Mystery Science Theater En Masse: The Movie

Super Special 1: A Cruel Angel's Thesis (Part Four)

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Note: Miyu, Axl, and Tails will be the three main riffers for this portion.

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Chapter 4 - Sunday Morning

The bright morning sunlight poured through the window and splashed into the room. Kyo could only blame himself for forgetting to shut the blinds before going to sleep, for the one thousandth time. He at first tried to block the warm sunlight by covering his face with a blanket, but finally gave into the heat, that seemed to rise every second that flowed by.
"Achi~~~! (It's hot!)"

Axl: This is coming from the dude who's said to have the power of the sun. The. Sun. And he's complaining about the heat?
Miyu: Mr. Kusanagi? Why do fics like these make you dumb?
Kyo K.: Don't ask me why, Glasses. All I know is that I hate them.

Sitting up on the crumpled sheets and wiping the stream of sweat from his face, Kyo picked up his alarm clock. 9:42 am. For Kyo, who usually goes to sleep around 5am on Saturdays and wakes up at 2pm the next day, this was either a miracle or a plague.

Miyu: It's the latter.
Tails: Anything for him to magically reunite with the Sue.

"God, give me a break..."

Axl: In this fic? You're not gettin' one.

After shutting the blind, Kyo slumped down back on his pillow. But the sun, merciless, beat down on him hard through the thin cracks in the blinds.
"Aaaargh, damn!"

Kyo concequently got up shortly after his morbid battle with the heat, still numb from the lack of sleep. By 10:30, he was sitting on the uncomfortable benches of the Shin-Tamagawa line train. It wasn't like he had anywhere he planned to go; much less be up at this hour.

Miyu: *adjusts glasses* Aside from you pressing your lips to the Sue's behind like some sort of diseased leech?

Kyo gazed blankly out the window as the train slid into the Shibuya station. Without any focus, he watched the people on the other platforms shuffle in and out of the trains, when he saw a noticable figure trotting off the stairs.
"Kira!?"
He hurried off the chair and bounded off the train as the departure whistle scolded at him.
"This might turn out to be a pretty good day afterall!"

Axl: Good for you. Bad for us. *points at Kyo K.* And it's especially bad for him.
Tails: *sighs* Of course she'd be there. Of course.

Panting from the sprint to the platform in heels, Kira glared at her wirst watch. She looked down the rails to see the green Yamanote line she was to catch rhythmicly chugging down away from her. Knowing that that was her line that just left, she sighed deeply. She was so emersed in her depression of the day, she didn't notice the footsteps that crept behind her.

Miyu: Oh, so she was "conveniently" late. Again. These clichés are incredibly mind-numbing.
Sonia: Once again... heels.
Axl: Remember, it's only okay if the Sue wears them.

"What are you doing here?"
"Agh!...Kyo!?  What are you doing up so early!?"
"Just got up because the damn sun won't let me sleep. And what are you doing wearing that nice dress? Don't tell me you're going to church or something!"

Axl: Maybe he can pray the dumb away while we're at it.

"Of course I'm not! I'm a preistess, fool!"

Miyu: You just said that you weren't a priestess in the last chapter, you inconsistent dolt!
Tails: So she's just going to claim whatever in order to suit her whims.
Axl: Ah, the best kind of Sue.

Kyo was nonetheless happy to someone he can kill time with.

Tails: This is going to kill us, isn't it?
Axl: It's already killing us, Tails.
Jayleen: Then I'll be sure to bring in any medical assistance, because I don't want anyone dying in my theater.

"I was just going to Harajuku to...."
"HARAJUKU!? That's a city for brats and tourists! So you're going sightseeing before you're too familiar with the city?"
"No, it's just that I have some friends that have a store there, and I promised to visit them sometime."
"Hmmmm....sounds interesting. I think I'll tag along."
"What? But....."
"You'll probably need a good guide to get through that mass of people. And besides, I can show you around the area!"
"But...."

Miyu: *as Kira* But... I didn't get you your collar and leash yet!

Kira stopped in the middle of her sentence.
"I give up. Let's go."

Axl: Do we have to see this? It's just going to be a lovesick Kyo hounding the Sue.
Tails: "Hounding"? Pun intended?
Axl: Yes. Very much so.

