Mystery Science Theater En Masse

Four Riffers, Episode 9: Crescent Variation (Part Two)

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Warning: This part contains violent scenes... because Sailor Moon needed to be "edgy", of course. This part also contains homophobia (specifically, meaning that the Stu is somehow a lesbian's "true love").

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Hi this is Benji Himura. I am now starting a Sailor moon story. I don't own Sailor moon or any of the characters. Some anime or manga characters might show up in the story I also don't own then. I own Benji Himura and others characters that will show up in the story. It might be violence and sex in the story so if you are underage of seventeen are warned the content might be too improper to your age. Read by your own will and risk. In anyway enjoy the story.
Signed: Benji Himura.

Explanation: This story happens during the S saga. Since the anime doesn't give a year for the story it happens in 2001. But the story will begin at 2000. Since there isn't much of an explanation of how Michiru became a senshi I will allow myself some freedom. Before anyone sends me a review talking that Michiru is a lesbian and she loves Haruka let explain that this happens before Michiru meets Haruka.

Miyuki: *confused* Huh? Are we starting over?
James: Do we even want to start over?
Miyuki: Well, if they remained on the subway for the entire fic, I'd be cool with that, so...
Jessie: *on her phone* Nope. I got word from Kyo and Miyu. He always put his disclaimers in almost every chapter. Now, can one of you get me out of this riffing... Kyo, you asshole little fluff ball, I swear -- stop laughing at me. *hangs up* Why am I friends with him again?
James: I have Axl on my squad, and he's no better sometimes.

Chapter two: Act two: Revelations.

Tomoko: Either you call it a chapter or an act. Because that's redundant.
Jessie: Maybe he meant to call the chapters "acts".

And on the subway she sees Benji on his usual spot. She sits besides him and she says:
I guess that is all on the open now.
And Benji says:
You wanted to keep it hidden?
And she denies and snuggle closer of him. And she says:
I have a free afternoon now. You want to hang out with me?
And he says:
Sure. What you want to do?
And she smiles naughtily and she says:
That my beloved is secret.
And she holds on his arm while they walk away from there.

Tomoko: Is this one of those stupid "recaps" for those people who have the memory of a cardboard box?
James: Oh, come on, Tomoko! Cardboard boxes are smarter than that!

She kindly leads the way. “What you planned?” Benji says. “It is a secret.” She says again. Soon they are in a rather famous hotel.

Miyuki: Crap.
Jessie: Love hotel.
James: Of course he probably played enough H-games to know about those.
Tomoko: H-games require reading, Daniels.
James: *snickers*

Michiru walks taking Benji by the lobby to the elevator. “Okay what we are doing here Michi?” Benji asks.

Jessie: Horniness and stupidity make a very dangerous combination. Don't think with your genitals, kids.

She smiles at him. “We will enjoy some quality time together.” She says caressing lightly his cheek. Room they reach a floor and move down. Michiru gets then inside a room that she carefully locks.

Miyuki: And then the Kool-Aid Man bursts through the wall.

Benji now knows what she planned and before he can say anything Michiru presses her lips on his preventing him from talking and melting his protest with her hot kiss.

Jessie: And then he melted into a steaming pile of Gary Stu goo. The End.
Tomoko: I wish.

Michiru smiles inwardly when Benji carefully leads her to the bed. They sit in there softly caressing the other body feeling the outer lines. Soon they discard the clothes Michiru soft cries are soon heard in the room while Benji takes his time preparing her to the act. Few hours later the young couple lies in the bed.

James: ...it took him a few hours to get in there?
Tomoko: It's the baby's first tab into slot session, Daniels.
Jessie: You know that the sexist guys don't know our anatomy too well.

Michiru is lying belly down in the bed with her left arm passing over Benji chest, Michiru is laying on him with her head resting on his shoulder. Benji left arm is wrapped around Michiru slender waist. Both of then are covered in a thin layer of sweat that glister on the dim light that passes by the closed blinds. Michiru eyes are closed and she has a smile on her pretty and delicate lips. Benji is also smiling and he is looking at Michiru face. How his chest motions while he breath moves her gently and how her chest slowly rises and falls while she sleeps.

Miyuki: *snores*
Tomoko: *harshly elbows Miyuki*
Miyuki: *wakes up* Gah!
Tomoko: You're noisy when you're awake, and you're noisy when you're asleep. At least words come out of you when you're awake, Fujiwara.

“Why you look at me so intensely?” Michiru asks open her eyes a bit and looking at his brown eyes. “Because you are so beautiful.” Benji answers in the second that she ends her question.

