Mystery Science Theater En Masse: The Movie

Super Special 1: A Cruel Angel's Thesis (Part Thirteen)

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Note: The main riffers for this chapter are Sonia, Benimaru, and Mai.

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Chapter 13 - Don't Speak

"Huh? Where IS eveyone!?"
Chris exclaimed as he returned to the little live house where the band was practicing, ice cream in hand. Shermie was sitting, legs crossed, in an old wooden chair, shaking her head.
"Yashiro did it again. Everyone just got ticked off with how he wasn't satisfied with the sounds, so they just left."
"............well, our live concert was cancelled again..."
"That's right. Who was he, that guy with the red hair?"
Chris slumped onto the floor next to Shermie and licked at his quickly-melting treat.
"I wonder if he looks that much like Yashiro?"

Benimaru: Yashiro looks nothing like Iori. Are those people blind?
Mai: Yes.

Shermie knodded in agreement.
"It's not once or twice people have taken Yashiro as a copy of 'him'......I would like to see him sometime."
"Well, we WILL see him next week, like it or not!"
".....You're right, Chris. Yashiro's totally psyched out for this tounament thing, you know? He says he'll rip that guy apart in front of the eyes of the world."
"Speaking of Yashiro, where is he??"

Sonia: Kissing the Mary Sue's butt, as usual.

"He wandered out a minute ago to that song-princess' place. I think the band's name was "Stella" or something?  It's the eighth time this month he's visiting that place....."

Sonia: "Song-princess"?! Of course there had to be some way for somebody to shill that insufferable gnat once again.

"Well, he wouldn't be able to go anyway once the tournament begins."
".....you're right again."
Silence. Shermie managed to silently smile at herself. A weak, faint smile. Chris looked into her face to meet her eyes that normally hid from view with her hair.
".....you miss him already?"
Shermie's eyes widened at the question, but looking back into Chris' large umber eyes, she couldn't help but giggle at her friend.
"That's none of your business, child."

Mai: ...that's a "yes". Of course, we probably won't have that so-called love triangle between them until Yashiro and Shermie hit their Orochi forms. Also, Shermie would never address Chris as "child".
Sonia: Wait, how many love triangles do we have again?
Benimaru: Let's see... there's one with Kyo, Iori, and the Sue. There's another with Shermie, who loves Yashiro, but he's pining for the Sue. And there's yet another one with Fubuki, Iori, and the Sue, even though she rejected Fubuki in the last chapter. And there's the one where we have Yuki, who loves Kyo, but he is pining for the Sue. Can we count that one?
Mai: For now, yes. Also... that is absolutely ridiculous.
Sonia: No kidding.

"What?"
Yashiro stared at the piece of paper that was framed at the enterence of Hesperia. His eyes were dry from the dry summer heat of the night, and his contacts were blurring his vision. Or was it? He stared at the paper with narrow eyes.

Due to the King of Fighters '97 tournament,
we will be closed from June 1 through July 1.
Sorry for the inconvenience!

Benimaru: Um... Kyo, Athena, and I definitely fought in the '97 tournament. We never fought at Hesperia.
Kyo K.: There never even was a Hesperia!

Yashiro raised his brows in suprise after reading the message. He turned to the woman at the enterance of the building, who had on a tight suit like dress. The shortness of her skirt complimented her long legs.

Sonia: Thanks for the description that we didn't need.

"Hey, miss bouncer, what does this mean!?"
"Oh, the notice? Our livehouse was elected to be one of the stages for the King of Fighters tournament, with a special ring at the center of the stage. Since the tournament's going to be broadcasted nationally, we figured it might be good publicity."
She said as she wiped her long streaks of hair from her face.

Kyo L.: Bullshit! What was the name of the actual stadium?
Athena: Koushien Stadium. I also performed there before the tournament began.
Benimaru: Yeah, that's it.
Mai: So this is just another way to make this all about the Sue once again. *sighs* Typical.