Kira watched her unexpected companion

Kyo L.: Bullshit!
Axl: *laughs*

as the two stood in the rushing train. It was the first time she's seen him in attire other than his highschool uniform. Today he was wearing normal blue jeans, a white T shirt, and a jeans jacket over it. He, of course had the bandana strapped to his forhead as usual.

Miyu: Wait two years to find out what will happen to that bandanna.

"Hmmm?"
"Wha...what?"
"Nothing. It's just that I've never seen you in normal clothes. You're actually good looking."
Kyo smiled at the compliment and leaned onto the train's door.
"Don't tell me something I already know. That's embarrassing."
"....but you're personality is far from cute.", Kira shook her head.

Miyu: *facepalms, sighs* Of course she can insult him and get away with that. I hate Mary Sues.
Axl: Sue... don't you dare tempt me to shove anything made of ice up your butt. My patience has been very limited after dealing with that limp-dicked Benji.
Miyu: That reminds me. Did you ever shove that ice couch up his...
Axl: Yes. Yes, I did.
Tails: *wide eyed* Well, I've learned something new today.

The two stepped out of the tiny Harajuku station. In front of them stretched the Takeshita Street, famous for their 'fancy' stores, and where teen agers and tourists filled the streets. Without even looking at Takeshita Street, Kira began to walk the other way, towards the Meiji Shrine.
"Hey, aren't you going to Takeshita!?"
"I told you, I'm not here to tour around!"

Tails: Jeez, this fic's already made him deaf and dumb. We're only missing blind.

Kira marched down towards the Meiji Shrine, and turned left onto Omote San Dou, (name of a street) where many boutiques and fashionable stores lined.

Miyu: Suethor. Footnotes exist for a reason. Stop being inconsistent with them.

Early cherry blossoms painted the holy Shrine pink with its delicate petals that showered like snow. Kyo gazed as he followed Kira, and was startled when she suddenly spoke.

"We're almost there, but I want to warn you before hand. Please, don't be suprised at what you see in the store, leaving in mind that I was planning to visit them alone."
"Huh? Oh, OK..... ??"
Though puzzled with Kira's request, Kyo agreed. The boutique that Kira and Kyo stepped into was named 'Crazy Clouds'.

Axl: And then Kyo's body was used in a ritual to summon Orochi. Never trust Mary Sues that have brainwashing powers. Never trust them.

The interior of the shop was chic, with black, white, and chrome all over. The spotlights that hung from the tall ceiling lighted displays that draped from the walls. In the back by the cashier was a huge aquarium, with tropical fish of vibrant colors danced. (Whoa, this looks like a pretty expensive store to me...) Kyo thought to himself as he tried not to get near the silken merchandise.

Kyo L.: Do it. Set it on fire. Get Mature and Vice out and leave the Sue locked in there.
Miyu: Only you would think of something so heinous, Kyo. You're not wrong, though. I can't believe I just said that.

"Welcome to our store!"
Voices echoed in unison from the back of the store. (I've heard those voices before.) Kyo turned towards the voices, and froze. There stood two tall woman, one with short brown hair, and one with blonde hair, fixed into a neat bun at the back of her head.

Tails: We know who they are. We've read the prologue. This isn't surprising to us.

"Ah, Kira cha~~n! Long time no see! When did you get here?"
"Yes, just at the end of last month..."
Shoving her elbow into Kyo's stomach, as he was about to exclaim something, Kira answered to the blonde woman with a smile.
"Hm?  Who's your companion, Kira?"
"He's cute! Is he your boyfriend!?"

Axl: He wishes that he could be the Sue's boyfriend.
Kyo K.: I'm not wishing for an endless nightmare, Spikes.

"No, he's a friend. Kusanagi Kyo kun."

Miyu: Yes. "Friend". Sure.

"Really! I'm Mature, and this is Vice. Pleased to meet you."
Mature winked as she held out her hand. Kyo shook her hand with a confused mind.
"Yeah....uh, pleased to meet you....."

Tails: *as Kyo* What happened to you two?! This fic's warped you out of your minds!

Kyo shuffled through the store to observe the duo from a distance. They were chatting with Kira so fondly. Kyo recalled the Vice and Mature he last saw, in the finals of the King of Fighters '96.
"Kutabari na~! (Drop dead)"
"Koroshite ageru! (I'll kill you)"
Were these women he now sees the same murderous women he fought last year? Kyo watched them with questioning eyes.