Tomoko: *narrows her eyes*
Miyuki: *gags*
Jessie, James: *eating from a cheese tray*
Jessie: We need crackers for this.
James: And some olives... and those fancy little toothpicks.
Jessie: Eh. I prefer those little green olives in my martinis.

Michiru blushes lightly, the way of the light shines on her blue eyes entrances Benji. He raises his right hand and lightly caresses her cheek. She closes her eyes to enjoy the feeling. “We will be doing this again very soon.” She says looking at his eyes. “What your parents will think?” Benji asks. “I don't care as long I am with you.” She says.

Tomoko: This is why I hate wishy-washy twits like her. Especially the ones who rely on some dumb guy to keep on living. And especially the wishy-washy twits who end up out of character.
Miyuki: *sarcastically* But Tomo-chan! You know that we're useless without a man in our lives!
Tomoko: *grumbles* I already get enough of that "Tomo-chan" crap from Miadama. Don't make me choke you.

Benji holds her tighter causing to Michiru let out a tiny cry of pleasure.

Jessie: Yep, my gag reflex is working flawlessly.
James: Then that makes me glad that we don't have any toothpicks.

2000 November twenty fifth. In a small chateau of the Kaioh family two hundred kilometers from Tokyo.

Benji and Michiru are sitting over a carpet in front of a fire place. The couple is under a large blanket. Besides then there is a bottle of wine and two cups. “I loved this idea Benji.” Michiru softly whispers to him while snuggling closer of him under the blanket. “I just love this. Sharing heat with you. This is so romantic.” Michiru says looking at the fireplace.

Tomoko: Can you two burn up so this crap can end?
James: Oh, yeah, we're really looking at a little boy's fantasies here. It's the stereotypical "romance" crap. The hotel, the fireplace, the elegant party... ugh. Such a bloody mess.

“I am glad that you liked. Since we haven't celebrated out eighth month of dating I thought that I could make up with some nice and romantic trip.” Benji says.

Jessie: I have a broken leg, and you want to add a broken neck to this? They were just screwing around for eight months?
Miyuki: I don't think you would want to read that padding, Jess.
Jessie: I really, really don't.

“You sure did. But if you keep this up you will spoil me.” She softly murmurs to him. “You deserved to be pampered.” Benji whispers on her ear. Michiru shivers at his words.

James: Jess?
Jessie: Yep?
James: We should've gotten some Velveeta, because we're this close to swimming in cheese now.

Outside it begun to snow. But the lovers are busy with the other.

Tomoko: *rolls her eyes* That's what this whole garbage fic's been so far!

The night grows darker with the passing hours and the lovers fell in sleep long after they once again make love.

Miyuki: *hits her head on the table* Ugh.

Around the three in the morning Benji wakes and sits on the floor.

Tomoko: Like the horny dog that he is.
Jessie: *laughs*

The fire is dying. The room is still warm but the air is far colder than the blanket and Michiru body. Benji walks naked to retrieve his pants.

James: *sarcastically* Yeah, that's what we fuckin' needed to see! We needed to see a ten inch dong in high definition! Thanks, sponsor guy!

Making sure that Michiru is well covered. Benji walks to the balcony of the chateau and he feels with a shiver the cold air on his still warm skin ignoring how his breath turns white.

Tomoko: The hell? Are they in Antarctica?

Benji leans in the balcony wood rail.

Miyuki: Against his own wood.
Jessie: All two centimeters of it.
Miyuki: *elbows Jessie*
Jessie: Okay, okay, I'm sorry. Besides, it's not the size of the boat, it's the motion in the ocean.

He looks at a small lake near of the house and the now white coated night. A tear appears in Benji eyes.

*Jessie's phone rings.*
Jessie: Pardon me. *picks up her phone* Hello? Oh, hi, Miyu. *makes a face, lowers her voice* Did you seriously call because you thought that someone littered...?
James: *cracks up*

The sky slowly clears showing a blood red moon.

Tomoko: *rolls her eyes* Oh, wonderful. Symbolism bullshit.

“Benji you will catch a cold out there just with that!” Michiru says walking to him wrapped on the blanket. She reaches him and opens her arms exposing her nude body to the cold air for a second just before she wraps her arms and the blanket around him.

James: Oh, good. Now you both can freeze and this garbage will end.

“Why you are here?” Michiru asks. Benji can feel Michiru warmth on his body. Feel the soft beat of her heart by her skin pressed tight against his. He can see the worry on her eyes. A colder wind blow. “Michiru you have to go away.” Benji says looking at the distance. “What?! WHY?!” She asks surprised. “Michiru I have been hiding things from you.” Benji says. “I don't care if you keep few secrets. That is normal.” Michiru says “I don't see why I should go.”