"Really....."
Yashiro said to himself as he glanced back at the piece of paper. (Hm, practically eveyone watches that screwed tournament....maybe that girl will be watching it too. Better yet, she might watch the matches if it's fought out here on her stage! What a way to make an impression on a woman!) He grinned at the idea, totally forgetting the distress that caused him to be here in the first place.

Mai: *grumbles* I am so sick and tired of everyone bending themselves out of character just to kiss this Mary Sue's behind in this idiotic fanfic.

Just as he was about to leave the livehouse in a pleasant note.....

Dom!

"Ow...."
Yashiro accidently bumped into a man that was about to enter the place. His short brown hair shimmered in the dim night lights. Rubbing his shoulder, the man stood his full height, almost as tall as Yashiro himself. His tanned face was enhanced with a crisp white bandanna.

Sonia: We know who he is. You don't have to reintroduce him.
Benimaru: Not unless it was one of his clones who arrived before he was even cloned.

"Hey, sorry man..."
"No prob..."
Yashiro shuffled into the crowd after making his quick apology. (Whoa, he has a pretty well-built body....wonder who he is...) Rubbing his shoulder, Kyo watched him melt away from his view.

Rory: He--
Mai: It's okay, Rory. We know that he's another T-1000 sent by Skynet.
Sonia: No wonder they're all out of character. They're all poorly programmed Terminators that were rejected by Skynet and wandered into this fanfic.
Benimaru: *laughs* Oh, that's a good one, Sonia!

"Well, if it isn't Kusanagi kun and Shingo chan!"
Shizuku exclaimed, her long ponytail swaying behind her.
"Hi, Shizuku san! You're the bouncer for tonight?"
"Yup. I guess I have to, since I can't participate in the band with my music talents!"
Shizuku shrugged and winked at Shingo.

Sonia: Does she even have any musical talents? Tails, refresh my memory. Pull up Shizuku's character profile, please.
Tails: You got it! *looks it up* Ah, remember? She is the band's main director, who works on everything from the costumes to the lighting.
Sonia: Now I remember. Thank you.
Tails: No problem, Sonia!

Kyo scratched his head reading the notice by the door.
"What the hell?"
"Oh, that? The joint's gonna be used as a stage for the KoF tournament."

Benimaru: Even though it shouldn't be.

"Really? Do you get payed for the rent and stuff?"
"Yeah, Kagura san gave us a pretty good deal on that. Besides, we'll have to close down for the tournament anyway with some of the members entering it."
"Yeah, with me, Kusanagi san!"
"Wha...!!?"

Mai: *frowns* ...was that part supposed to be funny?
Sonia: I have no idea.

The crowd cheered as the song began. Spotlights streaked through the room with its blue lights. Kira stood at the center of the stage, facing the cheering people. Her soft brown hair was slicked back, and she wore a white blouce and black jeans. Indeed, if someone who didn't know her identity looked at her now, her present looks will easily pass as a guy, and high pitched shrills from the girls in the audience were especially loud.

Benimaru: *facepalms* I'm not making a fuss about the androgynous look. I'm only going to make a fuss about the fact that she needed more groupies to shill her with her various Mary Sue looks.

"I'll be your dream, I'll be your wish, I'll be your fantasy, I'll be your hope, I'll be your love, be eveything that you need....*"
"Whoa, an English song!"
Kyo said as he squinted in pain of the memory of his English classes.

Sonia: She sang in English before, you idiotic fish head! This is not surprising!
Kyo K.: Also, English was a piece of cake for me, so I don't know what this faker's whining about.

Shingo observed the audience that enveloped them.
"I hope these girls know that they're frenzying over a girl....(^_^;)"

Sonia: Haruka Tenou did it a lot better than that Mary Sue ever did. I found the former charming, while I'm just rolling my eyes at the latter.

"I love you more with every breath, truly madly deeply do...."

Mai: And she had to sing that song. That one song that's always used in every crappy songfic in the late '90s to the mid 2000s.
Sonia: That's... that's Savage Garden's "Truly Madly Deeply", isn't it?
Mai: Yes, it is.
Benimaru: *rubs his forehead* Clearly, this fic couldn't be any more cliché.

