Mystery Science Theater En Masse: The Movie

Super Special 1: A Cruel Angel's Thesis (Part Twelve)

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Note: Sonic, Jessie, and Tails will mainly handle this chapter.

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Chapter 12 - Total Eclipse of the Hearts

Tails: Might as well explain the total eclipse of the canon while you're at it.

The morning sunlight poured from the curtain's crack and splashed on to Kira's face.

Jessie: Unfortunately, it didn't cause her to melt into a puddle of meat.

She squirmed from the light, but it soon crept onto her again. Kira finally sat up in the bed and grabbed the clock that was still sleeping on the desk next to her. With eyes still blurry from the heavy slumber, she stared at the clock's face. 11:03 am. (Oh yeah, school's out....)

Tails: She woke up at eleven?
Sonic: Ah, so it's one of Rory's off days.
Tails: That's also an average day for you, Sonic.

Kira dived backwards back into the pillow. Assaulted by the sunlight again, she rolled over.

Jessie: What is it with people hating the sunlight in this stupid fic? Don't these people use blinds or curtains?
Sonic: Pod Kyo tried that in one chapter and failed miserably. So I'm going to say "no".

Somehow, the pillow seems different....she cracked open her eyes to see Iori, totally asleep by her.
"............"

Tails: And then nobody in this theater was surprised at the revelation.

Her eyes widen as she jumped back up in a sitting position. Kira stared at Iori again, then the room. It was not her room.

Jessie: Dur-hay!

With slow hands, she peeled off the thin sheet she was using as a blanket to see herself, and soon hid under the sheets.
"Holy shit....!"

Sonic: She has four guys lusting over her, she sleeps with one of them, and she's supposed to be surprised?
Jessie: It's supposed to cement her "purity", Sonic.
Sonic: Yeah, that's a funny joke, Jess.

Kira made sure the door locked behind her when she left the room. The owner was still asleep in that bed.

Jessie: Once again... dur-hay.

Two of the residents, presumably housewives of the same floor, were chatting a short distance from Kira. Noticing the emergence of an unfamiliar face, the women stopped their chattering and watched the girl as she approached. Kira felt their trail of vision go up and down her body, and hasted towards the elevator in an unnoticable pace. When she was about to pass them, one of the women spoke to her.
"Well, good morning, miss."
"Uh....hi..."
She managed to barely answer their eager eyes, hungry for gossip.

Sonic: I thought that Mary Sues liked it when people talked about them.
Tails: Not in that context, Sonic.
Sonic: Oh, right, right. She's supposed to be "pure" and "not like the other girls" and stuff like that.
Jessie: Yeah, it's only okay to sleep with a guy if you're a Sue. Every other girl's a "slut".

She prayed that the elevator would come soon, and it seemed to listen to her. As Kira scurrily melted into the elevator, she heard the women already bustling about her.

Rory: Oh, my god, why is everyone melting?!
Tails: It's going to kill your brain cells if you keep thinking about that, Rory.

"My, did you see that?"
"I thought that room was occupied by that scary looking punk!"
"Yes it is....and did you see her? Her hair seemed barely brushed...."
"Do you think...?"
And the elevator closed its heavy doors and descended.

Jessie: Remember, Athena's an "evil slut" for pining over Kyo, as we'll soon find out. Remember that double standard, ladies and gentlemen.
Sonic: *stretches* Wait, so I'm supposed to feel sorry for her due to those ladies gossiping about her?
Jessie: Yep. And you already know that she can eat me for that.
Kyo L.: *mutters* I think a lot of people ate you before, Jess.
Miyu, Cassy: *smacks Kyo L. on the back of his head*
Cassy: You said that you would cut that out, dude!
Kyo L.: Okay, sorry!

The afternoon air was already thick and hot, but Kira didn't care that much.

Sonic: Besides, she was already used to being hot, especially since she "wrestled" with Iori last night.

She bought a traveler's-sized tooth brush and tooth paste from a nearby convenience store, and brushed her teeth at a restaurant bathroom. Kira stretched as she strolled home, humming to herself.

"Ureshi, Hazukashi A.sa Gaeri...*"

Tails: A footnote...
Emi: Ah. It's a song by the band Dreams Come True. The footnote says that "the song is basically about a girl going home early in the morning from her boyfriend's, thinking of an excuse to say to her waiting mom".
Jessie: *flatly* Oh, the symbology.

(Oh yeah, I have to go to Hesperia today....)

Sonic: Oh, now you care about the friends that you ditched.
Tails: Dummy.