James: Him being a walking pus boil isn't a secret.
Tomoko: Hey, you know who else kept nasty secrets while being stunningly handsome?
Miyuki: Who?
Tomoko: Ted Bundy.
Miyuki: Huh.
Tomoko: Hey, don't worry. Like that guy, let's hope that the Stu will get executed later.

“Michiru, your destiny was already traced much before you where born. You are the chosen senshi of the deep oceans, Sailor Neptune. One of the four outer senshis.” Benji says.

Jessie: Oh, good, now she's going to have to kill you.
Tomoko: I don't see the problem in that, Baxter.
Jessie: I would have to agree, Tomoko.

“Benji what kind of non-sense is that?” Michiru asks scared because those words actually sound familiar. “I was forced to become the killer of the outer senshis before they could wake.” Benji says now he is crying. “I where killed by demons and they turned me into one of then.

Miyuki: So he's a demon? I was waiting for the edgy crap to show up!
James: No, Benji, you are the demons.
Jessie: And then Benji was a zombie.

I where taken close of you and I should have killed you when we first met. But I couldn't do there and I can't do now and I will not ever be able to do it.” Benji says.

James: So... you've led her on for nearly a fuckin' year, then. *sarcastically* Wow, you're the boyfriend of the year, eh?

“Benji stop it. I don't understand what you are saying and I don't want to hear it. You are a kind man.

Jessie: Bullshit. You're telling the audience that he's a kind man, but I want to shove him into the goriest "Saw" film.

My boyfriend. My lover. My soul mate.” She says crying while caressing his cheeks.

Tomoko: *stammers* No. Just... no. How in the fuck is a man the soulmate of a lesbian?!
Miyuki: *bored* Because the Stuthor is a homophobe. There's really no way to sugarcoat that.
Tomoko: *facepalms* I'm straight... and this offends the hell outta me.
James: Join the club. This is offensive to bacteria. The good bacteria.

“You are not a demon.” She says.

James: According to the sixteen who met him before we did... they all beg to differ. Makes me wonder who hates him the most, though.
Jessie: Probably Miyu and Sonia. You know that Sonia cannot stand sexism. And I'd say that the Kyos and Axl aren't far behind in hating him, either.

Benji holds her cheek and touches his forehead with her as they did many times before. But this time it is different. “You will wake as a senshi. Your past life memories will be released.” Benji says. They don't see a mark shines on her forehead.

Miyuki: *reads Emi's notes* Uh... Michiru awoke as a Senshi on her own. This dude really loves to rub his junk all over everything, huh?
Tomoko: You know the rules, Fujiwara; we can't do anything on our own without a man. *shudders* I feel so sick saying that crap.

Michiru eyes go wide as more tears flow from her blue eyes. They tears mix together. She let out a tiny cry as more and more the memories fill her. “Benji…” she cries closing her eyes trying to stop the flow of the tears.

Jessie: Jeez, there's so much crying going on here. What the hell?
Tomoko: The only tears that'll come from my eyes are from me yawning at this.

“I am sorry. You have a major role ahead of you. Michi you are the one who will help to bring peace to this world.” Benji says moving his forehead away from hers.

Miyuki: *balks* But not Usagi, who will end up becoming... you know... the flippin' queen of Crystal Tokyo?!
James: *reads some notes* Well, according to Axl and Rory... the Stuthor really hates Usagi. There was even a line that was dedicated to bashing her after she asked him if he was okay after a demon attack. And according to Sonic and Tails, there was also a mention that she was afraid that he would beat her up... because she finished off a demon and he didn't. He even had a pissing fest about her "stealing his kill".
Jessie: No wonder Benimaru called him a little boy and a creep.

“Why you are doing this to me? Why you released those painful memories? Why you are now rejecting me?” Michiru says crying hugging him tightly.

Tomoko: *yawns* Is this bawling snoozefest over yet?
James: Nope.

Benji holds her as stronger as she does. “Because I love you. Because now I will face the demons that came to claim your life. And I will die doing that.” Benji says.

Tomoko: What?! That's the best thing that I've read all day! I gotta pay attention now!
Miyuki: This will be the only thing that will make you happy... for about two seconds.

“Benji you can't! If we do this together you can live after this!” Michiru says pleading. “For my love for you Michi let me pay for my lies offering you my life. They only need to kill you to win.” Benji says.

James: Damn. If every Stu and Sue got offed like that, we'd be out of a job.
Jessie: That would actually suck. I like having money.