"Ah, over there, Kusanagi san! That guy with the pony tail doing the back chorus and the girl on the keyboards, that's who I'm entering the tournament with."
"I remember them. Wasn't it Hotaru and Iruka (dolphin) or something like that...?"
"It's Ruka."
"Yeah, him. So, are they good fighters?"
"Yes they are!"
"Hope you don't drag them down with your skills!"
"That's mean."
Shingo laughed at their conversation, and didn't seemed upset at all.

Mai: Oh, go eat a cactus. This isn't humor. It's just a bunch of crappy insults disguised as "humor". It's been the same since this fic began.

Kyo chuckled too, then looked back at the stage, with the flaring lights.
"Is it the first time you've seen Kira san perform, Kusanagi san?"
"Actually, it is, isn't it?"

Sonia: And now Kyo has a boner just by listening to her.
Benimaru: That Sue's siren voice is clearly working its black magic.

"Cheers to Kyo's decent grades!"
"Do~mo! (thanx)"

Klang!

Mai: That's also how we celebrated Rory's report card. It was nearly full of C's.
Rory: Hey!
Mai: Don't worry, Rory. With your grades, you just might qualify for President of the United States.
Rory: *makes a face*

"Oww, but my throat hurts..."
"You were singing pretty hard, it seemed."
"Today was the last performance before the tournaments begin, so I guess I overdid it a bit."
Kira laughed as she rubbed her throat that stung from the vodka.

Sonia: Because when your throat hurts, the first drink that you should sip is vodka. *sarcastically claps* Genius.

The live ended in success, and Shingo went to party out with Ruka and the other band members.
"But is it really OK for you to be paying for this? I mean *whisper* this place is expensive!"
"Don't worry, you saved my life helping with my studies. I might even graduate this year (lol)! I just want to thank you...."

Benimaru: *points to the (lol)* You see that? Stop that. Number one, we don't need that. Number two... did you just insult Kyo, Suethor?
Mai: I'm surprised that he isn't burning this fic yet.
Kyo K.: That's because I don't know the proper way to burn a movie screen yet.

"Dating the week before the tournament? Oh, how the defending champ has such confidence!"
A familiar voice sung from behind Kyo as a slender arm tangled onto his neck.
"Wha....King san!?"
"Long time no see, boy."
King said as she straightened herself. The short satin blouce she wore enhanced her curves as she stood straight and tall. It's still a wonder to Kyo how Ryo and Robert has mistaken her as a man.

Sonia: That's because she managed to pass as one when she was working as a bouncer in Southtown, you giant dummy.

"Wh..why are you here in Japan?"

Sonia: *buries her face in her hands, groans in frustration*
Benimaru: *facepalms* The King of Fighters tournament was just being announced. You also read the notice that said that it was being announced. King's also competed in the last three tournaments, and she just mentioned it herself! Oh, my god! This is clearly not the Kyo that I know! Who is this idiot?!
Mai: He's a defective T-1000, remember?
Benimaru: Yeah. We might as well keep going with that theory, because it's making more sense than this fanfic.
Kyo K.: I really need to find some way to deck that stupid clone of mine.

"Well, next week's the tournament's opening ceremony, remember? AND the preliminary rounds are at the Tokyo Dome. I came a bit early so I can get used to the time zone and stuff. And I'm supposed to meet Mai here tonight......so, who's you date?"
King winked as her eyes followed her words from Kyo to Kira. Her soft blond hair swayed at the slightest movement.
"Oh, um, my name's Kira. Pleased to meet you."
"She's my childhood friend, by the way, King san!"

All: *irritated* No, she isn't!
Sonia: Do not tell me that King is shipping that idiotic pod person with the brain the size of a paramecium and that brain eating virus of a Mary Sue together.
Mai: Of course she is. Everyone needs to tell her how she's wonderful when she's paired with a host body of hers.

"Really? Ah, have you heard, Kyo? Yori** has announced to enter the KoF tournament alone."