It was the day when Kira was to calculate the expenses and other things that made her head ache. This was determined among the band equally to make the jobs of poor Shizuku easier, but Kira nonetheless was not extremely confident with her math skills, and so found the labor tiresome.

Jessie: Even though she solved math problems earlier in the damn story... with ease. It's a little too late to try to give your Sue flaws when she's been strutting about like a perfect peacock this whole time, Suethor.

(Well, I am the owner, so I guess I shouldn't complain....) She thought to herself as she strolled into a small path

Tails: I'm surprised. I thought that Mary Sues and Gary Stus always complained when they had to do work.
Sonic: She's trying to be humble, Tails.
Tails: ...it's not working.
Sonic: I know.

Kira scratched at her short hair as she inserted the keys into the backdoor.
"....!?"
To her suprise, Kira found the door unlocked. Kira had confidence in her fighting skills,

Jessie: ...the fighting skills that can easily trump the entire canon cast, no less...

but still kept her senses sharp, just in case, as she opened the door.
"Hey sleepy head!"
Fubuki said as he leaned in his chair to greet the new-comer.
"I figured that you probably would forget about all this document-work since school was out yesterday. Or just won't come because you partied too hard?"
He continued with a teasing smile.  Fubuki was known to many to be the type that shows his emotions very little, and Kira knew this very well. His usually comforting smile stabbed at her chest somehow as she stared at him blankly.

Jessie: And it's too bad that it didn't actually kill her.

"Uh, hi...."
Kira uncomfortably mumbled as she took the chair across the table from him. Her fingers fumbled at the papers scattered on the table.
".....Fubuki.....gomen (sorry)....."
"Don't worry, I started on the harder parts of this, and besides, I knew it was gonna happen...."
"No, not about the paper work..."
"Hm?"
"............"
Fubuki sensed the tenseness in Kira's face, and his smile faded.
"...something wrong, Kira?"

Sonic: Aside from this fic existing?

"......gomen......gomen...."
The long silence seemed to shriek in the ears.
"...........Yagami, I suppose?"

Tails: Yep.

"...."
"...I kew that was gonna happen....."
"I'm sorry"

Tails: No, you're not. Stop lying. We're not buying that so-called apology.

"Do you understand what you did, Kira? The balance between the Kushinada, Yagami, and Kusanagi that has been in tact for 1800 years is now disturbed because of...."
"TRADITION!?"
Kira laughed at the word.

Sonic: What a mood whiplash! She's quiet one second, then she's all boastful the next!

"Two families hating each other, that's tradition? And it's my family that caused the whole thing between the Yagami and Kusanagi!"

Kyo K.: Uh, no, it isn't! What kind of bullshit is this?
Jessie: Bullshit that needed a Mary Sue shoehorned into your family's history, sweetie.
Kyo K.: It was already messed up by itself! Now we needed to add a Mary Sue to it? Uh-uh, no way!
Sonic: So, uh... wanna explain what actually happened?
Kyo K.: I'd rather explain it when the fic gets to the proper chapter. I know, because I also read ahead. *casually waves the fic's papers*
Tails: That didn't surprise me at all.

Feeling her blood rise to her head, Kira took a deep breath.

Jessie: And then she had a brain hemorrhage and died on the spot.

".....if it's bloodshed and hate that's carried on a tradition, then I will break it. Besides, I don't want to see Iori suffer like this any more."

Sonic: And there you have it, folks. Iori Yagami's her "one twu luv".
Tails: Of course she's got to be the one who will break it. Never mind that Kyo and Iori don't care about their histories, either! So what makes her so special?
Jessie: Because she's a Mary Sue, Tails.

Fubuki studied her silently in the damp room. Her hoarse voice, her trembling hand, her gleaming eyes.

Jessie: The bile that is rising in my throat.

"If you're approaching Yagami with sympathy, it'll hurt him deeper later."
"I don't consider answering to someone who needs me as sympathy."

Sonic: No, that's actually called "intruding".

With that, Kira gathered her share of documents and headed towards the door. Fubuki didn't look back at the door that softly closed. After hearing the last whispers from Kira's shoes taper off into the distance, Fubuki leaned backwards in his chair and faintly smiled to himself.
"So, this is what's called 'heartbreak'.....it's kinda hard to deal with...."

Tails: *makes a face* Really? Really, now? No actual conversation? No confession? Nothing? We just get this?
Jessie: That's what happens when a Mary Sue has way too many powers. She can't keep up with them. What happened to that mind reading from Chapter Four, hmm?
Sonic: What now?
Jessie: She had the ability to read minds, Sonic. And that's... well, gone for some reason.
Sonic: Good lord, this fic's so inconsistent, it's starting to eat itself.