Michiru can feel the demons coming closer, she also feels that Benji can feel it too.

Jessie: Is that a euphemism for his penis?
Tomoko: *shrugs* Who knows? Everything is about his tiny soldier.

“In my car glove box you will found your transformation pen as well for the second senshi. You will also found a small file.” Benji says “Go after her and help her. She will also be attacked.”

Miyuki: Okay, how the heck does he have Haruka and Michiru's lip rods... when he is supposed to kill them? This doesn't make any freakin' sense here!
James: None of this guy's crap makes any sense.
Jessie: I'd rather read my creator's writing again. I miss that mess.

“Benji you can't ask me for do this…” Michiru says. “Please Michiru. I beg you. You must live to help her and the others.” Benji says he give her a kiss. “I will draw they attention. Then you run.” Benji says. Michiru nods weakly. Benji leaps forward removing then from the path of a large blade from an axe. “Get inside now.” Benji says seeing a demon removing the axe from the floor.

James: Oh, shit, we're suddenly watching "The Shining" now?! Sweet!
Tomoko: Wait a sec. He's doing all of this shit butt naked and in the month of November. And his ten inch long Benji Jr. didn't get chopped off by that axe?!
Miyuki: Uh... uh... because... reasons... *cracks up*

Michiru nods running inside. Benji slams his fist on the demon before he can remove the axe. Benji ears are now pointed and his eyes turned from brown to ruby red. Benji fist was charged with electricity that makes the demon explodes.

Tomoko: *makes a face* Are you fuckin' kidding me?
Jessie: Well, the last group thought that he was a demon. Now this just proved their point. Beautiful.

Benji grabs the axe and leaps down to meet many more demons. Inside the chateau Michiru quickly dresses on Benji remaining clothes and her own pants before reaching the car. She opens the garage door already inside the car. She sees Benji now holding a large glaive.

James: ...this is no longer sweet. Now this is going to be the Stuthor wanking while he types, huh?
Miyuki: He's probably going to type with his penis now.
Tomoko: Damn it, Fujiwara. I did not want that image going into my head. *drinks some Bleepka*

Benji spins the long double edged glaive chopping four demons legs at once. He tosses it at another demon that where moving to the house. Benji leaps and smashes the head of another demon. Benji roars loudly. The hot blood let a steam trail on the cold air. Benji have got a large scythe and he is killing more demons. He has a cut on his fore head that is staining his right side of the face with blood. Benji slams his fist on a demon piercing it. He hits the one behind it digging his fist deep inside him. Benji tosses then over another group of demons following right after then with the scythe on his hands. More demons fall dead.

James, Miyuki, Tomoko: ...
Jessie: ...that keyboard... the Stuthor really made a mess all over it, huh?
James: Filled with cum and blood. I'm not cleaning that. Just burn it.

A spear flies to his direction. He tries to grab it with his right hand but the spear easily cuts arm in the in the length of it. His red eyes go wide seeing the spear hitting him on the neck. He removes it as blood gushes from his large wounds. Michiru stares in shock unable to move. Seven spikes appear on Benji chest and one on his left leg. Behind him a tall demon is holding an odd weapon with many spikes. “We will feast in you.” The demon says lifting Benji high with his odd weapon.

James: I didn't know that LeMaire wanted to eat him that badly!

Benji roars in anger. As more blood continues to flow. He grabs one of the spikes and begun to break it. But the others demons begun to bite Benji. He roars in fury and pain.

Jessie: Looks like Kyo's getting that party that he so desperately wanted.
Miyuki: He wanted to throw a party to celebrate the Stu's death?
Jessie: Yep. But in the fic that he riffed, he only cheated death.
Miyuki: If I could be honest? I think he should hold off on throwing one. Because... y'know... we're in the Sailor Moon section here. Sailor Moon herself has the power of resurrection.
James, Tomoko: Damn it.
Tomoko: Then he's not gonna stay dead for long. Why the hell do crap characters always have to cheat death like that?
James: Because they're crap characters who were created by crap writers.

Michiru shocked cries finally leaving the place. Benji shouts charging energy on himself. A large explosion hits the area with the ground zero being Benji. The demons are dead. Benji half dead body is slowly sinking on the lake. His right arm is missing as well his left leg a large chunk of his left shoulder. He has many cuts from the demon claws on his body and face.

Miyuki: Because Sailor Moon needed to be edgy, folks.
Tomoko: *scoffs*

“Michiru…” Benji says letting out his last breath form bubbles that move to the now far surface as he slowly meets his eternal rest on the bottom of the lake.