Benimaru: Emi, we have a footnote.
Emi: Ah! It says that King has had problems pronouncing Iori's name properly, which has been displayed in amateur comics and radio dramas of the KOF games. *makes a face* Um... so the Suethor just admitted that she knows about the dramas... yet she continues to ruin the canon front, back, and sideways. Absolutely atrocious.

"Iori is?"
"I got the news from Chizuru. I've got to say, the boy has guts, you know?"

Mai: Again, Iori can enter by himself, but Shingo entering by himself is "wrong".
Sonia: Shingo's not the Sue's lust object, so she has to toss him to the side in some way.
Mai: Even though she already turned him into her mouthpiece, gave him flames, and turned him into this... non determined nitwit?
Sonia: You have a point.

"Heh, and he knows that this tournament isn't that easy....that show off. He'll probably lose before even getting his paws on me--"
"So you don't want him to lose?"
"No, just want to get this crazy family feud crap over with."

Benimaru: Don't you two need four more family members and Steve Harvey before you can do any crazy family feud crap?
Sonia: He wasn't hosting in 1997! I don't even think that it was on the air in 1997!
Mai: Sonia's right. Get Steve Harvey, anyway. It would be nice to see him before he shaved his head.

"Hm.....? Well, try to leave us out of it, OK?  I don't want stuff happening like last year...."
King stared at Kyo teasingly. The bar's door swung open, and practically the whole crowd in the bar turned to see the voluptuous woman walking in.
"Here she comes. 10 minutes late, as usual."
Mai, spotting King (which isn't that hard to do in Japan), cheerfully waved her armes around. Her tight red dress seemed to pop off any moment with her every move, but Mai didn't seem to care a bit.

Benimaru: Ah, so she knows the meaning of arriving fashionably late. Nothing less from the lovely Miss Shiranui.

King lightly waved back, and sighed.
"Hmm...it seems like she wants to go dancing again, from her clothes. Kira, was it? Sorry to blab on like that. Now the disturbance will leave. See ya, Kyo!"
King said as she walked towards her companion, waving her hand at the two. With all eyes in the bar glued onto them, the two dangerously attractive women walked out into the night.

Sonia: And then they seduced a Chinese officer who is known for her dangerously strong kicks... oh, wait. Wrong fanfic.
Emi, Athena: *coughs*
Mai: I really don't want to know why you two coughed like that.
Kyo L.: I do.
Axl: Yeah, me too!
Athena: *quietly pushes Kyo L. away* No, you don't.
Emi: *as she pushes Axl away* Not now, Mr. James!

Kyo and Kira wobbled down the streets of Shibuya after being kicked out of the bar at closing time. The sky was beginning to lighten, and the train systems are not working yet. As they were passing by a department store, still deep in its slumber, the screen at the main enterence busily showed a preview program of the King of Fighters.

Mai: And then they stumbled into the streets, where they were hit by a truck and died. The End.
Benimaru: You're not getting up, are you?
Mai: The words "The End" didn't appear on the screen, so no, I'm not getting up.

"...And so today, the Muy Thai World Champion Joe Higashi has arrived at the Narita Airport with his team mates, the Bogard brothers, Terry and Andy..."
Kyo stopped and gazed at the huge screen.
"......I bet the idea's burning you inside."
Kira teased as she trotted to his side.
"Yeah. The best from all over the world's coming. There's no way a true fighter won't get excited."
"Yes, that's right. You always looked forwards for brawls like you are right now."

Sonia: ...this better not be full of double entendres.
Benimaru: I hope not. It's not sexy when it comes from mind warping Mary Sues.

"Now I remember. I was running around after the Flame Summoning Ceremony saying 'I'm gonna beat up the Yagamis' and stuff."

Kyo K.: No, I wasn't! I don't even give a rip about them right now!

"...From Japan, the defending champions, Kusanagi Kyo, Nikaidou Benimaru, and Daimon Goro will again enter the tournament together. Also, Yagami Iori, who's entered the last two tournaments, will be making a solo entry this year...."
Kira turned at the name, staring at the screen herself. Kyo glanced at her, but her bangs got in the way for him to read what she was thinking. He figitted a bit uneasily, but tightened his fist in determination.