Kira stared at her reflection on the elevator's mirror walls. She ran her fingers over her lips as she stared at herself. (It's not sympathy....)

Jessie: Funny, we never had any sympathy for you, so it works out! Yay!

Ti....ng!

Kira trotted off the elevator and onto her floor as she scanned her purse for her keys. She pulled the lousy cluster of brass out of her bag and twirled it on her finger. It didn't take that long for Kira to notice a figure sitting by her door as she approached it. It seemed like someone was sitting there, but she was too far to figure who it was. The figure jolted at the approaching foot steps and hurried to its feet. (Ah, I've seen her before....) The reddish short hair, the sharp chin, the clear but determined eyes. Kira recalled her name, or at least what Kyo was calling her.
"Yuki....san?"
Yuki stared at the person she long waited for, and greeted her with a short bow.

Sonic: If you were expecting Yuki to trounce the Sue, it's not happening. Thanks for playing.

"Well, I didn't think you'd come on your own to see me."
Kira said as she poured some coffee in two cups.

Tails: Why not? After all... you're hanging out with her boyfriend and she ran into you the other day!

Yuki sat at the dining table, but kept silent. (Gosh I hate this atmosphere....) Kira thought to herself as she scratched her head nervously.

Jessie: Well, I hate you. *smiles* Did that make you feel better?

She set the sugar and cream down on the table with the coffee, and sat on the opposite side of her visitor.
"So, I think you have some stuff you want to ask me?"
"........"
Yuki glance up at Kira without moving her head that tilted down to her skirt, and then into a totally different direction. Her hesitation was painfully apparent. Kira patiently waited, stirring the cream and sugar into her brew. Just as she was about to have her first sip, Yuki looked straight at her with a serious expression.
"Um...."
"Yeah?"
"....nevermind...."

Sonic: And then we went to commercial. Have some ads.

"Oh, COME ON! You didn't wait out there all night just to have breakfast with me, did you? Spit it out, and it'll feel much better..."
"Well, then...........................uh, what's your relationship with Kyo?"
Yuki sighed in slight releif of finally spilling her thoughts out, but soon firmed up with tension. Kira silently smiled at her.
"Well, what do you think?"
"........."
"Let's see.....after me and Kyo had a steamy night together and just before were gonna say farewell for the day, you came to his room. Is that what you're thinking?"
"........."
"I've gotta say, Kyo is cute and strong. I bet the girls out there don't leave him alone!"
Yuki's face wrinkled, as if she was going to burst into tears any moment.

Sonic: Wow, you're a real peach, Sue. Let's make Yuki even more uncomfortable than she already is! *gives a sarcastic thumbs up* Great idea!
Tails: There's a time and place for sarcasm, and that's not it.
Jessie: I do not like her. I do not like her at all.

"But, I've gotta say, it's quite immoral for a tutor to be hitting on her student. Don't you think?"
"...............Tu....tor?"
Yuki's large brown eyes blinked in confusion. Kira winked at her, her eyes glittering with mischief.

Black Crow and Crazy Train riffers: *stares at Kyo K. and Emi*
James: You hitting on Emi again? Spill the beans, mate.
Kyo K.: No, and bite me. And why are you looking like me again?
James: To ruffle your feathers. I have to say, this school uniform's a pretty nice fit. You may need to borrow this from me if you're finally gonna graduate from high school!
Kyo K.: *grumbles*

"Yeah, tutor! We've known each other since we were five. Something like a childhood friend.

Kyo L.: Bullshit!

I heard he had to redo his senior year in highschool, so I thought to help him out a bit. That was the night before finals, remember?"
"Yeah...."

Tails: Oh, you helped, all right. Helped him to board the OOC bus.

"So, I tried to help him get prepared for the exams. But you know how much studying gets done when a friend's around?  It took all night!"

Kyo K.: Mary Sue... you are no friend of mine.

".........Really?"
"Hm?"
"Is that what happened that night? That's all?"
"Have faith in your boyfriend!....Um, he is your boyfriend, right?"

Jessie: I thought that this twit knew everything! Now she's trying to act like she's all innocent?
Tails: Well, to be fair, Kyo never told the Sue that he had a girlfriend.
Jessie: ...but she can read minds, Tails.
Tails: Never mind, you have a point.

".....Yes."
Yuki blushed a little for being formally asked of her relationship with Kyo, but with relief, dumped two sugars into her coffee and gulped it down.

Sonic: Enjoy your scalded throat.

"So, how do you think he did?"
"Excuse me?"
"On the finals, did he look pretty confident? I mean, I'm his tutor, so I'm kinda concerned, you know?"