Miyuki: *applauds* Encore! Whoo! I know that his stupid butt is gonna come back, but I'm going to enjoy this!
Tomoko: Y'know... if someone starts cheering when a character bites the dust, you're doin' it wrong.
James: Crap, I can't applaud.
Jessie: *holds out her right hand* Either this or you smack your good hand against the back of your neck repeatedly. I don't care what option you take.

Far from there Michiru have stopped the car. Her body is being rocked wildly by very strong sobs. Her tears flow free in large quantities and she cries loudly almost shouting. She cries calling for Benji.

Tomoko: Because that's the only thing worth having in life. A boring, bland, stupid demon Stu. I don't remember Sailor Moon turning into "Twilight" here.

After a long time as the sun begins to rises Michiru has no longer any tear to shed.

James: Well, that's because she died due to dehydration from cryin' too damn much.

Her now red eyes and flustered face she turns to the glove compartment. She founds everything that he said that would be there. She opens the file in there. “Tenoh Haruka.” Michiru says. “She is the Sailor Uranus.” Michiru places the file down, she reaches for a handkerchief and cleans her face. Looking at the mirror she is happy that now she is presentable. And she drives away.

Miyuki: There's another canon error. Michiru actually sensed Haruka's powers, which caused her to awaken. It wasn't because of some dumb Gary Stu's miniature office cabinet.
Jessie: I don't think this guy believes in canon, logic, or common sense.
James: An alternate universe is one thing, but he has a really bad habit of making a giant mess over everything.

2001 November twenty fifth. Michiru and Haruna house in Tokyo.

Miyuki: My sister's dating Michiru Kaioh?!
James: You actually have a sister named Haruna?
Miyuki: Yep! Oh, you beautiful typos, look what you've done!

Michiru wakes all of sudden and sits on the bed. Her slender body is covered in sweat making her green silk night gown stick on her pearly skin.

Tomoko: Even in death, the Stu has to have a boner.
Jessie: That's what rigor mortis is for.

“Michi what is wrong?” Haruna asks sitting up seeing the worry on her lover face. Michiru looks at Haruka recalling that she is on they large king sized bed. “There is nothing wrong. Just a nightmare.” Michiru says. “About what?” Haruka asks. “About men and demons.” Michiru says. “Men and demons are both the same. You can't trust then and they are good dead. There isn't a good men or a good demon.” Haruka says lying down again.

James: The fuck is this? Did this hack seriously turn Haruka into the stereotypical man hating jerk lesbian who probably has penis envy?
Jessie: *facepalms, sighs* Yes. And if she does indeed have "penis envy", I will beat the everloving shit out of the Stuthor with a dildo.
Tomoko: Know what the sad part of Tenoh's statement is?
Miyuki: What?
Tomoko: She ain't wrong when it comes to the Stu. He's actually better off dead.

“Come back to sleep.” She says. “I will” Michiru says. Haruka quickly dozes off again. “There isn't a good man or a good demon. Sorry Ruka I want to believe in that like you do. But I know that is not true. Because my first love was a half demon and he was a man.”

Miyuki: *laughs out loud, suddenly stops* Sorry.
Jessie: And if someone cracks up like that, you're doing it all wrong.
Tomoko: He's not a man. No real man would be this disgusting.

Michiru whispers to herself she looks at her jewel box knowing that inside of it there is a necklace with a locket. And that inside the locket there is a picture of her and Benji. That she won in the fateful night that changed her life forever.

James: Oh, yes, the locket that we are just now hearing about!

“I will make your sacrifice worth my beloved.” Michiru says. “And I hope that you forgive me for loving someone else again.” She finishes wiping a tear on her eyes.

End of Crescent variation.

Tomoko: Her heart will go on, huh?
Miyuki: Nope. Especially when she's still pining for his dumb butt. He's gonna come back to life, and we're going to have a stupid wangst filled love triangle.
Tomoko: *groans in annoyance* I'm not looking forward to this crap.
Jessie: Neither am I.
James: I'd rather deal with a morphine drip.
Jessie: It would be much less painful.
James: Yep.
*As Jessie stretches, her phone rings...*
Jessie: Again? *answers her phone* What is it, Cassy? What do you mean that we're not done yet? What do you mean that Miyu discovered something that was connected to this crap?!
Miyuki: *groans* Are you serious?
Jessie: *sighs* Damn it. Fine, we'll deal with it. *hangs up* Great. Unfortunately, we're not done. We actually have to riff a "what-if" chapter now.
James: *annoyed* Right. Fuck me. Get the morphine.
Tomoko: *facepalms* Just when I thought that I was done with this garbage...

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