"..Uh, Kira?"
"Hm?"
Kira turned around, the dim light from the screen framing her silhouette. Kyo felt a queer sensation that she might disappear, and held his breath for a moment.
".......well, um....I was wondering if you would want to come with us around the world."
"Eh?"

Mai: I can't believe that this pod person is finally admitting his feelings for this irritating Sue. That is complete and utter nonsense.

"Ah, actually, you see, Beni's the type that works harder when there's a girl around, and so I thought..."

Benimaru: *as Kyo* ...I thought that this lie would work.
Sonia: Why are you trying to lie to a Mary Sue who can read your mind, you nitwit?!

"I've met Benimaru san last week at school."
"Oh, really?  Well, Goro san wanted to meet you sometime too, and..."
".....Why don't you just say it, Kyo?"
"Eh?"

Mai: *mimics Kyo* Eh? *normal voice* What did Sonia just say a moment ago? You already know that she can read your mind. Did you forget that easily... never mind, I forgot who I was talking to.

"You're the one that wants me to go and cheer for you, right?"
".....well, yeah....."
Kyo scratched his head in embarrassment that his motives were seen through so easily.

All: She can read your mind!
Benimaru: Jesus criminy! Do you drink your own urine and think that it's lemonade?!
Sonia: *tries not to laugh* Darn it.

"Why don't you ask Yuki san to do that?"
"...!"

Sonia: I thought that Yuki was a secret, you two-faced twit!
Mai: I can't believe that she used Yuki to further her own selfish gains. This is ridiculous.

"....and so, these fighters will be entering the tournament again. Now let us see the new teams that will be..."
"...I thought she wouldn't like coming to such a tournament."
"I don't think the type of tournament matters for a girl to cheer for her boyfriend."
"....."
Cold rain began to fall from the morning sky, cooling the sleeping city.

Mai: You and I both know that that's nonsense, Pod Kyo. You were planning to dump Yuki because your "destined love" from 1800 years ago was the Sue. I know this, Benimaru knows this, Sonia knows this. Everyone reading this stupid fic in this theater knows this. You're not fooling any of us with your paper thin lies.

"Kyo, we may have been lovers 1800 years ago, but the time and situation has changed. You have such a nice girlfriend. And I....."
"But Kira, I li.....!"
Kyo's sentence was abruptly interrupted by Kira's finger that pressed on his lips.

Sonia: I really wanted him to finish that sentence so we could pick it apart.

"You shouldn't say any further. I....I don't want to hurt Yuki san any more."

Benimaru: Oh, now you care about Yuki.
Tails: Dummy.
Mai: She's a selfish dummy, actually.

"....!"
"Kyo, we have people we can't hurt any further."

Mai: Well, you're hurting us by your mere existence.

"We?"
"I...I can't go anyway."
"Why!?"
"You'll see. Soon, you'll see...."
With that, Kira slowly walked towards the Shibuya subway station. Kyo couldn't move, but just stood in the rain, watching her walk away.

Benimaru: Oh, you have got to be kidding me.
Sonia: This is supposed to resemble the romantic rejection. It's not resonating with us very well, especially when he's standing in the cliché rainfall.
Manic: Hey, someone play that crappy music that shows up on those MTV shows! We need to set the mood better!
Sonia: I'll end up laughing if someone does that.
Akiko: I'm on it! I know that I don't like this music, but I felt that it'd be perfect. *plays "Untitled" by Simple Plan*
Manic: *laughs and applauds* Yes!
Sonia: *buries her face in her hands as she laughs*
Mai: This scene is so sappy that the rain just might spill from the screen.

"...And with the special invitation from the sponcer, Miss Chizuru Kagura, the fighters Fubuki, Raiya, and Kira will be entering as a team....."
Kyo's eyes widen an his conscience caught the familiar names flow from the screen. He turned to see the TV program, that has already changed the subject.
"What!?"

Benimaru: What a way to end a chapter. He gets rejected, and then he freaks out.
Mai: This drama-thon is absolutely ridiculous.
Sonia: It would be funny if it wasn't so... irritating.
Mai: Indeed.

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