Axl: Yes. And we know that it's going to be stupid. Get to explaining and flailing, fic.
Sonic: We're getting info this soon, huh? Fic's moving way too fast.
Tails: Ironic coming from you, Sonic.

"Oh, yes yes, we had something we wanted to give you, Kira!"
Mature suddenly exclaimed as she hurrily disappeared into the back room. And seconds later...

Crash! Clang...don!

"Oh great, she's forgotten where she put the darn thing! I'm sorry, if you'll excuse me...."
With that Vice rushed into the back room as well. Kyo, watching the episode, couldn't stop himself from laughing.

Miyu: *sighs* Comedy.
Everyone else: *flatly* My sides.

(I guess they're not the Vice and Mature I know....)
"Yes they are," Kira responded to Kyo's thought.
"Huh?"
"They've lost their memory totally."
"What....?"

Axl: You have got to be kidding me. She can read minds?!
Kyo L.: This is some straight up bullshit!
Axl: So do we also call this "Bullshit: The Fanfic"?
Kyo L.: I'm definitely calling it that.

"You probably thought Vice and Mature died in the final round of last year's King of Fighters when Iori went berserk with the awakening of the 'Riot of Blood'.

Miyu: Uh... he didn't think that because it happened offscreen! Everyone thought that they just disappeared! Granted, this fic was written long before KOF XIII, but that's why nobody was surprised after their return to the tournament! Nobody saw them die!

They were sent to my shrine on the brink of death shortly after the tournament by Chizuru san.

All: What?!
Rory: That doesn't make any sense!
Kyo K.: That's crap, and you know it! Kagura would never assist anyone who aligns with Orochi!
Tails: This is just going to get worse, isn't it?
Miyu: *sighs* Of course it will, Cousin Tails.

But the orochi blood that flows in them kept them alive with astonishing stamina, but in return for recovery, both of them lost all memories of their past. They awoke under my nursing, without even remembering their names."
Kyo shifted his vision to the doorway where the two disappeared into.
"They don't need sympathy. They're finally living a life with no bloodshed, with thier own wills."

Benimaru: Are you sure that this would sit well with Vice...?
Kyo K.: Heck no, Beni.
Rory: And that doesn't make any sense!
Axl: Once again... this whole fic isn't making any sense.

Mature carried a tiny box as she and Vice returned.
"Here. This a little thank you present from me and Vice to you, Kira."
Kira received the box and slowly opened the lid. In it rested a choker with a large blue gem tied to it.

Miyu: And of course the Sue gets a lavish gift. Why must everything be given to her with little to no effort?
Tails: I think we're definitely looking at a classic Mary Sue now. Everything's starting to add up... you know, the abilities, the mind reading, the groupies, the love interests, the gifts?
Axl: And the character warping?
Tails: And the canon warping. Definitely.

"Didn't you say blue was your favorite color? When I first saw this necklace, it reminded me so much of the color of your eyes. I thought this would be the best present for you."
"But this looks so expensive....."
"Oh, don't bother!"
Kira gripped the box with both of her hands as she stared at Mature's smile.
"Th..thank you...."

Axl: Ah, so she's pretending to be humble. Lovely. Come on, Sue, you know that everyone needs to kiss your butt and shower you with gifts. It's the law.
Tails: All hail Queen Mary Sue.

Kyo noticed Vice staring at him. Realizing that he noticed her stare, Vice quickly replied.
"Oh, I'm sorry to be staring at you so rudely! But, I wonder....have we met before?"

Miyu: Yes. Yes, you have.

Kira looked up at Kyo, as Mature tied the choker around her neck.

Axl: And she isn't strangling her with it because...?

Kyo glanced back at her.
"Well...."
"I'm so sorry. It's just that...well, this is a lame excuse, but we can't remember our pasts that well, and ...."
Vice looked down in embarrassment.
"Miss Vice, there are pasts that might be more painful if remembered. Don't worry. If you don't have memories from the past, all you got to do is make more in the future."
She gazed into Kyo's face again, eyes wide open. Then her face crimpled into a smile.

'Thank you...."

Tails: *sighs* And she can give profound advice. Wonderful. Is there anything that she can't do?
Kyo L.: Can she die?
Miyu: Well, we have about twenty-six chapters to go, so no. No, she's not going to die.
Kyo L.: Well, shit.
Axl: That's what this fic's starting to look like.

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