Sonic: Ha! No, you're not! You slept with Iori, remember?
Tails: To be fair, she was concerned about Kyo's test scores... for about two seconds.

"Well...." Yuki tried to recall the situation. "He was the first to leave the class, so I think he really knew it, or didn't."
"He better did!"
Kira exclaimed as she laughed.

Jessie: This is funny? Roadkill's funnier than that.

"...sorry to tease you a minute ago,"
More coffee was poured into Yuki's empty cup as Kira said.
"You looked so stern, I just had to tease you."

Jessie: *mumbles* And look at how well that went, you buttmunch.

"Was I really that serious looking?"
"Yeah! Like it was the end of the world! But I was mean to do that. I'm sorry."

Sonic: Oh, now she's sorry.
Tails: Dummy.

"Oh, no, Kira san! It was rude for me to accuse you without asking..."
"But that was just natural.  Bad timing on my part.

Sonic: No duh!

And please, call me Kira."
Yuki sighed in relief as she studied the girl that sat in front of her. The grudge that choked her throat melted like the sugar in her coffee. (very bright, and pretty too), she thought.

Jessie: And then a fanfic was written!
Axl: I'm not writing one with that tacky Sue in it. No way.

"Did you meet Asamiya san?"
Kira almost gulped down too much of the hot liquid, and coughed a bit from the unexpected question.
"Huh?......Oh, Athena Asamiya? Yeah, a while ago."

Tails: *as Kira* I humiliated her because my Suethor hates her!

"She said you were going to enter the tournament as well. Is that true?"
"Yeah. I got an invitation a couple of months ago."
"But you don't seem like the type to..."
"To be a muscular amazon to be entering such a savage tournament?"
Yuki silenced, blushing a little for having her thoughts read.

Tails: I'm going to avoid talking about the rudeness of the Sue reading Yuki's mind and the somewhat unfortunate implications of that question. Sonia?
Sonia: Remind me to slap Akira Valkyrie later, Tails.
Tails: Note taken.

"If you say that, Athena isn't beefy, and neither is Chizuru san, who sent me the invitation."
"But it's dangerous."
"For a normal girl, yeah. But can you call a childhood friend of Kusanagi Kyo to be normal?"
Kira laughed again. Then she assured at Yuki with a confident wink.

Kyo K.: Oh, for the goddamn love of Christ! You are not my childhood friend, you goddamn tapeworm!
Keiko: And Kusanagi's slowly snapping. My day's sort of complete now.
Emi: "Sort of"?
Keiko: It's only fun if he's being teased. It stops being fun when he's going absolutely ballistic.

"Don't worry, I'll have two body guards with me!"

Jessie: Oh, isn't she humble? *rolls her eyes* She can bite my camo covered ass.

"Well, good luck, I guess.....Asamiya san seemed pretty psyched up to fight you in the tournament."
"Thanks, I'll need it. She was pretty good, though she doesn't look like she has that kind of power."

Sonic: *sarcastically* Thanks for bashing Athena again, Suethor. We really needed another putdown in this fic.

"I just can't understand martial art and stuff. It seemed like a lot of the people around me is involved with fighting and martial arts, but I have no clue.  I feel a bit secluded sometimes."
Yuki pouted a little. Kira couldn't help giggling at the sight, but straightened her lips into a firm smile.
"Be happy you don't."

"When does the tournament start, anyway?"
"Kyo hasn't told you yet?"
Kira exclaimed with round eyes.
"No."

Tails: There's a reason why he hasn't told her. He initially did it to try to protect her. Of course, the Sue has to undo everything.

"Well, you'd better see him before, because it starts next week."
"NEXT WEEK!? And he doesn't tell me!"

Jessie: Um... what did Tails just say a second ago?

"Um, Yuki chan? Can I ask you a favor?"
"Yeah?"
"Can you not tell Kyo about me entering KoF? I know he'll try to stop me from entering, saying he's worried or something, you know...."
"Do you want to enter the tournament that badly?"
Yuki asked suprised, which Kira responded with a childish smile, good enough to hide her intentions.

Sonic: Let's have the fic brag about how good the Sue is! As if we already haven't had enough "She's so wonderful!" moments in this heaping pile of poop.

"Just out of curiosity.

Kyo L.: That's actually bullshit. But hey, she's just masking her true intentions from Yuki.

But anyway, Kyo kept a secret from you about me. So this is just a girl's thing he can't clue into. OK?"
"Sure."

Tails: Why is this fic full of secrets and lies?
Jessie: Because it's a soap opera.
Tails: Can I read something else?
Jessie: It would have to be well written, so no, you can't read it right now.
Tails: Aw, man!

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