonia: You sure did.

--

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